Throughout the ride with the eccentric handsome stranger, all that I could think about was what Myung Soo said earlier that day, about a stranger holding him closer to his heart like a cake he refused to share. It was such an adorable way to elucidate sensitive matters, well he’s always adorable in every possible way, yet that aside, his words and all that happened today got me thinking; wouldn’t it always be a total stranger who would hold you closer to his heart? Even Myung Soo to start with was a complete stranger to me, and if I didn’t man up and ask for the notes that day, we might still be strangers, and I would never have fallen in love with him, I would never have, although totally oblivious to him, held him closer to my heart. It was so strange, truly, how we could have feelings blooming like wild flowers towards a person we had never met in our lives.

But this what I said has nothing to do with the handsome Ahjussie stranger, I’m telling you. I was just…saying.

Okay, the truth is, every time I steal a glance of me, a sudden inkling would jump into me saying that he might be someone I know so well; like a déjà vu, like female instincts; it was so strange. It was as though I had known him my entire life. Have you ever had that feeling? You look at someone and you suddenly feel like you’ve seen him somewhere, like he might be someone you’ve known him for a long time? And then you get this sudden urge to talk and your curiosity would kill the cat? Well, that was how exactly I felt, and I had this strange urge to strike up a conversation although he didn’t seem like it, as though…well, I wanted to know him better to make sure this was the person I knew.

And also had I this odd ability of being able to talk to strangers with such an ease and carry out a conversation with nonchalance.  I had no idea where this trait came from, but I could make a reasoning as that I always treat people as though they were total strangers. Maybe every person whom I met in my life were well…just people, no one that I personally cared for. For this reason (maybe) I could speak to anyone without feeling awkward at all. With people, I mix so well.

The handsome Ahjussie was such a gentleman, I tell you. For the past ten minutes of our ride, he kept to his side, without so much as a single glance on my direction; he was thoroughly staring out the shutter as though he was avoiding my eyes, hands nervously clasped on his lap. He was handsome, very much handsome; as handsome as a runway model who had rolled right out of his bed. The dampness of his hair had dried out thanks to the air conditioning, and now had fallen softly, loosely on his head, covering a little of his eyes; and his eyes, well they were strangely alluring, they had a weird charm of intense attraction. He was fairer than I was, turning a little pink  under the sun; skin so flawless and white as though it was all marble, lips rose and lovely; all in all he was very very handsome; the only thing was he seemed quite shy and reserved, and a little too unfit for his age.

I decided to call him Ahjussie, the unnamed handsome Ahjussie. And I decided to strike up a conversation.

The unanswered question in my mind.

“Hey, Ahjussie!” I called out naturally from my side. We were sitting on the either sides with the bag awkwardly sitting in the middle. I had to lean over to catch a clear glimpse of him who now looked a little confused. “Yah Ahjussie~!” I tried again. Now he was definitely confused. He leaned over and glanced at me and at the driver who seemed to not to have heard me and back at me to whom I smiled. He grimaced. “Are-are you…talking to m-me…?”

I nodded. “Yeah” and pointed a finger right at his face. “Ahjussie…so tell me. Why did he let you come? What did you do to him? Promised to bribe?”

He still looked confused, and sour as though he had just bit on something so horribly distasteful and impatiently shook his head. “Wh-what?”

“You heard me. Why was he so impatient to take you?”

There was a definite silence in the car afterwards, the slow, faint rumbling of the engine and traditional music being played lowly was all that was heard. The stranger seemed fairly uncomfortable and nervously fidgeted with his fingers before he finally let out a nervous chuckle. “Ah…well…that is….” He looked up at me and frowned. “We know each other”

“Oh” I said and looked ahead. That didn’t exactly make sense to me though, how this handsome stranger could know an ordinary taxi driver; obviously he was trying hard, the handsome stranger I mean, he was trying hard to blend in with the background but still he seemed to stand out, he obviously wasn’t ordinary; okay, that was only my perception of seeing him.

We were silent again, and I continued to look ahead, contemplating on what I could say next. It was hard though, striking a conversation with him; it was harder than trying to start a conversation with someone that I accidently came across in the bus or so. He seemed…different. Completely out of the league. And no matter how longer I looked at him, he seemed so far away, yet so near, like he was a long lost brother or something who had forgotten me entirely. It was horrifying, to think this through, I mean. And then again, talking to him was all that I wanted to do.

The driver took a massive U-turn just then, and all that was inside leaned all the way to the right, he was sandwiched between the door and the laundry, while the bag was sandwiched between him and me. He seemed all the more uncomfortable that as soon as we settled back, he cowered squeezing all the way against the door while I pulled the laundry to my side. Myung Soo obviously wouldn’t like it to have his cloths (Dirty or not) to be touched by a stranger; and for the smitten person I was, I followed exactly the very words of my lover boy.

It was by the corner of my eyes that I noticed it, the handsome stranger was looking at me with the strangest gleam in his eyes, as though he was imagining a horror movie character on my face. I frowned. “What?”

He turned away immediately and cleared his throat. “Ah...umm…nothing, just…”

He cleared his throat again and glanced at me.  “Do I…? Do I know you?”

I was certain that my eyeballs so gullibly popped out. “Eh, what?”

“No, nothing…just…” He cleared his throat again and glanced at the laundry bags before glancing at me. “Nothing…”

I rolled my eyes. How was he going to live his entire life going about being so nervous and shy? The truth is, I wouldn’t care how on earth he would go about in his life.

Why would I?

Too bad that he was this handsome, because he would never in the world catch any girl’s heart with this petty personality.

For the next five minutes I went on contemplating things again while he stared out the shutter as though he was waiting for the ride to end soon. The atmosphere inside the car was so thick and awkward, you could literally cut it with a knife and my biggest desire just then was escape, somehow, this eccentric aura of this handsome stranger, because he seemed to keep me bounded to him without even trying; as though he was forcing me to stare at him and drink in his beauty without even so much as a single incitement. Was this what which he did back then? When he got himself the taxi? What made him so bland…and interesting at the same time? What made me want to talk to him and avoid him at the same time? It was so strange, this particular feeling; it was as though I knew him and then I didn’t….it was so horrid…and alluring…like a poisonous flower which you’re so tempted to touch….

I decided to avoid him at all costs and overlook this particular meeting, pretending that it never happened in my life.

We reached my destination before we reached his, for which I was beyond thankful that I immediately hopped out without so much as a giddy goodbye to him and paid in before I began to pull out the laundry bag. The atmosphere between the stranger and awkward enough that we couldn’t share one single eye lock, and as though to top it off, well, the bag was extremely heavy that I could hardly take it out, let alone carry it all the way to my house.

His gawk, concerned or otherwise was simply inevitable, as though he was piercing holes through my skull as I put all the efforts to carry it over the pavement. It was embarrassing, really, I couldn’t give a single glance at them when the taxi didn’t budge once. I was all about to give up and call my neighbor when suddenly-

-yeah, well, when suddenly the handsome Ahjussie happened to come by out of nowhere and took the bag in his.

All I wanted to be at that very moment was a melted puddle on the floor.

“Where to?” He asked, his voice was just so low that I could hardly grasp what he was saying. I wordlessly pointed at my house which was just a few steps away up the slope.

And then he carried it, just like that in ease as though he was carrying a leisurely sack of potatoes, all I could do was standing back watching him until he finally retrieved, again, looking tired as ever. I didn’t care for that though, for I was befuddled at how much of a gentleman he could be.  As he passed by me, however I managed a simple “thank you” and a smile, to which he responded with a quick nod; and all after that; all I could do was watching the retrieving taxi, feeling hopeless, feeling spoilt and ruined, feeling as though I had done wrong.

Feeling as though something massive was strangely amiss.

Who was he? Why did he seem so distant…yet so close? Why did I feel like I missed an important detail which I should have noticed, as though I’ve overlooked something so…precious?

Why did I feel like…we were….while we truly weren’t?

Emotions are such strange things; they confused me, therefore I’d always wished I had none, accurately. I always wished I was immune to emotions, I wished I never felt happiness or sadness or whatever the feeling which could fit my various dispositions, but when I really think through this attribute, I realize, what had me worried so much was that I was afraid of certain feelings, to be more precise, I was afraid to feel confused, scared, and attached.

I was only twelve when my mother decided to leave me. If it was the ordinary way to leave a child, I would have been fine for I had a wonderful father, on whom I could always depend on; but the case was different. She didn’t just leave me the way any mother could possibly have done, no; she left me in the most despondent manner, she left me leaving all the weight of it on me.

In all honesty, I knew that it wasn’t my fault that she died; I could swear it wasn’t. I was young back then, twelve of course wasn’t an age where we observed every nook and cranny of life, it was an age where we would easily do mistakes. At the age of twelve, we’re forgiven almost always, for we’re young, and what we understood wasn’t much; relatively.  But if the damage was fatal, well, that one mistake could never be forgiven. Maybe that is the reason why they never let me off the hook; my relatives, I mean. They never forgave me, they never had and never would, this I knew for a certainty; instead what they’ve given me all my life was pain.

They said I killed her, god forbid. I am a catholic, my entire family is, yet had I heard this Buddhist teaching, no unintentional crime is a sin. I wouldn’t say I should be forgiven for what I did, I never should be forgiven for it, no, I should be crucified for it, I should be on the guillotine, not ever should I be forgiven. But that never meant that I should suffer throughout my life, because it was just a mistake, just a childish mistake, and I’m sure my mother won’t like to hear that all they’ve given me is endless pain.

I was born in Busan and I was the only child. My parents ran a music store and we were well off too; all was good, all was well, and we had the time of our lives. Like I said, fate plays all sorts of games on us; at times happy and dandy, and at times heartless and cruel; and at some point in our lives, our fate chose to play on us the latter. It was a gloomy spring day,  I remember, it was raining cats and dogs that day, we could hardly hear each other’s’ voices over the thunder storms, and our roof was leaking that my mother had kept a bucket in our corridor. I don’t remember what exactly I was doing at that moment, I was reading or playing a video game, probably, when the lights in house began to dim. Naturally, I was afraid of the darkness; in a thunderstorm, even more so. I can’t remember where exactly my mother was, my father was off at work, and it was around five in the evening, yet, due to the rain we could hardly tell the day and night apart. The lights flickered on and off as though it was a scene from a horror movie, and instinctively my eyes began to blur, I was horrified, all the horrible characters that I had seen in the movies I watched with my friend Sung Jong began to make hazy visions at the back of my eyes; I could feel presence lingering in my expanse, and strange sounds that I could never recall. A loud thunder broke, something fell, someone screamed and all the emotions came tumbling down on me. I suddenly remembered my mother who was somewhere downstairs, running some errand being the proud, brave mother she was, and I was suddenly scared. I wanted to be close to her. Thus I called out to her by the top of my lungs.

It was the biggest mistake I ever did in my life that I would regret throughout the gruesome span of my existence, I swear, I would. If I wasn’t so naïve, stupid and immature that night she would have been safe. If I wasn’t selfish and gullible, thinking of things that couldn’t possibly take place, she would still be alive, and we will still be in Busan, and no one would ever blame me for killing my very own mother. But all of this did happen, she did follow my plea, she was worried, she did come searching for her daughter, and all because of that, my mother, she fell and died.

There is a reason why I would blame it all on me too. Maybe it was fine that they called me a killer because, one way or the other, I truly was. It was all so fair that my grandparents refused to see my face, the daughter of their only child whom they say was a god’s gift, whom they got after eight years of childless sufferance, whom they cherished over their lives. Wasn’t it just so fair?

Yes it’s just fair that they called me a killer. But my father never saw it in this perception. He saw me as the gift she had left for him to love and cherish and to bring up as the noble woman that she had always dreamed to see growing out of me.

Therefore I tried to grow immune to this unfathomable peculiarity of emotions, I tried so hard, wishing I could be some sort of an animal who would eat poop and sleep all day without feeling anything so much as a tinge of happiness; but my father, being my wonderful loving father didn’t let me corner myself. Instead, he pushed me into the society, he forced me into the world; he led me into the grasp of this strange but beautiful connection called friendship.

And that was the ship which threw me the rope and rescued me from drowning in the darkest abyss of misery.

“The word is, Naeun is going after a mystery boy” Howon said as he sprayed and wiped off the table-tops of his mother’s road-side restaurant. Howon was from Busan, just like I was and had moved into Seoul because he had always dreamed of becoming a singer. A nice guy he was, that Howon, and a little strange relatively to his looks. He looks a lot manlier than Myung Soo, I’m telling you. He certainly was good looking, however, the relationship we shared was thoroughly friendship based. And it was nicer that way.

One reason why it was so nice was that we could casually share all the juicy details from the neighborhood. Oh, yes, of course. We lived in the same vicinity too.

“A mystery boy?” I asked, following after him as he moved from one table to another. “Wow, who would that be?”

“No one knows” Howon said, wiping his perspiration off his creased brows. “Geez, Eunji, why else do you think he’s a mystery boy?”

“Oh, alright” I replied, shrugging. “So that’s how it is, eh? The neighborhood’s pretty girl is literally taken”

“Hopefully” Howon said, sounding grave as though we were discussing a world crisis. “I hope it would be someone who’d treat her well. I heard the last break up got her really bad. Had been crying in her room for days…”

“Hmph! I could never understand those girls…”

He glared. “Aren’t you a girl yourself?”

I rolled my eyes. “Why do you sound like that? Do you like her?”

To that he could only throw me a cold glare and continue with his doing.

The truth is, Howon is the first person to confess his likeness to me. It was three years ago, back when we were in high-school. High school was such an unbelievable time of our lives; we fall in so easily, we fall out so easily, and Howon, I guess, didn’t realize how easily he fell in love with a person he really should not. It wasn’t his fault though, neither was it mine. But we were in good terms, we had our ways to settle things up. I made a big scene out of the situation, though; which was really really foolish, and we avoided each other for months. To be honest, I couldn’t face him. I didn’t know how people felt like after being rejected, really. I’ve never been rejected in my life, therefore I had no idea how I could make it up to him. But he knew what needed to be done, to which I’m thankful beyond words. He approached me first, it was once in the summer, and I was strolling down the pavement after school, heading home. He then approached me, as calmly and aloofly as he’d always be, threw a hand over my shoulder and said that his feelings were now long gone, for he was even more afraid to lose a very close friend. I was happy then, friendship is better than any other sort of ‘ship’ I reckon, thus, we got back to being ourselves, and eventually realized how wonderful it was to be best friends than anything else.

And that’s as far as I had gone in my personal social life. I had no love life, to be frank. The only love story I seemed to have was the unreciprocated feelings I had towards my clean-freak batch mate.

“Ah! By the way…” Hoya began, taking his position behind the counter. It was around ten at night, the usual time for the midnight customers that he was on stand-by, which also meant that I was to head home soon. “Your appa asked for some Kimchee right? You should ask Omma for it”

“Oh…” I nodded knowingly. “Appa can’t do without the kimchee. I’ll head straight home afterwards, so goodbye Howonnie!”

“Bye!” He greeted with a slight wave. “Go home safely!”

I assured him that I would and headed over to the kitchen area which was in a mist of hot steam. Howon’s mother’s face emerged out with a smile. “Ah! Eunji-ah! Going home already?”

“Yeah…Have to go home before late…Ommoni, did appa ask for Kimchee?”

“Oh yes, yes” She mused, reaching under the table. “Your share finished right? I made a new batch”

I smiled as she handed over to me a freshly made box of Korean cabbage pickle and stepped back cautiously. The steam was hitting bad on my face, almost blurring my vision. I wondered how Howon’s Omma survived in the steam the entire day. “Omo! Thank you Ommoni!”

“You’re very welcome! Our Eunji-ah, why don’t you learn how to make kimchee? I should teach you sometime…”

I widened my eyes. “Ommoni, is it not okay making kimchee for us?”

She waved her hands in denial. “Course it’s not that! You’re growing up so quickly, wouldn’t you be a mother soon? You have to learn how to make kimchee for your husband!”

I was certain, certain that my face turned as red as a red hot chili. “Ommoni~!”

She laughed. “Oh okay, okay…it’s getting late already, you must head home…”

With a quick farewell to Howon’s mother and his younger brother who was doing his homework, sitting in a plastic chair under the tent, I headed out into the cold somber night of the approaching spring, and took a deep breath before I moved along.

There’s something that I had learned from all the movies and dramas I had watched. I was a crazy drama fan, I tell you. I watched dramas at all perpetuity, no genres would matter as long as they had the romance and cliché, because that’s just how I liked them. It’s a total lie if one said that we got nothing out of the dramas we watch, like my father believed. There is so much to learn from them, so much to add to our day to day life which he would, apparently, never understand. I wouldn’t waste my time trying to elucidate this to him, though. It’s useless really. What I learn would be solely to myself. Anyway, here’s what I learned.

Always expect the unexpected.

Since I always worked until late, at times at Howon’s, the rest at Sungyeol’s, my father had always instructed to me to never let my guards down while heading back home. Seoul, no matter how popular and beautiful it was,  in reality, was very dangerous. It was quite like those girls you find back in high school; pretty, popular yet extremely deadly inside. This was a piece of his mind that I had to always be considerate about, because it was indeed the truth. Therefore I had learned to somehow defend myself from whatever the stranger who would come on my way.

Howon and I, as said before, lived in the same vicinity. Howon worked until very late with his mother since their food-stall was located close to a local bar and the drunkards and frustrated women were most likely to pay them a visit late at night. Since I had school the next day I would leave early, therefore I was mostly by myself, so the walk home was quite a dangerous stroll. 

It wasn’t that I was a chicken who couldn’t even walk alone, really, I was a tough girl, I survived my grand-parents’ and relatives’ heartless words for years, so of course I could survive on my own; but you see, there were the moments where I’d really freak out.

The road to my place, at night was a little dark, and normally I would use my phone for a source of light and talk out loud to not to gain any unnecessary attention; but tonight, I was strangely out of it; in fact, all the way back home, I was pondering on all that happened to me throughout the day. It was an eccentric day, to be frank, as though my fate was trying to tell me something that I couldn’t exactly grasp. I didn’t know what made me feel this way, I felt…confused, and lost. Myung Soo’s words made me feel even more so. I felt useless because he actually said he might close his heart from me because I was forgetful; nothing had ever hurt me so much as that simple sentence hurt me. It only occurred to me now though, where I was alone in the dark on the road. Now only it occurred to me that Myung Soo could even abandon me owing to my hateful way of doing.

Maybe I should change.

It was when I had come to ponder on the topic of personal judgments that I heard two people talking behind me. Let me be honest now. Really, I wasn’t at all concerned with other people’s affairs. I didn’t give a damn on whatever happened as long as I didn’t play a significant role in the situation; why would I? I know it did sound quite selfish, but really, I didn’t like it when people nose into my matters, it became really irritating, and that was why Howon never asked me about how it was going between Myung Soo and I. People tend to nose into others’ matters when they had matters of their own piled up to their noses to deal with; that’s the truth, that’s the bitter reality. Therefore I would simply and happily solve my problems on my own.

It’s not like I didn’t help anyone or listen to anyone. No, I was a good listener and I did listen to what Howon and Myung Soo had to say, and I loved to share the juicy news in the neighborhood with Howon, but they never went beyond discussions. And it was better that way.

But that night, when the two persons chattered on behind me, I had to stop what I was doing and divert my attention to them.

I did say that there was something big amiss in today’s situation didn’t I?

Oh yes, I did.

And that's exactly why you need to expect...the unexpected.

“Woohyun-ah…you’re still young and dandy, the world didn’t end for you, you know” a voice, an all too familiar voice said behind me. Maybe I was mistaken, because the voice sounded a little different….and groggy, it was the voice of a man who had had two good bottles of liquor down his throat.

“I know…but…” A distinct sigh from the other man. His voice was well…beautiful, almost symphonic, yet sounded as groggy as that. “She meant the world to me. She was the sun to my sky, the light to my star, the music to my song…the love of my life…”

“Woohyun, you need to come to earth first. The cliché doesn’t exist in real life!”

Another sigh. “But it has to!”

The familiar voice began to laugh. “You know what you need to do? Just be yourself, you aren’t the Woohyun I used to know…”

“But there is a point where we get tired of it…”

Another chuckle. “For a moment, let’s go back to college days, hmm?”

A definite silence, I walked slower than I did before and listened as close as I possibly could. The symphonic voice laughed. “Sounds legit…I didn’t think you’d get back to that!”

It was the familiar voiced man’s round to laugh. “Sometimes something’s never change…”

There was another silence between the two, and a little muffled groan before he laughed. “Nam Woohyun! Let’s get drunk, find girls, find a room and get laid, how does that sound?”

I stopped on my track. Did I just hear right? Or were my lady instincts playing all wrong?

Or was the reality all too bitter for one to bear?

Or was it my imagination?

Or was the world going in the wrong course of time?

The world…yes, the world was all too strange…

“And let’s share” said the other voice. “Would help me to keep my mind off things…”

“I’d love too, like old days…That’s my boy, Nam Woohyun!”

I widened my eyes, and in order to reconfirm if my instincts gave me the counterfeit signals, I whipped around, and gasped in pure, undeniable horror.

It was him, the handsome stranger from earlier that day, the handsome stranger who confused me, the handsome stranger who was so shy…and reserved. The handsome stranger who cowered in a corner because he was uncomfortable with me. The handsome stranger who was being a gentleman, helping me. The handsome stranger who…set my heart go dugun dugun…

The handsome stranger whom I thought…I knew.

At that very moment it occurred to me, that what could have been amiss. The missing part which I couldn’t really grasp with my frail, muddled mind.

I couldn’t grasp it, I couldn’t grasp that my judgment could be all too wrong.

Hi!

Now I think I should really get to studying. I haven't touched a single note! Lectures , big time, trust me. I wish I had a friend like Eunji does to copy notes from. I'd love to wash undies for him! :D

I hope this update isn't too long. Sorry! I'm used to long explanations and I love doing it. I hate conversations but love explanations, I hope you wouldn't mind. :)

I guess you have figured things out already. :) You all are smart! Sorry about the cliche though. I did a slice-of-life before, so maybe i could go for a change.

A big shout out to muchlovegyuji and bluejuice! LOVE YOU!!!

Subscribing, upvoting, commenting is all up to you.

Enjoy!

Loads of love.

Achini.

Ps: My cat is going to have babies!!