Sad promise
ι яємємвєяChapter 18
Zelo memories
Sunlight drifted on Zelo eyelids, waking him up. Between his trembling eyelashes, he saw the perfect sun lightning the entire room. It was a warm winter day, and Zelo stretched before getting out of his bed.
He opened the door of his room while stifling a yawn.
His 5 friends were already awake and were sitting on the table, waiting him.
Yongguk was buttering his toast while talking to Jongup. Himchan was making the coffee. Daehyun and Youngjae were teasing each other, probably arguing about who will be the one who will take the butter the first.
Zelo smiled. It was an ordinary day, but it was beautiful.
A perfect day.
Nothing extraordinary, but they were together.
When he saw him, Jongup got up and ran towards his friend. Himchan laughed :
- Always late Zelo. Don't be surprised if you're growing that fast. You're sleeping to much.
Daehyun answered :
- I don't spend my time sleeping. I'm a mature man. Sleeping is for children. I rather spend my time doing important things. I'm an early bird.
And he put his arms like wings and made noise of a hen.
Yongguk stopped him while adding :
- But Daehyun you weren't the one who prepared the breakfast...
Youngjae bursted of laughter an pat the shoulder of his friend :
- You prefer spending your time eating in secret.
- Ya, why are you telling lies ? I'm eating like a normal person who needs to eat...
- Your belly tell me otherwise...
And they started to squabble and laugh.
Zelo smiled and Jongup jumped in his arms and gave him a warm hug. He lift up his head and say :
- Zelo, don't you know ? We are selected for the award of the best artist !
- Wow, no, it can't...
- It's true !
Jongup started to ran everywhere in the room while shouting : no, no, no mercy ! No mercyyyyyyyy !
Zelo followed him, trying to rap faster his part in Warrior.
Yongguk laughed. This was true happiness. He told Himchan :
- I think we don't need coffee...
Himchan answered :
- If I throw the coffee in their heads do you think they will stop ?
Zelo and Jongup stopped dancing and singing around, and Daehyun and Youngjae profited sermonize them :
- Ya, you're too loud ! Respect the ears of your hyung...
Zelo childily answered :
- Why have I to respect someone who can't eat properly ?
Daehyun froze and looked at his shirt. It was stained with strawberry jam.
Youngjae bursted of laughter and Daehyun gave his a gaze like he wanted to kill him while punching his shoulder.
- Ya ! Don't laugh !
The two were gently fighting on their chairs.
Yongguk let a sigh go. These boys...
He took a look on his watch.
9:12.
- We're late ! he screamed. We have to hurry for the training, guys...
Zelo seemed disappointed :
- But I haven't eaten yet...
- Don't worry. I will bring all of you at Song Jook Heon restaurant for lunch.
Jongup and Zelo jumped from happiness while Youngjae and Daehyun were trying to eat all what their stomach could endure.
Himchan let a deep sigh pass through his lips.
Yongguk laughed a little.
Always the same. Please, if someone can hear me, please don't let them change.
They arrived 30min left. The manager was a little bit angry. But he smiled when he saw the determination in their eyes.
- Okay okay. It's the last day of the year. I can forget 30 little minutes, huh ?
The boys screamed of joy. They were overexcited during the practice, but they made good things.
Zelo and Jongup created a new dance step.
Youngjae and Himchan were practicing the new choreography.
Daehyun was singing on his own, trying to concentrate. But vainly. He scratched his head and went into Yongguk's room. He opened silently the door. Yongguk was writting words on a small piece of paper.
When he heard Daehyun, he immediately put his hand on the sheet. Daehyun gave him an angry look, but couldn't stay serious. He smiled and harassed him :
- Hyuuuuuung ! What is thiiiis ? I want to know !
Yongguk smiled under Daehyun's fists.
- It's a surprise.
- Show meeeee !
- You look like a baby.
Daehyun pouted and pretended to sulk.
Yongguk tried to grab his attention.
- Ya ! I will tell you if...
Daehyun jumped and ran all over the room.
- if you keep the secret...
Daehyun reached Yongguk and gave him a giant and warm hug.
- I promise..
- Well...
Yongguk showed him the little piece of paper filled with black .
Daehyun took it and stayed agape.
- Do... Did you really wrote.. This.
I don’t know why I still remember,
All our memories that were like a living hell.
I’ll remember our past. We were happy together.
Because of you, everything’s changed for us.
The side of me that used to be able to laugh, doesn’t exist anymore.
Love is a joke to me now; my crushed heart.
I tried everything to forget you,
I became better before anyone else.
I hoped that you would never make my heart ache.
Yeah, all of my music that we used to sang together.
Will be blasting on the streets of Seoul.
Our old habits are holding onto us,
You’re often unconsciously falling into a nightmare-like world.
But still, because I love you,
I won’t ever forget you. Yes, I remember.
..Space..
Even long after our farewell,
In the end, all I had left was the promise we made, which doesn’t exist now.
That was often the reason to why I’m where I am now.
I let that day slip through my hands,
Like a broken hope.
I’ll believe that you feel the same way I do.
I won’t ever forget. Yes, I remember.
In the end, all I had left was the promise we made, which doesn’t exist now.
That was often the reason to why I’m where I am now.
I let that day slip through my hands,
Like a broken hope.
I’ll believe that you feel the same way I do.
I won’t ever forget. Yes, I remember.
Daehyun took a deep breath, but his voice was still shaking :
- But.. But.. It's so. Sad !
Yongguk smiled at him. He stood up and put his hands on Daehyun's shoulders, looking deeply in his eyes :
- It's a thing I pray for every night. I want it to never happen. I want us to stay together..
One tears felt from his eyes. But he continued :
- Daehyun, can I ask you something ?
Daehyun shyly nooded.
- I want you to write the refrain...
- What ! But I can't...
- Please.
The eyes of Yongguk showed to Daehyun a side he didn't know.
- Please. Do it for me.
Daehyun looked down. He was also crying. But seeing all the despair un Yongguk's voice, he didn't want to see it anymore.
Yongguk wishpered :
- You promise ?
- I promise.
And they fell into each other arms. Daehyun sobbed on Yongguk's sweater :
- I-I don't want to see you like that...
- Don't worry. It can't happen.
- How can you be so confident ?
- Because we're together.
If we're together, I'm the happiest person in the world.
Yongguk heard a last sob from his friend. He lift up Daehyun's head, to see his eyes let out the last tears.
- Okay ?
- Okay..
When the practice ended, Yongguk took them at the restaurant. They sat on the table, taking of their coats. Zelo shuddered. It was very cold outside and the wind was blowing some snowflakes, making the world shine in thousand shades of white.
The stomach of Zelo growled.
Himchan hid his laughter behind his hand but Youngjae saw him, and couldn't prevent himself to burst of laughter.
They were interrupt by a waiter who brought them the menu.
While choosing their meals, Himchan and Youngjae were dying of laughter behind their menus. Yongguk took his own and slapped them with it. The two gave to Yongguk a disappointed look while putting a hand on their red cheeks.
- Well, now you can choose, don't you ?
Youngjae mumbled and Himchan looked at the menu like it was the most interesting thing in the world.
Zelo spoke the first :
- I will take grilled abalone with pan-fried ginkgo berries.
Daehyun quickly chose too :
- I think I will take the bulgogi it look so delicious ! I want meat ! Meaaaaaaaaat !
Himchan, mode diva activated, spoke with a silly voice :
- To keep my body as perfect as it is now, I will take a salmon salad.
Youngjae and Jongup chose the same dish :
- We will take bibimbap for us two.
And Yongguk ended the order :
- For me, it will be japchae noodles.
The waiter politely thanked them and went into the kitchen.
Yongguk took his head in his hands, mumbling :
- What will I do with you guys...
Another peal of laughter.
The dishes were served and they started eating. Silently at first, but they quickly broke the silence. They talked about the food -obviously-, and they thoughts went to the end of the year which was coming.
Yongguk swallowed a mouthful of noodels and ask them :
- So guys, this is the last day of the year. What are you expecting from the new year ? What are your good resolutions. Daehyun don't look at me like that, resolutions are for everyone. What are your projects. Your projects for us, and your projects for yourself.
I've been your leader for three years, and all I want is keeping us happy, and together.
So tell me. What are your wishes for this new years ?
Daehyun looked at his dish and mumbled. Yongguk smiled and asked :
- What about you, Himchan.
Yongguk didn't knew at this moment that all their wishes couldn't never be realized. That this year will not end the way they hoped. That something will just break it.
But he couldn't know. He couldn't now that their hope for a bright tommorow was already broken.
Himchan swallowed and breath twice.
- I think we could do something together. I mean, take some rest and, went somewhere lost in the middle of nowhere together. Yes, I really want to spend a week without any stress, just us together. We need a little break. Just to come stronger after. It isn't something I'm saying in the wind. I want to do it. It's important. Keeping that link which keep us together.
For my personal goals, hum, I want so much help Yongguk in composing songs. Learn how to put emotions in lyrics. Learn how to be a better me.
Well, I think it's all. And, stay beauty, obviously.
Youngjae and Jongup lift their heads from their bibimbap and coughed with the rice.
- Mister Diva will stay Mister Diva, added Youngjae, his faced turned to red.
- Hyung, I almost strangled myself with the rice. Say something smart, the next time, say Jongup.
Yongguk laughed a little and Himchan refix his hair. Yongguk asked :
- Jongup, what do you think ?
- Hum, I want to go all over the world, just one time. I want to see more place. Know more people. Drown my eyes with new colors. See how many shapes of smiles the world is made of. You know, I want to see the beauty of the world, without the blood of sadness running through my head. I want to open up my heart. Take control of who I am.
I just want to escape for a day. Escape from everything I know. I just want to keep this dream in me.
I, honestly, I'm living a life I didn't expect to live. I'm the happiest man on earth. I don't want to waste this gift by being overstressed and tired. I think a break, for us 6, is a very good thing. Himchan is right. We must spend some time together. Before it's too late.
They stayed agape. They didn't expect those words from Jongup's mouth. Jongup looked at them with and false-angry gaze :
- Why ? Did I say something wrong ? Or something too intelligent ?
They laughed a little, but the words of Jongup stayed in their minds. Yongguk tried to change the subject of the conversation :
- Youngjae, will you tell us something ?
Youngjae took a deep breath and said :
- Wow, I don't know what to say... Maybe, maybe doing something important. Yes. I want to do something important for someone. Like helping when they need. I want to be here for everyone who needs someone to speak to. I want to be a better me. I think it's important to keep that link which unies us. I want to be a good ear. If someone needs to talk, I'll be here. Really. I'll be here. I will give you my heart if you needs it. I feel like I'm not here enought for all of you.
If you're sad, if you're crying, if you want to fall down, call me. I know it's impossible to stay always happy. So please, if you have anything that make you sad, say me a word. My worst fear is have my friend broken on my side and don't even see it. We can't be happy forever. But we are together. So let's be each other strengh. Let's be the ones who lift up the ones who fell. Just... Let's stay... together.
The silence settled the table. No one was speaking. Youngjae was moving his eyelashes as fast as he could, retaining his tears. Zelo let a worried word escape from his lips :
- Hyung...
Daehyun, without a sound, gave him a warm hug.
- Youngjae... I don't want to see you cry like that...
His friend answered, his voice trembling :
- I'm not crying.
Daehyun looked up. The eyes of Youngjae were wet, but a smile was lightning his face. He smiled. It wasn't tears of sadness. It was just tears of fear of being separated.
But it couldn't happen.
Yongguk said it.
It couldn't happen...
Zelo wanted to say something. He shyly started to speak :
- Baby Zelo has something to say too.
If I could do only one thing this year, I would..
I want to make my hyungs proud of me.
I want to train all the day to draw a smile on hyungs faces. I want you to look at me and think that you are proud of me.
I want to be as good as you, one day. Every night, I think of the chance I have of being with you. The chance of talking to you and recieve so precious advices. The chance of performing on stage with your indispensable presence. The chance of being surrounded by so magnifics stars.
I want to shine as bright as you. I want to, one day, be your equal. As the maknae, I want to be a man you're proud of having on your side.
I want hyungs to be happy. I want hyungs to be with me. I want hyungs to smile. I want hyungs to never leave each other side.
I want hyungs... To stay... To stay as my precious hyungs.
Another silence. Zelo let a tear escape from his eyes, immediately dryied by Jongup.
- Don't worry. We're here. We're all here.
And he hugged him tightly.
Yongguk, while smiling as The two youngest, turned his body face to Daehyun :
- Daehyun, we are expecting you.
Daehyun swallowed, looking at the floor. It was like his mouth was so dry that he couldn't speak. But after clearing his throat and said :
- Hum, I think- I think I will spent time with the persons I miss so much. I mean, spent a little more time with me family. Yes. It will be great. I want to hug my grandmother one more time before it's too late. I want to see her smile one last time. During our promotions, I could only come back home once. I think it's important to see the light in the eyes of the ones who gave me the courage to go on.
I want to spend time being an human with feeling, with a heart, not a machine without any emotion. I want to feel human. I want to feel alive.
And- and I'm not forgetting you. You 5. You were here for me. For my dream. I was nothing, and you helped me to be the one I wanted to be. I could never thanks you as much as I want. You made my dream real. You made my life a dream. Yes, there are hard time, heavy tears, sad nights, but you helped me to stay strong.
It's because of you I'm here. It's because of you I'm happy.
I want to thank you. I wish that I will have to say what's in my heart. That your so important to me.
I wish that we'll spend our lives together. I wish that we'll never loose each other. That we will always be in each other side. That we will never be alone.
I want to spend my whole life on your side. My whole life with the ones who make me smile.
My whole life together.
Youngjae spoke the first.
- We will. It's like that. We have to be together. Don't worry. We will.
Zelo, his eyes dryied, didn't forget Yongguk.
- Hyung. I think you have something to say.
Yongguk smile and childly said :
- I think it's time to go. I pay and we go home.
- Hyung ! It isn't fair.
Yongguk smiled again and pat Zelo's head :
- Don't worry. I will tell you.
They paid and took the car to their room, trying to fill the silence with words they wouldn't remind at all. They knew something important was going on.
Himchan didn't loose a second.
- Yongguk hyung, I think you have something to tell us.
Yongguk smiled, and his deep words let a heavy silence set the room.
- First, I have something to show you.
He took some pieces of paper in his bag and gave him to them. They looked disappointed at the paper, trying to read the black letters which were filling the whiteness of the paper.
- It's that a song ? asked Zelo.
- If you want to. It can be everything you want, Yongguk answered.
Daehyun narrowed his eyes as the letters permeated his mind.
Along with the lights that turn off one by one
The hope in my heart
Disappears slowly as well
In this world where everything has stopped
When I feel like I’m alone,
I think of you
You protected me in this sad darkness
When you smiled brightly
Because of you, I’m here
I will protect all of you
Forever With You
With You With You With You
I’ll be by your side
Until always
Forever With You
With You With You With You
You’re not alone
Hold my hand
I’ll be with you
With You With You With You With You
I’ve ran without rest
When I missed you, I held it in
But, everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you
You’re the last button that will fill my heart
If you’re lonely, I’m lonely too
No one can replace you
All day, I only think of you,
How about you?
You and me, if we’re together,
Everything is OK.
You’re the ones who saved me from this deep darkness
I remember your precious tears
I want to hug you from behind
I will protect all of you
Forever With You
With You With You With You
I’ll be by your side
Until always
Forever With You
With You With You With You
You’re not alone
Hold my hand
I’ll be with you
When you’re tired and suffering, I’ll hug you
If no one’s on your side, I’ll embrace you
Trust me
So we can meet in our dreams
I’ll love you forever.
- Hyung... This is beautiful.
Yongguk took a deep breath and closed his eyes. His words resounded in the silent room.
- Guys. This song is so important for me. This song means us. It means us together.
So I want to make a promise.
His eyes started to fill with tears.
- As long as I'm your leader. As long I'm your hyung. As long I'm breathing.
I promise to make everything I can for making us stay together. I will make everything. Because If we're together, it's alright, isn't it ? Together, we are strong. Together, we can reach the sky if we want. Together, together we mean something.
Together, we can dry tears. We can found hope. We can lift up each other.
Please. I want us to be happy. I want us to live the life we wanted to. Love, cry, smile, we can do everything we want as long as we're together. Because if we're together, we can't fall.
Let's be happy, please. I'm your leader but I'm also a friend. I just want to give you the life you deserve. For all your effors, your pain, your tears. You deserve to be happy. I want to be on your side when you smile, because it's the most beautiful thing in the world. And I want also to be in your side when you're sad, because I want to show you how to smile again.
We're human. We're all human. We fall down. We loose hope. Sometimes, the only thing we want is die. But we're not alone. If we're not alone, there always be someone who can hold your hand. Let's be that person. Let's extend our hands. Let's help each other. Let's stay together.
As long as we are together, nothing can happen.
His voice was now trembling and tears were filling down his cheeks.
- Can we promise ? Can we promise to stay together ? Forever ?
Like if they were one person, they put their hands at the center of the room.
- I promise to do everything I can for keeping you near, started Himchan.
Youngjae continued :
- I trust in us. We will stay together.
- I will never leave your side, added Jongup.
- Let's be happy together. Let's stay with each other. Let's never leave forever, said Zelo, with a strong trembling voice.
Yongguk wishpered, just for them 6.
- I will love and protect you forever.
Daehyun hesitate just one second.
If it wasn't possible ?
If one day they just break into pieces and never see each other again.
No. It couldn't happen.
Yongguk said it couldn't happen.
He clung at this light hope, and closed his teary eyes :
- I promise. I will remember. I will keep this promise deep inside. I will never forget. Because we will. We will stay together.
Daehyun kept turning in his bed. He couldn't stop thinking of their promise.
Something was filling his mind, like a bad forebording.
Like there was something wrong.
He repeated the promise in his head.
We promise to stay together.
And the words of Yongguk.
It can't happen.
Daehyun smiled. He was impressed of the strenght of words
Words can make people stay.
Words can keep people on your side.
Words can heal the wounds.
Words can take loneliness away.
Words can promise them a brighter future.
But he didn't know. He didn't know that words doesn't make people stay.
They separate people.
They can't heal wounds.
They cut your heart as deeply as your can breathe.
They can't take loneliness away.
They just let you fall. Alone.
They can't promise a future.
They break it.
Because in the end it's all we had.
Some words in our head.
Some memories in our heart.
And some broken wishes lost in somewhere we will never reach.
Some broken promises we will never have the chance to keep.
And a future we will never have the chance to live.
-28.
Author's note.
Yaaaaaaay there ! Wow, I didn't expect that this chapter will be so long :O Whatever, the next chapter will be the last...
I hope you like my story, don't hesitate to comment, I'd like to have some advices ^^.
Soooo thank you for reading until here, I send you lot of love !
Prepare yourself for the last chapter and keep reading fanfics :p <3
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