Ren’s POV

“The final lineup of the top three models will consist as follows. Second lead, Choi, Ren; first lead, Hwang, Minhyun; Top Model, Kwak, Aron. Thank you to all who participated. Your hard work did not go by unacknowledged.” Baekho announced, followed by a full minute of silence within the room. I sat frozen in place for a moment in shock before quickly glancing over at Minhyun, remembering that journal entry of his about fearing something like this might happen. Minhyun’s face had grown pale and he almost seemed empathetic. I switched my gaze over towards Aron, who was staring into the ground in stunned silence. I forced a smile on my face, trying to break this awkward tension in the air over the big change in the lineup.

“Heyyy, congratulations, Aron. You did it. You won Minhyun’s bet!” I said, hoping that the two of them might lighten up. Aron almost seemed disappointed that he had taken Minhyun’s spot and he cautiously glanced up at him. The two of them shared an unsure look before Minhyun also forced a smile on his lips and hesitantly nodded.

“… You finally did it. Congratulations…” Minhyun awkwardly congratulated him. Aron strangely nodded then hung his head down low, saying nothing at all. Jason clapped his hands together.

“Yes, congratulations, models. Everyone is dismissed. You all did great!” Jason announced and watched as the room slowly emptied. Once it was just the few of us left, Jason patted Baekho on the shoulder. “We’ll be in touch, Mr. Kim.” He said before leaving shortly afterwards. I watched as Aron rose then quickly fled the room after him, keeping his head down the entire time without so much as even acknowledging Baekho before he left. I sighed then stood up on my own two feet then glanced down at Minhyun when I realized that he wasn’t moving.

“Come on, don’t be like this… Remember what I said? You need to be happy for him.” I said, grabbing a hold of his arm and helping him up.

“How can I be when this is all a part of some cruel joke…?” Minhyun glared over at Baekho then shook his arm out of my grasp. My eyes grew wide in horror as I watched him angrily march up to the designer and stop in front of him. “I thought you could put personal differences aside. It looks like you couldn’t.” He accused. Baekho blankly stared back at him.

“Is that what you think?” Baekho asked, seeming unintimidated. I ran up to the two of them and tugged on Minhyun’s sleeve.

“Minhyun, stop, please… Mr. Kim wouldn’t possibly do such a thing, right?” I asked, looking up at Baekho, pleading his confirmation that all of this was just a misunderstanding. Minhyun roughly shook me off while still glaring at him.

“All because of a few disagreements and what happened last night…” Minhyun scoffed. “You are so irresponsible and unprofessional. You’re the most unprofessional designer I’ve ever met!” He snapped.

“Hwang, Minhyun.” Baekho warned while I watched everything spin out of control.

“The jokes on you, Mr. Kim. I will make sure Aron succeeds! I will make sure he reaches his full potential as Top Model! You’ll see.” Minhyun angrily replied before storming out of the practice room, leaving just the two of us. For a moment I was utterly lost as to what to do. Who was I supposed to chase after? Aron, or Minhyun? Was I even supposed to chase after someone? And what about Baekho? The change in the lineup couldn’t have been about something so petty as Baekho and Minhyun not getting along… could it? I sullenly glanced up at Baekho who I noticed had dropped his cold, indifferent mask in front of me and actually looked quite distraught.

“It’s not what it looks like… is it?” I carefully asked, somewhat fearful of how he might react. Although he was wearing his sunglasses, I could see the stunned, hurt look that Baekho had given me in response. Baekho pursed his lips together and turned his head away from me in disappointment. I immediately regretted asking. Of course it wasn’t what it looked like… Stupid, stupid Ren-

“I thought you knew me a little bit better than that, Ren.” He replied before shocking me by turning his back to me and leaving the room. I was so taken aback that I couldn’t move. My heart dropped down to the bottom of my stomach. This wasn’t what I had meant to happen… I suddenly felt my right arm outstretching, reaching out for him subconsciously. I froze when I realized this then quickly drew it back down to my side. I tightly pursed both of my lips together while staring down at the ground, wondering what to do. Although I had just caused a rift between Baekho and I, I was still deeply concerned about Minhyun and Aron. I internally fought with myself over what the right thing to do was for several moments before finally deciding on going after Minhyun and Aron first, having faith that Baekho might understand and forgive me later. I ran out into the mostly empty lobby and was about to head downstairs when I suddenly heard both Aron and Minhyun’s voices coming from inside of Jason’s office. I slowly turned around and stood outside of the office in the hallway, silently listening in.

“I want you to reconsider, please, Jason-” Aron’s voice was cut off by Jason.

“Why did you even bother trying out if you didn’t want the position?!” Jason snapped at him.

“I just… I wanted to see if I could do it. I didn’t expect… I can’t take his spot!”

“And why not?”

“Aron!” Minhyun snapped. “Enough. Just stop it.” He said almost pleadingly.

“How can I? I’ve never, ever been the headliner! How am I supposed to suddenly do it so close to the end of my career? Does that even make sense?”

“Do you want it?” Minhyun suddenly asked. The room went silent for a few seconds.

“…What?” Aron asked in disbelief.

“Do you want it?” Minhyun repeated himself. “And be honest with yourself. Do you, Aron Kwak, want it?” Minhyun asked. Once again there was a long silence.

“… I do.”

Minhyun paused. “Then that’s good enough, isn’t it?” He asked with noticeable sadness in his voice. “About the apartment-”

“I don’t care what you do with the apartment.” Jason replied in annoyance.

“No.” Minhyun refused to hear it. “It’s supposed to go to the Top Model.”

“Min, you don’t have to. I don’t want it-”

“Rules are rules-” Minhyun started but was interrupted.

“I really don’t want to deal with this right now.” Aron suddenly replied before exiting Jason’s office. He paused when he spotted me standing outside in the hallway next to him. Before I could say something to him, he turned his head away from me and took a step forward. I quickly leaned in and grabbed him by his left elbow, stopping him.

“Let’s talk.” I said to him. Aron stopped for a moment before reluctantly nodding, allowing me to pull him downstairs with me. Together we exited Jason’s shop and walked down the street, not stopping until we reached a bench further into the city where I forced him to sit. I sat down next to him. “Tell me what you’re really feeling right now.”

“I can’t.” He replied.

“Can’t or don’t want to?” I asked.

“Both.” Aron replied indifferently.

“Why?”

“You know why. You have ears. You heard what Jason and Mr. Kim just said. I took Min’s spot.”

“But you said you wanted it.”

“I do!” Aron replied, frustrated.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I’m scared!” He finally replied. “I’m only ever used to being first lead, never Top Model! It’s a spot reserved for the best. How can I possibly do it or Minhyun any justice? If I take that stage and manage to screw it up, he’ll hate me forever. After taking his spot, I can’t afford to disappoint him.”

“I’m sure you won’t. Minhyun isn’t mad about you taking his spot.” I replied only to receive a strange look from Aron in return. I continued. “Look, he might appear to be upset, but trust me, it’s definitely not over you taking his spot from him. He’s worried about the same thing you are: you being prepared.”

“That can’t be it.” Aron replied, shaking his head in refusal. I folded my arms across my chest and sighed heavily.

“The misunderstandings that could be resolved between you two if only you guys actually ever talked! Talk to him! Don’t be afraid – he’s your boyfriend, isn’t he? Trust me, he’ll support you. You just need to have the confidence within you that I know you have. And it’s not like I won’t help you either. I don’t have as much experience, but I did learn to walk from Son Dambi-”

Aron’s eyes suddenly grew wide. “Do you think if you asked her, she would help me out too?” He asked. I paused for a moment, feeling rather uncertain. I tilted my head to the side and uncomfortably pursed my lips together. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to help set him up with Dambi’s mentoring, it was just that I hadn’t spoken to her since the last time I saw her, which was at the birthday party that she and JR had thrown for me at her dance studio.

“I’m not sure… She was one of the friends I met through JR.” I replied, trying to push back the painful memories of the times I had spent together with JR.

“She doesn’t strike me as the type to take sides.”

“Same, but I’m still not sure if it’s something I should be doing…”

“But you said you would help me.” Aron replied, using my own words against me. I bit my bottom lip. Truthfully, I was a bit scared to face Dambi, even though I had done nothing wrong to her or JR. I was afraid that if I spoke to her, she might bring JR up and fill me in on how or what he was doing lately. I mean, it was unlikely that he had moved on with someone else, but if I heard that this was the case, I’d be utterly devastated. And it wasn’t that I didn’t want to wish him unwell, but with as much emotional pain and turmoil he had caused me, I didn’t want to hear that he was living happily without me either. But Dambi was a rational woman, and the two of us had bonded, even without JR present. She wouldn’t throw away our friendship because JR and I had a fight, would she? I sighed.

“Fine. But you have to come with me.” I finally said then rose to my feet. Aron hopped off the bench and happily smiled at me.

“After you.” Aron replied then followed me as the two of us made our way deeper downtown. After several minutes of walking, the two of us finally arrived out front of her dance studio. I came to a halt as I stood in front of it. Her dance studio sign had been removed and there was a ‘for rent’ sign plastered on the front door. Aron frowned. “Did she move?” He asked, not knowing as much as I did about Dambi and her plans to return to the modeling industry. I pulled out my phone and pulled up her number, slightly hesitating before finally calling her. The phone rang several times. Right when I was certain that she wasn’t going to answer, I was surprised to suddenly hear her pick up.

“Ren?” She asked through my speaker, sounding confused. I panicked over what to say next, not thinking that I would get this far.

“Noona!” I awkwardly replied. There was a slight pause before she cheerfully spoke up.

“Heeey! I was wondering when I was going to hear from you! What’cha up to, kiddo?” Dambi replied as if nothing was ever wrong between us.

“We’re outside your dance studio-”

“Oh, that place is long gone, kid! Wait a minute, ‘we’?”

“Aron’s with me.” I replied. Had she thought I meant JR?

“HI NOONA.” Aron yelled over the phone. Dambi laughed.

“Tell him I said ‘hi’ back.” She replied. I turned to Aron.

“She says hi.”

“Omg.” Aron replied, sounding star struck. I rolled my eyes.

“What are you doing out there for?” Dambi suddenly inquired.

“There was something we needed to ask you about, if you have the time?” I hopefully asked.

“Great timing, I’m already out. If you want I can meet you somewhere.” Dambi offered.

“That’d be great! Thanks!” I replied then made plans to meet her at the small café at the corner of the street where her old dance studio used to be. After hanging up, Aron and I walked down there and waited at one of the tables inside. While we were waiting, Aron turned to me.

“…You really think Minhyun’s not mad at me?” He asked, still sounding unsure and unconvinced. I didn’t want to give too much away about what I had read about in Minhyun’s journal, in which he thought Aron being picked was a cruel joke because they didn’t get along. When I had asked Minhyun about it, he had explained that he was genuinely worried about Aron, not wanting him to go through what he had to just to maintain his spot. It wasn’t because he was selfish and didn’t want Aron to have it like it seemed like it was. But I didn’t think it was such a good idea for Aron to know about the joke part. Right now he needed support, not to misjudge Minhyun’s intentions.

“I really don’t think he is.”

“I know I must seem like a pro at it, but I really hate making him mad.” He replied, sounding upset. “That’s why I asked you to help me out with contacting Son Dambi. I know I must have put you in an uncomfortable position…” Aron said apologetically.

“You putting me in uncomfortable positions isn’t something I’m not already used to.” I joked. Aron looked up at me, a small smile spread across his lips. I nudged him in the arm. “There we go; that’s much better. You should be happy and excited about today’s news. Stop unnecessarily worrying about Minhyun. I’m sure there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you. Just let the initial shock wear down, after all, he did just lose a spot that’s he’s maintained for years now.”

“Yeah…” Aron sadly shifted his gaze down towards the table.

“But it’s not something he wasn’t prepared to lose. Come on, he dared the both of us to take it from him. Minhyun likes competition, sure, but he’s also the type to secretly want others to do well too – that’s who he is, from what I’ve learned. Tell me the truth, he’s a real softie on the inside, isn’t he?” I . Aron’s frown slowly twisted into a demented grin.

“He’d kill me if I told you what he’s really like when we’re alone.”

“Spill.” I replied, highly interested. I mean, I already had a hint about Minhyun’s true personality when I found the picture frame of Aron on his nightstand.

“Well you already know he’s the jealous type.”

“Duh. Tell me more though.”

“He’s a cuddler.” Aron finally admitted.

“Nooo.”

“Yes.”

“But I’ve seen him throw off your advances dozens of times-”

“In public.” Aron grinned, enjoying giving away Minhyun’s dark secrets. We were suddenly both distracted when we spotted Dambi stepping through the front door of the café. She had her short brown hair tied up underneath a black hat and wore a casual black and white striped long sleeve shirt underneath a pair of black overalls and black vans. When she walked inside she was biting into a Peppero stick. She turned to us, smiled and waved before joining us at our table and taking a seat. She sat back and gave me an analytic look.

“I’d be lying if I didn’t say I wasn’t surprised that you called me here today.” Dambi said before glancing over at Aron and saying hello. He slightly bowed forward in his seat and returned her greeting. I held my head down low.

“I wasn’t sure if you would want to see me again.” I depressingly replied.

“Sweetie,” Dambi tapped her hand on the table to get me to look up at her. “What happened in the past doesn’t affect you and I, you understand? You’re a good kid and I enjoy your company. I just said that I was surprised, is all. Truthfully I was a day away from contacting you first, but I thought I should wait… How have you been holding up?” She asked, sounding genuinely concerned about me. I forced a smile on my lips.

“Just fine, thanks. I have my work to keep me entertained these days.” I replied.

“That’s good. You should work hard.” She said, relieved. I glanced over at Aron.

“I’m not the only one that’s been working hard. In fact, we just found out that Aron is the new Top Model for the House of Kim x JA Style collaboration. He will be the face of the new exclusive collection.” I praised him. Aron shyly shrunk into his shoulders in front of Dambi, whose face brightly lit up.

“Oh! Congratulations! You’re the new Top Model!” Dambi cheered for him. Aron grinned.

“Thank you, noona.”

“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I understand you must be really busy these days, and I hope I’m not overstepping my boundaries by asking this, but could you possibly help Aron out the way you helped me?” I cautiously asked. Dambi glanced over at Aron and stared at him for a moment before blinking and turning back to me.

“I’m not all that busy…” Her voice trailed off. A concerned look spread over her face. “I don’t have a studio to practice in anymore…” She glanced up at Aron. “You mind meeting me up at a gym?” She asked without even hesitating to help him. I stared at her in shock. Even despite knowing that she hated Jason with a passion, she was still willing to help Aron, one of Jason’s models, perfect his walk, just as she had helped me. Dambi really didn’t let her relationships with other people interfere with her private life, did she? Aron quickly shook his head.

“I don’t mind!” He happily exclaimed. Dambi smirked at him.

“Good! From now on you’ll be working out with me.”

“Thank you, noona.” I gratefully thanked her, not just for agreeing to help Aron, but for still wanting to be a part of my life even if JR wasn’t. Dambi smiled at me.

“I needed a gym partner anyways. I was never out of shape, but I should still maintain my body.” Dambi replied. Aron gave her a curious look.

“Why did you sell your studio?” He asked. Both Dambi and I shared a look before she awkwardly smiled at him.

“You mean Ren didn’t tell you? I’m coming out of retirement.” She replied. Aron’s face lit up.

“Really? That’s great! I’ve been waiting for this day! Who are you representing?” He excitedly asked. Dambi leaned forward into the table as if she were about to tell him.

“It’s a secret.” She replied. Aron pouted.

“Really? That .” He said, letting it go. He understood that she was probably now under contract and if she said anything she wasn’t supposed to, she risked breaking it. Dambi sat back in her chair.

“Yep, those are the brakes. All I can say is that it’s for a new up and coming designer. You’ll have to wait like everyone else.” Dambi hinted once again. I furrowed my brows while listening, wondering just who this new designer was that she had once told me would rival House of Kim and maybe even blow him out of the industry.

“Well, I can’t wait to meet this new designer then.” I replied, joining in on the conversation. Dambi slightly paused for a brief moment as she glanced at me from the corners of her eyes and away from Aron. She nervously smiled and nodded.

“I’m sure you’ll be quite surprised.” Dambi vaguely responded then stood up, removing her wallet from her purse dangling on her shoulder. “Who’s thirsty? I’m buying!” She said then walked over towards the front counter to order. Aron leapt up from his chair and followed her while I remained seated, still thinking about the new designer and trying to imagine what kind of an impact his presence might make. I admired Dambi’s optimism, but I just couldn’t see anyone overtaking Baekho and House of Kim, especially someone who was supposedly a newcomer. Unless… maybe this person wasn’t…? I paused. Dambi had said it was a new designer. She hadn’t mentioned anything about them being new to the fashion industry. Although unlikely, it was possible that it was an existing designer under a new name. Though I wasn’t sure how often that happened. I shook my head. I’m just imagining crazy things again, aren’t I?

 

 

After meeting up with Dambi and she agreed to give Aron a hand, I walked Aron back to his car on the other side of town where he had left it in the parking garage near Jason’s studio. As we walked, I listened to Aron go on about how excited he was to get the opportunity to learn from Dambi herself. He continued to praise her and talk about how he had followed the entire span of her career. We talked a bit about how generous she was to be helping the both of us and even briefly discussed this new designer coming to the industry. Based off of her history with Jason, I knew that Dambi wouldn’t just agree to model for anyone. That’s why it was difficult for me to grasp the concept that she was modeling for a newcomer. But I didn’t know how well Dambi was acquainted with this new company either. She could have secretly been in talks with this designer for quite some time and seen their work, deeming them worthy. It was impossible for anyone but Dambi herself to know what was going on behind the scenes. Like she had said, we just needed to wait and see. I was about to say my goodbye as we approached Aron’s car but he stopped me.

“Follow me.” Aron insisted. “You don’t have any other plans for tonight, do you?” He asked. I hesitantly paused with Baekho on the back of my mind. I forced an awkward smile on my lips and slowly shook my head.

“I guess not…”

“Great! Get in.” He said, unlocking the doors and climbing in for himself. I heavily sighed before climbing into the back seat. The moment I shut the back door Aron locked all four of them and even went so far as to disable them from the back seat, trapping me. I furrowed my brows and gave him a crazy look.

“Aron? Um… what are you doing, buddy?” I nervously asked.

“We’re going to Min’s.” He immediately answered. I threw my head back in my seat.

“And you felt as if you needed to lock me in here why?” I asked him.

“Because I still think he’s mad.” Aron replied.

“I already told you, I don’t think he’s mad at you.”

“He won’t kill me if you’re there.”

“You really don’t ever listen to a word I say, do you?” I sighed as Aron started the car, backed out of the parking garage and started driving down the street in the direction of Minhyun’s apartment. When we arrived several minutes later, Aron parked the car and latched onto my arm, pulling me with him as he forced me to walk with him into the building. We rode the elevator up to Minhyun’s floor and when we arrived at his door, Aron shoved me in front of it and stood off to the side, hiding from the camera’s view before pushing the doorbell. A few seconds later I could hear Minhyun’s voice from the security speaker outside.

“It’s unlocked.” Minhyun said without coming to the front door. I glanced over at Aron who waved his hands at me to open it. I rolled my eyes and pulled the door open, stepping inside with Aron behind me. Minhyun stood at the end of the hallway with his arms folded across his chest, staring across at us with a blank expression written on his face. Aron sheepishly circled around me and took a few steps forward with his head hanging low.

“Look, about earlier-” Aron started, only to be quickly cut off by Minhyun.

“You should move in with me.” Minhyun insisted. Aron jaw slightly dropped and he froze. I awkwardly stood behind him, wondering if I should even be here. This really wasn’t any of my business-

“Y-You really want me to? You mean it?” Aron asked as if in disbelief. I thought months back when I had caught him walking to JA Style alone, surprised because I had assumed that just because they were dating I thought that they were already living together. I remembered Aron had gotten mad and defensive at me when he told me that they didn’t. I wondered; was the reason why they didn’t live together because of Minhyun?

Minhyun briefly nodded. “Why not?”

“But… you never wanted to before…” Aron timidly replied, answering my question. So it was because of him.

“Yes, well…” Minhyun’s voice trailed off. He shyly turned his head to the side. “Things are different now. You’re Top Model now. Technically, this place belongs to you. And I have far too many things to just pack up and move and so-” Minhyun began to nervously ramble. I stared at him from the background, completely stunned to see him acting this way in front of Aron. I had to suppress the smile that threatened to escape my lips. Aron simply marched forward in the midst of Minhyun’s ramblings and hugged him, cutting him off. Minhyun froze inside of Aron’s arms and for a brief moment even melted before realizing I was still standing in the entrance hallway. Minhyun awkwardly cleared his throat and tried to push Aron off him, to no prevail. Aron latched on tightly and refused to let go. Minhyun turned a light shade of red in embarrassment, trying to ignore the fact that I was still here.

“Thank you… for supporting me.” Aron said while still hugging him, leaning the side of his face into Minhyun’s chest. Minhyun glanced at me as he spoke down to Aron.

“Of course.” He replied before silently mouthing the words ‘thank you’ to me. I quietly nodded in response. Finally Aron released him. Minhyun placed both of his hands down on his shoulders. “The hard part is only beginning. I’m not going to ask if you’re ready for this. Just know that I’m here to fall back on and help you when everything begins to get tough, which they will.”

“Thanks, Min.” Aron replied. Minhyun dropped his arms down to his sides and glanced in my direction again.

“Ren, may I speak with you for a minute in private?” He asked. I gave him a surprised look and glanced over at Aron who nodded, assuring me that it was okay.

“Sure?” I replied then finally stepped into the living room with them and followed Minhyun upstairs and into his room. Once we were inside he closed the door behind him. He waited a few seconds before he began.

“I’m still not sure about Mr. Kim.”

“What do you mean?”

“I really do believe he’s underqualified to be who he says he is.” Minhyun replied. I gave him a strange look.

“Minhyun, are you trying to say that he’s not the real Mr. Kim?” I laughed. “Come on, be serious here. What are the odds of something as crazy as that happening?”

“Don’t you sense it too?” Minhyun insisted. I paused. When Minhyun realized this, he continued. “See? Your reaction says it all. Even you sense something too whenever he’s around.” He replied. I shifted my gaze down to my feet.

“I sense something…”

“What does that mean?” Minhyun asked. I nervously glanced up.

“N-nothing. Go on?” I replied, trying to cover my tracks. Truthfully, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t ‘sense’ something whenever I was around Baekho. Of course I did, but it wasn’t what Minhyun was probably referring to. I had been ‘sensing’ something from Baekho possibly since the moment we met. Although he was hard on the other models, he had always been nice towards me. And I certainly seemed to have other privileges than the rest of the models, even going so far as to personally hang out with him after work and even getting to pay him a visit at his own home. The same thought seemed to cross my mind repeatedly each time I hung out with him, and the suspicions only further strengthened when he was there for me in my time of need, helping me get through my dark haze. But I always brushed this thought to the side, knowing that I had a tendency to imagine things from time to time. But was I? Did Baekho… like me? Or was this the way he treated all of his friends? I felt unsure.

“I really want to believe that Aron got the spot because of his skills, but with Mr. Kim lingering around… I’m hesitant.” Minhyun thankfully didn’t further question my response.

“Come on, Aron’s improved. You see that.”

“I do.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I just don’t trust him. Mr. Kim is the problem. He’s just off! I don’t think I can bring myself to respect him when there’s just too many mysteries clouding around him. He tries to portray a quiet and cool image behind those ridiculous sunglasses, but that’s just it – he’s always behind those sunglasses. Who is the person behind them? Why does he seem to walk around so clueless all of the time? And what is his relationship with Jason?” Minhyun suddenly asked, bringing forth a lot of unanswered questions that I myself had never bothered asking. It wasn’t as if none of them were groundless. As much as I hated to admit it, Baekho did seem to have an air of cluelessness around him. And he was always wearing those sunglasses, as if hiding, but I already knew that the way he portrayed himself in public was just an act for the journalists and reporters. I was lucky enough to be able to see the real side of Mr. Kim, but even then, I wasn’t sure if I was really seeing everything there was to him. It really was awfully suspicious that he refused and rarely ever spoke about House of Kim outside of work, not to mention that one time he didn’t even recognize his own designs…

“I don’t think they get along.” I naively replied, going based off what I heard Baekho say to him when he had visited Jason in the hospital that one time, unaware that I was sitting in the same room with him. Minhyun dryly laughed.

“Oh, I think it goes far deeper than that. Tell me, do you ever happen to notice Mr. Kim’s behavior versus whenever Jason’s around?” Minhyun asked. I quietly shook my head. “Of course not, you’re never too observant to notice how Mr. Kim allows himself to be pulled along on a string by Jason. A man with as much credentials as he supposedly has going along with everything Jason says? Does that sound right to you? I don’t think so… I think Jason has something on Mr. Kim.”

I stared at him in shock. “You really think so?” I asked. Minhyun nodded.

“Why else would House of Kim have collaborated with Jason? They are two completely different companies, catering to two completely different crowds. Everything just seems so suspicious… If Jason is playing with Mr. Kim like a puppet, that would explain his odd behavior, but it wouldn’t explain his cluelessness.”

“I… I never thought about it that way before, I guess…” I replied, stunned. How could I have never noticed such a thing before? Minhyun was right. Something did seem off about their relationship and even Baekho, but if what he was saying was true, then could that really be why Baekho refused to talk about work? But… I just couldn’t shake that experience of him not recognizing his own shirt. Minhyun might really be on to something here. Something definitely wasn’t right, and it wasn’t unlike Jason to keep secrets either.

“I really don’t know what to believe.” Minhyun replied, sounding exasperated. “But if there’s something going on, I need to know about it before Aron ends up getting hurt.”

“I’ll ask him about it.” I replied, receiving a strange look from Minhyun in return.

“Wait, you’ll what?”

“Mr. Kim and I… are actually really close.” I nervously shifted my gaze away from him, fully prepared not to hear the end of it.

“Since when?!” He exclaimed, upset. He placed his right hand over his forehead. “Forget it, I don’t need to know. That confirms so many suspicions then. Next I know, you’re going to tell me that the two of you are dating, even though I warned you about the consequences of dating designers.” Minhyun replied then waited to gauge my reaction. I quickly shook my head.

“Dating???” I nearly stuttered at the thought. “Come on, we’re just friends!” I replied, finding myself turning red from just imagining it. Minhyun pursed his lips together and frowned.

“It’s not impossible.” He suddenly replied. I froze as I felt my heart stop.

“What do you… mean?” I asked. Minhyun rolled his eyes.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you. It’s the same way Aron looks at me.” He said. I quickly shook my head from side to side.

“No way, you’re imagining things.” By now my heart was racing and I didn’t know why.

“What if I’m not? What if he really likes you? What will you do then?” Minhyun asked. I grabbed both sides of my face and winced my eyes shut tightly together.

“I don’t know… I don’t know…” My voice trailed off, unsure. With as much as I had suspected this about Baekho, it rarely ever crossed my mind about what I might do if it were true. The two of us… together? Baekho, the designer of powerhouse company House of Kim, and me, some newbie model… Did that even make sense? Minhyun stared at me.

“Do you like him?” He asked. I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at him.

“… I don’t know…” I replied in almost a whisper. Minhyun frowned for a couple of seconds before sighing and placing both hands on his hips.

“Only you know what the right thing to do is. Personally, I hate him and find him a questionable character, but then again, I don’t know him as well as you might. There’s nothing I can do if the two of you decide to date, and it’s certainly not my place to say anything if you do. I just… hope maybe you can prove me wrong about him, whether you do or don’t date. I really hate being so bitter all of the time. Despite our differences, I really don’t want to believe he’s this horrible person that’s out to hurt Aron because of me.”

“He’s not!” I exclaimed. “Baekho – I mean, Mr. Kim isn’t like that! I swear he’s not the person you think he is.” I replied, accidentally letting his first name slip. Minhyun gave me a strange look before weakly smiling at me.

“Well, I suppose we’ll see about that, won’t we?” Minhyun replied then stepped forward, opening the door. I sullenly nodded then stepped out first, climbing down the stairs where we found Aron sitting on the couch in the living room, playing a game on his phone. When he noticed our presence he glanced up at us.

“Well about freaking time. For a second I almost thought for sure you two were banging up there.” Aron jokingly accused. I sighed in defeat.

“Oh, come on! Enough with that.” I pleaded him. Aron shrugged.

“What? I was going to ask that if you were, if I could join.” He continued to tease. I narrowed my eyes and placed my hands on my hips. Fine. If he wasn’t going to stop this nonsense, then two could play at this game.

“You must really want to sleep with me.” I accused him. Aron suddenly froze and gave me a startled look.

“Huh???”

“Think about it. You were rude to me from day one. And you even tied me up to a beam inside of the locker room. If that isn’t the result of , then I don’t know what is!” I exclaimed with a dark grin on my face. Aron went silent for a few moment before suddenly glancing over at his boyfriend.

“He’s on to me, Min.” He said all too calmly, making me panic for a split second while pondering whether or not he was actually serious.

“Wait, what??? Hold on-”

Minhyun slapped his hand over his own forehead and groaned. He pointed at me with his index finger. “If you-” he then pointed towards Aron, “or you so much as touch one another, I’m ripping both of yours off!” He jealously threatened. Both Aron and I shared a frightened look. Aron placed both hands in the air, dropping his phone onto his lap in the process.

“Come on, baby, you know Ren’s gross.” Aron defended himself. I turned and glared at him.

“Hey!”

“These jokes end now.” Minhyun demanded, glaring at the both of us but more so at Aron in particular. He hysterically nodded.

“Okay, okay!”

“Oh, thank god…” I almost cried. Finally, a fraction of the awkward situations they put me through would be over! I watched as Aron slowly stood up and walked towards us, stopping beside me. He quietly glanced over at Minhyun before over at me and then back at him once again. A small, devilish smirk spread across Aron’s lips before he suddenly poked me in the shoulder with his right index finger, boldly daring to test Minhyun’s claims. The sound of Minhyun’s frustrated shriek, followed by Aron’s screams of terror as he was being chased upstairs by an angry Minhyun filled the air. Now that I was alone downstairs, I sunk my head down to my chest with actual tears forming in the corners of my eyes. No… they weren’t over…

 

 

By the time I actually managed to get home, it was already dark outside. Despite several of my best attempts to escape from Aron and Minhyun, each time they cleverly stumped me, reeling me back in one way or another. I kicked my shoes off after I entered my apartment and removed my jacket, tossing it on the couch across the living room. I walked into the kitchen, washed my hands and started boiling water to make ramen after having gone the entire day without eating. I leaned my head against the counter as I watched and waited for it to cook. While I waited, my thoughts traveled back to the conversation I had with Minhyun when he had frankly asked me if Baekho liked me. I tilted my head to the side with my chin still resting on the counter surface, wondering about the possibility. I pulled my phone from my pocket and opened up my picture gallery, tapping on the selfie that we had taken outside of Club Seoul. I quietly stared at Baekho’s smiling image before noticing that he had been leaning awfully close against me in the picture. I furrowed my brows. I hadn’t even noticed at the time. Or if I had, maybe I didn’t think anything of it, since we were friends. I suddenly froze. It was then when it hit me that almost a whole day had gone by and I still hadn’t cleared up the misunderstanding between Baekho and I. I tapped my messaging app to find no new messages. Why hadn’t he texted me? Was he still mad at me? I bit my bottom lip then opened up a blank message.

‘Don’t be mad at me…’ I sent him. Surprisingly I didn’t have to wait long to get a response.

‘Are you sure your message is meant for me this time?’ He quickly replied, almost as if he had been waiting for my message all day. I stared down at his response and frowned. Ouch. That was a bit uncalled for… Or was it really? I had upset him earlier. I’m sure nobody liked to be misunderstood. But… that response of his… He was clearly referring to that string of messages that I had sent him by mistake that were actually meant for JR. It was impossible to read his tone through a text, but the way I had read it in my head almost sounded a bit like jealousy. I frowned. Was I really just imagining things anymore?

‘Don’t be like that…’ I sent back.

‘Then who am I?’ He replied. I paused. Was he trying to play a game with me?

‘Baekho~’ I playfully sent back to him, hoping that he really was playing with me and he wasn’t mad. But then again, it was hard to tell over text.

‘What?’ Baekho responded, not seeming to play back with me. I found myself pouting.

‘Are you really mad at me?’ I asked him. If he was, I desperately needed to make things right again.

‘Possibly.’ He replied. I paused for a few seconds before a big grin slowly spread across my lips. So he was toying with me. I eagerly replied back.

‘Don’t be mad at me… It was a mistake.’

‘Okay.’ He simply said. I pouted again. I typed him a whole book and all he could reply with was ‘ok’?

‘Baekho~’ I pestered him.

‘Why? Are you going to make it up to me?’ He suddenly asked. I jumped for joy. I replied with the first thought that popped into my head.

‘Are you hungry?’

‘Why is it always about food with you?’ He cruelly teased me. I hungrily glanced back at the boiling water. It wasn’t fair to say that when I hadn’t even had the chance to eat yet. Regardless, I continued to push the subject.

‘Can I come over?’ I asked, wanting to bring him food so that we could eat together instead. It hadn’t even occurred to me how late it was. Right now the only thing on my mind was to make things right. There was a long moment of silence between the last message I had sent him. I was about to frown once again when suddenly my phone started ringing inside of my palm. Baekho was calling me. I stared down at it in brief surprise before quickly picking up and holding the phone to my ear.

“Do you really want to?” Baekho’s cool voice poured out from the speaker.

“Yeah. I mean, if it’s not too late or inconvenient. I just figured that the reporters would be gone by now, so it would be safe to come and see you.”

“It’s not.” He was quick to reply. I paused for a moment and blinked before forcing a smile on my lips, despite how weird he had just sounded.

“Ah, good! I’ll be over soon.”

“Do you need for me to pick you up?” He asked. It suddenly occurred to me that he lived in a gated neighborhood in Gangnam in an area where the city buses wouldn’t travel to.

“No need. I’ll take a taxi. Just let the guard know I’m coming.” I quickly replied and hung up, not wanting to risk any reporters that might be lingering to see Baekho’s car parked outside of my apartment at night. Despite the fact that taking a taxi would be expensive, I also didn’t want to bother him to come and pick me up. I turned back to the stove and turned it off then ran into the living room and put my jacket back on with a smile on my face. I stepped back into my shoes and then locked my apartment door behind me, practically flying down the staircase outside before heading towards the nearest convenience store where I stocked up on junk food and caught a taxi to Baekho’s house from there.

When I arrived at the guarded gate the security officer let me through after verifying with Baekho that he was expecting me. He opened the gates and allowed the taxi driver to carry me deep within the neighborhood. I had him drop me off a block away from Baekho’s residence and watched him drive away just to be safe that he wouldn’t follow me and report what he saw to any willing ears in the press. After walking for what felt like forever, I finally came across Baekho’s front gate, which he had surprisingly left open for me, clearly expecting me. I smiled then slid inside, starting another long trek before I finally arrived at his doorstep. I rang the doorbell and waited. Seconds later Baekho was standing behind the door and opened it for me. I smiled widely at him, showing him the two plastic bags of junk food that I had brought with me from the convenience store. Baekho slowly glanced down at them and then back up with me. For a second I could have sworn I saw what looked like disappointment on his face before he seemingly forced a smile back at me.

“Come in.” He said, stepping off to the side. I stared at him in worry for a brief second before deciding to just let it go. I hurried inside and out of the cold, slipping out of my shoes in the doorway and entering the living room with the bags. I sat them down on the coffee table and began to hungrily sort through them.

“I brought you all kinds of stuff!” I exclaimed as Baekho stood beside me.

“You know you really don’t have to bribe me. I’m not that mad.” He replied. I froze before glancing up at him over my right shoulder.

“… Are you serious? I bought all this food and now it’s a waste~!” I pouted then watched as a warm smile slowly spread across Baekho’s lips. I stared at his smile in somewhat of a trance for several seconds before realizing what I was doing and forcibly made myself look away. Luckily Baekho hadn’t noticed this. He was too busy kneeling down and reaching into one of the bags. As he stood back up he removed a bag of potato chips and promptly opened it, taking one out and taking a bite.

“See? Not a waste now.” He said, almost as if he were eating it for my sake, which I wouldn’t put it past him to do. I smiled, feeling somewhat touched that he was humoring me.

“Good. I was so worried you were mad at me for earlier. I was just concerned because they’re my friends, you know?” I said as I took a seat down on the couch behind me. Baekho took a seat on the opposite end and stared over at me.

“I understand.” He simply replied.

“Minhyun really seems to think you have it out for him… That’s not true, is it?” I cautiously asked, even though this was practically the same question from earlier that had landed me in hot water with him in the first place. Baekho quietly stared back at me.

“Ren, I assure you that Aron was picked for his skill and no other reason.” He finally said after some time. I still wasn’t too sure about his answer, at least not after the heated discussion I had with Minhyun regarding him. I shifted my gaze down into my lap.

“Why would Minhyun think that then? I know he’s difficult to get along with, but he had to have had a reason why.” I replied, wondering if I would be able to get Baekho to open up to me about any possible situation between him and Jason that he might not be able to talk about with others.

“It’s true. We don’t get along and we’ve had our differences. But I wouldn’t let it interfere with business. It was by Jason’s strong recommendation that I agreed to the change in the lineup. Aron is most suited for our particular collaboration line.” Baekho explained.

“You mean it was Jason’s idea?” I asked, surprised. Did that mean… he actually wanted Minhyun to remain Top Model? Or… had it been strictly Jason’s idea all along, and Baekho’s opinion didn’t matter anyways? Or maybe I was wrong and Baekho did want Aron to be Top Model and this whole thing about Jason puppeteering him was all wrong… There really was no telling because Baekho didn’t want to, or maybe couldn’t, talk about it.

“Now will you put it to rest?” Baekho replied, sounding eager to drop the subject. I stared at him, concerned about the truth behind the reason why he only vaguely wanted to discuss what had happened today. I slowly nodded then smiled at him, feeling somewhat sorry for Baekho.

“I knew that you weren’t like that. I’m glad.” I replied. There was an awkward moment of silence between us during which in that time I painfully realized that it was just the two of us here in his home. It also didn’t help that my thoughts were still plagued by the other conversation I had with Minhyun about Baekho possibly liking me. I suddenly found myself thirsty. I nervously reached for a bottle of water inside of one of the plastic bags, quickly untwisting the cap and bringing the bottle up to my lips. I took a big sip then sighed, placing the bottle down on Baekho’s coffee table.

“You ok?” He asked, watching me. I smiled and nodded.

“Yeah. It’s just weird.”

“What’s weird?” He asked me.

“All that’s happened this past year. Getting signed, meeting you and becoming close friends… I never would have pictured it. I mean, look.” I took my phone and pulled up the picture of us outside of Club Seoul, waiting to gauge his reaction. Baekho briefly glimpsed at it before returning his gaze back towards me. I felt myself growing flustered with having this much of his attention directed at me but I continued. “How many people can say that all of their lifelong dreams came true over a matter of months? I don’t know why any of this happened so suddenly, but I feel lucky and grateful that it did. I mean, I really don’t know what I would have done without you these past few weeks.” I finished then shifted my gaze down into my lap to avoid making further eye contact with him. My heart was racing inside of my chest, something which I found troubling… The last time it had done that was when –

“It was nothing. We only met a couple of times because of our busy schedules.”

“I know, but it was still something. And it helped. I feel like I’m ready to do yours and Jason’s clothes justice at the fashion show. If you hadn’t of intervened and just left me alone or even fired me, I probably wouldn’t be in such a good place right now. I guess what I’m just trying to say for the thousandth time is ‘thank you.’” I almost stammered to spit out.

“Isn’t that what friends do?” Baekho warmly asked.

“Yes, but…” My voice trailed off. I tilted my head off to the side, seeming unsure. Why was I suddenly panicking around him? Was it because I might like him, or because it was possible that he might like me? Stop this, Ren. Stop overthinking things. You’re making things completely awkward here when they don’t need to be. I sighed, frustrated with myself. “Sorry, I’m just being weird again.”

“What do you mean?” He asked, forcing me to have to give him a response in return. How do I tell him about my suspicions? Should I? I supposed that if I really wanted to know, I needed to ask. And I did want to know. This strong… feeling… I got whenever I was around him… The one that I kept trying to convince myself was all in my head… It didn’t feel as if it were just in my head anymore.

“I don’t want to offend you.” I replied, still trying not to look at him. Baekho calmly shook his head.

“I’m sure you won’t. What is it?” Dammit… he just had to ask… Ok. Here goes.

“I just… There’s this weird vibe I get around you – it’s been there from the start. I tend to have a wild imagination, so I’ve tried not to think much of it, but I’m really just not sure anymore. It seems like you’ve been helping me out a lot since the moment I met you, even before we were friends, like I was singled out. But… ah, how do I ask this?”

“Do I like you?” Baekho bluntly asked.

“Yes.” . What did I just say?! I glanced up at Baekho with wide eyes. Had he caught that? Baekho seemed to stare back at me with a blank expression. Dammit! He heard that! I panicked and stammered to come up with an excuse for my blubbering. “I mean-”

“Relax. I was just joking with you.” He simply replied, softening up his blank facial expression.

“Baekho!” I nearly screamed. “Don’t joke with me like that!”

“That was what you were trying to ask me, weren’t you?” He asked. I bit my bottom lip, debating on whether or not to answer him. Well… why not, Ren? You’re already in so deep and we’re already talking about it. You might as well just continue.

“… Yes.” I sheepishly replied, looking back down into my lap.

“You’re a special person to me, there’s no denying that… But right now I’m more interested in all that you brought over to bribe me with. What’s all in there?” I swear it wasn’t my imagination, but now it seemed as if Baekho was the one panicking. I glanced over and noticed that he seemed to be nervously shifting through one of the bag’s contents. I watched him for several seconds, wondering just what in the world was going on between us just now. I was nervous, and that made sense. After all, I was the one asking dangerous questions here, but… Baekho? For what reason would he need to be nervous unless… he really did like me? I reached over and helped him take the contents out of the bag.

“It’s just… I get mixed signals whenever I’m around you.”

“Is that necessarily a bad thing?” Baekho asked, surprising me. I hadn’t been expecting him to ask me that. Why would he ask that? If he didn’t feel something for me, he would have just dropped it, but he kept pressing for more. I froze while digging inside of the bag, keeping my gaze down on the table. By now my heart was racing.

“It could be.” I paused, feeling unsure. “Both my head and my heart aren’t in the right place right now ever since my heart was broken. All of this could just be me going crazy and imagining things that might not be there. I understand what it feels like to be hurt by a friend… And you’re probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me since he left, which is why I’m afraid that I’m going to hurt you or our friendship with me being crazy like this. I already made you think I was mad at you when I went kind of quiet for those two weeks, meaning that I must have hurt you and I just feel terribly awful about it.” I replied, scared.

“I don’t think there’s anything you could really do to hurt me, Ren.” Baekho replied. I turned and looked at him.

“But earlier when I asked you about Minhyun-”

“It stung a bit to be misunderstood, but that’s all it was, a misunderstanding. I’m okay. Trust me, Ren. I don’t think you’re a bad person. Crazy? Hmm… maybe a little bit. But it’s the good type of crazy, not the bad. But… can I ask you something?” He suddenly asked. I cautiously nodded, wondering what it was that he could ask me. “About those mixed signals… Do I make you uncomfortable?” He asked, returning back to the topic of us. I stared at him for a moment in silence, trying to figure out how he did make me feel. I shook my head.

“It’s… not bad. I mean, I do get uncomfortable, but that’s just me being paranoid.”

“Of what?” Why was he doing this?

I nervously laughed. “Oh, come on. Do I need to say it?”

“Yes, say it.” He replied. I paused before shifting my gaze off to the side.

“Paranoid that… the person I admire the most in this world… could possibly feel something more towards me. I’m scared. There’s a part of me that’s afraid I’m misreading you and your intentions while there’s another part of me that’s afraid that I’m not.” I admitted, not really sure how I felt about a possibility of ‘us.’ My hands began to tremble as I spoke. I quickly withdrew them back into my lap. I could feel Baekho’s watchful eyes on me.

“There’s nothing you need to be afraid of, Ren.” Baekho tried to reassure me. I wasn’t sure if it was about him possibly liking me or if he was talking about me possibly liking him that he was trying to make me seem less frightful about. I slowly glanced up at him from my lap.

“Are you sure?” I asked. He nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Ok.” I finally replied, feeling disappointed in myself. Why couldn’t I read my own heart? How difficult was it to figure out if I liked someone? Was it this hard the last time? Dammit! I felt tears threaten to start forming in the corners of my eyes. Why? Even after this much time had passed, why couldn’t I stop thinking of him? Why was JR making my life so impossible to move on without him? If Baekho liked me, was that such a bad thing? The most I would have to worry about is the paparazzi and Minhyun and Aron. But there were ways to date in secret, and Minhyun had already somewhat given me his blessings, so what? What was so horrible about moving on? Nothing. Except really giving up on the notion that JR might actually come back…

“What are you doing tomorrow after practice?” Baekho suddenly asked me, tearing me from my dark and depressing thoughts. As his words registered in my mind I gave him a surprised look. Did he want to see me? I forced myself to be happy again. After all, I had made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t cry over JR anymore, didn’t I?

“Hmm, tomorrow? Nothing that I know of. Why?”

“Do you want to go somewhere with me?” He asked. I blinked.

“Sure! Where to?” I enthusiastically replied. Remember, keep moving forward, Ren. Regardless of whether or not Baekho really does like you or just wants to be your friend, you need to keep moving forward for yourself. Don’t allow yourself to sit still and let the depressing thoughts get to you. You’re in charge of your own happiness. Baekho smiled at me.

“It’s a secret.” He teased and I huffed. Baekho waved his index finger at me. “It has to be, or else we risk reporters showing up.” He explained. When I realized he was right I nodded and smiled at him.

“Ok!”

 

 

The next day at practice was a surprising one. Jason had stuck around the entire time to teach us the new flow of the lineup, but in reality it felt like he was really there to monitor us. I think deep down he was concerned about Minhyun and Aron getting into a fight, keeping an eye on the two for almost half of the practice. The other models were apprehensive at first about the new changes, but once they saw how friendly Minhyun and Aron were getting along, they lightened up and accepted it. During the practice Jason had introduced us to the music that was to be aired on the speakers at the fashion show and we rehearsed walking along to it. The music was upbeat, or what one would expect to hear during the spring, but it was still chic. Listening to it started to spread more ideas about the show in my head and I found myself growing even more excited to actually be a part of it. After practice was over in the evening, Jason released us for the day. Both Aron and Minhyun seemed to be in a rush to get out. When I asked them why, they had told me it was because they were meeting with a moving company at Aron’s apartment and that they were going to start bringing his belongings to Minhyun’s place. I congratulated them – the two seemed to be at their happiest, despite the recent turn of events.

I left Jason’s studio after speaking with Aron and Minhyun and went straight home to get ready to meet with Baekho later on. As soon as I returned, I showered, fixed my blonde hair and then stood in front of my closet with a towel wrapped around my waist and a blank expression on my face. Baekho hadn’t told me where we were going and we were already nearing the middle of December, meaning that it was cold and snowy outside. I wasn’t sure if I needed to dress for indoors or outdoors. I pouted before returning to my bed and snatching my phone, quickly sending him a text.

‘At least tell me if we’re going to be inside or out!’ I sent him. Baekho shortly texted back.

‘Why?’ He replied. I wanted to murder him and his one-word responses.

‘Because I have no idea what to wear! That’s why!’

‘Oh.’ Oh? Oh?! Ah, Kim Baekho, I really am going to commit a murder tonight! I froze to read the screen when he sent me another message. ‘We’ll be outside for a bit. Dress accordingly.’

‘I will!’ I sent back with an emoticon of a face sticking its tongue out. Baekho never responded. I huffed then threw my phone back on the bed, turning back to face my closet. Since we were going to be outside, I only assumed that we weren’t going anywhere that would require anything formal. I grabbed a long sleeve black, white, and grey plaid shirt, pairing it over a white t-shirt and black skinny jeans. I heard my phone chime and returned back to my bed after getting dressed. I grabbed my phone and read that Baekho had texted me again.

‘Ready?’ He asked me.

‘So soon?’ I texted back, surprised.

‘We need to get there a bit early.’ He replied, making me wonder. I shrugged.

‘Ready.’

‘On my way.’ Baekho replied. I shoved both my phone and wallet down into my pockets then returned to the bathroom, fixing my hair one last time before he arrived. As I was tousling my fingers through my bangs, I stared at my reflection in the mirror, feeling uncertain about tonight. I wondered if either one of us were going to mention or pick up on our discussion from last night. Maybe it was for the best if neither one of us did. I nodded at my reflection. Yes, let’s try to have a good time tonight, free of your drama, Ren. I finished fixing my hair and then waited around in my room until I received a text from Baekho several minutes later telling me that he was downstairs. I stood and quickly left to meet him. As I walked down the steps I spotted his car waiting in the street beside my building. I carefully looked around before approaching his car and climbing inside the back seat after making sure no one was around. Baekho turned around in his seat and smiled back at me before facing forward again and driving off down the road. Several minutes into the car ride, I finally broke down and asked him.

“Ok, we’re away from the public. Now can you tell me where we’re going?”

“Have you ever been on a boat?” He asked.

“A boat?” I asked, surprised.

“There’s one waiting for us down in Gangneung.” He replied. My eyes grew wide.

“But that’s almost 3 hours away!” I said, looking at him as if he were crazy. That would explain why we had to leave so early. It was only 3 PM and by the time we would arrive, it would already be close to night time.

“You don’t want to go?” He asked me, making me pause.

“It’s not that I don’t want to go, but…” My voice trailed off, feeling guilty. Going all the way down to Gangneung just to ride a boat for my sake made me feel somewhat horrible. “I’m really okay with doing something here nearby. Really.” I insisted. I caught a glimpse of Baekho’s smile in his reflection in the rearview mirror.

“If you’re questioning whether I mind making the trip out there, I don’t. It’ll be my first time on a boat too, so I was curious. But I didn’t want to go alone. You don’t mind accompanying me there, do you?” Baekho asked. Well, when he put it that way, it was hard to refuse his gesture. I could understand not wanting to go alone, after all, Gangneung was a traveler’s destination. Showing up by himself would probably be considered strange. I shook my head then smiled back at him in the mirror.

“I’ll think of it as a road trip with Mr. Kim!” I , only Baekho frowned in response. I pouted then smiled again. “Relax, I’m just messing with you, Baekho.” I reassured him. A small smile spread across his lips before he fixated his gaze on the road.

“Go ahead and relax. It’ll be a while until we get there.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Hmm?” He asked, his attention still focused forward.

“I know it makes things awkward that I can’t sit up there to keep you company. You must feel like you’re operating a taxi, but I just can’t do front seats anymore.”

“Don’t ever apologize for something that’s not your fault.” Baekho replied. I silently pursed my lips together. He didn’t know the whole story. I had only ever told it in full to one other person, that person being JR. With Aron and Minhyun I had only vaguely gone over it and all that Baekho knew was that I had been in an accident. I stared down into my lap.

“But I’ll always believe that it was.” I quietly replied, remembering the details that I could recall from that evening. Baekho remained silent. I glanced up at his reflection in the rearview mirror to see a distraught look on his face, as if he wanted to ask me more about it but possibly thought it better not to. I glanced back down into my lap. “My brother was the one behind the wheel, but I was the one that had begged him to go with me. I was the one who kept pressuring him to go faster. I had been so concerned about being late that we didn’t even see the other car coming until it was too late. My brother escaped with a few scratches and I taking the brunt of the impact just barely survived, but the passengers in the other car didn’t make it. Ever since then I’ve blamed myself… We should have just stayed home that night. If we hadn’t of gone out, no one would have died and I wouldn’t have gotten so hurt… And Minseok, who believes till this day that he caused my injuries, wouldn’t feel so guilty towards me either.”

“I’m sorry…” Baekho’s voice trailed off. “I had no idea. I knew that you were in an accident, but I didn’t know the context. I’m not sure how to comfort you in such a situation – I’ve never been involved in something as horrific… but I can somewhat relate. I myself lost both of my parents in a car accident.”

“Oh, Baekho, I’m so sorry…” My voice trailed off, stunned. I had remembered that he once told me that his parents had passed, but he had never mentioned how. Baekho slowly shook his head from side to side.

“It’s alright. Like I told you last time, time heals all.” He replied in a serious voice, keeping his attention forward. A few seconds of silence passed between us before he spoke up once again. “I’ve never really spoken to anyone about this before, but in front of you, I feel like it’s somehow okay… It’s strange, isn’t it?”

“How so?” I asked.

“The way two people find each other. I only felt comfortable mentioning my parents after you let me in on your secret because I just knew that somehow you’d understand me. I haven’t been the same person since that day either. Can you imagine it from the other perspective, though, of having absolutely no power of being able to do anything? I had been at a late-running basketball practice after school when it happened. When I met with my parents on the day of their accident, they had already been pronounced dead at the scene. I was someone who had nothing to do with the accident, and I ended up hating myself for years because there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn’t there, and so I couldn’t have helped them.” Baekho’s voice began to shake as he spoke. I slowly glanced up at his reflection.

“But if you had been there, you might not have made it too…” I sadly replied. “You’re still here. You’re still alive. That means something, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, maybe.” Baekho replied. “I wouldn’t have ever met you, right?” He softly said. I stared back at his reflection with stunned, wide eyes before shifting my gaze back down into my lap. My heart started racing inside of my chest again. What he said just now… it had to have meant something deeper, didn’t it? I slowly nodded with a sad smile across my lips.

“That’s right.” I softly replied, not quite sure how to respond to his comment. I turned my head to the right and stared out the window. “Thanks for telling me, Baekho. For trusting me, I mean, and having faith that I’d understand. I do understand. But no matter how much we want to change the past, we can’t. We just have to try to move forward.”

“I agree.” Baekho replied. The rest of the car ride was spent in silence. During the remainder of the three hour trip there were several times where I almost caught myself dozing off but I struggled to stay awake, figuring that it would be rude to sleep even though Baekho had encouraged it. Instead I quietly took in the scenery that we passed, finding it calm and relaxing until the car came to a stop outside of a gas station. I glanced at Baekho in surprise, not quite sure of how much time had passed since we had started driving. He motioned for me to get out of the car with him and that we were already here but we were taking a break. We both walked around and stretched our legs for several minutes. After taking a much needed bathroom break, we piled back inside of the warm car and then Baekho drove off towards the pier where indeed a boat had been waiting for us. As we pulled up next to the board walk my eyes grew wide in shock as I took in the size of how big this boat really was – if you could even call it one. Baekho had surely downplayed it, but I bet he figured that I would turn it down if he had mentioned it was a yacht. The two of us climbed out. Baekho started walking towards the board walk while I remained standing at the car. When he realized I wasn’t following him, he turned back to look at me. “Aren’t you coming?”

“It… this is…”

“Surprising?” Baekho warmly smiled. I shook my head.

“Expensive.” I replied, making Baekho laugh.

“Are you paying for it?”

“I hope not…” I instinctively replied, foot-in-mouth. I jumped when I realized how rude I must have sounded. “Ah, that’s not what I meant-”

Baekho laughed again. “Relax, I have it covered.”

“But still…”

“Did we drive all this way and spend all this money just to look at it from the shore?” Baekho teased me. I frowned, realizing that he was right. It would be a waste if we just stood here, and I couldn’t even imagine how much it must have cost for Baekho to rent the boat. I hesitantly shook my head then rushed over by his side to join him. As we approached the wooden board walk I felt Baekho suddenly weave his arm around mine, pulling me in closer to him. I immediately glanced up at him. “Be careful. There’s ice.” He explained. I awkwardly nodded. It made sense, especially knowing how much of a klutz I was.

“T-Thanks.” I replied and walked arm in arm with Baekho all the way down until we reached the boat where the ship captain was standing outside waiting for us. He helped us climb aboard then led us inside of the large, heated cabin. We followed him into the dining foyer where there were glass windows all around us, allowing us to take in the beautiful night time seascape. When I glanced down from the windows I suddenly noticed the candle-lit, rose decorated table sitting in the middle of the room. My heart stopped and I immediately froze in place as Baekho and the ship captain passed me. Baekho hadn’t noticed that I wasn’t following him until he was already at the table, pulling out a chair for me. He glanced across the room at me.

“You’re not going to sit with me?” He innocently asked. I frowned, my bottom lip trembling.

“…What is all of this?” I fearfully asked. Baekho calmly remained standing by the chair.

“I’ll tell you once you come sit with me.” He insisted. I shook my head. My adrenaline was suddenly telling me to run as I took a wild guess about what it was that he wanted to tell me. Baekho’s cool and collected smile slowly turned into a worried frown. “Ren-”

“I’m not ready for this.” I quickly spun around and made a beeline for the door. I ran out to the ship’s dock and came to a stop by the railing. The boat had already set sail and we were a distance from the shore. My bottom lip trembled as my heart continued to race, making it difficult for me to breathe. I placed both hands on top of my chest and stared out into the ocean, steadily trying to calm myself. A few seconds later Baekho walked out and stood behind me.

“I think… I must have misread the situation last night. I’m sorry.” I heard Baekho’s voice apologize from a short distance behind me before noticing him travel to my side, leaning against the guard railing and looking out into the water with me. “I thought there might have been a slight chance between us. I apologize if I was wrong.” He said once again. I quickly turned to him, my heart still thumping.

“It’s true, isn’t it? You, Mr. Kim – no, Baekho – you like me, don’t you?” I nearly stuttered. Baekho paused for a moment before an awkward, almost dejected smile spread across his lips as he still looked out into the ocean and away from me.

“It appears you’ve caught me before I even had the chance to say it myself.”

“Why?” I asked, panicking. “You told me I had nothing to worry about, nothing to be afraid of…” I stammered. Baekho suddenly turned and looked at me.

“And you don’t.” He firmly replied. “I’m not sure what you must have gone through last month and I’m not going to ask, only I promise you that I will never hurt you like that if you’ll choose me.”

“You’re wrong. There’s a million things to be afraid of. I mean, you’re him – you’re the most famous man in the fashion industry right now. We could hide it, but for how long? Getting tied up with someone like me, one of your models, couldn’t possibly look good on you or your reputation.” I said, trying to imagine an ‘us.’

“It doesn’t much matter to me whether we’re caught or not.”

“Why?”

“Because ‘Mr. Kim’ is a persona.” He simply stated.

“H-huh?” I asked, staring at him with wide eyes. I suddenly heard Minhyun’s words in the back of my mind when he questioned whether or not Mr. Kim was even a legitimate figure. Could Baekho possibly finally be admitting something to me?

“I’m a man that designs clothes and nothing more. What you’ve seen in the last few months isn’t real, only what the public wanted out of me when I wanted nothing more than to simply do what I loved, being perfectly content with staying in the shadows.” Baekho replied. I covered my face with my hands for a brief second before dropping them down to my sides and sniffling from the cold air.

“It’s just you’re my hero… How can any of this be real? It can’t be.”

“Why can’t it be?” He asked.

“I don’t… I don’t know. You just… you were a mystery to me for so long, and now that you’re not and you’re finally out in public and I had the chance to meet you… you’ve fallen for me? Come on, it sounds like a fairy tale, not reality.”

“But it is real. I do like you, Ren.” Baekho admitted. I froze after hearing his words for myself. I didn’t know what to say. When the silence between us was too much for Baekho to bear, he awkwardly scratched behind his neck, shifting his gaze back towards the ocean. “I had planned on it being more romantic when I told you, hence the candles, but I didn’t think that you would try to run away, though I probably should have. I guess I really messed up here, didn’t I? I for sure thought that you might of liked me back, that’s why I went through all the trouble of doing this… Ah, damn, I really feel like a fool.” He regrettably said.

“I never said that.” I replied. Now it was Baekho’s turn to freeze. He glanced back at me through the corners of his eyes. My hands began to shake. “Truthfully… I don’t know how I feel… I’m sorry, Baekho. I’m really, really sorry.”

Baekho forced a smile on his lips. “I see…” He said, disappointedly shifting his gaze downwards.

“It’s not a ‘no.’”

“But it’s not a ‘yes’ either, is it?” Baekho quietly asked. I guiltily turned away from him, staring out into the horizon.

“I just don’t know if it’s okay.” I painfully replied. Baekho glanced back up at me.

“Okay for what?”

“To move on.” I replied in nearly a whisper as the back of my throat began to burn from trying to suppress the urge not to cry while remembering JR. “We never really even started, and we didn’t even last long… but I still think of him. Loving him… never did me any good. But he was possibly the best friend I ever had. Since that day that he left, all I’ve been doing is simply trying to get by the days. But at night I still dream of him. No matter what I do, I can’t escape him…” My bottom lip trembled. “And it makes me sad.”

Baekho suddenly turned to me, taking my shaking, cold hands into his soft and warmer ones. He stared softly into my eyes. “I’m not sure if there’s anything I can do to take away the pain that person caused you. All I know is that I can try, if you’ll give me that chance, that is.” As his words reached my ears silent tears filled and overflowed the corners of my eyes. I tilted my head downwards in shame that I was crying once again in front of him. Baekho released my hands and lifted my chin up with his right index finger as he wiped the tears away from my face with his left hand. I sniffled and then took a step back from him. Baekho paused and gave me a slightly hurt look. I glanced off to the side.

“Can I have some time?” I asked.

“I’m sorry?” Baekho furrowed his brows, not understanding what I meant.

“To give you my answer.” I replied, feeling horrible about having to make him wait. After all, wasn’t that what JR had done to me? Baekho’s face slightly lightened up and he forced an uncomfortable smile on his lips and nodded.

“Ok.” He replied, turning away from the railing of the boat and heading back towards the cabin. He stopped by my side for a brief moment before he entered. “Promise not to keep me waiting too long?” He sadly whispered to me. I nodded without looking back at him.

“Promise.”

 

 

JR’s POV

I was sitting on the living room floor, staring lifelessly out of the large windows looking out into the city from my new apartment that I had been living in for less than a week now. During the time that I had taken to just disappear from society to completely reinvent myself, Dambi had convinced me that I needed to leave my old, worn out apartment and start living in the luxury ones like herself if I wanted to be taken seriously like the socialite designer I was determined to become. She had helped me shop for furniture and even helped decorate my new place which otherwise would have remained plain and boring if left up to myself to do it. I found myself struggling to become accustomed to this new living arrangement. I had never pictured any of this for myself, even though I had the funds to live excessively and more luxuriously anyways. But this was how famous people lived, wasn’t it? Both Dambi and Jason lived this way and they were both well known to the public.

I thought back to the days where I was still attending fashion shows under the disguise of being a blog reporter. I remembered the cruel, almost inhumane comments people made about me behind my back. What I called ‘different,’ they called ‘lazy.’ I never understood the crime of wanting to dress comfortably, despite what my own designs said about me. I wanted my work to speak for itself, not to be judged by the way I personally looked. But I paid for being different. This next time will be different though. I will be taken seriously. I won’t be ridiculed any longer.

I pulled the grey hood from my zip up hoodie down from over my head, revealing the dark, straight locks that I had dyed the previous night. I glanced over towards the door entrance as I heard the lock disable from the outside and then the door push inward, revealing Dambi who was carrying a medium sized shopping bag. Since the night I had come to her for help, she had taken it upon herself to do whatever it took to keep my head up – that included everything from helping me finish the line I was being forced to collaborate with Jason on, buying me and hunting down whatever materials I might need so that I could get it over with and move on to finishing up the final details of my new company and my first official showcase. She stepped into a pair of pink slippers that she had purposely bought and left them here in my new apartment for such an occasion, seeing as she knew she would be a frequent visitor. As she entered the living room she threw the shopping bag at me on the floor then sat down on the couch behind me. She leaned over and ruffled her fingers through my hair before pulling back and softly smiling down at me.

“Looks good, kid.”

“Thanks…” My voice trailed off as I turned away and continued to stare out of the window to my left, completely ignoring the bag resting in my lap.

“Black looks a lot more professional than the blonde, doesn’t it?” Dambi said, eyeing the bag but saying nothing about it. “But then again, you have whack job designers out there like Jason sporting red… I suppose it works for his punk laced hip hop brand, huh?”

“For his style of clothing, yes. But not for mine.”

“You never told me what your new company’s style will be. I believe House of Kim was business-casual, wasn’t it?” She asked. I slightly nodded.

“Modern androgyny.” I replied. “The new brand’s element will be modern androgyny. The fashions will be exclusive to celebrity clientele – not something one might wear on a daily basis, not like how House of Kim was readily accessible to the upper white collared working class.” Dambi tilted her head to the side with curiosity.

“Exclusive androgyny, huh?” She went silent for a moment before slyly smirking. “Sounds fancy. It sounds like Jason will be up for some serious competition.” She replied. I narrowed and fixated my eyes on the wall across the room.

“Jason cannot be considered competition for me because he never was.” I said, stating the truth. It was something that both Jason and I knew and the main reason why Jason felt so threatened by me to the point of blackmailing me. He wanted JA Style to do better than House of Kim, but the only way it seemed like it would be possible was either House of Kim failed, or he killed me. Before I would have believed that he would never take such drastic measures, but now I wasn’t so sure. Either way, I wasn’t going to sit idly by anymore. This wasn’t fun and games anymore. Jason had declared war so this was war.

“Ouch.” Dambi grinned. “Designer Kim Jonghyun is a bit of a badass. I like.” She said then paused. “But why do I get the feeling this new concept was inspired by someone?” She asked. I shifted my gaze down into my lap.

“Because it is…” I quietly responded after being caught. I should have known that she would catch on about the secret behind my new brand style. There was very little that I could keep hidden from her. Truth of the matter was, Ren had no doubt given me inspiration. I recalled all of those times when he referred to House of Kim’s fashions and said with stars in his eyes how it was his only dream to be able to wear them. Ever since then, I had been secretly sketching designs specifically for him, though at the time I had only ever imagined that it was just for fun. I hadn’t pictured that I would actually be using the designs Ren inspired. But then again, there was also another reason why I allowed myself to do such a thing, a much darker one at that. Dambi gave me a surprised look.

“Really?” She asked. “Why?”

“He has no future with Jason. That man will turn on him for any given reason.”

Dambi smirked. “You sly little devil… You’re planning on stealing him out from underneath Jason’s claws later on, aren’t you? You’re just letting him soak up the experience he needs and playing the waiting game… Does that mean you haven’t entirely given up hope on him yet?”

“There will always be a part of me that wants to be with Ren, that much I cannot deny. And whether he still feels the same too once all of this is finally over, I can’t say either. I hope… but I don’t expect much. All I can do is give him the space he deserves while securing him an alternative for when everything reaches its because things will and always do with Jason. I was just blind to it before.”

“But what if Ren doesn’t want that? What if he hates and wants nothing to do with you?” Dambi worriedly asked.

“It’s his own right to hate me personally. But I don’t think he would let it affect his career. I’m not trying to trap him… He’s free to reject my offer when the time comes. I just… I don’t want to see him fail, regardless of what happened between us. His career is dangling on a line underneath Jason and he doesn’t even know it… At the same time, even if Jason does keep him with good intentions, he’ll never grow if he stays with him. Jason… he’s a very conniving person. He has a way with words and I just know he’ll somehow manage to sweet talk Ren into signing an even longer contract with him, keeping him all to himself. A good model branches out to better themselves and their resumes. They don’t stay for an indefinite period of time out of loyalty with a designer unless they’re nearing the end of their career.”

“That’s very selfless of you… And I’m sure Ren will see it that way too. I don’t think he’d reject your offer either, if that helps.” She replied. I glanced up at her.

“You really think so?” I asked and she nodded. I frowned. “How can you be so sure?”

“He called me yesterday.” She suddenly admitted. I stared at her in stunned silence, feeling my heart nearly come to a stop. He did what…?

“… And? What did he say? Was it… anything about me?” I nearly stuttered as I spoke. Dambi sorrowfully shook her head and I felt my heart drop down to my stomach in disappointment. Well, after what I had done to him, could I really expect much?

“Sorry, JR. It was about his friend Aron. Apparently Jason’s finally switched his lineup and has himself a new Top Model.”

“Aron?” I furrowed my brows at the unexpected news.

“Yeah. He wanted to know if I could coach him the same way I did with him.”

“Did you say yes?” I paused then shook my head. “I don’t know why I’m asking, this is you I’m speaking with. Of course you’d say yes.” I said lightly, not holding it against her that she would still associate with Ren. She had nothing to do with the situation and I knew how much she had liked hanging around him, however rare it had been. Dambi was also the type not to take sides, looking back at how she still continued to be my friend even when I still insisted on being friends with Jason after the fight that nearly cost her career went on between them. She never stopped talking to me because she hated Jason. The least I could do was do the same, even though the situation was a bit different, being that I didn’t hate Ren.

“Well, duh!” She rolled her eyes at me. “It’s not like Ren ever did anything wrong to me, you fool. Ah, that poor kid… He says he’s holding up alright but he looks another. If that’s what ‘alright’ looks like, I’m afraid to see what ‘fine’ looks like on him.”

“I see…” My voice sadly trailed off, not really knowing how to take this news. Ren was still hurting over what I had done…

“I guess he meant ‘better.’ Let’s believe that instead.” Dambi optimistically replied before leaning forward, resting her elbows on her knees and her chin on the backs of her wrists. “Anyways, are you going to look inside the bag?” She said, trying to distract me from becoming depressed again. I slowly glanced down at it and then back up at her.

“What is it?” I asked. She grinned.

“Open it to find out.” She urged. I slipped my hand inside of the bag and pulled out three different stacks of documents. The first page of the first stack read in big bold letters at the top ‘CONTRACT OF EMPLOYMENT,’ followed by a signature at the bottom which read ‘Im Jin Ah,’ aka ‘NANA.’ My eyes grew wide and I froze for a brief second before flipping over to the next two stacks, which contained ‘Park Soo-young,’ aka ‘Lizzy,’ and ‘Oh Hye-rin,’ aka ‘Raina.’ I glanced over at Dambi, stunned. I couldn’t believe it. We had talked about it once about how great it would be if Nana, Lizzy and Raina could represent me, but I didn’t really think it was possible. Technically there was the problem of dealing with each of their contracts. Dambi had said that they could be great assets to my new line and that they would probably be willing to help me, but even then I still had my doubts because nobody could know who I was until the day of my show. If they didn’t know who this mystery designer was, wouldn’t they be reluctant to want to join my team? Silent tears slowly started to flood in the corners of my eyes.

“How did you-”

“Very easy, really. A week ago Nana’s contract was due to expire. When I approached her about my new gig, naturally she was very curious about who I was coming out of retirement for and wanted in too.”

“But Raina and Lizzy-”

“They were a bit trickier. Once I told them about Nana and I, they wanted in too. Only problem was that unlike Nana’s situation, they still had some time left on their current contracts.”

“Then how did you…?” I paused as it suddenly hit me. I gave her an astonished look. “You didn’t pay with your own money to break their contracts, did you?” I wildly asked. Dambi smugly smiled and nodded. “Noona!” I scolded.

“Relax, it was nothing to me and beneficial to you.” Dambi said reassuringly. “Besides, they’re my girls. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them.”

“Do they know it’s me?” I asked.

“Nope. It’s your secret to reveal when you’re ready. Just know that the girls got your back. Remember, they’ve worn your clothes already before without knowing it was you. And you heard them that one time – they’re dying to see your designs again. What better way of seeing them than helping you bring them to life?” Dambi replied. Without saying anything I climbed up on my knees and turned around and wrapped my arms around her thin frame, embracing her tightly. Dambi laughed, surprised. “Hey, what’s this now?”

“You really didn’t have to do this.” I said as I rested my head on her left shoulder, fighting the urge not to cry. Dambi softly smiled.

“I wanted to because we’re friends… When I had my scandal, I just near about broke. But you selflessly helped me through that time before I hit rock bottom and I’ve never forgotten it.”

“Because you’ve helped me so much outside of House of Kim.”

“Because it’s part of being a decent human being and a good friend, you dork. I didn’t become your friend because I wanted something out of it. I’m not like that evil red-headed bastard.” Dambi replied.

“Me neither.” I responded. Dambi smiled again, looking touched.

“There’s so many insincere people in this world, but yet you’re one of the few that’s genuine... You’re so busy wanting others to succeed… But it’s your turn too, kiddo. I want to see you succeed too. Not to say that you haven’t already before, but this time you can stand up tall and be proud.” She replied as I pulled away from her and gave her a playful judgmental stare.

“Are you sure it’s not just because you want to see me put Jason in his place?”

“Hey, that’s just a plus. A lovely, lovely plus.” Dambi grinned before we both laughed. She smiled down at me. “You’re going to kick and shake the fashion industry here in Seoul once you finally debut. Just keep your head up, be strong, and keep doing what you’re doing. Things will naturally fall into place if you give it time.”

“… Are you still referring to my new company or are you talking about Ren…?” I replied, feeling unsure. Dambi sat back in my couch and folded her legs over one another.

“Both.” Dambi replied, tilting her head to the side and vacantly staring across the room at nothing in particular. “Just call it my woman’s intuition, but I think Ren is still holding out hope for you.”

“You really think so?” I asked, not sure if I should feel hopeful or sad at the possibility of Ren still waiting for me. Dambi slowly nodded before snapping out of her thoughts and glancing down to face me.

“But right now you need to focus on the bigger picture, which is getting yourself out there as a designer again. Then you can focus on your next step, which is getting Ren back.”

“Getting… Ren back?” I slowly asked. Dambi gave me a skeptical look.

“You don’t want to?” She asked. I glanced down.

“It may be impossible to. There’s still Baekho.” I self-consciously replied, remembering how angry he had been at me the last time we had even spoke. Baekho had officially declared that he was going to move forward and chase after him. And I was nothing compared to him. He was strong, I was lanky. He was cool, I was pathetic. Baekho was already winning in looks and personality alone, if you didn’t count the extra push factor of how much I had unintentionally hurt Ren. That’s right… I had left Ren’s life so that he could live again. I left so that he could have a choice. If I hadn’t of left him, he would have been forced to wait for a prolonged period of time. Based off what he said the last time we spoke, the wait was clearly killing him. Now that he didn’t have to wait, he was free to move on and go to Baekho or wait for me – either way, it was his choice and his decision, and not a result of mine. Dambi folded her arms across her chest.

“True. But you and Baekho are two completely different people. He’s not you.”

“Huh?” I asked, surprised. Dambi smiled.

“Stop not giving yourself enough credit. You have your own charms too, sweetie. Charms that not even Baekho can compare to.” She tried her best to lift my spirits despite it not having much effect. Deep down I knew I had messed up. I clearly didn’t deserve Ren. But I still wanted him, whether it meant being together or just having him around, maybe not even as friends, but at least on my team. Despite our fallout, I couldn’t deny all that Ren had done to help me these past several months or the positive impact he had made on my life. I wanted to make sure I at least repaid him for his time, even if now he might not want anything to do with me. I sadly glanced back at Dambi.

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see…”