Haerin wakes up to the sun streaming through the curtains.  She could see traces of the bright, blue sky and it would have made her stretch her limbs and sigh in content if it weren’t for the headache pounding her head.  Sitting up, she groans at the sudden rush of blood into her head and clutch at her hair, setting her head between her knees.  Very slowly, she retraces her fragmented memories of last night and remember up to the moment her conversation with Kyungsoo ends due to someone else’s interception.   

“Now that you think about it, where are you, Son Haerin?”

“Holy ,” She sits back upright and frantically whips her head to the left and right when it dawns on her.  “Damn it, I’m in a freaking hotel room!”

“Next, you should check if you’re dressed,”

Haerin’s eyes widen and she glances below the covers in panic, only to heave a huge, huge breath of relief when she finds her body still clad in the dress she was wearing last night.  “Yes, I am,” She says, frowning at the way her actions seemed to be controlled.  “God, I thought I had a one night stand with some guy from Jongin’s-“

“Yes?”

Haerin shrieks in surprise at the sight of a half- Kai with only a towel wrapped around his waist.  “Son of a—Jongin, what are you doing?!” She covers her eyes and looks the other way.

“I just took a bath,” He shrugs.  “Don’t peek, I’m trying to put on some clothes here,”

“Don’t pee- What do you take me for?!” Haerin snaps, keeping her head turned.  If she’s here and Kai is too, did that mean…?

“You should be glad that every time you get drunk, I’m around,” He sighs.  

Haerin relaxes and turns to look at him as she talks, only to blush and look away again when she sees that he only has his pants on. 

“Why are you so surprised?” Kai teases.  “We’ve gotten at least this far last night,”

Haerin curses loudly and buries herself under the covers, wailing and sobbing.  “Stupid party serving stupid alcoholic drinks,”

Kai trots over to the bed and rips the covers away from her, grinning down at her when she yells at him to go away.  “Go away? Huh?” He starts tickling her sides and her neck with his fingers.  “You were so desperate to get laid last night,” He cracks up as he watches her writhe under him, laughing her head off.

“Shut up!” Haerin says in between breaths.  “I was drunk!”

“Are you going to use that excuse all the time?” Kai teases, laughing again when she covers her face with a pillow, grumbling.

He rolls away from her and lies down beside her, facing the ceiling.  

“What happened?” Haerin asks meekly and Kai chuckles.

“You were talking to Kyungsoo-hyung, drinking this thing from a glass.  Of course you had to drink the one that had alcohol in it.  So, you were pretty much tipsy when suddenly, my father came up to you to talk to you because he saw you with me-“

“, no,”

“-and you guys talked and talked and then I came to take you away, up here because you sure aren’t going home drunk and I still have a party to attend to.  But, when we get up here, you start yelling at me about how I was a in front of my dad and my relatives and those doctor colleagues and at some point, I get pissed at you because you were calling me Kai and then I throw you onto the bed and then you kiss me and then undress me and voila,”

“I’m sorry,” Haerin timidly says.  “I’m sorry,”

“Don’t sweat it,” Kai sighs.  “It did me good, anyways,”

“Thanks for not taking advantage of me, Jongin-ah,” 

“You’re welcome,” He meets her eyes and grins at her.

“Now,” Haerin gets up on her knees and pushes him off of the bed, laughing when he falls down with a loud thump.  “Get dressed, because I’m starting to get used to seeing you shirtless and that’s not a good thing,”

Kai, rubbing his head in pain, raises an eyebrow at the girl on the bed.  “You know, I’m also starting to get the hang of this.  First time you get drunk, you my shirt.  Second time, you undress me.  What happens during the third time?”

Haerin flings a pillow at him in frustration.

“Relax!” He laughs.  “I won’t do it if you don’t want me to,”

“GO GET DRESSED, KIM JONGIN!!”

Lying in bed, waiting for Kai to finish, Haerin slowly regains her memories of last night.  From her conversation with Kyungsoo, with Kai’s dad and Kai himself.  She tried to talk some sense into the two, at least.  She just hopes that it’s going to be enough to change either of their minds.

***

Nara kisses the man at her door as she receives her payment for last night.  “Thank you,” She sweetly says, waving the money in the air.

“Anytime, cupcake,” He kisses back, hands hitching up her skirt.

“Nuh-uh,” She pushes him away.  “Your time’s up.  More cash for more of this,” Her fingers shake playfully at him.

“Aw,” He pouts and Nara sighs. 

“Leave,” She rolls her eyes.

“You up for some lunch?” He stops in his tracks.

“I sure am, but not with someone who’s itching to get in my pants,” Nara gives him a once over and that made him go away for good.

Her eyes fall upon a piece of clothing on the empty corridor and noticing that it’s her uniform shirt, strides over to pick it up.

Another hand comes to do the same thing and as she looks up to see who it belongs to, her head hits the person’s with a loud bonk.

“Ah!” She hisses in pain.  “Who the heck-?”

“Sorry. Hi,”

Nara’s eyes widen in surprise.  “Haerin?” She blinks repeatedly, making sure that this wasn’t one of her hallucinations.  “W-what are you doing here?”

“I, uhh, live here?” Haerin lets out a sheepish smile and hands Nara her shirt.  

“Since when- since when were you- did you hear all that?” Nara steps back slightly.  She didn’t even know why she was so scared of getting found out by Haerin.  She didn’t know that she had wanted to be on Haerin’s good side.  And she had been trying for it, when everybody wasn’t.  She wanted to be accepted by the one person she thought could accept her for who she is.  But that’s all going to be over soon, isn’t it? That one person is going to disappear, like all the ones in her past.  And there she was, thinking that she could finally make a girl friend out of Haerin.

“Yeah,” Haerin lowers her head.  “Yeah, I heard all that,”

Nara closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before letting it out and opening her eyes to start putting up her front.  But the look on Haerin’s face made her hesitate.  What kind of expression was she showing? It isn’t pity, it isn’t sorry, nor is it disgust.  She was… “What are you thinking?” Nara frowns, thinking aloud.

“Huh?” Haerin tilts her head in question.  

“What are you thinking? What are your thoughts about me, right now?”

Haerin frowns at the absurdity of Nara’s question but answer anyways.  “I just wonder why you’re doing it,”

Nara pauses for a full second before finding her voice.  “Y-you wonder why I’m doing it?”

“Uh-huh,” Haerin nods.  “It might be the money, or it might be the—ahem—, but judging from the look on your face, I don’t think that’s it,” She takes a closer look at Nara’s face.  “Well, actually, half of it might be because of the money.  But the other half? No idea,”

Nara was flabbergasted.  There is no way she’s taking this whole deal so lightly.  She’s a call girl.  Being friends with a call girl doesn’t exactly work well with a lot of people.  Why does it seem like Haerin wants it to work out? And why is it that she, herself, wants to cooperate?

“You- I- you wanna come in?” Nara jerks her thumb towards her apartment, stumbling over her words in her state of shock.

Haerin hesitates.  “Didn’t you guys do it in there?”

Thinking twice, Nara shakes her head.  “Right, let’s go out,”

***

“Okay, look, first things first,” Nara starts.  “If all you’re gonna do is walk away, then I’m not going to bother explaining all my to you,”

Haerin raises an eyebrow at Nara.  “As far as I recall, I’m the one wondering about your situation.  Walking away would be completely illogical,”

Unable to raise an argument against Haerin’s sense, Nara lets out a quiet ‘ok’ and slows down her steps as they walk as if in preparation to begin her story. 

“My parents abandoned me when I was a baby.  Don’t remember their faces, their names, don’t remember nothing.  Some lady took me in and raised me in a slum, together with a bunch of other girls who had the same misfortune as I did.  Turns out, that lady raised girls to become workers.  Ever since we knew how to read, we were taught the ways of the adult world.  As bad as that sounds, we still went through the same thing, the same suffering together, so, those girls became the closest to family I can get to.  But they disappeared, one by one.  Suicide, homicide, running away, all that messed up .  And then I’m the only one left.  The lady who raised us—we called her Jane—she counted on me to make money.  I was her prized possession, more so than the older girls around me.  I revelled in that.  Every time I come home from one of my clients, she’d praise me, she’d tell me all the words that made me feel better and then I’d feel good about myself and I’d want to do it again.  Living in that kind of world, I kept thinking that this is how people are.  This is normal.  This is fine and this is good.  Men are mostly and the women are there to give it to them.  Money does all the work.  

But then, Jane died of cancer.  She died and her business crumbled.  Us call girls; we scattered aimlessly.  I moved here and somehow, what used to be work became a habit.  I slept around for money.  Because when I sleep around with guys, they call me beautiful.  They praise me and they tell me I’m doing a good job.  It’s nice to know that I’m actually good at something.  is the only thing I’m good at.  And at some point, I started stealing some of their stuff, because I just wanted more money, but I’ve quit that because I started to see, that enough money didn’t make me happy.  Sure, I get to by the clothes that I want, the shoes, the bags, get my hair done, nails done, and be all prissy, but that wasn’t what I was looking for.

And then I met Kyungsoo.  The only guy who didn’t try to get in my pants the moment we met.  We went out for dates, we went out for walks, for food, for trips, but not once did he say he wanted me.  He didn’t touch me, he didn’t look at me with that look guys usually give me and the kisses he gave me; they were the chastest of kisses.  Pecks, lingering kisses, but never with lust.  Just enough to show me how much he cares for me.  But with all the experience of gone-aways in my life, I couldn’t risk myself and lose him.  So I broke his heart and left with the hope of never having to see him again, forget everything, erase my feelings.  Returned to my old life and old ways.  But then, every time I did it, I’d remember him.  I’d remember his sweet self and although I act all nice in front of my clients when we do it, the moment we’re done, we’re done.  I’d be overcome with guilt; the unreasonable guilt I feel towards Kyungsoo and the only way to do it was to have .  So I did it.  Over and over again.  I want to stop, I really do.  But how am I going to feed myself? My brain is as good as a sea squirt’s and I told you; the only thing I’m good at is ,”

Haerin was listening very closely the whole time.  She couldn’t blink.  She was so immersed in Nara’s story that her coffee had turned cold, untouched.  

“Wow, I’ve never told anybody that,” Nara sighs in content, tossing her empty cup into the closest trash bin.  “That felt good.  Took a lot off of my chest,”

Haerin’s first impulse was to hug Nara.  And she did it.  She threw her arms around the taller girl and squeezed.

Nara chuckles at the gesture.  “Don’t go all mushy on me, Haerin,”

Haerin pulls away and sits down on a bench, patting the space beside her for Nara to sit down.  “That’s a lot to go through alone,” She tilts her head towards Nara.  It’s amazing how she didn’t manage to lose herself somewhere along the way.  She didn’t think she could handle it if she was the one going through all that.

“It is, isn’t it?” Nara smiles sadly.  “Even I’m surprised I can make it through.  Lots of my seniors who were left died of diseases.  Killed themselves, too.  Our relationship with each other was through work.  Nothing more.  The only time we got together and cried was the day Jane died.  And then that’s it.  We were detached from everything in the whole world after that.  Didn’t—no, couldn’t—shed a single tear,”

“Really?” Haerin asks.  “Not even when you broke Kyungsoo’s heart?”

Nara looks up to the sky in thought, frowning at the memory.  “You’re right!” She gasps.  “I did cry!” Her fingers scratch the back of her head, abashed.  “I think it was because of the look on his face and all the voice messages he left me,” She grimaces, shutting her eyes tightly.  “He was just so crushed, I can’t—God, let’s not talk about that,”

“Okay,” Haerin chuckles.  “That bad, huh?”

Nara glares at her.  “Haerin, don’t,”

“I mean, Kyungsoo, getting so desperate-“

“Haerin,”

“-over a girl? I’d really like to see tha-” 

“How would you like your head served, hm?”

“Okay,” Haerin cracks up, shielding her face from Nara with her hands.  “Okay, I got it,”

“So you’re okay with it?” Nara pulls her hand to herself and lets out a small smile at one corner of her lips.  “With me being like this? I’m fine even if you’re not,”

Haerin eyes the girl sitting beside her playfully and shakes her head.  “You won’t be fine.  You’d be pissed and sad at the same time, because I am totally the first girl friend you have made in years,”

“Oh, you are so full of yourself,”

“Oh yeah?”

Groaning, Nara looks away as she is rendered unable to deny Haerin’s words.  “Shut up,”.  When Haerin laughs again, Nara chuckles along.  “You’re pretty cool for a girl friend,”

“I am, huh?” Haerin flips her hair.  “But you know,” She stares ahead as an idea pops into her head.  “ isn’t the only thing you’re good at,”

“How would you know?”

Grinning widely, Haerin looks at the completely clueless Nara.  “I mean, huge rack, pretty face, nice hair, 170cm, great booty, long legs; doesn’t that scream ‘model’ to you?”

SUH-NAP

YEA

WHUTCHU GONN DO BOUT THAT NAO

guys u kno what

i cried today

bcs i found out that my teachers had indirectly stated that they were disappointed in me

i think i have this weird fright of disappointing people

because when i get the littlest hint that i'm disappointing someone

i just break down and cry and wonder what am i worth, what am i good for, what am i doing all that i am doing for, what's my purpose, what am i actually good at, and am i really good at it, do i have something i can be proud of, u know stuff like that

and it gets pretty depressing sometimes

and i balance depression with the other good sides to myself

but i don't have any other good sides

im not even that pretty or skinny

there are lots of people who sing better and play music better than me

u kno

sigh

but

i guess i still am thankful for what God has given me

but well as i said

it gets pretty depressing sometimes.

anyways

TELL ME WHAT U THINK ABT DA NEW CHAPPIE

LERVE ALL OF YA

MWA <3