Chapter 2
The Exiled Ice PrincessZing. A text message arrived. The pop of the sender’s name in the screen comforted me. Her name soothed me in a welcoming vibrance. I was feeling
ecstatic to receive a message from her. My best friend Taeyeon. Or my former best friend? I no longer know anymore for we don’t do anything together for
awhile now. Together as in only just the two of us, without the rest of the girls. The idea of her sending me a message felt magical. I missed her care. I missed
the attention we exchange for one another. Maybe our lost connection will now be repaired, and our friendship will continue where we left off? Beyond
happiness is what I felt. Hope intermingled with happiness, I clutched my iphone to my chest. I longed for this moment to arise. But then, everything fell apart
as I decided to open the awaiting message. What I felt earlier shrunk down from a full and lushy grape to a fleshless and undignified raisin. The extreme
counterpart feeling of ecstatic took over as I surveyed the message for the nth time. I cannot believe this. I just can’t.
I read the message again. More of scanning than reading, I guess. Hoping that a different message is hidden somewhere. Hoping to falsify the existing
painful message at hand.
Morning Jess. First, I would like to say that this was hard for me as much as with the other girls :(. Even though it’s hard, but still we had to make a decision
regarding your duties in the group. And as the leader, I should relay to you that we have come to the decision to let you go. We are terribly sorry.
Thanks for everything Jess. Hope we can still remain as friends. :)
- Taeyeon
Innominate emotions seemed to surge within me. Hatred? Bitterness, perhaps. Pain? Definitely. It hurts. A lot. I dropped my hand lotion together with the
strength of my knees. I was in the middle of packing my belongings, readying for my departure from L.A. to Korea when the popping alert happened. I fell
forward, dropping my knees first in a kneeling position with a minimal thud then both my palms rested on the cold, white tiles. One tear began to fall right
after the last tear. As it progresses into a cycle, sobs started to join and accompanied the lonely tears. even though it seems like an exaggeration, but I feel
that a knife is stabbed right into my heart. And as if the culprit is not yet satisfied with the pain I was suffering, started to turn the knife. Twisting it right into
the flesh like a key trying to open up a rigid lock. It hurts. Beyond words that no one ever uttered before. Words which can describe the feeling that is highly
beyond pain. I wanted to shout. Maybe shouting could minimize the pain inside me, just for a bit. But much as I suspected, shouting just wears me out and
did not ease the pain. It can never ease the pain, instead it amplifies the pain. The sobs started to drift but my eyes seemed like a tank full of tears. The
watering in my eyes never hinting to stop just for a second bit. It drained me.
After a while, I regained my composure. I decided to fly early back to Korea to meet up with them. With my girls. It saddened me to the core thinking of not
being with them. Of not being one of them anymore. These thoughts hurt my gut. And so, instead of mourning this tragic incident, I wanted to confront this
matter with them and hopefully, restore everything back into the rightful place. Hurt aside, I rushed packing and went to the airport with my manager.
Of course, he knew everything beforehand. Ah! That is why the reminder kept coming along yesterday. I’m torn.
------------oo---------------
Everything shattered. They already left to Beijing. Without me. The feeling of being left-out overpowered me. Instead of flying to Beijing and be one
with them, I decided to stay in Korea. Move on and continue to live an artist’s life. Without being downgraded by them. I’m sorry for the future encounters
we may make. But this is for the best. For me, at least.
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