Fanfic link: https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/596779/telling-chunji-goodbye-angst-chunjoe-teentop-

Title: 5/5

• Does it relate to the plot?
   
• Is it a good length so between one word to one short sentence?
  
  Yes the length is suitable
   
• Are there any errors in capitalisation

None that I can see so good job

• Are punctuation marks used correctly?

There are none so it’s fine.  

• Is the grammar and spelling correct?

Yes
 

Forewords: 2/5

• Did it get my attention? 

Yes

• Was the length feasible (between two sentences to two paragraphs)?
  
  It was a bit long so perhaps consider cutting it down.
   
• Were the colours and the style/size of the font easy to read?

The light grey was a little harsh on the eyes and it is a little small.

• Did it tease the readers or tell them what was going to happen?

I think it did give away a bit too much so maybe cut it down to a few sentences? Let me give you an example:

Chunji was hospitalized; the doctor had run some tests to find out what Chunji had fallen ill with and with that, a life-changing result came to their lives.

Plot: 9/10

• Did the story start of on a weak or strong foot?

For the love story to start with them a happy couple was a good change for me so I praise you for that.

• Were there any twists or turns?

Yes I did not expect them to go to America of all places.

• Was the plot mostly unpredictable?

Yes I really did not see any of what happened come. I knew Chunji would be sick but what he would be sick with I didn’t know.

• Did the characters fit in with the plot?

Yes Chunji had a mother who cares for him as well as Niel who understands what he is going through.

• Did the settings and the themes tie in with the story?

Yeah the themes of the sickness and the couple trying to stay together and strong through it are rather clear and pointed out.

Flow: 5/10

• Was the pacing steady enough to keep it going or did it lag or speed up in sections?

I think for the overall length of the story the pace is good.

• Did the story end too early or drag out too much?

It isn’t over yet so this doesn’t matter.

• Did each chapter have a good length or was it too short/long?

For the first chapter it was a little too short for my liking but they got longer after the third chapter which is great but for the fourth chapter even though it ended on a cliff hanger I felt there should be more included.

• Did the plot get resolved or left hanging? If it was left hanging is there a sequel

It hasn’t been resolved yet but I hope that you do end this well. You can choose whether it’s realistic or not but either way make sure that it’s written how you would like it too.
 

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10

• Correct spelling

The spelling is correct.

• Grammar

I did pick up a few areas where the grammar was slightly poor so I’ll show you them and explain how they can be fixed.

He was even guiltier

The problem is we know how he feels but we don’t know why he feels guilty, the subject is missing. Does he feel guilty for not saying anything to his family or significant other? Here is a way this can be written:

He felt even more remorseful for keeping it a secret from them.

This way the next sentence can be eliminated and maybe include a few lines about their body language. How is the mother responding and Chanhee now he has told them the truth?

• Vocabulary

I didn’t notice anything wrong and it was written in a way that was easy to read.

• Could I get a basic idea of what was written?

Yes although here “Apparently, the headaches have nothing to do with the headaches” does not make a lot of sense. Did you mean to say “Apparently the headaches have nothing to do with the real problem?”

• Correct use of tense?

Yes I couldn’t see any changes in the point of view so well done. Some words were used incorrectly such as ‘prescribed’ instead of ‘prescribe’ otherwise it was kept to one view.

• Sentence structure correct?

With the speech I felt that the sentence structures lacked variation. I’ll give you an example of how it can be written to break up all the dialogue. Here is what you wrote and below it will have the same sentences with alterations.

"How can i be like; it’s okay Chunji, I'm not mad at you." He exploded.

"I didnt tell you because I don't want to be dragged to the hospital. What's the doctor going to do? Prescribed me with some bunch of antibiotics?" Chunji fired back. 

"Of course he's going to give you antibiotics!" Byunghun exclaimed.

"Office visits and prescriptions cost money Byung," he said. "Things are tight with Mom this month. She doesn't need any extra expense." 

Here is what I did with this little section.

“How can I pretend to be not and say ‘it’s ok Chunji I’m not mad at you?!” Byunghyun exploded. Chunji felt his own temper starting to flare up.

“I didn’t tell you because I don’t want to be dragged to the hospital!” He fired back. “What’s the doctor going to do? Prescribe me with a bunch of antibiotics?!”

“Of course he’s going to give you antibiotics!”

Chunji’s face froze. He began to realise other implications that would come from him being sick. “Hospital visits and prescriptions cost money Byung.” He started to say, his voice quieter than before. “Money is tight with mom this month. She doesn’t need me bringing her any extra expense.”

So all I did was I added more detail to the way they were behaving, I re-wrote the first part about the prescriptions because the tense was incorrect and ‘some’ didn’t make sense. I also included more in the last sentence because Chunji is saying he doesn’t want any extra expense for his mother but it wasn’t clear in the way it was written.

• Suitable punctuation and capitalisation?

Yes this was all correct so nicely done.

Characterization: 8/10

Three characters will be assessed and the points given accordingly

For the mains

• Could one relate to them?

.For Chunji I think there are people who have secrets and there are people on the other side such as Byunghyun who are annoyed at the person for keeping the secret.

• Did they have their strengths and weaknesses?

For Byunghyun he’s extremely protective of Chunji and his temper can make him intimidating. With Chunji he is soft hearted but it means he will not consider his feelings or needs to protect the ones of others.

• Was one drawn to liking them or loathing them appropriately?

We are drawn to liking them both and can understand their feelings.

• Did their behaviour align with their character?

I think? I am not too good with Teen top so if anyone reading this can tell me that then it would be appreciated.  

For secondary characters

• Did they support any of the main characters?

Yes Chunji’s mother really supports her son and does well to keep a living for them both.  

• Did they have suitable mention to not completely blend in to the background?

Yeah she didn’t just appear once but keeps on coming

If there's only one main then the characters will be assessed differently and the score having to equal about or less than 10

Originality: 8/10

• Were there too many clichés?

Not that I could see except for one of them being sick (thank you for not making it to be cancer)

• Did the story stand by itself?

Since it hasn’t finished it’s hard to tell. If you end it well then yes so I’m giving you 3 marks here.

Overall enjoyment: 5/10

• Is it a story I could read again?

I don’t read so while I probably wouldn’t check it again I could always suggest it to friends or subscribers of mine who enjoy angst with this teen top pairing.

• Could I relate to the characters?

Yeah I’ve been in Byunghyun’s shoes before. I’ve had someone I’ve loved become sick and struggled with the anger of not being able to help them

• Was the length suitable for me? (between 20 to 60 70 chapters)

It’s a good length at the moment so don’t drag it out too long.

• Did I feel any emotional pull from the story?

Yeah it definitely feels sad and I felt for Chunji and especially his mother who is trying hard to be brave.

Overall Score: 49/70

This is a pretty good story. There are a few things to work on but otherwise well done.

I’m not accepting requests for Jan but I will be opening up in Feb for 2 and so on up til June. It’s because I have stories I want to finish and begin as well as a possible competition which I may begin in the middle of the year. So if you do want a story review you can comment below and the first two will be done in February. Hope you all have a Happy New Year.