JR’s POV

I stood inside of my kitchen in front of my coffee maker, staring down at it impatiently as I waited for the coffee to brew. It was already well into the afternoon but I was feeling drowsy from having stayed up the last week since meeting Jason. My nerves had been shot and I hadn’t been able to sleep after an encounter like that one. I had tried several times since then to lay down but I was restless. Even though I was tired, it just wasn’t happening so I kept myself up with caffeine to help ease the drowsiness. I leaned forward on the counter and started tapping my fingers on top of it. Why did this thing have to take so long? I sighed. I must have looked like a mess right now. I probably had panda eyes. Normally a thought like that one wouldn’t really bother me, but I knew I really needed to sleep… but I just couldn’t. I was too worried and felt like I needed to be on guard 24/7 because Jason was a master of deceit. Had he done anything since my last threat? Did he even take me seriously then? With Jason it was impossible to know or predict his next move. He said that he was done because of health reasons, but it was extremely unlike him not to have at least one more trick up his sleeve. I just couldn’t believe him when he said he had zero intentions to retaliate against me.

I frowned down at the coffee pot. The promised grace week I had granted him had already gone and passed and I still hadn’t heard anything about Ren’s contract. Should I start making movements against JA Style…? My stomach started twisting itself into knots. I didn’t want to attack him. I didn’t want to be the same as Jason but I had told him that if he didn’t let Ren go I definitely wouldn’t sit idle. I thought about it for a minute. Both Jason and I shared some of the same investors. I knew that if I talked to a few of them, more than likely I could convince them to pull their investments out of JA Style, a company whose stocks were bound to drop once LOTUS Designs made its debut on the runway. This was how I could force him to give me Ren. But… the thought of doing it just killed me. Even despite all of the horrible things Jason had done or said to me, actually doing it back just didn’t feel right.

I glanced behind me into the living room as I heard the sound of my front door opening and closing, followed by heavy and rushed footsteps. I didn’t have to think twice as to who it might be. There was only one other person who knew I resided here and had the passcode. Although she had made it a habit lately to walk in at all hours of the day and night, it didn’t really bother me. Dambi really was like a sister – she was family to me. Now that I thought about it, despite the things Jason had done to Dambi, even she wouldn’t want me to do the same to him, would she? She was in this with me to teach him a lesson, not destroy his life. I heard her scurry into the living room with her black stockinged feet before making her way over towards me with an urgent look on her face.

“You’d never guess who just called me.” She restlessly said. I tiredly blinked as my mind slowly processed her statement. Was she asking me a question…?

“I have no idea.” I replied, not biting. I didn’t have the cognitive capacity to even guess.

“You didn’t even guess!” Dambi pouted, fed up with the fact that I refused to play with her. I remained unfazed by her reaction. She scowled in response before finally giving in. “Baekho called me.” She said. I blankly stared at her.

“Baekho?” I asked, finding it strange. I furrowed my brows. “How did he find your number?”

“He said Aron gave it to him.” She replied, looking a bit irritated with the brunette. In all honesty I could understand her annoyance. Dambi probably didn’t want strange people calling her at all hours of the day just because Aron was passing her number out like free candy. This was one of the reasons why I had two phones – one for business and the other for personal calls. Even still there were a select few that even had those numbers.

“Hmm… What did he want?” I asked, wondering why Baekho had gone through the effort of going through Aron to talk to someone like Dambi. They were two people who had no business together. In fact I wasn’t even sure if they had even met.

“To talk to you.” Dambi said, answering my question and giving me a serious look. I paused. To talk to… me? It was then it occurred to me that I had changed my old number and my business phone’s number was purposely blocked, making it almost impossible for Baekho to reach me. If he had gone through Aron and Dambi I couldn’t imagine the level of desperation he must have had to speak to me. My mind started racing as to what was so important he needed to discuss but at the same time I was reluctant to give him any thought after remembering our meeting at the coffee shop when he declared that he was going to try to take Ren for himself. Jealousy and hurt started to boil within me. I angrily narrowed my eyes and glanced away. Dambi quietly stared at me, as if sensing my discomfort. “He’s on his way to Busan right now… Look, I know how you feel about him but you might just want to call him.” She strangely suggested.

“It’s no business of mine where he’s headed. There’s nothing to talk about between me and him.” I instantly said, starting to turn my back to her and towards the coffee maker again when she stopped me. I had already drawn the line between Baekho and I. Since I was no longer running House of Kim, he no longer had to do as I said. Jason was running the show now. I had no power over him or anything anymore. Since Baekho was no longer my employee we had no real reason to speak to each other. I just wanted to leave him alone in hopes that he would just fade away from existence in my life.

“He says it’s to visit Ren.” She cut me off knowingly using the one magical word that she knew would snatch my attention. I froze in place as the image along with the emotional turmoil of witnessing Ren hugging Baekho that night at the Christmas light exhibition flashed across my mind. I felt my heart constrict. I momentarily shut my eyes for a second to deal with the numbing pain before reopening them and slowly exhaling. “JR… You need to call him.” Dambi continued to insist. The hairs on the back of my neck rose in anger.

“Or else?” I snapped, not wanting to deal with this. Why was she suddenly pushing this? One phone call with Baekho and now she was suddenly on his side? No – that couldn’t be it. Dambi hardly ever chose sides. I just… I couldn’t understand why on earth I would ever need to talk to him again. I didn’t want to know the details of the relationship between those two or even why Baekho thought it was so urgent to rub it in my face that he was going to be alone with Ren in Busan. Dambi sighed.

“Oh, Jonghyun, you silly kid… There was once a time where you actually respected your noona’s opinion.” She replied. I guiltily shifted my gaze downwards when I realized how she was right. It wasn’t that I was purposely trying to disrespect her. She knew how I felt about Baekho… so why…

“I’m sorry…”

Dambi shook her head. “That’s not the only thing you’ll be sorry about if you don’t call him back. Trust me, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t.” She stated matter-of-factly. Her confidence in the matter was starting to get on my nerves. How did she know for sure that I would regret not calling Baekho? Sometimes I really hated how she seemed to know everything. If she really knew so much, then she knew how painful an effect this conversation was having on me. I mean, I hadn’t of expected for Ren to wait for me, but I certainly hoped. To see all of those hopes come crashing down in that one instant… it was devastating – especially because I knew that it was all my fault.

“Why? Is he going to agree to suddenly stop seeing Ren?” I snorted sarcastically. My words had been a spiteful joke that I had used in attempt to try to mend my own broken heart. I hadn’t expected what happened next to actually be real. Dambi bit the bottom of her lip and slowly nodded her head up and down. I froze then furrowed my brows. “What?” I asked in confusion.

“He said that he’s going to Busan to end things with Ren… and that he’s worried about what Ren might do or what might happen after. He mentioned something about Ren blacking out whenever he’s upset or too excited… He wants to ask you for your help.” She replied. My eyes grew wide in shock as I learned about Baekho’s intent before I narrowed them when a thought occurred to me: well, that certainly didn’t last long. I found myself growing angry again as I started to assume the worst about Baekho. Was he just playing with Ren this whole time? My heart sank down to my toes. Did he finally get what he wanted from Ren and now he was done…? Did Ren finally sleep with him…? It felt like my world was crashing downwards. I didn’t know why this bothered me so much. They were in a relationship – of course they would sleep with each other. And besides, Baekho probably knew what he was doing, unlike myself… I defiantly folded my arms across my chest and immediately turned my back to her.

“Maybe he hasn’t heard but I’m not exactly the best person to ask when it comes to ending things…” My voice darkly trailed off as I tried to deal with the hurt over the thought that Jason and Baekho really had taken everything I loved away from me. “I have no desire to help him clean up his messes anymore, especially if it involves Ren.”

“Isn’t that why you should?” Dambi suddenly surprised me by asking. I paused.

“What do you mean?”

“… Did Ren ever tell you why he can’t sit in the front passenger seat or even drive a car?” Dambi asked, frowning. “I know it drove me wild the first time I experienced it for myself when I gave him a lift. I was hurt. I thought he didn’t want to sit with me.”

“He was in an accident.” I quickly replied, coming to his defense.

“Did he ever tell you with who?” Dambi ominously continued. I slowly glanced back at her over my left shoulder before fully turning around to face her. I hesitantly shook my head from side to side. Did she know something about the accident that I didn’t?

“He never mentioned who. I thought he didn’t know?” I said, unsure. Dambi shifted her gaze downwards.

“It turns out the passengers that were killed in the other car had been Baekho’s parents.”

“What?” I asked, stunned. I hadn’t been prepared to hear that response. Who would? My body suddenly felt numb as the surreal news of Ren’s car accident hit me. I tried to process this. How in the world was that even possible? And with Baekho’s –

“Baekho recently met with Ren’s older brother who remembered the whole thing.” Dambi replied, snatching me out from my thoughts. Fear suddenly swept through me as she mentioned someone from Baekho’s past who could potentially become a problem for all of us involved.

“You mean his brother knows who Baekho really is?” I worriedly asked, fearful of who Ren’s brother might be talking to after meeting with Baekho. I had never met the man personally before, therefor it was impossible for me to judge whether or not he would talk to reporters and expose the whole truth about the fake Mr. Kim to the nation. Coverage of this news didn’t just affect Baekho, but me as well. If this was all true, then it was crucial that I met with Ren’s brother and –

“Yes, but Baekho confirmed that he isn’t someone we need to worry about. He’s someone who keeps to himself and has little interest or knowledge of the fashion and entertainment industry.” Dambi reassured me. I shifted my gaze down to my toes, relieved to hear that. My thoughts returned to the accident. If Baekho’s parents were the ones that had been killed, then…

“That’s why he’s leaving Ren, because he can’t forgive him-”

“No, that’s not it at all.” Dambi replied. I glanced back up at her as she continued. “He’s forgiven both of the Choi brothers. Don’t you get it? He’s not putting an end to their relationship for his own sake, he’s doing it for the both of you.”

“For us?” I asked, shocked. Why would the person who had declared a war with me over Ren’s heart step aside for me? Was the news of the accident too much for him to bear while looking at Ren, or was it really for our sake?

“Deep down, a part of him must have known he was just a distraction for Ren, who he says still has clear and visible feelings for you.”

“… He does?” I asked, dumbfounded. Dambi nodded. All this time I thought that he had moved on with Baekho, but… was that really not the case? Had nothing really gone on between them as I imagined it would? I couldn’t believe it. Just moments ago I had been assuming the worst about Baekho when it might actually turn out to be false. Was Baekho actually a good guy? I thought back to the several times before when Baekho had tried to approach me with his concerns about Jason and even check up on me to see if I was ok. He even offered to turn himself in for his part in taking away my company. It seemed like Baekho had always been on my side since the beginning, only I couldn’t see it because I was too intimidated by his looks and was afraid that he would take Ren away from me. Now here he was honorably stepping aside for me. An immense amount of regret washed over me. My low self-esteem caused me to push Baekho away, someone who if I had at least given a chance to might have been able to help me prevent Jason from getting this far. So many things could have gone differently, but I was so afraid of losing Ren…

“He said that Ren saw you on Christmas Eve and afterwards he was so shaken by the event that he started crying, believing that he was hallucinating… JR, if that doesn’t say Ren still loves you, I don’t know what else will. Call Baekho. He wants you to be there for Ren after he sees him.” Dambi replied. I bit my bottom lip after hearing about what had happened that night after I ran away. I felt horrible for running, but I couldn’t have seen him then or else all of this would have been for nothing. But still… my heart ached immensely. I remained motionless. Dambi walked over to the wall port where I had my second, non-private phone plugged in, charging. She unplugged it then walked back over to me, handing it over and placing it in my palm. “Call him.”

“I don’t know what to say to him…” I replied, my anxiety getting the best of me. After all the ill thoughts I just had about Baekho, I was ashamed of facing him. Not to mention if I called him, then I would know where to find Ren. I knew that it would be impossible for me to avoid him and not go to him, but… would Ren really want to see me at a time like this, or would it be too painful? Not to mention – should he see me? Everything that I had planned would be gone in an instant because I was too weak not to see him. “How can I suddenly be there for Ren after all of this time? I might just make things worse for him…”

“JR, it’s time, don’t you think?” Dambi asked me. I stared at her with wide eyes.

“Time…?”

“To stop running and start facing him. Next week is the big debut fashion show. I think it would be better for him to hear it from you about who you are than for him to have to find out in the news. A week will give him time to prepare to see it for himself.” She suggested. I sadly nodded. I knew she was right. “Besides, don’t you want to see him or hear his voice once again?”

“I want to see him like crazy…” I admitted.

“Call Baekho. He’ll help you.” Dambi insisted once again. I bit my bottom lip while glancing down at the phone in my hands where I still had Baekho’s contact number programmed to memory. I slowly turned it on and pulled up his information. I hesitated before bringing my left index finger towards the screen and tapping the ‘call’ icon, shortly afterwards the phone started ringing several times before finally receiving a response.

“Hello?” Baekho’s voice poured out from the phone’s speaker. It was now or never. I had to do this. It was time for Baekho and I to finally put aside our differences. I had to see Ren.

“Baekho, this is JR.”

 

 

Ren’s POV

I painfully watched as Baekho turned his back and walked away from me, leaving me alone sitting on the pier. My fingertips were numb – though I couldn’t tell if it were from the cold January air or the realization that he was gone now. But… at least before he had left he had answered my question for me: the love I had for Baekho was that of a friend. No longer would I have to question my feelings for him now that he had figured it out for me. Did I really not know though? Of course I knew – I was just too hard headed to accept it because I had been mentally prepared to go to him before discovering the truth behind the accident. To have viewed him as a friend would have prevented myself from going, the opposite of what I had wanted to do. Knowing what I knew now put a slight damper in those plans, but if Baekho had tried to hold on to me, the truth is that I might have tried to hold on too. But he didn’t hold on to me. He let me go for reasons that made enough sense, though it didn’t make it any less painful to accept.

Once he was far enough from my sight, the heart wrenching thought that this would be the last time I ever saw Baekho occurred to me. I thought about how many times he had been there for me to cheer me up when I was down or save me whenever I messed up in the studio. He couldn’t do that anymore. From now on I would have to be strong enough to do that for myself. I had to be my own hero. I had to figure things out on my own now. It hurt. I didn’t want to say goodbye to Baekho completely. I didn’t want to be alone again. I knew that I still had Aron and Minhyun, who had luckily forgiven me, but it wasn’t the same. Minhyun was a pessimist and Aron was too much of a ert sometimes for me to hang around. Baekho had always been perfect company, excluding the few times things got awkward between us. Baekho… I know it sounds awful, but if it had been someone else’s parents and not yours… could we have been happy together? Or would we still be mismatched? I wonder…

Things happen for a reason, Ren.

I heavily exhaled, watching the puff of frozen air form a cloud in front of me briefly before disappearing. That’s right. Things happen for a reason. Fate wanted Baekho and I to meet once again to give each other closure about the one thing that wore down on both of us. Baekho had forgiven me and Minseok. I paused. Minseok was probably so relieved right now… He had been living his whole life with his head held down. And now he was free, same as I. But… As crazy as it sounded, even though it had only been minutes since Baekho left, I already missed him. I missed the idea of him being around and smiling… but… deep down in my heart, I knew there was someone else I missed even more and Baekho knew it too. I finally forced myself to glance down at the piece of paper.

JR’s number…

I felt my chest tighten and constrict. The number was different from the old number I still had saved to my phone. JR really had abandoned it along with his old place and everyone else he seemed to know from before. But why…? Was what he was doing really that crucial that he had to live a secretive life – I suddenly froze as I remembered a past conversation with JR. He had last mentioned to me that he needed time to become someone important.

Wait a minute…

My thoughts quickly flash forwarded towards the conversation I had with Baekho about his ‘secret apprentice.’ My lips slightly parted and my jaw dropped as a thought occurred to me: Baekho had mentioned that this apprentice was the real Mr. Kim.

My hands started shaking. No. This was crazy. There’s no way. Just because JR was busy doing something important didn’t equate him to being this ‘secret apprentice’ or… the real Mr. Kim… did it? I crazily started to entertain the thought. Was this the reason why Baekho of all people had JR’s number? Baekho was a designer, JR was a fashion blog journalist. Designers didn’t typically record journalists numbers and journalists would only have a designer’s agency or manager’s number, not the designer’s himself. They weren’t outside friends and Baekho had even given JR the cold shoulder that time we followed him to his hotel… Unless all of that was pretend? There was no question about it – Baekho knew JR personally somehow. Was it really possible that JR… was the real Mr. Kim?

I narrowed my eyes and closed my fist around the paper, shakily standing up. I tucked the unopened envelope from Jason underneath my arm and started making my way towards my grandfather’s house in denial. I thought about how Baekho insisted that I call JR. Regardless of who JR really was, how could I gather up the emotional courage to call him? It had been months since he had stepped out of my life. I still remembered it clearly. The day he left it felt like my ribcage around my heart had cracked into a million pieces, piercing my lungs and making it difficult to breathe. The worst part of it all was that I could almost see it breaking. For a while I lived without living, letting things happen and life pass me by. And then Baekho came along. Once again I found myself in a relationship that wasn’t really a relationship – but that was my fault this time. I had been so afraid to commit myself to him and by the time I was ready, I had to say goodbye again.

I continued to walk with the soft sounds of snow crunching underneath my feet. After arriving several minutes later I stepped out of the cold and into the warm, heated house while kicking off my shoes and arranging them to the side. As I passed my grandfather on the way to the guestroom he stopped me to tell me that he had drawn me a hot bath. He said that I had spent so much time outside that he was worried about me catching a cold. I silently thanked him then stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I un-crumpled my fist and stared down at the note. I dryly scoffed then threw it across the small, cramped room and watched as it landed in the corner of the sink counter. I placed the envelope down beside it then hastily tore off my coat and undressed, stepping into the bathtub. Once inside I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs. It was quiet inside of the house, all except for the faint sounds of the drama my grandfather was watching on the TV in the living room. I pursed my lips together. I couldn’t seem to let a certain thought go: Mr. Kim.

It can’t be him…

Hundreds of thoughts flooded my mind. Why couldn’t it be? JR’s last name just so happened to be Kim. And it wasn’t like there hadn’t been instances too… Like the time I woke up undressed in the hotel and Dambi arrived with clothes from the House of Kim line that JR just ‘happened’ to have lying around. Or what about the time when JR came to Baekho’s rescue when he blanked out on what clothes he was wearing from the line? I had thought it had been strange… I thought back to the time I had been over at JR’s old apartment. Although I had momentarily out, I clearly remembered him guarding the closet behind him as if there had been something in there that he didn’t want me seeing. I buried my face into the soapy water and held my breath. Surprisingly it didn’t feel any different being above or below the water – regardless I felt as if I were drowning.

I recalled JR once asking me why I admired House of Kim. Of course at the time I didn’t think anything of it and honestly answered him. I remembered the surprised, almost happy look on his face when I told him that House of Kim inspired and meant so much to me. I pulled my head out from the water and gasped for breath. My eyes started to burn from the soap. I rubbed them with the backs of my hands then stared over at the envelope and the wadded up post-it note beside it.

JR… was this why you were always so busy…? Was this that big, important thing that you needed to do?

No, this was all just mere assumption. Nothing was confirmed as of yet. You might not really be Mr. Kim… but… if that’s the case, then why did you leave? It never mattered to me who you were or weren’t… I liked you. I wanted you. If you could have at least even tried to explain things, I would have listened and tried to understand. But now that so much time has passed between us, it almost feels as if it’s too late for understanding. I feel as if I’m at my wits end and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do next. I’m alone again and stuck at a job I don’t want to be at. Do I really need to call you? Can’t I just try to move forward with my life?

My bottom lip started to tremble. I didn’t want to talk to him even though I still missed him. I was afraid of taking that chance and calling and forgiving him for everything the instant I saw him because what if JR did it again? What if he suddenly became busy and left me on the backburner for a second time? Let’s face it – if JR really was who I was thinking he was, then he was a busy man. He would have to spend all of his time on his company and there would be little left for me. Could I handle this type of heartbreak twice? If I didn’t call him, I wouldn’t have to worry about getting hurt or left behind. I could simply go on about my life at JA Style and finish the remaining time I had with Jason on my contract. Afterwards I could quit and just find something else to do and then try to meet someone new along the way… But could I really do that? Even when I was with Baekho, JR still couldn’t seem to escape my thoughts. I wondered… would it be this way forever if I never called? I needed a break from these depressing thoughts.

I glanced at the envelope from Jason. I supposed his letter was as good enough a distraction as any at this point. I slightly rose and reached for the envelope and the wadded up post-it note, sitting back in the water once I grabbed them. I unhinged the metal prong keeping the envelope closed, opening it. I blindly reached inside for a document then paused when I felt something strange.

What the…?

I removed my hand from the envelope and leaned over the edge of the bathtub, emptying out its contents on the floor. Several shredded up pieces of paper fell onto the carpeted rug. I picked up a few of the pieces and held it up closer to me. My eyes widened in shock as I realized what this was.

My contract.

My heart started racing. Was this Baekho’s doing? I started to reach for my cellphone to call him and ask then froze as I remembered something. I wasn’t supposed to call him anymore, for both of our sakes. I lifelessly sank back into the tub and stared across at the tiled wall in front of me. Jason had done it. He really terminated my contract like how I’d asked. That meant… I was free. I wasn’t a part of JA Style anymore. But… why? What sparked this sudden change of heart? When I had last asked, he demanded that I pay the fee for breaking my contract first. Now I was holding pieces of my shredded up contract in my hands without any explanation as to why. Jason had been dead-set against letting me go. I started reaching for my phone again. I knew I should just accept this and live my life the way I wanted to, but I needed to know why he had done it. I quickly dialed Jason’s number.

“Ren…” Jason’s empty voice poured out from the speaker. “Did you meet with Baekho?” He immediately asked. “Did you get it?” He asked, referring to the document.

“Jason…” My voice trailed off. I was fighting the urge not to cry. I was an emotional rollercoaster of feelings. I was both happy and sad to see that he had ripped up my contract. I was happy because I didn’t have to deceive Minhyun and Aron anymore but sad because with as horrible a person Jason could be at times, he was still the first person to believe in me and give me a chance.

“Why are you crying, you imbecile? You got what you wanted.”

“Why? Why did you do it?” I asked him, needing to know what finally brought him to approving my request when he had denied it about a week ago. Jason paused.

“… Talk to JR about that one.” He cryptically replied. I froze after hearing him mention that particular name. Why would he say that?

“JR…?” I slowly asked. “What does JR have to do with anything?”

“What doesn’t he?” Jason murmured. Was breaking my contract not Baekho’s doing, but JR’s? My heart was pounding. What Jason was insinuating right now… it was all leading to confirming my suspicions that JR was indeed the real Mr. Kim. If JR was Mr. Kim, then he could definitely have influence over Jason’s decision to terminate my contract.

“Tell me!” I demanded.

“It appears JR’s been quite the busy man in his absence, so much that he surprisingly had time to threaten me.” He surprisingly replied.

“Threaten…?” I asked. It hadn’t occurred to me that JR could threaten Jason into doing this. But… I couldn’t imagine simply by asking Jason to rip up my contract he would either. Of course he would have to be forced, but by JR? Did that even make sense? Jason hesitantly paused.

“Did Baekho… ever tell you what we did to him…?” He cautiously asked as if wanting to be careful not to say too much. I paused. ‘We’? I narrowed my eyes and glared at the wall.

“What did you do to JR?” I darkly asked. If I remembered correctly, Jason and JR were friends. Would Jason really do something horrible to someone as innocent a person as JR? I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Sure, JR wasn’t a perfect human being – his cluelessness had hurt me several times – but to learn about someone suddenly targeting him and that person being his friend…?

“Did Baekho tell you about-”

“I know that he’s a stand-in for the real Mr. Kim.” I shortly cut him off, not needing or wanting to hear him repeat the story to me. Jason grew silent for a moment before finally speaking back up.

“I’m sure you’ve figured it out as to who the real one is by now then, I assume?” He asked. My heart started racing again. I tightly pursed my lips together and shut my eyes.

“It’s him, isn’t it…? It’s… JR…”

“You don’t sound too surprised.” It was true…

“I already sort of suspected it when Baekho admitted to his ‘secret apprentice’ being the real one. I don’t understand why and Baekho never explained it…”

“I’m the one that put Baekho up to it. Together we ran House of Kim while pushing JR out. Baekho became the front man while I was the one making all of the decisions behind the scenes.” Jason admitted. I stopped breathing. Jason did what to JR…? My heart started aching for him as I tried to process the scenario Jason just explained. JR was Mr. Kim all along. He hid everything from me. No wonder why he rarely ever went outside. And Jason… he took House of Kim from JR by using Baekho?

“The clothes that we wore at the collaboration fashion show – they really weren’t designed by Baekho, but JR, weren’t they?” I asked, stunned as everything slowly began to sink in. I tried to picture JR being the one responsible for the clothes I wore down the runway. All of this time Jason had led me to believe that Baekho was Mr. Kim when in reality he knew who the real one was but chose to hide it from me. I just kept out finding more cruel things that he had done, not only to me, but to JR and Baekho. But… if JR had helped collaborate with Jason to make them, then that must have meant Jason had been hiding one more thing from me. “Then that means you must have known where he was this entire time without telling me.” I angrily accused. He knew and even saw how much I was hurting when I told him what JR had put me through. Either he never thought to tell me where he was or he didn’t want to for some twisted reason.

“Incorrect. Even I didn’t know where JR was, but he knew where and how to find me. I’m sure you stay current with the news. This LOTUS Designs company he’s forming – it’s his form of revenge against me.”

“Revenge?”

“Even with forcing him to work for me, JA Style never received the same amount of attention and success as House of Kim. If he did it once, he can sure as hell do it again with a new company… I’m sure he plans to wipe me out of Korea. Back then I never would have believed it that JR would be capable of such a thing… To purposely doom his own company just to ensure that I can’t touch it anymore?” Jason said in disbelief. As I listened to him talk it occurred to me that this must have been the reason why he had been so down lately. All this time I had thought it was because of the reviews about the show or because of the ‘secret apprentice’ articles, not this. I too never would have believed it was because of JR.

“Is this… really all true?” I shakily asked. This didn’t sound like the JR I knew. This sounded like someone else.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Jason heavily sighed in annoyance. “Who else would threaten to destroy my life’s career in exchange for your modeling contract?” He asked.

“It can’t be… It’s not him.” I just couldn’t picture it. I knew for a fact that JR would never threaten someone else like this. After all, hadn’t he gone through something like this before back when he was bullied in high school? He could never subject another person to suffering like he did.

“Believe what you want. All I know is that it’s over now. You both have what you want and I get to continue my business as normal.” Jason replied, sounding somewhat at ease for the first time in what seemed like forever. Was he actually happy that he had ended my contract? Or was he just that happy to have JR off his back, if all of this really was true?

“Are you giving up that easily?” I asked. It was shocking to see that Jason wasn’t fighting back to keep me when at one point he said that he thought I was his company’s last hope for survival. I was his ‘secret weapon.’ And now he was just letting me go – not because I had asked, but because he was being forced to.

“… Yes.” Jason quietly said as if he were admitting defeat.

“What?” I asked, stunned.

“The fact that Baekho and I aren’t sitting inside of a jail cell right now is a miracle in itself. It’s like he’s granted us some sort of twisted grace. I can’t… I can’t lose JA Style. It’s crazy… I didn’t… I didn’t realize how horrifying a thought it was until JR gave me a taste of my own medicine. He might have threatened to destroy my company, but he gave me a second option out and so I took it. He’s changed… that much is obvious. But the fact that he gave me a chance to save myself – it proves that the same old him is still there too apparently.” Jason replied, pointing out the shocking fact that I had failed to see that neither one of them were in prison for extortion. Instead they were both roaming around freely to do as they wished. I tried to put myself in JR’s frame of mind as to why he would have chosen not to turn them in. Was it because JR preferred a more personal revenge by taking down House of Kim and JA Style with it? Or was it because JR really didn’t want them to suffer? What if everything had just been a bluff to get Jason to release me? That sounded more like the JR I knew.

“I don’t know what to think anymore…” My voice hopelessly trailed off.

“Truthfully I had been looking for an end to this even before I was cornered. I didn’t know how much longer my body could have taken it. I’m sure you’ve noticed it – the weight loss, the pale skin, the tiredness… I’m a ghost of my former self. As much as I hate to admit it, I was so stupid… I should have known that none of this would have worked, but I was just that desperate enough to try… You know, I think I would have actually preferred to be punished than to live with the guilt of what I’ve done to him.”

“You’re telling me that JR’s the one responsible for ending my contract…”

“Yes.”

“And he’s also secretly the man that I had been wanting to meet all along…?” I asked, still slowly processing everything. “How…?”

“It just turned out that way.” Jason replied.

“Back when you first signed me and promised to help me meet him, you knew that JR was the real Mr. Kim and-”

“I purposely hid him from you with the illusion of Baekho.” He admitted.

“Why…? Why would you do something like that?” I couldn’t comprehend it. Jason grew quiet for a moment before slowly speaking up.

“Because I wanted to hurt him… Ever since finding out the truth about JR, all I’ve ever wanted to do was put him in his rightful place because… I was jealous. Everything he had – I wanted. And then when you came along and I saw you two connecting at the fashion show I invited the both of you to, I hatched a plan of how I could make this work to my advantage.”

“I hate this.” I darkly murmured after hearing Jason explain everything.

“What?”

“The fact that everyone feels the need to lie… There’s so much lying going on this world, I’m sick of it! Just tell the truth!” I snapped, feeling angry at everyone. Minseok and my parents had lied to me. Jason lied to me. Baekho and even JR lied to me.

“I’m telling you the truth, aren’t I?” Jason asked. I froze. Out of all the people I least expected to hear the truth from, it was Jason. And yet here he was explaining everything plain as day. “If you must hate someone, then hate me. You must have known JR had his own demons – demons which I took advantage of. I knew he was afraid of stepping out into the world as the real Mr. Kim because he had his emotional scars from the past, but the world kept asking for him. You kept asking for him. I saw this chance as an opportunity to raise my company and I took it, convincing him to hire Baekho and I took over from there, kicking him out.”

“How horrible… To see someone else’s misfortune as an opportunity… You must have been that confident that it would work, or how else could you have thought of such a morbid idea?” I asked in disgust.

“I was confident because I knew that JR and Baekho would fall for you. The first moment I spoke to you out in the streets I picked up what type of personality you had. You were the type of person that naturally drew people towards you. And so I waited until, as I predicted, both JR and Baekho fell in love with you. You were my ‘secret weapon’ in more ways than one.”

“What do you… what do you mean?” My voice trembled in fear while listening to Jason as he continued to unravel the truth behind all that he had orchestrated.

“You were how I got Baekho to continue going out in public and how I got JR and House of Kim to participate in my fashion show to benefit my company. JR couldn’t bear the idea of you being signed to me just as Baekho did as I said to prevent your career from going down the toilet. So you see, I’m the one that really lied to you… Baekho and JR might have lied to you, but that was because-”

“They were both trying to protect me…” I guiltily replied and placed my right hand over my face and started to sob. Jason grew silent for a moment upon hearing my soft cries.

“No. They were protecting your dream.” He finally corrected me after a while. I froze. Baekho pretending to be Mr. Kim although secretly hating it – he put up with it for me. And JR…  I suddenly felt horrible. The both of them had gone through so much just to keep me on the runway and lately these days all I could think about was giving up on this dream and quitting. How much more selfish could I possibly get? I continued to sob at how horrible a person I had become ever since growing up. I shut Minseok out. I carelessly neglected my paternal grandparents and had the audacity to be surprised after learning that one of them had passed away during my absence. And then there was Baekho and JR, who had both endured countless suffering at the hands of Jason all just to protect the dream I was considering throwing away.

“What makes my dream so worthy of their protection?” I said through choked sobs.

“Because of your potential.” Jason replied. “Because shining your own light I guess in a way sort of inspires others to shine theirs. Listen… under the right direction, you can be the next Son Dambi… And any designer that helps you get there is lucky. Unfortunately it’s not going to be me like how I originally planned, but… I guess what I’m trying to say is that from now on you’re free. You don’t ever have to come back and see my ugly face ever again. I’m… sorry, Ren… for everything.” Jason regretfully said. I began to sob harder.

“Jason…” My voice painfully trailed of in between tears. “I appreciate all that you’ve done for me up until now, giving me the experience I might have otherwise not had… but after hearing all of this, all that you did – I’m not sure I ever want to see you again.” I replied, struggling to breathe as I tried to picture it. Even with as much as he had put me and everyone else around me through, I couldn’t erase the few good times I shared with him. Even despite everyone telling me to be careful around him, I still held faith in him until the claims had been proven true.

“I don’t blame you. Even I have a hard time looking at myself in a mirror these days. You viewed me as a friend when no one else did and I threw that away.” Jason had a hard time saying this. Hurt was evident in his voice.

“You chose that for yourself.” I replied, trying to start distancing myself from him. Although he had betrayed my trust and hurt me deeply, I didn’t want to spend any effort plotting any sort of revenge. I just wanted this, much like the mess surrounding the accident, to be over. I wanted to move on.

“I know.” Jason quietly admitted. I shut my eyes again and deeply inhaled and exhaled, trying to center myself and calm down. I slowly opened my eyes.

“Jason… I hope that after all of this, you’ll learn to live the right way again.” I replied then hesitantly paused, gripping the phone with my left hand. “I don’t think anyone is ever born evil or cruel – that’s something we learn as we go on. But it’s also something that can be unlearned as well. I hate what you did… but I refuse to hate you. I refuse to go through hating another person again...” I said with the situation with Baekho still fresh on my mind.

“I just don’t understand you sometimes…” He said, sounding frustrated as if not happy with my decision to forgo living with a grudge against him.

“Someone important once told me that forgiveness doesn’t mean that you’re erasing the past or forgetting what has happened. All it means is that you’re letting go of all the anger and pain and are moving on to a better place.” I repeated Baekho’s words. The other end of the line went silent for several seconds before I suddenly heard Jason sniffle. Was he actually crying?

“As expected, even till the end you’re still a better person than me. I didn’t deserve to have a talent like you on my team.” Jason painfully said, sniffling again. I forced a smile on my lips.

“I have to go now. I hope that if we ever do have to see each other again, it will be under different pretenses. Until then, goodbye Jason.”

“… Goodbye Ren.” Jason sadly replied before hanging up first. I placed my phone down outside of the tub and sat up straight for a moment, taking a deep breath and letting everything that Jason had just told me sink in. It was mind-blowing discovering what JR had secretly been doing while I went on with my daily routine without him. When I had thought that JR hated me and wanted nothing to do with me, it had been the opposite all along. I paused. Suddenly I heard Dambi’s words from the other day in the back of my head.

“There are people even higher up than Jason on the corporate ladder and you don’t know it yet, but you already have their support.”

I rose from the water and climbed out of the tub, wrapping a towel around my waist. That was what she had meant. Dambi hadn’t been talking about Baekho – she had been referring to JR all along. She had known that JR was the real Mr. Kim but never said anything – probably out of respect for her longer and stronger friendship with JR. Although I was a bit taken aback, I couldn’t be upset with her because I knew how strong their bond was. Plus I wouldn’t put it past her to have been helping JR orchestrate this whole thing. Dambi too played a hand in helping me break free from Jason. How could I possibly bring myself to be mad at her…? I picked up my phone along with the wadded up post-it note from the floor and slowly tapped in the number that was written down. It was crazy how before my conversation with Jason, I was sure that I didn’t want to talk to JR. Now it was the opposite. Now I suddenly found myself needing to talk to him. I walked out of the bathroom with the phone pressed against the side of my face, making my way down the hall into the guest room as the phone started ringing. My heart started to beat faster and faster with each unanswered tone then all of a sudden – a response.

“This is Kim Jonghyun speaking.” JR’s voice trailed out from the other end of the line. I froze at the familiar sound of his words as they reached my ears. It was the voice that I had been longing to hear for months but now that I found myself faced with him I was starting to panic. Part of me was still scared that a part of JR didn’t feel the same way about me after this time apart, even despite learning about all that he had done for me.

“J-J-JR…?” I nervously stuttered and stumbled over my words.

“Ren…?” JR asked in response, his voice much softer. My bottom lip started trembling as I worked up the courage to finally talk to him. As I was about to say something, JR stopped me. “Hold on, Ren.” He briefly said before starting to talk to someone else. It sounded as if he were talking to a cab driver. I listened in to the background noise – it was loud, as if he were out somewhere. When he finished talking to the other person with him he called out to me again. “Ren-”

“A-Are you out…? Is this a bad time…?” I asked, extremely paranoid that I was disturbing him. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t a slight bit intimidated by him now upon learning who he really was. He was, after all, the one man I admired all along. I just didn’t know it. I only knew JR, not the Mr. Kim-aspect of him. That’s it… he was still JR. There was no logical reason to be intimidated by him. As I realized this I felt myself start to calm down.

“You caught me just as I was leaving the airport. I’m headed to my hotel right now.”

“Airport? Which one?” I sheepishly asked. There was no way that JR could be in Busan right now, was there? Stop being foolish, Ren –

“Gimhae International Airport. I’m in Busan for the night.” JR replied. My heart started racing again. How…?

“You’re in Busan? That’s… where I am right now…” My voice trailed off. I tightly pursed my lips together as a thought occurred to me. If we were both in Busan… was it possible for the two of us to meet? By now my heart beat was out of control and I had to sit down on the bed to calm myself. Again I was being foolish. Why should we meet? Just because it was convenient? He had still hurt me…

“Really?” JR asked, sounding as if he had somehow known about my whereabouts without me ever having told him. I paused, stunned. Did Baekho tell him…?

“JR… Why are you in Busan…?” I slowly and cautiously asked. Although I wanted him to directly say it, I knew better than to expect a straightforward answer about his feelings from JR –

“To see you.” JR firmly replied, taking me by surprise. My eyes widened in shock and my jaw slightly dropped at his response. I grew silent for a moment. What in the world was going on…? Who was I talking to just now? He sounded like JR, but this wasn’t the JR I remembered. The JR I knew was shy and bashful – he would have never admitted something like this so easily. My face grew hot and red. I brought my left hand up and fanned myself to calm down. Don’t let him know you’re flustered, Ren. Regardless of helping me leave JA Style, he had still disappeared without a word.

“I wish you had let me know sooner. I’m in for the night.” I arrogantly replied, surprised at myself when I realized that I was testing him.

“Ah…” JR’s voice trailed off disappointedly. “That’s too bad. I was going to order room service as soon as I got in.” He skillfully replied, remembering how to pull and tug at my heartstrings. I paused.

“Room… service?” I shamelessly asked, temporarily forgetting that I was mad at him when he mentioned food.

“Yeah, but you said you’re already in for the night, so I’ll just pick something up on the way to the hotel instead-”

“… I can go…” I timidly whispered, suddenly finding myself wanting to taste delicious food. I heard JR chuckle on the other end of the line.

“Ok. I’m at the Park Hyatt, suite 469. See you there.” JR replied. A suite?

“O-Okay.” I replied then quickly hung up. I sat on the bed for a couple of seconds in silence before leaping up to my feet and shrieking. Did I just agree to meet JR in five star hotel room??? What was wrong with me? Clearly just then I had been thinking with my stomach and not my head.

I ran to my suitcase on the floor in the corner of the room and started rummaging through it like a madman to find something suitable to wear. Truthfully when I had packed my bag I had been so upset that I had pretty much grabbed all that I could and stuffed it in there, not actually checking what all I had put. I silently prayed to whatever god was listening that I had packed something presentable. I found a black long sleeve turtleneck sweater. Well… it’d have to do. I pulled it on over my head and down my torso then stepped into a new pair of boxers and a pair of black skinny jeans. I practically stumbled out into the hallway, returning to the bathroom to fix my wet blonde bangs. When I finished I adjusted the collar of the sweater up to cover more of my neck. I returned to the bedroom and slipped into some socks then slid on my black leather jacket. I opened up an app on my phone to call a taxi over to the house. As I walked past the living room I had discovered it empty – my grandfather had already gone to bed for the night. I quietly tiptoed to the front door as not to wake him then stepped into my boots and waited, peeking out of one of the front windows until I spotted the cab outside. I quickly left and climbed inside of the taxi, riding it all the way to the Park Hyatt.

 

 

When the car pulled up in front of the hotel about twenty minutes later I felt my heart sink down to the bottom of my stomach. Me being here felt so surreal – I almost felt out of place. This was a five star hotel, a place where celebrities or important businessmen and their rich families frequented. When I was younger I remembered seeing the Park Hyatt several times as we would drive by it, never imagining that I would ever set foot inside. This would be my first time entering. I quickly paid the taxi and climbed outside. I slowly and self-consciously approached the several front doors, timidly bowing to the front security guards who seemed to allow me to pass. Had JR given them prior notice that I would be arriving? There was no way they could have mistook me for someone else. Although I tried to dress nicely, my clothes didn’t scream ‘rich kid.’ I stepped through one of the doors and entered, stopping once I entered the grand and luxurious lobby. My jaw slightly dropped. JR was staying here? I thought back to his old apartment which had nothing special about it, comparing it to this place. Just how much had JR changed these past few months? Would I even be able to recognize him?

I glanced around looking for the elevators and started walking towards them once I found them. I kept my head held down, trying my best not to stand out too much or look as out of place as I felt. I pressed the call button and waited. About a minute later an empty lift arrived and I quickly stepped inside and pressed the button to shut the doors, not wanting anyone to ride up with me. With as fancy a hotel this was, it was also a breeding ground for reporters hoping to catch anyone notable enough to write an article about. If they knew who I was here to visit, it would be all over the internet and I couldn’t risk it. I pressed the button for the fourth floor and waited, my heart racing the entire time. This was it. After all these months of feeling hurt and betrayed and secretly despising him, I would finally come face to face with JR. My knees started feeling weak and my bottom lip trembled. I wasn’t ready for this. I thought I might have been prepared enough to see him but now that I was actually here and knowing that he was inside the same building as I was sent a surge of adrenaline through me, triggering my fight or flight responses. I was tempted to run. Right as the elevator stopped on the fourth floor and the doors started sliding open I already found my finger inching towards the button for the lobby. All I had to do was press this button and I could just disappear –

“Where are you going?” I froze as a familiar voice called out to me. I could almost hear my heart pounding loudly in my chest. I slowly lifted my gaze from the elevator buttons and towards the hallway past the open doors to see a figure completely dressed in black – black Vans, ripped up black jeans, and a black long sleeve t-shirt. I hesitantly paused at his neck before my eyes could travel any further upwards. Tan skin. I didn’t even have to look at his face to know that this was him. I quickly darted my eyes away and started to reach for the lobby floor button when JR suddenly reached into the elevator and grabbed me by my wrist, pulling me out into the hall with him. The elevator doors slid shut behind me and started traveling to another floor, abandoning me here with the one person that I was both happy and afraid of seeing. “Ren-”

Still refusing to glance up at him I yanked my wrist from his grasp and stared down at the floor to my left. I was internally panicking. I felt like I was close to having an anxiety attack. No, no, no… calm yourself, Ren. You know what will happen if you allow this to go any further. You can’t black out – not now. Get this under control and just run away. You tried. I started to turn towards the elevator call button with JR grabbed me by my wrist again and forcefully turned my body facing him. I bit my bottom lip while keeping my gaze downwards.

“Don’t leave…” JR’s voice trembled, his emotional pain apparent in his tone. My heart was aching immensely. I still couldn’t look at him.

“You still did.” I felt JR’s hand around my wrist tense up.

“I did it for your sake-” He started to say but I refused to hear it.

“For my sake?” I wildly asked, finally glancing up to look at him eye to eye then froze when I took in his features. He was different. He looked different from the last time I had seen him. Of course the last time I had seen him he had messy wavy blonde hair and hadn’t really taken care of his appearance. But now… it was as if I were glancing at his opposite. His hair was dyed a dark black color with his bangs parted to the side. His eyebrows were neater, as if professionally styled and his skin was almost flawless. Paired with what I was certain were designer clothes, he looked like an untouchable celebrity. I suddenly felt the intimidation factor slowly starting to return.

“I know that you’re mad at me… But please, hear me out-”

“Let go of me.” I demanded, shaking my wrist free for a second time. I didn’t know why I came here. I didn’t know what I was thinking. JR motionlessly stood back, staring at me with hurt eyes. I turned back towards the call button and pressed it. The two of us stood in silence for the minute that followed. The elevator finally arrived. “I thought I could do this but I can’t.” I said before starting to step towards it. Seeing him here like this… seeing how much he had changed and realizing he probably wasn’t the same JR that I had fallen in love with… it was too painful. I froze when I suddenly felt his arms from behind me wrap around my waist and pull me backwards out into the hall and into him. I felt the side of his face resting against my back but then paused when I noticed something odd – he was silently crying.

“Don’t go… Don’t say that it’s over before even giving me the chance to explain…” His voice trailed off from behind me.

“It was over the night that you left. You made that very clear to me, didn’t you?” I asked then felt him shake his head into my back.

“I didn’t have a choice. Please, let me explain everything to you inside the room. I can’t say it out here. Please don’t go…” JR pleaded me. I guiltily shifted my gaze down to the floor, secretly knowing that he was right. If he was about to tell me his version of the story and about being Mr. Kim, he very well couldn’t do it out here. But to go inside of a hotel room with him? Did he even know what that meant?

“JR, let go of me.” I ordered but he refused to listen and instead only held me tighter in his arms. I furrowed my brows and painfully pursed my lips together in stunned silence. At one point there was a time where if I had asked this of him, JR would have been so embarrassed and flew so far away from me in humiliation that it would almost be cute and funny. But now it was the opposite – now he wouldn’t let go. He was painfully tugging away at my heartstrings, making it difficult for me to breathe.

“I can’t.” JR whispered.

“You can’t what?”

“I can’t seem to let go of you no matter how hard I try… and I’ve tried.” JR replied, voice still trembling. I could feel his tears start to soak through my black sweater. I froze. He had tried? It almost felt like a slap to the face hearing those last few words from him. Knowing that he had tried to give up on me stabbed away at my heart. But then again, hadn’t I tried as well with Baekho? No, it didn’t matter. Regardless of JR helping me all along, he still left. There were a thousand better ways he could have tried to help if he had just been honest this entire time. But the way he did it – it was horrible. I rose my hands and placed them over his, trying to pry him off me.

“Let go.”

“… You don’t feel the same way as I do… do you?” JR slowly asked. I felt his hold around me lessen and I took this opportunity to quickly break free from him. I madly spun around to face him.

“Do you think that even for one moment I ever stopped thinking about you?!” I angrily snapped back at him. JR stared at me with a startled look on his face for a brief moment before shifting his gaze down to the floor.

“We need to talk…”

“What if I don’t want to now?”

“Ren.” JR pleaded me, glancing back up. I stared at him, sensing and seeing his desperateness. It suddenly hit me how selfish and stubborn I was being. It wasn’t just about me in this situation. When I thought about the conversation I had with Jason just an hour ago, I remembered all of the hell and things JR had sacrificed for my sake. The least I could do was hear him out, even if it was painful being near and around him.

“Ok.” I quietly responded, finally giving in. A surprised look spread across JR’s face before giving me an unsure gaze as if he didn’t quite believe me. “Where is it?” I asked, referring to his suite. JR raised his left hand and pointed down the hallway.

“It’s this way.” He replied.

“I’ll follow you.” I said and watched as JR quietly nodded then turned his back to me, trailing down the hallway. I kept true to my word and stuck close behind him until he stopped in front of a door which read ‘Suite 469.’ JR swiped his card key then turned the handle as the lock unhinged, pushing the door open to reveal an elaborately furnished lounge area. On the wall to the left hung a large flat screen TV and across from it sat a long decorative couch. In the far back corner of the room sat a big circular table with two chairs next to the floor length windows leading out into the balcony which provided a night time view of the bridge and the city behind it. JR stepped inside as I paused outside in the hallway, unsure of whether or not to enter. JR turned around when he realized I hadn’t followed him inside. He gave me a soft, sad smile.

“It’s okay.” He reassured me to come in. I hung my head down low and sheepishly entered, stepping off to the side in the living room. JR closed the door then stood behind me, placing both hands on my shoulder blades and leading me forward towards the dining table. As we approached it I realized that every square inch of the table was covered in different dishes, as if JR had ordered everything off the menu from room service. I stared at it with wide eyes before slowly glancing over my left shoulder to look at him with a stunned look on my face. JR nervously smiled. “… I wasn’t sure what you might want, so I ordered one everything.” He replied. So I was right.

“JR…” My voice reluctantly trailed off.

“Sit. Pick whatever you want.” He urged me, trying to sit me down into one of the two chairs. I fought him and remained standing. JR froze. For a couple of seconds we stood in silence before he finally gathered up the courage to ask. “… Do you not want it?”

“JR-”

“If there isn’t anything that you like, I can just call and make a special request-” He nervously continued.

“JR!” I snapped, trying to get him to listen to me. He paused and slowly looked up at me. Now that I had his full attention I spoke again. “You know I didn’t really come here for this.” I replied. JR guiltily glanced down.

“I know.”

“You broke my heart. You can’t fix it with food.”

“I know.” JR sadly replied, letting his hands drop from my shoulders. He turned around and started walking towards the front door, placing his hand on the handle and glancing back at me. “I knew I shouldn’t have come here. What I did to you was unforgiveable – I know that. But it was the only way I could think of to both help and protect you. I know it was wrong. I know I’m not perfect… God, look at me – look at all of this. It’s all just me pretending to be. I don’t have the slightest clue about what I’m doing. When Baekho asked me to meet you here, I wasn’t sure you’d even want to see me and now that we’re here I have my answer…” JR’s words pained me as he spoke negatively about himself. Silent tears started to well up in the corners of my eyes. Although I was still hurt about him leaving and I was scared about being here and had tried to run several times earlier, the truth of the matter was that my heart still missed and ached for him. I couldn’t continue to fight him for fear of getting hurt again. I tilted my head back and pursed my lips as I tried to pull myself together.

“You idiot…” I shakily replied. JR stared at me, surprised. I sniffled then glanced back down at all the food lining the table before glancing back up at him and continuing. “You can at least try…” I pouted through my silent tears, stubbornly sitting down in one of the two empty chairs. I didn’t want either him or myself to give up. We couldn’t, not after all that we had been through. It was clear that we had both missed each other and no matter how hard we had tried to move on, it wasn’t possible. I had been so apprehensive at first to listen to him because… well, I didn’t know why. Maybe it was just the fact that we hadn’t seen each other in so long since that horrible night. Or maybe it was because I thought that him suddenly being Mr. Kim had changed him into a complete stranger. But seeing him like this – although his outside wrapper was different and he was finally saying more than three words to me at a time, there were hints and traces of his shy, sensitive nature in front of me. JR released the handle and brought his hand up to his face and suddenly cried into his palm.

“I’m sorry.” He said as he broke down into tears, realizing that I was finally giving him a chance. “I’m sorry.” He repeated himself. I frowned.

“At least sit down and tell me what you’re sorry about.” I replied. JR nodded into his palm before dropping his hand down to his side and slowly walking over and joining me at the table, sitting down with his head held downwards. “Stop crying, ok? You know if you cry, I’ll cry.” I lamely joked, trying to lighten up the mood. A small smile appeared across JR’s lips before quickly disappearing. He took a moment to calm himself down before sniffling and looking up at me.

“I don’t know how to say it.”

“Do the best you can… I’m… I’m not going to try to run away again.” I guiltily reassured him, feeling rotten about my behavior from earlier. JR was making an effort. I at least owed it to him to listen. JR shakily took a deep breath and exhaled.

“The truth is, Ren… I’ve been keeping a rather big secret from you since the moment we met.” He said. I nodded. This was it. JR was about to finally tell me the truth about who the real Mr. Kim was but he seemed scared getting there.

“We all have secrets.” I encouraged him.

“I couldn’t talk about it though… not just you, but anyone for that matter. I was… afraid. There was a time where I was beaten up and made fun of for being different.”

“I know. I heard from Dambi-noona about that time. It must have been rough…”

“I just wanted to draw. I wanted to create something out of nothing. I wasn’t ever looking for any trouble. Something that I found that I liked to draw were clothes because of the endless combinations and possibilities. Back at home I used to fumble through my mom’s old fashion magazines and take note of all the current trends and try my hand at them, secretly sketching them in notebooks that I used to hide underneath my bed.”

“You were ashamed of liking fashion?” I asked him, confused. JR slowly shook his head.

“No.” He replied. “I was afraid.”

“Why? Was it because of the other kids that made fun of you?”

“Yes and no.” JR hesitantly paused, forcing a painful smile on his lips. “The kids at school weren’t the only people that made fun of me. I remember the first time my dad found all my boxes of drawings. That look of disappointment on his face – I could never forget it. He burned all of my sketchbooks, his reason being that ‘designing isn’t something that boys do.’ That along with the constant bullying at school had crushed my spirit, leaving me afraid to be myself.”

“I’m so sorry…” My voice trailed off, stunned. I had no idea the extent of bullying JR had gone through. I never would have imagined it that he had faced it at home. When I had told my parents about my uality, it hadn’t even been an issue. They had probably already known anyways. Growing up, they had never restricted me from any of my likes and dislikes. They openly bought me fashion magazines and even downright feminine looking clothes and makeup. If they ever told me no, it wasn’t ever because I was a boy, but because they simply didn’t have the funds to pay for it. “And what did your mother think?” I suddenly asked him. JR gave me a surprised look.

“My mom?” He asked then paused. A small, warm smile spread across his lips. “She was the only one aside from Dambi that had encouraged me to design. She was different from my dad. The two hardly ever saw eye to eye. I think that’s what led to the divorce… But my mom managed to save a few of my old sketchbooks from the fire. And when I told her about the hard time I was having at school, she allowed me to quit. From there I became a shut in and received my GED at home. My mom paid for online business and design classes, stressing the importance of pursuing my dreams.”

“She sounds like a great woman.” I replied. I hadn’t known that JR’s parents had gotten a divorce. Now that I thought about it, JR had never, not even once had mentioned them in the first place. He lived alone. I assumed that he either didn’t have parents or they were happily living somewhere outside of the city.

“She was.” He replied. I frowned.

“I’m sorry-”

JR shook his head. “It’s okay. She was really sick. Once she passed away I became determined to fulfilling her wish to see me become a designer. With the insurance money she had left me, I used the knowledge that I had and hired people that already knew how to run a business to help me establish my first business: House of Kim.” He cautiously stated, watching me to study my reaction. I stared back at him with stunned eyes. It wasn’t that I hadn’t known before coming here. It was just surprising finally hearing the truth coming directly from him and escaping his lips.

“G-Go on.” I stuttered. JR stared at me in disbelief and furrowed his brows.

“You’re not… angry or surprised…?” He asked, confused. I shakily shook my head.

“I knew.”

“What?” JR’s eyes grew wide in shock.

“Baekho… kind of hinted at it and Jason confirmed it.” I replied. JR grew quiet as he shifted his gaze down towards the food on the table. He seemed heavily bothered and distraught.

“All this time I was thinking of how to tell you when in reality they went ahead and-”

“I figured it out on my own. There were so many signs.” I said. JR glanced up at me.

“There were?” He asked. I guiltily nodded.

“So many of those signs came from Baekho himself, leading me to doubt that he was the real Mr. Kim. When I asked him who was, he refused to tell me, but when I asked him if it was his apprentice, he didn’t deny it. Shortly afterwards was when he gave me your number. I found it kind of strange that he of all people would have it when you were off the grid for months… and that’s when it connected. After opening Jason’s letter and discovering my ripped up contract, I called Jason and asked him why he had done it. He said to ask you.”

JR froze. “He did it?” He asked. I awkwardly nodded.

“Yeah, he did.” I replied. JR sighed.

“That’s a relief.” He said, not going into details. I thought about how Jason had said that JR had threatened JA Style. From the looks of it, JR seemed grateful that Jason had done what he had asked, almost as if relieved that he didn’t have to attack him after all. So it had been a bluff… “I’m sorry I kept it a secret from you. I knew how much House of Kim meant to you and how much meeting the real Mr. Kim was and I hid the truth from you.”

“But why did you?”

“I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Disappointing you. Disappointing the world.” JR shifted his gaze downwards again. “Look at how much people made fun of me at the fashion shows... Contrary to belief, bullying doesn’t end after high school. Just look at all those fashion critics. Look at people like Jason… It never stops.” He replied, his voice heavy with anguish as he recalled several painful memories. I forced a smile on my face.

“Of course it does. Aron stopped, didn’t he? He considers himself your friend now too.” I said in attempt to try to cheer him up. JR sadly smiled.

“If only more people in this world were like Aron… but they’re not. When I learned that I couldn’t trust my own father, I realized that I couldn’t trust anyone. When I hired all of those people, I did it behind a curtain of secrecy. Until this very day not one of them know who I am or have seen my face. But people are motivated through money – if you pay them enough, they will work hard for you. It was through pure luck that I had hired a dedicated crew the first time. It was their skills and efforts along with my designs that helped House of Kim reach what it is today.”

“I don’t understand though. You wanted to become a designer, not just for yourself, but for the people that believed in you and you did. But… did you never want the credit? Why did you hire Baekho?”

“Just knowing that I was a designer was good enough. I got to do the two things that I loved – drawing and being creative. I didn’t need the credit. Though… to have it for once might have actually been nice… There were several times where I wanted to take credit for my own work, but that same fear of being made fun of or ridiculed was still there. After being labeled a ‘fashion terrorist’ in the Seoul fashion scene I just couldn’t, despite all of the constant calls and requests for Mr. Kim to reveal his face to the public. And that’s when Jason brought up the idea to hire Baekho as a stand-in. But I was tricked.”

“I know.” I replied and was met with a somewhat brief, surprised look from JR that seemed to change once he remembered that I had mentioned that I had spoken to Jason.

“He told you that much, huh…?” JR quietly said.

“But how did he trick you? And why Baekho?” I asked.

“Baekho had the appearance, strong personality and stage presence that the world expected from someone like Mr. Kim. I… I didn’t feel like I could live up to that expectation.” JR timidly replied while staring down into his lap.

“Lies.” I instantly replied. JR immediately looked up at me. “Look at you! You’re every bit as handsome as Baekho and when you set your mind to it, I know you’re capable of having a strong stage presence. Newsflash, JR: you don’t have to be an arrogant prick like Jason to be a designer. You can get it done by treating people right – after all, wasn’t that how you said House of Kim was formed? They never knew you but you paid them honestly and well. You did it before and I know you can do it again.”

JR softly smiled. “You’re right… thanks.” He replied then continued on. “But that was the reason why I had chosen him. The reason why Jason chose him was because Baekho was someone who was practically invisible… He was someone without much of a past. No one would have noticed he was missing. That’s why Jason said he was perfect. He convinced me that Baekho was what the world needed in Mr. Kim. After Baekho and I had signed the contract, that’s when Jason manipulated Baekho and I, forcing me to collaborate with JA Style while having the fake Mr. Kim make my decisions for me. Before I knew it, I had lost control of House of Kim. I felt sorry for myself until noona suggested that I take everything back. Together we built and formed LOTUS Designs for the sole purpose of ripping House of Kim from Jason’s reach and-”

“Getting me away from him…” I cut JR off. He paused and stared at me.

“Yes…”

“JR… I’m grateful for all that you’ve done for me quietly behind the scenes. Really, I am, but… did you really have to lie to me about it? You went through great lengths to hide who you really were but if you had just been honest about it in the first place, none of this would have happened. I know that you were scared, but couldn’t you have just told me? That night that you left – you left me thinking the worst of you. I hated hating you.” I painfully replied.

“I was afraid that if I told you I was him, you would reject it. The way you talked about Mr. Kim and House of Kim… you made him into someone beyond realistic expectations and my company into some sort of magical fantasy. I wasn’t the hero you made Mr. Kim out to be – I was a scrawny, messy haired, crumpled clothes kind of shut-in. I operated House of Kim from my apartment, doing everything from business calls to constructing the first samples in my living room. There was no magic, just hard work. But I saw that dreamy look in your eyes whenever you talked about them… how could I break your expectations by telling you the truth?”

I sadly stared down into my lap. “I’m sorry…” I replied, feeling horrible for being the reason why JR was afraid to say anything. JR suddenly leaned forward in his chair and closer towards the table.

“No! It’s not your fault! Don’t apologize… it’s my fault…”

“When I had found out that Baekho was Mr. Kim, you were right – he fulfilled all of my expectations for who I thought he should be. But I realize how wrong I was for expecting something like that. Having unrealistic expectations of others are what drive people to do crazy, insane things. I know… I know you must have suffered a lot because of me and if I could go back and prevent any of it from happening, trust me, I would-”

JR shook his head. “Ren, I don’t want you to change anything.”

“Then what do you want me to do? I feel miserable that you had to lie to me!”

“Nothing.” JR simply replied. I froze.

“What…?” My voice trailed off. JR slowly stood up and walked around the side of the table, stopping at my left side. He crouched down and stared up at me, taking both of my hands in his own.

“I want you to go out there and live your dream that others worked so hard to protect.” He replied. Tears started to form in the corners of my eyes again. I shook my head.

“How can I…? I never did anything to deserve yours and Baekho’s help…”

“And I never did anything to deserve my mom or Dambi’s help either. But they saw something in me… just how like we saw something in you. Don’t think that any of this was your fault. It was my fault. If I had the smallest hint of courage within me at the time, none of this would have happened. But it did. Although I’m sorry I had to hurt you to protect you, I’m not sorry that I lost House of Kim. If I had stayed there like that, I would have been trapped. I would never get to stand up and take credit for my work like how I will get to do with LOTUS Designs. Protecting you gave me the courage and motivation I needed to chase my own dream.”

I started to cry. “But how did you know I would come back?”

“I didn’t.” His response hit me like a bag of bricks to the face, leaving me stunned.

“You mean you did all of that without any promise that I would forgive you?” I asked, astonished by his actions. JR softly smiled and nodded. I slid my hands out from under his and cupped them around his face, touching him numerous times. JR gave me a slightly confused look. “Are you real this time…? Is this really real or is this some sort of dream…?” I asked. A serious look suddenly washed over JR’s face before he shifted his gaze off downwards to his right.

“Ren… about that time at the COEX Mall… It wasn’t your imagination.”

“What…?” I released my hands from the sides of his face.

“At the tunnel of lights… I was really there.”

“But… how…?” I asked, floored. I remembered how devastated I had been after thinking I had seen him there and had even chased after him. And now he was telling me that it was real, that he really had been there? Then that meant… I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t imagining things. JR had really been right before my eyes.

“Noona originally wanted to see the light exhibit and dragged me out there. She had left me for the washroom momentarily and that’s when I happened to bump into you.”

“But you ran away…”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want you to see me because… because I wasn’t ready to face you just yet. My intentions were to debut with LOTUS Designs and prove myself as someone worthy in front of you first in order to make up for all the horrible things I had done to you. I knew becoming a designer wouldn’t erase all of my mistakes, but it might otherwise explain why I was always so busy and couldn’t see or make time for you and maybe you might understand… I know it sounds stupid, but that’s really what I thought and had planned to do. If I had seen you then, I would have had to explain everything-”

“Just as you’re doing now?” I asked.

“Yeah…” JR sadly replied.

“Then why are you doing it now? LOTUS Designs doesn’t debut until next week… Why are you here now?” I couldn’t understand him after giving me that long, detailed explanation as to why he avoided me at the light exhibit. JR finally glanced back up at me.

“Because Baekho asked me to be here for you.” He replied. My eyes grew wide in shock.

“Baekho?” I hadn’t been expecting that response. “But why would he-”

“Before he came out here, he went on a wild goose chase trying to hunt down my number. From what I heard, he went through Jason, Aron and Dambi just to get a hold of me and once he did he told me about his intention to tell you goodbye. He said he was worried about how you might react and asked me to come to Busan for your sake. I knew how much you got along with Baekho… so I scrapped my original plans and came down here to see you because I was worried too. I didn’t know what I would tell you once I got here or if you would even want to see me, but my frame of thought was ‘I have to try.’”

I shifted my gaze down into my lap. “Saying goodbye to Baekho was hard, but… at the same time, it might have been necessary and we both knew it. And it’s not like either of us didn’t have any time to think about it… a whole week had passed since we found out the truth behind our pasts… JR, I don’t know if you know this – Baekho might have told you… or maybe not… but my accident-” I started to choke up thinking about it again.

“I know. You don’t have to say it if it’s too much.” He softly said. I was glad he did. The accident would always be one of my sore spots, but the thought of no longer being allowed to see Baekho still tore me up inside. After finding out all that he had done for me my hurt and pain intensified. And now he was the one responsible for bringing JR out here to finally meet with me again? I stared at JR with eyes full of concern for Baekho.

“What’s going to happen to him?” I asked him. JR paused, looking distraught.

“I don’t know.”

“I know what he did to you was wrong and I know I have no right or place asking you this, but… can you not hurt him? Can you grant him the same mercy you gave Jason?” I practically pleaded him. JR stood back up and turned his back to me, staring outside of the large window and out into the balcony that overlooked the city.

“It wasn’t Baekho’s fault… I know that. He was doing what he was contracted to do. The only fallout we had… was over you. I had always feared that I would lose you to him and that fear led me to distrust him. It was never about House of Kim. Regardless, I don’t want to hurt him. It’s not in my least intentions to hurt anyone.”

I shifted my gaze down into my lap. “You were never going to hurt Jason, were you?” I asked. JR slowly glanced back at me over his left shoulder.

“You’re wrong. Me taking back House of Kim and destroying it with my own two hands with LOTUS Designs is my intent to hurt Jason and put him in his place. It was to show him that I could do it and that I’m not someone he can continue to do this to. I have confidence that my new company will rise above JA Style once again, just like House of Kim, knocking him down a few pegs. As for the threats I made regarding your contract-”

I quickly glanced up at him. “You were never going to really do that, were you?” I worriedly asked.

“Only if he didn’t let you go…” JR’s voice uneasily trailed off. “I was hoping… praying that he would do the right thing so I wouldn’t have to. It seems he did.”

“So what do you intend to do now? You’re going to let Baekho and Jason get off free?” I asked. Part of me was surprised by his decision, but then again, part of me wasn’t. For the while that I had known him, JR had never struck me as the type that would actively seek vengeance on those that had wronged him. There had been so many that had in his lifetime. At any moment he could have taken advantage of his earnings and power that came from House of Kim and attacked any of the people that had slandered his name and so on. But he never did. Even that time when Aron had said all of those horrible things about him, thinking that he hadn’t heard, JR forced a smile on his face and let it go. I kept thinking back to what Baekho had told me, that forgiving wasn’t really forgetting but allowing yourself the freedom to move on. It was clear that it had been much harder on JR to move on after years of being bullied and made fun of by children and adults. But it was also clear that by his decision not to do anything, instead focusing on himself, he was that much stronger and wiser than everyone else.

“It’s none of my concern what they do from now on. I won’t touch them. I have other things that require my focus and attention.” JR replied. I tightly squeezed my hands into fists down on my lap.

“Am I… one of those things…?” I quietly asked, looking away from him and keeping my gaze down. I was too afraid of seeing his expression in the case that I wasn’t.

“After all that I’ve done for you, can you still not understand my heart?” JR painfully asked me, fully turning back around to face me and standing directly by my side. I hesitated for a moment before glancing up at him.

“All I want is for you to say it.” My voice started to shake as I spoke. “Say it just once, just for me how it is you really feel-” I said, not expecting him to say what was really in his heart or mind like old times when suddenly he cut me off, surprising me.

“I love you, Ren.”

I froze in my seat. “W-w-what?” I asked, believing I had heard wrong or was just imagining things. JR slowly reached down for my hands in my lap and took them in his, raising me up to my feet and pulling me into his chest. My face was flushed and my heart was racing. I turned my head away from him and rested it on his shoulder so that I could avoid making eye contact with him as he wrapped his arms around my back.

“I wasn’t able to say it before, but now I am. I love you and there isn’t anything I won’t do to keep you at my side. I’m done running… so please, don’t try to run away from me again. Just… please… say you’ll forgive me… I don’t ever want to be apart from you again.” JR’s voice trembled. Without further words I reached forward and wrapped my arms around his waist, tightly returning his embrace. As he felt my arms around him JR started to cry.

“I don’t ever want to either.” I whispered over to him, hugging and squeezing him tighter. “… Is it possible?”

“Is what possible?” I felt JR suddenly tense up in my arms.

“Me… being a part of your world.” I sadly replied, knowing full and well the taboo behind dating a designer. In fact it had been one of the factors that made me hesitant from going to Baekho back when I was led to believe that he was the real Mr. Kim. Would I be able to keep up, or would I end up dragging his image and reputation down? I didn’t want to damage his career. I wouldn’t know how to live with myself if I did. JR placed both of his hands on my shoulders and slightly pulled me away from him. Once we were apart he took my chin with his right hand and tilted my head up.

“I’ve wanted to live in the same world as you for a long time now… I promise you that I’ll do whatever I can to make sure it’s possible.” He replied, making tears fill up in the corners of my eyes and my heart race. I leaned forward and buried my face into his chest.

“I waited so long for you… I gave up on you at one point… You idiot… Who told you to take so long?” I started to cry. “It’s your fault we fell apart!”

“I know. I’m a coward.” He sadly replied then sniffled. I shook my head.

“No. We’re both cowards. We’re both fragile and imperfect. Before learning of what you and Baekho sacrificed just to keep me on the runway I had been contemplating quitting modeling altogether. I really, really wanted to quit. I’m sorry, JR.” I confessed and apologized in tears. JR pulled me away from him once again.

“Do you still want to quit?” He asked me, trying to recompose himself. I shook my head again.

“No.” I replied, making my mind up. “I was scared and lost sight momentarily, but… Jason saw something in me, you and Baekho both saw something in me… I’m always the last to see things for what they are. And I know that if I don’t stick with it, I might never see it. It was my dream to model. I’m going to see through it until the end. Even though I’m a free agent right now, I’m not going to lose hope. When I get back to Seoul I’ll start looking for a new management company or another designer. It’s because of everyone that believed in me that I saw the light again.” I gratefully said to him. JR paused.

“Do you want to work for me?” He hopefully asked. Now it was my turn to pause.

“What?” I furrowed my brows in confusion. Work for JR, the real Mr. Kim?

“You have modeling experience now. If you wanted to, you could sign on to LOTUS Designs and-” He started to go on but I cut him off.

“No.” I flat out refused and received a surprised, slightly hurt look from JR in return. “I can’t.” I replied.

“… Why not?” He sadly asked.

“I have to do this on my own.” I replied. “Ever since signing on with JA Style, I’ve received nothing but free perks from him and House of Kim. I know this might sound selfish, but I have to see if I can make it as a model on my own without anyone else’s help.” JR’s hurt expression seemed to lessen as I explained myself.

“That doesn’t sound selfish at all.” He replied with a small smile on his lips.

“And then… maybe once I’ve made it as a notable model like Dambi-noona, I can take you up on that offer…?” I sheepishly asked. JR’s small smile grew into an even bigger one. He proudly nodded.

“I’d like that. There will always be a spot for you in my company. After all, you’re the one that inspired it.” He replied, catching me off guard. I stared at him with wide eyes.

“What…?” I nearly stuttered. JR chuckled.

“You mean you didn’t know?” He asked, sounding more surprised than I did. I shook my head. JR placed both of his hands on his hips and gave me an amused grin. “Can I ask you something?”

“Um, ok.” I replied, not knowing where he was headed with this.

“How did you decide on the stage name ‘Ren’?” He asked me. I shrugged.

“I heard it in a movie and I thought it sounded unique.” I honestly replied. JR’s eyes grew as wide as plates before he suddenly burst out into a fit of laughter. I uncomfortably stared at him for a moment, wondering which part of what I had said was so funny. When he finally calmed himself he spoke up.

“In Japanese, ‘ren’ is another word for ‘lotus.’” JR explained. My eyes lit up and I gasped.

“That’s what you meant-” I slapped myself in the face. “Oh my god, JR, really? You named your company after me?” I asked, turning bright red. I couldn’t believe him. At first I thought he was joking, but judging by his informational tone it was obvious he wasn’t. When he gauged my awkward reaction his shy mannerisms quickly returned.

“Is it embarrassing?” JR nervously asked back. I wildly shook my head in response then started fanning myself. If there was anything I was embarrassed about right now, it was my lack of education about the meaning behind the stage name I had chosen.

“I’m having a fanboy moment right now.” I shamefully admitted. I absolutely LOVED the idea that he had taken inspiration for his company’s name from me. This was almost like a dream come true – too cool to be real. A real, accomplished designer was taking the inspiration for their new company from someone like me. Needless to say I was beyond touched. JR laughed.

“Fanboy?”

“You know that I’m your biggest fan, Mr. Kim!” I . Now it was JR’s turn to blush. He brought both hands up and covered his face, quickly turning his back towards me. I wrapped my arms around him from behind and cutely pressed my chin against his back. I felt JR’s hands sweep across mine and cover them. He firmly squeezed them.

“From now on I’ll be called designer Kim Jonghyun… Is it strange?” He asked me. It seemed like he was still having a hard time adjusting to the idea about finally stepping out into the world and taking credit for his own designs.

“Not at all. It suits you.” I encouraged him. I nuzzled the side of my face against his back. My thoughts returned back to mere seconds ago when he confessed that he loved me. My cheeks grew warm with a faint tint of red as fuzzy feelings started to rise and build within me. The three words that I had wanted to hear from him for so long… he finally, actually said them. JR really had changed during the months that we had been apart. Although he was still shy, he seemed more confident in himself. No longer did he choose to hide his words – he had discovered his voice and he was finally using it not only to stand up for himself, but to express the feelings he had such a difficult time sharing before in the past. When at first I was scared about the aspect of JR being different from how I once remembered him, now I was realizing that him changing wasn’t exactly a bad thing. JR didn’t seem as timid and quiet, crushed underneath the weight of his anxiety anymore. He looked relaxed and… free. The two of us stood with my arms wrapped around him for several minutes, just enjoying the comfort of one another’s touch when finally JR broke the silence.

“I missed you so damn much…” His voice grew emotional and trailed off as he whispered. “The times we used to talk late at night on the phone, the times you forced me out of my comfort zone and took me outside just to have fun, the drunken mishaps… I missed them all.” He said, reminding me of all the good and even awkward times we used to have before he disappeared on me. It wasn’t until now after he finally explained to me everything that had happened and his reasoning behind doing what he did that I understood it. It was still difficult to wrap my mind around it though. Just because I understood it didn’t mean that I didn’t have a hard time accepting it. The pain and hurt I went through during that time – it was real. Even still… I found myself wanting to forget about everything now if it meant actually being able to be together.

“I missed you too.” I whispered back to him. JR removed my arms from around him then turned around to face me. Without words he leaned forward and gently swept my lips up with his. Unable to resist him even after all of this time, I felt my eyes slide shut as I leaned into him and returned the kiss, pressing my lips harder against his. JR placed his hands on both sides of my waist and pulled me into him. In a fit of heated passion I raised my arms, linking them around his neck as I boldly parted his lips with my tongue and entered his mouth. Our tongues entwined and circled several times before JR pulled away, breaking off the kiss simply just to breathe. His inexperience was painfully evident but it didn’t matter to me. All that mattered was that it was him. JR suddenly looked embarrassed.

“Sorry… I don’t know what I’m doing.” He awkwardly confessed.

“Go with it. Follow your body.” I replied, not wanting to lose this moment with him. After all, wasn’t that what he did the last time he kissed me like this? I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wanted to do so much more but was afraid or didn’t know how to go about it. I unlinked my arms from around his neck and took his right hand in my left. “Where’s the bedroom?” I asked, subtly trying to help and encourage him. JR quietly stared at me.

“Are you sure…?” He asked, sounding somewhat afraid. I softly smiled at him and nodded.

“There’s nothing I’m more sure of.” I replied. JR slowly stepped forward, tugging me away from the table of untouched food and towards the direction of the bedroom door where he opened it and stepped inside. I paused once I entered, amazed by the floor length windows lining the front wall of the room, providing a romantic view of the nighttime Busan skyline. For a moment I became distracted from what we were supposed to be doing and I found myself just standing there, touched by the beautiful imagery. JR suddenly hugged me from behind, resting his chin on my right shoulder. He leaned into my ear and started to whisper.

“… Will you be mine?” He asked. I don’t know what it was that caused it but I felt tears start to form in the corners of my eyes as my mind processed his question. This was JR… JR was actually asking me this, at last. All of that time clinging on to the hope that he might someday return and being afraid of going to Baekho because it meant giving up on that hope… I almost regretfully didn’t make it. But Baekho had been right – the love I had for him was a different type of love after all. It was different from the love I had for JR. Standing here like this wrapped up in JR’s arms – I felt like I was flying. It was the strongest feeling in the world that I had ever felt. I didn’t want this moment with JR to ever end.

JR… no more running away from each other. From now on let’s stay together for as long as humanely possible.

I leaned my head to my right and whispered back to him. “I’m yours.”