Ren’s POV

The next morning I had to find the energy to literally drag myself to work. Ever since the previous night when JR ran out of my apartment, I felt dejected and didn’t want to do anything. I wanted to stay underneath my covers in bed and call in sick. Even though I wasn’t physically sick, my heart sure felt that way. I felt humiliated with myself. I kept mentally beating myself up over last night. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was so stupid. Even though his heart was clearly racing as fast as mine was, JR was nowhere near ready to accept this reality, was he? Maybe it was my fault. It was wrong of me to have put him on the spot like that. I knew what would happen and I still did it anyways. And just how I knew he would run away, I knew what would happen next: silence. I tried not to feel badly about it- he probably needed time to think, and rightfully so. But that didn’t make it any less painful.

When I entered the JA Style studio, I lifelessly walked past Jason who had been standing in the shop level of the building and climbed up the stairs on autopilot, making my way towards the locker room. My mind was so clouded that I couldn’t see anything around me. I felt like nothing really mattered. I didn’t want to be here. My heart was aching and I felt humiliated over what had happened between us. I guess this what could be called ‘depression,’ huh? Apparently I had been so out of it that I hadn’t even noticed when Jason followed me. I was suddenly snapped out of my own thoughts when I felt someone grab me by my elbow and pull me backwards just as I was about to step into the locker room. I gave Jason a startled look, not having expecting to see him there. Jason furrowed his brows in concern.

“Didn’t you hear me down there?” He asked, staring at me as if trying to study me. I paused for a few seconds. Had he called me? I slowly shook my head.

“Sorry.”

“Are you alright…? You don’t look so good today. Are you sick?” He asked, pulling me in the direction of his office so that we could talk in private. Once we were inside, he sat me down in one of the chairs in front of his cluttered desk before taking a seat behind it. I remained silently staring at the mess, still not answering his question. Although I was staring at it, I wasn’t really looking at it. My mind was elsewhere. Apparently my staring became unsettling for Jason to handle and after a while he seemed to become flustered and he moved to cover his desk with his arms. “The mess is part of the artist’s process. Don’t stifle me.” He defensively replied. I finally glanced up at him.

“My heart is sick.” I said. Now it was Jason’s turn to be surprised. He looked at me with wide eyes before pursing his lips together, lost in thought.

“How is it your heart is sick?” He asked before pausing as if a troubling thought suddenly occurred to him. “Are you seeing someone?” He darkly asked me. I shook my head.

“I’m not…” As I said this the dark expression spread across Jason’s face seemed to lessen.

“It doesn’t make any sense then. How could your heart…. Wait a minute…” Jason’s voice trailed off as he tried to put the pieces together. He glanced down at his desk while lost in his thoughts before finally glancing back up at me. “Don’t tell me… JR?” He asked in mild disbelief. I went silent. When I failed to answer his question Jason sat back and folded his arms across his chest while shaking his head from side to side almost in disapproval. However, I couldn’t tell which part he was disappointed about. Was it because I was interested in someone, or was it because it was JR? He seemed to have some sort of disdain for him in the tone of his voice when he said JR’s name.

“I think I might have done something stupid yesterday, something I probably shouldn’t have done.” I replied. Jason stopped shaking his head and stared at me with a stern look on his face from behind his desk.

“What did you do?” He warned.

I placed my hand over my heart. “This…”

Jason furrowed his brows, not understanding. “What?”

“I let him feel the way he makes my heart beat… and then I felt his.” I admitted. Jason looked at me as if I was crazy. Truthfully, I didn’t need for someone like Jason to tell me I was crazy. I already knew it when I stupidly allowed myself to confuse friendship over love. I had become too comfortable with JR and I got carried away. But was that JR’s fault? Of course not. None of this was JR’s responsibility. He had always done the right thing by making it clear that we were friends. I just didn’t listen to him. I was the one being selfish.

“And? How did his feel?” Jason asked. I shifted my gaze down into my lap, feeling so ashamed of myself. I hesitated before glancing back up at him.

“It felt the same.” I replied and was met by a stunned, troubled look from Jason. He leaned back in his chair and placed his right elbow on his armrest, bringing his hand up to his chin. He started tapping his lips with his index finger while lost in thought.

“Are you sure? This is JR we’re talking about here. JR’s not-”

“I know. I know he’s not gay, but it’s what I felt. I like… JR. And I think… I think he likes me too, even if he himself doesn’t know it yet. His heart knows it, at least…” My voice trailed off as the moment in time replayed inside of my head. I hadn’t been imagining things. I had made JR’s heart race too, the same way mine raced for him.

“And seeing the mess you’ve become, I take it he didn’t react well to it, I assume?” Jason coldly asked. I was a bit taken aback by his bluntness but I shook my head, trying not to think about the burning humiliation I felt when JR had left. Jason grew quiet for a couple of seconds before finally speaking up again. “Try not to think about it. I’m sure it’s not personal and I think you know that.”

I nodded. “Yeah… I’ll try.” I replied as Jason stood up and walked around his desk, stopping directly in front of me. He placed his right hand on my left shoulder and patted me.

“Cheer up. You’re probably the liveliest model of the lot around here. I need you at your best, got it?” He smiled, trying to lift my spirits. It was a poor attempt- to be honest, Jason was still the most awkward person I knew, and that’s coming from someone like me. Jason only seemed to know how to take care of himself and not others, almost as if he were immune to other people’s feelings. But even still, I appreciated the effort even if he didn’t know how to comfort me. I sadly smiled back at him before sighing.

“It’s just been a while since I’ve felt like this. I’m hungry for love, but I guess for now I’ll have to settle for pizza.” I lamely joked. For a moment Jason was completely silent as if he didn’t quite get it, but the second he did, his face lit up and he leaned back and howled with laughter. Too bad I was already reeling from embarrassment from his delayed reaction. Jason must have sensed this when he finally stopped laughing and then apologized.

“You’ll have to excuse me there; Korean isn’t my first language so it just flies by me sometimes, but there we go! That’s the Ren we all know and love! Always one for carbs, despite the horrible things it does to one’s body. But you keep being a rebel, you! And I’ll make sure to treat you later, but for now, go practice. I have a meeting with Mr. Kim to attend to.” Jason cheerfully replied, glancing off to the side. I followed his gaze only to spot the blonde headed designer in his usual black sunglasses and dressed from head to toe in black quietly leaning on the doorframe, waiting for the two of us to wrap up. My eyes grew wide and my cheeks red with embarrassment. Had he been standing there this entire time? How much had he heard? Oh god… I slid out from underneath Jason’s hand and quickly stood, bowing deeply in front of Mr. Kim. He peered out at me over the rims of his shades but remained silent, simply nodding to acknowledge my presence. I cautiously walked around him, accidentally bumping into the opposite side of the door frame and almost stumbling over on top of him but catching my balance at the very last possible second. I just keep getting worse in front of him… I apologetically bowed once again before running away from Jason’s office with my head held down in shame. Once I was back inside of the practice room, I covered my face with both hands in humiliation for a couple of seconds to collect myself before sighing and removing them, finding the courage and strength to go on with the rest of my day. But when I uncovered my face I found both Aron and Minhyun leaning over and staring directly at me with little to no distance between us, making me jump back and scream in fright.

“WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU WANT?!” I shrieked. Aron paused, giving me a confused look.

“Which one of us?”

“BOTH!”

Minhyun scoffed. “Rude.” He commented. I narrowed my eyes at him while he rolled his at me. “It just so happens that you seem to have been correct. We just needed to sit down and talk.”

“Heh, that’s not all we did.” Aron nudged Minhyun in the arm who then shot him a death glare for sharing too much. If looks could kill… However, it seemed to just bounce right off of Aron with zero effect as if he were used to it. If Minhyun given me that look, I probably would die.

“I don’t… need to know this.” I winced, somewhat disgusted. “So are you two ok now? No more fighting and throwing me in the middle of it again? Am I free from your evil claws?”

“No promises about the last part, but we’re back together again. Min explained everything about wanting to motivate me to get off my . Can’t say he was wrong, but there are less cruel ways of going about it, BUT I digress… Anyways, I did what you said and let him know how I felt about him and he was like butter in my arms.” Aron cackled then was shoved by Minhyun who immediately turned his back to him.

“I hate you.”

Aron chuckled. “You’re so cute. I love you too.” He replied and was promptly met by Minhyun’s middle finger as he stormed away in anger and annoyance from the two of us. Aron smirked. “That’s just his way of saying it back. He’s a real softy. Anyways, you good?”

“Huh?” I asked, puzzled.

“You look like .”

“Huh?!”

“You looked like me that one time before JA Style I was walking down the runway for Chanel and didn’t realize that I was wearing two completely different shoes until I reached the bottom of the runway.” Aron shared. I stared at him in amazement.

“You did that?”

Aron smugly nodded. “Twice, actually.”

“And Chanel kept you?”

Aron laughed as his own misfortune. “I mean, obviously not. I’m here now, aren’t I?”

“That is true…” I sighed. “It’s nothing. I’ll be fine.” I lied. Well, I didn’t really have any other choice, did I? I had to be fine, eventually, anyways. Aron shrugged.

“Hey, don’t say I didn’t ask.” He replied. Minutes later we were joined by Jason and Mr. Kim who made their appearance together in the practice room. Dark looks spread across both Aron and Minhyun’s faces as they spotted Mr. Kim. I took my place standing amongst the other models and waited for them to make their announcement. Jason stepped forward first.

“I want to start by asking all of the models chosen in our previous meeting to stand on the right side of the room; those of you who weren’t chosen, stand to the left.” Jason directed and the models began splitting themselves across the room. I glanced over at Minhyun and Aron who both wore the same untrusting expressions on their faces before I awkwardly walked to the right side of the room, feeling horrible for it. Minhyun arrogantly turned his head to the side, looking away from the two of them after taking his position next to Aron on the left side of the room. Aron remained quietly looking at Jason for further direction. “Mr. Kim, do you want to make the next announcement?” Jason asked. The blonde stepped forward, directing his attention towards the left side of the room.

“It appears more slots have opened up. I need two more models. But you’re going to have to prove to me how much you want it. Everyone has a chance.” Mr. Kim announced. I watched as Aron’s eyes grew wide in shock. Minhyun remained motionless.

“Models, line up. You’re going to walk. Make sure you show Mr. Kim everything you’ve got.” Jason stated. The twelve other models scrambled to line up while Minhyun confidently stood at the front. Mr. Kim glanced at him from underneath his sunglasses. The tension in the air between the two of them was so thick that it was almost suffocating. Mr. Kim tilted his head to the side and raised a brow.

“You don’t seem worried.” Mr. Kim said.

“Because I’m not.” Minhyun boldly stated as Jason started the music in the room. Mr. Kim scoffed then folded his arms across his chest, taking a step back as Minhyun confidently took gracious strides across the length of the practice room keeping his head held up high. When he reached the front of the room, he winked and shot Mr. Kim a seductive smile before making a smooth turn and confidently walking away. Mr. Kim remained expressionless as Aron and the rest of the models tried their best. After everyone had their turn, Jason glanced at Mr. Kim.

“See anything that you like?” Jason asked. Mr. Kim snapped his fingers twice then pointed directly at both Aron and Minhyun.

“Obviously the two of you stand out above the rest, having the most experience, I presume.” Mr. Kim replied. The room was filled with a bunch of disappointed sighs as the rest of the models stepped back and away from Aron and Minhyun who stood in the middle of the cleared floor space. “But this industry is more than just about ‘experience.’ I need models, not train wrecks.”

“Tcht.” Minhyun scoffed then turned his head to the side again and away from Mr. Kim.

“I don’t have time for models with opinions both on and off the stage. You’re welcome to protest, however, if you wish to do so, step aside so that I can give your place to another model who wants it more. Any oppositions?”

Aron silently clenched his right fist behind his back while forcing a grateful smile on his lips and bowing respectfully towards Mr. Kim. “No sir.”

Mr. Kim glanced over at Minhyun. “And you?”

“If you believe by being intimidating you are going to earn more respect from those around you, it’s time for your wakeup call.” Minhyun coldly responded.

“Min!” Aron muttered behind his teeth.

“Models do more than wear your clothes at fashion shows, Mr. Kim. We represent them. In order to do that we have to trust in you as the designer. If we can’t even respect you, how are we going to show your clothes well?”

Mr. Kim tilted his head to the side. “Are you trying to school me in selecting my models?” He asked, sounding heavily offended by Minhyun’s latest remark. I sunk into my shoulders as I watched from the side. Minhyun, what are you doing…? You’re finally getting another chance and you’re blowing it…

“‘Trying’ is an understatement.” Minhyun retorted. Mr. Kim suddenly took several steps forward and stopped directly in front of him.

“This is your last chance. Apologize.” Mr. Kim demanded.

“Apologize for what?” Minhyun coldly stated. “Am I wrong? I stand by what I said. It doesn’t matter who you might be. I’d rather pass on this ‘wonderful opportunity’ if it means passing on working for someone who can’t differentiate between their model’s personal and professional lives.”

Mr. Kim took a step back, stunned. “You’re serious?”

“Accept that your models are humans that work for you.”

Mr. Kim glanced over at Jason. “These are the models that work for you? I’m hardly impressed by such amateurish behavior. I’m beginning to believe that this collaboration with you has been a mistake. I trusted in you enough to want to use your models, but in order for us to move forward now I believe we’ll just be using my models.” My heart sank as I heard Mr. Kim regret his decision to work with Jason and I watched my opportunity working underneath him start to disintegrate right in front of me.

Jason glanced back at Minhyun before looking back at him. “Mr. Kim, I assure you his actions are not representative of all of my models as a whole-”

“Wait!” I shakily stepped forward, boldly interrupting the argument that was going on without me. I stopped in front of Mr. Kim and dropped down to my knees, bowing with my forehead touching the floor beneath me. “I know it’s not my place to say anything, but please, please forgive Jason and Minhyun! Please don’t take this opportunity away from us! We’ll represent your clothes well and do anything you ask, just please… For some of us in this room, just being here with you is like a dream come true… Please…” My voice continued to shake as I fearfully apologized for everyone. The room grew unbearably quiet with all eyes on me. Mr. Kim’s intimidating presence was almost overwhelming at this point. I knew I had just done something stupid and wrong in front of one the world’s most famous and notable designers who seemed to have little patience for anyone or their screw-ups. I was so fearful of what would happen next that I was merely seconds away from tears. A full minute of silence passed inside of the practice room before finally I heard and saw Mr. Kim take a step back and away from me.

“It appears one of your models actually has some sense around here.” Mr. Kim suddenly spoke back to Jason. I felt an overwhelming sense of relief wash over me as he said this. I paused briefly before slowly sitting up. I kept my gaze downwards, avoiding making eye contact with Mr. Kim who was facing Minhyun. “As for you, I expect that attitude of yours to have been fixed the next time we meet or you will be replaced. That concludes our meeting. You,” Mr. Kim suddenly spoke down to me on the floor, nearly giving me a heart attack. I must have jumped a full inch off the floor before freezing in horror. “Speak with me outside.”

Oh god. My heart started racing as I began to panic internally. Mr. Kim… wanted to speak to me? Under any other circumstances I would have been jumping with joy and not fear, but not now. The paralyzing feeling of being in deep trouble with the only man I ever truly idolized on this planet returned. My finger trembled as I pointed to myself. “M-m-me?” I asked. Mr. Kim remained silent and shot me an irritable look in response before exiting the room by himself. I shakily rose to my feet and slowly followed after him. With each step I took, my legs felt like jelly. Keep yourself together, Ren. Don’t get too worked up. He just wants to talk to you… Dammit, I should have just kept quiet, shouldn’t I?! But if I hadn’t, I could have lost my opportunity to model for House of Kim… if I haven’t already, that is.

Once I had joined Mr. Kim out in the hallway, he waved his index finger at me. “Walk with me. I’m too busy to stand around and talk.”

“O-Of course…” I stuttered as I hurried to keep up with him as he made his way towards the staircase.

“Tell me, how important is it that you model for House of Kim?” He spoke while still looking forward, avoiding making eye contact with me.

“I’m sorry?”

“That you would risk everything by stepping forward like that- is it worth it?” He asked, stopping abruptly without any warning at the top of the staircase. I accidentally ran into him from behind. An eternal sense of doom struck me as he slowly started turning back to face me. I struggled to keep calm on the outside when on the inside I was freaking out over having just physically touched him. Oh god, I’ve been fired, haven’t I? If not for the apologetic outburst just minutes ago, then definitely for this. I stepped backwards and held my head down low while I twiddled my thumbs down in front of my waist.

“It’s not just important to me. It’s important to Jason. It’s important to Aron. And even though Minhyun doesn’t show or act like it, it’s important to him too. I couldn’t just stand by and watch everyone’s hopes and dreams be dashed in front of their eyes. I know it wasn’t my place-”

“You’re correct. It wasn’t your place at all.” He sternly cut me off.

“I’m sorry. I just felt like I had to do something. It was foolish.” I apologized again for apologizing, bowing and rising to finally look at him. Mr. Kim stared at me from underneath his sunglasses for several seconds before reaching for them with his left hand and removing them from his face, allowing me to see him. My eyes widened in shock as I finally made direct eye contact with him. Mr. Kim smirked.

“It was. But I like it.” He replied. As soon as I heard those words I froze, feeling my heart pounding loudly and wildly inside of my chest to the point where I was having difficulty suddenly breathing. Oh no… it’s happening. Calm down, Ren, calm down…

“H-huh?” I struggled to say. In a brief instance I suddenly experienced a time lapse before I saw Mr. Kim fold his arms across his chest as he finished speaking. However his words had gone right through my ears without registering inside of my mind. It happened… And now it looked like Mr. Kim was waiting on my response as he continued to stare at me. By now I was hardcore panicking. I nervously smiled at him. “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” I asked and was met by a dark look in response.

“I never repeat myself.” He coldly stated.

“Oh… ok…” I awkwardly shifted my gaze downwards. Mr. Kim suddenly sighed.

“You’re very bold, aren’t you?” He said, surprising me.

“I’m sorry?” I asked, not understanding. “I mean, I’ve been told that before…” My voice trailed off. Mr. Kim smiled then turned his back to me.

“You’re bold, but you’re not disrespectful. You have humility when it is needed. It’s a good trait. I need more of that on my side. I look forward to what you have to bring to the team.” I complimented before starting down the stairs, leaving me stunned and motionless. When my senses finally rushed back to me I quickly bowed.

“T-Thank you…”

Mr. Kim paused and glanced back at me over his left shoulder, still smiling. “I think things are about to start getting interesting from here on out.” He vaguely responded then turned away again, making his way to the first level of the studio. I speechlessly watched as he left, wondering what he could have meant by the last part of his message. I vacantly stared at the spot where he had just been standing while speaking to me. My heart was still racing from the adrenaline of my first one on one conversation with the man I admired the most. It was a different rush than the one I felt from the time I followed him to his hotel. This time I didn’t have to awkwardly hide. This time he personally addressed me. I brought my right hand up to my chest and placed it over my heart as it tried to calm itself from the excitement that had just happened. Mr. Kim had just complimented me… Was this even real? I kept replaying the scene in the back of my head, wanting to keep reliving that moment and never wanting it to stop. I couldn’t believe it. Ever since discovering and falling in love with House of Kim, I had dreamed but never pictured this moment actually happening. For the longest time, Mr. Kim was nothing but a shadow to the rest of the world. It was a dream come true when he finally stepped forward, putting a face to the mysterious designer who lived in the shadows. But for me to actually get the chance to personally speak with him? No way…

My excitement was short lived when I suddenly found myself being shoved towards the middle of the empty lobby upstairs. I snapped out of my daydream and glanced in the direction from which I had been pushed, discovering a brooding Minhyun standing there with his arms folded across his chest. He was silently glaring at me. I stumbled to regain my balance. As I was about to speak, Minhyun cut me off.

“Just because things have changed between us does not give you the permission to speak on my behalf.” Minhyun coldly chastised. So that’s what this was about. I had a feeling I would be facing him soon over what had just happened in the practice room.

“I don’t understand… Why are you so angry at me? I thought you wanted to walk in the show-”

“Through my own capabilities, not yours!” Minhyun snapped, taking me aback. I held my head down in shame.

“I wasn’t thinking… I’m sorry-”

“Don’t do it again!”

“I won’t…” I replied, avoiding making eye contact with him. Minhyun sighed heavily in irritancy then let his arms drop down to his sides.

“I won’t thank you for getting me my spot back, if that’s what you’re thinking.” He replied. I immediately glanced up at him and shook my head.

“O-Of course not!”

Minhyun arrogantly tilted his head back. “Good. Because I’m not… But I will thank you for taking the time to talk to Aron. He finally told me everything- his true feelings, that is. Truth is, he’s incredibly dense. He didn’t know that I had no idea how he felt about the whole ordeal that transpired between us. I finally explained to him what that was about as well and he’s promised to start working harder. Now that the two of us are back in the game, don’t expect for us to go easy on you. Regardless of whether we like you or not, you’re still competition. We both have our eyes on Top Model.”

I stared at Minhyun with wide eyes. “Both?” I asked, surprised that Aron was finally starting to grow competitive by going for the position that was usually given to his boyfriend. Minhyun smirked then nodded.

“I dared him to try to take it from me. Aron is surprisingly up for the challenge this time around.”

I smiled. “I’m glad to hear that he’s going to give it all that he’s got.”

Minhyun raised a brow. “Aren’t you going to go for the spot as well?”

“Huh? Me?” I asked. Minhyun nodded.

“Why not? You shouldn’t settle for the spot you have now. Anything’s possible from here on out.” Minhyun smirked then started to walk away from me. As he reached the top of the staircase he shrugged his shoulders. “Well, I hope you do. It’ll be less boring in that case.” He replied then disappeared down the stairs, leaving me with nothing but his words inside of my head. He wanted me to go for the Top Model spot? I tried to imagine myself wearing the collaboration fashion line and being the last and most important model to walk gracefully down the runway. I had chills running down my spine from just the thought of it. The more I thought about it, the more excited I got and the more I found myself wanting to do it. And he was right. Why shouldn’t I do it? It wasn’t like I had anything else going on… And I didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing. Right now my heart was still numb from the blow from JR. Although things could probably be easily cleared up between us from a simple phone call like last time, I didn’t have the courage to talk to him right now. I wanted to talk to him- but at the same time I didn’t. I was afraid to have things clarified between us. I didn’t want to hear an official rejection if he couldn’t come to terms with his own feelings. If I was rejected… I didn’t know what I would do, I mean, I was already this devastated now without really knowing anything. It would be ten times worse if he did.

I just… I just didn’t know.

 

 

Baekho’s POV

I had been sitting boredly in the living room of the big empty manor all day. Occasionally I would get up to roam the premises, visiting each of the rooms that didn’t really feel like mine. It almost felt like I was house sitting for someone else in a home full of valuable belongings that I was afraid to touch even though JR and Jason had both said that they were all mine. Were they really mine though? Even before taking the deal, if I had ever come across this much money, I surely couldn’t imagine myself buying any of this junk. For the hell of it I had even run internet searches on some of the items sitting on some of the shelves and nearly choked from gasping too hard at how expensive they were. Who in their sane mind would spend that much money on something that they would occasionally glance at from time to time? Well, apparently JR had that much money. But if so, why wasn’t he also living like this? Right now, JR’s lifestyle validated my thoughts that just because one had money didn’t mean they had to spend it.

I stared at the pool in the back yard, wondering if there would ever come a time where I would eventually use it. I could swim, but I didn’t particularly enjoy doing it. It seemed like such a waste on someone like me. I walked away from the back door and traveled down the hall into a room which one would call a ‘man cave.’ It was completely decked out in all sorts of video game equipment and surround sound speakers. But I wasn’t a gamer. Also a waste. Besides, what grown adult had time for that these days? I sheepishly paused. Apparently I had all the time in the world for it now. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to pick up on it now. I just didn’t want to. I left the room and re-entered the living room, wondering if I should buy a cat to keep me company when suddenly I heard my phone ring. I took it out from my pocket and stared at the screen, realizing it was Jason calling me in the middle of the night. What could he possibly want at this hour? After finding out what I had about the altercation between him and JR, I was hesitant to want to involve myself with him any further. But I didn’t exactly have a choice. The moment I even so much as set him off, Ren’s position would be in jeopardy, something which I didn’t want, especially when I only wanted to get closer to him. I sighed heavily before answering the call.

“There’s been a change in plans. He wants Minhyun and Aron back in.” Jason’s tired and annoyed voice poured out from my speaker. I tilted my head to the side in confusion.

“He wants them back in? Wait a minute, wasn’t it his decision to exclude them in the first place?” I exhaustedly asked, wondering what could have suddenly possessed JR to change his mind. As much as any of us tried to understand him, unfortunately neither of us did. With how quiet he usually was, JR was almost unpredictable. Maybe that’s how he preferred it. Jason groaned.

“I’m losing so much hair from stress over that kid, I think I’ll go bald soon! I’ll have to start designing hats- look at me, rambling, going bat- crazy because of him, ha, ha, ha… Your guess is as good as mine as to why he suddenly changed his mind! Ah! He’s unbelievable… But him wanting them back in truthfully works in my favor. My top models are always my muses and an intricate part of the design process. Without them my work wouldn’t be nearly as good.” Jason almost sounded like a schizophrenic over the phone. It was just my wild prediction, but it seemed like the guilt over what he had done to JR was starting to weigh heavily over his shoulders. Maybe he was finally realizing that he bit off more than he could chew. Well, whatever it was, he deserved all of what it was doing to him.

“But we already made a big spectacle over excluding them…”

“Don’t you think I already know this? Ah, seriously! Ok, ok, look. We’ll announce that a few more spots opened up and we’ll have everyone that didn’t make the cut the first time audition, giving everyone the impression that they all have a shot and when it’s over we select the two of them. That way ‘Mr. Kim’ can at least save face in front of all of the models. That JR, he really is being careless with Mr. Kim’s image.” Jason replied.

“Pretending to be Mr. Kim is turning out to be a lot more work than what’s necessary…”

“Meet me in my office early in the morning.” Jason replied, sounding extremely exhausted.

“Are you already calling it a night?” I asked. Jason laughed as if he found what I said hysterical.

“Calling it a night? God, no! There’s too much work to be done.”

“Does a designer ever sleep?” I curiously asked, noting the tired and haggard appearance he had lately every time he asked to meet with me. Jason dryly laughed.

“Not a good one. Good night, Baekho.” He replied before abruptly hanging up on me. I shook my head then leaned back on the couch. Did that make Jason a good designer then? I rubbed my eyes with my right thumb and index finger. Why did my head hurt every time I spoke to that man? Forget it. Trying to reason or rationalize with someone like Jason was a complete waste of time. I shut my eyes and waited for sleep to take me, eventually drifting off and passing out in the living room.

 

 

When I awoke the next morning, I dragged myself to get ready. I found that ever since I had signed on to become someone else, I dreaded getting dressed each morning. I couldn’t dress how I normally would. I had to dress how Mr. Kim was expected to dress, which meant wearing too many accessories to count with those annoying sunglasses that I was forced to wear even indoors. The only time I could ever truly be me was whenever I was within these walls. The moment I stepped outside everything changed and I had to become someone I didn’t even recognize. Regardless, I got up, I got dressed and I drove myself down to Jason’s studio. When I arrived, I found the first floor of his shop empty, aside from his assistant standing behind the front counter. She directed me upstairs to his office. When I neared the room I could hear the sound of voices coming from inside. Jason must have been busy talking to someone. Deciding to give them their privacy, I stood away from the door and waited. Several minutes went by and out of sheer boredom I unconsciously started listening in. I hadn’t recognized the voice because I had yet to truly hear him speak, but out of context I had discovered who the other person was inside of Jason’s office.

“I know. I know he’s not gay, but it’s what I felt. I like… JR. And I think… I think he likes me too, even if he himself doesn’t know it yet. His heart knows it, at least…” Ren’s voice suddenly trailed off, making me pause and think back to the other night when JR fought Jason outside in front of my house. When I had become involved, Jason had threatened me with Ren and I had noticed that at that very moment, JR had become particularly quiet. I had no idea at the time or up until now that the two of them had something going on. Granted, Ren had been with JR that night they followed me to the hotel, but I hadn’t thought anything of it other than Ren wanting to meet Mr. Kim and them being acquaintances. Upon hearing Ren’s sudden confession of his feelings towards JR, my heart began to feel unsettled and my hopes dashed. Ren liked… JR? That meant… there wasn’t a place for me, was there?

“And seeing the mess you’ve become, I take it he didn’t react well to it, I assume?” I heard Jason’s voice ask. “Try not to think about it. I’m sure it’s not personal and I think you know that.”

“Yeah… I’ll try.” Ren’s voice poured out from the room. I tightly pursed my lips together while still trying to come to grips with the reality that I had been too late. Ren had already fallen for JR, it seemed. Ha, I say that as if I even remotely stood a chance with him. Because of my position now, something between him and I wouldn’t have ever been possible in the first place, would it? Both JR and Jason had written it into the contract- no dating. It didn’t matter who it was with. Mr. Kim had to remain an untouchable public figure.

“Cheer up. You’re probably the liveliest model of the lot around here. I need you at your best, got it?”

“It’s just been a while since I’ve felt like this. I’m hungry for love, but I guess for now I’ll have to settle for pizza.” Ren joked, trying to force himself to cheer up. For a second I was taken aback by the extreme level of cheesiness that I had never pictured for a person like Ren to be able to achieve, however, he had nailed it. Although I was feeling somewhat down and miserable, his lame comment brought a smile to my face for a brief second before reality returned and with it the pain of being too late and missing out to JR. I took a deep breath and calmly exhaled, giving myself a couple of seconds to revert back to my cold Mr. Kim persona before walking and stopping in the doorframe.

“-but for now, go practice. I have a meeting with Mr. Kim to attend to.” Jason replied, glancing off to the side with Ren following his gaze. As Ren seemed to spot me, his eyes grew wide in shock. His face turned a faint shade of red before he shifted his gaze to the ground and he stood up, bowing deeply in front of me out of respect. Although I hated the sunglasses that I was forced to wear, for once I was actually grateful that they were on to hide the painful feeling of sadness that had swept over me after overhearing his conversation with Jason. I silently nodded at him. Ren stood back up and carefully walked around me as I somewhat blocked his exit. His shoulder brushed against the doorframe, accidentally causing him to lose his balance and stumble towards me. As I was about to move to catch him, Ren regained his balance and he fled the room, bowing apologetically one last time before running away with his head held down in embarrassment. I watched as he left, trying to ignore the empty feeling inside of my chest. Jason tilted his head to the side. “Well, doesn’t everyone seem to be in a downward mood today?”

I frowned then shrugged my shoulders. “It’s nothing, forget it.”

“No, come in. Take a seat. Tell designer Fu Long Fei everything. I might not be able to fix your problems, but I can make you look like a rock star, which is… half as good, I suppose…” Jason slowly and awkwardly said as if even he didn’t have a clue as to what he was saying. I had the sudden feeling that he wasn’t used to comforting people and that this really was his best attempt at trying. I finally stepped inside and sat where Ren had previously been sitting seconds ago. Jason closed the door to his office and remained standing in front of his desk, leaning backwards on it as he stared down at me. He darkly smirked. “Is this sudden sadness over what I think it’s about?”

I removed my sunglasses and stared intently at him. “I don’t like that look on your face.” I said, feeling rather uncertain about what he had just said. What was going on inside that intricate little head of his now? Jason dryly laughed after taking severe offense to my comment.

“You’ve got to learn to trust me better.”

“And why should I do a thing like that?” I asked. Jason smirked again.

“Because if you’re obedient, I’ll give you what you want.”

“And just what is it that you think I want? You’ve already given me everything. Don’t you get it? There’s nothing more you can possibly give me and half of the things you’ve already given me I don’t even want-”

“Ren.” Jason replied, cutting me off. “I can give you Ren.” I gave him a morbid look of disbelief before I scoffed then rolled my eyes and leaned back in my seat. I had to turn my head away from his extreme ignorance.

“Ren is a person, something which can’t be bargained with.” I sternly replied, quickly shutting down whatever idea he was forming. Jason leaned forward, shifting his weight off from the side of his desk and standing up straight.

“…A person that was just rejected by JR.” Jason stressed in a hushed, secretive voice.

“That’s neither yours nor my business. Besides, that’s not what it sounded like… It seems like JR’s afraid of his own feelings.” I replied, deeply in thought as I tried to process what little information I got from overhearing their conversation.

Jason smirked. “So you do care.” He said, making me pause.

“So what?”

“Look, no one knows JR as well as I do. Even if he is afraid of his own feelings, he’ll never act on them even if he does like Ren back. And you heard Ren; he’s hurt and hungry for love.” Jason cryptically replied. I slowly glanced back at him.

“…And?”

“How would you feel if I broke the ‘no-dating’ clause portion of your contract?” He suddenly said, snatching my attention. I sat up straight and leaned forward in my seat, giving him a skeptical look.

“What are you up to…?” I cautiously asked. Jason innocently smiled.

“Just keep up the ‘Mr. Kim charade’ perfectly and I’ll reward you. Simple as that.” Jason replied then paused for a moment, watching me stare back at him. “Unless… you don’t want to date Ren?”

“That’s up to him, not you. If his heart is elsewhere, there’s not much I can do.” I murmured.

“Are you stupid?” Jason asked, dryly laughing. He placed his hands on his hips. “The human heart is fickle. His heart might long for someone else, but my dear, have you forgotten just who you are? Right now, you are the only other man on this planet that kid adores more than JR.”

I paused. “No,” I shook my head. “Adoration and love are two completely different emotions.” I replied, beginning to wonder why Jason was trying so hard to push this idea on me. I thought back to when he said that there wasn’t anyone else that knew JR better than him. He was probably right, and if he was, then this idea of his… it suddenly made sense. Jason probably knew that JR does like Ren back. And right now he was fighting with JR, which meant there wasn’t any depth low enough that Jason wouldn’t sink to pick on him. That included throwing me into the equation. If I were to involve myself with Ren, how much more devastated would JR become?

Jason darkly smirked. “In many cases adoration turns to love. Make of it what you will.” He said. I stared at him, feeling unsure if I wanted to get more involved in the middle of their mess. It was true that Ren had caught my eye since the first time I saw him and every time since, whenever I saw him I felt myself longing to talk to him or get to know him. He was so strange, so different, so… unique. I didn’t know anyone else like him or that even compared. He was very animated and straight-forward. Ren just seemed to live in his own universe and I found myself wanting to be a part of that world. But would I really take advantage of that adoration he dedicated towards Mr. Kim? I knew just because I could didn’t mean I should. Jason suddenly grew irritated with my long silence. “What’s the best cure for a broken heart? Do you know?”

“I don’t live in your deluded world. You’ll have to tell me what you think it is.” I shot back at him. Jason gave me an annoyed look before turning his head away from me.

“Moving on.” He muttered. “A broken heart heals best when it’s distracted or moved by someone else.”

“And you want for me to be that person that helps him move on?” I asked. Jason shrugged his shoulders.

“You do whatever it is your little heart desires; it’s of no business to me. If you wish to heal the nasty scar JR left behind, that’s your business. I’m just telling you that I’ve given you the go-ahead. Date if you want to, but the two of you absolutely can’t be seen in public together. Do you understand?” Jason tried to play his secret idea that I was onto down in front of me. I pursed my lips together then finally stood up from the chair inside of his office, staring down at him with an intimidating gaze.

“You’re difficult to understand. But to try to understand you, that would require spending time thinking about you. And I don’t want to do that. Understanding your terrifying world would probably end up giving me nightmares.”

“Terrifying?” Jason turned his head back to face me, giving me an amused smile. “Wake up, dear. We’re living in the same world, whether you like it or not. And once you sink deeper into Mr. Kim’s world, you’ll begin to realize why people like us do the things that we do for ourselves. There’s more to fashion than the glitz and glam- it’s a cut-throat industry. Designers have three options: barely keep up, get ahead, or fade away into oblivion. For as long as you are ‘him,’ I’ll keep House of Kim stable, but just long enough for JA Style to rise above it.”

I darkly stared down at him. “And once you do? What will you do once you’re finished piggybacking off of JR? Will Mr. Kim suddenly go missing like you said he might? Will you tear his company to shreds?” I asked. Jason froze as if he hadn’t entirely thought about the answer to that question yet.

“It all depends on how much he pisses me off.”

“Congratulations, you’re unbelievable.” I scoffed.

“One day you’ll understand. You think you’re so high and mighty right now, but your time will come. You’ll sink just as low as me. There’s no such thing as a ‘genuine’ person in this industry. If you find one, let me know. But I assure you, I’m certain that even someone like Ren has secrets. JR sure did.” He said, turning away from me and heading towards the door. “They’re all waiting inside of the practice room. We should go to them.” He coldly instructed, walking out of his office without me. Still bothered by his last statement, I snapped myself back into reality and placed my sunglasses back on over the bridge of my nose while following him. The two of us stepped into the practice room together. The room went silent as all eyes were on me. Jason stepped forwards first and directed all of the models to stand on opposite sides of the room. The models abruptly divided themselves. I scanned the room, looking for Ren. Once I found him, I watched as he sluggishly and awkwardly walked to the right side of the room. Something seemed off about him. I probably didn’t have to think too hard about who it might be that was the cause of this lifeless energy of his. “Mr. Kim, do you want to make the next announcement?”

“It appears more slots have opened up. I need two more models. But you’re going to have to prove to me how much you want it. Everyone has a chance.” The room was filled with noticeable shock at my announcement. The models that hadn’t been chosen the first time around all stood around looking anxious.

“Models, line up. You’re going to walk. Make sure you show Mr. Kim everything you’ve got.” Jason instructed. The models that had been on the left side of the room all formed a single file line. The model that I had come to learn was Jason’s Top Model, Hwang Minhyun, took his place at the front with his head held high. There was a strong air of arrogance that surrounded this man that I found myself disliking ever since the first time I spoke with him. Unimpressed by his actions, I stared at him condescendingly, tilting my head to the side and raising a brow.

“You don’t seem worried.” I said.

“Because I’m not.” Minhyun boldly stated as Jason started the music in the room. I stared at his rashness in disbelief. Was this how he normally spoke to the people above him? I found myself silently fuming. I was in shock when I realized how angry he had suddenly just made me feel. In reality I was nowhere near above him- Minhyun was above me. He was above Kang Baekho, who was literally a nothing in this world. Where had this sense of entitlement come from? It hadn’t even been that long that I had taken on this role, but already I was starting to subconsciously believe that I was my Mr. Kim persona and that all of his achievements were mine. This thought somewhat terrified me, especially after what Jason had just got done telling me about the possibility of becoming like him, something which I’d never allow for myself. Folding my arms across my chest, I took a step back and watched as Minhyun confidently walked the entire length of the room. When he met me at the front, he stopped and smiled and winked at me as if just to spite me. Knowing that it was a reaction that he wanted out of me, I refused to give it to him and remained unfazed. When I failed to react to this action of his, an annoyed expression spread over his face before he haughtily turned away and walked back to the other side of the room after which the several remaining models each took their turns until everyone had finally had a chance.

“See anything that you like?” Jason turned to me from the side and asked. I kept my gaze forward, ignoring him. It didn’t matter if I liked anyone. My opinion didn’t matter. I snapped my fingers twice, pointing directly at Aron and Minhyun who we had already predetermined would be selected.

“Obviously the two of you stand out above the rest, having the most experience, I presume. But this industry is more than just about ‘experience.’ I need models, not train wrecks.”

“Tcht.” Minhyun scoffed then turned his head to the side again and away from me. I glared at him from underneath my sunglasses as I fought to keep my composure. I could already tell that I wouldn’t be getting along with this man and he would do nothing but cause me problems from now on.

“I don’t have time for models with opinions both on and off the stage. You’re welcome to protest, however, if you wish to do so, step aside so that I can give your place to another model who wants it more. Any oppositions?”

Aron hesitantly bowed in front of me. “No sir.” He replied. I narrowed my gaze over at Minhyun, showing him zero mercy.

“And you?”

“If you believe by being intimidating you are going to earn more respect from those around you, it’s time for your wakeup call.” Minhyun shot back, taking me by surprise. He continued to talk back to me, Mr. Kim? It seemed he really did lack the knowledge of how to speak to world-famous designers. I noticed the horrified look that spread over Aron’s face at Minhyun’s remark. At least one of them seemed to understand.

“Min!” Aron warned.

“Models do more than wear your clothes at fashion shows, Mr. Kim. We represent them. In order to do that we have to trust in you as the designer. If we can’t even respect you, how are we going to show your clothes well?”

I tilted my head to the side. “Are you trying to school me in selecting my models?” I asked, finding myself growing more enraged with him by the second. His words personally bothered me. He was giving me a lecture that I didn’t need. I didn’t need to be taught how to respect and earn respect from others. It was something I already understood well on my own. Minhyun’s words ate away at me probably because I didn’t agree with the character I was being forced to portray. Forced? I willingly signed my name. Neither JR nor Jason ‘forced’ me to do anything. That was when it suddenly hit me- I wasn’t angry at Minhyun. I was angry at myself.

“‘Trying’ is an understatement.” Minhyun retorted. Unable to control my rage, I took several steps forward and stopped directly in front of him in attempt to stir him. However, Minhyun remained unfazed by my presence and in fact seemed unimpressed, making me feel like the small Kang Baekho I was instead of the powerful Kim Baekho I was supposed to be.

“This is your last chance. Apologize.”

“Apologize for what? Am I wrong? I stand by what I said. It doesn’t matter who you might be. I’d rather pass on this ‘wonderful opportunity’ if it means passing on working for someone who can’t differentiate between their model’s personal and professional lives.”

I took a step back, stunned. “You’re serious?”

“Accept that your models are humans that work for you.”

I didn’t want to listen to this anymore. I glanced over at Jason. “These are the models that work for you? I’m hardly impressed by such amateurish behavior. I’m beginning to believe that this collaboration with you has been a mistake. I trusted in you enough to want to use your models, but in order for us to move forward now I believe we’ll just be using my models.” I stated. An uncomfortable look spread across Jason’s face as he listened to me improvise. Mr. Kim was supposed to have been a man of few words, but here I was spewing enough words to write the entire Harry Potter series. I knew I probably wouldn’t hear the end of it later. Jason glanced over at Minhyun then back at me to correct my mistake.

“Mr. Kim, I assure you his actions are not representative of all of my models as a whole-”

“Wait!” Ren surprisingly stepped forward and dropped to his knees in front of me, startling me. “I know it’s not my place to say anything, but please, please forgive Jason and Minhyun! Please don’t take this opportunity away from us! We’ll represent your clothes well and do anything you ask, just please… For some of us in this room, just being here with you is like a dream come true… Please…” Ren continued to plead. I stared down at him in stunned silence, not knowing how to react to his sudden gesture. The real me wanted to kneel down with him and help him back up, telling him that none of this was necessary. But I couldn’t do that. I glanced back at Jason who widened his eyes at me quickly before narrowing them as if nonverbally telling me to take care of the situation without any more issues arising.

“It appears one of your models actually has some sense around here.” I spoke back to Jason before turning back to Minhyun. “As for you, I expect that attitude of yours to have been fixed the next time we meet or you will be replaced. That concludes our meeting. You, speak with me outside.” I said directly to Ren after chastising Minhyun. It was crazy. I had been trying all of this time to find an excuse just to talk to him when Ren was the one to step forward and give it to me. I didn’t want to lose this rare opportunity even despite knowing what I did about Ren having feelings for JR. But… by talking to Ren, did that mean I was taking Jason up on his offer? I suddenly had to ask myself: why exactly did I want to talk to Ren? It had nothing to do with his outburst just now. I just wanted the chance to finally meet him for myself. But why? Why was talking to Ren still so important to me? Did part of me secretly wish that I actually could mend Ren’s broken heart by stepping into JR’s place like how Jason had proposed earlier? Ren shakily pointed at himself.

“M-m-me?” He asked. I shot him an annoyed glance as would be expected of Mr. Kim before wordlessly stepping out of the room and out into the hallway. I could hear the sound of Ren’s heavy footsteps scurrying from behind me. Once the two of us were alone, I waved my finger at him, motioning him to follow me.

“Walk with me. I’m too busy to stand around and talk.” That was anything but the truth. I had absolutely nothing going on for me outside of visiting Jason’s studio today. In fact, I wanted to prolong this moment more than anything, if it were at all possible.

“O-Of course…” He looked and sounded terrified as he followed me towards the staircase.

“Tell me, how important is it that you model for House of Kim?” I spoke without even so much as looking at him. I didn’t want to see that look of fear in his eyes knowing that I was the one putting it there. It ate away at my conscience that he was so afraid of me, even though it was Mr. Kim that he was afraid of upsetting and not me. Even so, I still wanted to talk to him. I wanted to know just how important this person really was to him. Was Mr. Kim someone that he really did just admire for his skill and talent? He had to be… he was in love with JR, someone which Ren was purposefully led to believe was a ‘no one.’

“I’m sorry?” Ren asked, sounding confused.

“That you would risk everything by stepping forward like that- is it worth it?” I asked, stopping at the top of the staircase and apparently catching Ren by surprise as he accidentally ran straight into me from behind. For a moment I was stunned as I felt his touch. Not wanting him to see or notice this about me, I paused for a second to recollect myself before slowly turning back to face him. Ren was noticeably trembling while keeping his gaze fixated on the floor as he nervously fidgeted with his fingers.

“It’s not just important to me. It’s important to Jason. It’s important to Aron. And even though Minhyun doesn’t show or act like it, it’s important to him too. I couldn’t just stand by and watch everyone’s hopes and dreams dashed in front of their eyes. I know it wasn’t my place-”

“You’re correct. It wasn’t your place at all.” I replied, abruptly cutting him off. His heart was very earnest and was in the right place, selflessly thinking of others. In fact, his answer surprised me. It wasn’t an answer that I was expecting to hear at all. Not many people would think of others in a situation like this when they were at risk of losing their job, even though firing or keeping him was beyond my decision or capabilities. It was extremely admirable of him, but at the same time I just didn’t want to hear him think fondly of Jason, especially after witnessing what I did and hearing what I heard. That redheaded designer finally revealed his true nature, and it had fangs. Whatever it was that was important to Jason I didn’t want to be a part of. As for Aron, I really didn’t have much of an opinion of him, and Minhyun? He might have upset me, but he wasn’t really the one I was angry at.

“I’m sorry. I just felt like I had to do something. It was foolish.” Ren apologized and bowed once again. I stared at him in amazement. Was this really him? Was this the true personality of the model that plagued my thoughts since the runway show? I couldn’t believe it. These types of people just didn’t exist anymore, at least not in today’s society. I was learning more about this person who was fierce on stage but a klutz off of it. His exterior wasn’t the only thing that was beautiful about him, apparently. I slowly removed my sunglasses to get a better look at him. Ren’s eyes seemed to widen and his skin became flustered as I took them off and revealed my face to him, making me smirk. I wondered… did Ren find me attractive?

“It was. But I like it.” This comment just seemed to effortlessly escape my lips. It hadn’t been my intention of flirting with him- it just happened. I didn’t realize the weight of my words until they had already been said. And judging by the stunned look on Ren’s face, it wasn’t something that went by unnoticed by him either.

“H-huh?”

“Don’t take it as a compliment. If you expect to hear a real compliment out of me, you’ll have to earn it just like everyone else. And I don’t impress easily, understood?” I said in attempt to save face in front of him after my awkward statement that was very unlike Mr. Kim. A sudden vacant look spread across Ren’s face as he seemed to space out. This lasted several seconds before he snapped back into reality and seemed to panic. I somewhat furrowed my brows in confusion at this strange sight in front of me. When Ren picked up that I had noticed this odd behavior of his, he nervously smiled.

“I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

“I never repeat myself.” I tried to come off as cold when in reality I was a bit concerned. What was all of that about just now?

“Oh… ok…” Ren seemed to try to want to downplay what had just happened. I wondered though; was it just part of his loopy personality to tune out sometimes? That must have been it. Ren seemed a hundred percent normal for something to be wrong with him. I disregarded it for a personality trait of his and moved on.

“You’re very bold, aren’t you?” I said, trying to change the subject after sensing his discomfort.

“I’m sorry? I mean, I’ve been told that before…” He admitted. I was sure he had. I smiled before turning away from him.

“You’re bold, but you’re not disrespectful. You have humility when it is needed. It’s a good trait. I need more of that on my side. I look forward to what you have to bring to the team.” I replied before climbing down the stairs.

“T-Thank you…” Ren stuttered. I paused and glanced back at him, still smiling. Although it had been awkward, I had enjoyed our first real conversation. At least now I had a general idea about what type of personality the one person who couldn’t seem to escape my mind had. And I found myself liking him even more. I wanted to be around him as often as I could, even knowing that he liked someone else. I thought back to the conversation I had with Jason, when he said that JR probably wasn’t gay and had already rejected Ren. But what if there was more to the story than that? What if JR really did like him? What were the real odds of him acting on his feelings? I couldn’t imagine that they were very high, especially since he couldn’t even seem to take credit for his own company and had to hire me to do it for him. In the end, if Ren were to continue to wait around for something that might not ever happen, he would be the one to hurt the most. It made me wonder… was it really ok to go after Ren? Would JR mind? After knowing what JR was going through because of Jason, the last thing on my mind was to possibly hurt him as well. I felt extremely conflicted, but at the same time my heart was telling me to just selfishly jump at it.

“I think things are about to start getting interesting from here on out.” I hinted at Ren before leaving him with those last few words. I wanted to pursue this, even if it might be a bit difficult or almost impossible. I’d rather live with the pain of trying and failing than to have never tried at all. Ren was a curious being to me, someone which I wanted to learn more about. As for now, I didn’t have any plans on leaving him alone. When I reached the bottom of the staircase I suddenly heard Jason call out to me from the top. I paused and glanced up at him as he climbed down to the first floor to meet with me. Once he was downstairs he folded his arms across his chest and leaned back against the railing with a smug smile stretched across his lips.

“And so it begins.” He slyly replied.

“What begins?” I hesitated to ask back, not sure if I what he had to say would be something that I’d want to hear. Jason smirked at me.

“Your downward fall into the abyss that differentiates you from I.” He darkly replied. I angrily turned my back to him.

“You’re full of it.” I scoffed before heading for the door. Jason remained standing motionless in place with the same smug and all-knowing expression spread across his face.

“You’ll see.”  

 

 

JR’s POV

Soon after I woke up the next morning, I didn’t spare a second to get dressed before I rushed down to Dambi’s studio to meet with her. My eyes were tired and red- I had spent the entire night looking into the possibility of her idea about starting up another business and abandoning House of Kim. After doing all the research and looking at the figures in my bank account, I discovered that the plan was indeed very possible for me to do. But it would require a lot of work piled onto the amount of work I was already currently doing trying to run House of Kim while being forced to collaborate with JA Style. Could I really do it all by myself? I had my doubts. I was only one person. There was danger in taking on too much than I could handle, at least health-wise. But I didn’t really have a choice anymore, did I? It was either work hard or let Jason take and ruin everything. I couldn’t let him do that, and besides, I had already decided that if I had to go down, at least I wouldn’t go down pathetically.

When I arrived at Dambi’s studio, I nearly burst through the doors in a hurry to speak with her when I realized that she was in the middle of a class. She had been training those three girls again all of which turned around to stare at me. I awkwardly scratched the back of my neck and turned away from them, standing off to the side in the practice room. Dambi excused herself from the group and walked up to me with a concerned look on her face.

“Is everything alright? You know I teach a class at this time, and I know you didn’t come to join in…” Her voice trailed off as she gave me a suspicious yet hopeful look. “Did you?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Drats.” Dambi pouted.

“I thought they only attended the night classes…” I said, glimpsing briefly over at the three girls who were busily talking amongst themselves. I began to feel extremely uncomfortable again. Dambi shrugged.

“The schedule of a model is never a concrete one. They attend whichever session their schedule allows. Anyways, do you have something to tell me?” She asked. I nodded.

“I want to do it.” I firmly stated. Dambi gave me a strange look.

“You want to dance again?”

“No, not that. The other thing. You know, the one we talked about the other day. I’m going to really do it. I’m already in the process of setting it up.” I replied. Dambi’s face lit up with excitement and she squealed before leaning forward and wrapping her arms around me and lifting me up off of my feet.

“I’m so happy for you! Finally our little Jonghyun has found his courage~!” She teased, setting me back down on the ground. The other girls turned at the sound of the commotion and started to approach us.

“What sounds like good news around here?” Nana winked. I glanced at Dambi with an unsure look on my face. Dambi nodded.

“It looks like JR is about to start his own business!” Dambi vaguely exclaimed. Lizzy’s face lit up.

“Oh? What kind of business? Is it perhaps fashion? Are you still designing these days?” Lizzy inquired. This was the first time anyone that I had known from high school had asked me anything about myself, much less if I still designed. I gave her an uncomfortable look. Although we both knew each other from the past, she still didn’t have the slightest idea of who I really was. None of them did.

“Yeah…”

Lizzy grinned. “Don’t worry about it! We all love fashion here!” She tried to reassure me then pointed at the three of them. “We’re models, don’t you know?” She smiled at me. I awkwardly nodded.

“Of course I know… I’ve written reports on shows all three of you have walked in.” I replied, keeping my head down to avoid looking at them. Despite knowing them on a somewhat personal level from school and Dambi’s dance classes, Nana, Lizzy and Raina were some of the biggest names in the modeling industry. It was impossible not to know them. They were in pictures in magazines and advertisements worldwide. However, none of them had gone as far as Dambi had back when she was still modeling. Out of the three, Nana had come the closest but she still wasn’t there yet.

“Now those were good reports, right?” Raina joked.

“Your designs were very good back in the day, from what I remember of course. I’m very interested to see what type of designs you’re capable of now.” Nana smiled, folding her arms across her chest.

“Hey, maybe someday we’ll get to wear your clothes.” Lizzy replied. My eyes grew wide as her words reached my ears. Truthfully, she already had. In the earlier years of my company, I had used all three of them in a pictorial for House of Kim. But that was only something I knew, being the person solely responsible for contacting their agencies to personally request them. They never had the slightest idea that it was the doing of their old classmate. Although I continued to play it off as if I didn’t know them, I truthfully had never forgotten what they had done for me that one time in the past. A smile of amusement spread across my lips before I humbly bowed.

“T-Thank you.”

“Oh, come on. No formalities. We’re all friends here, remember?” Lizzy said, playfully slapping me on my left shoulder. I could see by the look in her eyes that she really did hope that I remembered her, for whatever reason. I shifted my gaze down.

“I do… remember.” I finally decided to come clean with the truth. The time had finally come where I was brave enough to talk about it. In the past, I would have broken down into tears after being forced to remember that one incident that happened several years ago. But all of that changed now. I had been through so much since then. After finally getting the chance to cry and talk it out and actually be comforted… the past… it was starting not to seem so scary anymore. Ren had given me that courage, that extra push that I needed to start mending my broken heart.

“Say whaaaat?” Raina suddenly asked, sounding rather surprised by my comment. She glanced at Lizzy who shared the same look on her face and then at Nana. “He remembers that day?”

Lizzy stepped forward. “You do know we’re not talking about all of the dance practices from before, but from even way back then-”

“I remember what you did for me back in high school… And I never got the chance to say it before, but… thank you… and sorry… for burdening you…”

Raina paused. “We all suspected it, but is that why you didn’t want to come to practices with us? Is that why you left?” She asked. Nana stared at me for a moment in silence as if trying to figure me out before slowly smirking in conclusion.

“Idiot; asking for help isn’t called being a burden. Call on us for help! We’ll be there. Heh.” Nana reassured me before glancing down at her watch. She sadly pouted as she glanced over at Dambi. “Sorry, unni, looks like we’re going to have to call it quits for today. We have to be on location for a show in an hour.”

Dambi gracefully bowed. “No problem, get going. I don’t want to be the reason you’re all late.” She reassured her. All three of the girls smiled at her before saying their goodbyes as they grabbed their bags and left the studio. Once they were gone Dambi folded her arms across her chest and smirked at me. “It looks like you have all sorts of friends in high places. Will you use them for your shows in the future?”

“There’s not a doubt about it. I trust them.”

Dambi smiled at me. “That’s good. It’s a big start for someone who’s been hiding himself from the world until recently.”

“Noona, the reason why I came here was to ask you something.” I suddenly said, changing the subject. Dambi suddenly paused. A dark look washed over her face.

“Were… you perhaps thinking of asking me to return to the industry for you?”

I gave her an earnest, surprised look in return. “What? No! Noona, never. I know how uncomfortable just the thought of it makes you feel. I could never ask you for something like that.” I nervously replied. Asking her to model for me had never even crossed my mind. When Dambi left the modeling industry after her very public fight with Jason, she left for good. She said she couldn’t stand the way things were run and quit. Although I would have secretly loved for her model for me, even for House of Kim, which she never got the chance to do, I wouldn’t ask her to do it. A stunned, almost disappointed look spread across Dambi’s face.

“You could try…”

“Hmm?”

Dambi nervously laughed as she unfolded her arms and dropped them down to her sides. “Nothing! So what did you want to ask me?” She said, quickly changing the subject. I awkwardly smiled at her.

“I’m going to be really busy. From now on, I’ll be designing for three companies: House of Kim, JA Style, and now my new company. It’s going to be a lot of work. I’m even worried for myself. If you wouldn’t mind, could you perhaps-”

“Check on you to see if you’re still alive?”

“Well… yes…”

Dambi laughed then patted me roughly on the back. “Gotcha.” She playfully winked at me. “Work hard but don’t work too hard. I know you got this, JR. If you need anything, call on me. Fighting!” She encouraged. I nodded then bowed.

“Thank you, noona. I will.” We both said our goodbyes and then I left. Before making the trip back home, I decided to stop by the art supply store I usually frequented. I wanted to stock up on my already low-running supplies so that I didn’t have to be bothered to do so later. I walked deeper into town until I stumbled across the shop then entered. The business owners recognized me and greeted me warmly before scurrying off to gather the supplies I usually requested. I had been their frequent customer for years that they had come to memorize my purchase and didn’t even need to ask what it was that I wanted. As I waited for them to collect my items, I reached down for my phone in my pocket and pulled it out. I stared down at it in silence as I thought of how I ended up running out from Ren’s apartment the other day. As expected, a day of quiet had passed between the two of us. Either both of us were too scared to contact one another, or Ren was waiting on me to apologize. I had a sinking feeling in the bottom of my stomach that it was the latter of the two. I was the one who had been rude, wasn’t I? And if I didn’t fix this, then a future where I could go to Ren and be by his side would be impossible. I opened up a blank text and started typing my message.

‘I’m sorry for what happened the other day. Are you mad at me?’ I took a deep breath before gathering up the courage to hit the send button. After it had sent, the shop owner had returned with my items and sat it down next to the register in front of me. I placed my phone down on the counter while I reached for my wallet to pay, convinced that Ren was probably upset with me and probably wouldn’t be returning my text for at least a while. To my surprise, my phone suddenly vibrated as I took my card out and handed it to the man who quickly swiped it and returned it back to me. I hurried to put it back inside of my wallet and then into my back pocket while the shop owner bagged my items. When he finished he handed it to me and I took the bag in my right hand and my phone in my left. I bowed and thanked him before I left, turning my phone screen back on to see Ren’s response as I stepped through the door.

‘No, I’m not mad at you.’

I paused. His answer had been so short and simple that I almost didn’t want to believe him. But what else could I do? I had already apologized. I frowned then shifted the bag I was carrying to my elbow, bringing both of my arms together to hold my phone as I texted back.

‘I’m really sorry.’ I responded then waited. Almost a full minute went by and still no response. I sighed then continued on, walking towards the bus stop and waiting. I climbed on board after it arrived, taking an empty seat by a window and setting my bag on top of my lap. I continued to stare at the phone in my hand as the bus started moving. Finally I felt it vibrate. I checked for Ren’s response.

‘It’s ok. It wasn’t a reaction I didn’t expect.’

Ren’s words hit me hard. He meant… he was expecting for me to run away? I didn’t know why, but for some reason this really bothered me. I couldn’t stand hearing other people’s negative thoughts about me. Surely Ren didn’t mean to come across as negative, but I felt it was. Running away from uncomfortable situations was a habit of mine which I hated. Deep down, I regretted running away that day, even if it meant that I would have been forced to answer to Ren’s feelings at that moment. I couldn’t return them… yet. But when the day finally came, I would. Could Ren wait that long though? Apparently I had taken too long to respond to Ren’s comment and he had sent me another message.

‘Are we… ok?’ He asked.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I know I messed things up. But can we still be friends? Are we still friends?’

I paused briefly before starting to quickly type back a response. ‘Of course we’re still friends.’

‘Then when can I see you? Can I come see you now?’

‘It’s a bit complicated.’ I hesitated before sending my last message. I knew it wouldn’t sit well with Ren and might end up even hurting him. But I couldn’t meet with him right now, or anytime soon for that matter. I had just made the decision to give up all of my free time to be able to commit myself to this new plan to take Jason down. I wanted more than anything for Ren to know that it was for this reason why I couldn’t see him, but it was impossible without revealing my real identity. It seemed like no matter what I did, Ren was going to be hurt by me. I stared down at my phone, waiting. This time his response wasn’t as quick as before. I knew it. I had hurt him.

‘Oh… ok… I understand… You need your time.’ Ren finally replied. That’s not it… I wanted to tell him this but I couldn’t. Right as I was about to start typing my response, he sent me another message. ‘About how long do you think that is…?’

‘I’m not sure.’ I replied.

‘Call me.’ Ren suddenly demanded. I stared at the screen with stunned eyes. Was he upset with me? I couldn’t tell what his tone was in the form of a text. My heart started racing. He wanted me to call him, but I was afraid of confrontation. I almost died when I had to confront Jason. I began to panic. No, I won’t call him. Right as I was about to put my phone away, my phone started vibrating multiple times in a pattern. I nearly jumped out of my skin. I guiltily glanced down at my phone to see Ren’s number calling me. He must have known that I wouldn’t call him... I picked up his call. He didn’t even give me a chance to say hello before he cut me off. “Are you not going to see me again?” His voice sounded heartbroken.

“Ren-”

“Don’t turn me into a fool and spell it out clearly for me right here and now. I don’t want to be a fool… dammit…” The torn sadness in his voice made my heart ache.

“Please… don’t be like this….”

Ren gasped. “Don’t be like this? What does that mean? Ah, I must sound so pathetic to you now, huh? Now that everything is all out in the open like this.”

“That’s not what I meant!”

“Then say it!”

“I’m not sure when I can see you- not because I don’t want to see you, but because a lot of work has suddenly come up. I promise, Ren, it’s not what you think. I already told you we’re still friends. Would I lie to you?” I froze as I said these last words, instantly regretting saying them. I just set myself up in a trap for later, didn’t I? Dammit, what have I done? Ren sniffled into the phone.

“I know you wouldn’t… but dammit, I just don’t know what to do right now. I feel like I really messed up. I guess it’s just really bad timing, huh? Bad timing…” He repeated as if he didn’t really believe the words that were coming out of his own mouth.

“Yes, it’s bad timing…” I fought back the tears that threatened to fall after hearing that Ren trusted that I wouldn’t lie to him. “Listen, Ren, I have to go.”

“Do you really have to go?”

I froze for a second before leaning back in my seat and taking a minute to push back the painful tears. My throat began to burn from trying to keep it all inside and my chest tightened in sadness. I sniffled, throwing my head back and glancing up at the ceiling of the bus before looking back down and out through the window. “I-I have to go.”

“JR, don’t hang up-” Ren pleaded in tears. “I felt it… I felt your heart… Is it because you’re afraid?” He asked. I swallowed the lump inside the back of my throat and pursed my lips together. I’m afraid… but not for the reason you think, Ren. I’m not afraid of my own heart- I’m afraid of yours. You who loves so earnestly and with all of your heart, you who for some crazy reason loves me, someone who is unworthy of that love. At least for now. I can’t even be honest with you, but I want to be. And I will. But right now I need for you to give me that chance to let me earn it. These are the words I desperately want to tell you but can’t.

“I have to get back to work.” I said, hating myself for ignoring him. There was a pause on the other end of the line after I failed to answer his question. I think deep down he must had known that he wouldn’t get an answer out of me. Finally Ren spoke up again, having no choice but to let it go as he switched topics.

“Are you really that busy…?” Ren’s voice sadly trailed off. He sounded like he was hurting deeply inside. Hearing his pain only furthered mine.

“For the next few months, yes, I will be…”

“I will be too… I’ll be working with Mr. Kim during that time. I can already expect that he’ll keep me busy. But that doesn’t mean I still won’t want to talk to you…” Ren replied. I flinched as I heard him say that particular name but almost melted when I heard that last part. Silent tears flooded the corners of my eyes and trickled down my cheeks. I rose my left arm and wiped them on my sleeve before sniffling again.

“D-Don’t let me be a distraction, understand? During that time you should work hard. Become the model you’ve always dreamt about becoming. I’m trying something different. But I’ll work just as hard too. Let’s become someone great together.”

“Will you at least call me if it all becomes too much? Don’t suffer alone…” Ren selflessly pleaded me. I leaned forward and covered my eyes with my arm. My entire body began to tremble as I silently began to sob. I pulled back and stupidly nodded even though he couldn’t see me.

“Mmm, I promise.” I replied, wanting to keep my responses short so that he wouldn’t know that I was crying.

“I’ll see you… when we’re both someone great…”

“I-I’ll see you then.”