Chapter 2.

Jongup memories.

The sun rose in the cold morning, it pale rays running through the floor of the boy's room. The boys were deeply sleeping exept Jongup, who hardly open his eyes, facing the light sky. He stifled a yawn and got up of his bed, scratching his head.

It's strange, he thought, Daehyun always wake up the first and always wake up us while shouting or jumping in our beds.

Jongup reached the door of Youngjae and Daehyun's room, but the door was close. They were surely sleeping.
Jongup went in the kitchen and tried to remember what happen last night. His mind was trouble. He take his head in his hands. What a headache... They were celebrating their new award. They maybe drank too much. Yes, there was all kind of alcohol : beer, vodka, cocktail,... It was why his head hurt so much.
Zelo ended sleeping on the couch, in the living room. Jongup could hear his snoring.

After, what happened ? His memories shook in his mind. He only remembered sounds, feels.

Bottles falling on the ground, explosing in thousand pieces. Himchan beeing drunk, his voice in a low pitch, words missing. The sound of a window opening. Someone climbing on it. The desesperate voice of Yongguk. The feeling of blood in his hands. Of clothes ripped. The sound of someone hurting the floor and the pieces of glasses cracking.
Black. Jongup thought he probably fell asleep.
Yongguk softly crying. Crying in another room. Hoping nobody could hear him.
Black again. Jongup didn't have the notion of time. What time was it ?
He woke up again in the night. Woke up by the sound of an argument. Two persons were shouting in the room. They shouted very loud on each other, but no one was woken up by those screams. Louder and louder. Words which hurt and hurt. Voices filled with tears and tears.
A last scream. A last word. But in the end, those words they said, they didn't mind it. Their voice were hesitant, less strong, less hurting, like they didn't want to say that.
After silence. And a strong sound which resounded in the mourning room. Maybe the room knew. Knew that it was the last time it could held the breath of one of them. The last time his feet left it invisible print in that floor he thousand times ran on.

That sound. The door slammed. The walls trembled. The room seemed resounded in a giant echo. Like a farewell. A farewell lost in the dark night. Because nobody understood. They didn't understood it was the last time they see him with wide open eyes, his breath lost in the night mist.

The last thing Jongup remembered was the sound, so weak, of sobs in the silent room.
And he fell asleep, and opened his eyes the next morning.

The voice of Yongguk woke him up from his trouble mind.
- Hello Jongup.
- Hello hyung.
- What a terrible night, wasn't it ? Are you alright ?
Jongup felt another throbbing pain in his head.
- Just... Just a headache.
- Take that.
Yongguk threw some pills on the table. Jongup took them and swallowed hardly.
- Thank you hyung. You always have a solution.
Yongguk smiled a second, but immediately thought of reality.
- Daehyun didn't wake up ?
- I'm surprised too. He's always the first.
- He probably have a hangover.
Yongguk took a mouthful of coffee. The silent settled in the room. They could hear the sound of the clock counting the seconds.
Finally, they heard Himchan waking up Zelo. They both sat next to Yongguk and Jongup and yawned at the sale time.
- Hello everyone.
- Hello hyungs.
Yongguk looked at them and filled two cups of coffee.
- Himchan, how is your back ?
- Oh, it could be worse. I just have to change the bandage when I have time.
- Okay, take care of it. And Zelo, how are you ?
- It's al...
Himchan laughed and replied :
- He just drank a beer and he immedialy fell asleep ! It's our Zelo, out little...
- Hyung, I thing what you did is even more... stupid.
- Hey ! You punk ! You're talking to your hyu...
- Stop stop stop !
They calm down with the deep voice of Yongguk.
- Try to calm down okay ? What happened last night is still in our minds. We don't want that to happen again...
His voice died in his throat.
Youngjae, his eyes red, his lips trembling, appeared in the kitchen.
- Youngjae ! Why ?.. Are you alright ?
Youngjae didn't answered and sat down. He didn't say a word and started to drink slowly his cup of coffee. Yongguk insisted :
- Youngjae, where is Daehyun ? Is he still sleeping ?
Youngjae spat his coffee on the table and coughed. After breathing once or twice, he articulated :
- Wh-what ! Daehyun isn't here ?
- No, we thought that he was sleeping !
- No, no, no. It isn't... He must had slept with a friend...
- Youngjae ! What happened ! Yongguk voice started being impatient.

- He can't. He can't be gone.

 

Daehyun didn't answer to the phone. And his friends didn't know where was him. Yongguk tried to ask Youngjae what happened last night, but he only answered :
- lt's all my fault. It's all my fault.
They spent their day staying in the room, waiting if the door will open, jumping if the phone will ring.
But none of this happened. Jongup had an idea. Maybe it will not make Daehyun come back, but it will break the tough atmosphere.
- If we go outside. If he come back, he will call us.
- No. The answer of Youngjae was rude. We have to wait him here.
- I'm trapped here. I'll just take some fresh air.
- I go with you ! Zelo ran to Jongup and took his arm, like a lost child.
- See you later, Himchan said, his eyes kept on the screen of his phone.

Jongup and Zelo went outside. Jongup took a deep breath of fresh air, and asked Zelo to do the same thing. Zelo opened his mouth, but immediately bursted into tears.
- I-I'm scared for hyung. I miss him. If he doesn't come back ?
Jongup hugged him tightly. Zelo was too young for a tragedy.
- Don't be scared. He will come back.
Jongup thought for himself :
Please, can it be true ?

Jongup hugged Zelo until he stopped crying. They started to walk on the street, avoiding, the big roads where they could be recognized. Zelo started to speak :
- I just realize. People seems so important and we missed them so much once they're gone. Why can't we enjoy being with them when they're here ?
Jongup swallowed. It seemed like Zelo grown so much in a few minutes, like a mature adult. He answered :
- Maybe it's being an human. Human don't enjoy the things he have. He always want more and more. And when he lost what he always had on his side, this absence make his life empty. One person is gone. And their world is destroyed. But these people who aren't there anymore, are they really want to be painfully remembered ?
- I think humans don't think of the impact of this sadness. I think this sadness is create by the desire of being different. Be the one who is hurt the most. They're trapped in their own wish of sadness. But they didn't know who is hurting. It's not them.
Jongup clenched his fists.
- No. They didn't see around them, only their dark thoughts. But the ones hurting the most, it's not them. It's the ones who love them the most. The persons seeing them sinking are the most affected. They think it's all their fault if they're not happy. Unable to do anything. Guilty.
Zelo looked at him with eyes wide open.
- Hyung...
- People who think so lightly of their own lives do not have the right to protect anyone.

 

Jongup and Zelo decided to go back in the room. They both didn't know what happened, they shared their deep thoughts like it was their last words. Jongup was impressed by the maturity of Zelo, and Zelo was surprised by the sincere feelings of Jongup. They reach the door with the feeling of a weight removed of their shoulders. They opened that door, that door which knew what happened on both side. They stopped immediately their breath.
Youngjae was curled up on the floor, his phone on his hand. Yongguk was taking his head in his hands, mumbling incomprehensible words. And Himchan was crying all the tears of his body on the sofa.

Zelo looked deeply in the eyes of Jongup, with that sad horror and despair in his eyes.
No. It can't happen. Not him.

Jongup ran to Youngjae :
- Youngjae ! Youngjae wake up.
Youngjae straightened and, with his eyes filled with tears, tried to articulate :
- We recieved a call. From the hospital.
Jongup held his breath. His heart banged against his chest.
- Daehyun...
Saying his name seemed to be painful for Youngjae.
- He had a car accident. A truck crashed his car. He's in a deep coma. He's between life and death. Youngjae let his tears fall with a rending cry.
Jongup mind stopped. He was really gone. Zelo burst into tears :
- Hyung said he will come back !
Jongup was dazzed.

Are this really happening ? Are we losing him ? I can't believe it. If it was the last time I've see him waking up us. The last time I've see his smile. The last time he sang for his precious fans.
If it was the last time, why we had to do these things we'll always regret ?

 

They immediately drove to the hospital. A heavy silent settled in the car. Nobody was speaking, but the quiet car mean everything. Youngjae, Himchan and Zelo were sitting at the back, crying on the shoulder of each other. Yongguk was concentrate on the road and Jongup was too dazzed to cry.
We can't believe these kind of things happen, until we're affected by the fate. Why we realize the importance if a person only when she's gone ?
Jongup remembered the moments he spent with Daehyun. His friend seemed so far now. Lost in a different world.
They reached the hospital in a few minutes, and walked through the door with a knot in the throat. The heart of Jongup was beating faster and faster. The wait was insupportable. A nurse led them to the room. She couldn't say a word, certainely because of the heavy atmosphere of the silence. Floor 1. Room 004. The nurse left them in front of the door with a shy "goodbye". Jongup swallowed. The reality was behind that door. Their lives will be changed. Youngjae pulled the handle, hesitant, breathless.
When the door opened, Jongup was at first surprised by the whiteness of the room. The walls, the floor, the bed. He blinked an instant. And he saw him. Dressed of white. Like an angel. An angel reaching the sky.
He had his eyes closed, like he was sleeping. His skin was perfect, smooth, clear. Except a deep wound on the top of his head. Red. Contrasting with the blond of his hair cut around the wound. Youngjae stigfled a sream, and Zelo hide in the arm of Jongup. Himchan ran over the bed and sobbed :
- Daehyun, no Daehyun !
Youngjae took the pale hand hide in the bed and whispered :
- Daehyun, wake up. Please wake up. We are here. We are all here.
They were interrupt by a doctor coming in the room.
- I'm sorry. He's in stage 3 of coma. There is a light of hope if he doesn't fall in stage 4. You can talk to him, bring music he liked, or those thing he can remember. I'm sorry, I'm wait for an operation. I will come back to check again.
And the doctor left, as quick as he did when he came. A new heavy silence settled in the room.
Youngjae was silently sobbing, holding the hand of Daehyun like it was the only thing keeping him alive. The room was in mourning. Only could be heard the sound of the machine counting the heartbeats of Daehyun. So slow. Too slow.
Jongup could almost fall asleep by this sound of someone dying. The only thing proving he was alive.
They couldn't see the light which used to shine in his eyes. Couldn't see the smile which used to never quit his face. Couldn't see the sparks of happiness he used to threw everywhere around him. Anymore. They were lost with his weak breath.
Yongguk lost himself. He knelt down near Youngjae and started to cry with strong sobs tearing the room. Himchan and Zelo followed him and let their tears flow. Jongup reached the bed and swallowed.
This pale body laying on the white bed. It was his friend. What stayed. He didn't recognize their voices. He didn't hear their footsteps. He didn't react at their tears. What it more Daehyun or more a soul looking for the sky ? Without emotions. Without feelings. Where was Daehyun ? Was he in this body asleep ? Or was he already gone in a better world ?
Tears started to filled Jongup's eyes. His friend. His precious friend. They were losing him. They used to laugh, smile, fight together. He was leaving. Without saying goodbye. Without have the right of a farewell.
Jongup let his tears fell softly. With a trembling, he said a few hesitant words :
- Hyung. You don't have to die now. We need you. Don't left us alone. There are so much thing we have to live together. You said we will be together forever.
He closed his eyes. He didn't want to see the cold body don't answer :
- Why won't you wake up ?
Silence. Only a quiet echo. An echo which reflected all the despair, the fear, the sadness of the hearts in mourning. An echo that can't be heard. Can't be heard by the only one who was listening for.

1.