Chapter 18
Complicated LoveJONGHYUN
"It doesn't matter. What's done is done and I don't care anymore what you say because they're useless. So I'm going to say this to you and you better pass this to Onew hyung - Key is mine and I will do everything for him, anything that will make him happy. And you know what, I think I changed my mind about that vacation Taemin was talking about. If Key wants to go then we'll go. But you better prevent Onew hyung from getting close to him. I know that you also want this thing between us fixed so do me that favour and I'm telling you, whatever happened to all of us will disappear. Maybe not just like that but eventually. What do you say?"
I saw the disbelief in Gwiboon's eyes but it didn't bother me. If I really want Key to be happy then all I have to do is let him do what he wants, be with anyone he wants to be with, and loosen my grip on him before he felt suffocated being with me. I'll let him do anything he wants as long as Onew hyung is not part of any of it.
"If you really want all of this fixed, then start by doing what's really right," she said as she narrowed her eyes at me. "It's not going to work if you're going to be like this, Jonghyun. This is not how things should go. If you really want Key to be happy then let him be with Onew oppa, stop making him think that choosing you is the right thing and stop making him think that you're so pitiful, taking his sympathy for granted that you're starting to control him with all of your manipulations. If you really want this to be over, get yourself together and face reality before you find yourself completely alone, before all of us - your friends - leave you all by yourself."
"Key chose to be with me not because he's pitying me, Gwiboon. He loves me. I've doubted him, questioned him about his feelings for me over and over again that I almost pushed him away from me. But each time, he tells me that he wants to be with me instead of Onew hyung not because he feels sorry, not because being with me is the right thing, but because he honestly loves me more than him. I'm not manipulating him, he is thinking on his own. I don't have to gain his sympathy because he already knows just what I had gone through and stood by me on his own accord. So technically, I'm not doing anything wrong here. I'm just doing what I think is right for all of us."
"For all of us? Don't you mean what's good for you? I mean seriously, Jjong. You're saying you're going to let Key do what he wants to do. Why? So he won't leave you? So he won't feel that you're suffocating, manipulating, and restricting him? So he won't feel that you're controlling his life? Let's be real here, okay? Even until now, you still feel inferior compared to Onew oppa. You're afraid that you might lose against him, that Key will go to him once he realizes that being with you is very stressful and that he's had enough with your bull. You've doubted and questioned him over and over and even made him prove that he really loves you instead of Onew oppa, and even without me asking I already know for sure that you two have fought a lot because of him."
"It doesn't matter. What's done is done and I don't care anymore what you say because they're useless. So I'm going to say this to you and you better pass this to Onew hyung - Key is mine and I will do everything for him, anything that will make him happy. And you know what, I think I changed my mind about that vacation Taemin was talking about. If Key wants to go then we'll go. But you better prevent Onew hyung from getting close to him. I know that you also want this thing between us fixed so do me that favour and I'm telling you, whatever happened to all of us will disappear. Maybe not just like that but eventually. What do you say?"
I saw the disbelief in Gwiboon's eyes but it didn't bother me. If I really want Key to be happy then all I have to do is let him do what he wants, be with anyone he wants to be with, and loosen my grip on him before he felt suffocated being with me. I'll let him do anything he wants as long as Onew hyung is not part of any of it.
"If you really want all of this fixed, then start by doing what's really right," she said as she narrowed her eyes at me. "It's not going to work if you're going to be like this, Jonghyun. This is not how things should go. If you really want Key to be happy then let him be with Onew oppa, stop making him think that choosing you is the right thing and stop making him think that you're so pitiful, taking his sympathy for granted that you're starting to control him with all of your manipulations. If you really want this to be over, get yourself together and face reality before you find yourself completely alone, before all of us - your friends - leave you all by yourself."
"Key chose to be with me not because he's pitying me, Gwiboon. He loves me. I've doubted him, questioned him about his feelings for me over and over again that I almost pushed him away from me. But each time, he tells me that he wants to be with me instead of Onew hyung not because he feels sorry, not because being with me is the right thing, but because he honestly loves me more than him. I'm not manipulating him, he is thinking on his own. I don't have to gain his sympathy because he already knows just what I had gone through and stood by me on his own accord. So technically, I'm not doing anything wrong here. I'm just doing what I think is right for all of us."
"For all of us? Don't you mean what's good for you? I mean seriously, Jjong. You're saying you're going to let Key do what he wants to do. Why? So he won't leave you? So he won't feel that you're suffocating, manipulating, and restricting him? So he won't feel that you're controlling his life? Let's be real here, okay? Even until now, you still feel inferior compared to Onew oppa. You're afraid that you might lose against him, that Key will go to him once he realizes that being with you is very stressful and that he's had enough with your bull. You've doubted and questioned him over and over and even made him prove that he really loves you instead of Onew oppa, and even without me asking I already know for sure that you two have fought a lot because of him."
Why does it make me so mad that what she said was right? Those times that Key and I fought and those times that I kept doubting him, they were all because I felt inferior compared to Onew hyung. I felt that I have to be the perfect guy for Key because I was afraid that I will lose him. But since he told me himself that there's nothing for me to be worried about, I have to trust him.
"Since when did you become such a huge supporter of Onew hyung and Key being together, Gwiboon? What, did your feelings for him disappear just like that after he dumped you to be with Key? Or are you just being a hypocrite? Acting all nice and righteous and wise, completely different to your old self-centered, attention and hard to please self. Because to be honest the latter seems more believable to me."
"Call it whatever you want, Jonghyun," she said as she stood up and made her way beside me. "I may be a hypocrite but at least I know how to let go of the person I love so they can have their happiness that they deserve. Sure I still have feelings for Onew oppa but there's nothing I can do if he doesn't love me back. So let me tell you and you better listen well: you're obsession is going to leave you with nothing, Jonghyun. You know very well that you and Key are not supposed to be together and yet you keep forcing yourself in between him and Onew oppa - in a picture you're clearly not supposed to be in. Let them be together and go find yourself someone that is right for you. Stop denying the fact and face it like a man before reality slaps you like a ing . So why don't you take that advice and all of this will be fixed just like we all wanted - for everyone's good."
With one last look at me, she walked out of the cafe leaving me all by myself with her words echoing inside my head. Let them be together? Does she really think I'd do that? She must be stupid to think that way. I left the cafe soon after and drove away, going on a direction farther from where Key is. What the hell am I going to tell him once I get home? That Gwiboon and I only argued on what should be done to fix this problem we have? I'm not going to tell him that. I promised him that I will fix this but instead Gwiboon and I couldn't even agree on one single thing because of opposite beliefs.
I don't want to lie to him and yet I don't want to tell him the truth. This cannot be happening. This isn't how it should have been.
KEY
When I woke up a couple of hours ago and saw Jonghyun's note on his pillow, I couldn't deny the smile that appeared on my face knowing that finally, after so many days of crappy things going on something good is finally going to happen that could actually make everything else better. Even when hours have passed and he still haven't called me, it wasn't bothering me because I know what he's doing. As I sit on the couch waiting for him, I kept wondering what he and Gwiboonnie are talking about, what they are doing, and just where they are, all the while eating the food I decided to finish cooking and watch the movie Jonghyun prepared for us to watch earlier for our 'supposed date'. Shrek movies, how romantic.
I've been waiting for Jonghyun for hours and when the time showed that it was already past midnight, I couldn't deny that I was getting nervous. Knowing his personality, I'm kind of worried of how things will turn out. He easily gets upset and riled up and any conversation with him, even if things are perfectly fine from the beginning, can end up opposite of how it should've been. Kind of like of how things end up between us sometimes. We're talking about other things - about us - and then all of a sudden we're arguing about something that we weren't even talking about. But deep down I trust him enough that he'll try to control himself, control his temper that always ruin everything, in order fix this problem we have. I know he'll do the right thing for us.
It was already past two in the morning when I heard the front door's lock beeping and the sound of footsteps on the wooden floor. Before Jonghyun could even look up my arms were already around him as I greet him with a hug, startling him completely. "What took you so long? I've been waiting for you for hours, you said you'll come back soon."
"Sorry, I... uh, ran into a few old high school friends. Remember Sunggyu? It's his birthday today and I haven't seen them in years, it was kind of hard to say no to them."
"That's why you smell like soju," I told him. I glared at him and he only kissed me. I can tell he's still tipsy with the way his eyes droop slightly and his balance a little bit off that I had to help him stand up properly and lead him to the couch. Jeez, how did he even manage to get home in one piece? Worse, he could've gotten arrested for drunk driving. Idiot. "You could've called me... I mean, I've been waiting here for hours wondering how's it going with your meet up with Gwiboonie... And if you're going to drink with your friends, you could've called me to pick you up instead of you driving with alcohol still clouding your head. You could've gotten into an accident or something, seriously..."
"I made you worry, didn't I?" he mumbled, cutting me off. He straightened himself up and pulled me closer to him, our arms wrapping around each other. "I'm sorry, Key... But you know what? Things are now fixed so there won't be anymore problems for us. Gwiboon and I talked... and we've agreed on something... But whatever it is it's not important to me, I just want you to be happy. That's why if you really want to go to that small vacation Taemin was talking about then we'll go."
"Really?" I asked him, half suspicious and half thankful at the same time. I was suspicious because even though he told me that he and Gwiboon fixed our problem already, I still don't know what they've talked about and what they've agreed on. I was thankful because he was willing to do and go to such extent of meeting up with his ex-girlfriend and even discuss matters that doesn't just involve them but those who are involved with their problem. "Are you sure about it, Jjong? You know if you're only forcing yourself about this then it's okay if we don't go. If we go and you're not happy then I don't want it. I want us to do something we are both happy with, it's not fair if it's just me. I... I really think that it's not much of big deal anyways. I'll just make it up to Taemin next time..."
"Seriously, I'm fine if we go, Key," he said, looking at me straight in the eyes and I could see his sincerity through them. "I guess I've been overreacting this whole time about absolutely nothing. I realized that I always and have been making a big deal out of stupid and nonsensical things. It is ruining everything for us and most of all it is hurting you. And besides, don't you think it's a good time to spent some time with our friends? I mean, Taemin was right. It's been so long since we're all together, we can't let something so stupid come between all of us and ruin something precious such our friendship."
As soon as he said that I couldn't help the smile that appeared on my face. I feel so happy - and even proud - that even though it might have taken a while, at least, Jonghyun was now finally loosening up. I can't blame him for being so uptight about everything after those things I've done to him. I have no right to be mad at him, to be honest. I've wronged him a couple of times and I don't have the right to think of myself as the righteous one. He shouldn't be the only one making an effort in this relationship and even though it's hard for me, I really am trying my best. I was in love with the wrong guy for years and moving on isn't that easy. But now that I know that I also do have feelings for him, it's much more bearable and that pain I had for loving Onew hyung, they were beginning to heal. That wound in my heart, Jonghyun already began to stitch it right back up. If this goes on longer, in no time I'll be as good as new.
The next morning, as soon as I woke up I just immediately grabbed my phone and called Taemin. Of course, he wasn't exactly happy that I was bothering him early in the morning but I just couldn't wait to tell him that Jonghyun and I are going as well to that short vacation. I wasn't even finished talking when I heard a loud scream from his end of the line that I had to distance the phone away from my ear.
"No kidding?!" he asked me in a loud voice.
"Yes, baby," I told him. "One hundred percent, dead serious. Jjong said so himself last night that he wanted to go, that it would be nice to spend time with all of you guys. And besides, he and Gwiboonie already fixed the 'issue' yesterday when they met up after you called us. So... There's no more problem."
"Oh, gosh... This is amazing!" he said minutes later. "I totally didn't expect that Jonghyun hyung would do that, I mean, he and I were practically screaming at each other through the phone yesterday."
"Yeah, sorry about that. Jjong... He's a bit sensitive about it so... I guess I'll see you guys in a few days?"
"Totally! Oh, I can't wait for the weekend to come already. I haven't seen you in so long, umma. Ugh, I wish I could control time so I can finally see you. Of course, Jonghyun hyung, too. Tell him I said hi, 'kay?"
The following days and even on our way to Minho's parents' vacation house, I was still feeling happy. I was smiling the whole time, and as Jonghyun held my hand throughout the drive I just couldn't stop myself from, I don't know, falling in love with him even more than I already do. It's been so long since I felt this happy. Ever since that complicated situation occurred, things have been really chaotic and stressful and now that everything's been fixed, now that we're on our way to spend time with our long time friends, nothing be could be better than this. The following days after Jonghyun met up with Gwiboon, I saw how much he changed. He was that Jonghyun again - the cocky, über confident Kim Jonghyun - and we haven't fought at all which made everything much better.
During the whole ride, he and I are just laughing and having fun, singing along the songs being played on the radio and even making fun of other people we see. It was nice to see him back to his old self and I couldn't deny just how much I missed him being like this. We were having too much fun that we almost missed where we're supposed to go, causing the two of us laugh harder. By the time we arrived, there were tears on our eyes and our stomach aching from too much laughter.
At the beach house, my happiness reached another level when I saw our friends waiting for us by the wooden picnic table. As soon as I got out of the car, Taemin engulfed me in a tight hug. "Oh my gosh, umma! I missed you so much!" he squealed, tightening his embrace.
"I miss you, too, baby," I told him as I hug him by the waist. Behind him, I saw Minho waving at us and not far from where he was, Gwiboonie and Onew hyung was sitting on the wooden picnic table, talking to themselves.
Onew hyung turned his gaze on me and our eyes met. To my surprise he was the first one to look away seconds later and even though things between us aren't as good as they used to be, I actually felt happy seeing him there. Taemin and I wallked towards where they are with Jonghyun following behind, and when I saw Gwiboon looked at us I almost ran towards her and just embrace her. When we're all gathered up by the table, Gwiboon walked up to me and I feel as though I'm seeing a family I haven't seen in years. I hugged her without any hesitation and she wrapped her around my waist in return.
"I'm so glad you're here, Key," she whispered. I felt a brief pain in my heart when I heard her say that that I just tightened my embrace on her, not knowing anything to say, hoping that I'll be able to repay her back. "I miss you."
We pulled away from each other moments later and I looked around us seeing the rest of our friends looking back at us. When exactly was the last time I saw everyone like this? To be honest, I can't remember. There was a faint smile on Jonghyun's face and I thanked him silently, thanking him for letting this happen. Onew hyung was looking at us with an expression I couldn't figure out, his lips set in a thin line and his eyes as blank as it can be. Again, our eyes met and I know I shouldn't have but it was too late to stop that smile that appeared on my face. He nodded slightly and with that I now know for sure that everything really had been fixed.
"Group hug!" Taemin yelled all of a sudden startling all of us. He grabbed Minho and Jonghyun's arms as he walked towards me and Gwiboonie while Minho grabbed Onew hyung's arm and they surrounded the two of us in a tight circle, squishing us that eventually, we all stood around in a circle with our arms wrapped around each other and our heads together - the same way we did when we graduated in high school. "The next three days is going to be the best vacation all of us will ever have, deal?"
All of us nodded in unison, with me hoping that Taemin would be right. I don't want any more crappy things, any fights, and any drama to happen. I just want to spend the next three days with all of my friends, to be the best one we'll ever have, renewing ties and relationship that have been strained because issues that came up. I want this to be over now, to just forgive and forget, move on and move forward because staying in the past isn't to change anything at all. Seeing my friends around me - the special people who's been around me for so many - I can't imagine how my life's going to be in the future without them in it. All of us have fought a lot in the past and each time, we all got through it because we just knew that things won't be the same if one of us disappears.
Nothing will be complete.
That's why I don't think I'll be able to completely cut Onew hyung off from my life - I won't be able to just forget about him and ignore him as he if never existed in my life. Because if I did that, nothing will be the same. I know that if I did that, I would do the complete opposite. I would think about him, wondering about how and what he's doing. I would reminisce those memories he and I had no matter how amazing and awful they may be. I would still think about those times he and I fought, those times he and I had the craziest escapades just because we were so bored, and even those times after everything became so complicated between all of us.
A/N:
i was actually considering of not posting this because I'm not sure if I should still continue writing.. I mean, I don't want it to become too long or anything, it's just I feel that it's not satisfying yet... Oh well... I can just continue this with a part 2, right?
anywho... back to editing the previous chaps... (I can't believe there were so many mistakes... missing words, confusing sentences... I'm so sorry about those, my lovely readers... English isn't my mother tongue, so excuse me...)
until the next update!! comment/subscribe/vote!!
- immaLocket029
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