The days where I was held down under trauma were the most difficult times of my life. I was scared of facing the world back then; I remember how I always hid behind my father whenever a stranger would approach us or whenever my grandmother came to visit. My grandmother never knew of the condition I was in, though. In her eyes, I was always the ungrateful child who killed her daughter. She never knew how mentally weak I was and how easily I would emotionally fall; therefore what she constantly attempted to do to me was hurting me. I was treated by her worse than she would treat her pets; left me out in the rain and fed her puppy the cookies which were supposed to be for me. All through this though, I could vaguely recall my father always telling me, ‘Eunji, fight for it…and stay strong’.

My father was never weak; he had never been. He told me once that my mother told me that I had inherited that one trait from him; I was proud of him, thus, because he was so hard to break. It was from him that I learned this much significant lesson. ‘Never give up without a fight’

When Sung Gyu rejected my feelings even before I had admitted them, I realized that deep down he was happy, deep down he was accepting me and acknowledging how I felt; otherwise he would never have seemed so crestfallen, so sad, he wasn’t the kind to, because I knew, for a certainty that his face never deceived of what he felt, though his words did. There was evidently an obstacle hindering him from following his heart; a great barrier standing on the way that his sentiments would mighty take; a barrier which was coming from his seemingly dejected past. And I also realized that it was I who should break and shatter this wall down, this wall he had built around himself to evade having to fall in love; it wasn’t anything that he could stop from happening nevertheless. But this wall was what he had put up as a frontier thus could hide away from what he feared; he was in denial of being in love; entirely owing to whatever he hid, entirely owing to what I need to unveil, fight and destroy.

The moment he began to distant himself from me, the grim determination bloomed in my heart that I must most profoundly fight for what we’re destined to own.

I began to fight for the love of Kim Sung Gyu.

After Sung Gyu’s sudden rejection; things became dense and cold between us. No smiles were shared, no words were expressed, and all that filled the ambiance of the vehicle was the even fall of our breath and the ambiguity of what lied ahead. That very moment scared me; for we both were unaware of where we were heading to in our lives. We weren’t in love as far as we knew, on the first place, to have deemed that there was anything along the line of chemistry between us. We might have been too close for acquaintances, too involved with each other, too comfortable with our presence; however, as I sat there beside him, in the solid silence inside I realized that we were in love, all from the beginning; what’s been amiss was the exchange of the three words, and his consent.

Nevertheless, he never knew the truth, at least, he wasn’t proved of his true feelings and mine until now; but when he was, he realized, for some reason, that whatever happened had to be stopped. He pulled away, afraid and befuddled, but I was certain to hold on and fight.

I was losing him, it was so evident in his eyes, but just as my father had told me numerous times, I wasn’t to give up on him, not without a fight; for we both knew, myself for a certainty and him in the depth of his heart, that we loved.

The ride to my place was hastier than usual. The night was crisp and a little warm; it didn’t smell of earth anymore, and the sweet scent of apples and spring was outweighed by the reek of burning oil outside. At one point, I wished if it rained. I thought back to that day when it rained and we stood under it, soaked and drenched. I thought back to what he said, about making new memories to overpower the old. I wanted it to rain now, thus he would play music inside. I wanted it to rain now, thus I would hear the sound of it crashing against the surface above; overpowering the dense silence engulfing us. I wanted to recall the days we cherished.

When we finally climbed down by the slope to my house, the cold wind coming from up the road gently kissed our cheeks; it carried the scent of something warm and imperceptible, it also slightly had the trail of baking cake. Sung Gyu had his hands buried in his pocket, hair fallen over his eyes the slightest, sleeves rolled up. He wasn’t smiling as he always would though; pain clouding the features which were naturally bright. I waited him to say something; but when he didn’t, I took a deep breath and turned to him forcing a smile.

“I’ll go in, then” I told him, holding my cardigan close to my chest. He didn’t say anything though, but continued to watch me. I realized, I was losing him, slowly, but only I didn’t know how to hold him back; not knowing what which pained him, I couldn’t think of any ways to hold him back from pulling away.

I bit my lip, bowed a little and turned to leave when suddenly, he took me by my arm. A sudden warmth closed around us slowly, his eyes fixed onto mine. And there I stood, wishing for a change of mind, waiting for any sort of reaction from his part; what came through in the end was that he quickly dropped his hand before stating out; “You’re alone at home”

I smiled in response then, shaking my head. “I’ll be fine” I managed to say in the end. I didn’t feel like I was being truth to myself though; for I wasn’t fine. I was rejected, I was afraid, I was paining so much inside; the bond we shared was too complicated to exist. I was lying to myself. I will not be fine.

He nodded then, turning to leave, and that was when I realized that I shouldn’t be scared anymore. He was hesitant, for the briefest moment, thus I grasped, he was yet to slip away from me, and I was to stop him from doing so.

Without giving it a second thought I moved to him hastily, caught his arm, pressed one palm on the tender warmth of his chest, running the other around his neck, pulling him closer and pressed his lips onto mine.

For one wicked moment, we didn’t move an inch, frozen to the spot, frozen in the moment; hearts beating equally fast in symphony. His lips were cold at that time, but were the softest, the feel of them was of a touch of a butterfly for me. I closed my eyes at the thousand many emotions it gave me; for I was unable to hold them back any longer. I was in love with this impeccable man in my embrace; at that very moment I realized for the first time that I had unconventionally and unconditionally fallen so, so deeply in love.

But hoping that he would respond to this simplest touch was nothing but wishful thinking; when he finally did though, I could swear, my entire world stopped dead in time.

His lips moved against mine then, softly, gently, gradually; his hands moving up my arms, his calloused fingers grazing my skin. The wind blew in hast, carrying the sweetest scent of him which I always loved, seeping into my lungs and filling my heart. I wanted to cry just then, for it was, for me, to have a dream come true; to have him there, in my arms, living that briefest moment of sharing our love.

It could only last for not long, for he was still, still afraid to deem the fact that he too, had so madly fallen in love.

Sung Gyu pulled away almost immediately, dropping his hands, widening his eyes in befuddlement. I noticed how his pupils widened and cheeks flushed pink, I noticed how his lips trembled the slightest, thousand words unspoken but in need to be said. He didn’t voice out a single word that very moment though, he was afraid to, but I had that audacity to do so, thus I did.

“Sung Gyu-Ssi…I like you” I told him as though it was the most natural thing on earth. “I like you, Kim Sung Gyu, I’m not fine because I like you”

“I told you….” He started in a whisper. “I told you I can’t”

The more he denied, the more that strange message which said otherwise of his words remained in his eyes, I realized, the more determined I would be. There was no need to change his heart, because he was only denying of what he really wanted. All I needed to do was try harder, get hold of him, and give my best to make him spit it out, the secret that he hid; the obstacle which stood on his way.

“You can’t…” I muttered and caught him by his collars, not once giving thoughts on what it might look like in his eyes. “But I can” with that, with a strange audacity building up inside me rushing through my veins, I pulled him down once more and caught his lips with mine. He went stiff at the touch, immediately grabbing me by my arms, and all before I could go any further, he pulled away harsher than I ever expected him to be. The look in his eyes was unreadable, hands trembled the slightest, and the very expression he wore killed me slowly, gradually, yet what stood stronger was the will power to win him over with all my heart.

“What’s wrong with you?” He shrilled, widening his eyes in imperceptible horror. His hands dropped lifelessly to his sides, once more did that horror-struck look of denial appear in his eyes.

“You’re what’s wrong with me…” I told him calmly, for I knew that I need to keep myself together in order to mend a broken heart. “It’s you…and like I said, he…you found out”

He shook his head vigorously and took a step back. “Eunji…things don’t work that way…I hope you understand”

“But we can work it out, Sung Gyu-Ssi...” I whispered hopefully, searching in the glisten of his eyes. “If we give it a chance”

“I’ve got to go” He said suddenly and turned to leave. “Make sure the doors are locked, stay safe”

Feeling drained and in one way, outraged, I watched Sung Gyu’s retrieving back, eyes unmoving as though that dependable back of his would ever give me answers. I thought of Myung Soo, and how he always admired his brother for being the strongest person he had known. Sung Gyu was strong indeed, and it wasn’t any wonder how he kept up even with his low stamina, travelling back and forth long distances, staying until late at work and still be smiling through all he had to go through for one single day; but only, Myung Soo never warned me about how vulnerable he would be when it came down to love, how hopeless, how broken he would get just to hide behind that lie of denial all owing to whatever the secrets he hid.

Myung Soo never warned me of those secrets, as terrible might they be.

Myung Soo never warned me that I would fall for him on the first place.

And once it had happened, there was that one great urgency to protect it, that love, because somewhere deep inside me, I knew that he deserved it. It had been long enough that he went on night stands and stayed single like it never mattered. Kim Sung Gyu deserved to be loved.

I didn’t contact anyone that night, I didn’t have the mentality or the strength to, talk to anyone let alone listen to another’s voice. I was rejected once, but Myung Soo’ rejection didn’t feel any bad as much as this once was for me. Myung Soo didn’t reject me on the first place, he was just unaware of what was truly going on. Sung Gyu’s case was different, it was I who had not even a single inkling as to what which could have possibly happened to him.

I knew, or I could only assume only of a certain woman who had been in pain and who loved green tea latte, whom also had shared a special connection with Kim Sung Gyu.

The situation itself was self-explanatory, I needed answers no more.

After freshening myself, I ran household chores just to distract myself from any thoughts involving what happened tonight. I fed puppy his dinner, had coffee myself and finally when I went up to sleep, it was past midnight. I still was far from drowsy though; my mind was muddled, hassled, preoccupied, and all I needed was ways and means to calm my heart. I had fallen asleep in the end, which must have happened somewhere in the middle of my train of thoughts and happened to wake up the next morning when puppy was my feet. It was a little too early at that time; I realized, it was probably because it was my first time to be in the house by myself.

I didn’t feel any better though, out of place, more likely and the slight hang over from the night before was making it thousand times worse. The house was too silent for my liking with my father still out, and even the slightest sound of my feet padding on the floor resonated throughout. The ambiance was quite chilly and it was still a little dark outside. The sun had barely raised, the sky held a crispy shade of lavender and grey and from somewhere far I could hear the frogs croak and a woman screaming at her kids. The world was going in its ordinary pace, it was only us, Sung Gyu and I, who had fallen behind.

I stretched out my limbs, standing at the foot of the staircase and picked Puppy who was wagging his tail by my feet. Jindos must be taking long to grow up since he was still about the size where I could easily pick him up. He my nose welcomingly, I put him down since it didn’t feel right.

I had been wrong. I thought I would be alright, that I would be strong and unwavering when this would happen in the end, but I had been drastically wrong. What’s done was done and I had no turning back.

Since it was too early for college, I busied myself with cleaning the kitchen counters and making breakfast. I hadn’t much appetite that I made only scrambled eggs with bacon and toast, and ran a bath afterwards. After I had fed puppy his breakfast and cleaned his litter it was only past seven thirty and the sun had raised. While downing a couple of cookies with milk, puppy and I watched one of those sappy dramas for housewives and suddenly began to feel nostalgic. I thought of Sung Gyu and how he found it funny that we were like those lonely, messed up characters we find in them. We weren’t, as I believed; the four of us weren’t as how they portray us to be. We were only stuck in one moment without knowing the ways to escape. The drama was getting on my nerves, honestly, so I shut it off, popped in the last of the cookies, downed the milk, gave puppy the rest and went off to the front door.

Just as I unlocked and pushed it open, my phone shrilled in my pants. It was Myung Soo.

“I could never get lucky last night” Myung Soo said from the other side, sounding groggy and low as though he was severely sleep deprived.. “Noona suddenly came down from Japan. She’s got some issue on her in-laws side, Omma wants me to accompany them to Jeonju-do”

I scratched my head, trying to recall if I had any memories of him mentioning a noona of his who lived in Japan and who had in-laws; in the end, I remembered the family photograph in their living room back in Sung Gyu’s parents’ house. Of course, they have an older sister; I cursed at how things easily slipped my mind.

“Ah” I mused, leaning on the opened door. “Are you not at home now?”

“Nope” he replied, and I did hear the faint sound of air and someone murmur from his part. “I’m in the train actually. I had to rush and fetch them last night”

I nodded, biting my lip as though he could see me. I thought of his brother, and wondered why he wasn’t asked to accompany them while Myung Soo was the youngest. I asked Myung Soo about this, actually, since he didn’t seem to be in his best state the night before; deep inside there was guilt, and sadness of some sort, lurking hot and white behind my eyes.

“He’s got work” Was Myung Soo’s reply. “Besides he need to be present at office, uncle had planned on visiting him there….if noona’s in-laws cause problems, he does too…ah well…”

I couldn’t exactly pin-point his vague remarks though. Maybe it had also slipped my mind, whatever’s with his noona and his uncle; and when I was all about to ask him, a distant fumble erupted from his phone, followed by his voice. “I have to hang up now, Eunji. Go for lectures! And take care” Soon it was only a loud beep I could hear from the other end.

With a long, frustrated sigh, I closed my eyes, stretched my hands out the door and stepped out. The wooden porch made a languid creak at my approach and the sound of the frogs was nearer. It was warm outside, given that the season of the sun was almost around the corner, and it smelled of sunlight and rotten pineapples; the garbage collector hadn’t come around as it seemed.

Just at the moment when I fluttered open my eyes did I see a flash of black pulling by. For a split of a second, my heart stopped in time, pupils widening in response. My sight was perfectly fine for the record; and I was almost certain that I wasn’t hallucinating things; it was there, really, factually there; Sung Gyu’s vehicle and rushed by in a flash.

Or else, it could even be my eyes playing tricks on me which didn’t even make sense. Out of impulse, I ran down the slope, careful not to tumble, still in my house slippers, hope arising within my mind. It could even be superficial, honestly, Sung Gyu couldn’t possibly have stayed out here the whole night in this terrible humid pre-summer weather; but my mind seemed to believe otherwise, as though it was taking all the possible means to persevere the misleading thoughts I harbor myself.

I looked to the either sides, searching for a least of a glint of his presence to satisfy my assumptions. I found none though, for my great disdain, and feeling even wretched than I already was, I made it up the slope and into my house.

Relationships had never been so frustrating in my life; it wasn’t even anything close to being one to start with, yet here I were, alleviating this entire ordeal with my own deceptive assumptions which didn’t even make any sense at the end of the day.

Lectures were boring, with no Myung Soo beside me, even more so. The lesson was about gender discrimination which I should have found interesting but I was too preoccupied, my mind, along with my heart was in too much of an endless hassle that I couldn’t at all concentrate on the lessons. My lunch consisted of only a bagel and a carton of milk since I had lost my appetite and sustain throughout this mental turmoil; in the end I decided to skip the afternoon lectures (regardless of Myung Soo’s impromptu threat which he texted me during lunch hour) only to find it bustling and Sung Yeol in one of his temperaments.

It was as if everybody’s had their karma tolling on them on the negative end of the spectrum. Sung Yeol was on his moody-go, Chorong unnie had apparently ended it with Moon oppa and was crying in a corner thinking nobody heard, Yeosob had caught a cold, Sung Jong had burnt his hands, things were going bad for Myung Soo down there in Jeonju according to the last time he reported me, and here I was, cowering in a corner, throwing a tantrum on my own, cursing the uneventful ambiance around. Conversely though, days giving you limes were perceptibly inevitable; therefore, as calmly as I may be, I got down to work and pretty much distracted myself with it.

I was up on the platform, wiping the tables with a couple arguing about something mundane on my right when Sung Yeol approached me, his face darkened and lips straight. I looked at him questioningly, unable to understand what his mood might possibly mean, he took me by my wrist in response. “Can we talk?”

Sung Yeol, for me was a brother I’ve never had. True, he could climb up my nerves in an instance and his constant mood shifting was almost rooted into him; he loved and maybe even enjoyed complaining about how incompetent I was, how every one of his employees were, however, after having spent years being his ‘reportedly incompetent’ employee, I had come to learn that it was Sung Yeol’s eccentric way of showing us that he cared.

But when he actually broke the news to me, I couldn’t help it but take a good five minutes to return to my true self from the overly-excited and deeply surprised teen girl I momentarily became. To be honest, I never thought of Sung Yeol to be a person of that particular kind.

That kind who wouldn’t haste and dash but patiently wait for days, months, years even for the right moment to come by. When I realized this fact, I felt quite disappointed in myself though. I cursed at how I always overlook those tiny but most definitely important details. I thought of Myung Soo, and eloquent theory of his about the key to one’s heart. Sung Yeol wasn’t someone who thought that gravely about trust, to my great relief, of course I didn’t need another round of Myung Soo and trust issues; but then again, it depends on how people live their lives. While Myung Soo would find himself always dependent, Sung Yeol was independent, rebellious. He just loved to speak out his heart.

And maybe, that was the very reason why I didn’t believe his words on the first go.

“No way” Was my vague response, before clutching hard onto the leather veneer of the cushion I sat on. “No friggin’ way, Sung Yeol”

He smiled, in a way that I had never witnessed before and pushed aside his raven black hair. “I knew you wouldn’t believe it”

“But Chorong?” I echoed in a whisper, widening my eyes. “Park Chorong?”

“Always been…it’s been three years now”

“B-but…” I stuttered, trying to compose myself. “Sung Yeol, you…waited that long? Why didn’t you ever tell her?”

“She’s been unreachable all this time”

I raised my hand and hit his head. “Idiot. Man up eh! And here you were, being my love messenger.”

“Hey, is that the right way to treat your boss?”

I ignored him and continued trying to compose myself. Lee Sung Yeol, despite being my, well, boss; had always been the average boy next door. He was sweet when he’s not fuming and had a bright-eyed smile that anyone would fall for. His height was always his plus point, and his weird way of showing his love; he and Myung Soo shared a strange love-hate relationship, but Myung Soo had told me numerous times that he loved Lee Sung Yeol just the way he is. He would crack a joke once in a while, no matter if it earned others’ laughter or not, and was always committed to his job. Not to mention how self-absorbed he was, and that simply was what which made Lee Sung Yeol, Lee Sung Yeol.

So hearing that he had been holding onto one girl, not just any girl but that one girl who had been working, lamenting, whining, and fuming by his side almost every single second, without even giving single inkling of how he felt towards her made me wonder where I had been all this time. I couldn’t believe I had missed out something so simple but exquisite as such, I had been overlooking so many things in life…

Sung Yeol was well composed. His strange ways were easily misinterpreted though, and that was probably why things really missed our senses. Chorong, I was certain, was completely unaware of how he felt.

In the end, after a deep breath and pressing my hand onto my chest, I gave him a grave look.

“She broke up with Moon oppa”

He nodded, the darkened expression from before returning to his eyes. “Yeah…that Moon…he’d been cheating on her all this time”

“So I heard” I added with a quick nod. “Are you going to take the chances, while the slot is free?”

He made a thoughtful face, looking at the mosaic beyond my shoulder. “Not yet…nope. She needs time”

I raised my brows. “So the whole point of telling me this is?”

“Just” He shrugged and sat back, straightening his lean torso. “Just….I wanted to get it off my head a bit”

“Oh” I said understandingly. “Well, I hope it worked out well…”

“One more thing” He added, and reached his pocket. “You’ve got a letter”

My body tensed, something cold rushing into my veins. The admirer. I had been held up with the entire Sung Gyu ordeal and my father’s sickness and also Myung Soo’s sudden confession along with Woohyun’s photo-shoot, that the admirer totally slipped my mind. I felt as though I neglected his attention all this while, but then again, I realized how ridiculous it was.

The secret admirer was definitely in the circle I was surrounded with. All I needed was a tiniest of an inkling to find out whom exactly might it be.

What made me sadder though, when I finally took it in my hands was that I was certain, perfectly certain that Kim Sung Gyu, regardless of how strongly I felt towards him, was completely out of the league. He wouldn’t dare take such an initiative as writing a love letter, he wouldn’t even be intrigued by me on the first place. The very thought of him cringed my heart, it was as though he was slowly slipping away, only telling me that I needed to hold on harder.

With a deep sigh, feeling nostalgic than eager, I opened the letter. It was as though I didn’t even care whom the admirer really was, for the person that I admired the most was pushing me out of his life, all for whatever he was hiding in his heart and nothing else seemed to matter to me anymore.

Even when I read the content of the letter, I couldn’t feel anything; I wondered if my heart had honestly gone numb. I went through his words though, trying to read between the lines and catch that particular hidden voice; what came to me in the end was nothing.

Dear Eunji,

How have you been? Are you happy? Are you sad? Although I can read what you show I can’t read what you feel….I wish I could, this thought, somehow makes me sad.

I hope you’re well at this very moment. I hope there’s not a single tear. I hope it’s not my wishful thinking either, though something tells me, you’re crying inside. It’s a strange feeling, honestly, it isn’t anything that I want to feel.

That is why I came to this decision, my dear Eunji that this needs to come to an end at one point. Don’t you agree? Because I feel as though we are going round and round in circles, ending up at the same place we started. By some mean, we are, but then, we aren’t. You and I, we need to find answers. Maybe it’s time for you to start guessing who I am. Have you? Ever? Well, I know you have.

Let us finally meet up, Eunji, let me finally show you who I am. Does it sound legit, does it make sense? Its making perfect sense to me, maybe it does to you too. Let’s meet up, and decide whom we are.

I want you to give your answer below, I know how old fashioned it is, you can laugh at me for it when we meet, but do tick the right box and hand this to him who gave this letter to you.

I hope you’re looking forward to see me.

Take care.

Written below were two single words following two badly drawn tick boxes. One said yes, the other said no. After I had read the letter for a third time, something began to bloom inside me in a strange way that I had never felt before. It was something close to curiosity, finally being able to unveil one significant point of this puzzle. Of course there was evidently more to it, but for some reason, I felt as though this was the end of the string that he was offering me, the string which, if I’d pull, would lead me to everything riddled in this strange story I’m tangled in.

Sung Yeol was silent all the while, carefully watching my every move. It was obvious that he knew whom he was, however for the diligent person he was, Sung Yeol would never give away and blow the cover of someone innocent. I decided to not to question anymore; there was no point of doing so, honestly, when he had actually claimed it that he’d finally show himself, and on the other hand, despite the curiosity, the wanting to have this particular person made mine was gone. It was as though there was no other person that my heart was asking for. It was that determination to not to give up, that hope that I’d never hopelessly move on like it never happened. Sung Gyu was in pain, we were something for each other, and there was love. Something was stopping him and it was my duty to help him out, to show that he still can love.

When I looked up, Sung Yeol was holding out a pen, a slight curl was there on his lips. His eyes watched me earnestly then, giving me a fevering sense that this decision would determine, or maybe find answers for something prominent, thus without much hesitation I ticked the box which I felt right.

“I hope things work out right” Sung Yeol said, pushing the folded paper into his pocket with a smile, once I had returned it to him as I was told. In some strange way, I felt deeply satisfied, like what I did was right, but then again, deep inside, felt tad bit ashamed, as though I was giving into someone where another hadn’t even ended yet.

Even though I never knew whether we ever even began.

It was just around one in the afternoon at that time, and I was in the kitchen, helping Yeosob out with the late lunch orders, with Sung Yeol just around the vicinity when he got a call from someone unexpected.

“Oh, Sung Gyu hyung…”

Out of impulse, I stopped whatever I was doing and shifted my attention to him, feeling something tight restraining my breath. The conversation was brief with a couple of languid yes’s and no’s from Sung Yeol’s part, once he was done, he turned to me.

“Hyung wants you there…something important has come up”

It was owing to all that he and I went through the day before that a strange excitement raised in me, hearing that he wanted to meet me, personally, out of all the people around. My heart was beating in a wild pace, screeching in an imperceptible voice even, in my head, it was as though my inner self was in a futile attempt to calm its wits. I took off my apron and hung it in the dressing room, put down my hair from the lose ponytail that I had put it in, washed my hands which were covered of black bean paste, looked into my reflection in the ladies’ mirror and finally headed out, trying not to breath hard as though I had run a mile.

I had been inside SK C and C once twice, once to attend the opening ceremony, the next to discuss about the internship that Sung Gyu was willing to offer me. Both this times I was accompanying someone that I never had the right opportunity to look around, thus when I entered the company a third time, I realized what kind of a person I had fallen in love with.

The CEO of SK C and C, the young, rich, powerful specimen of a perfect chaebol of whom I didn’t even have a single spot in the league.

The high walls were of clear crystal glass, the afternoon sunlight seeping through it, landing on the cold granite with a brilliant glow. Every inch of the interior was chilling cold yet bustling with employees well dressed. The elevator even, was out of crystal glass, and filled constantly with people every ride it took. There were escalators too, which seemed more reliable than the lift to me, thus I climbed onto it and made my way to the top most floor, the eleventh floor where the CEO’s office was, which I remembered clearly well.

Unlike the rest of the company residence, the eleventh floor was entirely furnished of coffee shaded veneer, each cubicle parted with plastic panels and iron knobs; it scented of plastic and something refreshing, and since the eleventh floor held only the secretariat other than the CEO’s office itself, it was calmer, comparatively, and admittedly scarier than the rest. It was quite colder as well, that I had to put on the cardigan I brought alone, over the café’s uniform before walking down the wade corridor, passing a few ladies in sophisticated attire, to the furthest end where the office was. Sung Gyu’s sectary had her own little cubicle outside, and she was diligently engaged in her own work as I passed by, her acknowledging me with a slight nod; once I was facing the coffee brown panel of the door, I pressed a hand on my chest, trying to calm my heart and took a deep breath.

Whatever he had to talk about with me, I had to face him, bravely, and never let my guards down regardless of how I might feel towards him. Feeling my heart going in frenzy, I placed the knuckles of my fisted hand on the veneer of the door, and knocked three times.

“Come in” came his business like voice quite faintly from inside. It was my first time hearing him speak that way, so deep and grave, and for a moment, my heart tensed, the memory of him from the previous night rushing into my mind.

But I couldn’t keep him waiting, he was the CEO no matter how close we were and I was to follow the hierarchy while at work. Thus, without wasting another second, I pushed open the door which made a comfortable creak, and Sung Gyu’s voice followed suite.

“Well that took long enough-,”

And stopped, his eyes gaping at me, widened with surprise as though I was paying him an unexpected visit before he gave me a seemingly annoyed look. “Eunji-Ssi…what are you doing here?”

Caught off guard by surprise, I stepped in, letting the door close on its own. “I thought….I thought you asked for me…”

“I…” He began, in a voice so small that I could hardly grasp, before he pressed both his fists to his temples and leaned against his mahogany bureau. “Sung Yeol that punk”

Before I could say anything in retort, Sung Gyu pulled out his phone, and buried one hand in his pocket, eyes focused somewhere random and far. It hurt me, honestly, seeing him putting up a façade which never matched the person he truly was. Sung Gyu was pretending, he was pretending to be cold, he’s pretending to be a person he had never been to defend something he’s too stubborn to reveal. Although I thought it would make me feel weak and vulnerable, it didn’t, because I knew that this wasn’t the person that Kim Sung Gyu really was. It made me stronger, more determinant, the urge and the fortitude to save him from this pitch black hole he had fallen into never wavered once.

“Sung Yeol” he muttered, his tone deep and low. “I told you to send anyone but Eunji, what are you thinking?”

Hearing his painful statement, my heart fell momentarily, I held on though, I was certain that he didn’t mean anything he said.

“Are you drunk? Did you hit your head? She can’t-,”

He sighed, raking his hands exasperated through his hair. “Listen, She…” He sighed again and shifted on his feet. “Ah never mind, never mind” with that, he cut off the line and turned to face me.

There was a moment of silence, the kind of silence where our eyes and minds would speak stronger, louder than words would, the kind of silence that we take to contemplate and regard one another in different perspectives than we view them when we speak. It wasn’t uncomfortable, it wasn’t hurting either, it was just…silence, and through which, I wondered why it was so difficult to admit that he cared.

He did, virtually, when he said that I can’t, whatever the reason he had asked for someone from Sung Yeol.

The reason why I couldn’t do this specific task, I wanted to find out.

“Why is it anyone but me, President Kim?”

He seemed frayed by my sudden question, and for the way I addressed him probably, even more so. There was a glint of annoyance in his eyes, lips pursed into a straight line, and after a moment which he seemed to take to ponder on what just happened, he stepped towards me dropping his hands.

“Never mind that….come now”

Without daring to say another word, given that my previous inquiry was gone through deaf ears, I followed after him.

I had been to Sung gyu’s office only once, and found it alluring the very first time. It seemed to speak more about his personality; his professionalism yet the simplicity. There weren’t many fancy ornaments or lamp posts or anything of the sort, except for the peach colored sofa pushed to a side with a sophisticated little coffee table, a plate of toffees atop, there weren’t much to it, and his bureau was well organized, his plushy but simple leather chair back-facing the glass panels through which the afternoon sunlight seeped in. The office was facing the brilliant view of the Seoul city, every detail clearly defined; and I wondered the day I entered the room first if Sung Gyu too stands and looks over the view when he’s frustrated and bored, like they did in dramas I’ve watched. I wondered if, at work, Sung Gyu was that kind of a man.

The walls were pale white, with crispy grey flooring, and on the right wall was a single door with a plastic tree planted in a white pot kept on its side. This was the door that he led me to, and he opened it, stepped aside, revealing me the most astonishing view I had never even guessed I would see.

Two little kids, boys, were sluggishly sitting on the ‘L’ shaped Sofa set, dressed in matching clothes, chewing on lollies. They were just around six years old, and I realized, with a strange pang in my heart that they quite resembled him, Sung Gyu.

They had the very same tiny but alluring, intelligent eyes.

I thought of his behavior towards me, and I thought, honestly, that this secret of his wouldn’t hurt me.

But my sudden conclusion definitely did.

Sung Gyu, however, as if reading my mind, gave me a knowing look before he spoke, as if in response to my unasked doubts. “These are my nephews, Noona’s twins, she left them with me until they return from Jeonju”

Without saying a single word, I nodded. The two looked exactly the same, identical, as though one was copied from the other. I wondered how they could tell them apart, maybe that was where the different colors of their clothes come in.

Sung Gyu walked in, and I followed after him. The room looked spacious yet no different from his office itself. It seemed as though it was the place where the CEO would hold meetings in private. The sofa inside was of a different shade than the other and much bigger, there was a coffee table with nothing but a bead-designed table mat. There was yet another door on the right corner, the room got the very same view as the office, the sunlight washing in; and was a little colder than the other. The air conditioner crackled softly above us time to time. There were also two identical bags on the furthest corner of the sofa, several boyish toys thrown about. The boys regarded us as though we were an eye sore before one of them climbed down and ran towards the glass panels.

Sung Gyu reacted almost immediately, which I found absolutely adorable.

“Yah, Gyu-Shil!” The kid was looking out the glass panel at the seemingly scary view up close, eyes filled with fascination. I felt something really warm running in my veins, something close to adoration, and stared at how his tiny legs held that chubby little bundle of love up in pure fascination. To be honest, I have always had a thing for babies, especially these cute, fluffy chubby ones with tiny eyes and rosy cheeks. Handsome men with babies, even more so.

Out of whim, I wondered how he would be like if he were a father; Sung Gyu, I mean. I wondered how good of a daddy he would be.

“Gyu-Shil-ah, hyung told you to not to go near the glass!” He said, sounding completely different from before while carrying the little human as he would carry a kitten picked up from mud. The child, looking all confused looked up at his ‘uncle’ as he gently made him sit beside his identical brother before squatting down before them.

“Gyu-Shil, Jae-Shil, Hyung has to go for an important meeting now, can you stay with this…” He turned around, gesturing at me with his hand and stared at me for the briefest moment, trying to find the right word to address me. “…This noona until I come? Don’t give her too much of trouble okay?”

The boys sat without moving an inch, their little limbs pressed onto the expensive material of the cushion and briefly observed me with judgmental eyes as though I was someone who shouldn’t be around their vicinity. Their eyes, despite their age was scary, to be honest, and given that I hadn’t been around kids much, I suddenly felt feverish, all sorts of scenarios which basically involved the twins murdering me flooded my mind. Only then I realized what Sung Gyu meant by ‘She can’t’, looking at the circumstances, I couldn’t assure myself if I would do a good job despite how much I thought that they were absolutely adorable, let alone escape this situation in one piece. But then again, since I had stepped into this myself, I had no turning back.

Sung Gyu ruffled the two tiny heads while the kids remained as if they were stoned, pressed his palms on his knees and finally stood up before making his way towards me.

“It wouldn’t take long, keep an eye on them; they start acting up when I’m not around”

I glanced at the two kids who were seemingly plotting plans to kill me behind that tiny fluffy faces of them and shrilled inside momentarily. They looked innocent though, but I could faintly remember Myung Soo coming with a plastered eye, claiming that his noona had come to a visit with her two devils who had, as described, attacked him with a pencil just because he drew a frog the wrong way; I cursed at how this slipped my mind, and promised myself to not to cross the border.

Or go too near them for that matter.

While at the door, Sung Gyu turned to me. “In case I get late, there are two bottles of fruit squash in their food compartments. Don’t get the bags wrong. Green is Gyu-Shil, Blue is Jae-Shil. I’ll be back”

With that, and without even wishing me good bye in case I wouldn’t get to see him, let alone see day light again, Sung Gyu closed the room’s door behind me and vanished out of my sight. From outside I could hear him speaking to his secretary about something along the line of a meeting to discuss the annual budget, and soon even that died with the soft creak of his office door closing.

For a few deadly minutes, the three of us remained silent; the boys watching me, and me watching them it was as though we were waiting for the call to start hammering each other, and looking at the seemingly deadly toys which they could use to give me a slow, painful death, I realized, the silence wouldn’t last long.

As predicted, it didn’t.

The moment they learned that their uncle had gone from their sight, one of the boys, the kid in a green jumper suit, whatever his name was, slipped down the sofa and ran towards the glass panel, his brother following suit. Remembering how Sung Gyu told them to not to go near it, I rushed to their side, hoping one of them wouldn’t stab me with something sharp and pulled them back by running both my hands around their waists.

“Your hyung told you to not to go-,”

The one in green dashed and wriggled before getting out of my grasp, the other following the same as his brother; in return to their writhing, I fell down on my .

By then I was certain of the fact that Sung Gyu, regardless of how cold he was towards me, was trying to give me some mercy by saving my . I realized that I should have listened, when the two again started to gaze out, standing so close to the edge, looking fascinated as though they were watching a movie yet to be released, I realized that I should have listened to him without asking him further questions.

“Kids, come on!” What made it stranger was that the two were seemingly taking after Myung Soo more than their biological uncle. How four year olds could be so…stubborn?

“Aish, what how did he keep you two sitting there? Go, sit, kids!”

No matter how much I tried, the never seemed to budge but continued to watch the outside scenery with such admiration filling their eyes. I assumed that the two had never been brought up here, to this seemingly fascinating place for them, and the kids were obviously enjoying it as they might; giving up my futile attempt of convincing them, I sat in the middle between the two of them and joined their endless stare out of the window.

As soon as I joined them, though, the kid in green ran back to the sofa, the other followed after him. I buried my face in my hands with a groan. "Seriously now?!?"

Catching breath, one after the other and trying my best to not to snap, I made it back to the boys. They eyes me suspiciously, as though I was some sort of evil trespasser sneaking into their vicinity, and the moment I sat beside them on the sofa, the kid in green ran again towards the window, his brother following after his brother.

I couldn’t believe that they were Sung Gyu’s nephews, let alone looked just like him. They must be taking after their father. Groaning in frustration, I slumped back into the sofa and stared up at the roof above. It was of textured wood with tiny details that one could hardly grasp, even through it though, I could catch Sung Gyu’s simplicity. His ways were molded into almost everything surrounding him…

Well, except for his nephews.

“Kids, I’m going to tell your hyung, I’m going to tell your hyung”

My pleas and threats were gone through deaf ears, it was as though I was screaming into empty space as though I were a lunatic. I went back to them near the window panes, then they ran back to the sofa and sat like nothing happened. This happened twice, back and forth, thus when I was tired of their doing and screaming after them, I sat by the window panes and pretended to watch the day passing by. They remained silent and still for a moment, the entire room drowning in uncomfortable, utter silence. I could hear the sound of my own breathing and the shrill crackle of the air conditioner; it was scary, honestly, to be stuck with those two little devils; I tried my best to not to freak out too much.

It was after a while that I began to hear from my back something more dreading and horrible.

The horrid sound of cushion being pounded on, on and on with two tiny pairs of imp feet.

I turned around, slowly, eyes narrowed, fearing how frightening the sight may be. Sung Gyu might be simple and all, but I was certain that the cream colored sofa cost the company few thousand wons and the little devils were ruining it for good.

I stood up, convulsing a little in utter horror. The sofa shook with each little pound, and in no time, two of its cushions fell off, stained with ugly dirt like a splat of dark coffee on milk and the rest had ugly stretched marks, the leathery material completely destroyed.  Even the coffee table shook with their force, the beads hitting lightly the glass surface.  They went on with their conduct as if nothing was wrong in doing it. The one in green, the most mischievous one would eye me time to time, seeming annoyed, and when it was so difficult to watch them any longer, I covered my face with my hands and sat on the floor with a loud groan.

I would never have twins, never.

After a while, a sudden knock came on the door. Relief washed over me, assuming that Sung Gyu had come back so early and glad that he would get a chance to witness who the real culprits were all before I could get accused (not that Sung Gyu would actually think that I jumped up and down on a sofa), but when an unfamiliar voice called from outside, panic took over in my guts.

I could not let them see what world war was on toll inside, I could not let anyone witness how incompetent I were.

Acting out of impulse, I ran towards the kids, and caught one of them in my tight grip, holding him against my chest and put him down. He writhed in my arms like a fish out of water, and hit my nose in the process. Wincing at the impact, I put in the cushion which fell off and caught the second kid. However by the time I put down the second kid, the first one climbed up again and started at it soon after. The knocking on the door was still on, and a female voice called my name; I realized, it was Sung Gyu’s secretary from outside whom I befriended the first time I visited here.

“Coming!” I called out, chucking down the first kid again with force just as the second one climbed up again. My arms hurt, my back felt like I was hit with a baton and I wished I could sit in a corner and wail.

In the end, I gave up on putting them down, ran my hands twice through my hair in case I looked like a ship wreck and feigned ignorance at whatever the kids were doing before heading off to the front door.

I stuck my head out only to find the secretary outside, dressed in a stylish dress-suit and a fake smile with a file in her hands.

“Yes?” I inquired, trying to not to look baffled. Her eyes darted around, as if searching for something and stole a peek through the crack of the door and gave me a smile. “Umm, I wanted to know if everything is alright….the secretariat just next door complained about….a loud noise…?”

She tried to peek in again, that I quickly slid out and clacked the door close behind me and forced out a smile. “No…everything is fine” I said casually, ignoring the fact that the pounding has suddenly stopped.  “Everything is absolutely…perfectly fine”

The girl’s smile remained intact, its fake glow gradually vanishing as she watched my reaction with suspicious eyes before she shrugged it off in response. “Hmm….okay. By the way, Eunji-Ssi, can you do me a favor? I’ve got to run now so…” she held out to me the file she had in hand. “This is the finance report from the advertising department; Mister Kim asked for it before he left, hand it over when he comes, But please do hold on to it, don’t leave it here…”

I watched her uncertainly without giving her any reaction. I couldn’t believe she even addressed me as though she was here to boss me around. What did she think she was? Forcefully, she pushed the file to my chest and I grabbed it out of reflex when it began to slide off my hands.

She smiled. “Cool. I’ll be going then…”

I watched her retrieving back, annoyed. I couldn’t believe she left me with a confidential file which I had no right to lay a hand on, what was she thinking?

“Miss” I called out, gaining her attention, and nodded at the door. “Where are you going that is so urgent? I’m just a café waitress, I can hand it over but I have no right to do so, it’s your job”

She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Oh please. I am on a higher level than you are, of course you’re a waitress, that’s why I can order you around and that’s why you have to listen. Take care love”

Before even I could say anything, the secretary disappeared out of the door, the clacking of her heels getting distant by seconds. I stood still, glaring at the front door as though she could see me through the wood and finally let out a sigh. Of course, I remembered her from the first time, how she was getting all strangely friendly around me, I should have realized what exactly her true intentions were. She was, without a doubt hitting on Kim Sung Gyu.

I wanted to laugh, honestly, thinking of how her reaction would be if she too heard from him that he had given up on love. But then again, it wasn’t any funny to me when I heard it, and we fall when we fall thus nothing gave me the right to think so cruelly of something so sensitive.

Keeping her words in mind to not to lose the folder, I returned to the door and screwed its handle;

Only to find that it was locked.

The kids were still inside, they had locked me out. My day couldn’t get any worse.

With a deep sigh, I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against the whiteness of the wooden door. There was no sound coming from inside, the kids might as well had thrown themselves down the building, and I didn’t want to imagine the rest of my life. In a voice loud enough to get through, I called them.

“Kids, please open the door for noona, hmm? Noona will buy you…” I pause to think of what six year old boys would possibly like and go on. “…noona would buy you chocolates…or-or a nice milkshake….or-,”

There was no use, honestly; the kids were taking after their uncle and there was no way that Myung Soo would fall for it if I listed down all the scrumptious food items in the world. I gripped at the handle, the other pounding on the cold wood with the folder in hand and made a desperate attempt of opening it up which eventually went all futile. The door remained intact, silence emanated from inside and all I could wish for was for the boys to be at least hanging on an antenna or a pole or something by their green-blue jumpers while in the process of the fall. Sung Gyu would hate me forever if that happened, Myung Soo would hate me more; they would push me out of their lives for killing their beloved nephews, and I would be devastated, unemployed and probably on the road, Sung Yeol complaining of how incompetent I was-

With a reluctant sigh, I clutched the folder against my chest, cursing the inconsiderate secretary of his who was in a grave need to be shifted elsewhere but here and sat on the floor, my back pressed against the door. I thought back to the last night, to Sung Gyu’s incredible discovery followed by his heart-wrenching rejection. I thought of how I so boldly kissed him, how he returned it to me so uncertainly as though wondering if he was doing it right. I thought of how turned so cold towards me by the matter of a second, I thought of the distinct look in his eyes, the fear, the denial…

I thought of how much of an incredible phenomena it was; falling in love. We fall for another person, all flesh and bones and maybe wealth, a good car and a posh degree, only for the sake of love which leads to a special connection which would turn physical and intimate by the time, in the end giving life to more of our kind.

This thought made my cheeks flush in deep red, honestly. I could never look at Sung Gyu or even Myung Soo in the light of them one day becoming fathers’, now it all seemed strange and surreal to me. That’s what we all are here, that’s what the ultimate goal of life with all the hardships and commitments we walk through; the wealth, education, good jobs, clean reputations, love, affection all came down into the process of finding that happiness, success in life; the happiness of seeing more of us, and die without regrets.

It all suddenly began to seem all eccentric and surreal. Such a long process only to generate more of our kind. Life was strange indeed.

I was held up in my train of thoughts, mind wandering off and all when a sudden sound of a knock distracted me. I sat up almost immediately, pulling down the edge of my skirt, imagining the fate of my job when the knock came again; I realized, it was coming from inside.

The little devils were checking if I were still alive.  I grinned to myself like a fool playing hide and seek with toddlers and remained still without making a single sound. They might as well assume that I had passed out or something, I was certain that their little brains couldn’t think of anything clever, therefore I wasn’t even ready for it when the door flew open that I fell flat on the granite on my back like a tree off its roots. I could see the boys standing by my head, seeming happy and all satisfied.

Like said, my day couldn’t get any worse.

A sudden anger, along with something horrid pricking my pride, bloomed inside me; I resisted it hard, the urge to scream out my annoyance, alongside the urge to choke the little ones and forced out a fake smile before rolling on my back, pressing my elbows on the cold surface.

“Well that was bad, bad of you…” I muttered through my gritted teeth. “I will tell hyung and get back to you…”

It went through deaf ears though. Instead of listening to my blabbering, the two ran over me, into Sung Gyu’s spacious office space. I saw my whole life running in a reel in the back of my head until this point. They would destroy the CEO’s haven and I will be gone for good. Things had only started with one little devil sitting on his table, he other swiveling on his chair, and before even I could stumble towards him, the one in green whom I was certain to despise my whole life, hit the seemingly expensive, probably worth-of-my-entire-salary pale-blue salted sand clock; it shattered into pieces by a matter of seconds before my very eyes.

It probably marked the end of my job, my shattering acquaintance with Sung Gyu and the end of my petty life.

“No!” I screamed, as if it made it any different. “No! Not that please!”

My pleas came too late, the clock had shattered mercilessly on the granite floor, the blue sand spread out like angel dust. I could see my entire love life crumbling down, even the last of a chance I had vanishing before my eyes. I crouched down the floor, helplessly gathering the broken shards of this glass. The kids were still not planning to retreat, and were probably making the mess even worse up there. I gathered the glass, and even the smooth particles of salt as if I could put them all together and mend it, cursing the entire universe under my breath. I should never have thought that the kids were cute, I should never have thought they were adorable or anything of the sort. The kids were giving me nightmares to last a life time and was ruining what’s smallest of the remainder of my petty love life, they were ruining everything-

There came another single sound of something being accidently pushed off the table’s edge, and I could catch the slightest glimpse of the two checking out the model of an air buss kept on Sung Gyu’s table before something heavy and rectangular fell on my face without mercy; I instantly closed my eyes; and it ended up hitting sharply right above my eye, on my eyebrow before landing on the floor with a clatter.

Leaving the broken glass, my hands reached where it pained out of reflex. There was a sharp pain there on my right brow, prickling while my head ringed by the impact. My fingers itched, scarred by the broken glass, and tears pricked my eyes. It was as though god was pushing me to give up, to move away from him and find myself another love, as though god was indicating it to me that being in love with Kim Sung Gyu was immoral, against what they have already put in store for me, and right at that moment, all I wanted was to give up. I’ve been trying to not to crumble and fall at his rejection, after all the time I tried, after all we went through together as whatever we were for each other, I’ve been trying to hold on since last night, up with his cold treatment, it hadn’t been that long even, but I found myself slowly giving up on even trying. I’ve probably loved enough. Maybe I too am-

The sound of the front door flying open without a knock was what which distracted me, followed by the hasty sound of rubber soles hitting the granite before it came to an abrupt halt. My heart stopped, everything stopped around in time when I recognized whom those feet which I saw by the edge of my eyes.

“What the hell happened here?” Came Sung Gyu’s voice in a whisper. There was a second pair of feet coming in, and I recognized them as if the secretary’s; a sudden anger raised within me, but I realized that I was too weakened to react. The door cluck close, the room sank in silence except for the endless bickering of the two kids, and I could hear Sung Gyu drawing in a sharp breath, I could sense anger in his vibe, emitting into the suddenly stiff ambiance around. I closed my eyes. Sung Gyu would fire me and cut off all the connections we had so far. This very thought killed me inside, I tried hard to not to look so vulnerable and sensitive, but when a single tear rolled down; I couldn’t be too sure myself.

“Miss Choi, I will get back to you…” came his voice with a certain urgency underlying in it. I could sense the disappointment even in the way her heels clunk against the tile and out of the door. Once she was gone, I realized, it was only him and I. and I was horrified.

Failing to my expectations; Sung Gyu’s voice when he spoke was milder, clearer and just the way I would have expected it to be if yesterday did never happen. He approached me in hasty steps, asking if I were alright. I stayed intact, unable to react let alone utter a single word. I was instantly a crying wreck, a fool who got an ugly defeat by six year old kids. I felt so pathetic and even ashamed of myself.

“Eunji…” He called me, impatience evident in his tone. “What on earth happened here? What are you doing-,”

His voice trailed off, and I could see the tip of his well-polished shoe slowly hitting the blue salt on the floor. I opened my eyes then, only to find a metal photo frame turned upside down before my knees. I stay silent still, unable to find my voice. That was when he, obviously having the answers figured, sitting on his table, turned his fume on the twins. “The two of you-!”

Panicked, I looked up only to find his face red with fury, glowering, almost murderous at the tins who seemed equally shocked as I were.

I had never seen Sung Gyu so angered ever in my life.

He caught one kid by his waist and harshly set him down before reaching to the others. Fear crept over the pain that I had within me, that fear of the possibility of him hurting them in any possible way not matter how ludicrous it may sound, it was what which seemed to be for me. Sung Gyu was infuriated, his face glowing in rage; conversely though, I was confused, why would he? If he was afraid to love? Why was he angered towards his nephews when he should be angered towards me for being so pathetic?

I realized, his ways were different. He had completely diverse and incorporeal ways of showing it when he very so deeply was in love. And I was almost certain that I wasn’t making delusional hypothesizes anymore.

“Didn’t I tell you to behave? Didn’t I tell you to not to cause any trouble? Why can’t you listen to your elders, once for goodness sake!?!”

A sudden pang of guilt hit me, seeing the fear wrenched tiny faces of the kids. Of course, it wasn’t their fault. They were still young, almost babies; and kids are meant to be mischievous, that was what which made them kids. It was I who was wrong, who should be blamed, who’s so useless and incompetent that she couldn’t even take care of two kids for once, it was I who was useless in hundred aspects, it was I who couldn’t say no when both he and I so very well knew that I couldn’t do this, it was I who chose to do something impossible in order to persevere my love, it was I who couldn’t do anything to protect it on the first place.

Without giving it a second thought, I reached out and caught Sung Gyu’s hand, finally gathering the courage to respond without daring to look up. “Let them be, it’s not their fault”

There was silence, Sung Gyu inhaled sharply as though gathering strength to start again; and he did; “God damn it Eunji-,”

I needed to show him that I didn’t need his ministrations even after he rejected me with something as ridiculous as giving up on love. In fact, I needed him to realize that he, Kim Sung Gyu still did, and was able to, to love all he could. I stood up with the help of the edge of the table, reached the two kids, took their tiny hands with either of mine and led them to the other room where they previously were, leaving a bewildered Sung Gyu behind.

“Eunji-,”

“Come on…” I said to the kids in a cheerful tone. “Let’s get your fruit squash, hmm? You must be hungry…”

No sooner, not failing my expectations did he follow after me into the room; I tried my best to ignore and reached the kids’ bags where their food compartments were. Luckily their jumpers matched the color of their bags, thus I easily located two mildly cold bottles of fruit squash lidded with the very same colors; I handed them over to the kids, with a smile and led them to the sofa, helping them settle down. All through this though, I feigned ignored at his presence, pretended he didn’t exist while in reality, it was all his presence that I could feel, like a phantom, an epidemic of some sort taking up the entire realm of mine.

I couldn’t stand it anymore, how he could make his presence known without even trying, his eyes following me endlessly doing no good. In the end I give up, I needed to escape.

With a reluctant sigh, I stand up, squat down before the kids to give them a smile and ruffle their heads before making my way towards the door; Sung Gyu was just there, leaning against the door frame, surveying me with sharp eyes.

“Your face” He said just as I passed by him, in a deep yet irritated voice. I ignore him, simply walking to the mess I’ve made and started gathering the shards of glass without a word. I turn the photo frame over, which was a photo of his family; Myung Soo included, and stare at it for a moment. Confused.

By then I was almost certain that he was simply denying everything, I knew I had a chance if I could work it out, somehow. But why did it still hurt so much?

He approached me in small, silent steps and stood beside me, as if watching my conduct and suddenly raised his voice. “Eunji, you’re hurt!”

“Why do you care?” Came my voice before even I could stop myself. I knew I shouldn’t be overreacting this way, but I couldn’t help it, it hurt me so much. “Why do you care Sung Gyu?”

He was rendered speechless, admittedly and stared at me in utter befuddlement. There was a tinge of horror in his eyes, and more pain; he opened his mouth as though he had a way to retort but stayed silent in the end, watching me.

“You said you had given up on love, you said you couldn’t love anymore. Then is it rational for you to act this way? Is it right that you care?”

He was still not saying a word, thus, even more infuriated; I climbed up on my feet.

“You’re lying, Sung Gyu-Ssi, You’re lying to yourself and denying it….whatever happened, being so ludicrous only makes you a coward. I respected you…but only when I thought you were stronger. I thought you were the strongest I knew…But I had been wrong all alone”

Tears began to poor down, blood dripping down the open wound above my brow where my eye was swollen the slightest; I must have looked like a pathetic wreck; I didn’t care anyway though, for I was certain that I was a pathetic wreck myself. Without another word, I proceeded to walk away, walk over from him and maybe disappear completely; but all before I could make it past him; Sung Gyu caught my hand, and I froze into my spot.

“You’re hurt…it’s ugly to for a girl to have a scar…”

For a moment, I thought it had an underlying meaning to it, something he willed for me to grasp, but what I got was nothing in the end, and he dropped my hand. “Put on a plaster.”

I waited for him to go away, find one, put it on and get done with it, but he didn’t move an inch. A moment later, I could feel him turn; his eyes were on me.

“Eunji, I’m sorry behalf of my nephews-,”

“Its fine” I said, walking it off.

“I didn’t think they would go to that extent-,”

“I said its fine, they’re just kids!” I couldn’t help it but snap, which probably caught him off guard that he was silent once more. The air conditioner crackled loudly, a distant hasty footsteps of men could be heard from a far and he moved closer to me. Almost touching. I gulped hard and tried to keep myself together; trying my best to not to go into other assumptions-

His slender long finger moved towards me, and ran across my forehead, pushing away my growing bangs.

“Eunji its-,”

I held my breath, anticipating what was coming and admiring how the golden afternoon sun washed over the pale pristine skin of his, giving him a shine I had never witnessed when suddenly his words were interrupted by the sudden yet aggressive opening of the front door.

Both Sung Gyu and I jumped back out of reflex, and I witnessed it, evident tension building upon him; eyes widened with surprise and fear. The kind of fear I had never witnessed on him before. The kinds of fear…that a son would have towards his father.

Though the man who stood at the door wasn’t his father, but a man I had never laid my eyes on. A man I immediately decided that I didn’t like.

“Sung Gyu? What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Fear washed over him, and his lips began to treble the slightest.

“Is this how you work? Messed up office? All over with girls? Get on the track, you’re disappointing me….”

A tinge of fear appeared in his eyes, and I waited for some kind of reaction from his part.

And it came, in the end, as a silenced whisper cutting through the silence of the room.

“Mianneh…Uncle….”

Slowly, and surely, certain things began to make sense to me than ever before.

Something was connecting things, linking them, yet there was a loophole; where, how or what, I never knew, yet I was bound to find out.

FINALLY AN UPDATE!

Phew, it took me forever.

I hope you like it, this wasn't how I wished to close the chapter but hmm, it went that way...

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it.

Ps: Thank you for waiting, I love you!!!