Chapter 14.

Jongup memories.

The boys let their happiness filling the room when they closed the door. They shouted, climbed on the tables, put the music on. They finally won the award of the best artist this year.
It was late in the night, but they wanted to celebrate this day until the dawn comes.
Himchan went in the kitchen and brought back beer and vodka.
- Here you are. I'm sooo happy that we finally won this award. We worked so hard and it finally happen, he said while filling the glasses of everybody.
- Not much, said Yongguk, even if we didn't have anything planned tommorow, I don't want any of us to make foolishness.
- Keep calm hyung ! Daehyun added. He was already with his nose in a bottle of beer. We can do everything we want tonight. We're freeeee.
They bursted into laughter and Zelo rose his glass :
- To us !
Himchan toasted with him.
- To us !
Yongguk smiled and added :
- To our future !
Jongup barely shouted :
- Let's be happy !
Youngjae rose his glass and overturned beer on the sofa. Like nothing happened, he continued :
- Let's stay together !
And Daehyun stood up, his glass above his head :
- Let's not leave each other !
And they toasted, drinking profusely the exciting liquor.
The alcohol flew and their mind got blurred.
Quickly, words which came out of their mouth were deeper and they easily said things they usually kept in their minds.
They decided to play a game. You know, truth or dare. They took an empty bottle and made it turn on the table. The bottle's top designed Zelo at first.
Youngjae, with that evil light in his eyes, asked :
- Truth or dare, little Jello ?
- Dare, shyly answered the maknae.
- Okay. Youngjae looked at the others members and smiled. You have to drink your beer in one shot.
The members laughed and Zelo took his drink with his trembling hands. He swallowed the beer, his Adam apple dancing on his throat. The members were shouting one shot ! Only one shot !
Except Jongup. He didn't like seeing his friend hardly swallowing the alcohol which was burning his stomac. But Zelo ended quickly, letting his empty bottle falling on the floor. They applauded and let the bottle made another turn.
The bottle continued her evil dance, turning and turning, tightening the fate above their heads.
Jongup.
Daehyun red eyes twiched and his lips transformed into a devil smirk.
- Truth or dare, Jonguppie ?
Jongup swallowed. He was too drunk to do anything. He answered :
- Truth.
Daehyun open in mouth in a scaring laught. His breath smelled all the kind of alcohol, vodka, beer, whisky. He could barely speak clearly :
- Wh-when was your last kiss Jongup ?
Jongup got upset. He said he didn't want to talk about this. It was too painful. And they didn't have to know. He clenched his fists.
- Daehyun hyung, you know that I don't want to...
- You wanted to play this game Jongup. Now answer.
Jongup was dazzed by Daehyun's words. He slowly took a deep breath and anwered :
- Don't be sarcastic, Daehyun. You know the answer. You just want to remind me that I'm an idiot, don't you ? Remind me that I never kissed someone. That no one had ever loved me ? Thank you, Daehyun. Thank you reminding me how ty I am.
Jongup stood up with tears in his eyes, looking down at the members :
- I stop your stupid game here.
And he left the table, going to the sofa.
The members looked at each other with wide eyes, but Daehyun added :
- Let him alone. He's just upset about his defeat. Let's continue.
Daehyun gave the bottle another tour in her sad carousel.
The crystal of the bottle scraped on the rough table, making a loud noise which filled the room.
Youngjae.
Daehyun looked at him with his red devil eyes, empty of any trace of lucidity. It scared Youngjae. He had never seen his friend like that before. Now, he couldn't find the Daehyun he loved so much in front of him. It was like he was an other person. But he was here. It was the real Daehyun in front of him. He was just showing that dark part of himself, revealed by the alcohol.
Youngjae bit his lips when Daehyun mumbled "truth or dare". He was the master of the game. Yongguk and Himchan were too drunk, they could just look at the scene with empty eyes. Youngjae himself was drunk too, his mind were blurred and the words jostled in his head.
Youngjae swallowed and whispered, just for Daehyun, as if they were in a crual duel.
- Truth.
Daehyun smiled, with that cold smile which freeze your bones and soul. And he slowly articulate, the scent of alcohol burning Youngjae's nose :
- What do you really think of me ?
The question surprised Youngjae. He looked at him with wide eyes, but Daehyun showed him quickly what was the real matter of his question.
- Tell me what do you think. Youngjae... Supposed to be a vocal, huh ? But what's your real talent in the band ? They can dance better than you. I can sing better than you.
Daehyun came closer, wishpering in his ear.
- Youngjae. What are you doing here ?
Youngjae bursted into a contained rage. What was he doing. But, who cares. Youngjae wouldn't let him say that without suffer the consequences. He arshly answered :
- Best vocal you said ? You're here because you're too pityfull. Look at you. Who seriously want you ? You're just lucky god gave you that voice, probably to forgot your sillyness. You don't have talent. God just had pity of you.
Youngjae opened his eyes. He wanted to hurt him. Hurt him as he hurt him with his hard words. But Daehyun had a little smirk on his lips, looking at him amused. He didn't seem to be hurt by Youngjae's words. He answered :
- Thank you Youngjae.
Ang gave the bottle an other turn. Just thank you. Just thank you for all those words burning of anger.

It's what you wanted, Daehyun. It's what you'll get.

The bottle made an umpteenth tour and stopped again.
Himchan.
Nobody spoke. Daehyun was leading the game. The alcohol was controling his mind.
- Truth or dare, hyung.
There was a sarcastic tone in his voice, but Himchan didn't notice. He answered :
- Dare.
Daehyun smiled. He knew exactly what he was going to ask.
- Himchanie, how is the night outside ?
Himchan stood up, tottering in the dark room. He tried to reach to door, but Daehyun stopped him.
- Hey stop Himchan. Why going outside by the door when you can do it by the window ?
Himchan didn't react. He obeyed like a robot, opening and climbing at the window. Staggering, he hardly found the handle and pushed it.
And it happened very quickly.
Himchan climbed on the window. The cold wind came into the room and woke Jongup up.
Jongup opened his eyes. He was trying to understand what was happening. Zelo was sleeping on the sofa. Youngjae was texting someone, his eyes kept on the screen of his phone. His eyes were red and wet. Yongguk was barely awake, his eyes closing slowly. Daehyun. Mmph Daehyun. He was rolling the bottle between his hands, his red eyes wide open.
Jongup heard a scream. It was from the kitchen.
Himchan !
Jongup ran towards him. He was only retain at the window by his hands.
- Jongup ! Jongup help me !
Jongup didn't hesitate. He grabbed his hand, but the weight of Himchan was pulling him down. The rim of the window cut off his breathing. He was slipping. The glass fragments of broken bottle screeched under his feet. He shouted :
- Someone help me ! He's, he's falling.
Himchan's hand was slipping.
Jongup found Daehyun looking deeply at the bottle, like he was in trance. He didn't react captivated by the reflection of the glass. There was nobody else.
- I need... Help.
Suddently, a hand grabbed Himchan's.
It was Yongguk. Jongup looked at him with wide eyes
- Thank you hyung. You saved him...
- Jongup. It's because of you he's alive. Don't thank me. And help me to pull him up.
They tried to pull Himchan softly, but he was in a state of choc. His back felt roughlty on the glass fragments.
- Aoutch !
Jongup ran towards him but Yongguk stopped him.
- You have done enought. Let me take care of him. I'm the one who didn't protect him. I'm the only responsible.
Jongup let him alone. He just hid behind the wall. He heard the desesperate voice of Yongguk and his heartbreaking sobs.

- Himchan. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry letting you do that stupid things. I'm just a bad leader. I should protect you. I should protect all of you.
Himchan... Please answer. Himchan...

Jongup left them alone. He didn't want to see his leader crying. It was so...

What he saw just stopped his heart.

They were here. In front of each other. Daehyun and Youngjae. Not like friends. Like rivals. Jongup hid behind the couch. He didn't want to be seen. But the alcohol blurred his mind. Burned his head. The shadows of the night swallowed him in a deep sleep without dreams.

Daehyun and Youngjae were standing face to face. Fists clenched. Eyes full of anger. Hands trembling.

Where did their friendship go this night ? Why did it hid behind the wall of their consciousness ? Why it didn't save them ? Why it didn't be here when they absolutely needed it ?

This night, their world broke into pieces.

- Get out of my way, Daehyun. mumbled Youngjae between his teeth.
Daehyun smiled, his arms crossed on his chest.
- I. Said. Get out. The voice of Youngjae started becoming impatient.
But Daehyun didn't move of a millimeter. He put his lips into a smirk, his red eyes filled with dark thoughts. He opened his mouth, the alcohol filling the room, and wishpered, just for Youngjae :
- Where are you going ?
- I'm just getting away from you.
- Oh really ?

His gaze pierced Youngjae's heart. Where was his friend ? His precious friend. Youngjae tried. He tried to persuade himself that he was under the influence of the alcohol. That it wasn't his fault. That tomorrow he will forget.
But Daehyun crossed the white line.

- Have you ever been my friend, Youngjae ?

Did that end started here ? Maybe because Youngjae took these words as a reproach. Maybe because he didn't notice the trembling of despair in Daehyun's voice.
Maybe Daehyun didn't chose the right words to let his thoughts go. Maybe he was just hoping that Youngjae will tell him how much he loved him. But the alcohol won against his weakness.
It said to Daehyun to pronouce those words.
And it said to Youngjae to understand as a threat.

Youngjae let out a scream from the too of his lungs. A silent scream. A desesperate wishper.
- Daehyun...
An instant, a light of lucidity shone in Daehyun's eyes. Eyes which wanted run and hug his friends.
But it quickly be erased by Youngjae's words.
Youngjae didn't see any reaction from Daehyun. And thought that everything was lost.

- Do you think that a friend react like this ? Daehyun. I've always been here for you. I've always supported you. I've always told you to stood up. We never gave up. Together, we never gave up. Why are you like this ? I've trust in you. You were my only true friend. I thought that we could always be. But I saw that you don't care. I don't want us to be like that. I wanted is to be together forever. But you have broken it.
Our promise. Our promise to be together forever.
I see that you didn't meant it a second.
Now please stop reminding me how precious our moments were.

Youngjae looked up. He still hope that he will find any trace of detress in his eyes. But he didn't.
Once again, the alcohol said to Daehyun to react like this. To let his deep thoughts explode.

- I thought you were my friend too, Youngjae. But I see here that you don't seem to want to keep this friendship.
And if we never have been friends ? If all of our relation was a lie ? An illusion. An illusion which made us trust that we could ever spent our lives side by side.
Me too, I hoped. I hoped that we could spend a lifetime together. See seasons passins. Grow older with each other. I hoped I promised something we could do. It breaks my heart that we have to break it.
It just...

What is worse than seeing a friend crying ?
Seeing a friend crying because of you.
What is worse than seeing a friend dying ?
Seeing a friend dying for you.

Tears were silently rolling down their cheeks. Even the eyes of Daehyun seemed filled with sadness. Maybe the hardness of his words spread the mask of the madness. Like he was realizing what he said.

But it was too late.
Their hearts were already broken.

The tears were blurring Youngjae's eyes. It was all Daehyun's fault. He was the one who pronounced these words. The one who broke their friendship. It's his and only his fault.
He screamed :

- Get out of my way ! I don't want to see you anymore.

His voice died in his throat when he said those words. He couldn't look at Daehyun.
And Daehyun was just dazzed. As he woke up from his dream.
Tears were falling down in his neck. He coudn't stop crying.
He lost his friend.
He lost the only one he wanted to protect.
And because of him.
Daehyun stepped back in the darkness of the room.
Because of him. Youngjae was crying because of him.
It was his fault. He was the only one to blame.
He didn't deserve Youngjae one second.
He didn't deserve to stay on his side.

Daehyun let one more tear fall. Youngjae was curled up on the floor.

He made a decision. He didn't have his place on his side.

He reached the door without any sound.

Step by step. Silently going back. Silently realizing that it was the only thing he could do.

He opened the door. His heart was banging against his chest. Daehyun knew that he was leaving. He knew that he will scelled the fate while closing the door.
It was the last time. But what is strange with last times, is that we don't know they are.

Daehyun closed the door with that echo screaming desperately. Screaming quietly a farewell Daehyun didn't heard.
Daehyun just wishpered, like a farewell. Like a farewell he didn't want to happen.

- I, I'm sorry. I just don't want to let me hurt you again.

And the door slammed.

In the room, the bottle fell on the ground. But it didn't break. It just continued his evil dance on the floor. It stopped is running in the silence of the room. And, like a dark promise of the fate, it pointed at the seat where was Daehyun.

Truth or dare ?

Dare you Daehyun ? Dare you trusting in the fact that you will never hurt them ? Again ?

-1