After he had gone home and after the faintest sounds coming from the house had died, I turned upwards on my bed and stared up at the roof, evoking today’s events in one run, my heart reacting to every one of them matching to how I felt about each of them. It all felt surreal to me, as though I was living in a strange bubble of imagination the whole time, everything happening in my head all the while. It was eccentric and implausible, I might as well have been dreaming or watching a drama on the telly after the great rejection from the night before.

But tonight he only reassured that my assumptions were correct as well as supplying to me the routes I need to follow in order to detangle the riddle, the muddle of questions he had giving me. One by one, in my mind I put together the clues I had.

So there was a girl, and he wasn’t supposed to love her but did anyway and that’s how he had landed himself in all the troubles; it somehow connected to his noona’s in-laws and also his uncle; his parents had no choice but get involved being the parents and so far I had all that in lead. Therefore, allegedly, the tale, this ‘love story’ of Sung Gyu which was ruining him was about him, his uncle, noona’s in-laws, and a girl who knew Chinese calligraphy and also who was always sad and believed that tea wasn’t coffee. The bit on Chinese calligraphy caught me in a glitch as though it was leading me to something; something strong which was sturdily connected to this entire ordeal.

Could it be that she made them for him because he was a Chinese descendant? Or could it be that…

…could it be that she was Chinese?

The first suddenly seemed to me too far of a catch because he mentioned that he was a fourth generation Chinese descendent which also somehow explained that he was more Korean than he was Chinese, so any girl (Including myself) would only deem him as a Korean, not Chinese and for courtesy matters we wouldn’t emphasize on his generational details, no girl in sane mind would; therefore it left me with the latter.

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense to me. This girl, she was definitely Chinese. He did mention that he visited China quite a number of times, and there he was in a photo with his aunt who was days away from having her bones collapsed; the entire theory seemed so…practical, as though I had extracted it out from his real life-

What I couldn’t figure out was where his uncle and in-laws came in. There was no mean of connecting them unless there was some weird contract or compromise but that too seemed so unlikely because Sung Gyu had stepped into his career only a while ago and he was in the states for two years.

Whatever happened had definitely happened two years ago, before I met him, and even Myung Soo; if anything huge happened while I was in connection with Myung Soo, he would have definitely mentioned it; but all he was telling me back then was about his new family, his old mother and the sister he couldn’t see for six years and-

Like a thunderbolt hitting a swaying old tree, bringing me to a dead end, an old memory, something abstract from one of our old, old conversations hit me.

‘Mental breakdown….locked up in room…had on and off affairs….after it ended….suicide’   

As though on autopilot, I swiftly bolted up and got down off my bed. My hands were already reaching for my phone on the nightstand, fingers groping in the dark until it hit me that it was still in my bag, over at Sung Yeol’s; upon this realization I stood up and made it to the door.

The house was silent and dark when I ventured open the door, a slight coldness engulfing me. Puppy was at the foot of the stairs, napping after returning from god knows where he vanished to; and there was Howon’s shoes near the front door. He hadn’t left, apparently. He was probably accompanying me, as his mother would always advise him to, for the night. There was no sign of him in the vicinity therefore he had probably gone to sleep.

Being careful to not to make any sound, I make it down the staircase and soundlessly hopped over ‘Puppy’ who laid looking bored and walked into the kitchen. Howon had brought dinner, which rested on the kitchen table and I immediately felt so bad for him; he had been going through that for all these days, and I couldn’t even find a moment to acknowledge him; I decided to take a break the next day from everything and find some time for him.

But now, I needed to have things clarified.

The clock said one thirty at night when I picked up the land phone, it making a faint sound of plastic clasping against one another. I almost dialed Sung Gyu’s number out of impulse, which I had pinned up on the refrigerator in case I had any emergencies, and in the end I rang Myung Soo; hoping that he wasn’t asleep.

And luckily, he wasn’t. Myung Soo picked up at the eighth ring, sounding groggy and tired, his tone was literally telling me to screw off when he spoke.

“What the hell, Eunji? Do you realize what time it is?”

Of course, Myung Soo being the princess Myung Soo despised it if anyone interrupted his beauty sleep.

“Myung Soo, just a few questions, I won’t take long”

“Tomorrow, I want to sleep”

“Myung Soo! Just a moment!” I cried desperately. If I didn’t get it straightened out I was certain I wouldn’t sleep that night.

He sighed and I could hear the crisp sound of his bed sheets, he was probably sitting up. “Okay. Hurry up now”

I took a deep breath and stared down at the kitchen cabinet. “Myung Soo…is Sung Gyu…ssi’s girl-I mean, that girl…is she possibly a Chinese?”

There was silence on the other end, the faint sound of his breathing could be heard until he replied. “Really now, Eunji? This again?”

“Please Myung Soo! I won’t let you off until I get this clarified” I said, vigorously scraping on the tile of the cabinet with my finger.

“Will you let me sleep after this?” He asked, his tone irate and tired.

“Yes” I said after a sigh. It was almost evident that I wouldn’t go further than this with him for here was Kim Myung Soo talking to me who considered sleeping-at-night more important than a serious-feeling-involved matter.

“Okay. Yes”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, she was a Chinese!” He replied impatiently; leaving me another question. What did he mean by was? Why was it in past tense?

I was all about to ask this for further clarification when he started whining again like a girl on her days of the month. “Look, I’ll talk to you later okay? I want to sleep”

I sighed, it was obvious he want drag this any further than this point. “Okay…okay. Sleep tight than, good-,”

Before even I could finish it, he had cut off the line, the usual annoying beep coming from the other end. “-night…” I finished in a low voice, hesitantly putting the receiver back into its cradle and leaned hopelessly on the kitchen counter. Sleep hand long vanished from my body and mind, my head was still throbbing with all sorts of emotions, and I realized that what I needed wasn’t sleep, I needed answers, I needed to rescue Sung Gyu from the misery he was drowning himself in, I needed once be of help to someone and win what I wanted without backing away, being slow and weak and being an utter failure in the end.

I wanted to be brave.

And I realized, with a bewildering pang of emotions, Sung Gyu was changing me.

Without letting my emotions take me down, I reached the fridge and retrieved a bottle of cold water. Howon had stacked it with boxes of Kimchi and felt even worse for being such a useless daughter and a useless best friend, and momentarily decided to leave it for the next day and allow my thoughts to only revolve around Sung Gyu. It was fun, it was exciting, untangling this problem of him, I had never played detective before, it never occurred to me and I never had the chance to; but the thought of doing it for the sake of my love, our love, excited me. I might as well make a sketch of the details I have, a plan or a summary jotted down on a paper; a graph maybe, putting ticks and arrows on different names on a piece of paper like a really smart person doing a detective job-

“Eunji?”

Surprised totally out of my skin, I swiveled around, clutching harder at the bottle I held, only to find Howon standing behind me in the kitchen’s door way; his face screwed.

And I didn’t deem it that it was good news.

“Err…hi? I said, trying to be as nonchalant as possible and held up the bottle I held in demonstration. “I was just grabbing some…water”

“I thought you were asleep” He said as though he was talking about something bitter. His face was straight and impassive but I was certain that there were hundred things running in his mind; Howon was a worrier, he was a conformist and I was sure he wouldn’t let me off the hook until I would explain why I was sleeping in Sung Gyu’s car with a wounded forehead. I would have avoided him in other ways and means, I could have distracted him and fled but the truth was, I needed to explain things myself because I was wrong all along. Howon was my best friend, and he had every right to confront me of my misbehavior.

“I am-! I mean, I was…and am going to…” I stuttered and trailed off when I realized he wasn’t buying it.

“What was all that about, Jung Eunji” He asked, turning on the kitchen light. “You’re not being yourself”

“I am!” I said in denial and tried to hide my face. There was silence afterwards, as though he was waiting for me to speak while I did likewise, after a moment though, I shrugged and finally met his anticipant eyes. “I mean…I’m not…maybe…its just-,”

“Smitten?” He suggested, raising his brows and I fell silent. He was right, I was smitten so badly that I couldn’t even figure out where I was going.

He let out an exasperated sigh. “Jung Eunji, do you realize that your father is still in the hospital and you haven’t visited him for two days? Do you realize that I had been going back and forth from work to college to the hospital even though I’m not abided to? Do you realize that you have freaking messed up your priorities?”

I stayed in a standstill, surprised by his outburst. It’s not every day that Howon would act this way, and when he did, it would be for something he’s absolutely concerned about.

He continued.

“He might not say it but your father is waiting for you to visit him; I could see it in his eyes and whenever I ask, he would say that you were probably busy that I should bother you, but you see? I’m busy myself, and I do these things out of courtesy; you Jung Eunji should have a sense of responsibility, there is the man who brought you up all by himself for years, can’t you at least pay him your gratitude and be by his side when he need it? Get your freaking priorities straight; Kim Sung Gyu should not come in between!”

“He’s not!” I exclaimed before I could stop myself. “He does not, okay? He doesn’t even know anything…he never did anything wrong…it’s…” I trailed off, feeling a lump of sorrow in my throat. Realization was slowly dawning on me, and that was that I was chasing after another heart so desperately that I didn’t even know what the right way forward was.

“It’s…me” I said in the end, and lowered my head. “I’m-I’m sorry…Howon, I’m just…so, so sorry…”

“Well, you should be” He said in a much gentler voice, and I could feel his anger subsiding like cold water on droughty ground. “Not for me, Eunji, for your father…You have changed a lot…”

“I didn’t mean to…”

He stepped closer to me then, and suddenly I could feel warmth behind my eyes. Honestly, I was readying myself for a conversation along the line as this but I was never planning to start the water works. I kept my head lowered all until I could feel the heat of his body just before me. He wrapped his arms around me then, holding me in his embrace; and out of reflex, I too placed my hands on his back and exhaled hard.

“Eunji, I missed you…” He said, in almost a whisper.

“I didn’t go anywhere…” I said in return.

“But you weren’t you….I want the old Eunji back…”

I sniffed though I wasn’t intending to. “I don’t know where she went…”

Howon pulled away from me and stepped back. In his eyes was a deep frown, and he seemed quite serious. “I think Kim Sung Gyu kidnapped her”

I parted my lips to argue but I couldn’t, because what he was saying was indeed the truth. It was as though Sung Gyu had changed me entirely. I had never been so weak and vulnerable before Howon’s eyes, and that was because I had no reason to; and that was because I wasn’t this so emotionally attached to anything; emotions certainly do change me, and this once, I really hope they didn’t.

But I knew I had no way to help myself either.

“Eunji…look” Howon said, finally and led me to a nearby chair. “It’s okay to have a new Eunji around, its sometimes refreshing, sans the hitting and screaming and all...”

I glared at him and hit him on his hand. This earned a throaty laughter from him, his eyes forming slanted arcs, and he finally continued. “But the new Eunji isn’t fun to be with…the old one wasn’t so moody you know, she wasn’t the kind to go cry baby and collapse in one’s car…I know you’re quite pre-occupied, but I really want  you to get yourself together…” He looked at me quite deeply then, and leaned against the table. “You see, both the Eunji’s fell in love, but the old Eunji wrote a love letter and followed after her crush to find his girlfriend…”

Now that he was telling me that, I realized, that time I chased after Kim Myung Soo so desperately seemed all far away, it’s nothing but a distant memory, entrenched there in a corner of my mind; like I had been in a parallel universe, only to land on earth with the hit of realization. Falling for Sung Gyu was like being hit by an asteroid while floating in thin air; and now I feel how it really was like, not only to have a little crush, no matter how long it lasted, but be fully in love.

And what Howon was getting at was something that quite caught me. Back then, with Myung Soo, I was stronger. Sung Gyu had was giving me strength and determination too, but I was overthinking, getting overly emotional myself. Myung Soo, unlike Sung Gyu hadn’t had a painful love life. Sung Gyu seemingly had had one hence was weak in that certain aspect, eventually dragging me alone. And here what I was supposed to do was not falling into the same pit but pull him out of it instead.

I should come back to being the old Eunji. Now that Sung Gyu had confessed to me, I should strive to get him out of it.

“Sung Gyu hyung…is a good person” Howon was saying, his eyes focused on me. “He’s talented, kind, charming and witty…he’s got this really soothing demeanor, even I was dragged towards it; and he puts everyone before himself, Eunji. Especially you”

I stared at him for a moment. Even me? How could he even think of something of the sort?

Responding to my unasked question, he gave me a smile. “I talked to Nam Woohyun the other day…he told me a lot about Sung Gyu hyung…”

“What…did he say?” I asked, quite warily.

“He said Sung Gyu hyung has developed a habit of rejecting people when confessed….and act like it never happened.”

I stared at him, unbelievingly. I was a little upset too, that Woohyun never told me this; but I suppose he found this information quite sensitive; maybe he thought I would think I was rejected.

Oh, I just think I was rejected. It’s heartbreaking. Woohyun is right.

“He says he would just say that he wasn’t interested with a straight face and walk away….Eunji, did you…confess?”

I couldn’t really answer, feeling flustered so I just nodded.

“Did he do the same to you?”

I stayed silent for a while, recalling that moment and realized that it was him who brought it up the first place, followed by my confession later on. It happened just like I wanted to; which explained, he knew all along.

He dug out the gold for me himself.

“It wasn’t me who mentioned it first” I said, clasping my hands together. “It was him…who found out that I…” I trailed off.

“What did he say?”

I looked at my clasped hands, I watched how red they turned in the tight grasp in a matter of a minute, and finally heaved a long breath. “Howon…he said…he can’t love anyone anymore…he said he had given up on it…”

There’s silence in the kitchen, and for a minute we just sat there together, our minds just running over the thoughts of the whole conversation. I felt a light of hope in my heart; not only because he had literally confessed to me while I was pretending to be asleep, but also because he never told me that he wasn’t interested and walked away like nothing happened.

He wasn’t throwing it under the rug. Not only did he like me back, but also acknowledged it that I did; and never really pretended like it never happened.

He wanted to be romantically involved with me, he wanted the acquaintance between us to change, but he’s afraid to do so, for whatever the reason which was stopping him.

Her. The Chinese girl, his previous love.

“I think he likes-.” Howon started and I knew what he was trying to say, thus I stopped him there.

“He does. He told me…”

Howon’s eyes widened as big as dishes. “What?”

“While I was asleep…or while I was…” I had no choice but tell him the truth. “…Pretending to be asleep”

He stared at me for a moment, eyebrows raised, looking absolutely amused before he burst out laughing. “What the hell? Why would you pretend to be asleep?”

“I couldn’t help it okay?” I whined, irate. “I didn’t mean to do it, it’s a long story anyway…”

“I don’t wish to know it” Howon said, to my utter relief. “But, goodness, he did? How?”

I shrugged. “Apparently the Kim brothers have this weird habit of telling me things while I sleep”

Howon gave me a look. “Which also explains you sleep quite a lot”

“I do not! Anyway, he did tell me that…” I felt that rush of warmth, the excitement, that strange, overwhelming happiness surging back into me; it was like being stuck in some sort of a whirlpool, a whirlpool of happiness. I felt my cheeks burn but my heart’s swelling was more prominent inside me. The look in Howon’s eyes was intimidating. I suddenly felt self-conscious, like I have put out my heart before him in its .

I cleared my throat. “He did tell me that liking me was an understatement”

“So what makes it an understatement?”

I looked at him then, squeezing my hands tightly with one another just as the same, wonderful warmth went through every single one of my veins. I didn’t feel delusional anymore, I didn’t feel like I was trying to make something abstract a reality. Instead I felt the truth of living in the sheer reality. I felt…happy.

“He said…he loved me…”

The silence was back on again, and Howon stared at me a while longer. Without warning, the memories from the time when Howon confessed to me back in high-school came tumbling back into my mind. I wasn’t the most emotional one back then, and I think I rejected him quite harshly. He could never go beyond the point of telling me he liked me, and that what he managed to tell me, even, set me off quite... I must have been heartless and stupid back then. What I really didn’t know was how he must have felt. Whether he hated me or felt dejected.

Or whether those feelings never really passed.

A painful moment later, he gave me one of those heart stopping smiles. “I know what you’re thinking…”

“Huh?” I looked up, rather surprised.

“About what happened…in high-school right? Mark my words, Eunji, I’m way over it…”

“Are…are you sure?” I managed in the end.

His smile didn’t waver once. “I am sure…and now that Sung Gyu hyung have said that, Eunji…I’m happy for you, I’m really happy…and I want to help you”

“You do?”

He nodded. “Yup, But there’s one little glitch in the story, Eunji”

“What?” I asked, curiously for I wasn’t sure if it did.

“The secret admirer…”

The secret admirer. Of course! I can’t believe I have forgotten him!

“Oh shoot…”  I placed a palm on my head, and Howon laughed.

“I guess we need to figure that out; but leaving it aside for a minute…”

Which I think sounded like a plan…leaving it aside, I mean.

“We’ll get him to admit you the truth, Sung Gyu hyung…”

“How?”

He looked at me then, eyes determined and he gave me kind of a wicked smile.

“Step one, ignore…”

Early in the morning the next day, howon and I ran the normal errands of the house together, starting from sweeping and cleaning to putting away the week’s garbage. It had been a while since we last had some time on our own, time for best friends so that was definitely a good way to start a day. It was quite refreshing, more like a getaway to keep my mind off things which were to come later that day; despite ourselves, he and I really had a quality time; and by ten thirty in the morning, we began our little mission of getting Sung Gyu to admit the truth.

First off, I didn’t attend my lectures. It certainly wasn’t a good move though, given that my mock exams for the semester before summer break was only two-three days away; however bearing in mind that I could steal Myung Soo was support if needed, I did as told. Twenty minutes later, my phone was shrilling endlessly on the nightstand with Myung Soo on the other end. I ignored it, like Howon told me. Instead I just left it in my room to charge, both Howon and I packed a few fresh clothes for my father along with side dishes in small containers and headed off to the hospital.`

My father was a lot better by then, and was beyond happy the moment he saw me. He was lazily walking about in his VIP room when I went there, his ears plugged; an mp3 player in hand; but the moment he saw me, he dropped everything and came to me as though I was his long lost love child.

My father looked like he had been out in a leisure trip more than a mere hospital stay. I couldn’t help it but awe at how healthy and happy he looked; all starry eyed and dandy; though I was planning to start crying on his shoulder, I couldn’t make myself to, because he was happy; and his happiness was also mine.

It didn’t take much for him to notice that I wasn’t in my happiest days, though. Once he had given me one big hug, he held me at his arm’s length and carefully surveyed my face; his eyes were attentive, and it was evident how realization dawned on his face.

“Eunji, Howon here said you were having, you know, some troubles?”

That very moment I realized that it’s my father’s comfort I needed the most. “Yes” I said, nodding eagerly. “Yes…daddy, I-,”

My father looked over my shoulder and addressed to Howon who was placing the containers on the cabinet. “Howon, Son….can you get us all some coffee?”

I turned around to look at him and he gave us both an understanding nod, giving us some personal daddy-daughter space before quickly flying out of the room. Once he was gone, my father sat me on the sofa and he perched down beside me before turning to me. I looked into his eyes; warm and intelligent, there was a soft smile playing on his lips. I didn’t need much inklings to know what was going on. He knew.

“So tell me, all from the beginning. Correct me if I’m wrong; its Kim Sung Gyu right?”

I bit my lower lip and managed a nod. He smiled at me then, ruffling my hair; his smile was cheerful, like he’s blatantly satisfied.

“I approve of it then,” He said and sat back. “I myself can’t make a better choice than him, a wonderful child he is…but tell me, Eunji, what trouble is there?”

I looked down and pinched the tips of my fingers nervously. I felt relieved, to be honest, because my father is someone who had answers for whatever the trouble I get into. I was certain he had answers for this too; I wasn’t hesitant when I replied.

“Appa, Sung Gyu oppa, he….says he can’t love anyone anymore…I think He had had a painful love life in the past;” I looked at my father for agreement. “Don’t you think so too, appa?”

He stared at me for a moment and nodded. “Might be, but I can’t make a judgment on this, given that I don’t entirely know what happened there, can I?”

“Certainly” I said, and bit my lip. “Appa…do you mind if I tell you everything? Everything that happened to me and us, I mean…do you?”

He laughed, ruffling my hair. “You know I don’t, Eunji….just fire away!”

I took at least thirty minutes to recite everything that happened between us, starting from my crust on Myung Soo to the CEO’s congratulatory party, his birthday surprise, what Myung Soo told me about his feelings, how Sung Gyu found out and how I bravely confessed to him; all the way towards last night where he told me his feelings towards me.  I didn’t feel shy a littlest bit even when we reached the most sensitive moments and my father didn’t even seem to take notice of them. He only listened to me, curiously and attentively, giving me his opinion at some points, the red tie, for an example,  and laughing and making faces all the while. Once I’m done, however, there was utter silence; my voice echoing in the silent room. It was like we were contemplating on all that I had said, as though we were putting together the pieces to form one big picture, the story. After a while, my father sat back and rubbed his face with both hands before heaving a deep sigh.

“Eunji…” He said in the end, and it must have been me but his voice was a little crackly. “I….I can’t believe that you grew up so fast….one moment we were sitting and talking about high school bullies, the next…” He took another deep breath, and I felt my skin prickle with nostalgia. “…here we are, talking about your love life….and all that which has happened…” He looked at me then, a rueful smile on his lips. “You’re finally growing up, aren’t you? All this time, I’ve been wishing for it to not to be sooner…but time had gone by, so fast….I won’t deny that I’ve been waiting for this day…but now that it’s here…I feel…”

I waited for him to continue, but my eyes did feel quite hot.

“I think I’m just finally accepting it. You’re a fine young woman now…and I’m glad that I was able to bring you up as one…”

“Oh appa!” I said, this time, really crying, and threw my hands around his shoulders. Now that I think of it, what he said is indeed the truth. He had brought me up so well. I had met a few girls in my life, those brought up in a motherless background; and many of them, as I knew, were all wasted; married at early ages and staying out at night, sleeping around; and here I was, cuddling my father, feeling truly proud of myself. I was a good person, I had no black marks in my life; I still haven’t had my first boyfriend or my first time; what is there for Sung Gyu to say no?

Not that he had actually said no; but you see, I am certain that he had no reason even if he wanted to.

“I’m a good girl aren’t I?” I asked just as I pulled away. “Surely Sung Gyu oppa can’t say no, right?”

My father laughed, lovingly patting my back. “Of course! And surely, he hadn’t, had he? I’m sure ‘I like you is an understatement’ means something…”

And I was sure myself that I turned red as a berry. My father must have noticed that, that he reached out and placed both his hands on my shoulders, turning me towards him. His eyes were on mine, as though he’s searching in them and when he spoke, he sounded sincere and resolute. He was confident of his response.

“Listen Eunji….” He began in a deep, calm voice. “Loving someone, it isn’t a burden or a responsibility…it’s a gift, a gift that you give to another to cherish for a long, long time….”

I nodded, urging him to continue.

“And also, having mutual feelings isn’t about winning the other person’s love, Eunji, it’s about making him see and understand the worth of your love; how much he need to value it that you, in return will value his love as equally as much as he does…if he failed to value that love, if you fail to value his, there is no mutuality, and you might as well move apart…do you understand? But before all of that, learn to value your own love so you’d know just how precious it is…”

He gave me a delighted smile then, tilting his head playfully. “And as it seems to me now, there is some kind of mutual understanding, isn’t there Eunji?”

I nodded. Honestly, when my father put it that way, I realized that it actually did make sense.

“He said it himself, though he didn’t know you were aware, it’s just he’s afraid to get into a real relationship again. What matters here is that he’s not undermining your love for him, Eunji, he’s not confident of his to you, maybe afraid that if he won’t be able to love you enough…do you get it? Whatever happened to him in the past had made him think this way…what you need to do is show him the worth of it…he will eventually understand…”

“So,” I began, clasping my hands together. “What do you suppose I should do appa?”

He gave me a smile then, and gently flattened down my hair. “Eunji, I suppose you already know…”

That afternoon when lunch time came by, Howon accompanied me to the food court of the hospital. It wasn’t that crowded, despite the visitors of the patients and a few patients themselves sitting down and enjoying a cup of coffee; Howon and I located for ourselves a secluded table for two, bought ourselves two cups of instant Dukbokki and bottles of water before settling down for lunch.

“So,” I began, referring to this little mission of ours. “Consider step one done, what’s next?”

Howon swallowed a decent piece of rice cake and looked up as though he was thinking. “I don’t know…” He said eventually, and returned to his steaming paper cup.

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I don’t know because this whole thing is actually…a spontaneous idea…”

Trust Howon to give one big idea once in a while and call it ‘spontaneous’.

“What the hell? I thought you had a plan?” I whined, irritated. I honestly thought he was really smart, where I had gone wrong was really trusting that petty brain of his.

“What do you think I am? A love guru?”

“But-!” I was all about to give an intellectual get-back just as Howon’s phone began to shrill loudly. He picked it up after frowning deeply at the caller ID and gave me a look. I concluded that it had got to be something to do with me.

“Oh…Sung Yeol”

And I had been right.

“Eunji?” Howon said, sounding as though he had no idea. “I think she went to visit her father…she’s not with me…I’m going there in a while, is there anything you want to tell her?”

Howon’s frown was so natural, he looked like I really wasn’t sitting there next to him. I had to try hard to stifle a giggle that time, at just how serious Howon looked, and bit down my tongue in case I said something irrelevant.

“Yeah…yes. Sure…I understand…I will tell her then. At five? Okay, sure. I’ll let her know….”

After the call had ended, Howon cut off the line, pushed his phone inside and turned to me.  “Sung Yeol. He says you’ve gotten another note…from the secret admirer…”

I almost chocked on my food. “What? Really?”

“Yup” Howon nodded. “And he said Myung Soo is a bit pissed that you’re cutting lectures. He said he will be coming around to visit you at around five, with the note…”

“Understood” I said, making a mental note to clean my bedroom before time. “Anything else? Anything about…Sung Gyu?”

“I guess not” Howon said, returning to concentrate on his lunch. “It’s obvious isn’t it? He’s deliberately ignoring you…”

I felt a notch of doubt in my heart. Could it be that he’s deliberately ignoring me? Or was he simply trying to throw me under the rug? I didn’t know the accuracy of it though, how he really felt and what he was planning to do. All I knew so far was that he refused to admit the truth to my face and that whatever his past memories were hindering him from doing so. The more the details added up to it, the more complicated the picture would be.

And then there was the secret admirer, appearing after his long break like it never really happened. This eccentric behavior of this person certainly confused me. Was it that this person was keeping a close watch on me? Following all that happened in my life?

Was he really stalking me? If so, I would have met this person, hundred many times. Obviously, it’s someone who hang around me almost all the time, he’s someone I knew…

Sung Yeol knew who it was, he’s simply hiding it from me evidently; therefore, could it be…him? Sung Yeol?

Or was it…Howon?

Sung Gyu and Myung Soo, however were the most unlikely options of them all. Myung Soo already understood the perks of chasing after me, and Sung Gyu, well since he refused to admit it to me he liked me, I don’t think he would actually go to that extent of stalking me.

It could not be Sung Jong either, I met him after eight years, only after we moved in to SK C and C, and I felt that I should put both Howon and Sung Yeol off the list, too. Simply because Sung Yeol had his eyes on Chorong unnie and because Howon couldn’t pick up the letter I lost the first place…

The letter…

“I think the admirer is Sung Gyu hyung” Howon said after a while, pulling me out of the reverie. “You said he was the one who found you when you searched for it in the bin right?”

“He was…” I replied, a little distracted. “But Howon…I don’t think it’s him. The secret admirer didn’t want me to leave ‘Yeollie’s’, but Sung Gyu did want me to, saying that he didn’t feel right to let me work at the café…” I looked at Howon thoughtfully. “I’m not sure if he knows about the secret admirer…”

“You never told him?” Howon asked, raising his brows.

“I don’t remember.” I simply replied.

Howon stared at me, amused, unbelievingly and all I could do was stare back, wondering the same. Could it be that I was getting this wrong? Could it be that I’m twisting the tale so I won’t end up in the outcome that I refuse to believe?

Or could it be that Sung Gyu himself had twisted it?

But the more I thought about it, the less it made sense. Sung Gyu couldn’t possibly be the one writing to me; he didn’t want to admit himself that he liked me, let alone convey his feelings in an anonymous way. He was too drenched, drowned in the truth of his past, refusing to break out of it; or believes he could not. He didn’t know of the admirer the first place; hence I shook off the idea from my head.

“Nah…” I said in the end, noncommittally. “He will never do that, Howon, he hardly ever have time to write letters to a girl…”

“But you said it was under his chair that you left the letter” Howon pointed out, raising his brows.

To be honest, I don’t exactly remember who was on that chair or where I even put it. The memory of that letter I wrote to my very first love was a hazy, blurry dream buried somewhere in my mind; I didn’t particularly appreciate it that I’m forgetting such recent incidents, especially then it made me feel utterly frustrated. In the end, I shrugged, giving up on trying to remember it.

What I initially had in mind surged back to me just when Howon too, seemed to give up on trying to retrieve my memory. Honestly, digging through my remembrances was more or less like a useless attempt of retrieving information from a dead computer.

“Howon, I think it’s Woohyun”

Howon mulled over it for a while, quite thoughtfully and nodded in the end. “It could be…but…” He trailed off then, and gave me a knowing look. “Despite a few incidents, Eunji, he didn’t seem interested specifically in you…”

“I suppose secret admirers don’t actually make it evident; that’s the whole point yeah?” I retorted pointedly.

“Well, I guess?” Said Howon in the end.

After bidding my father good-bye for the day, Howon and I took a taxi and shopped for the necessary grocery for our place. It had been a while since father and I filled the fridge and pantries, and though we didn’t stay home much, half of the food had gone stale and inedible; with the plan to clean the place up later on (Which, presumably will help me focus, despite being pre-occupied) Howon and I had a jolly good time.

By the time we headed home, however, it was way past five and we lugging down the road in a painstakingly slow pace really took time more than necessary. It was when we both noticed the familiar vehicle parked at the foot of the slope that it finally occurred to the both of us; Myung Soo was there to meet me.

He was leaning on the car looking rather bored while meddling with his phone, and I was quite expecting him to leap on me for being considerably late. I would have readied myself for it, honestly, but when he looked up, smiling, I realized that it really wasn’t necessary.

He gave me a little wave, bowed at howon in greeting and quickly came towards us, taking one of the grocery bags from my hand.

“Were you waiting long?” I asked, hauling the bags up the slope towards my house. Myung Soo shook his head. 

“Nope. I got a little late actually”

“Ah…” I nodded and gestured at the bags. “We went shopping, we went to see appa before”

“Sung Yeol told me” He replied with a nod. “I hope he’s doing well”

I told him how well he was now and the good news of him being discharged the next day; He was glad to hear it, which was not very surprising, him being himself; I was certain that he was referring more to the mock exams which were coming around and also to which I gave absolutely no concern. Myung Soo had always had that thing. He told me once, I remember, that he’d rather drag whomever who he is with on his road to success than taking it alone because he thought it was more enjoyable that way. I think he was probably thinking of celebrating the victory together.

Once we were inside, all three of us went to the kitchen and Myung Soo instantly started arranging the grocery in the pantries as though I had told him to. I was a little tired after all the walking and carrying done that day that I sat on the kitchen table and listened while Myung Soo told me about how he ‘finally got lucky’ the other night. Howon was rather cynical about it. I was a little doubtful myself too, and I was certain that both Howon and I were thinking the same thing. We didn’t say though; but I really wished that Myung Soo got around what with the whole ‘scenario’ rather gingerly. Just in case, I tried to steal glances of Howon throughout the tale. It was so surprising, how easily Howon hid his emotions; at times I found myself wondering whether it was him falling out of love that I was witnessing or whether he was scarcely hiding them feelings so well. That scared me, when I was doubtful of how he might feel at that certain moment. At that time though, he seemed rather witty and nonchalant about it. Surreptitiously I believed that he no longer felt for Song Naeun.

Howon left my place fifteen minutes later, claiming that he was needed at home after a brief phone call, supposedly from his mother. And while Myung Soo busied himself with wiping every single one of the cabinets, complaining that I was the most unclean woman he had ever come across in life, I ran upstairs and nervously checked on my phone.

It was no surprise, how that disappointment gushed over me the moment I witnessed the triumphant failure of Howon’s plan. I should have known that I was aiming for a star, not a fruit on a tree and that I had no prospect of winning with Sung Gyu on the other end. He hadn’t tried to reach me on my phone, not once; all I could find were about three thousand missed calls from Myung Soo along with three messages of hatred, mentioning something about me failing the year and another two from Woohyun asking if I were fine. There was one from Sung Yeol too, telling me about Myung Soo’s visit and the note; not one from Sung Gyu, not a single message or a phone call. Suddenly I became uncertain once more, uncertain of what I heard the night before. Was it that I was dreaming it all in my mind? Was it just an abstract vision running like a movie there in my head for all the desires I had? I wanted to cry, I was all about to, by crashing dramatically onto bed and wail but restrained when Myung Soo barged in with a serious façade put up.

“You okay?” He asked, giving me a look. “May I come in?”

“When did you begin to have problems with stepping into my personal space?” I asked, sitting on my covers and putting the idea of wailing aside for the time being. “Come come”

I noticed him turning red on his ears, I smiled to myself; no doubt that he had had some quality time getting ‘lucky’ the other day.

“So how are you? Been a long time yes?” I asked as though we were meeting after an eternity though it had been only two days. I was still a bit curious about how he got his head around things, to be honest. And maybe I was meaning to imply it but he didn’t seem to have caught up with it.

“I’m okay, but you concern me.”

Honestly, I didn’t even know what I had to do there in the conversation while it was him who had much explaining to do.

“What about?”

He gave me a look; long, and strange and put his hand into the pocket of his shirt.

Out he pulled the note from the secret admirer.

For a moment, we were both silent; I staring at his hand and him staring at me. I was unable to utter a coherent word, actually. Though I wasn’t feeling this strongly of it when Howon mentioned it earlier, I felt thousand times worse at that moment. It was like I was afraid, if I opened this note from this person unknown, of being unfaithful to Sung Gyu even though there was nothing happening between us. It was as though I was opening another door for another person to enter my life when Sung Gyu had already taken his spot in my heart. It was as though I was willing to do something that I wasn’t supposed to do but had no choice but to do it ultimately; feeling quite lost, I looked at Myung Soo for answers. I was almost certain that it was neither of the Kim brothers, Myung Soo already had his heart diverted and Sung Gyu, though he admitted it to a surreptitiously sleeping person, will never admit personally in the form of a letter. He just wasn’t the kind of a man. The only plausible option was Woohyun; and the more I thought of it, the more it made sense.

It had to be him. And if I opened this letter now, it would be I opening up my heart to the best friend of the man I loved.

After much thought, in the end, I unfolded it and my eyes fell onto the letters.

I had to know, I had no choice.

‘To dearest Jung Eunji’ It began and I bit my lip, trying to find that secretive voice, that heart, that mind, trying to calm the heavy racing of my frail heart all the while and continued reading it.

‘It’s been long since I last wrote to you, perhaps I was waiting for the right time to write to you again, I am uncertain myself of the reason, maybe its scarcely unnecessary to give reasons for my silence, given that we both might know them deep down in our hearts.

How have you been? Have you laughed? Cried? Were you happy? Were you sad? I hope you’re doing well now. Though you seem in my eyes to be perfectly well, I can never tell if your heart is in pain. If you’re so, I hope your heart will heal soon soon.

It might seem as strange that I am suddenly writing to you now, but for all I know, you are making speculations as to whom I could be. It must be exciting, scary or might come with a mix of thousand emotions; as well may it be, I suppose it’s high time that I come to reveal myself, it’s high time that this little chase would come to an end. It saddens me, and maybe you too. Though we had very less interaction this way (Almost none, I would say) we are more or less mutual, thus I think it’s time to ask you what I said I was meaning to.

Dearest Jung Eunji. One day, if I come to you and convey to you of how I feel in person as much as I wishfully conveyed them in the form of letters, would you accept them? Would you have accepted them while unknowing whom I were, and if so, would you feel the very same when I have revealed myself to you? When I had received my answer, I will decide whether or not to tell you the truth. The truth might be surprising, completely unexpected to you. Eunji, I hope you understand that things hardly ever happen in the very same way that you wish them to.

I wish to hear your answer either as a yes or no, that would suffice, and this I would like it if you could let Lee Sung Yeol know.

This would be the letter from me before the last. Hope to hear from you soon.

With love.

I put down the letter, feeling warm all over myself. It was as though I had travelled to an alternate universe for that split of a moment and had returned in a gush; my heart rate hadn’t gone down and I tried to catch a comforting breath before I stared up at the wall as though it held all the answers.

As strange as it may sound, I think it did.

“It’s Woohyun” I said, without thinking any further. “I’m sure it is him, the admirer”

I waited for Myung Soo to answer that very moment; lose his temper maybe, a repetition of what happened a few days ago but it never came; instead I could feel his gaze on my side.

“Why would you say so?” He asked eventually, and I turned to face him.

“The letter says the kind of things he would say, Myung Soo…”

He seemed to contemplate this for a moment and replied; “You said you couldn’t hear his voice, Eunji, do you hear it now?”

I stared down at the unfolded letter in my hands, reading bits and pieces of it as my eyes would find them. I wasn’t sure if there was any voice that I could hear, not a voice I knew; it scared me even, given that my speculation could be all wrong, the more I read the words however, the clearer it seemed to me. The letter said the kind of things Nam Woohyun would have said, even though it was impossible for me to match them with his voice.

“You’re probably right then” Myung Soo said in the end, without sounding very enthusiastic about it. “If so, I don’t think you should take this any further, Eunji…like I said, hyung does like you and-,”

“I know, he said he did” without being able to contain myself, I blurted out, stopping him in the middle.

Myung Soo stared at me, shocked, bewildered, his eyes widened the furthest they can go. It was most probably the first time Sung Gyu had ever said that to someone, if I was guessing right, for Myung Soo to act so shell shocked. Before even I could say anything, he replied. “My…that’s a first…”

I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment. “No wait, he didn’t directly say it, it…it was complicated-,”

“How did it happen?” He demanded as though he was a house-wife discussing gossip with a neighbor. “Why do I not know this?”

“I couldn’t tell you obviously” I said with a shrug. To be honest, I didn’t feel like reciting to him the whole incident of him telling me things while I was pretending to be asleep because it would make the situation all the more embarrassing; I stared at him helplessly then, trying my best to imply it. He watched me expectantly and shrugged in the end. “Okay, fine…don’t tell me then”

“Thank you” I replied.

“But getting back to the Woohyun issue-“

“I’m not certain okay?” I said, feeling a little lightheaded. “It’s just an assumption. The admirer wishes to meet me soon, and I only have to give an answer…”

Myung Soo looked at me as though I was about to declare war on Japan the next instant. “What would you say?”

“Yes, obviously”

“Yes what?” He asked, sounding rather dubious.

“Yes, as in, ‘Yes, I would like to meet you’”

He seemed like he was having a hard time coping with it. “Then what happens?”

“I don’t know” I shrugged, uncertain myself. “Whatever happens, I will see”

“Please don’t give the ‘Yes’ though, Eunji”

I stared at him, trying to read what his eyes seemed to say. I suddenly realized that the fact that he had moved on was something only I was trying to convince myself, probably him too; that determination to not to give up was evident in them, as though he had a hard grip on me, pulling me away from the choice I could possibly make and pushing me to the choice I was ought to make. In a haste, a memory from somewhere I couldn’t exactly recall surged into me.

‘If it’s not you, then it would be me and nobody would ever come in between…’

Though he’s trying to move ahead with his life, he’s not over it, he’s still not but was willing to let go for the sake of his brother…

…the brother who already gave the ‘yes’ to me…

“Never” I managed in the end, and took his hand in mind. “I have already given the ‘yes’ to he who deserves it, Myung Soo.”

Howon didn’t come over to dinner since I called him up telling him that he didn’t have to bring any food for that night. I honestly felt really bad that I was that dependent on him without even giving him anything in return; I was thinking from heavens and back of all the possible ways to make it up to him, for all that he did for me and all I could come up with was treating him for dinner or getting him concert tickets. I still didn’t feel satisfied though, given that he had done me so much more. Later I realized that he wasn’t doing all this out of mere courtesy as he claimed them to be; he wasn’t the kind to. He was doing everything for me because he truly cared, and the only way to make up for it was giving him the same affection in return.

It took me longer than necessary to realize what best friends were truly made for.

Both Myung Soo and I were waiting for the water to boil to make ourselves a packet of Ramyun, drowning in utter silence, listening to the sound of boiling water when my phone began to ring. It didn’t ring for the rest of the day after I checked earlier so it quite caught me with surprise. I moved in a haste, searching for where it rang from, only to find it huddled under a stack of discarded polythene wrappers. Myung Soo tut-tutted, shaking his head in annoyance and threw them off to a bin while I stared at the screen in despair.

Ringing to me from the other end of the line was Kim Sung Gyu.

I could only stare at it, fingers unmoving, contemplating whether I should pick up or simply ignore it. Myung Soo was right beside me then, watching me expectantly, and inside I could feel the excitement rising. If I picked up now, I knew I would get too excited and simply blow it; and also Howon’s big plan said that I need to ignore him, I couldn’t talk to him anyway. Thus after much thinking and allowing it to ring a few times, I gave the phone to Myung Soo.

“Tell him I’m sleeping” I whispered to Myung Soo, who nodded as though we’re a pair of spies from Russia. “Put it on loudspeaker”

He picked up at the ninth ring and soon put it on the speaker. I could hear the even breathing of Sung Gyu from the other end, which sent my heart in a frenzy, and soon came his voice, deep, sweet and mellow; like the soft rumble of the breeze.

“Eunji?”

The way he said my name almost got me blacking out on the spot. I was all about to respond until it occurred to me that I was not supposed to. Myung Soo gave me a long look, like he’s waiting for the command to attack and I gave him a nod.

“Ah, Hyung…It’s me, Myung Soo”

There was silence on the other end, during which I suppose he was wondering what on earth his brother was doing there, and in the end he replied as though he should have known it all from the beginning.

“Myung Soo…where’s Eunji?”

He looked at me once more and I gestured with my hands to lie more.

“She….she’s…”

His eyes were on me, asking for support and I pressed both my palms together and tilted my head with my eyes closed. Myung Soo understood.

“She’s asleep, hyung”

“Asleep?” Sung Gyu sounded like he was having a hard time coping with it. “Why is she asleep? Is she alright?”

My heart fluttered delightfully at how concerned he sounded from the other end; it was as though the wall he put up around himself only existed when I was around, the shell he vanished into existed only before my eyes. He was pretending.

Well, of course he was.

“She’s alright” Myung Soo answered quickly and looked at me. I continued to gesture more ideas. “She…is having…some girl problems”

I honestly thought that would shut him up, but for my utter befuddlement, it didn’t.

“Oh…that’s terrible. Isn’t Howon’s mother around?”

“No” Myung Soo said, nervously and I just stood there, unable to form a coherent response.

“Is it that bad? You know, you can help a bit if you can place a towel socked in warm water on her…umm…lower stomach? Apply some balm too…while she’s asleep, that is…”

Myung Soo looked like he was trying not to laugh, his lips tightened into a straight line, eyes narrowed while I was feeling honestly uncomfortable. I never thought he’d actually say those thing, let alone know that kind of things though he was brought up with an older sister. It made me a little happy too, he was going to be a marvelous husband and a father to a daughter one day. But I suppose it was a little too early that I really wanted to melt and die.

“Okay, I will do” Myung managed in the end, sounding grave which didn’t quite match the expression he sported.

“Have you too had dinner?” Sung Gyu wanted to know, and out of reflex, both Myung Soo and I glanced at the pot sitting on the stove.

“I was making Ramyun”

“Good” he replied from the other end. “Get her to eat, okay? She must be feeling awful….” And almost to himself, he added silently. “After what with yesterday…I knew something was up when she didn’t come today”

I wanted to yell out that I was fine and that it was only bloody periods, oh come on! But I restrained, with much difficulty; feeling a mixture of feelings at his utter concern. I never had seen this soft side of him, this much of care and concern; it was blatantly convincing me in a haste that what he told me yesterday, all of it was entirely the truth.

And that made me happy beyond belief. I felt as though I had very little left to do now.

The call ended with Myung Soo and his brother bidding good bye to each other and Myung Soo promising to be safe on the way home; after it was done, we both felt like we had just returned after running hundred miles. The water had boiled and dried off on the pan, and there was a thick smoke inside; we couldn’t care less though, because we both were thinking of how things were beginning to fall into place. In silence, I placed another pot of water on the stove and Myung Soo ripped off the packets to keep them ready. While waiting for the water to boil, I sat on the edge of the kitchen table; it wasn’t before long that I noticed Myung Soo watching me, like he was contemplating on something to say. The moment he met my eyes, he seemed to decide that it was time.

“Hyung and I had a long talk last night…” he said in the end.

I tuned to face him quite expectantly and a little surprised, only to find him smiling to himself.

“What…about?” I asked.

“This and that…” Silence. “…You, mainly”

The atmosphere became warm, suddenly, and I could feel every cell in my skin begin to prick with anticipation.

“What about me?”

There was silence, Myung Soo was watching the boiling water on the stove before he turned it down and turned to me; it was then that I noticed the strange blurry shine in his eyes; it almost made it evident to me. He’s still not over it.

I didn’t want more inkling to it when he admitted to me himself. “You know, I really like you Eunji….” There was silence once more; the uncomfortable kind, the kind you get when you’re right after a really difficult interview or the sort. “It’s been a while I began to see you as…more than a friend, but-,”

I held my breath, and he looked up to meet my eyes. “I understand the circumstances, I understand how you feel…and I understand, very clearly, how Hyung feel about you too…”

I stayed silent, watching him, urging him to continue.

“Hyung…he’s not like Woohyun hyung and I” Myung Soo said, returning to stare at the pot in which the water had stopped bubbling like it did before. “Hyung is…different. He’s had a difficult life, and I’d say that it’s a lot difficult than mine; things that I had, they ended…Eunji, but the problems that Sung Gyu hyung had, they never did…”

I didn’t say a word, but my mind instantly went back to the previous night, it recalled what he said to me, which I remember like a distant, blurry far cry but I was able to put few bits and pieces together.

‘A curse…his uncle, his sister, his parents, the in-laws and himself…’ Whatever they all are tangled in together.

“You know, he’s just trying to forget the things that happened…that’s why he would never bring it up and tell anyone, Eunji” Myung Soo said, meeting my eyes. “But the more he does it, the more he convince himself of abstract things, he told me what he told you that night…”

“What night?” I asked, confused.

“That about not loving anymore” He replied gravely and a simple ‘Oh’ was all I could manage.

“Eunji” Myung Soo added, now stepping towards me. “When he say this kind of things, he doesn’t exactly mean them, that’s only what he thinks are right. Hyung had had a difficult love life, a difficult past that and the worse thing is, he can’t escape them…it’s like a curse-,”

“A curse” I added, realizing that Sung Gyu called it the same thing. “He says that too…”

Myung Soo smiled. “It’s from him that I picked it”

“Is it that bad?” I asked, curiously. There was silence from his part then, him contemplating whether to say it or not; in the end, he gave me a long look and shook his head. “Eunji, I’d rather if he’d tell you himself”

“Will He?”

He nodded. “He will when he’s ready…”

We were silent again for a while, and Myung Soo, assuming that the conversation was over, returned to the stove and turned it up. The water began to boil in no time and he carefully put in the content of the packet; we waited for it to cook then, while so, I began the conversation.

“Myung Soo, why were you talking about me?”

Myung Soo twirled the broth in the noodles as he replied. “He was upset about what happened with the two devils, so he was telling me all about it…there were other things too…”

“Other things?” I asked.

Myung Soo went back to being silent again, slowly raising and lowering strings of noodles from the pot. He gave up on it after a while, let out a lone sigh and turned to me. “Eunji, Hyung likes you…I don’t know whatever which is with the letters but I really hope that you be more considerate…are you really going to see this person?”

I thought about it for a while. To be honest, I didn’t think that meeting Woohyun or whoever it is behind the letters would ever change my mind about it; true, I will be lying to this person, but I wanted the mystery be solved so I can move along with a head, less heavy, feeling more carefree so that when I give the real ‘yes’ to Sung Gyu one day, I would be someone with nothing else to think about, heart empty, all of it to be filled by him. I didn’t want to tell Myung Soo this though; I was simply too embarrassed to, he would understand when it’s time, surely, therefore I gave him the most plausible answer I could give.

“Yes”, I said, rather confidently, and gave him a grave look. “I am going to…”

The next day the lectures were scheduled after lunch hour therefore I called up Howon early in the morning and told him what the last-given letter said. He hadn’t come up with the next step of his so called plan, though; which was quite obvious to me, but he did say that I should keep on ignoring Sung Gyu unless he come begging to me. I thought it was so unlikely; he was Kim Sung Gyu on the first place, and it was a given that he would never do the kind of things that would tarnish his dignity by any means.  I planned to ignore him in case I come across him anyway, and that was not because Howon was telling me, no. It was because I wasn’t certain if I would be able to contain my excitement if I spoke a word to him, I would blow my covers and what I did that night will simply be out on display. Even the very thought made me cringe.

At around ten in the morning, I arrived at Yeollie’s and completely ignoring his unfathomable kind-of gaze, I went off to change into my uniform and simply went to the kitchen to see how Sung Jong was doing. He was pouring batter for cupcake the moment I went there, seeing me, he greeted to me with a smile.

 “Hello! You seem a lot better…”

“I do?” I asked with a smile. “Well, thank you, Sung Jong”

He pursed his lips in a straight line, like he wanted to say something. In the end, he turned to me. “I heard…about what happened that day, what with CEO-nim’s nephews…”

Sung Jong wasn’t at work that day, as far as I remember it; he looked a little guilty as he said, it. Sung Jong had always been like that when it comes down to ‘friend’ issues. I was certain he was blatantly blaming himself for all that which happened.

“Oh Sung Jong…” I said, and put a hand on his shoulder. “It was totally fine, in fact…it turned out to be pretty good in the end…”

“It did?” Sung Jong looked unbelieving. I gave him a nod.

“Yup…” and lightly on the cut on my forehead which I covered with a skin-colored plaster under Myung Soo’s supervision. “At the end of the day…it was just perfect”

Surely Sung Jong was trying to figure out what possibly could be perfect when I had a bruised face and when I had completely humiliated myself in front of the CEO, but even though I wanted to make the big announcement, I restrained from doing so. I left all of it for his imagination and helped him out with the cooked batch of carrot cakes.

I had to do cashier afterwards because Chorong unnie was having some sort of a mental break-down and Sung Yeol was walking back and forth behind me, thinking from hell to earth. I don’t think he had told her anything yet, and it was most unlikely, he would never have the guts to do it; but he was worrying alright, and cursing Moon oppa for whatever the reason I didn’t know of. I was impatient too, because I wanted to say that ‘Yes’ I was supposed to say, but I didn’t dare to trouble Sung Yeol yet while he wasn’t in the best mood.

By noon however I was nearing to leave for lectures. Myung Soo had already come to Yeollie’s and was sipping on latte with a rather bored face, and I busied myself wiping the table tops, feeling rather giddy and impatient. A moment later I found myself standing face-`a-face with Lee Sung Yeol, him staring down at me, his eyes bearing right into mine like he was in a brutal attempt to my soul out.

“Yes” I told him staring back at him. He nodded at me then, and dipped his hand into his apron pocket, only to pull out a folded of paper. My heart skipped in excitement the moment it landed in my hand.

“The chase is over now, Eunji”

I nodded, and gave him a smile.

“I hope you’d find your happiness soon…”

I practically skipped my way out of the café with Myung Soo at my feet, feeling excited for a reason I couldn’t really fathom. I wasn’t sure whether I was feeling this way for the end of the chase (which really wasn’t one, I’d say) or for Sung Gyu’s spontaneous, very romantically unromantic confession from yesterday; somehow, I was feeling rather cheery; and Myung Soo wasn’t very happy about it. He was walking behind me, whining about how bad of an idea this was. I didn’t think he had really fathomed my feelings for his brother; even if he had, he really didn’t have a clear picture of it. I was certain myself that I would never go for anyone else for no possible reason; in fact, I just couldn’t think anyone more perfect than Sung Gyu was. True, he may not be a perfect human being, but I deemed this as that what came with being in love, how we see even their flaws as simply perfection. I didn’t really bother explaining anything to Myung Soo, I decided that I’d just let him whine all he wanted, because I wasn’t going to change my mind anyway. At one point, I was uncertain if it was Sung Gyu behind the whole thing, somehow fabricated to lead me elsewhere, but I overlooked it as soon as it occurred to me. May it be him who encouraged Nam Woohyun to do it because he fancied to ‘ship’ us together? However it was, the whole deal was finally coming to an end. The most difficult part being breaking the admirer’s heart…I decided to deal with it as time would allow me to.

Speaking of the devil, Myung Soo and I had just step out from the stairwell to Yeollie’s out into the quadrangle when Sung Gyu hurried right towards us, his attention on the secretary whom I despised, talking intently without even seeing us approach. I halted abruptly, Myung Soo right behind me. Though I wished I could cry and make a whole drama out of it after all that happened with him, I couldn’t bring myself to, His words from the car the other day were still echoing in my mind like a sweetest melody, and that very moment I was thinking of nothing but ways to throw myself right into his arms. He was clad in a classy grey suit with a matching silver tie printed of spades, he looked like he hadn’t shaved or brushed his hair, his tie was crooked and jacket was a little off, I wondered how Myung Soo was coping just now seeing his brother looking like he had walked out from a train wreck. To me however, he was simply drop-dead beautiful. I could have thrown myself into him, I could have felt the soft cloth of his wrinkled shirt on my face and that dark stubble over his lip which he had forgotten to shave off that morning between my lips…

Focus, Eunji…you are supposed to ignore…

The only thing I wanted to do now was simply move along, pretending that he was just a tree standing on the road. I was intending to do so, honestly, and I could have done just that, if not for Myung Soo who was evidently thinking otherwise.

I couldn’t even bring myself to shut his mouth when he called over to his brother, and then it was my turn to pretend to be a tree when he stopped talking and turned to the both of us.

I pursed my lips into a line and held my breath. Myung Soo was meaning to do this, surely, since I told him about Howon’s and mine ‘ignoring’ plan; and to be honest, I wasn’t sure of how to feel about it now.

“Hyung…” Myung Soo called and waved a little like he was a middle school kid seeing his big brother for the first time. Sung Gyu looked shocked for a moment, evidently, that he stared at us for a moment as though we had just materialized from thin air. After a while however he excused his secretary and came to us in slow steps.

“Oh, Myung Soo…” He turned to me for the briefest moment and gave me an acknowledging nod. I was quite expecting him to behave this way, in fact, I was certain he would in case we did run into each other (hence my plan to ignore) but now that I was experiencing it, I wasn’t’ sure of how I should feel about it. I kept silent instead of saying anything, doing nothing but fidgeting with my fingers.

The two brothers had something familial to discuss, apparently, which they did, not minding the fact that I was standing right there, hearing all that they were saying. I wasn’t paying much attention though, since it wasn’t for me to do so; but I did catch bits and pieces of it, words like “Noona’s house” and “Paying uncle’s debt” and such. Later on it occurred to me that I should have paid more attention, but when it did, the conversation was already done with.

The two were huddled together before, Nose-a-nose, and then Sung Gyu stepped back with a rueful smile, patting his brother softly on his arm. “Don’t bother about it, Myung Soo…it’s all my problem…”

“But hyung!” Myung Soo protested gravely but he happened to step further away.

“Myung Soo” He addressed the latter, and gave him a long look. ”Hyung’s life have always been too perfect, so a few glitches then and there really don’t matter, okay?”

That line…

I wanted to oppose that very instant that his life was not and that he was only trying to throw it under the rug as he always would; I wanted to say that his life was not at all perfect and that little I knew of him was enough to figure it out, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to. My lips were sealed even when he turned to me and gave me that opportunity to, because I knew better of myself, I knew better to not to interfere with their personal matters, not at least until I were told the real deal. I knew it myself that until I was trusted to know what happened, it was still too sensitive of a matter to be touched.

Thus I remained silent, feeling his eyes on me. We were silent for a while and I could feel Myung Soo’s eyes on both of us, going back and forth like radar sensors, waiting for one of us to speak.

It was then that I realized that Sung Gyu and I had never been this so awkward in our lives.

It was him who finally, spoke out.

“Eunji…How are you feeling?”

Incredible. I wanted to say, how do you think I would feel after being said that you loved me?

I didn’t say it though. Singing Howon’s words in my head like a mantra, I gave him a nod. “I’m…better”

Sung Gyu nodded back and looked at his shoes. Silence.

“I’m sorry…about yesterday, about the twins…I didn’t mean to-,”

If he said more, I knew that I would drop everything and say something along the line of ‘Yes, liking you is an understatement too!’ and had to avoid that from coming, thus quickly, I gave him a look and replied. “It’s okay…CEO-nim...” and bowed quietly before turning to Myung Soo. “Myung, let’s go, we’re already late”

Myung Soo looked at me like I declared war on Korean peninsula. “Eunji”
With my eyes, I tried to convey him the message that it wasn’t working that way but he, as always, was being too stubborn to move. I was getting impatient, honestly, if I stood there for another thirty seconds I would have told Sung Gyu everything and blow everything out. I had to escape.

So I had no choice but move Myung Soo forcefully by his arm, which I did and quickly dragged him away, bowing to his brother on and on while doing so; leaving him there in a complete nervous breakdown. I felt sorry for him too, truly, I didn’t want to be so discourteous to him, but even then, I really had no choice.

“What the hell!” Myung Soo began just as we reached his car. “What is in there in that petty head of yours?!?”

“” I said and waited for him to unlock the door. I was growing impatient, because I had a letter to read, huddled in my pocket and here was Myung Soo, making ‘leaving Sung Gyu hanging’ a global issue.

“I’m not surprised” he said, sounding annoyed and unlocked the doors. I shuffled inside without a word, Myung Soo followed after me and for a moment, we just sat there, trying to get our thoughts straight.

“I got too excited” I told him in the end.

“What?” Asked Myung Soo, bearing his eyes on me. “About the letter-?”

“About Him, your brother…”

Myung Soo went silent, almost immediately, and I continued. “You know, I really really like him, and the letter, the admirer, or anything is never going to change my mind…”

“Then why don’t you move on with it?” He asked gently.

“I can’t…I think he’s still stuck in there…whatever that happened”

“And I think if you just go ahead with it, he would change his mind…”

I shook my head. “But I’m sure we both want to start fresh…”

Myung Soo was silent for a while, and all of a sudden he hit harshly on the veneer of the steering wheel as though it should be blamed for everything. “Screw that , Eunji. You two just go on a date, get drunk, make up, make love, done and done.”

I felt my cheeks heat up. I wanted to say something contradictory, but on the other hand, I felt that he was quite making sense. Maybe if I just went ahead with it, he would change his mind…

But only, I didn’t know how difficult his problems were, hence was not allowing me to step inside any yet.

I only laughed in response. “If it was that easy…”

“That is what we did”

And I shut up.

It was during lectures that I sneakily pulled out the note and began to read it while Myung Soo wasn’t looking. The excitement was still bubbling inside me just as I unfolded it. The letter smelled quite familiar so I assumed it was held somewhere in someones coat pocket. I couldn’t exactly pinpoint the scent, but I was certain I knew it from somewhere.

Maybe it was how Woohyun smelled like.

The letter was a lot short unlike the recent ones I got. The writing was hurried unlike the other times, and the paper looked like it had been ripped off from somewhere, very impromptu, but I didn’t really mind. What I really cared for was what the letter read.

‘Dearest Jung Eunji’ it said in rushed letters.

‘So you have said ‘yes’, I expected you to do so. Meet me today (Eighth of May, is it?) at four thirty in the evening, I will be there up on the patio of Yeollie’s, the fourth umbrella, I suppose you know?

Prepare to have the biggest surprise of your life.

With love.

Your secret admirer’

The biggest surprise of my life. I couldn’t help it but run it over and over again in my mind like a prep-mantra, the whole time during lectures and the whole time out of the hall, in the bus and down the stairwell to Yeollie’s. I was a complete nerve wreck when I got there, fanning myself subconsciously like I had landed myself in an autre universe, I couldn’t give Sung Yeol a complementary glance when he passed by me, looking smug as though he had won the Korean war. I wasn’t paying attention to anything, the pure excitement was what controlled me for the moment. In my mind I was trying to put two and two together, and the more I thought about it, the more it seemed strange and farfetched to me.

Ten minutes, and I was scared. I realized that I had made a massive mistake, somewhere, in assuming things. I just didn’t know what or where, but it didn’t make sense to me anymore. The whole thing was a jammed up labyrinth, messing up my mind. I was in love with Sung Gyu, and here I was, sitting under the fourth umbrella, waiting for Nam Woohyun to come and announce that he liked me.

And I have a feeling that it will not be him.

What if it was Sung Yeol, or Howon? Or Myung Soo, even. Whatever the hell was I supposed to do?

I wished I had done like Myung Soo said, screw it all and go out with Sung Gyu, tell him everything and spend the night together, counting stars up in the summer sky; but then again, I wanted the story to fall into place, I wanted this to end, to find out whoever picked up the letter, whoever wrote to me, whoever landed me here. I wanted to find out, I wanted it to end so I can screw everything and do as Myung Soo said to me. I wanted to move on.

Feeling completely brain-dead, I pushed my hair back and buried my face in my hands. Maybe I should just bravely face this and solve it myself, maybe this would be a huge turn over for me, a new chapter in my life. The biggest surprise of my life. So I made up my mind.

Another few minutes, I heard footsteps on the patio, wood creaking under someone’s heavy feet; my whole body ran cold.

It’s him, the secret admirer. Finally coming before me, finally revealing his identity to me. I couldn’t cope with myself…

I finally looked up, and widened my eyes.

It was Nam Woohyun standing before me, looking down at me with the signature grin I always knew of him.

I stood up abruptly, the chair screeching loudly behind me. He stepped forward, leaned on a pillar and watch me with fascinated eyes. I stared back at him, surprised, with widened eyes and all; however it took me a moment to see his posture, the way he reacted.

He looked carefree, almost too nonchalant. Like he knew this would happen, like this was how it was all supposed to be.

Then I looked into his eyes. There’s a shine, silver and cheery; a glint of pure mischief and pleasure. The curl on his lips was equally joyful, and his fingers were tapping, like he was awaiting me reaction.

Then I realized the truth.

“It’s not you…Woohyun” I said in the end. “It isn’t you”

He watched me for a moment, smiling, and shook his head. “But it is…”

I knew he was lying.

“No it isn’t…”

He continued to watch me then, and after a few seconds, he heaved himself straight, stepped towards me and cupped my face with both his hands. His eyes bore in to mine, happy and mischievous and simply replied. “Congratulations, Jung Eunji, You figured it out, you clever girl…now be ready for the biggest surprise of your life…”

I just didn’t know how to respond. So I waited, without a word.

I waited for someone else to come behind him, somehow, minutes passed but nobody did.

Hello there!

I'm so so so SO sorry that I took so long, I was;

1) preoccupied with college
2) preoccupied with personal matters
3) Preoccupied with cats (I got another addition so its seven over here)
4) Preoccupied with other stories.
          'The last snowfall' (click the name)
          'What I think when I think about dying' (Click the name)
6) Simply procrastinating. =D

My biggest apologies!!!

I hope you enjoy this update, sorry for leaving you hanging!!

And thank you all my beautiful readers for holding on with me, and for all the lovely comments. I will reply to them all when I have time, I hope you're not mad at me (please don't be!)

and again, I'm really really sorry!

On an end note, we have only two more chapters to go!

Enjoy!

With loads of love

Achini.