Hi! This is me, Im Yoona. Yes, Im Yoona and you're not. Kidding hehe. So i would like to tell you about my ex-es. I've got to admit, I didn't expect that i'll have this much. Because it didn't sink in to me that there are some people out there who will play with your feels. I just don't understand why love seems like a game to some people when some are treasuring it.

First of all, Let's define ex.

n. A former spouse or partner.

 

Now, Do you have an ex?

Been someone's ex?

 

But, i wonder one thing about this ex thingy.

 

Do the both of you have to be in a relationship and break-up before considering each other an former partner? Or you could consider someone as an ex even if you didn't got to a relationship but the both of you broke-up? The ones that the both of you feels like being in a relationship and treat each other as boyfriend/girlfriend but isn't committed? Or where you feel the same with that someone but the both of you is coward to tell each other? Is that acceptable or nah?

 

Anyhow, I'm still confused and don't know what ex really stands for. Not to help that Wikipedia and other dictionaries can't clear it out for me. So, i would like to tell a story about me just to share about the roller-coaster i've been.

 

Without further ado, I would start with my first "ex".

The first/bestfriend.

Her name is Taeyeon. A midget. Literally a midget. She was my neighbor back in busan. Then we met each other again here in Seoul. She has a melancholic voice. The ones that you would be soothed when you hear it. But, don't make her crack up as she's going to let out her thunderous ahjumma laugh. Promise, it turns off some guys. So i'm questioning myself why i found it cute. Maybe because i crack up real hard too? Or maybe because when you're in love you tend to like your lover's flaws? Weird but true. Love is weird. It makes you like what you used to hate and hate what you used to like just because they hate it. Example is, I don't like nuts anymore. Why? Because she doesn't like it.

 

So, what happened to us? Well apparently, we broke up. There's no more us. Just me and her. No we or us. And why we did? Because it's like those soap opera's type of breaking - up. It's where i thought i was the main lead but turns out to be not. It's the kind of "I love you but," , "It's not you, It's me" story. The most cliche you could ever thought of. Sometimes the first thing you thought of when a couple or even a married person's reason why they broke up. The other woman/man in the relationship.

The kind of relationship wherein you just feel like you're already enough but sadly you aren't. When good means you have to be better or to be sure, be the best she could ever have.

 

Taeyeon and I have been in a relationship for about, 3 years. Nothing is wrong until Seola showed up in the picture. She's the reason why Taeyeon and i broke up. And yes i do not like her. What am i, crazy? There's no frigin way that i would be able to like her. Maybe even if she do good things to me, i won't be able to like her as much. Because, how can you like someone who took away your happiness from you? How can i like someone who took my happiness? How can i like the one who made me feel that i'm not better? There's a lot of reason why i can't seem to like her. To be very honest it is. But don't get it wrong. I don't hate her. Hate is such a big word or something intense for me.

So back to my story about me and Taeyeon. With her, Is where i experienced some of my first's. Even my first heartbreak. With her is where i realized how much of a pain a break-up really does to someone. You cry for days, weeks, months, or worst, years. I guess i could believe in the saying "You could never forget who is your fist love" True. And i kinda gave it a second meaning why. It's unforgettable to me because of two reasons. First reason is because she's the one who taught me how to love. She's the one who made me feel like how is it to love and to be loved back. She taught me a lot of things. She made me realize lots of stuff. She makes me feel that it's okay to be me. That it's okay to lack in  the things you aren't good at. That you don't have to show what you aren't. Because we know each other for a long time so we know if what we're doing is something i/she dont like. Second reason is because she's the first who broke my heart. Admit it, when you watch dramas you just feel hurt and cry when the drama you're watching gets a little dramatic but you really don't know how it feels like to be hurted by the person you're romantically involved with. It's something new. Something devastating that it shakens your whole body.

Sometimes in life, We're happy with what we have that we forget to remember that there could be something bad to come. I don't mean it in a bad way though. Just in this case of me and Taeyeon. I was so happy with her that i forgot that break-up exists. I was so happy that i wasn't thinking that happiness could hurt. It's okay to be contented. It's okay to stay neutral. But try not to be contented with what you have if you know you could do much better. Because sometimes we're so contented that some people thinks that we're okay with what we have.

I didn't knew  that we we're playing jigsaw that time and sadly I'm not the piece she's looking for to complete the picture. I cried of course. You don't know how much i cried when we broke - up. You really wouldn't because I, myself, don't even know how much i have cried.

 

The next one is Sunny.

The rebound.

We met 3 months after Taeyeon broke - up with me. Sunny is a deep thinker and i like it. But sometimes she's way too deep that i don't know if i  can go to her level. Sometimes she's poetic and sometimes she's an introvert. I tried myself to understand her but something just doesn't match. Something always seems a little off between us.

When we broke - up, She was feeling the same thing. She felt that we shouldn't keep our relationship. Because she felt that I'm just using her as my rebound to Taeyeon while i was feeling insecure with her friends. I mean, how can i not be? She keeps on saying that she and her friends are 'just friends' though sometimes it feels that it is more than that. Specially her bestfriend, Hyomin. I trust her. But i just couldn't stop myself from being jealous. My relationship with Sunny only lasted for about 2 months. I got to admit, It was short but i loved her in i way i know. Though the being rebound part is true too. Taeyeon was often in my mind. And I'm sorry for that. And also that i didn't get to show her how much i love her. I know it's late but i don't want to get her back because she's too good for me. She doesn't deserve someone like me. She deserve someone who could love her that it's only her.

 

Next one is Hyoyeon.

The Joke.

She's one of those i-don't-know-if-i-should-consider kind of "ex". Why? Uhm, I met Hyoyeon at a club when i was partying with my friends. She love to dance as much as i do so we decided to form a group with Jinri. We go to different bars and clubs every night just to dance. It was fun. We make friends with other people and travel a lot together. Our group now has 7 members and sometimes we do cover and uploads it to Youtube.

Hyoyeon and i developed feelings for each other. Each look is different. The way she look at me is just so different with how she does to others. The problem is, i think i'm doing the same but we're not confessing it to each other. Even when it's just the both of us looking at each other, we always laugh it off. 

It just seemed like a joke. 

A feeling with hope that you shouldn't. A feeling that you can't conclude.

We confessed to each other but is seemed like something you shouldn't take seriously. The kind of i love you but you're not the one.

 

 

So next one is Tiffany.

The internet girl.

Do you believe that someone from a distance could make you feel more of yourself than those around you?

I do.

Tiffany is from Los Angeles, California. We have the mutual likes and dislikes at some things. We talk about whatever there is to be talked about until developing feelings for each other.

Having long distance relationship is hard. You can't see your love one when you want to, you can't comfort them when they need it, you can't do stuffs you want to, you don't do dates and monthsaries are spent having the night spent skype-ing with each other. There's many more things to point out how hard it is. But, there's also an advantage. Like, Trust. You trust her because you basically don't have the choice. You trust her and that's what keeps the relationship going. Without trust, you wouldn't be able to last long.

Trust, Takes a matter of time before you gain it but only takes a second to lose it. When someone trusts you, consider yourself lucky. It's not easy to gain someone's trust and the fact that spend their time with you. Tiffany and i trusted each other. She knows that i have no one beside her. She knows about my "ex-es" and She knows how much i love her. And so am i to her.

But sadly trust isn't enough to fulfill what we want. Sometimes there are doubts, jealousy, lies and etc. It's fine to be jealous. But too much, is just a hell no. After all, all that's excess is all that are wasted and has no place anymore. Also, lies. In a relationship, there are lies that is meant for good and lies that aren't. It's okay to lie but it's not okay to be a liar. To be what i expected that she isn't, is just too much to take. I thought we trust each other as much as i expected it to be. I thought her heart was with me but in reality, it isn't. I'm just her past time. Someone she talks to when she's bored or someone to comfort her when she needs it.

And it left me thinking. Was those i love you's and i miss you's, real or was she just bluffing it? 

Did she really tried to meet me halfway or are those just her broken promises?

I wonder if she tried loving me. Even if just for quite some time.

Because i did. Those i love you's and i miss you's is real. I work to a company at 10 am - 5pm  then i do part time teaching at a university from 6 pm - 9pm then if lucky, the group would have a gig at a bar. I did those so that i could save money and meet her. I know my schedule seemed packed but there's always a spare time for her. She's the reason why im doing this but  before i could even meet her, we broke up.

The reason is that we doubt each other that it hurts us. I don't know but, I know i still have lingering feelings for Stephanie. We didn't really broke - up because of another woman or because of being a rebound. And we're not a joke too. After Taeyeon, Tiffany is the one who i would always remember. I would always remember her sweetness, her non-stop reminders about my health, her voice, how she looks like, and specially the love that she let me feel. Maybe the feels is right for us but the time isn't. And it .

 

Next is Seohyun. 

The one that got away.

She's a year younger than me. But like one of those people who's in this kind of relationship, we always reason out that "Age doesn't matter". I was older than her but when it comes to maturity, i lose to her. Being with her isn't like how i treat a sister or a dongsaeng from our group. Seohyun always thinks like a mature woman while i was enjoying my youth. My motto in life is "Enjoy what you have until you can. Some time, you'll regret if you didn't do so." and "Do silly things so that you'll have something to laugh about when you remember them in the future"

But god said, You're too good for the people in this earth and it's time that you should stay here in my kingdom. Seohyun died because of her illness. 

 

 

Next one is Sooyoung. Choi Soo Young. But shes not that young though. Thats just her name. But anyway, she's an ex too, i think?

The Heir.

Sooyoung and i only lasted for uhm, 2 weeks? Lesser but not more than it. The reason why we broke up is because of her parents. Her parents doesnt like me and she believes that blood is thicker than water. Meaning, she doesn't think about going full time with our relationship. It's that simple.

 

Of course, we need to move on. And moving take some time. No matter how did you got your heart broken, high or low, you'll need time before giving it another go.

 

I decided resign at the company ive been working for the last 7 years of my life. I've tried to take a break from my workaholic sched and enjoy life a little. I invested some of my savings in coffee shops and some of it to buy stocks at various companies. I had enough money thanks to Tiffany, HAHA

Lucky for me, i dont have to think on which company should i invest in because while i was still working, there was an conference that the company assumed to boom for the next 5 years. I know its risky but risk is very common in the business world. 

I spent almost half of this year touring and enjoying what i could because i still could.

Love can wait. Time can't. It doesnt wait for anyone. When you have to go, you gotta go.

Im glad that im at least lucky when it comes to earning money. A scout approached me if i want to do a CF with them. I told them that i still havent acted before and would probably not how to do so. They offered me to participate in their acting workshop first before doing the said CF.

It was new and something advantageous to me. It was advantageous because its like studying a new course for free. Also the fact that i could promote our group when i can. 

 

The Work-related.

Love seemed to follow me. Seunggi oppa, he's from another company but he keeps on saying that im his ideal type. So i was shocked when he was out on my house and asking if he could court me. It took him quite some time before finally getting my 'yes'.

 

Seunggi and i lasted for about 1 year and 9 months. Being a celebrity means even the little things you do is something to them. So seunggi oppa and i  often date every night secretly. We got caught though. So the company had to confirm it. I still don't get why they need to that, seriously, confirming someone's relationship like it's some sort of drama in the big screen. We broke up because of our busy schedules.  I got busier and so was he with all those preparations for his upcoming album. 

I don't know why but it's the first time that i felt like the love have left us. Something just .. unexplainable. I love him ... but something just seems to distance our feels for each other.

 

Next but not the least, is Jessica Jung Sooyeon.

The Last. 

I met Jessica the one time when my company and her own company had a collaboration. They we're doing the designs while we're in charge of promoting it. She's always in a gleeful mood at work. It's easy to work with them. It's easy to work with her. She dresses me up like those barbie doll that is played by little kids and she's the little kid. Without even fitting the said clothes yet, she can tell if it suits me or nah. She's very cool.

After that project, we don't have a contact with each other anymore. I mean, yes she did give me her calling card but .. I just can't seem to give her a call. Specially that i don't have any business related or even a topic that would make sense to talk about.

Funny thing is that, fate seems to be keeping us to meet each other. Like the one time i bumped to her at the arcade. It was really a coincidence. I found her playing hoops when i was going to. That smile ... is out of this world. That glint in her eyes ... is something. Everything is ... unique to her. So it's the reason why i fell for her. We met a few times before i officially courted her. And when i was going to give her the ring, before i could even ask her the "Will you be my girlfriend?", she took the ring and wore it. She said that there's no need on wasting my salivain asking it because she'll already give her yes. It was embarrassing to my side of course.

Of all the ex i had, Jessica is the only one who i didn't go an on and off or having a change of heart. We don't even fought as much as the others. And, I now the longest relationship. A kind of relationship to take to the grave. We've been in a relationship for 5 years and still counting. We now also live together in the house that i have managed to build from my income.

Jessica's parents is with my parents in heaven. And she said she have a sister but they were separated when her mom gave birth to it. She's eager to know and meet her sis. The only detail she know about her sis is age, birthdate, gender and a birthmark in its neck.

 

Jessi ... 

My sooyeon ...

Why did you leave?

Where are you?

Do you know how much i miss you?

Do you know that i've been looking for you for about 8 years now?

Still lookin