Chapter 16
Complicated LoveA/N:
hey guys...
sorry it took so long for me to make an update and also about losing the chappies even though the one for this fic actually survived... >_<
so here it is... it might be a little crappy though, i'm too lazy to edit when i always MS word before copying it here...
- immaLocket029
ONEW
You're just making yourself look pathetic.
For the whole night, I can only think about what he just said to me. And he was right. I've become so pathetic. Drowning myself in alcohol, eating nothing but junk, and more alcohol all because of some petty heartbreak, that’s how my life has been lately. But that doesn't seem to be the case here. It wasn't petty. I just lost that one person in my life that actually meant the whole world to me, that one person who used to be there the whole time now gone all because of me, and most of all, that one person who stayed by my side while I was stupidly depressing myself over a love that wasn't even real in the first place.
Despite the pounding in my head, I knew that the only way to remedy myself of the pain is to forget about it for a while using alcohol. It's been hours since he left and I haven't moved from my bed. I somehow felt paralyzed. My legs won't listen to me no matter how many I tell them to move and let me stand. I felt paralyzed, but it was not enough to stop my emotions or the pain I feel because of him. But he was right, through. I was becoming pathetic, drinking my life away and fill myself with alcohol meanwhile he's happy and a complete opposite of what I'm currently feeling.
I've been thinking the whole night. That overrated moment where someone thinks about the ‘ifs’ and whatnot. I tried not to but somehow they kept coming. I've thought of them hundreds of times for nights but the pain each of them brought never faded. Why does it feel like everything's so much worse now than when he chose him instead of me? But I kept thinking over it, and somehow everything just became so stupid for me. He was right to call me pathetic. I'm acting a like whiny little brat after not getting what I wanted. It's too late to regret because what's done is done - no way of turning back.
Maybe I should try that - moving on. Honestly speaking it sounds so ing easy but it was too damn hard to do. I've been trying to do that but obviously I failed. Just how was he able to survive this feeling for years? I couldn't even last for a couple weeks without feeling like and yet he was able to get through for years without me even being able to tell that he was suffering each day. He was able to smile and pretend like nothing was wrong - that he wasn't hurting at all - while I only made it worse for him by being oblivious to his feelings and even whined to him how it not to be loved back. Just how long am I going to last if I tried hard? Longer than he did? Or am I going to crumble just after a couple of months like how I feel I would right now?
bzzt bzzt
Where's that sound coming from? I've been hiding inside my blanket wishing for sleep to finally take over but when I pulled the covers off of me, the morning sky greeted me. How could I have not realized that it's already morning? I grabbed my phone from under my pillow and looked at the time: 8:30am.
bzzt bzzt
The sound came again, this time sounding more impatient. I rubbed my eyes and forced myself to get up and off my bed, feeling just how heavy my body felt. I haven't been doing anything for the past few days except get drunk and yet I feel awfully tired. The buzzer get kept going off and I wonder just who on earth it is to be bothering me so early in the morning. The sound of the buzzer was starting to piss me off so I quickened my steps, immediately peeking onto the peephole to see just who it was that was already ruining my day. Despite my eyes still adjusting, I already knew who it was with how she stood in front of my door. When I opened the door, Gwiboon just walked in without saying anything.
"I see you're still alive, I thought you died considering you haven't picked up any of my calls even when your phone's on." She stood in the middle of my living room and waited impatiently, her arms crossed against her chest.
"First of all, good morning,” I told her half sarcastically and continued. “Second, what are you doing here so early in the morning and you just rudely walked in without me even inviting you in. And third, no, I'm not dead though I think I'm getting closer with the amount of alcohol I consumed just this week."
Gwiboon walked closer to me and her stern expression turned softer. "Oppa, I'm just curious, that's all. So what happened? Are you and Key finally together? Tell me the details. I've been dying to find out what happened after, you know, our break up, because gosh I don't even feel upset or heartbroken or anything. I'm always thinking about you and Key and how everything turned out between the two of you." She looked so happy and excited that somehow it made me feel better that she wasn't feeling the same way as I was. Even in the morning she's already so cheerful, whoever she ends up with is going to be one lucky guy.
Taking her hand, I brought her towards the couch and made her sit, taking the space next to her as well. "Gwiboon-ah, Key left me. He's... He's with Jonghyun now and I don't think it's going to work between me and him anymore."
Her eyes widened a bit after the words left my mouth, her expression immediately changing to something else. "How come? Aren't you two in love with each other so why is he still with Jonghyun oppa? You two are supposed to be together not them, it's not fair. I mean he's been in love with you for years and it's not like he can move on just like that because if he can he would've done it long ago not when you finally realized your feelings for him." Gwiboon started rambling endlessly as she kept going, eventually stopping to take a breath. "Where is he? I want to talk to him, I'll try to convince him and make him change his mind."
Gwiboon was about to stand up when I stopped her, making her sit back down. "He lives with Jonghyun now, he already took most of his things with him."
"And you just let him go like that?" she exclaimed, the loudness of her voice causing vibrations in my head increasing the pain from the lack of sleep. She must have noticed when I cringed when she apologized right away. "Why'd you let him, oppa? You should've stopped him, hm?"
"How can I? He already made up his mind even when..." I immediately stopped myself before I could anything more, realizing that even until I hadn't told Gwiboon everything even though we broke up.
She continued to look at me, her expression slowly turning to a puzzled one. "Don't stop talking when you're in the middle of your sentence. Even when what?"
"I don't know if I should tell you this, Boon. I..."
"Just tell me, Lee Jinki. Right now I really don't care whatever you did so just say it."
I don't have the slightest clue how to tell her exactly everything and even though I kept thinking about it more I somehow wanted to buy more time before I tell her. As she stared at me I only kept pondering whether he should tell her the truth or lie and say something else until even I wanted to slap myself. In the end I decided to be honest to her to get rid of the remaining guilt I still have within me for breaking up with her. In one deep breath I began, "Key and I slept together before you and I broke up. When I left, I realized that I'm in love with him so I came back even when I knew that he and Jonghyun are already in a relationship. I told him and that's when it kind of happened. He told me he loves me and then not long after he told me we can't be together because he wanted to be Jonghyun. And to be honest I felt like he just used me."
I expected Gwiboon to get mad at me, to scream at me or even hit me because honestly I deserve it. Even when Key tried to stop me from breaking up with, I still did it despite the fact that I wasn't being fair at all to Gwiboon. I made her fall for me with the thought that I was in love with her and then broke up with her realizing that I wasn't. But instead she just stared with almost an understanding look on her face that confused me a little. "Aren't you going to say anything?" I asked carefully.
She sighed as she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, letting her breath escape from . She only did the same thing a couple of times before finally opening her eyes and looked at me. "You are so stupid! He obviously used you, how could you not see that? You told him you love him, he took advantage of it and he left you. Add the fact that he went back to Jjong after what happened between the two of you. If he really loves you, he would've chosen you and not him. How long have they been living together?"
"A couple of weeks," I replied. "He came by yesterday to get the rest of his stuff. He was still trying to explain himself, that what he did was the best for all of us. He even told me that he still has feelings for me but he was starting to have feelings for Jonghyun as well."
"Is he serious? How can he love both of you at the same time?" Gwiboon exclaimed.
She stood up in front of me and started pacing back and forth, her hand going to her temples as she rubbed it in circular motion. Seeing her like this somehow made me feel kind of ashamed. We've already broken up and yet she was still helping me with my own problems with love. And just like that I wondered again what kind of an idiot am I for not even falling in love with her instead. "I was stupid, Gwiboon. It's my fault why he left in the first place. If I hadn't been so oblivious about everything I would have realized sooner what I really feel. He's been waiting for me for years and I guess he got sick of it and moved on."
"Moved on? He just told you he still has feelings for you, didn't he? That's not him moving on and even if he did, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have let what happened between the two of you happen in the first place. If had already moved on, he shouldn't have gone here and told you he still loves you."
"Gwiboon..." My voice trailed off as I looked up at her. "I was too late," I whispered, feeling a strong pain in my chest that I felt like clawing my heart out just to make it disappear. "If he's already moving on, don't you think it's much better if I do the same?"
She sat down beside me and took my hand in hers, giving it a squeeze. "So what if you're late?" she asked. "A lot of people wait for years to be with the one they love once again, some until they're old enough to be grandparents and yet they still waited because that's how much they believe in love. Haven’t you heard of those couples who used to be high school sweetheart and yet after like what, fifty years, they met again and got married? Are you just going to end it here, oppa? You're not going to make him see that you're here now, that you're the right one for him instead of Jonghyun?"
"Why do you want me and Key to be together anyway?" I asked back, somehow confused why she's being like this.
"Because," she started, letting go of my hand and clasped her hands together on her lap. "Ever since I felt that Key has feelings for you, I've always wondered how the two of you will be together as a couple. He's truly in love with you, and I know I should have at least told you about it even when I wasn't completely sure, I really hoped that you two would end up together. But then all of these started happening, everything just became too complicated for all of us especially for both of you. You and I started going out, he and Jonghyun oppa started going out, and then confessions were being said. After we broke up I really hoped that you two are finally going to be together, well, I really didn't think about Jonghyun at all so I guess I wasn't really thinking thoroughly.
I had no idea this was how she felt. I guess I should’ve realized sooner why she always talked about Key whenever we’re together. She’s always asking me how he was, if he was doing anything or whatever that comes to her mind. At times, she’s even telling me things that Key used to when we still in high school or college, the things he’s really good at that she even praises him. While I, on the other hand, kept trying to talk about other things that I asked things completely different from she was talking about. No matter what, she’s always saying good things about Key. I guess this whole time she’s been giving me hints about the things I should’ve done when it’s still early. Unlike now.
“Are you still going to end it? Are you really going to give up now and let him be with someone else?” she asked softly.
I can feel her gaze at me but at the moment I couldn’t get myself to look at her. I feel ashamed. Have I really become that stupid and ignorant to not notice such simple things around me? "Should I?" I asked her back without looking.
"I don't think you should," she replied. "But who am I to tell you what to do? I'm just a friend, I don't control what you feel and what you think. I can only tell you things but everything is up to you. Just remember though, I'll be here ready to listen - whenever, wherever." Even though she was smiling at me I can still see the sadness behind them.
I didn't say anything else and instead let silence take over around us. Even with neither of us talking, it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. We just sat there beside each other staring at the ceiling, sometimes playing quietly when she would place her leg on mine and we would try to outdo the other and then everything would be quiet again. When noon came, she managed to force me to go outside the house and have lunch with her despite the amount of whine and refusals I did. "Come on, you need to act like human again if you wanted him to notice you again. Make him see that you're doing much better than he expected, or at least completely different than when he saw you yesterday."
Eventually I agreed not because of what she said - even though she has a valid point - but because there's a part of me that somehow wanted Key to see that I'm not going to ruin myself just because of a stupid heartbreak. I don't plan on asking him to change his mind again because I knew it'll only make him upset but rather I'm going to make him change his mind on his own. I want him to see or believe that I've given up when in reality I haven't because I can't as much as I want. After talking to Gwiboon earlier I've realized that if I give up, then what? There's nothing left for me anymore. So I decided to take Gwiboon's advice and continue.
After our lunch Gwiboon decided that we go to another place, somewhere where I can feel relaxed and release the tension and pain in my body. Knowing her, I thought it might somewhere like a spa or a massage. But when I saw that it was a gym, I wondered to myself since when did she start working out?
"Come on," she told me, pulling me along with her inside the building. "A friend of mine owns this place and she gave me a membership so we can stay as long as you want to."
I haven't been inside a gym in years and I don't even know if I can still keep up considering I've barely worked out recently. "But we didn't bring anything," I said quietly to her. "How are we going to work out if we didn't bring any clothes? And what about your shoes? You're wearing heels."
"Stop talking, will you? I got everything handled already. I've been planning to take you here actually, that's why I came to your house this morning but then I guess I kind of forgot everything when I suddenly remembered about you and Key. But since things are like this, we need something that'll make you release all the anger, frustration, and everything else inside you." She dragged me all the way to the counter where she showed the guy some kind of card and the guy reached down beneath the counter and handed her a duffel bag.
"Here," she gave me the bag and I just stood there holding it somewhat confused. "I kind of signed you up for a membership as well and this is a free gift. Every member gets this as part of the membership so it's kind of a welcome gift."
"But..."
"No buts," she interrupted. "Just like you said for the past couple of weeks you've been cooped up inside your apartment ever since Key 'broke up' with you. And when I came over this morning I definitely smelled alcohol and you know I hate it when people drown themselves in alcohol whether they have a reason or not because either way alcohol is not the solution to their problem."
"Okay fine, I get it. Just stop nagging, please. I still have a headache."
"Sorry," she muttered and smiled cheekily. "Now, go ahead and change I'll meet you in a while. We're going to exercise and get rid all of the anger and sadness and everything we've been keeping in for a while."
Gwiboon pushed me towards the men's locker room and waved as she made her way towards the women's locker room. Even when she disappeared inside the room I still hesitated going in and entering the room behind me. It's true that I've been keeping everything inside ever since, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea releasing it and help myself feel better instead of making myself all cooped up inside the house while drowning in alcohol and tears. When I finally changed my clothes into something more appropriate, Gwiboon was waiting for me outside.
"Ready?" she asked and I nodded.
I initially thought that we were actually going to the machines - the treadmills maybe or something else - but instead she brought me upstairs where there rooms looked void of any machines at all. When I looked around, there were people insides the court-like rooms playing squash. "What...?"
"I figured this will be a good one to release all the tension in the body. I mean, just look at everyone. Each time they hit the ball with the racket towards the wall, it's like each hit the stress and anger decreases. Basically the harder you hit, the more you release."
We went inside the rooms and placed our bags onto the benches against the walls and somehow out of nowhere Gwiboon handed me a racket. I gave her a confused look and with a smile she pointed towards another bag beside hers. I guess she really does have everything handled already. I let her start first, watching her hit the ball towards the wall and see it bounce back to her. She hit it again a few times before I finally joined, remembering how she had done it. "Since this is your first time, it might be a little hard for you but you'll get the hang of it eventually so don't worry."
I heard the playful yet mischievous tone in her voice and in somewhat made me feel like she's making fun of me. "You're pretty confident about this, huh?"
"Yup, it took me a while to get used to it but now I can say I'm really good at it."
"Let's make it a contest then," I challenged her. Though I haven't fully tried it out yet, of course my pride as a guy is not going to let me lose to a girl despite how low that sounds.
"Loser buys the snacks and drinks?" she suggested.
"Deal."
We shook hands and we started. Despite not having any practice at all - because Gwiboon refused to let me which gives her an advantage - I was surprised that I was able to catch up to her. Each time the ball hit the wall, I was starting to much better than I did earlier - or better yet, compared to what I was feeling yesterday. I followed Gwiboon's advice of hitting as hard as I could and found out that she was right. The harder I hit the ball was almost the same as releasing my anger and frustration by hitting something. When I completely got used to it, I just kept thinking of what Key did to me. It made me angry and the angrier I get the harder I hit the ball.
"Whoa!" Gwiboon exclaimed.
I looked at her in shock as she returned my gaze with wide eyes. "What's wrong?" I asked while trying to catch my breath.
"Nothing, it's just that if you hit the ball like that I won't be able to return it back."
"Sorry, I didn't realize. What you said worked though, I feel great." I smiled at her and she returned it with a mocking yet playful smile.
The two of us sat down on the bench and took a rest, grabbing our water bottles and waited until our breathing came back to normal. I haven't felt this exhausted in my life and it feels amazing. Maybe I should do this more often, considering Gwiboon signed me up for a membership I should take advantage of it than let it go to waste.
"Told you it'll help," Gwiboon laughed as she wiped the drops of sweat on my forearms.
"Thanks," I muttered. "Yeah, it really did. When I thought about what Key did to me I just got so mad I kept thinking about hitting them with this racket. I thought I was already upset because of it, I'd never thought that I could actually feel more than I already do."
"Maybe that's why a lot of people tend to throw or hit something when they're mad," Gwiboon began, twirling her racket on her hand. "When I first tried playing squash, at first I couldn't handle it. Every time I hit the ball and then it bounces back to me but I couldn't return it, I felt frustrated. So I pictured the ball was something else and focused on it, and when I managed to hit it back it felt awesome. Whenever I hit, I just think about all the stupid that happened to me in the past and even more, the ones that happened recently."
"Is that why you've become so busy?" I asked and she nodded. "What about that ice cream guy though? Aren't you dating him anymore?"
"Nah, that guy and I have nothing in common whatsoever. The only thing that matched between us was our last names, other than that there was nothing else. After our date I just blatantly told him that I can't date him anymore and after that I've doing things to keep myself busy." She laughed to herself as she continued playing with her racket, occasionally letting it roll on her legs and onto the floor. "Besides, I've decided I should take break with relationships I mean, seriously though, how many boyfriends have I broken up with in just a couple of months? I need a break."
"I guess that's good, at least you're doing well unlike me. , if weren't for you I would still be at home trying to get rid of my hangover from two days ago."
"Well, as you can see, right now I'm the only one you got. I'm basically the one who'll help you out especially in times like these."
I knew the atmosphere shifted when Gwiboon's tone changed and when she stopped playing with the racket I knew that she's still hurting just like I was. Despite the smiles she had given me, seeing the expression on her face made my heart constrict in pain. I tried averting my gaze somewhere else to avoid looking at her, but knowing that even though she was feeling the same as I did, she was still helping me - comforting me. "Do you regret letting me go, Gwiboon?" I asked as I made myself to finally look at her, meeting her wide eyes.
When I didn't look away, she looked down instead. She didn't answer me immediately but I can tell that she was thinking about what to say. I waited for her and gave her time, knowing myself that what I asked was too sudden and completely out of nowhere. "I... I sort of do," she whispered, her head still bowed as he fringe covered her face from my sight. "I told you, didn't I? If Key doesn't take you, you can come back to me. But I change my mind; I'm not going to interfere anymore. I mean, let's face it. It's practically my fault why all of this started.
"I started to have feelings for you even when I'm still in a relationship and even when I knew that someone else has feelings for you as well - who's been there silently watching you for years - I only cared about myself by asking you out and hurting two people at the same time. If only I stopped myself, things wouldn't be this way. Sure, Jonghyun and I might still have broken up but at least you can Key are together. Not like this. Even if, let's say, that Jonghyun still fell in love with Key. What he can do, though? You two are already together, therefore he has to let go. But look at us now - this is how it's supposed to be."
"None of us expected this to happen, Gwiboon. We don't have control of it," I told her, somehow feeling ashamed that I brought it up in the first place. "I'm at fault here, too, you know. Actually I think all of us are at fault. I mean if I wasn't stupid I would've found out about Key's feelings for me and I wouldn't have pushed him away. I was the one who believed that I have someone else in my heart and I kept that thought in my head for a long time until recently."
“It’s not like you did it intentionally,” she said, her tone almost sympathizing. “No one’s perfect – everybody makes mistakes. But the most important thing is that you admit that mistake instead of denying it until the end.”
Both of us became quiet as we stared at the wall across from us, the only sounds we can hear were the other people from rooms next to ours. We even started listening to the grunts and shouts that made us laugh multiple times.
"So," Gwiboon began. "What do you want to do next?"
I thought about it, trying to figure out what I wanted to do. But then I realized there really is nothing I wanted to do after. "I can't think of anything, Boon," I told her laughing mostly to myself, somehow finding it ridiculous that I've become like this. I can't believe I'll be even more pathetic that I believed to be.
"Okay, then what are you going to do next?" She asked again and I almost repeated what I just told her when I caught on the different tone and her emphasis on 'you'.
"I don't know either, I... Key just basically walked out on me to be with Jonghyun. It just means he really didn't want to have anything to do with me if he'd come to the point of leaving me. I've tried begging but there's just nothing that'll make him change his mind." I stood up from the bench and grabbed the racket once again, taking the ball with me as I rolled it on my palm repeatedly. "But there's one thing I'm not going to do, though. I'm not giving up on him. I'm just going to do what he did, watch and wait."
Both of us became quiet as we stared at the wall across from us, the only sounds we can hear were the other people from rooms next to ours. We even started listening to the grunts and shouts that made us laugh multiple times.
"So," Gwiboon began. "What do you want to do next?"
I thought about it, trying to figure out what I wanted to do. But then I realized there really is nothing I wanted to do after. "I can't think of anything, Boon," I told her laughing mostly to myself, somehow finding it ridiculous that I've become like this. I can't believe I'll be even more pathetic that I believed to be.
"Okay, then what are you going to do next?" She asked again and I almost repeated what I just told her when I caught on the different tone and her emphasis on 'you'.
"I don't know either, I... Key just basically walked out on me to be with Jonghyun. It just means he really didn't want to have anything to do with me if he'd come to the point of leaving me. I've tried begging but there's just nothing that'll make him change his mind." I stood up from the bench and grabbed the racket once again, taking the ball with me as I rolled it on my palm repeatedly. "But there's one thing I'm not going to do, though. I'm not giving up on him. I'm just going to do what he did, watch and wait."
“That’s good then, I thought I’m going to have to keep throwing hints at you to man up and fight for him but thank goodness I don’t have to. Just because I’m helping doesn’t mean I have to do everything myself so you can have your happily ever after. I’m only your part-time wingman; I only do the easy stuff.”
I just laughed at her, somehow envying just how easy she was taking everything in. Most girls I know who have had their break up they would either be all depressed and heartbroken, crying all day and feeling as if their life had ended. But not her. She was completely different. She may be hurt but when she smile it was clear that it was real, that she not just faking it for other’s sake.
“What time does place close anyway?” I asked her, rolling the ball in my hands.
Gwiboon looked into her bag and fished out her phone, looking at it briefly. “We still have a few more hours. My friend lets people come late at night because of some of them wanted to work out without people bothering them, you know, privacy. Why? You want to stay here until then? I can stay here with you if you want.”
I nodded, “Yeah, it’s not like I have anything else to do at home besides sleep and eat. This is much better than that. And sure, why not. Having someone is much better than being alone.”
“That’s true. Just imagine yourself as a bum; I’m pretty sure no one will ever date you again. And furthermore, Key will never, ever go back to you.”
She stood up from the bench holding her racket and took the ball from me, holding it up in her hands with mischievous smile of her face. “How about we finish our game and see who’ll but the snacks? Playing squash is making me hungry.”
“Challenge accepted, but I’m telling you first hand – I’m not going to go easy on you just because you’re a girl, Kim Gwiboon.”
“Hah, let’s see how that turns out. I’m going to crush your man pride, Lee Jinki.”
As we both continued where we left off, I realized that if weren’t for Gwiboon’s help, I wouldn’t even came to realization that just because I was hurt doesn’t mean my whole life had ended. Because of her, I realized that I’m just like those girls who I compared Gwiboon with and it just made me feel lousy about myself. When Key was talking to me yesterday – trying to make me understand why chose to do it – I only felt upset that I couldn’t even register properly what he was trying to say that I kept pushing him away. But when Gwiboon said it, I was able to comprehend what she was saying and realize the mistakes I did.
Everything was so easy when she does it. I feel comfortable even when she’s practically scolding me. But when Key does it, I couldn’t stand it even he’s begging me to listen to him. I’ve loved them both somehow and yet they way I feel towards them were complete opposite. Was it because it was me who hurt Gwiboon that I was able to act normally around her? That I was able to feel like nothing happened between the two of us? Was it because Key hurt me that I feel frustrated and upset when he’s around me? That I couldn’t even function properly and even be thankful that somehow he was still trying to be friends with me? That he still wanted me to be a part of his life even just as a friend?
Being friends is much better than being strangers, right? Especially when the other person was someone who’s been a huge part your life. I may be a little too late to realize my feelings for him, but I knew all along that losing Key from my life was not something I want to happen ever.
A/N:
uhh... this chap... don't you guys think that i'm kind of dragging story a little?? bahaha oh well i'm author i can do whatever the hell i want (kidding!!)
anywho... i guess its time to tell the main pairing for this fic...
i know some of you will probably be disappointed and unsubscribe but from the very start , the pairing for this is ONKEY... (i'd really appreaciate it if the JONGKEY fans would keep subscribing to me, though... XD)
but then the story got kind of (or very) twisted that i started considering if i should do this as JONGKEY instead...
we did a poll and ONKEY won as most of you already know...
and this fic is meant to be ONKEY and changing it to another just doesn't feel right, i guess...
so there you go... ONKEY STANS REJOICE!! and to the JONGKEY STANS, i'm sorry but honestly though, i'm a huge JONGKEY shipper... their my OTP and just like any other crazy (no offense, guys) JONGKEY shipper i seriously hope they are real... they're the very reason why i started reading/writing fics and even like ... that's how much they affected me, okay??
so there you have it... until the next update!!
- immaLocket029
PS: i don't know when the next update will be because i'll be leaving for philippines this May and i won't be back until Jan... i'll keep writing the next chapter(s) though and if i'm lucky enough to get internet and update then hallelujah!!
whoever lives in the phils... Hi !!! *waving*
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