L.Joe's POV

I don't want to see Niel cried again. It was enough to see him sad. Those smiles and laughs that made me fall for him... how could I be the one who erased it away?. I touched his gentle face, he was still sleeping with that cute pout of his. I was that person who watched his face for hours in the morning before get up. His hair strands fell gracefully on the white pillow. I took a bunch and twirled them. Ah, I love this... I love this moment. I averted my eyes to the window. The sun greeted us with its brilliant light... the thin white curtains blew in slow motion. Niel... why is it so cold though... isn't it fall... but why the sun is so....

I opened my eyes slowly. I saw the white ceilings above me. I raised my hand, the IVs were still hanging there. I looked to the left. There was no Niel. It was all just a dream. I tightened my blanket up. It's been a week since I confessed to Niel about the hydrangeas. I should pay the price. I knew my condition worsened and winter will come in no time. But I was happy that I could tell Niel my feelings. Niel had a class today, he assured me to skipped it yesterday but I scolded him. I told him though I'm thankful, he couldn't just throw away his life like that. He hated me because he thought that I felt bad about myself again, but... how couldn't you not feel bad about burdened someone like that?. Uh, maybe he had enough of that. Niel, I just want to see you happy, that's all. That's what loving is. How could I make him happy with this condition though...

My heart aches every time I think of that. Byunghun-ah, don't be like that. Don't be so gloomy like that. Winter just lasts for three months, what are you afraid of? But this body... I can't even sit straight. It's so tiring. God... why at time like this...

Ah... this suffocation again.
Don't cry, Byunghun. Be strong. Survive this winter. Yes. Think about beaches, how you and Niel would walk hand in hand in summer. You would run and fly away... far far away from this stinking hospital... from your demanding body. In summer your blood will stop mutating. You will be healthy again...

"Byunghun-ah", I gasped in surprise. I looked to the door and Lee Sunho-seonsaengnim was there.
"Ah.. seonsaengnim", I coughed as I tried to sit straight.
"Yah, easy easy", he helped me adjust the bed.
"It's really cold today", I coughed once again.
"It was really windy outside, let me checked your temperature", he asked as he slipped one thermometer to my armpit. He then looked at me without words. He checked my hands that still shivered.
"I'm still below normal, I believe", I smiled down.
"You're gonna be fine, it's not like you dropped a degree", he said convincingly.
Such a funny thing, doctors words are. They always have a way to told their patients so they could feel safe. Though we know the truth ourselves... It's nice when someone cared about your feeling, but do they know that it just make us more hollowed?.

But... How if he tell me the truth? why have to be so negative.
"Byunghun-ah... yah, Byunghun-ah", Lee Sunho-seonsaengnim snapped his fingers on my dazing face.
"Un~!", I gasped.
"The nurse will check your blood, make sure you eat your breakfast well, okay?", he patted my head.
"Yes, sir!", I smiled and nodded at him.
"Good... ah, one more thing", he turned his back half way.
"Will Daniel come today?", he asked.
"Eh? um, I guess... he had a class this morning, he probably come in the evening. Why is that, seonsaengnim?", I asked back.
He just chuckled "Nothing"; he muttered and left.

I tilted my head, what was that... The whole hospital might know Niel now. He's such an easy going person. One time a nurse that never took care of me came from the lobby just to delivered me chips. She said Daniel brought it but forget to gave it to me, she just giggled mischievously after delivered me the chips. I wondered if they all knew my relationship with Niel. Oh God, Niel... can he shut his mouth for a second. What the hell is he doing by now... I guess he struggled with high notes in his musical class. He should learn a lot from Chanhee... ah, Chanhee... I watched it in the tv before, I guess he starred in one musical as the main cast. It's just weird to see your junior high friend became a famous actor.

I looked at my phone once the nurse finished checked my condition. My grip wasn't that firm since I kept shivering. It wasn't only the cold, since my blood amount dropped, I lost energy even for trivial things like holding a phone. I struggled to slide its notification bar. There's one Kakao message. Written in a very exciting words, it came from Soojoo. What is it, I wonder... it's been awhile we didn't chat each other. Last time I chat her was when I gave her my photographer friend's number.

I finally managed to see her message;
"OPPPPPPAAAAAA! You won't believe this"
She attached an image, it was a DVD Box. She's a hardcore fan of this one director called Jim Jarmusch and Criterion just released a special series dvd box of his entire filmography. It was indeed, a limited edition with some special features, including the director's personal signature. I'm really excited for her, because I know she craved for that but she missed the initial release date. She was so busy with her