Chapter 3
The Exiled Ice PrincessTaeyeon’s POV
“To call or not to call? Email? Or Text? Ugh! This ”. As a leader, I am responsible to my members. And Jessica, my dear Sica, is not just any member of
the group. Aside from being a main vocalist, like me, she’s MY Sica. She’s my dear sica. It saddened me to the core saying farewell to her. But what can I do?
The sake of the many is far more important to preserve than the sake of one.
If I call her, I may not be able to deliver the dreadful message. I cannot bear her hearing me cry. More importantly, I cannot bear hearing her cry. I’m that mushy.
A cloud of mist is starting to form in each of my eyes as I proceeded to my next option. Email? She may not be able to access the message at the right time.
And so, the last option it is, through text message. The assurance of Jessica receiving and reading the message on the appropriate time is higher as
compared to email. Thus, I chose text message. Although I know to myself that it is an informal and an unsentimental way of delivering a message, and
a painful one it is, I chose it anyway. To spare her?Maybe. Oh! Who am I kidding? It is definitely to spare myself.
The clouds of mist finally decided to descend. As I was searching for my iphone, my tears began to grow bigger and fatter. Sobs were forming and the first
batch is threatening to come out. There, laying on top of the cushy pillow on my bed, I spotted my iphone. Then, as if triggered, the first batch of sobs came
out. The bigger and fatter tears started to drop one by one. I cried. I cried my eyes out. I cried my heart out. I reached for my iphone and started to type the
message for Sica. My heart shrunk little by little as I was typing letter by letter. And as I am writing the - Taeyeon as the ending of the message, my heart
seemed to shrunk at the size of a marble. A numb marble. Pressing the send button is even more depressing than typing those letters. Message sent. I sat
down on my bed. Eyes puffy, nose red, production of tears and sobs seemed to be endless. For awhile, I remained seated on that position. Instead of
planning the future of the group, I was much more swept with the idea of Jessica hurting on the other side of the globe. I worry for her.
Jessica is my inspiration. She is my best friend. Was my best friend, I corrected myself. We no longer do anything together anymore. She always initiated
our conversations for that matter but I turn her down coldly by unworthy excuses every single time. And as it continued for several months, I believe she
grew tired on it. Now, we only talked out of courtesy as members of the same group, and nothing more. I am such a wicked person. A selfish one. I was afraid
to uncover the feelings I discovered accidentally while we were still spending time with each other. The feelings that are not appropriate to be boosted
and encouraged upon to grow ponder. The feelings that certainly will cross the border of friendship once freed.
At the back of my mind, I unconsciously decided to wait for her at the airport in case she will fly much earlier than her scheduled flight. I sneaked at the airport
ahead of my fellow members. I waited while worrying what her state could be once she appear in front of me. Will it be soul crushing? Hopefully not.
Heart breaking? Definitely. Definitely? And I have come to the realization that the feelings I tried to bury deep within my heart finally freed itself. Welcome
to the new world, I guessed and tried to comfort myself once again. I waited and waited for her, until the other members appeared and our flight schedule
was up, but she never appeared. She never came. As resignation flooded me, I looked around and saw my friends, my fellow members, equally hurt and
sad. Even the playful and happy Sunny is down. It pained me even more.
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