International Gyu-day celebratory chapter (Part 2)

What more could I give Gyu for his birthday than a GyuJi ------???

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR A SECOND TIME!!!

I CANNOT believe that my baby is twenty seven, I CANNOT!

But anyway, time flies.

Hope you all enjoy and give GyuJi much love!

The roads were quite empty, considering that it was a weekday morning and it was a getting warmer by the seconds. I was sitting in the backseat of Myung Soo’s car which smelled so much like him, listening to him and Woohyun who was discussing the next plan; the one which came after I had either passed or failed with my attempt.

Thinking about what I was to do was making my insides cringe every one moment and all throughout. I tried to focus on less intimate moments of it. I could just try to talk him out of it; fake a terminal sickness maybe or attempt suicide or something. Or I could just leap in and lock all the doors and not allow him near even a window. I realized that I had thousand other possibilities than going like a love-sick desperate woman of some sort. I could just tie him up on a chair maybe, and call the police and say that he was attempting to flee the country and get him jailed. Whatever I would do, and I was willing to do to keep him back from entering the virtual hell-hole.

I had been so engrossed in thinking of all the other possibilities that I didn’t even realize that we had already come to the apartment plaza and that we were already pulling into the parking lot. It was dark inside and reeked of burnt oil. Onto our right was Sung Gyu’s vehicle parked; it seemed like he hadn’t come near it for the day. When Myung Soo had finally parked and killed the ignition, it finally occurred to me that the time had already come. I began to feel light headed but nervous; I was mentally preparing myself for the worse. The possibility for everything to flunk out was greater than the possibility for everything to work out; and I was surreptitiously expecting the worse; by the worse I was mostly expecting to be thrown out of the house. I suddenly wished I was drunk; being drunk I could do almost anything. I wished he was drunk too, thus together, I was certain; we would have done the unspeakable.

Sadly though, neither of us were drunk. And Sung Gyu was perfectly sober and walking all over the house, his footsteps loud and resonant even to the outside of the apartment.

“He’s in” Myung Soo stated the obvious, looking as though we were planning a robbery. “Walk in and act like a normal human being”

I was getting a panic attack, evidently. I began to breathe with my mouth.

“Relax, princess!” Woohyun told me then, and grasped both of my clothed arms. “You’re going to be fine. All we want to do is delay him to the flight, so do whatever you want to do”

“Which also includes” Myung Soo began, with a finger pointed upwards. “You-know-what”

Woohyun threw a glare at his direction. “Stop making her upset” and to me he said. “Don’t listen to him…you’ll be fine, go ahead!”

A moment later, the two left me with a ‘fighting’ and a good bye to see me soon; thus I was left alone, staring at the clean, white iron door. I knew the passcode of course, having been into the apartment hundred times with and without Myung Soo; but at that moment, my mind was empty and clearly not giving my other organs any instructions. I just stood there, blank and lost. After a while though, when I heard his voice from inside, talking to someone on the phone, sense finally seeped into me. I took a deep breath, another, then another, and finally punched in the numbers.

The door opened to an empty hallway following to an empty living room. I could hear Sung Gyu’s voice though, and hear him walking around; thus following his voice, I proceeded to the general direction of his room.

Just as I guessed it, he was in his room. The door was wide opened, and he was standing by the French windows, talking on his phone. Seeing him in person, all the doubts and anxieties began to fade and disappear in thin air. It was perhaps the reassurance, the warmth and comfort of the very existence of himself, I couldn’t exactly point it out; whatever it was, it encouraged me. I suddenly became certain of what I was there to do. Hold him back, convince him, and make him realize that what was important weren’t those whom he thought were important but himself.

I just stood there at the doorway without moving an inch, watching him as he spoke on the phone with it huddled between his shoulder and ear; his hands hurriedly folding clothes only to be dumped into the open suitcase. I waited until he was done with the call, I waited even after he was done with the call, just watching him soundlessly, following his movements until he himself realized that I was standing there, still, like a dope.

Initially. He was surprised to see me; implying that he was never expecting to see me there, standing in the doorway looking like I had lost all my ways. Our eyes met, and for one wicked moment, we just stared at one another without saying so much as a single word. After a while, the moment seemed to end. He blinked once, twice, and said; “Oh, Eunji…”

I could only manage a smile at first, and then, in a small voice I said. “Uh…hi?”

He seemed as speechless as I were. “Well, fancy…seeing you here”

I began to fidget with my fingers. “I…I wasn’t planning to come but…”

“Its okay” He said quickly. Interrupting me. “I…in fact I was planning to talk to you…I’m sorry I didn’t have-,”

“I heard” I said, before he could say anymore. “I heard you read the letter and…” Slowly, the confidence began to build. I realized, I didn’t even have to put effort into doing what I was here to do. “Seriously? Come to china after I got the degree? I can’t believe-,”

“Eunji” He finally said, dropped the phone along with the shirt in his hand onto his bed and walked over to me. “I hope you do realize that it’s important I go…”

“But they’re going to rob it off from you!” I protested.

“I know” He said calmly. “But there is no other choice okay? I do know that I wasn’t doing a job well enough…this is not my cup of tea…”

“They are going to make you the director of SK C and C china!”

“That’s…” He seemed to mull over it for a second as though he was hearing it just now. “Not exactly my cup of tea either, but…it’s okay…”

“It’s okay…” I repeated bitterly and stepped into his threshold. “It’s okay”

I stepped towards him then, stepped close enough, befuddling him, until we were close enough to be touching each other. I took a deep breath and instantly, I felt so stupid. I had completely run out of words to say. He just stood there, looking at me as though I had run completely insane and made me feel even stupider; on the other hand, I was also determined. I didn’t care if I ended up doing something out of pure insanity because at that very moment, there was only the two of us.

After in taking a deep breath, I deftly placed my fingers onto the top button of his shirt. I was feeling awkward though, and my fingers weren’t exactly doing a very good job in seducing him; surely, nor was the expression I was sporting at that time. Sung Gyu looked confused, and then he looked like he was suppressing a laughter.

“I…um…I” I began to stammer, my hand still resting on his shirt. He was wearing crisp white one, partially tugged, one sleeve rolled up while the other had its cuffs resting on his wrist. Top button undone, revealing a line of creamy white skin; the very sight of him made my head hurt. I was certain that I was to pass out soon.

“I….I’m going to…”

Now he really looked like he wanted to laugh. “You’re going to what?”

The worst thing about it was that I didn’t know what I was going to do. Undo his shirt? It was probably going to be too much, besides, I would pass out the moment I get to the second button or so. Kiss him? Looking at the situation though, it didn’t seem to me like the best option. The best option as of now was to melt into a puddle and die at his feet.

“You’re going to what, Eunji?”

I said nothing but slowly flicked my finger on his top button. I didn’t undo it though, I was too embarrassed to. I might as well run out of the room now, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it either.

Suddenly then, he took hold of my chin and raised my face. Our eyes were in the same level then, and I began to feel intimidated by the warmth of his gaze. Before even I could say anything though, he smiled at me the slightest and whispered my name in the most sensual way that my knees almost gave up on me.

“Eunji-ah…”

“Oh-oh?” I stuttered, and he smiled at me even more. Almost laughing.

“Did Woohyun tell you to do this?”

It felt like I was slapped hard. I hid my face out of embarrassment; this time really wanting to melt and disappear. How did he even guess it?

He began to laugh light-heartedly. “He did, didn’t he? And Myung Soo…this is one of your no-goodness schemes to stop me from going, yeah?”

“Oh god” I said impulsively and hopped on my feet. Goodness! I couldn’t remember the last time I was this so humiliated! I wanted to run out of the house, run into the road and just go back home; still, I couldn’t bring myself to. I knew that I had failed, at least in attempting what we had originally planned. Maybe we had alter routes, maybe we had other things to try and stop him. Thus I remained there, and finally pulled together the shattering pieces of me and looked up to face him.

“Was it bad?” I asked in a whisper, earning an endearing laughter.

“Not exactly…it was kind of cute” He stepped back then, and gave me a long look. “But you see, I have to catch a flight in two hours so I have to get packing. Mind stopping this nonsense and helping me out?”

I shrugged. “Do I have a choice?”

“I suppose not” He said.

And thus I ended up waddling around his room, carrying suits and folding shirts like I had nothing better to do with my life. It seemed like he was going to stay here for a while, which made me really upset; what surprised me was how calm and composed he looked all through that, his demeanor was giving out the false implication of him actually liking what was going to happen to him. At first, I was afraid even to question myself, but then again I realized; I had just pulled out the most disastrous act of seduction just a few minutes ago, and apparently I had nothing else left to lose in my dignity and sanity.

“Are you glad?” I asked, pausing on folding another white shirt, identical to the one he wore.

“What?”

“Are you glad that they’re robbing the company off from you?”

He was silent for a moment and dropped a little transparent casing which had his shaving kit into the suitcase. Then he replied; “Eunji, I think…you know already. I need everything to end”

“But what if it isn’t the right way? Kicking away what you rightfully own?”

He shrugged, and suddenly his eyes were really distant and cold. “Can we even justify it? There’s no such a thing as rightfully owned. We all die one day, and the company will still be there. We don’t take things with us when we go Eunji…”

“That is not even the point!” I argued, stood up and dropped in all the shirts I had folded into the opened case. Sung Gyu was sitting on the carpet beside it, looking bleak and distant, so I sat on the bed in front of him and proceeded to pack the food items he had strewn about on the bed into a bag. We were silent again, but I broke the silence in the end. “The point is, they’re going to make you do something you don’t want to do. They’re going to make you suffer. Is that a better choice than doing something to get the company back on hilt? You know, there is always something to do to raise the company’s sales…there are strategies, talk to your consultants-,”

“Then will this all end Eunji?” He asked, hopelessly. I bit my lip and looked down at the disheartened figure by my feet.

“It will all end, one day.” I said to him, my voice sounding low. “But trying to speed things up will only hurt you…oppa. And when it hurts you…it hurts me too…”

The room was in silence once more, and we both seemed to be in or own thoughts, listening to the soundless rhythm of our breath. We weren’t doing anything but sitting in a stand-still; after a while, when the moment of silence seemed to fade with time; he said to me, quite clearly as though it was the most honest statement he was making after all he said throughout the day.

“Don’t get hurt by the wrongs I did…Eunji. Things might be…different now. But that doesn’t mean you have to go through the same pain that I’m going through…”

“But we’re mutual” I said to him, slid down the bed and lowered myself onto the ground to face him. “We are mutual, it’s just right that I feel what you feel. And coincidentally, I feel that you don’t want to do this, I feel that, though you want this to end, you’re afraid of the consequences. I feel that you’re waiting for someone to help….” I reached out and took his hand in mine. His skin was soft and warm against mine; his fingers, whenever they touched mine, would send a jolt of euphoria up my nerves. Despite all that, I carried on. “I know that I’m in no position to help you. I’m sorry that I’m just your ordinary small town girl with no power over anything; but I like you, really, really like you, and that goes beyond every scope and border, beyond everything existent and non-existent, beyond all the desires in the world. Not only me, Oppa, Woohyun, Myung Soo, your parents, your sister and the entire company…we all are willing to help you. So just…just give us the chance…”

He looked down at the hand which I held, at his paled skin. For a moment I thought I saw a flicker of something in his steadfast expression, something like realization, something like hope. But then he slowly pulled his hand out of mine. I realized, if I had witnessed even a hint of hope and desire to change his mind; that might as well be truer than the sun rising from the west. There hadn’t been hope, there hadn’t been desire to change. I had failed once more and it hurt more than it did when I failed many times before.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Eunji” He said to me, and stood up high on his feet. Suddenly he was an overwhelming presence before me; his frame large and exhilarating to where I sat on the floor. The window behind him was opened and the wind was blowing, carrying his scent around. Slowly but clearly I could hear the sea shells of the wind chime begin to hit on one another. He spoke over the melodic sound of it.

“Right now, all I need is to do catch the flight and get the hell done with the voting. I want everything to end; and if I had to sacrifice everything for that, I wouldn’t’ care, because I’m tired and sick of it, because I need to escape. So if you’re done and not supporting me, I’d be gracious if you could just leave me alone now…”

With every word he said, I knew, he was forcing them out against his will. He didn’t mean them, what he said. It was against his desires; it was because he was deeply convinced that he had no choice. So I stood up and tried again.

“I know that you like me too…and that is even an understatement” I said, and smiled at the thought. “Then…would you sacrifice that too?”

He looked almost determined, but through that, I could see it; he was faking it. He was lying. “I would” He said in the end.

I thought it would hurt me when he said that, but it didn’t; because I knew he was lying to me, because he thought he had no choice, because he thought he could untangle everything on his own. Maybe that was why he didn’t want to get me or Woohyun or Myung Soo involved in it, because we weren’t in the tangle the first place. Maybe he was worried if we’d end up hurting too, if we failed. But what he didn’t know was that we were ready to take that pain, what he didn’t know was that we would take all the pain for him any day.

I didn’t tell him anything more then, because I didn’t think I had to. He had clearly made his statement, as fake and untrue it may be, that was what he wanted me to believe, so I played along. I bowed to him, told him goodbye and wished him for a safe journey. He didn’t say a word though, and I didn’t say anything in return. Instead, I simply walked out of the room, out of the apartment, into the lift, descended downstairs and went ahead to locate Myung Soo’s car. It was parked in a corner, in a place that Sung Gyu evidently wouldn’t be able to find it. When they saw me and my dejected expression, they both came towards me with concerned eyes.

“What happened?”

I shook my head.

They were silent for a while, watching me, then suddenly Woohyun came towards me and held me in an embrace. “Oh Eunji…”

I wasn’t ready to cry, honestly, so with much struggle I managed to squeeze my way out from his firm arms. “I’m alright!”

“But I thought it didn’t work!” Said Woohyun.

“It didn’t” I said. “Because he caught up. So I tried to talk to him, it didn’t work either, so I came back…”

“We’ll go with the next step then?” Asked Woohyun with resolve.

“So we’re going now?” I asked.

“We’ll wait a bit” Said Myung Soo and referred to his phone. “It’s still too early. Besides he has to go to SK C and C before he leaves, so it might take some time. We’ll go after he does”

So we waited, Myung Soo’s car parked in the dark, the three of us huddled inside soundlessly with our hushed breath resonant inside. The two talked then and there in lowly whispers as if their voices were likely to attract intruders; they tried to involve me in their conversations too, most of them regarding our next plan, but I felt as though I had lost my words. I didn’t know what to say or even how to express what I felt at that moment. It was strange, indeed. I had never felt that so resolute ever in my life. I felt as though I still hadn’t finished what I was to do, as though I had more to do. It was a feeling similar to what you feel when you haven’t done an exam well enough; how you always feel if you had studied more. I felt like I could have done better, and this very feeling escalated to the point where I began to believe that I could still do more. I wanted to do more. And that was the feeling which led me out of the car just when my senses caught the lingering presence of a certain someone, few feet away from me but still shining brilliantly in my eyes.

“What are you doing?” Myung Soo wanted to know just as I pulled open the door. Sung Gyu had come out, clad in a smart dark suit, his dark hair brushed upwards and face eliminating firm determination. I was just a few seconds away from him. If I’d run, I would be right in his arms, but I didn’t.

“I think she’s going to try again” Woohyun’s voice came from behind me, and I knew that it was what I was going to do.

But just when I was a few feet away from him, I noticed the two suitcases lying on the floor by his feet, and everything broke inside me. Would I be able to make it this time? I wasn’t certain, because the implication of him leaving us was stronger and more resolute than that one possibility. I felt myself slowly crumbling into pieces. I was beginning to cry. I made my self through though, I walked close enough for him to know that I was still there, and he knew it immediately. He turned around to face me, his eyes befuddled, clearly not expecting to see me, probably convinced that I had gone away. Although I was expecting him to leap on me again, yell at me and ask me to never come before his eyes, he didn’t. Instead he only said my name in a way that one would when he knew he was leaving something precious to him, completely against what his heart willed him to do. So I knew it too.

“I thought you went home” He said in almost a whisper, but I wasn’t taking any of it. I was already crying when I rushed towards him, and without another word, I began to hit him lightly on his chest, his shirt crumpling lightly under my fist.

“You’re an idiot, so much of an idiot! You’re so, so much of a bloody idiot that you don’t even realize how much of an idiot you are!”

“Eunji…” He said in a whisper, and caught my fist tightly in his hand. I stopped crying momentarily, feeling his eyes on me. I looked up then, slowly and uncertainly, only to meet his soft, concerned gaze. We stared at one another for a moment too long. His eyes were shining though we were in the dark of the parking lot, like he had wanted me to return, like he wanted to see me, have me right there before him. I knew too, that I wanted it. I didn’t want him away from me, not even for a single second in my life. Maybe we both knew it too.

It was him who leaned in first, his eyes fixed on mine and his hands gradually descending down to my waist. I waited expectantly, holding my breath, and soon, he was kissing me.

It felt completely different from all the other times when I had kissed him. He had the upper hand this time, he was the one who was leading me. His eyes were open and so were mine, the softness of his lips touching and pressing on mine on and on as though he was uncertain of what he was doing. Then I ran my hand up his chest and around his neck; this he took as an implication and soon pulled me closer to him, his hands firmly around my waist, closed his eyes and kissed me even more.

What began as something slow and gentle gradually escalated into a desperate embrace. He turned me around in a swift movement, my back pressed to the cold surface of his vehicle. His hands were all over me, one on my waist, the other cradling me head, fingers entangled in my hair; he kissed me with such an intensity and desperation, like it was an attempt to keep me close but in truth, as I felt it, it was an attempt to imply that he’d take me along with him, wherever he’d go; a piece of me within his heart. Thus I tried to return that kiss with the very same force he was prompting on me. I grasped the lapels of his coat, and gasped when his tongue passed by my teeth. He was asking for permission which I granted without hesitation and soon he was taking my breath away.

The kiss lasted longer than we both expected it to last. He pulled away finally, breathing deeply and uneven and rested is forehead on mine. We didn’t speak a word but only watched in silence what our eyes happened to read. It was after a while that I felt it, him slipping something into my clenched hand which rested by his waist. I opened my mouth to ask what it was but he was faster; he quickly pecked lightly on my lips, stepped back and said to me. “Read it when I’m gone”

Soon after, I couldn’t bring myself to do or say anything. The warmth of the touch was still lingering on my lips, the adrenaline of the rush still hadn’t died down and I had no power to even move away. He went around the vehicle and put in the suitcases which were on the floor the whole time; still I was unable to utter a word. Not even until he climbed into the car and began to drive away. And all before I could even think of what was going on, Sung Gyu’s car had gone already from my sight.

It was Woohyun’s voice from behind me which finally brought me back to senses. It was loud and echoing in the parking lot and was clearly unable to go unheard.

“Gosh, that was hot!”

My cheeks and ears began to burn incessantly and I buried my face in my hands without really saying anything. Woohyun, however didn’t seem to shut his mouth any moment.

“I knew you were a couple, but I never knew that you were a make-out-in-the-parking-lot kind of a couple! And here I was, almost convinced that he would ravish you on the bonnet!”

“Shut it, don’t make her upset” Myung Soo exclaimed, finding his moment to get back and turned to me. “What did he say?”

Slowly, I looked down at my hand. I was still scared to unclench it and see what was inside, so I could only gesture at it and mutter. “Didn’t work, he’s going”

Myung Soo then stared at me and smiled apologetically. I knew that it wasn’t only about me. Sung Gyu was his brother, and he was losing him for god knows how long just after he got him back. I didn’t know for whom it was most unfair. It was unjust, nevertheless; and something that we couldn’t stop. Unless, of course, if we try again.

“Let’s get to plan…whatever it was” I said hurriedly, returning to compose myself. “We should get to the high-way at least thirty minutes earlier…”

“True” Woohyun said, and glanced at the time. “Two more hours to go…Let’s rush!”

We got into the car and got on the road in a haste. We had approximately one hour and fifty minutes to go by that time; and assuming that Sung gyu’s work at the company wouldn’t take long, Myung Soo came to the speculation that we might end up driving parallel to each other, which also meant that we would arrive at the airport just in time to get down to plan.

The plan was for me and Woohyun to rush to the gate and stop him, telling him the most brutal lie of all that Myung Soo had met with an accident. We couldn’t think of anything any better anyway so that was the lie we had so far. Meanwhile, after we had been dropped at the airport, Myung Soo would drive to the other side and stop at the gas station of the high-way which was roughly twenty minutes away from the airport if we drove just along the speed limit. Since he would be driving back in his own vehicle, and also since that might not leave us a space to delay him, Myung Soo had bought this special gadget to lock vehicle’s steering wheels. It was really fancy stuff, so we assumed he would take a while to figure out a way to undo it. Thus, would he be really really mad and also delayed to the flight. Such was the plan.

While we were on the road, Woohyun and Myung Soo began to bicker about absolutely useless matters like teenagers while I sat still on the dilemma of opening and not opening the letter. Since Sung Gyu hadn’t literally gone out of the country, I wasn’t exactly supposed to open it, but gone was the moment which actually gave me the reason to do so. I could have asked either of the guys what I could possibly do, but I couldn’t since they were being such girls. I could just put it away and forget all about it, but I couldn’t because I liked Sung Gyu just too much. After all the soundless arguments in my head, however, I decided to read it in the end.

But before proceeding to do that, I leaned over through the parting of the front seats and told the guys. “Oppadeul, Sung Gyu oppa gave me a letter”

That stopped there bickering, and Myung Soo factually slowed down the car. “No, what?”

“A letter” I said as though I was stating the obvious. “He gave me one…”

“Really?”

“Yeah” I said, reaching into my coat pocket where I left it. “He did”

“Let me read first” Myung Soo said, sounding serious. We were reaching a red-light at that time, with a long crowd on the side of the road to cross it. So without a word, I extended my hand with the letter clenched in my fist.

“Wait, why are you reading it?” Woohyun wanted to know.

“Because Hyung is my brother and Eunji is my best friend” Myung Soo replied.

“You can’t read the whole thing though” I said to him, feeling embarrassed. “It’s personal”

“Okay, I know! I would just…” Myung Soo unfolded the letter, which seemingly had two sheets attached. His eyes widened, face fell, and I realized, something just went terribly wrong.

“What-?” I began to ask, but he wordlessly handed it to me, staring ahead. It was only when I unfolded the letter myself that I saw it.

It was my first letter, the letter I wrote to Myung Soo about the crush I had on him months ago.

The first thought which came to my mind was that I had finally found him, the one who picked the letter up and also the one who possibly bought me the piggy pencil and the notebook. I didn’t feel like there was even a mystery to it, the answer was always evident. But knowing the very truth was like having a massive weight lifted from my shoulders, and I was happy for that.

The second thought was that I had finally landed the bomb without even intending to, which I should be seeing to, right that very moment.

“, …” I said, running my hands through my hair. “Myung, I can explain….”

He was silent all the while, and just driving like nothing ever happened. I on the other hand was devastated, thinking of what could possibly happen afterwards. Myung Soo could be ticked so easily, his moods shift so quickly that I could hardly even keep track on how he was feeling one moment and the other; and surely he wasn’t exactly happy about what happened just now. He wasn’t exactly impressed by the fact that the very letter I had been hiding from him was the letter I wrote to him when I liked him which also his brother had evidently picked up; not ending there, and had been pretending to be Woohyun and had replied to. To be honest, I wasn’t completely delighted about it either. I suppose I should have told him everything the first place, not panicking when the thunder had strike unexpectedly.

Just when we were at a second light-stop, Myung Soo stopped the car so abruptly, it was so intense that I almost flew off the seat and Woohyun swore for the first time ever; and he slammed his hand on the steering wheel along with a whole parade of swear words.

“Your bloody secret letter Eunji, this was the big bloody secret you were hiding…”

I looked at Woohyun for help but he seemed as befuddled and helpless as I was.

“When you could have bloody told me, you never did!”

“I was meaning to!” I said in defense and leaned back on my seat. “I just couldn’t bring myself to…”

He muttered something under his breath, stayed silent for a while and asked; “You liked…me?”

I bit my lip, looked out at the crowded road and sighed. “I used to. I used to have this big, dreamy crush on you…”

“Then you should have told me!” He exclaimed so suddenly and pulled the vehicle so fast, I decided that things this so sensitive should never be mentioned to Myung Soo while he was in the process of the kind of things which could be life threatening. “You just never tell me anything!”

This ticked me off by the spur of the moment. How could he accuse me of not telling him anything when he had not told me so many things the first place?

“Hold your horses’ pretty boy!” I said and leaned over the space between the seats. “It’s not I who didn’t tell you anything, if you liked me first, you should have told me and things would have worked out! Besides you didn’t tell me thousands of things! You didn’t tell me that you were dating Naeun, you didn’t tell me that you broke up with her, Hell! You didn’t tell me that you tell me things when I’m bloody asleep!”

“That…” He began and then trailed off like he had lost his words. He was silent again, so was I, so was Woohyun though we all new that he was most likely to combust again.

We passed by a few vehicles, driving at an average speed of 50 kilometers per hour as the dashboard red; Myung Soo tightly gripping the steering wheel that his knuckles had gone pale.

“That is not even the point!” He yelled again and hit the steering wheel once more. Honestly, I despised his angry revelations; at most times he was trying to turn the argument to his favor and it was awful.

“The point is, you liked me and I never knew while I liked you too….and then you stopped liking me while I still did!”

I sighed. Well, he did have a point there but if I had known…”I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“Well, all you’ve got to say is sorry in the end, these are my feelings-!” He yelled again, and Woohyun finally began to interfere.

“Get a grip of yourself, Myung Soo! This is ridiculous!”

I had my face in my hands and they were bickering again. Honestly, if I had known that love was this so complicated, I would have set all the possible emotional barricades to stop myself from falling; if I had known that Myung Soo liked me too, I wouldn’t have written a letter but told him the truth myself, if Myung Soo hadn’t started dating Naeun so that he could cover everything up for his own benefit, I wouldn’t have let my heart turn to Naeun. Looking back, Myung Soo was at fault most of the time though he was blaming me. Surely, he would distant himself again, surely, I had lost his trust completely, but for the first time in my life, I felt I could stand alone. We depended on each other too much that we never even realized it, but now I wanted us both to be independent and open about things. I realized, only then this relationship could go on.

I didn’t want to talk about it anymore, and soon the two guys were silent too. Myung Soo was speeding in anger time to time, and Woohyun would warn him whenever he did. I stayed silent and let my thoughts wander off to Sung Gyu. Before too long, we entered the highway. The din of the argument had died off by then, and suddenly, for my utter befuddlement, Myung Soo said to me; “Eunji, I’m sorry…”

I realized that he’d been speeding because he was reflecting on himself.

“I’m sorry too, Myung Soo” I returned. “I’m really sorry…”

The car slowed down a bit and I realized we were coming to the starting gate of the highway.

‘Maybe…” he began, went silent, and started again. “Maybe we can…forget it ever happened?”

I smiled, leaned through the space between the seats and extended my hand to him. He took it and shook on it with a smile. “Deal”

“Thank goodness” Woohyun said as if to seal it off.

We arrived at the gate to the speedway, and by that time we had an hour and a half or so to go. The speed limit of the road was up to our liking and we began to merrily drive along. While we did, I unfolded the letter again, blindly ripped off my part, feeling a little nostalgic of course, and focused on the next part. This was written by the handwriting I knew so well. I smiled unconsciously. Now knowing whom and where it came from, I couldn’t help but allow my heart to somersault in delight. It had been Sung Gyu all alone, gradually becoming one of the most crucial parts of my life; little had I known, he’s been there for me all along.

Feeling light-hearted, I leaned back in the car and proceeded to read what he’d said. I noticed, it had been dated quite a while ago, by the time I received the last letter.

Strange indeed, since Woohyun said he made him write them a long before that point. Nevertheless, I began to read.

To Eunji, with love. He began, his lettering, though not clear were beautiful to me.

“By the time you get this letter, I’m certain you would have gotten to know everything; that the secret admirer had been Woohyun, to whom I, Kim Sung Gyu, had been helping out by writing the letter. By that time you would also be assuming that, in all technicalities and in the logical sense of the truth, it would make me the secret admirer, because that was what Woohyun was initially planning to do. So here’s the thing.

If you get a chance to, can you please tell Nam Woohyun that he’s an idiot?”

I widened my eyes at what I just read and glanced at Woohyun. I was perplexed. What on earth had been going on?

‘You see, he thinks I hadn’t known what he was planning to do and that I was a complete idiot. But in reality, he’s been the idiot of all. Since everything had possibly gone according to the plan; Eunji, let me tell you the truth now.

I am the secret admirer.

I don’t know if it would or wouldn’t come as a surprise to you, but that is how it is. It was I who picked up the letter and it was I who bought the piggy pencil for you. And I knew that Myung Soo was dating Naeun. But I’ve been feeling for you all before we even met and I knew you all before you knew me. I hope it makes sense. So when Woohyun saw the letter and when I said it was yours written to Myung, Woohyun said we should just complete it and might as well give it to Myung Soo for you, but I didn’t want to break your heart, because I already quite liked you so I thought I could use Woohyun a shield so I told him; “Why don’t we become her secret admirer?” and Woohyun asked, “When she finds out, who will take responsibility?” Woohyun was my shield, so I told him that I was actually planning to set Eunji with him because Myung Soo was already dating Song Naeun.

But you see? I knew that Woohyun wouldn’t end up liking you, because I knew his type. I knew he’d change his mind anyway because he was right after a break-up and he wasn’t feeling much for you anyway. He wasn’t putting much effort into writing the letters either, but telling me what to write... And then I realized what he was playing at. Woohyun was my secretive shield, so I played along. Who got tricked in reality was him.

So if we put Woohyun aside, I was your secret admirer, secretly admiring you from a far for as long as I remember. I found you fascinating the moment Myung Soo told me about you. The pretty but forgetful girl; that is so my type. I quite guessed Myung might like you too, but I also knew that he would never tell you that because he valued the friendship even more. I was baffled and uncertain when he suddenly confessed to you. So knowing that he would return the next day, being all moody, I kidnapped you to Busan for the day. It was selfish, I know, but love is a selfish gain, just so you know. Many things happened, but you see, I was slowly, secretly pulling you to me.

There is the scary bit too. I was afraid to tell you the truth and go into a relationship after what happened, which, I assume you already know.  I was afraid I would end up hurting you in some way; it was not because I was attached to her. I was attached to you, and I was afraid of hurting you. I should have seen it through and understood that I was hurting you anyway, I should have known. I knew you liked me from the day we danced on the street that day, even before you knew it yourself, I suppose. But I was afraid to, I was waiting for the right time.

But I don’t think I can go into a relationship with you. I will like you, you will like me and things will remain that way. What you need to understand is that I cannot take up the responsibility with SK C and C crumbling down on me. I am still uncertain of what we will be doing; there are plans and there is disaster management. All through that, I’m afraid I wouldn’t have time for you. I am not sure if I’d have time for you ever. Because all these don’t seem to end. I’m sorry if I had dragged you into something useless. But just so you know, not even a second we spent together is a waste, because we loved. Though we weren’t exactly in a relationship, we both knew that we loved.

Thus, sadly, I will have to let go of you Eunji, things aren’t the best around me right now and I’m not sure when they will ever be. I’m sorry about what I did to you, despite all that, I will never stop loving you.

Saranghae.

Yours, Kim Sung Gyu.

By the time I had finished reading the letter, I was a crying, laughing, emotional wreck. My hands were trembling, and my heart rate was so fast. All I needed to do right at that moment was leap out the car and go find him, hold him in my embrace and tell him that I loved him too. I couldn’t believe he had pulled such a stunt on me, on Woohyun, on Myung Soo, on all of us. True, I knew he was a genius, but I never guessed let alone knew that he would actually go to the extent of using Woohyun as an excuse to love me. It was strange, it was unbelievable; it became even more unbelievable to think that all this had been happening to me. I read the last line over and over again and sang it in my head like a mantra. It was possibly the second time he told me that he loved me, and it just gave me the fresh euphoria over and over again like it was the first. I didn’t even know what I should do next; all I knew was that I should give all I had to hold him back.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see Myung Soo giving me strange looks. When he seemed like he couldn’t hold it back anymore, he asked; “What happened just now?”

I smiled at the fact of the truth and told him, told them, actually, what I just read. I told them without missing a detail in a rush, and at the end of reading it for the second time, I was crying again. Myung Soo was laughing, like he was genuinely happy and began to muse horribly and tunelessly. ”Woohyun Pabo, pabo!”

Woohyun seemed happy too, and all he did was giving me a warm smile.

“All seem to fall into place” Said Myung Soo, after we had finally settled down. “Despite Hyung’s nonsense which Eunji shouldn’t believe, everything has worked out fine…”

“True” Woohyun said, smiling into distance. I was huddled in the middle space, the letter still clutched in my hands, looking dreamily at the road. I felt as though I was floating. I suppose I would take a while to climb down from the high I was on.

“Sung Gyu and you belong to each other, Eunji…it’s all been fair play” Continued Woohyun in a low voice. “I don’t care if he used me as a shield or whatever…I’m so glad that he was able to make that brave move…”

“Brave indeed” Agreed Myung Soo, still watching ahead. “I would never have guessed Hyung to have done something like it”

I nodded at smiled at the thought. “He’s a strange one indeed…Sung Gyu is…and I love him…”

And then, as though on cue, Myung Soo’s phone began to ring. He held on to the steering wheel with one hand and reached his pocket with the other. He pulled it out and then smiled so cheekily that his eyes began to glow. He was looking at me and I knew it that instant.

“I can’t take it, I might cry” I told them, my voice already cracking.

“You’re such a girl” Myung Soo complained with a laughter and unlocked the phone. Woohyun was laughing and making faces at me while I watched Myung Soo expectantly. He picked up the phone, the same smile plastered on his lips and addressed it. But then, all of a sudden, his face fell. Something dark and gloomy took up his once cheerful expression, the din of the moment suddenly vanished in the air. The ambiance began to grow stale and murky and I held my breath. I knew it that very instant; something has gone awfully wrong.

“Yes…I’m his brother…” Said Myung Soo, and slowly his eyes widened, lips parted, color left his skin. He began to convulse then and slowly his hand fell onto his lap. All I could do at that moment was to watch him without a word, stricken by the apparent horror of the moment.

“Hyung…” Myung Soo said after a while, the car slowing down along the time. “Hyung…he’s gotten into an accident”

And at that very moment, I realized the pain of the moment when your heart stops in time.

PS; Gyu in india made me so happy! Watching the same films that i've watched, talking to people who have somewhat the same genes as us, and GOD THE ROOM,THE BED AND EVERYTHING ABOUT WHERE THEY STAYED IS COMPLETELY SRI LANKA! I saw a bucket near the door of their room and i was leaping in happiness, we have the same bucket in Sri Lanka too!!!

And the bed sheets, and also the dining table set.

Even the airport looks like ours!

We're the neighbors of India like, frigging hell! AND GYU WAS THERE!!!

And he actually watched Kajol dancing in a towel. Please!!!

More fangirling later on.

Enjoy!

(I hope you loved the kiss BTW because I loved it)

Much love,

Achini.

ITS SO GOOD TO HAVE ENA BACK! I LOVE YOU ENA!!!