It's all lies
ι яємємвєяChapter 10.
Yongguk memories.
Yongguk was walking next to the trees bordering the way. He was tightly holding a diary with a black leather cover. He thought it was a good idea. If he looked behind the trees, he could see the blue letters of the Hospital. He was a bit out of breath, but he knew that it was the last time he walks here.
He looked at the clouds running through the sky, heard the sound of the birds singing, smelled the scent of the freshly cut grass. He was happy that Daehyun could see the world soon. While hurrying, he thought of his friend. He couldn't wait seeing him. He missed him so much. He couldn't believe that his eyes will finally open. That he will smile again. That he will live. He hoped that the doctors found a way. A way to erase his memory.
Yongguk opened the door of the hospital. The whiteness dazzled him for a moment, but he walked towards the secretary :
- Hello, I'll be hospitalized here.
The little woman smiled and answered :
- Who is you doctor ? I will find you a room...
- Oh, it's not necessary. I will be in the same room of my friend.
- What's his name ?
- Jung Daehyun.
The woman looked at him with wide eyes :
- A friend ?! Jung Daehyun ?!
Yongguk smiled. The woman shook his head and looked at her computer :
- It didn't change. It's the same room. Floor 1. Room 004.
Yongguk thanked her and walked through the hospital, on the way he often went. But he knew that today was the last time. He sat down in front of the room. Room 1.004. Here it is. Same door. That door they often open with the hope of seeing him open his eyes. That door which slammed too much times. That door he will open for the last time.
A doctor came and saw him. They both greeted politely and the doctor asked :
- Mr. Bang ? I'm glad that you came here by yourself. I expected you.
He smiled and took a serious voice :
- He's ready. Blood pressure. Cerebral stability. Adaptation reflexes. Everything is okay. We can start.
Despite all the things he endured, his heart beat faster when he stood up. He was scared and excited at the same time. He will wake up. He will finally open his eyes. It was what they waited during all this time. And it was happening now. Why did he had this knot in his throat ? Maybe because he was finally seeing the finishing line of this race against time.
But he had a last role in this scene. He will close the red curtain. End the spectacle. Because it had to be like that. It always be like that...
The doctor slowly pushed the handle. And, with a smile, he added :
- Don't worry. He will surely doesn't remember anything at all.
Yongguk walked through the door, with hesitant steps. His hands were trembling. Even if he waited this moment so long, he was still impatient. His heart was banging against his chest.
Now. Now. It's happening now.
And he saw him.
Like an angel. His brown hair contrasted with his pale skin. His white clothes looked like he was in a bed of cotton, soft and warm.
This time he wasn't dying. Yongguk didn't have to worry. This time he was just sleeping. Regularly, mist was staining the mask on his face. Sleeping as nothing happened.
Yongguk tried to calm his breath. Breathe in. Breathe out. Let everything come to you...
The doctor smiled lightly. He knew that it will be a bright day. With all this diseases, this deaths, waking him up will making him love his job. Will prove that there was hope. Will prove that he could sometimes be naive. That he could, for a few minutes, escape from the fatality. That death is just an end, not a crime against life.
He shook his head. It wasn't the moment to think at these things. Someone is about to be saved now. He swallowed and looked at Yongguk :
- Ready ?
Yongguk unfastened his gaze from the closed eyes of Daehyun.
- Y-yes. I think I am.
The doctor came closer to the bed. Slowly, as if the entire world was holding his breath while looking at his hand, he approached his hand close to the mask Daehyun was wearing. The mask slipped from Daehyun's nose. Yongguk felt his heart screaming as if he wanted to escape from his chest. He felt that his lungs were about to explode. His eyes were frozen on Daehyun's ajar lips. He heard that sound he missed so much.
Daehyun was breathing. Breathing the air of the quiet room. A pure and fresh air.
1, 2, 3 inspiration. Yongguk was counting in his head the proofs that he was alive. He was concentrated on his mouth, which was imperceptibly trembling, while it tried to retain the oxygen Daehyun needed to come back to life.
4, 5, 6. The heart monitor took a regular and normal rhythm. The shadows which prevented Daehyun to see the light of the world were slowly disapearing.
7, 8, 9. Daehyun's eyelids trembled. And his eyes gently opened. His pupils dilated. It looked like he was discovering a new world.
Yongguk smiled. He missed so much that light which illuminated his eyes. He was awake. He was living.
Tears started to fill Yongguk's eyes. His dream he never thought that it will be realized one day was happening now. He couldn't believe it.
But the sad reality caught him. He will never tell him that he love him so much. That he missed him so much. He wanted to shout that he was here, that they were finally together. But he couldn't. He had a role in this final scene. He had to keep it until the closure of the red curtain. Because...
His heart stopped. His eyes met Daehyun's gaze. During a few seconds. As the time stopped. Yongguk panicked inside. And if he recognized him ? If he had not forgotten ? Yongguk's worries were erased when Daehyun looked away.
He didn't react.
He didn't recognize him.
He didn't remember anything.
In a way, Yongguk was sad. He knew that he will never see him as a friend. He will never see him as an important person. He will never hug him again.
All that they lived before was lost. It was lost in a time they could never go back in. All their memories were erase in Daehyun's mind. All these years they shared together were like they never existed.
But it was like that. Daehyun didn't had to remember.
They will never be together as before.
Like they were under the same sky, but they will never meet.
Yongguk looked at the doctors checking Daehyun. Daehyun who was keeping his eyes wide open, wondering what was going on.
It will be hard.
Don't become attached.
Don't make him likes you.
Because there wasn't any futur for their together.
Because time will quickly separate us.
And because he will be alone soon.
I'm sorry. The only thing I hope, is that you will never remember us. I don't want you to be sad. All the time I spent by staying on your side is counted.
Please, don't remember.
Yongguk memories.
Yongguk was walking next to the trees bordering the way. He was tightly holding a diary with a black leather cover. He thought it was a good idea. If he looked behind the trees, he could see the blue letters of the Hospital. He was a bit out of breath, but he knew that it was the last time he walks here.
He looked at the clouds running through the sky, heard the sound of the birds singing, smelled the scent of the freshly cut grass. He was happy that Daehyun could see the world soon. While hurrying, he thought of his friend. He couldn't wait seeing him. He missed him so much. He couldn't believe that his eyes will finally open. That he will smile again. That he will live. He hoped that the doctors found a way. A way to erase his memory.
Yongguk opened the door of the hospital. The whiteness dazzled him for a moment, but he walked towards the secretary :
- Hello, I'll be hospitalized here.
The little woman smiled and answered :
- Who is you doctor ? I will find you a room...
- Oh, it's not necessary. I will be in the same room of my friend.
- What's his name ?
- Jung Daehyun.
The woman looked at him with wide eyes :
- A friend ?! Jung Daehyun ?!
Yongguk smiled. The woman shook his head and looked at her computer :
- It didn't change. It's the same room. Floor 1. Room 004.
Yongguk thanked her and walked through the hospital, on the way he often went. But he knew that today was the last time. He sat down in front of the room. Room 1.004. Here it is. Same door. That door they often open with the hope of seeing him open his eyes. That door which slammed too much times. That door he will open for the last time.
A doctor came and saw him. They both greeted politely and the doctor asked :
- Mr. Bang ? I'm glad that you came here by yourself. I expected you.
He smiled and took a serious voice :
- He's ready. Blood pressure. Cerebral stability. Adaptation reflexes. Everything is okay. We can start.
Despite all the things he endured, his heart beat faster when he stood up. He was scared and excited at the same time. He will wake up. He will finally open his eyes. It was what they waited during all this time. And it was happening now. Why did he had this knot in his throat ? Maybe because he was finally seeing the finishing line of this race against time.
But he had a last role in this scene. He will close the red curtain. End the spectacle. Because it had to be like that. It always be like that...
The doctor slowly pushed the handle. And, with a smile, he added :
- Don't worry. He will surely doesn't remember anything at all.
Yongguk walked through the door, with hesitant steps. His hands were trembling. Even if he waited this moment so long, he was still impatient. His heart was banging against his chest.
Now. Now. It's happening now.
And he saw him.
Like an angel. His brown hair contrasted with his pale skin. His white clothes looked like he was in a bed of cotton, soft and warm.
This time he wasn't dying. Yongguk didn't have to worry. This time he was just sleeping. Regularly, mist was staining the mask on his face. Sleeping as nothing happened.
Yongguk tried to calm his breath. Breathe in. Breathe out. Let everything come to you...
The doctor smiled lightly. He knew that it will be a bright day. With all this diseases, this deaths, waking him up will making him love his job. Will prove that there was hope. Will prove that he could sometimes be naive. That he could, for a few minutes, escape from the fatality. That death is just an end, not a crime against life.
He shook his head. It wasn't the moment to think at these things. Someone is about to be saved now. He swallowed and looked at Yongguk :
- Ready ?
Yongguk unfastened his gaze from the closed eyes of Daehyun.
- Y-yes. I think I am.
The doctor came closer to the bed. Slowly, as if the entire world was holding his breath while looking at his hand, he approached his hand close to the mask Daehyun was wearing. The mask slipped from Daehyun's nose. Yongguk felt his heart screaming as if he wanted to escape from his chest. He felt that his lungs were about to explode. His eyes were frozen on Daehyun's ajar lips. He heard that sound he missed so much.
Daehyun was breathing. Breathing the air of the quiet room. A pure and fresh air.
1, 2, 3 inspiration. Yongguk was counting in his head the proofs that he was alive. He was concentrated on his mouth, which was imperceptibly trembling, while it tried to retain the oxygen Daehyun needed to come back to life.
4, 5, 6. The heart monitor took a regular and normal rhythm. The shadows which prevented Daehyun to see the light of the world were slowly disapearing.
7, 8, 9. Daehyun's eyelids trembled. And his eyes gently opened. His pupils dilated. It looked like he was discovering a new world.
Yongguk smiled. He missed so much that light which illuminated his eyes. He was awake. He was living.
Tears started to fill Yongguk's eyes. His dream he never thought that it will be realized one day was happening now. He couldn't believe it.
But the sad reality caught him. He will never tell him that he love him so much. That he missed him so much. He wanted to shout that he was here, that they were finally together. But he couldn't. He had a role in this final scene. He had to keep it until the closure of the red curtain. Because...
His heart stopped. His eyes met Daehyun's gaze. During a few seconds. As the time stopped. Yongguk panicked inside. And if he recognized him ? If he had not forgotten ? Yongguk's worries were erased when Daehyun looked away.
He didn't react.
He didn't recognize him.
He didn't remember anything.
In a way, Yongguk was sad. He knew that he will never see him as a friend. He will never see him as an important person. He will never hug him again.
All that they lived before was lost. It was lost in a time they could never go back in. All their memories were erase in Daehyun's mind. All these years they shared together were like they never existed.
But it was like that. Daehyun didn't had to remember.
They will never be together as before.
Like they were under the same sky, but they will never meet.
Yongguk looked at the doctors checking Daehyun. Daehyun who was keeping his eyes wide open, wondering what was going on.
It will be hard.
Don't become attached.
Don't make him likes you.
Because there wasn't any futur for their together.
Because time will quickly separate us.
And because he will be alone soon.
I'm sorry. The only thing I hope, is that you will never remember us. I don't want you to be sad. All the time I spent by staying on your side is counted.
Please, don't remember.
Yongguk's health forced him to stay in his bed. But it wasn't boring at all. He could see Daehyun all the day, trying to speak, to walk, to eat. He liked his sparkling eyes and his bright smile illuminating the whole world around him. Even if he fell, he always stood up. Yongguk admired his determination. He was proud when Daehyun wrote in the diary. It seemed that he liked it because everyday he was making his pen dance on the paper.
Seeing him smile was the most beautiful thing in the world. Yongguk was glad that he could see it a last time before dying. But he knew that every second Daehyun spent discovering this world, was one more second which separate them. While flying towards the future, Daehyun was going away from his past.
Everything goes as planned.
Daehyun was sleeping. Yongguk smiled. He must be tired of all this things he had to discover. During these moments when Yongguk was alone, he could let his thoughts go.
Sometimes, he looks away when I talk to him. He surely can't hear yet. And I say that I love him. That I miss him even if he's on my side. Before it's too late...
And it was at these moments that his tears flew. He cried because it was hard. Hard pretending that he didn't know him. That he wasn't the only one who was keeping him alive. That he wasn't the person he waited so long. But he had to not give up. Because he deserves to be happy. He didn't deserve to remember.
And Yongguk dried his tears before Daehyun woke up from his sweet dreams.
It was the 7th day since Daehyun woke up. Sparks didn't leave his eyes. His smile didn't leave his lips. He started to eat, to stand up, to speak. His life seemed taking at new start.
But there was something worrying Yongguk. Daehyun was looking at him with different eyes. Not like he recognize him, but like Yongguk was intriguing. Important. And during these moments, Yongguk pretended sleeping. But his heavy gaze pressed on his chest. Like he was keeping his curious eyes on him.
Yongguk continued to hope. Hope that he really had an amnesia. That he could have a normal life after. After... In a few days. He had to keep this secret deep inside.
But the gaze of Daehyun was piercing him everywhere. His eyes were revealing his soul. Yongguk was lost in the depth of his dark eyes. His heart beat faster. He couldn't support his gaze. But Daehyun put his eyes on his diary and continued to write.
Yongguk tried to calm his breath. What was this gaze ? It was as if he could read in him like an open book. But there was something behind. Sadness. Even if he just discovered a new world, his eyes were filled with sadness, as if he had lived one hundred years. He didn't have to be sad. But why ? What was he thinking of ? What was troubling his mind ?
Yongguk was scared. He only hope that he will never know the truth.
Suddently, Yongguk's throat hurt. He started to cough. Like a shadow, he felt Daehyun came on his side and gave him a glass of water. Yongguk avoided his eyes and drank slowly. They were so close. So close but so far. He missed their old complicity and their hugs. He couldn't look at the worried eyes of Daehyun. It was too painful. Seeing that face he used to put a smile on reminded him that he will never be the reason of his happiness.
It was too much. Yongguk forgot during one second the role he had to keep until the end. Words escaped from his lips before he could realize :
- Come here. Come here. There is something I want to yell you.
He felt Daehyun sitting next to him.
Don't look at him. His heart was beating so fast. Something important was happening now. The throat dry, he whispered :
- Will you tell me your name ?
- Daehyun...
As if he didn't know his name.
- Daehyun... His name resounded in his mind. It felt so good saying this name, saying it to him. Yongguk savored the echo of this word on his lips before it go. The question was running through his head. He had to know why the sadness was filling his eyes :
- Daehyun. Will you tell me why are you so sad ?
Daehyun looked away, as if he didn't know himself. While looking at the window, he answered :
- There are people in this world I miss so much. I don't know where are they. I don't know if they just remember my name. At first, what I only wanted, was that they didn't forget me. That they could quickly come here and I can hug them. That I could finally find a reason of my life here.
But isn't it selfish ? And if they only suffered by reminding me ? If the persons I wanted the most to protect have been too hurt ? If they lived happily after forgetting me.
I know how remembering is painful. I don't want them to live that. Even more if it's because of me.
I don't know what to think.
Yongguk's heart skipped a beat. His breath stopped in his chest.
He knew.
He remembered.
I failed.
Everything that I did is lost.
He will suffer.
Because of me.
Tears started filling his eyes. He tried to reason Daehyun, but he knew that it was a waste.
Nothing can overcome our memories.
They are what make us who we are. And can't be forgotten easily. They are parts of ourselves. They live in us. They are in us. Don't even try. Don't even try to erase them. Because you will never succeed.
Yongguk understood this. So he just talked mindless. He was already thinking of all the pain will came to Daehyun. How much he will be hurt by them. Tears felt silenty, head hid. Daehyun didn't have to see them. Because so much tears will flow.
- So, prepare to fall.
You will not be the only one to fall. I'm already tumbling down.
I believed that I will succeed. That you will not remember. That you could be happy.
But it was just an illusion. Created by ours humans minds.
I will die while thinking that I've broken your precious smile forever.
29468.
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