ITALICIZED WORDS ARE THOUGHTS.

Jiyeon takes a breath, wishing that oxygen was enough to calm her nerves. Somehow, even with the desperate intake of the human being’s natural necessity, her heart jack hammered her ribcage as she sat in front of her mother in the hospital’s cafeteria after she had visited her father, rendering her even more breathless.

Her mother, Sooyeon Park, was a lot calmer than her father, but she was too stubborn. A trait she had known was from the esteemed family of the ‘Lee’s’. Then again, that is way better than face her father’s temper. She couldn’t really tell how he’d behave, and how he’ll act to protect her this time around. She couldn’t even begin to think what would actually happen once she told her father about what she’s about to do.

For her, it is best that she’s only facing her mother because facing them both at once would bring a whole lot of trouble.

So Jiyeon was willing to brave this alone…because in the afternoon she and Eunjung would be legally married.

They’re going to get married.

If that isn’t any more obvious, she and Eunjung are gonna get married.

MARRIED.

Married.

Jiyeon gulps at the thought as her mother eyes her warily. Park Sooyeon’s eyes were like hers and that didn’t really bring much comfort as the pair of familiar eyes soon shot laser beams in her direction. The pair of familiar eyes is eyeing her like a hawk; just observing, as if waiting for the time for her to screw up until they eat her up.

Those wide eyes are definitely scary!

It’s even scarier when she’s not the one throwing the look, because now it looked like she was looking through a mirror or her future self just waiting to judge her.

“So what is it exactly you want to talk to me before we see the Ham’s for this lunch you’re talking about,” her mom asks, ever so deceitfully calm.

It was just the perfect calm before the explosion, that’s what she feared most and that’s what made her cower on her seat. At least, if worse comes to worst, there are several people in the cafeteria who might save her from whatever her mother was going to try to hurt her physically. Though she’d doubt the fight would be physical. Sooyeon Park would rather sit pretty while hissing colorful words at her by the time she’s executed her plan. Her mother loved to sass.

Two days ago, she had approached Eunjung for their action plan. The best she could come up with was laid out on the table while Eunjung, too, had hers for her side. And this is what they’re currently executing, because simply doing an ambush of information on her proud mother would make the older woman combust. She needed to be ‘formally’ told and persuaded of some matters beforehand. Eunjung would have probably taken her parents at the restaurant by now and there she would tell them.

As for her, she decided to subtly give her mother the initial shock of the news of her being gay, and then puppy-eye her way through her stubborn mother to get her to lunch and eventually make her hear the wedding announcement. So then maybe her mother will just have to deal with the news of her marriage along with the Ham’s later on.

But then again, what was so good about giving them several shocking news in one day? She’ll probably have to cry her way through her mother if she gives such an unpleasant reaction, and she wished she wouldn’t have to. Besides, her mother didn’t really talk about ‘gay’ issues, just the bloodline and conception issues. And deep down in Jiyeon’s heart, she had hoped that maybe her mother would take her biuality in stride or in the least handle it better than the upcoming announcement of marriage. 

Eunjung would probably have a harder time by now, if she really thought about it.

At least, she needed to execute her plan now so they’d arrive after Eunjung spoke with her parents. Maybe rescue her best friend from whatever may happen. The plan needs to be perfectly executed if she wanted to be there at the right time. But overall, this was a good plan. This is a plan she needed to make sure went right. This is the plan they had formulated and hopefully, they’d follow through them well.

“Mom, before we go to lunch,” she shakily starts, and this hadn’t helped her mother’s intensifying stares. “I just wanna tell you something important about myself.”

“What is it?” Her mother asks, her eyes softening just a little bit at the sight of her baby girl struggling before her.

Unbeknownst to Jiyeon, Sooyeon knew this was coming. She wasn’t a fool and if she hears it now, it’ll probably be the best. But it certainly won’t be painless, as she felt her heart beating in unbelievable speeds. She had a very good inkling as to what this is going to be and hearing what Jiyeon started didn’t help her growing anxiety.

“I…”

“What is it?” She urged on, though this time, her words felt like they were forced out of as she hid her fists under the table.

Jiyeon gulps at the hard tone her mother just gave. She had held back all these years, and all these years it didn’t make it any easier. It hadn’t been her intention. She never had the intention of being gay in the first place. It is hard as it was to admit it to herself than she could ever admit to other people, including her mother. She had first admitted this to Eunjung who had then also guiltily admitted the same thing but the steps she did to even admit such a thing had been a torturous rollercoaster. She wasn’t one of the proudest gays in the first place until of course, she had eventually learned to accept it. The point is she had come a long way.

She had never even thought she’d like women along with liking men. But then again, her liking for men isn’t as well received in her body compared to females. It was just rare moments where she’d feel attraction between men. So, if she was speaking of preferences, she preferred women more but has tendencies with men. Thus she simply tries to label herself as a biual.

Jiyeon didn’t like labeling, but it gets complicated if she didn’t have it. It’s basically something that people did to make things ‘easier’. But when it came to uality, politics, or religion, did labeling really help?

She knew someone out there, if they read her thoughts, would pipe up to say yes, some would say no. But does it really matter in her life? Everyone has opinions and the opinion she needed right now was her mother’s.

Biuality was probably the safest she could say, but it wasn’t going to be comforting for her mother either way because biuality is still classified under the category of gay. Being in that category isn’t an issue for her anymore. And it’s about time she truly admits it to the people who gave her life and for whom she holds dear.

“Mom, I’m,” Jiyeon pauses as she carefully gasps in air. Her hands were turning white at the rate she was squeezing, if she was holding someone’s hand it could have turned blue by now. At least squeezing her hand gave her a little bit of relief or maybe somehow a reassurance that she was still alive and could still hurt herself in exchange for a little bit of freedom. It’s the freedom to be herself the way she truly is.

And right now, she could see the way her mother tenses in her seat even more as she takes a breath.

“I’m gay,” Jiyeon finally blurts out, her eyes hurriedly closed in fear.

There was an eerie silence between them that seemed to drown out the soft buzz of people in the cafeteria. Her heart drummed to a beat she wished was slow and steady. It was too much, quietly regretting the words she had blurted out in sheer panic. She should have been composed but it all came flying out. Her thoughts are in an even more jumble than it already was as she hears her mother, or simply put, doesn’t hear anything from her mother as she refuses to look into her mother’s eyes. She simply didn’t know what’s going to happen.

But she feared. She feared so much like she’d never feared before.

“What?”

Sooyeon