Minseok sighed as he lay in bed. Still shocked from the discovery, he knew he had to confirm it through a doctor’s before completely going insane.

But that didn’t stop his mind from running rampant with thoughts of how is his life was now over, how he would lose his job as a dancer, how he would face his parents, the media, the fans.

Minseok bolted straight up. He had to find out if he was truly pregnant now.

***

Sitting in the cold, doctor’s room did little to calm his nerves. Minseok looked as though he could faint at any moment as he waited for the doctor to come back with his blood test results.

He thanked whatever higher power was out there for making such a thing as patient confidentiality because he would’ve been done for if the doctor had opened his mouth.

The doctor recognized him as the famed choreographer that had won EXO its numerous awards, and Minseok could only smile as sweat ran down his neck. The last thing anyone needed was a scandal, but luckily test results didn’t show who the father was. Seriously, thank God.

The doctor finally came through the door, lab results in hand. Minseok felt his throat dry up as he glanced at the papers, wishing they held the opposite information of what he feared.

“Minseoki, I looked over your test results and it shows that you are indeed pregnant,” said the doctor with a smile, not comprehending the look of death that had graced Minseok’s face. “You are roughly eight weeks along. I will set up your first appointment so that you can get the utmost care and information.”

Minseok couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Pregnant? Eight weeks? First appointment?

Whose life did he take in his past life for this to happen to him? Minseok felt as though he could just kill Luhan. Or better yet, rip his off and feed it to the wolves.

The thing he feared most was coming true. Abortion wasn’t even an option at this point because it was illegal. , what the hell am I going to do with a baby?

***

Minseok grabbed his laptop and searched up “at-home abortions”. He was not going to have a child. This child was going to cause nothing but destruction in everyone’s lives.

The last thing he needed was for everyone to find out, so he decided to take care of it before anything happened. After all, who cared if an eight week old fetus ceased to exist? It’s not like anyone would ever find out anyway.

As he searched through article after article, the idea was becoming more and more possible in his mind. He felt more relaxed than he had in the past two days since he found out he was pregnant.

Although the procedures were highly warned against and carried huge risks, anything was better than ruining his own life.

***

, just do it. Do it. Do it! Minseok was staring that the pills in his hands, shaking slightly from anxiousness. He held the pills that would return his life to normal, and he reminded himself of all reasons why he should just swallow them.

However, every time Minseok raised him hand towards his mouth, he couldn’t bring himself to open it and take in the pills.

What are you so scared of? No one knows anything so this will be as though nothing ever happened to begin with. Life will go on normally. Luhan will never know. There will be no scandal. ing take the pills!

At that thought, Minseok shoved the medicine in his mouth and swallowed them with a mouthful of water.

***

“So, if you look closely, you can see the tiny space where your baby is. It may be small, but it’s already growing tiny arms and legs!” said the doctor with a reassuring smile.

Minseok looked at the ultrasound monitor, heart beating fast as he felt a small glimmer of nervousness.

“Your baby looks healthy for nine weeks. I’ll prescribe you some prenatal vitamins that you must take. Eat as much nutritious foods as you can, exercise lightly, and don’t overexert yourself. That can be very harmful for the baby. Oh, and one last thing,” said the doctor, handing Minseok some paperwork.

A sound filled the room as Minseok read over the papers. A rhythmic, pulsating noise that stopped Minseok from whatever he was doing.

Minseok guiltily swallowed the saliva that had collected in his mouth, as he heard the baby’s heartbeat reverberating off the room. He suddenly wanted to cover his ears and run away from the noise, but he was frozen in his spot.

It has a heartbeat.

The thought made Minseok dizzy as he left the doctor’s room, the heart beat still pounding in his ears.

***

The whole ride home, Minseok couldn’t shake the panic that was seeping into his heart. He thought back to when he took the pills a few days before.

As soon as he swallowed the pills, Minseok felt a gust of emotions hit his body.

Liberation, relief, freedom.

But as soon as he took a step out of the bathroom, new emotions filled his body as he experienced panic, anxiety, guilt, disappointment.

He ran back into the bathroom and hunched over the toilet, making himself throw up every last pill that he had consumed. As much as he wanted to be rid of the baby, he couldn’t make himself do it.

Exactly why he had a sudden change of heart, Minseok couldn’t pinpoint the reason. All he knew was that he couldn’t go through with it.

 Maybe it was the guilt of killing an innocent child who had done nothing to deserve death, or maybe it was the thought that this was his and Luhan’s child. The child that they had made together, through whatever circumstances and actions.

Minseok knew maybe he should’ve digested the pills, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of suddenly wanting to protect his baby.

It almost angered him that he would willingly go through with everything, despite knowing the repercussions. However, he realized he felt more relief with keeping the baby than when he was trying to get rid of it.

It angered him but it also gave him a sense of security. Ah, so this is what the doctor meant when he said an influx of hormonal emotions and mood swings.

***

“Hyung, mom and dad said they’re coming for my concert in two weeks,” called Sehun from the living room where he was playing his video games.

“Really? When did they say they would get here?” Minseok asked. He had been ignoring his parents’ calls ever since he decided to go through with the pregnancy. He felt guilty for what would happen in the future, and he couldn’t bring himself to face his parents even if it was over the phone.

“Well, they booked their tickets for next week, so they can spend a week with us before the concert since afterwards I’ll be attending press conferences and other events,” replied Sehun. “Mom was asking why you haven’t been picking up her calls. It’s been a few days.”

“I’ve just been really stressed and busy lately. With the concert and trying to work on the next choreography, I haven’t had much time for anything else,” lied Minseok. He knew exactly why but he couldn’t really share that information with his little brother, now could he?

“Okay, well just call her soon so you can get all of their flight information and stuff. You’re going to be picking them up,” answered Sehun, completely oblivious to his brother’s lies. “Hyung, our first on-stage rehearsal is in two days so don’t be stressed out. Everyone’s been working hard, and Luhan’s even gotten all the moves down. That should tell you something.”

At the mention of Luhan, Minseok felt his heart beat pick up pace. He had decided all on his own to have their child, but he hadn’t even thought of what Luhan would have to say. Would he tell him to abort it?

Of course he would. He’s an idol. The last thing he would want is to have a baby when his career is at the top, thought Minseok as he finished preparing their dinner.

Minseok had no plans of telling Luhan that he was pregnant, but the latter would find out eventually when Minseok started showing. Exactly how did he plan to keep this a secret?