"

It eats away at you,slowly, because you try to overcome it. Mentally.

Shortly after collapsing on the floor, the lights went dim as endless daggers sunk inside my heart. Clutching my body, it locked. Every bone, every tissue, every cell is paralysed.

My breathing? Thats the worst, taking breaths to stay on earth is something I'm unable to do.

Desperation at the corner of the road calling for me, am I able to catch up?

-no, not even screaming for the suffering to end was worth it, I know I'm already halfway there.

Halfway to immortality.

***

The heavy weights pressing down on my eyelids was a challenge but eventually, I got there.

There is one colour I see, Its a very weak colour ~ something I can't describe nor tell.

No shadows, no life, no~Nothing! Am I alive? Am I dead?

I have no clue if theres a floor or if I'm just floating, its some noone can explain.

I did the most cliché thing a person does in a situation like this, its also a stupid idea but I had to find out where I am.

Already remembering the pain earlier, I carelessly put myself in more pain where Id do the usual 'pinch-me-if-I'm-dreaming'.

Yes, I felt it, I didnt expect to, but I did.

As pathetic as it already is, I slapped myself on the cheek, earning a red mark.

"You can stop doing that." A feminine voice echoed from behind. I twisted my back and saw nothing.

But that something became something soon. Above was a group of dust springing in together to form a something, a human.

After the reaction, I took a good look where I saw Bom. That is Bom, I'm sure of it but i'm sure as hell that it doesnt sound like her.

"Bom? Is that you?" I know its mindless saying that after being so sure its Bom, I want to be careful, I want to be sure, afterall, this world I'm in, this 'afterlife', it doesnt look trustworthy.

"No, I'm Yeoleum, Boms mother."

Straight away, with no control of getting up, (hence not knowing wether I'm floating or sitting down.) I greeted her with a respectful bow, she is my mother-in-law of course.

"Its an honour to meet you, mother!" I reached in to shake her hand but I felt nothing, just air-or whatever it was, its as if I ruined a painting that hasnt fully dried.

"You too." Slightly, she tilts her head down south.

God, she looks just like Bom.

"I know you're going through a rough time and Its obvious that your clueless about where you are."

"Am I in heaven?"

"Something like that."

"Hell?"

"Similar."

I gave up on guessing. "Where am I?"

"Thats something for you to find out."

She left me clueless as to worry where I am, more importantly, what I'm doing here.

"You're here because you passed out in the airport."

"Wait, you can read my thoughts?"

"Of course."

"So I guess its pointless in me talking."

"No, do talk. I may know what youre thinking about but they wont."

"'They'?"

Instead of telling me, she decides to show me by pointing at the same direction she entered. Dusts faded in to appear into Hana and her father, again, I bowed. Surprisingly, they all appeared with youth, especially Hana, nothings changed. Is this what its like when you die?

For confirmation, mother-in-law nods her head.

Does that mean I'm dead?

She shakes her head.

"You're not dead." Boms father answers.

Without a doubt, my eyes gazed upon him widely. "You can hear my thoughs too?"

"Of course."

"But, mother-in-law said you and Hana couldnt."

"We know, we just wanted to hear your turthful thoughts about them."  Yeouleum claims. Its very sneaky of her, Bom takes after her.

"If I'm not dead then what happened?"

"You passed out in the airport." To my satisfaction, Hana answers straightforwardly.

Causing myself to jump a little, a moving picture blurred in appeared infront of all of us, the 3 walked inside whereas I followed closely behind.

I see myself, whitnessing the pain from another perspective its what happened earlier on when all I remember is arriving in Switzerland safely. But I wasnt safe, something inside me swallowed me whole, knowing I'd leave any second.

But the thing is, I didnt focus on me, I focused on Bom and the twins, and blocked the surroundings. Not only I collapsed but so did Bom, she glued herself onto the floor by my body shedding a waterfall, making her doused on her own tears. She let her head drop, you could tell her eyes were about to burn, if not-they were already in the process of burning. If only I was able to hear her cries, I'd wake up and embrace her with my own arms to tell her everything is going to be all right. Cursing was indefinite yet irrelevant.

"This reminds me of something." Father starts off by only starring at me, as if I know what that something is. "Do you know, Kris?~Or do you go by the name Yi Fan? or... Jiaheng?"

Swallowing my saliva down whole, I hesitated for a second. That second felt like a lifetime. You'd be surprised how long a second can last. "With all do respect sir, Yi Fan would be appropriate."

"Ahhh, is this a couple thing? Only for you and Bom?"

He's right, I'd only let Bom call me that, besides her, only my family, Mei Ling and Tao knows about this name but Bom is the only person I'd allow to call me that name, I dont know why, It just feels special coming from her.

"You don't have to answer that." He cuts me off, blurting out a slight chuckle. "Now, do you know what it reminds me of?"

"No sir, sorry."

"I'll show you."

The moving picture transferred from the airport to  a smaller apartment. Analysing it, I found two babies, twins to be exact, a boy and a girl  sat on a baby seat. They look awfully familliar.

"I could see why you may think its Liqui and Yong Sun" Hana words out, engulfed at the children, she doesnt turn to look at me but insteads, smiles lightly, hinting at me. "Its me and Jung Hwan."

The resemblance is impeccable.

The next person that appeared was a slightly older female that wore braids, she appeared to be holding the side dishes coming from the kitchen and putting them on the dinner table. "If you don't know who that is," Hana points at the 9 year old. "then I suggest you find another woman."

"Hana." Yeoleum glarres at her with one of of those parental warnings when their kids are doing something rude.

"What?" Hana shruggs. "You can read his mind-we all can."

"No- I do know who she is." A proud smile formed on my face as to see Bom taking that mature side of her at that age. When I was 9, I was spoiled with the things that kids dreamt of.

I watched her pray with the twins, she looked happy despite not having a mother around that is until a explicit plate noise banged against the ground in the middle of her prayer.

Leaving the kids unaware, she darted back to the kitchen as if her life depended on it, thats when she saw her dad on the floor, the exact same position as me in the airport.

So this is the moment when her dad died, I turned my cheek not being able to bare it. I don't like death~I'm afraid.

The moment I turned around, I heard nothing from behind, it was gone, everything was gone, the young Bom, twins, everything and its back to that dull colour which had no meaning to me.

"As you can see, the death of me and her mother left a huge impact on her."

"Yes."

"And now, Hanas gone..."

I knew eactly where this was going.

"Tell me, Do you think you're able to fill the hole we left in her heart?" He gave off one of those overly-protective father vibes, as if it was the first time he was meeting his daughters boyfriend. Well its true, this is our first meeting but I'm not her boyfriend, I'm her husband and he's going to have to accept that wether he likes me or not.

"Every last inch." Confidently, I said.

"Do you think you're deserving of our daughter?"

"Yes, of course."

"Do you love our daughter?"

"What kind of husband would I be if I didnt?"

"Exactly."

I don't know why, but I had a feeling like I was caught inside a trap. "Pardon?...sir?"

"If you love her, why wont you fight for what you want?"

He didnt give me enough time to answer, hardly a second. Changing from that dull colour, they showed me another moving picture where we all stepped into. Its inside our home, all my senses kicked in, it really did feel like home, It smells like home-the kind of food Bom made was the aroma that surrounded us, giving me a nostalgic feeling, its been 4 years since I've been home.

We took a walk upstairs where Bom was sat in the comfort of our bed with Liqui and Yong Sun.

It looked about 2 years ago, they have those cheeks that were plumper than they are now and Liquis hair is short~above her shoulders whereas I noticed Yongsun with his first tooth.

I closed my eyes for a moment just to embace their giggiling that was music to my ears.

I opened them again, I see the beauty of my family still there.

"Omma. Say it with me, O-mma." She emphasises at a slow pace suitable for the kids.

This seemed to be when the kids only babbled, when they had no sense of talking properly. This is the time she told me about teaching them their first words.

The twins had their jaws dangiling low, slowly processing whats happening, this is all new to them. Bom had something behind her, its a framed picture but her back covered it, soon, she exposed it close to her face. Its a framed picture of me. "Appa, this is appa."

She points happily at my picture which showed a gleaming smile, a happy one for the kids. "Appa!" Yong sun got it in an instant with no practice, he points at my picture happily where I could see his precious first tooth that came with his precious first words.

"Well done!" She squeels, squeezing tightly on Yong Suns cheeks before planting a 'congratulations' kiss on his forehead.

Liqui strangely gawkes at Yong Sun and Bom as if she wanted a kiss too but is unable to do so. Reluctantly, she forces herself to say it even though shes not quite there yet. "Ah-Ah-Ah-"

Just like the good boy I know my son to be, he helps his sister. "Appa appa appa!" He screams with the only word he knows.

"Appa!" Liqui excitedly smiles. She got what she wanted, a kiss-thats what she earned, adding a patt on her head.

That feeling where you could feel tears gradually coming out of your eyes, I have that feeling but I promised myself I wouldnt let that happen, instead I felt something like a acidic reaction in my eyes that burned like hell but I couldnt do anything about it.

Again, just like before, the moving picture transformed from a watercolour image to the image of the downstairs area in our house, its set outside in the sun on our backyard. The kids  were sat down on a picnic blanket before Bom walked aproximatly 5 meters infront of them, she helped them stand up ready in position.

I'm guessing this was set a year before they spoke their first words, when they just turned 1.

"Come here kids!" Bom opened her arms widely as she crouched down, expecting for them to come fourth. Its pretty self-explanitory that she was teaching them their first steps.

Unfortunatly, there was no response from either of them, Yong Sun on his thumb~clueless to the situation and Liqui? she sat still with her back straight but she fiddled with her situation.

"Yong Sun! Come to mommy!"

Again, no response.

Bom sighs in frustration, running her fingers through her hair in a rough way. The Bom I know would have a backup plan or a second option if things didnt go her way. 

I was standing upright beside her, looking down I saw paper in her back pocket sticking out. She lift her right arm to her back to get it and hold it be