JR’s POV

After hanging up the phone with Ren, I tiredly and blankly stared down at my phone in my palm. I blinked a few times before the conversation we just had finally hit me. Ren’s birthday would be coming in two days and he wanted to spend it with me. Not Baekho, but… me. A small smile slowly spread upon the corners of my lips. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt wanted. A birthday was a special day to most people. People usually tended to do something extra or out of the ordinary to celebrate. The fact that Ren wanted to spend it with me… well, it made me feel happy inside. But at the same time I felt conflicted about what to do with him. He said he wanted to just sit and watch movies with me, but even I knew that was something rather boring to do on a special day. Unless… Was it perhaps just an excuse? I paused. My heart slowly began to pick up pace and start racing. What were the chances of something possibly happening between us while watching TV? Was that what Ren was hoping would happen? I wasn’t sure and had tried to ask him about it, but when I heard him repeat my question to me, I felt embarrassed and I withdrew my comment. If it was something that he wanted to happen… should I do it, even without really having a general idea of how to go about it?

Thinking about it, this wasn’t the first time Ren and I had made plans to just sit around and watch TV in favor of staying indoors instead of going out. Usually Ren made those accommodations out of consideration for me, knowing how I didn’t care much for going outside. Out of all of those times, nothing ever happened. We did exactly what we said we were going to do: watch TV. But that was before feelings developed between us. Now things felt somewhat different. Now I felt like he was expecting something more out of it, or at least out of me, and I wasn’t too confident in myself nor was I sure if I should do anything. I bit my bottom lip and worriedly glanced off to the side. I wasn’t sure if getting closer to Ren right now was the best thing to do. Last night- the hand kiss… it was something that had just sort of happened. I couldn’t control myself in the moment.

Being at the park last night with Ren, especially after I had thought that I had lost to Baekho… it wasn’t something I expected. I never thought to think that Ren would show up at my door when I failed to answer his phone calls. I had to admit that not only was I surprised to see him standing there outside, but I was moved when he told me the reason why. When Ren hadn’t answered my call, I had been quick to assume the worst, that he was with Baekho. I thought that even though Baekho had refused the dating rumors on national television and possibly even given up, that maybe Ren had been the one to move on. But it turned out not to be true and that he had been out with Minhyun and Aron, not Baekho, how I originally assumed. I had been so relieved to hear that was the case that I didn’t even mind that Ren reeked of alcohol. I was just happy to see him and happy that his feelings still hadn’t changed for me. But then when he continued to push about the relationship between us I began to grow weary. He was asking for an answer that I couldn’t seem to give him yet.

When we had gotten back to my apartment, I had sensed that my lack of response had upset him. At that moment, all I wanted to do was try to make him happy again and so I thoughtlessly kissed him. But it was also something I realized that I probably shouldn’t have done, knowing full and well that I still couldn’t go to him, at least not now. However, my action turned out to be enough to distract him and Ren seemed to leave my place with his head in the clouds. This kiss hadn’t been an intentional distraction- it just seemed to turn out that way. But I knew I couldn’t consider myself lucky yet. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that he wouldn’t ask about it the next time we met, or the next time after that. Ren would continue to ask and I couldn’t just keep distracting him because eventually he would catch on and become hurt. And I didn’t want to hurt him. During the time that we hadn’t seen each other, I had been determined with myself not to mislead him. I had asked him to wait, that much was true. The answer about going to him was never a ‘no,’ but more of a ‘when.’ But now, right when I was about to launch my new brand and put Jason in his place? It was too soon. The last thing I really wanted to do was ruin whatever shot I had left with Ren by becoming closer with him before it was time. The whole plan to tear down House of Kim and JA Style… it had all been for him, so that he wouldn’t get hurt. If Jason knew that I was trying to shut down House of Kim or fight back against him, he would have fired Ren on the spot before he even received the experience he needed to work as a successful model. I at least needed to succeed in tearing both companies down and becoming established once again as a credible designer before even thinking about revealing the truth to him about the real Mr. Kim. If I went to him any sooner, it would be starting the relationship off with a lie and I just couldn’t do that. That being said, I felt conflicted about spending time alone with Ren on his birthday like how he wanted. He wanted to sit at home and watch movies, which seemed to be the perfect scenario to lead up to something more. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to celebrate his birthday with him, I just wasn’t sure about the being alone with him part.

I dialed Dambi’s number and held the phone up to my ear. I needed help. I didn’t know whether I should just it up and just hang out with him at his place despite what may or may not happen or if I should just try to plan a more fun outing. The second part was laughable. Being someone who hardly ever went outside, knowing where to suddenly go would be another challenge in itself. Risking being alone with Ren was starting to sound a lot easier than trying to plan something else. Dambi was quick to answer her phone.

“Hey sweetie, what’s up? How you feeling?” Her concerned, almost motherly voice poured out from the speaker. I frowned. I wasn’t sure of how to answer her question. Physically, I felt fine after the IV drip from the hospital. Mentally? Not so great. I had so many unsure emotions flowing through me right now that just at the sound of her voice I found myself wanting to spill and tell her everything in hopes that she would make it all better like she usually did.

“Better.” I vaguely responded, opting out of telling her everything even though I wanted to. That was the reason I had called her, wasn’t it? To ask for her support or at least hear me out… but at the last minute I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to burden her with my problems.

“Well that’s good. I heard that Jason’s going to be in the hospital for three weeks and the other guy managed to buy you more time to work or relax. Which one are you doing so far? I’m hoping it’s the latter.”

“A bit of both…” I sheepishly replied like how a child would respond after being scolded.

“If you don’t relax soon, I’m going to go over there and knock you out myself, that way you don’t have a choice.” She darkly warned. I wanted to say that I was sure that she was kidding, but I had a feeling that she actually wasn’t.

“Noona, can I ask you something?” I nervously asked, trying to gather up the courage to get past my guilty conscious I felt when bothering her with something like this.

“Ok, shoot.”

“How did you celebrate your birthday this year?” I asked.

“My birthday? How else? I went to a bar and got drunk. Afterwards I went with a few of my girls to the skate park and had drunken skateboarding shenanigans.” She replied, reminding me of her secret hobby which she did with some of her friends from her past modeling career. It was something about herself that she had tried to keep out of the media for fear that the modeling industry might deem her too ‘boyish.’ Although she had been lucky enough to be blessed with feminine beauty, Dambi was the opposite most times than not. She rarely wore makeup at home or in her dance studio and she was always in workout gear. Whenever she had her public appearances though, she dressed up for the occasion but was somewhat like me, never fully feeling comfortable playing behind a charade. She had probably been too afraid to reveal this side of her out of fear of rejection. But behind closed doors she had her own group of friends that she identified with, ranging from the hair and makeup artists she worked with to the designer’s personal assistants. It usually wasn’t until late into the night a couple times a week that they met up at the skate park. I had gone to observe her a couple of times but it had never really been my thing.  

“That sounds… dangerous.” I replied.

“Oh yeah, it was! One of my girls wounded up falling and snapping her wrist. You should have seen that thing. It looked like that favorite anime character of yours- Luffy? Is that the one that had rubber arms? I’m not sure. Anyways, I ended up spending the rest of my birthday sitting in a hospital room with her.” She enthusiastically replied then paused. “Why are you suddenly asking me about my birthday?”

“I’m just trying to figure out what normal people do on their birthdays…” I shly admitted. Dambi laughed.

“Oh, sweetie, I’m not a normal person, but thanks though!” Dambi suddenly cut herself off mid-laugh. “Is Ren’s birthday coming up soon???” She excitedly asked. My eyes grew wide in a panic. How had she known?

“How did you- I mean-” I cut myself off, remembering that Ren had specifically told me not to tell anyone about it.

“Sweetie, who else’s birthday would it be? It’s neither yours nor mine. Pardon my French, but, duh.” She laughed at me, intentionally rubbing it in my face how obvious I had really been. “Ooh, what are you going to do to celebrate?”

“I don’t know… He said he doesn’t want it to be some big deal.”

“Well now you gotta do something special for him!” Dambi exclaimed. I blinked.

“I know, but what?”

“Ugh, you’re adorable, kid, but you’re so clueless. People say that all the time when they want them to throw them a surprise birthday party. They say ‘oh, it’s no big deal,’ but it’s a big deal! Ren was trying to drop hints! Thank god I’m around, or else you would have never gotten it on your own.”

“Um… I’m not sure if that’s really what he wants though-” I replied, remembering how down he had seemed about turning another year older. Something like a party would involve many people that Ren didn’t want knowing about his birthday. If I were to agree to something like that, I possibly ran the risk of Ren becoming upset with me.

“Nonsense! Let’s throw him a party! Come on, we can use my studio! We can tell him some lame excuse to get him down here and then when he shows up, bam! It’s a party! Come on, JR, it’ll be fun! I’ll invite the girls- they absolutely adore him. And let’s see, who else… is there anyone else he’s close to that you know of?”

“Well, I know there’s a few models at JA Style, but…” My voice trailed off, unsure. I was hesitant to go through with Dambi’s party plan, especially with those other models being none other than the people I felt most uncomfortable around, which were Minhyun and Aron. Asking them to come would require me physically asking one or both of them. Out of the two, Minhyun seemed the most tame to approach, however, he was the one I didn’t have a means of contacting with. The only one I knew how to contact without going through Ren’s assistance was Aron, whose address I had discovered the last time I had to drive him back home in Ren’s stead. Despite Aron’s apology about our rocky history in the past, I was still cautious about being around him. “This really doesn’t seem like what he wants. I think he just wanted to spend time alone with me-” My words were immediately interrupted by the high pitch squeal coming from the other end of the line.

“Oh my god, he said that?” She suddenly paused. “JR, I think this might be it then…”

“Might be what?” I nervously asked. Dambi laughed.

“What do you think it means?” She turned the question on me, forcing me to think. To be honest I had a feeling I knew what she was talking about. In fact, it was partly the reason why I had called her. I bit my bottom lip.

“I think I know, but… I don’t know…”

“Are you ready for something like that? Not to mention the moral question: would it be wise to? He told me that you asked him to wait. Poor thing, he must be starting to get anxious by now. You’ve really only got two options here: make a move like he wants now but risk hurting him later, or preserve the friendship and wait but risk losing him romantically. It sounds like a tough spot to be in… Do you know what you’re going to do?” She suddenly asked, hitting the nail right on the head by managing to guess what I wanted to talk about without me ever having to mention it.

“That’s why I’m hesitant to be alone with him.” I dejectedly replied. “I’m not ready. I’m not even sure of what I’m supposed to do, I’m just figuring it all out as I go. I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t want to lose him either…” My voice trailed off.

“How cute… your first love. Well I’d say in that case, the answer is right there in front of you. Throw the party.”

“But it might upset him. He really didn’t want people to know about his birthday and it really sounded like he wanted it to be just me and him…” I sullenly replied.

“But you’re not ready, sweetie. You should never do anything you’re not ready to do just because you’re afraid of letting others down. And if Ren really respects and adores you as much as I think he does, he’ll wait. He doesn’t seem like the type to pressure anyone. I’m 99% positive he’ll understand, so relax and just throw the party. You’ll be surrounded by friends so the two of you won’t have time to be alone. Problem solved. And if, by some chance you do change your mind about your decision, well, there’s always the option of going home with him after it ends. But that’s all it will be: an option. Like I said, I don’t think he’s going to force you.” I listened to her solve my problem for me. To be honest, it was a little strange. She had been my friend for all of these years but not once had romance ever been a topic the two of us discussed. I knew she had her fair share of relationships, but she never questioned my love life, or lack of one, nor did she ever bring hers up out of consideration for me. Now that I had an interest, it almost seemed as if she had been patiently waiting for this day that I would come to her for advice. Though it probably wasn’t quite what she expected, my love interest being another guy. To be honest, it hadn’t been what I expected either, but I wasn’t opposed to it. I was drawn to Ren because of who he was, not because of what he was. And Dambi never flinched or shuddered at the fact that it was Ren.

 “I’m surprised.”

“Eh?” She asked.

 “I was never worried about your acceptance… but even still I’m a bit surprised that there wasn’t the slightest bit of rejection from you over… well, you know.” I replied, touched by how much she seemed to care for me. Dambi chuckled.

“Hey, you accepted me, didn’t you?”

“But that’s… different. You’re just a tomboy. I’m…”

“It’s always scary being yourself in this world. But who’s to say one way of living isn’t right just because it’s different? Life is full of all kinds of experiences. It’s just… what you choose to do with them…” Her voice trailed off. She must have been thinking about the modeling contract that she would soon be signing with my new company.

“I believe you’re right.”

“Of course I am.” Dambi uncomfortably said then tried to change the subject for her own peace of mind. “Anyways, you leave it all up to me to do the planning. All you’ll have to do is show up, okay? When is it?”

“… The 3^rd.” I replied, finally giving in to her idea to throw Ren a party he didn’t want. Right now it was the only option I really had. I didn’t want to avoid Ren any more than I had to. Plus he had specifically asked for me to spend his birthday with him and I had already told him I would. I still wanted to at least attempt to make that day special for him even if it wasn’t quite the way he wanted.

“Alright! I’ll call you down to the studio on the 3^rd! Be ready to let loose and dance!”

“Wait, huh?” I asked, being drawn out from my thoughts. Dancing? In front of Ren? I started to turn red just imagining him staring and watching me. I wasn’t sure if I could handle that type of attention from him. Not to mention Dambi had already said that Nana, Lizzy, and Raina would all be there in attendance. Although I had finally had the courage to break the ice between us, I just couldn’t change my shy nature. It was true that I loved to dance… just not in front of people.

“Mmhm! You’re going to finally attend one of my dance classes again- at least, that’s the excuse you’re going to use to get him down there.”

“I don’t know about that-” I started to protest.

“JR, if you weren’t a designer, in another life you would have been one hell of a dancer. You have skill. You really shouldn’t hide that. Be confident, be proud! I’m sure it’s another side of you that Ren wouldn’t mind seeing.” She teased before quickly saying goodbye and hanging up, not giving me any other choice than to follow her plans. But… Ren seeing me was exactly what I was afraid of. What if I wasn’t as good as Dambi thought I was? The last thing I wanted to do was look like a fish flopping around out of water in front of him. This was so embarrassing. I tightly pursed my lips and climbed out of bed, leaving the bedroom and entering my bathroom where I flicked on the lights and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I attempted to try to fix the mess of uncombed bed hair but ended up giving up. Looking at myself now, I felt self-conscious. What was it that Ren liked so much about me that I actually ended up making someone like him feel flustered? I never thought that even in a million years that I would be able to have that effect on someone, let alone someone as beyond average like him. I was a simple guy who wore simple clothes, despite being responsible for House of Kim. The only thing that wasn’t simple about me was my hair, which even though I went through the trouble of bleaching it each month, I couldn’t be bothered to run a brush through it.

I frowned at myself in the mirror, not liking what it was that I saw. This wasn’t the image of someone who had made such an impact in the design industry. This was the image of a coward, of someone who was scared and never planned on stepping out into the public. Anxiety slowly started to rummage through my veins at the thought that once my new brand made its debut that I would have to finally step out into the spotlight and take credit for my designs for the first time in my life. Several things were riding on my big reveal. How would the fashion industry take it, especially here in Seoul where so many journalists, editors, designers, even models knew me as the slob that always showed up to all of the shows? Would I even be taken seriously, or would they continue to laugh and talk about me behind my back?

My ears suddenly twitched. In the faint distance I could hear it again- the sound of the school bell that haunted my thoughts and nightmares. My eyes grew wide in panic and I brought both hands over my ears to block it out. It had felt like it had been forever ago since I had my last anxiety attack. I crouched down to the bathroom floor and burrowed my face into my knees. Breathe… just breathe… Everything is going to be okay… Where were my headphones? I sat back up and crawled on my hands and knees back into my bedroom, frantically searching for them and finding them on my dresser across the room. As I reached for them I suddenly paused, recalling the last time I had used them was when Ren was here. When the memory of Ren holding me and placing them on over my ears returned to me, the constriction in my chest lessened, making it easier to breathe. I found my body start to calm down and relax itself. I dropped my hand back down to my side on the floor without taking the headphones and sat with my back pressed up against the dresser.

Ren… the thought of letting everyone see me for who I really am is intimidating. It’s a frightening concept. I’m so used to being shunned and made fun of just because of my quiet personality and the way that I look. Sometimes being different is scary. How can I possibly step out and expect anything different from them? The world loves my clothes without knowing that I’m associated to them. Will they still love them even when they learn that I am a ‘somebody’? And what about you? Will you be fine? I’m about to shut down the very fashion powerhouse and brand that you love. Maybe even during the process I might even be successful in knocking Jason down several notches. JA Style will suffer, as it always does whenever House of Kim returns with a new line. It’s possible you might be effected as well, not just by the economic issues JA Style will be faced with, but with you knowing that I’m not who you thought I was. I’m the real fashion designer you admire so much, not Baekho. But the world can never know that. In order for everyone to save face in this situation, I have to let the single biggest achievement of my life go and let somebody else take credit for it. When House of Kim crumbles, eventually Baekho will have to step down and fade away into oblivion. And who knows, maybe even Jason will leave Korea and return to China. Once the press dies down about the fall of House of Kim and JA Style, I want to tell you and only you the truth. But will you accept it? Will you stay patient with me long enough to reach that point?

 

 

The next day in the morning I quickly showered and got dressed with the intention of trying to catch the one person I felt extremely uncomfortable being around before he left his apartment for the day. I hesitated after stepping out of the shower, trying to decide what to wear. Ever since last night, I started thinking that maybe it was time for a change. I wanted to work on my self-confidence. If I wanted to appear confident when I revealed myself as a designer to the world, I needed to build it up now. And it all started with the clothes. Instead of opting for the comfort of one of my dozens of hoodies, I changed it up and pulled on a black long sleeve shirt that I had laying around from House of Kim several seasons ago. I tugged a pair of tight black skinny jeans and a black blazer, dangling a black corded cross necklace around my neck. I rummaged through the back depths of my closet to find a floppy black hat, after which I spent several minutes standing in front of the mirror trying to find the courage to actually put it on. Each time I raised it up above my head I pursed my lips together and pulled it away. I must have gone through the motion at least a dozen times before I realized I was wasting time. I tightly winced my eyes closed and finally pulled it on over my head. When I slowly opened my eyes I was actually surprised by how different I looked by a sudden change of style in clothes. It was different putting together outfits for different people versus myself. It was actually quite difficult. Even now I wasn’t sure of myself, but I had already spent too much time getting dressed and needed to get moving before it was too late.

As I was leaving the apartment, I stepped into a pair of rarely worn black leather vans before shutting and locking the door behind me. I left the building and stood on the side of the street, calling a taxi to take me to the address I had remembered from the last time. About fifteen minutes later I arrived out front of a completely different upscale apartment complex on the other side of town. When I walked into the lobby, I approached the front desk who had been reluctant to give me the right apartment number. After cleverly lying and self-loathingly saying that I was Jason’s assistant, the woman behind the desk finally gave me the information I needed and I rode the elevator up to the third floor where I stopped in front of room 306. I hesitated as I reached for the doorbell. Did I really want to see this person? Not really… but I needed his help. I sighed, reminding myself that this was all for Ren. I finally rang the doorbell. About a minute later the door finally swung open, revealing a brunette standing in the doorway and blankly staring at me.

“What the hell happened to you?” Aron bluntly asked, eyeing me from head to toe. I started to feel extremely self-conscious again. Right now I was fighting the urge not to turn back around and run and flee.

“W-What do you mean?” I asked, tilting my chin downward to avoid looking at him. Aron reached forward and touched the fabric of my shirt. He then glanced up at me and stared at me through narrowed eyes.

“You’re wearing designer… I can’t place the name right now, but it seems familiar…” His voice trailed off in thought. I suddenly found myself regretting my decision to wear something from my own line. Other than the samples I had left over from previous seasons, I didn’t have any nice clothes to wear. If he figured out which brand it was, would he be suspicious of me?

“A-Aren’t you even going to ask me why I’m here or how I even got here?” I nervously asked, trying to change the topic. I didn’t want to take that chance of him recognizing it. Aron shrugged.

“You flirted with the woman in the lobby?” Aron teased.

“H-H-Huh?” I stammered, being taken off guard by his statement.

“I’m joking. Do you even know how to flirt?” An amused grin spread across Aron’s lips. My face turned a bright shade of red.

“Why are you asking me this…?” I asked, feeling somewhat ashamed. Truthfully I had never really even tried, with an exception of kissing Ren’s hand, something which wasn’t planned. I couldn’t help but feel like a failure as a human being in life with the way Aron continued to stare and observe me just now.

“Color me curious. Man, I wonder what that would look like… Anyways, I guess I’ll bite. What do you want, Jr?”

“Actually it’s JR…” I awkwardly corrected him, making Aron pause.

“Like ‘J-R’? The actual English letters?” He asked with a fascinated look on his face. I frowned. Was he making fun of me again?

“You know this… This isn’t the first time you’ve met me…” I uncomfortably replied. Aron laughed.

“Hey, man, relax! I’m just kidding with you! Man, you’re so uptight.” He joked, folding his arms across his chest. Despite the fact that he seemed to be at ease around me, the same couldn’t be said back towards him. Even just being here made me feel small and insignificant.

“I’m not uptight…” I feebly replied. Because Aron was Jason’s model, and I had attended all of the shows, naturally I had several run-ins with him and it seemed each one had been less friendly than the last. After all the horrible encounters I had with this man, it was only natural that I had come to fear being around him, even despite the fact that Ren had accepted his friendship. But if someone like Ren had accepted him, maybe he wasn’t that bad. I remembered how thankful he had been towards me when I had helped drive him back home that one day he had drunk too much. He had even so much as apologized for all of those times where he had been spiteful to me. But first impressions were hard to change about someone.

“Could have fooled me.” Aron responded. I finally glanced up and glared at him. A person could only take so many ‘jokes’ or ‘kids,’ as Aron called them, at their own expense. I hadn’t come here to be made fun of or bullied. I had come here on a mission which required Aron’s help. If he wasn’t going to help but instead ridicule me, then I was wasting my time here.

“Can you blame me for being that way around you?” I couldn’t suppress it like how I usually did whenever someone talked down to me. Aron paused. A startled look spread over his face, as if shocked that I had finally stood up for myself for the first time in front of him.

“I thought I apologized…” His voice trailed off, sounding confused. A troubled look spread across his face, his previous smiling and joking expression gone now.

“Do you think one apology can make up for all of those years you tormented me? And for what reason? Because you thought it was fun?” I froze after saying all of this to him, surprised at myself. Where had all of this courage come from recently? Was it the clothes that gave me a boost of confidence today? Or was it from all of this planning I was doing to get justice and get even with Jason that had given me strength lately?

“No…” Aron said, growing serious. “I don’t think it can… But come on, I thought we cleared this up last time. We’re cool now, aren’t we?” He paused and stared at me in silence for a few seconds. “Is this the reason why you came to see me?” He asked, visibly upset as if he regretted his past actions. I shook my head.

“No, this wasn’t my intention. I came here for something else completely.”

“Then what?” He asked. I pursed my lips.

“I’m here for Ren.” I finally admitted. Aron furrowed his brows and gave me a strange look.

“Ren’s not here.” Aron replied defensively.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what do you mean?” He started to grow irritated with me.

“…I’m touched… that you apologized and that you want to be close... But forgive me if I can’t exactly trust you just yet, even if you are Ren’s friend. The last time I got close to someone who claimed they were my friend, I got hurt really badly… I don’t want to go through that again, especially for someone like you who’s trashed and degraded me repeatedly in the past… I’m sorry, but I’m not sure I like you, at least not yet.” I replied, almost instantly regretting that last part that just seemed to slip. It was a thought that wasn’t supposed to escape my lips, but now that it had there was no taking it back. A hurt, offended look spread across Aron’s face.

“Wow. Now I feel like crap. Thanks a lot.” He started to reach for the door and close it when I quickly grabbed it and held it open. Aron silently glared at me.

“I need your help.” I regretfully replied. He scoffed.

“I know you’re pretty new at this whole ‘being social’ business, but when you ask other people for help, maybe save the insulting part for later?” He sourly replied.

“I’ll make it quick then. He made me promise not to tell anyone, but… Ren’s birthday is tomorrow. Dambi wants to throw him a surprise party at her dance studio and since you’re his friend, it would probably mean a lot if you were to show up with Minhyun and a few of the other models he is close to.” I explained. Aron paused and raised a brow.

“Did you say… Dambi? As in ex-supermodel Son Dambi?” He sheepishly asked. His body language said that he still wanted to be mad at me while his behavior said another. I slowly nodded. Aron pursed his lips together and thought quietly to himself for a moment. “I don’t know…” He replied, playing hard to get with me. I observed him. From the look on his face since I mentioned her name, it was obvious that he seemed to admire Dambi.

“Do you perhaps… want me to properly introduce you and Minhyun to her?” I asked. Aron’s eyes grew wide with excitement.

“Oh my god, yes- I mean, yeah, sure, no big deal. It’s whatever. I mean, if you want to introduce us, that’d be great.” He replied, grinning from ear to ear.

“Will you guys show up with the other models then?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. We’ll take care of it. No worries.” Aron replied, forgetting all about the previous insult that I had just dealt his way. Him forgetting didn’t make me feel any less horrible for having done it, but I sensed that he really wanted to meet Dambi, so I figured that by introducing them it would be a subtler way of apologizing.

“But I need you and everyone else to be secretive about it. Ren can’t know about this. Also… keep this a secret from Mr. Kim.” I awkwardly replied. This was my first real attempt at trying to do something fun and special for Ren. Coming up with the idea was stressful enough, not to mention actually going through with it with so many people around. I was stepping out of my comfort zone by agreeing to not only throw, but attend a social gathering. I didn’t need the added pressure or stress of having to deal with Baekho possibly showing up. I had understood by the press conference he held the other day on TV when he denied any involvement with Ren that he had stepped out and backed off in pursuing him any further. But Ren clearly admired Baekho… and I was afraid of that admiration growing into something more, even if he was currently still smitten with me. The chance was still there, and that’s what frightened me. If I could prevent it from happening any way I could, I would.

“Hide it from Mr. Kim? Hmm…” His voice trailed off for a moment. He didn’t have to think for long before coming into agreement with me. “Eh, Min doesn’t like him anyways. Keeping those two apart is probably for the best if you want the party to run smoothly. I won’t snitch.” He reassured me. I instantly felt relieved that he didn’t question the reason why I didn’t want for Baekho to know.

“That’d be great, thank you.” I replied, about to take my leave when Aron suddenly stopped me.

“You know, I’m surprised.” He said, grabbing my attention. I turned back around to face him.

“Surprised?”

“By how much you’ve seemed to have changed lately.” He replied, eyeing my entire outfit before looking up at me again. “It’s not just the clothes. You stood up to me today. It probably took a lot of guts to do that, huh?”

“Um… yeah, I guess so…” I nervously replied. Aron smiled.

“And I mean, it’s not as if I didn’t deserve any of those things you said to me either. I get it. Sorry I got kind of worked up there. It’s not easy hearing about the bad parts of you from other people, even if you acknowledge them to be true.” He replied. I gave him a surprised look.

“So how do you… how do you get over it so easily?” I curiously asked for any possible advice for the future. I knew the day would come when I finally stepped forward as a designer. In order to prevent myself from getting hurt deeply then, I wanted to learn how to properly deal with it now. Aron simply shrugged.

“I just let it go.”

“That’s it?”

“Yep. That’s it. When you learn to let go, things just don’t bother you as much anymore. Look, I don’t blame you for not liking me. I did some really ty stuff to both you and Ren. Honestly, I’m surprised he even forgave me and wanted to be my friend. But you know what? I wanna change. You’re close with Ren, I’m close with Ren; why can’t we be close? There’s no reason not to be. So what do you say? Want to let bygones be bygones?”

I hesitated. “It’s easier said than done…” My voice trailed off. “…but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to try… little by little. I have a lot I need to work on about myself and I still have a lot of room to grow. But I’m working on it.”

“It shows.” Aron replied, grinning. I gave him a surprised look in return. He folded his arms across his chest again. “And that’s coming from a bastard you don’t even like. Just sayin.” He joked. My eyes grew wide.

“I’m sorry… for saying that… I mean, you’re trying. And you’re right. We’re both close with Ren. I approached you for help even with our… ‘history’ together rather than Minhyun because I barely even know him.”

“Heh. Min is kind of intimidating, isn’t he?”

“Truthfully, both of you are.”

“Score.” Aron joked again. “Anyways, why doesn’t Ren want anyone to know it’s his birthday?” He curiously asked. I frowned.

“He said it’s a curse.” I replied and was met by an all-too-knowing look from Aron in response, like he understood where Ren was coming from. I supposed birthdays were something all models dealt with in a horrible way. Most of them entered the industry in their early teens and left mid-twenties. Not all of them, but most of them were given expiration dates. And Ren was already reaching the mid-twenties mark. It was a no wonder why he felt the way he did. But he also failed to take into account that he was exotic and what professionals would label as one-of-a-kind in the modeling industry. “But all in all, he said he just didn’t want it to be some big deal.”

“Hmm… I wonder though…” Aron brought his right thumb up to his chin and started rubbing it. “If he didn’t want anyone to know, then why did he tell you of all people?” Has asked accusingly. I uncomfortably took a step backwards and awkwardly cleared my throat.

“I-I wonder.” I kept my gaze away from him but Aron leaned forward and purposely got in front of my face, forcing me to look at him.

“There’s a story here… that much is certain.” He replied. I shook my head.

“There’s no story.” I lied to him. Aron stared at me for a moment in silence. A determined smirk slowly spread across his lips.

“Hey, whatever you say, man. You have a phone?” Aron asked. I quietly dug into my pocket and took it out. Aron immediately reached for it and grabbed it, turning it on and pausing at my lock screen. He glanced up at me, signaling me to unlock it. I quickly tapped in my passcode then watched as Aron added his number in my personal contacts list before handing it back over to me. “Text me the time and the place and we’ll all be there.”

“That would be great, thanks.” I replied, slightly bowing towards him. Aron suddenly pointed at me with his index finger, pointing at my hat and my shoes.

“And not bad… keep it up. It’s impressive.” Aron complemented my clothes for the first time since I had known him. A look of shock spread over my face before I smiled at him and bowed again. Aron smirked before waving and disappearing back into his apartment, closing the door behind him. As I took the elevator back down to the lobby, it suddenly felt as if one of the biggest burdens bothering me in life right now had been lifted from my shoulders. At one time Aron had been considered my enemy. He was one of the people that went out of their way at the fashion shows to mock me for simply being me. Never did I expect the day that he would do a 180 and actually compliment me or better yet, actually be nice to me. I didn’t think he had it in him. It was a surprising but not unwanted change.

I left the lobby of his apartment complex and stepped out into the street, looking around my general location to see if I could spot a nearby taxi. When I didn’t find one, I shrugged then started walking down the street to find the nearest bus stop. As I walked, I thought back to the long conversation I had just had with Aron. I had just witnessed him take my somewhat harsh words and become perturbed by them but then quickly, as he said it, let it all go. It made me realize that even people like Aron occasionally had people say bad things about him, and like most people, he got hurt. But he moved on. And it made me wonder: if Aron could deal with it and still do what he loved, couldn’t I?

 

 

Baekho’s POV

“I really enjoyed your company today, Ren.” I replied after just arriving back from the evening I had spent with him back at my house, the only place that had been approved where I could spend time with him. And to be honest, we hadn’t done much. It was nothing out of the ordinary, just a simple meal together and then back to the parking garage next to JA Style. But I enjoyed the time spent with him, however brief it was. All the talking we did just seemed to flow so naturally and I felt like we both learned quite a bit about each other. Or at least, that’s how it seemed to me. It was impossible to tell with someone else if they shared the same experience. Ren was still uncomfortable calling me by my first name, making me wonder if the time spent with me was awkward for him. I had known that by dragging him out to my place first without telling him where we were going had been somewhat alarming for him, but once I explained everything to him he seemed to relax and settle down. Or maybe I was just being too hopeful? Ren had that type of personality that he wouldn’t want to purposely hurt someone else’s feelings. It was possible that I had weirded him out and he was only trying to be polite. I stared at Ren with my hand still on his shoulder. Which experience had it been for him? Enjoyable, or strange? I watched as he stared back at me. His heart shaped lips slowly parted as he prepared himself to speak.

“Me too.” He finally admitted. A wave of relief washed right through me, at least temporarily, that is. A second thought struck me. If we both seemed to have a good time, it wouldn’t make sense if we didn’t do it again. Actually, this was just me being practical. In reality, I was just buying time. I hated to see him go. I wanted to spend more time with him. But was the feeling mutual? The only way to know would be to ask… I felt my heart start racing at just the thought. What if he said no? He had already told me many times that he wouldn’t risk our professional relationship for a romantic one. I was the only one not listening. But right now Ren understood that we were friends, and that’s all it was: I was just a friend asking another friend to hang out. Only I had other motives in this relationship, it almost seemed. But if I could change the way he looked at me even once, that’s all I would need to convince him to change both his feelings and mind about me.

“With your approval… could we possibly do it again soon?” I cautiously asked, trying to seem like the cool and collected designer he admired on the outside while on the inside both my heart and mind were racing. A surprised look spread across Ren’s face before being replaced with a big smile. He nodded at me.

“Yeah, sure!” Ren cheerfully replied and slid out from underneath my hand and out of the car, probably not fully understanding the weight of the question I had just asked him. He gently shut the door as to not damage the car before waving goodbye and sneaking back outside of the parking garage. Once he was gone I remained sitting in place inside of my parked car, blankly staring down at the steering wheel. This was the right way of doing it, wasn’t it? By trying to gain his trust and friendship? It was also a slow way of trying to get Ren to fall for me, but as cliché as it sounded, weren’t good things worth waiting for? I didn’t want to rush it, nor did I want to resort to using my authority as Mr. Kim to try to woo him towards me, even though he denied it, I was certain that it would work on him. Ren seemed to have a thing for famous people and celebrities- at least that’s what I had picked up on so far. To him, they lived on some faraway, untouchable planet. But I didn’t want to abuse that knowledge. That was something that I would probably end up hating myself if I used on him. No, the slow way is the best way. Ren was worth it.

 

 

The next afternoon I briefly met with Jason at his unnecessarily guarded room in the hospital. He had contacted me the previous night asking for me to bring him several things from his office back at JA Style for him to work on to help pass the boredom while he was on bedrest. Although I hated being his personal assistant, I wasn’t exactly in the position to refuse his orders. I went to his office, gathered what he had asked for, then took them to the hospital with me. When I walked into his room, he was sitting up in bed and lifelessly staring across the room in sort of an empty daze that he didn’t seem to snap out of until I tossed a bag onto his bed. He must have jumped at least a foot up into the air before landing back down on the bed. He forced an irritated smile on his lips then looked inside of the bag. As he started shifting through its contents I stared down at him in wonder.

“You seem unusually collected.” I replied, wanting to know the meaning behind that vacant stare of his. Jason briefly paused before slowly glancing up at me.

“When you’re alone by yourself for most of the day without any distractions, you tend to think.”

“About?” I cautiously asked. I had already learned by now that Jason thinking was a bad thing. The things he thought about these days were rarely ever good and were more likely to be plans to undermine JR further.

“What business is that of yours?” Jason crudely snapped, turning away from me and shifting his attention downward at the bag.

“I was just asking. Forget it. Be that way.” I replied. I wasn’t going to push him further. If he wanted to talk, he’d talk. To be honest, I had forgotten that I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible anyways, so him not talking actually did me a favor. When I failed to ask any further, Jason huffed, seeming somewhat irritated that I had lost interest in the subject.

“You don’t even like me, so why even ask?”

“Since when do you care if someone likes you or not? It’s never stopped you before from making the ty decisions that you make.”

“It’s easier to say you don’t care even when you do.” Jason suddenly murmured, stilling looking downwards. His response somewhat startled me. It was rather deep, especially coming from someone like him, not to mention eye opening. Who would have thought that he had the capability to actually feel feelings? Jason continued. “That way people get off your back easier.”

I sighed. “You’re really bumming me out right now.”

“I’m… worried.” He finally admitted. I folded my arms across my chest and tilted my head to the side.

“You? Worried? About what?”

“It’s been too quiet.” Jason slowly replied, seeming troubled. “Have you heard from JR recently?” He surprisingly asked. I awkwardly took a step back and shook my head, trying to hide the fact that I had talked to him. Our conversation had been a personal one though, and not something Jason needed to know about.

“Not really. You’re worried about the silence? Come on, this is JR. Isn’t that the norm for him? Besides, I can’t exactly imagine that you’re one of the top people on his list that he’s dying to talk to anymore.” I lied to him. Jason frowned.

“Something just doesn’t feel right lately… it’s almost like the calm before a storm. I don’t know how else to describe it, other than that I don’t like it.”

“You’re going to have to be a bit more specific than that.” I replied. Jason suddenly shook his head.

“Never mind. Forget it. Let’s move on. Soon we’ll have to announce the lineup to the models. Since I’m stuck here, you’ll have to make the announcement in my place. As you know, the last three models to walk the runway are the most important. They showcase the highlights of the line, or in other words, the three best outfits.”

“And?”

“The designs have already been sketched out and assigned to each model and the outfits are in the production phase. I haven’t discussed it with JR, but I’m going with my normal lineup with Minhyun as the Top Model and Aron in first lead. My last show was my first time using Ren as a second lead, but I’m considering bumping him up to first.”

“And not Top Model?” I asked, somewhat surprised that the idea didn’t even seem to cross Jason’s mind. Ren was gorgeous. There wasn’t a doubt about it that he would do well to represent the clothes. It didn’t make sense for Jason to have such a powerful weapon as Ren and not put him to good use, at least in my honest opinion. Jason dryly laughed at my idea.

“God no. Ren is still inexperienced. He’s not ready for such an honor just yet.”

“And what determines whether a model is ready or not?” I asked, feeling unknowledgeable on the topic at hand.

“The amount of shows underneath one’s belt.” Jason simply replied then sighed. “Trust me, I’m waiting impatiently for the day I can finally use him too. He’s just not there yet.” He sourly replied. By the tone of his voice I could tell that he really did want to bump Ren up to Top Model, a status which belonged to Minhyun at the moment.

“So it’s Minhyun as the Top Model, followed by Ren in first and Aron in second?” I asked, making sure I was hearing him correctly. Jason reluctantly nodded. I hesitated. “I can’t imagine it’ll sit well with Aron, being knocked down a spot.”

“God, there’ll be endless ing from him for days… But this is an important collaboration. Bumping Ren up to first lead will gain him more experience, but more importantly, he’ll gain me more attention. When I used him in his first show, my phone didn’t stop ringing for days. The fashion world loves Ren. I admit, taking him on was a risk factor that no company wanted the deal with due to his sheer amount of clumsiness, but it was by far the best decision I’ve ever made up until this point. He’s only improved.” Jason revealed a side of Ren that I hadn’t known about until now. I understood and could see the clumsiness Jason spoke of, but I hadn’t known about the other part. How many times had Ren auditioned and attended casting calls only to be turned down? And why was it that only Jason could see the type of gem Ren was? Maybe experience really was everything in this industry. But even still… out of the top three models, wasn’t Aron by far the most experienced due to his age? Both Minhyun and Aron’s looks were about on par with one another’s. The only advantage that Minhyun seemed to have over him was his height and his grace on stage.

“And you’ve never thought of bumping up Aron?” I asked. Jason briefly paused before looking up at me from his bed with a strange expression on his face.

“Aron?” Apparently I was right. The thought never had occurred to him after all. I unfolded my arms and took a seat in the chair next to his bedside.

“To be honest, I don’t understand why you’ve never thought to move him up rather than down a spot. I’ve seen the two of them practice at the studio. Lately it seems as if Minhyun has been slacking.”

“Minhyun? Slacking? Never.” Jason refused to believe me.

“Well if he’s not slacking, then Aron must be working harder at it.”

“Of course he’s working harder at it. I’ve already had a talk with him. He’s to shape up or get out. He’s close to passing his expiration date anyways…” Jason suddenly laughed. “Oh, I see what’s going on now. I thought it was strange you were pushing Aron on me. You must not be getting along well with Minhyun, I assume?” He cleverly called me out.

“Minhyun constantly challenges my authority and disrespects me in front of all of the other models.”

“So because of your petty catfight with Minhyun, you’re asking me to put Aron in his place as my new Top Model?” Jason asked in amazement before laughing and shaking his head in disagreement. “No way. Although handsome, Aron is short. He doesn’t meet the typical criteria for a Top Model. I’d never make him my Top Model. Never!” He continued to laugh.

“Does he know that?” I asked. None of this information was sitting well with me. Jason finally stopped laughing and scoffed.

“Why should he? You said it yourself: he’s finally working hard. I don’t need him to be losing that motivation.” Jason cruelly responded, showcasing a whole new level of low for himself.

“Don’t you feel as if you’re cheating him?”

Jason carelessly shrugged. “Where else would he go, if not for me? Both of them, for that matter. Minhyun and Aron are only here with me because nobody else will take them after their diva-like behavior. Word travels quick about rotten models inside of the industry. I could tell him, sure. But then there’s little will to continue to work hard for something he’ll never achieve. Or maybe he’d even quit and then fade away into nothingness. At least he’s content right now. Don’t you think I’m actually doing him a favor by giving him false hopes?”

“The opposite; I think you’re destroying him without him even knowing it.”

“Tcht. What do you know?”

“Enough about being a decent human being.”  

“Well lucky you. You’re not here to think, you’re here to play a part.” Jason snapped.

“Don’t remind me.”

“If I don’t, you might grow wings and fly too far away from me. I can’t have you where I can’t see you. Even though you’re hopeless, you still hold far too much power in your hands than you know because of who you’re pretending to be.”

“Hopeless?” I felt anger start to boil through my veins. I stood back up. I had just about reached my limits of tolerance for Jason for today. If I stayed any much longer I had a feeling that Jason might end up with a black eye. The last thing I needed right now was assault charges on my record. “You might want to watch who you call ‘hopeless,’ at least while you’re stuck in here.” I warned. “Have fun on your pedestal. Call me only if you need me.” I replied, turning my back to him and leaving his room.

I stepped past the guards standing in the hallway and rolled my eyes before exiting the hospital. I waited patiently outside for the valet service to bring me back my car. Once it arrived I climbed inside and slowly drove off down the street. As I was approaching a traffic light I spotted someone who I thought looked familiar. From the back I spotted a blonde dressed from head to toe in black wearing a big floppy hat. Was that… no, it couldn’t be. JR didn’t dress up. I continued to watch as the blonde walked up to the bus station further up ahead and stopped, scrolling through his phone as he waited. I changed lanes and pulled up on the side of the road in front of him. I lightly honked the horn and rolled the darkly tinted windows down just enough to where he could see me. JR glanced up from his phone and furrowed his brows in confusion as he recognized the car. He took a few steps forward and peered in through the cracked window.

“Mr. Kim?” He purposely called me by my persona title, fully recognizing that we were both out in a public setting.

“It’s surprising to see you out. Were you going somewhere?” I asked him. JR hesitantly looked at me.

“Home.”

“Get in. We need to talk.” I replied. JR’s eyes suddenly grew wide before he turned his head to the side and looked away. He shook his head.

“I apologize, but there’s nothing I need to talk to you about, Mr. Kim.”

“But I do. Get in.” I insisted.

“I’m busy.” JR continued to protest. Suddenly the city bus pulled up behind me and honked its loud horn at me, signaling for me to move out from its spot in front of the station. JR noticeably jumped several feet in the air, startled.

“I’m not moving until you get in.” I replied. A panicked, conflicted look spread across JR’s face. The bus continued to impatiently honk at us. Finally JR reached for the door handle and pulled it open, quickly climbing inside after having no other choice. I nonchalantly waved at the bus driver in my rearview mirror only to get flipped off in return as I drove away. I smirked but remained silent. JR awkwardly kept his gaze down into his lap as I continued to drive.

“What do you want? Like I said… I really don’t have anything to say to you.”

“Have you been resting since the news broke out about Jason being hospitalized for three weeks?” I asked. JR kept his gaze downward.

“Off and on.”

“Good. At least it wasn’t for nothing then.” I vaguely responded. JR finally looked up straight and glanced at me through the corner of his eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“I managed to convince him to give you a break. You clearly needed one the last time we spoke together on the phone.”

“Do you want me to thank you?” He darkly asked, looking away from me. I sighed.

“You’re making me out to be the bad guy here, JR, when clearly I told you to turn me in. I’m not here to make enemies with you. You’re the one that hired me to play you, that’s why I’m here. I hate Jason just about as much as you do.”

JR finally turned his head and looked at me in disbelief. “…I seriously doubt that.” He replied. I sighed again.

“Clearly we need to sit down and talk. Do you have time?” I asked him. JR quietly shrugged in his seat and looked away. I abruptly pulled the car off to the side of the road again in front of a small coffee shop. I unlocked the doors and climbed out. JR was slow to follow after me into the nearly empty shop where we both took a seat at a table next to the large front window. The waitress came and quickly took our order before disappearing and returning with two coffees. The two of us thanked her and she left us alone. JR blankly stared into his coffee while waiting for me to say whatever it was I had to say. “I’m on your side, JR.”

“…My side?”

“Why do you think I even asked-” I had to stop myself from talking about Ren in front of him. After giving me the go-ahead to pursue someone that had possibly been romantically linked to him, I doubt this was what he wanted to talk about. JR quickly glanced up at me as I almost brought it up. I purposely changed the subject. “Jason’s an arrogant . Do you think I enjoy listening to him? If I had to choose between listening to you and him, I’d choose you.”

JR stared at me. “…I’m not the person you need to be listening to.”

“Of course you are; what about House of Kim?” I asked. A solemn look flashed across JR’s sullen face.

“House of Kim is no longer my concern. It’s whatever Jason wants of it.”

“Do you mean… you’re giving up?” I asked, stunned that he would let go so easily without fighting back. JR picked up his coffee mug and calmly took a sip. I waited as he set it back down on the table and finally spoke.

“It was like a child to me… I didn’t know what I was doing. I made a lot of mistakes raising it, as do most parents… But I learned a lot from those mistakes. The only thing I regret is not having the power to take it back. But even I know a lost cause when I see one. Jason won’t ever let go and he’ll never change. The best thing that I can personally do is just move on.” JR explained.

“But what about your career?” I couldn’t believe what he was saying. All of that hard work, and for nothing? Just because of Jason?

“There are other jobs and other companies out here in Seoul… I’m not too worried… I’ll be fine.”

“You sound like you’ve thought a lot about this.” I replied. JR softly smiled before quickly letting it fade.

“I have.”

“It’s really disappointing to hear that… Don’t you at least want to get back at Jason?” I asked. JR halfway smiled.

“I’m going to just leave that part up to karma.” He oddly responded.

“Obviously it’s been working.” I replied, referring to the fact that Jason was currently in the hospital. JR smirked in response. I leaned forward onto the table. “He said it’s time to announce the lineup for the models. If there was any lineup you could choose, what would it be?”

“You’re asking me?” JR asked, sounding surprised. I nodded.

“I just got back from meeting with him and to be honest, he doesn’t even have any intentions of asking you, but you have just about as much input as he does.” I replied. JR shifted his gaze down to the table, lost in thought. Just then out of the corner of my eyes I happened to spot a blonde blur in a red track suit running down the side of the street and stopping outside of the window to my left. I furrowed my brows and turned my head. “Ren?” I crazily asked.

“I would choose him for the top three, but not as the Top Model.” JR responded, still looking down without a clue as to what I had been referring to.

“No, I mean, Ren-” I said and pointed towards the glass window. JR finally looked up to see Ren bending over with his hands on his knees, huffing for air. The same startled look spread across JR’s face. Ren stood up and suddenly turned to his right, spotting the two of us sitting together at the table inside of the café and awkwardly staring at him. His eyes lit up and a big surprised smile spread across his face as he waved and then ran off towards the front entrance, stepping inside and standing beside us at the table.

“Hey, guys- I mean, Mr. Kim, JR. Why are you two here?” Ren breathily asked. “Ugh, I’m so tired…”

“What are you doing here?” I asked in return. Ren pointed out towards the window before he leaned forward with his hands on his knees again.

“Jogging. I grew a belly lately spending so much time with Minhyun and Aron…” Ren’s voice tragically trailed off. “I need to get it off before the fitting.”

“How far have you run?” I asked. Ren stood back up straight and pointed at a shop down the street that wasn’t even half a mile from where we were located.

“From the donut shop to here.” Ren embarrassingly admitted.

“You didn’t perhaps eat there first, did you?” I , not expecting him to have actually done it.

“No! Yes… I promise to do better…” Ren hung his head down low in shame. I couldn’t help but burst out into laughter. It was too cute how supposedly out of shape he was for the way he looked. I would have figured him to be quite athletic. I never would have guessed that he ate and didn’t exercise as much as the way he did. JR glanced up at me and quietly stared before glancing up at Ren.

“Do you need water?” He worriedly offered him. Ren shook his head.

“I’m good! My legs are on fire and I think I’m dying though…” He moped. I watched the interactions between them as JR sweetly smiled and looked up at him and the way Ren looked back. A small pang of jealousy suddenly struck me as I realized how happy the two of them seemed to be just now. I kept my eyes on JR who seemed to warmly smile and nod as Ren made small talk with him. From the outside looking in, there still appeared to be something going on from JR’s side. But if that was true, then why would he have told me to ‘do whatever I wanted’ when he still clearly liked Ren? Was this why he had been hesitant and cold towards me? I furrowed my brows in deep concern. I had wanted to avoid the possibility of fighting over Ren from happening ever since the beginning. Originally I hadn’t known that JR was in the picture when I first laid eyes on Ren, I only found out later. But even then I asked before moving in on him. The gentle look on JR’s face when Ren had walked in said the one thing that he himself wouldn’t have otherwise physically said: the truth.

“To answer your question from earlier, we’re here on an interview, isn’t that right, Mr. Kim?” JR suddenly announced, tearing me from my thoughts. I awkwardly looked at him, somewhat humiliated that I had tuned out and didn’t know what was going on. I forced a smile on my lips and nodded.

“That’s right?” I cleared my throat as JR gave me a secretive stern look from across the table. “That’s right.”

“That explains it then. I thought it was weird that the two of you had met up.” Ren replied. I tilted my head to the side.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, forgive me for saying this, Mr. Kim, but the last time you saw him you were kind of hard on him.” Ren was referring to the time that he and JR had followed and forced me to check into a hotel to avoid him from finding out where I lived. I had to purposely avoid making eye contact with JR right now, who had no idea that I had invited Ren over anyways, compromising the secret location.

“Is that so? It was just a misunderstanding, isn’t that right, JR?” I asked and JR nodded. Ren suddenly gasped then froze while looking at JR. With his right hand he suddenly pointed at his clothes.

“I just realized what you’re wearing!” Ren happily exclaimed then turned to me. “Aren’t you happy, Mr. Kim???” He asked. I blinked, not having the slightest clue about what was going on. When I didn’t seem to respond the way Ren had wanted me to, he gave me an odd look. “Don’t tell me you don’t recognize your own brand…” As he said this I felt my heart stop in a panic.

“O-Of course I do.” I replied. Think of something, quick! “Why wouldn’t I? I designed the blazer.” I watched JR’s jaw slightly drop in shock in response to my answer.

“No… that’s not right…” Ren’s voice trailed off suspiciously. JR shot me a wide eyed stare from across the table, silently telling me to handle it, only I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to continue to make more wrong guesses and continue to destroy my credibility as Mr. Kim. JR nervously leaned closer to the table.

“Ren, Mr. Kim is a busy person who’s designed several lines. You don’t expect for him to notice a simple shirt he designed from several seasons ago, do you?” He asked. Ren paused for a moment.

“Hmm, I guess not then…” Ren said, sounding somewhat disappointed in me. He forced a smile on his lips. “Well, I’ll stop bothering you two. I need to get back to it.” He bowed in front of me and waved goodbye to JR before hurrying out of the coffee shop. The two of us silently watched Ren through the window run down the street and finally disappear. Once he was gone JR angrily stood up.

“What was that?” He asked, staring coldly down at me.

“I didn’t expect for him to suddenly quiz me on fashion!” I shot back defensively. “And besides, why are you even wearing your own- never mind.” I replied, trying to prevent myself from becoming too riled up. I didn’t want to start a public fight. I had already done enough damage to Mr. Kim for today. JR self-consciously glanced down at his clothes before awkwardly glancing back at me.

“I’m trying something different…” He replied. I sat back in my chair and folded my arms across my chest and scoffed at him.

“And what for? Or should I say who for?” I accusingly asked, taking him by surprise. He furrowed his brows and strangely looked at me.

“You… think this was for Ren?” He slowly asked.

“You said you were over him.”

“I never said-” He spoke but I wasn’t listening.

“You told me to do what I want. Isn’t that giving me permission? This feels like a backhanded slap to the face.” I darkly replied. JR took a step backwards, seeming stunned by my words. A hurt look flashed across his face.

“It was for myself.” He suddenly replied, catching me off guard.

“What?”

“Dressing this way… it was for myself. So that I could be taken more seriously… so that I could take myself more seriously… It was never for Ren.” His voice shook as he spoke. He glanced off to the side with visible tears forming in the corners of his eyes. My heart sunk. I instantly felt horrible and guilty for suddenly hurting his feelings for no apparent reason.

“Look, JR, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“I thought you said on television that the two of you weren’t dating…” He suddenly asked while hanging his head downward, refusing to look up at me. My eyes grew wide in shock from behind my black sunglasses. I unfolded my arms from across my chest and sat forward in my chair.

“We’re not. Why would I admit to something that isn’t true, especially on live television?” I replied, staring at him even though he was looking down at the floor. “You… don’t really want for me to do whatever I want, do you?” I asked. JR was silent. I sat back in my chair and sighed heavily. “Dammit, I had a feeling that this was what was going on. I asked you. You should have been more direct and clear about your feelings when you had the chance.”

“Had the chance?”

“I’ve already started to make my move. Don’t ask me to go back from that, because at this point I’m not even sure if that’s possible. I like him, probably even more than you can even think possible. I want this to work.” I replied.

“But your relationship would just be a lie…” JR’s voice trailed off.

“Wouldn’t yours be too?” I defensively asked. “Whether you’d like to admit it or not, you had a part in shaping this lie.” I said as I rose from my chair and the table, standing up with him. I was just about ready to storm out when JR finally glanced at me with hurt eyes.

“Mr. Kim-”

I scoffed as he called me that. “What?”

“… I think we need to finish talking about this.”

“Now it all makes sense as to why you built me up as the bad guy in your head, because to you, I really was- or still am. No matter what I do, you’re going to always view me as the other guy that’s trying to take him away from you. But this is your fault, JR. You had the power to stop this before it even began and you didn’t.”

“If I had said ‘no’? Would you have just quit then?” He asked me. I paused. JR shook his head. “You hesitated. I refuse to believe that this is all my fault… Some of it, yes… but not all.” He replied. I held my hands up in front of me to stop him.

“You know what, let’s just agree to disagree. It seems like we’ve reached an impasse that neither one of us knows how to fix, so let me just say what we’re both thinking: neither one of us is probably going to stop chasing after Ren. I never intended for this to be some sort of competition, but you started it. I’m not going to stop until he either accepts or rejects me. If it’s the latter, then I’ll gladly get lost.” I bitterly replied before turning my back to him and angrily storming out of the café. I climbed into my car and drove off, leaving him there. As I traveled further down the street I had to stop and pull over, being far too angry and distracted to drive. I slammed my fist down on the steering wheel, causing it to honk which only further irritated me. I kicked the floor of the vehicle in a fit of rage. Although I had hesitated to answer his question, it didn’t mean that I would have blindly pursued Ren, did it? Although there was a slight uncertainty there, I trusted myself to make the right decision. Just… why couldn’t JR have been honest with me? It would have saved both of us the unnecessary heartache and it certainly wouldn’t have turned me into a villain.

 

 

Ren’s POV

“I just realized what you’re wearing!” I excitedly exclaimed while finding myself unexpectedly standing inside of a coffee shop just now. I had gone out with the intention of going on a jog, but it had been my last expectation to actually run into anyone I actually knew, let alone it being Mr. Kim and JR. It came as a big surprise to discover that JR actually dressed up for once instead of wearing his trademark jeans and hoodie, even more so finding out that he was actually wearing a piece from House of Kim.  I had to fight to keep my eyes off him. It was amazing how much a change of clothes could make him look even more attractive. “Aren’t you happy, Mr. Kim???” I stupidly asked while trying to distract myself enough not to continue staring at JR.

“…” Mr. Kim returned a spaced out look towards me and blinked. He had noticed what JR was wearing, hadn’t he? I gave him an odd look. This was some sort of joke, right?

“Don’t tell me you don’t recognize your own brand…” I somewhat . A serious look quickly spread across Mr. Kim’s face.

“O-Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I? I designed the blazer.” He strangely responded.

“No… that’s not right…” I slowly replied, wondering what in the world was going on. Why would he have mentioned the blazer? It clearly wasn’t House of Kim but some off-brand jacket. JR leaned closer to the table, stealing my attention away from him.

“Ren, Mr. Kim is a busy person who’s designed several lines. You don’t expect for him to notice a simple shirt he designed from several seasons ago, do you?” JR oddly spoke up and asked. I paused for a moment, finding it strange how quick he had been to come to Mr. Kim’s defense. Was it strange, or was I overanalyzing things like I usually seemed to do? I couldn’t think of a possible reason as to why JR would need to defend him. The last time the three of us had even been remotely in the same room, it was in the elevator back at the hotel the night I followed Mr. Kim after Jason’s show. I remembered the awkwardness and how cold and standoffish Mr. Kim had been towards JR. I had simply beat around the bush and sugarcoated it when Mr. Kim had asked about it just moments ago, but in reality, I remembered the look of wanting to die that was written all over JR’s face in the elevator when it happened. The more I thought about it, JR really didn’t even have a reason to defend him. Maybe it was possible that JR was right. Mr. Kim was personally responsible for hundreds of different pieces. It might be impossible to remember every single piece… but even still, this was a shirt from just a few seasons ago. It wasn’t exactly that long ago.

“Hmm, I guess not then…” I frowned, not getting the reaction I expected out of Mr. Kim. Maybe it wasn’t as big a deal as I thought it might be towards him. I forced a smile on my lips. “Well, I’ll stop bothering you two. I need to get back to it.” I bowed respectfully in front of Mr. Kim and casually waved goodbye to JR before excusing myself and running back out of the café. As I jogged down the street I just couldn’t seem to shake off that odd exchange. It had just been too weird…

I continued to run faster to distract myself and erase that unfavorable memory of Mr. Kim from my mind. Truthfully, it had been both a bit of a shock and a disappointment. House of Kim had several trademarks that made its brand easily recognizable, or at least I thought so. The thread used for the stitching itself was even unique. The broad, clean lines and overall style of the garments screamed House of Kim. But why couldn’t the designer himself recognize it and take credit for an off-brand jacket? I roughly shook my head from side to side. It was just a simple mistake. Mr. Kim was busy these days and probably tired. Yeah, that was it. I had put Mr. Kim so high up on a pedestal that I believed that he was perfect and incapable of making mistakes. However, now that I was actually getting to know him, I realized that wasn’t the case. The same fact that I seemed to always forget kept popping up in my face repeatedly these days: Mr. Kim was human.

I came to a stop at the corner of the street. I hadn’t even been running for fifteen minutes and already I felt like I was near death. I knelt down and leaned with my palms on my knees then brought my right arm up and wiped the sweat from my brows, taking a minute to breathe and collect myself. As I stood back up straight I couldn’t help but ask myself why the situation had been so disappointing. Was it the fact that the person that I had built up inside of my head versus the real Mr. Kim didn’t quite match up? I had to admit the other day I had been so star struck when he had taken me to his mansion. I had been so caught up in the idea wrapped around him that he could cook delicious food and design my favorite clothes. But when I actually got to sit down and talk with him about all things fashion only to find that he didn’t even want to think about it on his off time, it was a bit upsetting. Right before House of Kim’s latest line was released, he had been on a hiatus for quite some time. With him always seeming so depressed and not wanting to talk about his company, showing barely any interest in his own clothes that he designed… It made me wonder… Was designing just a ‘job’ for Mr. Kim, something that he did not because he enjoyed it but because it put food on the table and money in his bank account? Did he even care what his clothes meant to the world, or the impact it had on so many people? This was all too disheartening.

I picked back up and started jogging again while feeling at unease. I tightened my fists into two balls and squeezed until my knuckles grew white. I selfishly wanted to feel upset with Mr. Kim for not living up to all of my expectations after all, even though I had even physically said otherwise the other day. There wasn’t anything wrong with him as a person. He was friendly, at least in private, to me, that is. He was stern but at least he took care of business and got matters done. All around he seemed like a great guy, so why should I be upset with him? I stopped running and exhaled heavily. I was being ridiculous again. If anything, I wasn’t upset with Mr. Kim, but with myself. How could it be his fault that he wasn’t everything I had expected him to be as the designer of my favorite brand? Grow up, Ren. Something like that was just too impossible. I had been too caught up in my own frustrations that I hadn’t even noticed Mr. Kim’s familiar car pull up on the side of the road next to me.

“You’re going to end up overexerting and hurting yourself if you keep that up.” I unexpectedly heard the sound of his voice call out to me, startling me. I screamed briefly before covering my mouth with both hands in embarrassment. I self-consciously glanced around me to see if anyone had witnessed my moment of manliness. It turned out at least a dozen people had heard my outburst. I turned red and sheepishly walked up to the side of his car.

“I’m no fitness expert, but I’m not going to lie, sometimes I can’t control myself with food… or alcohol… That’s why I’m out here like this. I know your policy if a model can’t fit the sample, and I really want the honor to do your clothes justice- sorry, I’m rambling. I tend to do that when I’m embarrassed- oh my god, shut up, Ren!” I cursed at myself. Mr. Kim laughed from inside of the car.

“Hmm, that is true. If you don’t fit, another model will.”

“Well now you’re just rubbing salt in the wound.” I informally said without so much as thinking. Mr. Kim lowered his sunglasses and leaned against the armrest in his car.

“I’m speaking from the perspective as a designer. As a friend, I’d tell you that you’re insane if you think you’re fat and that you’re perfect just the way you are now.” He said, taking me by surprise. I felt my cheeks grow warmer at his sudden compliment. “Ren, I’m talking to you as your friend right now. Is something wrong?” He asked with concern in his voice. I stared at him with wide eyes.

“Wrong? Why would something be wrong?” I turned the question around on him. Had he been referring to the way I reacted when he made that error?

“You don’t need to lose weight. If anything, you just need to maintain it.” He replied. So that wasn’t it then. Thank god. I really didn’t want to discuss how disappointed in him I was. I couldn’t imagine it being an appropriate conversation coming from someone who really didn’t even have any right to be saying anything at all.

“A-Ah, I see. I guess I can stop now, huh?” I nervously swept my hair behind my right ear. If this wasn’t about my disappointment in him, then it had to have been about the stress I had been feeling leading up until now about turning another year older tomorrow. It was true I had been excessively doing skincare routines and even trying to work out my body lately to avoid the inevitable aging process. I just didn’t know how noticeable it had been to other people how crazy I had become. And this was coming from someone who didn’t want a single soul to know about my upcoming birthday, not even Mr. Kim.

“Please stop. It’s a bit concerning.” He admitted, making me pause. I stared down at him through his open window.

“Concerning…?” My voice trailed off as I unexpectedly found my heart pounding at such a confession from him. I shook my head, brushing it off while reminding myself that we were just friends and that worrying about one another was a normal thing to do. I awkwardly laughed. “A person like you probably has more important things to do with his time than to worry about me. I’m fine.”

“Possibly. But right now I’m focused on you.”

“Ah, seriously, stop worrying! I’m going home right now, so relax.” I was too embarrassed having all of this sudden attention on me, especially from the one person I admired the most in this world. I wanted to escape from it and return back to normalcy.

“I won’t be able to unless I see it for myself. Climb in.” Mr. Kim insisted, trying to thwart my plans. I waved my hands in front of me in protest.

“That’s really not necessary… and besides, what if someone sees us?” I nervously asked, looking around for any hiding reporters nearby.

“I can just hold another press conference and deny any more claims.”

“I can’t tell if you’re joking or being serious.” I quickly replied. Mr. Kim laughed then waved his hand at me to climb in. I hesitantly looked at him before reaching for the back door handle and hurrying inside of the car before anyone could see me enter. Mr. Kim glanced back at me over his shoulder in his seat and removed his sunglasses, staring at me. He parted his lips to speak but I already knew what he was going to ask. I quickly cut him off, beating him to it. “Long story short, there was an accident several years ago that left me afraid of sitting in the front seat. I don’t want to talk about it any further…” I uncomfortably explained. Mr. Kim suddenly paused while staring at me.

“Accident…?” His voice quietly trailed off. Although he had spoken, for some reason I got the idea that he wasn’t even speaking to me. He appeared to be too lost in his own thoughts. I cleared my throat and shifted my gaze out the window.

“Like I said, I don’t want to talk about it.” I replied, suddenly snapping him out of his thought induced trance. He gave me a startled look before quickly forcing a smile on his lips.

“I apologize. I won’t bring it up ever again.”

“It’s not your fault…” I guiltily replied, feeling somewhat horrible for having been so cross with him. Mr. Kim shook his head.

“I’ll take you home.” It was the last thing he said to me before driving me back to my apartment complex, making the entire trip back spent in silence. During the short ten minute ride I shifted my gaze down into my lap, feeling all sorts of negative emotions. I felt bad for being rude and feeling disappointed towards Mr. Kim. At the same time, I felt numb having to think back about the accident once again. Once we pulled up to the front, Mr. Kim parked his car and got out. He took a few steps towards the back of the car and surprised me by opening up the back door and sitting beside me, shutting the door behind him. I stared at him with wide eyes, wondering what this was all about. “This conversation requires being face to face. I apologize for what happened in the café earlier.”

“H-H-Huh?” I asked, growing nervous by how close he had seated himself next to me.

“I’ve been getting very little sleep recently due to the collaboration. It was an irresponsible error and I feel I have somewhat let you down by it.” He said, hitting the nail right on the head. Was my disappointment that strong that he had picked up on it? I felt horrible. I felt like I had just insulted Mr. Kim.

“No, of course not!” I tried to cover up my real feelings. Mr. Kim sympathetically smiled at me while slowly shaking his head.

“It’s ok to be a little ashamed of me. I’m your favorite designer, aren’t I?”

“Of course you are!” I replied. He didn’t have to remind me.

“But?” He asked me, sensing there was more to it than I was letting on. I paused.

“…You’re not perfect. And neither am I…” My voice trailed off as I thought about how hard I had been trying to perfect my image. Just as how humans were bound to make mistakes, we’re bound to age, isn’t it? And as JR had put it, a birthday wasn’t something to dread, but to celebrate. Taking care of myself versus preventing the inevitable were two different things. By doing skincare regimens and working out, it meant that I loved myself enough to care. But by overdoing it, I certainly wasn’t doing myself any favor except stressing myself out. And apparently I had overdone it so much that even Mr. Kim was worried about me.

“You look as if you just had a revelation.” Mr. Kim said, studying me. I snapped out of my thoughts and smiled at him.

“I think I just did, all thanks to you.” I replied. Mr. Kim raised a brow.

“Me? What did I do?” He curiously asked. I shook my head.

“It’s nothing.” I said. Mr. Kim frowned.

“What was it? I want to know…” He was almost pouting because I didn’t want to tell him. Although I would never tell him or anyone this, I actually found his actions somewhat cute. It was definitely a first I had seen from him. He wasn’t the type of person who seemed comfortable enough ever letting his guard down in front of other people. It made me kind of happy that I was one of the rare few to get to witness it because I knew that if I told anyone about it that they would never believe me anyways. I smirked then reach for the handle, propping the door open.

“Thank you for taking me home, Baekho.” I suddenly said without any effort, surprising not just him but myself as well. He stared at me with big, shocked eyes. A wide, almost shy smile slowly stretched across both corners of his lips.

“N-No problem- Not a problem.” He somewhat stuttered in response as I climbed out from the backseat of his car. I watched and waited as he climbed out and stood on the opposite side, staring across the roof of his car and back over at me. I cheerfully smiled and waved goodbye. He smirked again then quietly climbed back inside of the driver’s seat and drove off. I turned my back to him and ran inside of my apartment complex and climbed the stairs up to my unit. Once inside I found myself still smiling. Ever since given the green light to address him informally, I had struggled with coming to terms to actually doing it. I had finally found the courage to call him by his first name and it surprisingly had come out of nowhere. It was something that had just slipped. But getting to see the reaction on his face was priceless. I kicked off my shoes and threw myself down on the couch in front of the TV, flipping it on. Although I had been physically staring at the screen, I wasn’t watching. I was still thinking about that bashful smile of Mr. Kim’s- no, I meant Baekho’s.