Kyungsoo draws back in surprise.  “W-what?” He blurts out.

“Y-you-“ Haerin tears her gaze away from the guy standing in front of her with all of her willpower and clicks her tongue in annoyance.  “You shouldn’t have come,”

“I- wha-“ Kyungsoo peers into her face in an effort to read her expression.  “I what?”

Haerin is about to walk away when he grabs her hand – thankfully it was her good arm – and pulls her to face him.

Haerin freezes immediately at his touch.  “Let go,” She scorns.

“Are you serious?” Kyungsoo pushes, gripping tightly onto her wrist and inspecting her face closely, not letting go even though it was clear that she was struggling to pull away from him.  “Do you hear yourself right now?”

“Let. Go,” Haerin weakly pushes him by his shoulder with her other arm, persisting in keeping her face out of the touch of his gaze.

“Kids, is everything okay?”

In surprise, Haerin and Kyungsoo both turn their heads towards Kyungsoo’s parents, who are looking over, concerned.  Haerin uses this gap to wrench her wrist away from Kyungsoo’s grip and trots towards the living room with a smile plastered on her face.  “It’s fine, Mrs. Do, Kyungsoo had something on his shoulder.  I have to go, though, I’m really sorry.  Yunjae texted me just now.  I had an amazing lunch, Mrs. Do, Mr. Do, thank you so much,”

Kyungsoo didn’t walk her out his door and he didn’t have to lie to his parents for a reason to his behavior.  He stayed inside with his eyes trained on her back at all times, not faltering even when she glanced at him.

The moment the door clicks, his parents come to sit with him in the living room.  “She lied, didn’t she?” His father says, eyeing the door, as if Haerin would be coming back any time soon.

“About something on my shoulder and about Yunjae, yeah,” Kyungsoo shakes his head, at a complete loss over his conversation with Haerin. 

Kyungsoo’s mother fidgets restlessly.  “Who is she living with now? She’s not living with just her brother, isn’t she?”

“No, she’s living with her uncle,” Kyungsoo runs a hand over his face in frustration.  “You know how I told you what caused her injuries and mine, last week?” He asks his parents and they nod.  He quickly moves on with his words.  “She just told me that I shouldn’t have come.  That I shouldn’t have helped her because she didn’t ask for my help,” He abruptly gets to his feet and starts pacing, speaking out his thoughts.  “Sure, she didn’t, her brother did, but she could have died! Well, that may be an exaggeration, but I mean, well, she could have suffered a great trauma, nevertheless! Do you get that? Do you get what the hell she’s saying and why? It’s like she’s scolding me for doing the right thing! One moment she thanks me, one moment she curls up in my arms as the most fragile being in the whole goddamned world, one moment she apologizes, and the next, she freaking pushes me away, she blocks me out.  She has lunch with me and you guys, and then she tells me to let go and piss off!” Kyungsoo huffs in frustration, going back to his seat. 

When his parents say nothing, he clears his throat awkwardly.  “I’m sorry, that was a lot of cursing,”

“We curse, too, we’re humans, after all,” His mother brushes the apology off and laces her hands together in thought.  “But why did she say that, really?”

Mr. Do scratches his head in thought.  “Maybe she didn’t want to feel indebted to you? Just maybe,”

“Wait, wait, I got a lot of guesses coming,” The 39 year old woman beside him presses her hands to her temples.  “Maybe she didn’t want to owe you anything, yeah.  Maybe she’s just that much of an independent woman it hurt her pride to receive help from someone else,” Her husband nods in agreement.

Kyungsoo frowns at the possibilities, wondering if they were true.  Debt? Pride? That’s not it, isn’t it?

“But mom, dad,” He stops his parents from piling up the questions of what-ifs, looking at them thoughtfully.  “Could it be that the fact that I had helped her back then, made her uncomfortable because she thinks that it was driven by the feelings I have for her? To rush out like that and to get hurt like that, all for her?”

The married couple locks gazes with each other at their son’s words.  They turn and narrow their eyes at him, so close to figuring it out. 

“I mean, you know, people are like that, nowadays, aren’t they? They feel burdened when they know about someone else’s feelings for them,” Kyungsoo adds.

“What if it’s the other way around,” His father states rather than questions.

Sitting up straight, Mrs. Do runs her hands through her hair; a habit she has when she figures out a person’s thoughts.  “What if, she’s the one who has feelings for you, although unsure of them? And the way you saved her kind of showed her how you like her back, and she’s back at the beginning, denying her feelings and pushing away her own heart,”

“Maybe that’s why she doesn’t like to be touched,” Kyungsoo jumps in, sighing heavily at the realization dawning on him.  “Because touch shows intimacy.  And she doesn’t want to get intimate with anybody,” His memories reel back to the way Haerin completely changed at the sight of his injury and he huffs in exasperation.  “She doesn’t want to have a precious someone.  She’s too scared to lose them,”

***

‘Noona, you’re falling for him already,’

Haerin reflexively slaps Yunjae’s arm for what he just said.  “You did not just say that,”

‘But you really-‘ Yunjae flinches when his sister raises her hand at him for the second time.  ‘So violent, this woman,’

“Shut up,” Haerin grumbles as they both make their way down the bus.  They had part-time on Sundays, Yunjae and Haerin, as performers in a prestigious restaurant by their uncle’s house.  They landed the job a year ago, when the owner of the place, who turned out to be a good friend of their mother’s, came across the two in a karaoke place.  It was a complete coincidence, how he recognized the two as Son Gayoon’s children. 

And regarding Kyungsoo; Yunjae just had to say that out of the blue.  She told him about what happened in his house during lunch and Yunjae was sure of the guilt in her eyes.  Of how she's hurting herself to hurt him, all because she wants to push him away.  Haerin had been doing that since forever.  She pushes people away and doesn't care if she hurts herself or hurts them, because all she wants to do is encase herself in that sanctuary of loneliness she had built for herself.  Yunjae saw how this time, Haerin could barely take the pain.  When she described how Kyungsoo had reacted, Yunjae knew she regretted her actions.  Yunjae knew how much she wished she could turn back time and take the words back. 

Yunjae taps Haerin's shoulder to call for her attention.  ' It's going to be okay, noona.  Stop hurting yourself, it doesn't make things better,'

"It always did and you know that, Yunjae," She sighs, shaking her head.

'Not now, not this time.  And you know that,'

His sister leaves the sentence hanging as she makes her way into the lift, letting them ride in complete silence.  But as much as she tries to disregard her brother's words, she knows, that his words were true.  At least truer than her heart.

“My favorite performers!” The man the age of their uncle spreads his arms as Yunjae and Haerin enters his restaurant.  Yunjae rushes over to give him a hug while Haerin trots closely behind, bowing and grinning.

“Have you been well, manager Lee?” She asks.

Manager Lee pats her shoulder after Yunjae lets go.  “Of course, of course, never better.  It’s almost opening time, let’s go get the two of you changed,”

The place was pretty huge.  It was a part of a building, located at the topmost floor and connected to the rooftop.  The floors were carpeted in dark red and a sparkling chandelier hung overhead, casting bright light all over the room.  The round tables were white and clothed, scattered around the floor.  On the walls were paintings framed in expensive wood that matched the windows that looked out to the city’s skyline.  People who came to eat wore shirts and dresses rather than jeans and shorts and one single main course on the menu would cost Haerin three quarters of her monthly wage. 

Does her uncle know? No, he didn’t and he doesn’t.  Why should he?

“Yunjae, can you zip me up?” Haerin turns her back towards Yunjae, who pulls the zipper up surely.  “Ah, this shoulder is killing me,” She rolls her shoulders, only to wince at the numbed pain.

Yunjae eyes his sister’s dress and snickers.  ‘It’s single-sleeved, noona.  You always wear strapless or sleeveless or something that shows your shoulders.  You really dislike covering up that much, don’t you?’

Haerin elbows his arm and flips her hair arrogantly.  “I am an injured woman, please,”

The two laughs as they make their way out of the changing room and onto the stage for sound check.  They had an hour for sound check and then it would be opening time.  Manager Lee would send them home at 9, with a pre-paid taxi, and they would be home before their uncle is.  Sometimes, Yunjae and Haerin would come at Saturdays, too and get their payments doubled, or sometimes Yunjae alone or Haerin alone would come to perform.  And hey, they’re siblings.  They’ve got no issue with how they’re sharing the money.  They save it together and they keep it together and they use it together for together’s use.  Simple and easy.

They decided on the songs and prepared for requests.  And before 4 o’clock came, they were already on a roll.  Yunjae on the piano and Haerin on vocals, they sang songs of all genres with their own style.  It was one of the perks for their jobs; they might be tired from singing, but nothing, nothing, beats the rush they feel when the guests clap their hands for them.  The requests were no joke, actually.  Whenever Haerin or Yunjae didn’t know the songs, they had to time it perfectly so that they could have a break to know all of the songs at once before going back up on stage to perform. 

It was nearing 9 and they were coming to their last songs and last requests. 

“Do you know what it feels to ask questions nobody could answer?” Haerin introduces, refusing to register the look Yunjae is giving her because he immediately knew what she was talking about.  Haerin chuckles when some of the guests look at her sympathetically.  “But then, you find out that nobody could answer because you’re too scared of even asking.  And when you finally do, you realize that the answer has been there all along, but you were turning a blind eye towards it just because you didn’t want to face it,” She chuckles, somewhat bitterly.  “Well, this is If, by Kim Taeyeon, enjoy,”

Because I was like a fool, I could only look upon you
Most likely because I was afraid of how your heart might change and we might grow farther apart
I was such a fool, not able to tell you I loved you

Most likely because I was afraid of the hurt and sadness I would receive after we meet

Applause ripples throughout the hall and Haerin blankly bows in thanks before leaving the stage.  Her mind is going through the lyrics she just sang and only then did she understand what it actually means.  Only then did she know what kind of situation she’s going through. 

“Yunjae, stop poking my back, I am in a state of mental breakdown.  Space, I need space,” She zones out in the lift on the way down to the lobby. 

‘You know you are, noona, you know you are,’ He signs on her face and laughs when she swats him away like a fly.

“Why are you like this? Huh? Why are you acting like this?” Haerin puts an arm over his shoulder and pulls him into a headlock as they make their way across the lobby and out the doors.

She lets go when Yunjae starts patting her arm, scrunching his nose at her, playfully irked.  ‘I’ve never seen you like this before, it’s kind of exciting,’

“Like what? What’s exciting?” Haerin feigns innocence and puts a finger out to stop Yunjae before he could say anything else.  “And don’t, you dare, say that I’m falling in love,”

‘Okay, I won’t,’ Yunjae grins.  ‘But I really have to apologize to you,’

Haerin stops just at the edge of the sidewalk, turning to Yunjae in question.  “For what?”

Yunjae points at something behind her, urging her to take a look.

Haerin looks over her shoulder and goes rigid, eyes widening as she pretends not to see what Yunjae was pointing at.  “Son Yunjae, you’re a dead man,” She grits her teeth when Yunjae lifts his hand up to wave at who else?

If not Do Kyungsoo.