On the day that my mother died nine years ago, I still remember myself sitting there on the staircase, engulfed in the stale uncertainty, without even being able to cry a single tear for the terror I was in. My whole life of twelve years was running before my eyes, the life I had with my mother; the things we did, the conversations we had, the time we spent together; and I realized later on that when the uncertainty of another life comes before us, what we’re afraid of wasn’t losing them (Though, surely, we think we are), what we are afraid of was having to go on living with that empty space they left behind with us. The places she sat was empty, the hand she held was no longer held, the side of the bed she slept was no longer crumpled and the sound of her voice was no longer there in the kitchen. Those memories, and the conscious that we had so much left in our lives ahead was what which killed us inside, and this was what we were afraid of, that emptiness, that empty space beside us. That is what which kills us inside. That is why they say, what is the point of going on living when they are gone? Though, in reality, though we don’t realize it, there is a point of us going on living; because if we fade away too, we will be leaving another empty space beside the ones we loved. When we die, we never die alone.

The moment the three of us sat at the hospital outside the theatre scarily reminded me of that time I sat and waited for my mother to come out twelve years ago. The smell of the corridor of plastic and ambiguity was the same, the sound of footsteps on the cold marble floor was the same, the looks on people’s faces were the same, but only I knew that the fate of the fallen wasn’t. My mother had already left this world when she was taken inside to be given another chance of life while Sung Gyu had brought life gripped tightly in his hand. This gave us all hope, this gave us all a sense of certainty, and this kept us all alive. We were scared, nevertheless; and that was why we couldn’t say a single word. Silence sounded to me the best conversation of all as to that time, and basking in it was giving us a space for ourselves.

Woohyun, Myung Soo and I sat in a line, and the one bearing it up all, somehow, was me. I gave my best to not to cry, just like I did nine years ago. It wasn’t good to not to cry though, because that was the mistake the twelve year old me did when my mother died, and the pain remained stuck in me forever, bringing me down completely. But I had grown up, I had grown enough to live the pain and keep the hopes up to secure the others, and seemingly both Woohyun and Myung Soo viciously needed it. Myung Soo was crying. Though I hadn’t seen it before, it was possibly the most heart-breaking sight I had ever seen. At first it wasn’t silent but loud and desperate, angered even which deliberately gained everyone’s sympathy at that moment. The nurses tried to calm him down, both I and Woohyun tried to calm him down, later on he ended up making muffled screams into my shoulder hours before he finally calmed down. By now he had resorted to shed silent tears. Woohyun cried too. Not loud, not seemingly desperate but quiet and with fear. One could hardly hear his sobs or see his tears but the way he paced around explained it all. I remembered what Sung Gyu said about both of them, they had frail hearts, they were emotional, and they needed strength by their side. That strength for them had always been himself, and at that moment I had no power to fill in that space for them. I remembered what they both said about him, the strongest man they have ever met. This thought came to me as a reassurance, something which kept me going without tears; I knew he would pull it through, I knew that the grip he had on life was so much stronger than we all knew it to be.

Hours passed, Sung Gyu’s parents came by, both of them shocked and unable to believe what happened and discernably they began to blame it all on their uncle, Sung gyu’s father’s younger brother. His mother was silent throughout, she wasn’t crying but soothing her youngest son while cradling his head in her shoulder. He kept on telling her that his brother was going to be fine. Her voice was trembling though, but I found her strength remarkable. I immediately knew where Sung Gyu’s gift had come from. Sung Gyu’s sister came around too, accompanied by someone unrecognizable and I didn’t wish to question anyone of them either. And as though on cue, Sung Gyu’s father began to blame on his daughter too. Things took quite a while to settle down, hours or even two, maybe, and yet, Sung Gyu’s condition was unheard of.

Sung Gyu had been speeding on the highway apparently and had lost his control by a mid-entrance near Ansan. As the witnesses had claimed, the vehicle had twirled in circles and crashed onto the railing on the side of the road. By the time the ambulance arrived, he was already unconscious and except for the minor wounds from his face and downwards the most prominent injury had been his right leg. It had been stuck and wedged between the seat and the crashed frontal of the car, and it had been with much difficulty that they had brought him out of it. I had to take a hard grip on myself just to listen to all of it, just thinking of the sheer pain he must have endured at that moment was killing me million times inside but I held on because that was what he needed me to do to heal. We had to file a police report, which Sung gyu’s father did and it was I who had to go with him because nobody else seemed like they could even walk on two feet. At the station it was such a wait and his father almost made a scene there if not for me; I had to literally make him sit down and make the case myself. Later on, I realized, this was what Sung Gyu would have wanted and expected from me. To be strong when everyone else had fallen apart.

By the time we returned to the hospital, the news was already out. Sung Gyu had graciously made it through. There had been a severe blood loss, though, and he had been given thereof enough to survive and be breathing again. He was in the incentive care unit, fully alive but still unconscious, hundreds of tubes and plasters covering every inch of him. The very sight of his was hurting my heart. I held on, nevertheless, I didn’t cry. Because I could hear his voice telling me inside my head; “Face what fears you”. Nothing could be more accurate at that time than his words.

 We weren’t allowed to go in and see him, however, since he was still prone to diseases and he needed his much needed rest until he would finally wake up. We stayed around until it was late at night. Even Howon and my father came around, accompanying a perplexed Naeun who soon rushed to sooth her boyfriend who escalated into a wreck the moment she came around. My father embraced me but I assured him that I was fine. He was surprised to have that coming from me, and I simply reassured to him, holding both his hands in mine. “Appa…Sung Gyu oppa is alright…”

Later on, my father and Sung Gyu’s father engaged in a long conversation. His mother was there too, while rubbing the bony shoulder on a distressed Myung Soo; and by the look of it, they were talking about us. Meanwhile I sat with Howon and Woohyun, I gave the letter Sung Gyu gave me earlier that day for Howon to read.

Ten minutes, Sung Yeol came around sporting the kind of a face that one would during a terror attack. Sung Jong and Chorong tailing behind him. I had to recite to them the situation all from the beginning, and later on I excused myself from the Kims and my father; we huddled ourselves in a table in the hospital cafeteria. I let Sung Yeol to read the letter he gave me too. In the end, they all were looking at me as though I had just saved a country from a mass homicide.

“All this trouble, for you…” Sung Yeol said offensively as though it was all a terrible crime. “I feel for the man, god, I feel for him!”

“Love is blind, they say” Howon said and gave me a knowing look. “It was an unexpected twist, wasn’t it?”

I agreed with a nod. “We were on the way to get him back, actually. It was on the way we heard it”

Chorong unnie leaned over and held my hand in hers. “Everything will be fine, Eunji, He’s perfectly well, so don’t worry…”

I smiled and rubbed the softness of her hand. “I’m not worried…I’m sure he will be all fine...”

“Our Eunji is managing so well” Howon commented with a smile. “It’s surprising, but then again, it isn’t…”

We bought coffee but I wasn’t in the mood for any, knowing that Sung Gyu wasn’t having anything for the while either. We talked about this and that, mostly Sung Gyu while we were at it, and afterwards we returned to the ward only to meet with a huge commotion. Apparently the voting which was scheduled in china had been canceled and Sung Gyu’s uncle had returned with his wife who really looked like a wicked witch and they were furious, claiming that Sung Gyu did this on purpose in order to terminate the shift. Sung Gyu’s father who had had enough of his brother’s felonies had finally come up on his feet, and despite his old age and small built, he was holding his brother against a wall while the others were trying to pull them apart. I suppose he deserved it, the uncle of his. What a nerve. After all that happened, all he could do was come and accuse Sung Gyu of being phony while in reality it was him who’d been everything bad.

I wanted to go and tell him everything I knew at that moment, but I was too late because my father had pulled them apart and had made Sung Gyu’s father sit while he handled it himself. There was a crowd gathered, nurses and doctors trying to send everyone away. That moment Howon decided there were visitors more than necessary therefore he decided to head home. Sung Yeol too, agreed.

“It’s terrible we couldn’t see Hyung yet” Sung Yeol said in monotone. “But I guess it isn’t the time. Come here princess” He held his arms open and I went into his embrace. While in the hug I asked in his ear. “You two a thing?” He chuckled almost inaudibly and patted hard on my back. “We’re going there…”

Howon hugged me too and asked me if I wanted to come. I told him that I’d come with my father, he said hyung will be fine and we will both be alright. I just smiled, hugged him warmly and sent him off. By the time I returned to the corridor, the commotion had died down; Sung Gyu’s parents, his aunt and uncle, my father and Woohyun weren’t in sight. Myung Soo was sitting lifelessly beside his sister and I sat beside them. He soon reached over and gripped my hand.

“Take care of Hyung, Eunji. Take care of him…” He said to me, his voice a crackling whisper. I rubbed his hand softly and replied; “Don’t worry, I will…”

“He’s hurting so much…” He said.

“He will pull it through, he’s Sung Gyu oppa after all”

He was smiling slightly then, and said to me. “Call him oppa, it’s cute…”

“Hmm, okay”

“You two make a cute couple…”

I could only smile.

We sat in silence then, still holding hands, and slowly Myung Soo laid his head on my shoulder. I patted his dark hair slightly, and he kept on rubbing the skin on my wrist. It was a strange moment, and surely their noona was wondering who on earth I was. She didn’t appeal to me from the moment I saw her; she seemed more of the serious, competitive type, the kind of people who thought money and power was the meaning of life. I didn’t feel like talking to her even, she only looked irritated when she should be feeling guilty, knowing she was partially at fault. I was angered at how she wasn’t even showing an inkling of it.

After a while, however she leaned over and asked. “Are you Jung Eunji?”

I looked at her and only nodded. She nodded back and looked ahead. “You’re from Dae-kyun too?”

I nodded again. Myung Soo had sat up by then, and didn’t look too happy about it thus before even she could ask anything else, he began to speak. “She’s Eunji and her second year GPA is two-point-two-seven. She’s majoring in political science and she’s doing well in her studies. She doesn’t need your approval to become my best friend or to be Hyung’s girlfriend” Then he turned to me. “Eunji, this is Sung Yeon noona” He turned back to her while we both watched him, flabbergasted. “She says it’s a delight to meet you” He stood up then, dragging me alone and soon we were hurrying out of the corridor.

Once we were out of her ear shot, I stopped Myung Soo and asked him; “What was all that about?”

He shrugged and let go of my hand. “I know what she was going to say”

“What?” I asked.

“She judges people by their education…Eunji, it isn’t what defines you…”

We have reached a tall window with a fake plant potted on its side. The window overlooked the street of Ansan city, somewhere I haven’t come before, and though different from where I lived, it was nice. I stood beside it and Myung Soo leaned on the wall beside me, then I asked; “Then what does, what defines me?”

He looked down at me and through the weariness, he smiled. “Nothing does”

“Undefinable?”

“Undefinable”

I got Myung Soo to walk down to the cafeteria because he looked like he was all about to collapse the next instance, and on the way we happened to meet Woohyun who hurried towards us, his face grim and resolute. He then claimed that there was something important he need to talk about with us so together we walked down to the hospital cafeteria.

Once there we ordered ourselves coffee and for the sake of staying put until Sung Gyu would wake up, we consume it with much difficulty. While we waited for the beverage to get less warm, Woohyun leaned into the table and began.

“Here’s the thing, we’re going to square Hyung’s uncle for real…”

“Finally” said Myung Soo, sounding relieved. “All these years, everyone was so bloody scared of him!”

“Well, it’s going to be over now. He’s done so much fraud, he belongs only to the jail”

I nodded, agreeing and urged Woohyun to carry on. “What was it you needed to tell us?”

“Oh yes, that…” Woohyun nodded. Had a sip of coffee and looked at both of us, back and forth into our eyes. It was as though he were reading them, as though they most perceptibly held the answers he was looking for. Finally he said to us in a low, serious voice; “In order to catch his uncle fair and square, we have to send Hyung off to the states”

For a moment there was silence, and both Myung Soo and I were mulling over it. In fact, I couldn’t exactly decipher what my mind was trying to tell me, whether I was satisfied by what came of it or whether it expected something more. Of course Sung Gyu was in no state to travel at this moment, nor was he in the state of continuing his stable role as the CEO of SK C and C. Sending him off sounded to be the most perfect answer at that time, especially if his uncle was to be squared for fraud; mostly because Sung Gyu was in no position to be engaged in any sort of investigations. I realized, what kept me stubborn at that time was having to go on with that empty space for a while, and it scared me. Though he would certainly contact me, though we would talk, we would still be far apart from each other, without seeing, sensing or feeling each other. I was afraid of the distance, because, for me, distance only implied the prospect of change. Sung Gyu and I had finally landed where we always wanted to be, and honestly, I didn’t want anything to change.

“For-for how long?” Myung Soo finally managed to stutter out. I suppose he was having the most difficult time of all after Sung Gyu, being the emotional wreck he was.

“Two-three months? That would do…”

“But he’s not in the best condition…”

Woohyun kept the can of coffee he held down on the table and looked straight at both of us. “He is alright; except for the fractured leg, everything else is fine. Mister and Missus Kim are going to do a few tests and everything, in another two-three days, he’d be sent off…”

Myung Soo paled, just like that and widened his eyes by the sheer horror of the fact. “That-that soon?”

“Investigations take long…”

Myung Soo silenced, immediately, and I realized that he wasn’t exactly coping well with the newest revelation. I wasn’t coping with it either, to be honest; I despised the fact that we had to let him off before even we could speak a word to him. But allegedly, things had already been decided and we could do nothing about it. It was for Sung Gyu’s good anyway, and we had no right to interfere since it was decided by his parents, so all that I did at that moment was laying a hand on Woohyun’s hand and say; “We can always talk about this tomorrow”

Sadly though, tomorrow came too fast, and still we were not in the best mood to talk about it. Sung Gyu was still unconscious, Myung Soo was still a wreck, I was still trying not to be while all through that, Woohyun was growing impatient with everything. It was fair that none of us were in our best mood; it was as though Sung Gyu was lying there, unconscious after he had robbed of all our happiness at once. Every possible time that we were allowed to, one after the other we’d stare at his life-less figure lying stiff and still through the parting glass, what which separated him from us, him in his own world and us in ours. Him knowing nothing and us knowing nothing. It was painful, it hurt a lot more to see him in the state he was in than it would have been if we had let him off. At one point I found myself wondering if it wouldn’t have happened if we never really tried to stop him. But then again, this was fate; his and ours thus even though we hadn’t done what we did, he would still have gotten there and we would still be there, grieving in uncertainty until he had finally opened his eyes to the world.

The next day we had our mock test in Sociology for which I haven’t studied, let alone thought of studying the first place. Myung Soo didn’t seem like he was up to writing any exams either, and for the first time I happened to witness him finishing a paper too early; and I realized that he hadn’t exactly written it. So hadn’t I, and neither of us cared. Soon after that we headed out to lunch where we didn’t exactly eat but sipped on cola and reminisced the good times we had with his brother. I went back to the day when he became the CEO, how he went gaga after seeing the dog and falling-on-the-top incident; and then how we ran away, danced in the street and kissed like it was the most natural thing on earth. How we held hands in the rain and how we met my grandmother in the most unexpected moment; thinking at that moment, I realized, after all that happened, all of that seemed so far away. Like they happened years before now although in reality only about a month or so had passed. I thought of how time went so fast, escalating us from one point of life to the other; from one step to the next. It was a strange thing indeed. And I thought of how it would have been if we could see how the future was like. We would have solved many things then, saved many lives. Thinking in silence, the time ticked on.

By the time we went to the hospital however, everyone were in better moods. Woohyun looked like he was seeing the sun rise for the first time and Sung Gyu’s mother was crying on his father’s shoulder. We didn’t need to ask anything the moment we approached them; the cheerful satisfaction of them engulfed us in its warmth invitingly and before long, Myung Soo asked; “Hyung woke up?” And yes, he had.

The wait we had to do that night was the longest wait I had ever done in my life. So said Myung Soo, adding it that it was a lot worse than the wait he did for two years for him to return. He was in a better mood though, like it was the resurrection. It was Sung Gyu’s resurrection, maybe; and since the two were interconnected like the sea to the sky, it was like so for him too. We waited for hours which for us were like days. We weren’t allowed near his room still, because he had tests running on him and he was still prone to diseases. We waited for an entire day and a half, wishing and thinking and dreaming on the cold, narrow hospital stools. It felt like ages for us, and then as the dusk arrived, calling the end of that day, they finally announced that Sung Gyu was ready to see us.

I wasn’t sure what made me happier, whether it was being granted the permission to finally see him or whether it was the fact that he had finally woken up. However I was happy beyond belief and I could barely stay put on my seat. I was hopping on my feet, crying while Myung Soo laughed and cried at the same moment, making me wonder at one point whether it was even possible to do so. It was his parents who were allowed to see him first; and since their noona wasn’t around, we were granted the permission to go next. His parents stayed there for a fair moment; almost fifteen minutes and when they finally walked out, I realized, they were crying and the tears weren’t the same tears we witnessed just three days ago.

Finally then, Myung Soo and I were allowed to go in. We held hands, Myung Soo and I and we tried our best to hold on, stay put and stay happy all alone the small steps we made into the hospital room. It reeked strongly of plastic and surgical spirit inside, not what I was accustomed to wherever Sung Gyu was around. The walls were pastel blue and the tiles were white. Where he lied was concealed behind blue partitions and there were two nurses around. We couldn’t see Sung Gyu though, for a while we wondered if we were allowed to see him at all. After a while then, a partition was removed and we could see him, lying among the soft white sheets, pale and dull, eyes sunken and lips parched, dark hair curled and disheveled. On his hand was an IV drip injected, the other hand was attached to what measured his heart rate. I might have been delusional though, but when I met his eyes, I could swear the heart rate displayed on the screen went slightly high. I wondered if he could speak, all owing to the many cords, tubes and wires. I didn’t want him to either, because he seemed so weak and vulnerable. But he was Sung Gyu, and Sung Gyu was strong, and that, I suppose was what he wanted to prove when he finally spoke. His voice was only a slight, silent whisper and we could only make out the words by the slightest movements of his lips. We moved closer to him when he gestured to us. When we finally saw him, stark and clear, both Myung Soo and I couldn’t help ourselves, so we cried.

Sung Gyu seemed lost and out of place when I finally lifted my eyes to see him. His lips were parted as though he had more to speak but couldn’t bring himself to; his hand kept slowly clenching and unclenching as though he wanted to hold my hand. Myung Soo was still crying while muttering ‘Hyung, uri hyung!’ on and on and while he did so, and since Sung Gyu wanted me to, I reached out and let him fold my hand in the warm one of his. His fingers were cold, unconsciously fumbling for mine and I squeezed it tighter like I was afraid to let go. It was with much difficulty that I kept from crying and when he smiled at me the slightest, my heart leaped thousand miles in air. It was like a reassurance for me, a reassurance that he was still fully alive.

Myung Soo didn’t seem like he would stop sobbing any moment, and though it was silent and soundless, it was still heartbreaking and of course, Sung Gyu didn’t seem like he would watch it any longer. He slowly let go of my hand, his eyes bearing into mine, giving me a silent message thus I stepped away. It was then that he called Myung Soo towards him, his voice almost inaudible when he called his name and when Myung Soo walked over to him, sobbing harder and louder that I witnessed the most breathtaking reunion of two brothers of all. I widened my eyes, my breathing hitched and all I could do was watch them when Myung Soo leaned down and buried his face in the crook of his brother’s neck. Sung Gyu kissed his hair and his ear with much difficulty and his hand, pale and weak began to pat lightly on his arm. He was muttering on and on, only his lips moving, ‘don’t cry, I love you, don’t cry’

At that point, I began to wonder what was stronger; my love for Sung Gyu or Myung Soo’s love for him. We both seemed to have different reactions on him, earning different reactions from Sung Gyu too, and then I realized, completely on the contraire to my previous speculation, that love had no differentiation, a fact to point at and say that was what it made it a particular kind of love. Love had no kinds or types; love was love, no matter between whom it did exist. I suppose it only depended on how we loved one another, what we did to show and prove it to them, and that was where Myung Soo and I differed.

Later on we both just stood there, listening to Sung Gyu as he tried to make out the words. He said he was fine, and that he would get back to being himself soon and that we had no reason to worry so much; he told us to take care of one another until he came back to our side. He didn’t know that he was to be taken away to the states soon, evidently and we didn’t actually try to mention it either. Somethings better left a blur I suppose, at least until he learned it himself; and after we both gave him a kiss on the forehead, and after he had given us a warm smile and something strange and entirely different to me, like a secretive message to acknowledge our love, we left and walked into the night.

The next day came so soon and then the next, next and the next where we both found out that we have both quite failed the sociology mock test; it was as if the exam was virtually mocking us, so we laughed. We laughed so hard at an exam paper we’ve failed for the first time in our lives like it was the most natural thing to do. We went to the chicken place we always went to in order to celebrate Myung Soo’s first time of failing an exam (Because I have already failed, like, an uncountable number of times) and after three days of refusing to consume anything heavy, Myung Soo actually downed just about a dozen of chicken wings and all his ten fingers clean with such insane happiness that I wondered if he had lost his mind. Later that day we both went to see Sung Gyu again, only to find him sitting up on his bed, live and dandy like he’s always been that way the whole time. The IV was still attached to him but the heart-rate machine was removed; he was no longer in the incentive care unit but a VIP room and the moment we entered he was flirting with a pretty nurse, loudly appreciating the hospital food. I smiled to myself, not a least bit affected by the flirting he did and surely Myung Soo was smiling too. The nurse exited the room just as we entered and after we closed the door behind us, Sung Gyu’s mood changed to a much slumped one and groaned out loud, ‘I despise the hospital food!’ I couldn’t help but laugh.

“That wasn’t what I heard you saying” Myung Soo said, smiling as he dragged a plastic chair towards the bed.

“Oh Myung Soo my child! Bring your hyung something edible please!”

We both laughed and Myung Soo reached out to give his brother a hug.

“How have you been?” He asked as he pulled away. Sung Gyu sighed, stretched out his hands, gave a smile of pure satisfaction and replied to the both of us, “Except for the pain-staking leg and the pain-inducing food, I have never been better”

“Good to hear that!” Myung Soo said and stretched his legs, yawning rudely. Sung Gyu smiled as if he was responding and while I watched him, he suddenly looked up to me and our eyes met. His smile widened in reflex and called my name the same way he did back at the parking lot three four days ago. I felt the hair of my neck rise and in return I squeezed my hands behind my back. It was strange, honestly. It was as though he and I were sharing some sort of secret message of our own, something only we knew; something which made only our hearts flutter in delight. We stared at one another a moment too long, and at that moment I only wanted to leap in and kiss him on the lips, hard. Maybe he wanted it too, because the gleam in his eyes and his smile quite suggested it. It was as though we were in a moment of love which was being constantly interrupted by one annoying Myung Soo, sitting between us.

And Myung Soo who noticed the enigmatic exchange between us looked at either of our faces, sat up straight and screeched loudly. “Get a room you two! Jesus!”

Sung Gyu turned to his brother, looking bored and definitely uninterested in his antics and grumbles and said “Myung Soo.”

“Yeah?”

Sung Gyu put up a pretentious benevolent face followed by an equally pretentious smile which basically meant get-out-of-the-room and said “You look tired. Why don’t you, like, get us all coffee or something?”

Myung Soo looked like he just got slapped across the face; bored, annoyed and betrayed. He looked at our faces, back and forth as though we both were sporting the same expression (perhaps we were, I could never tell), sighed heavily with annoyance evident in his voice and soon stomped out of the room.

It’s wrong if I said I wasn’t relieved when Myung Soo actually got out of the way. I had all the rights to complain, and Sung Gyu had all the rights to do what he did because it had been days we saw each other and by the looks of it, things between us had evidently changed. We needed to spend time together more, especially given that Sung Gyu was to leave to the states in a few days and we weren’t to see each other in person for a considerable amount of time. It’s fair that we wanted it and definitely not fair that Myung Soo was grumbling about it.

Sure enough, Sung Gyu had had other intentions when he sent Myung Soo out of his room that immediately after he went away, he looked at me, smiled and said, “Eunji-ah, come here…”

“Oh?” I was surprised, mostly because I was nervous to be so close given the circumstances. He didn’t seem to notice though, that instead of making me feel better he did the worse he could possibly do, which was to move to one side on his bed and patting the spot next to him, beckoning me to come towards him.

“Come here, come here…”

I widened my eyes, my heart beating heavily, it was so hard that I wondered if it would burst and I die so I pressed my hand on it and went. “Huh, I…me?”

“Of course, you!” He said, laughing. “Who else is there in the room?”

“I…well...” Honestly, I had never been more embarrassed in my life. I immediately began to wonder what I had had for lunch that day and sadly realized that it was chicken and that I had eaten a whole lot. What if there were bits stuck in my teeth? What if we happened to kiss and he find them there? What if he get disgusted by it that he’d immediately decide to dump me? I knew I had no reason to have all sorts of non-sensical insecurities, given that if we kissed now it wouldn’t even be the first time, but still, I realized, this time around it was different. This time around we weren’t merely an oblivious pair of lunatics running around in circles without realizing the real case, no. This time around we were really, factually a properly-dating couple.

“Come, come…We have a lot to catch up with”

“I guess…” I muttered in a small voice and proceeded to make small steps towards him. I was feeling totally out of place and i tried to not to be too affected by the fact that Sung Gyu looked at me as though I were a Christmas pie that he was ought to devour on. I was on his side then, soon enough, sitting there and feeling like I was somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be, and the hair on my skin were raised and all of that. Suddenly I felt like I was concussed but then again, I had no way to have things undone. And I meant that in a purely literal sense. It was a difficult task to raise my head and look at him, but I did so anyway, feeling my cheeks burn in embarrassment, only to get caught up with his intense stare. It was as though he was melting me only by watching me, and this went on for a while too long. He staring at me, myself staring back, and our faces were closer than they had ever been, almost touching. And then he smiled.

“Did you read it?” He asked, completely out of the blue that I was a bit thrown and befuddled.

“Eh?”

“The letter” He said, sounding impatient. “Did you read it?”

I looked down at my hand, feeling a little shy and gave him a nod. “Yeah…”

“So what do you think?”

Honestly, with him watching me and owing to the sheer proximity we had, I could hardly think of anything about the letter so much as just stare at the intensity of his eyes and his smile; I couldn’t form a coherent word but stutter as though I had factually lost the ability to speak, my heart constricted and I was out of all the air to breath on.

“I...uh...It’s-its’s good and…uh…”

“Uh-huh” went Sung Gyu, smiling.

“And its-it’s romantic and…”

“Uh-Huh”

“And…and…”

I trailed off, unable to say anything any further. He was staring at me, yet again, smiling closely and his warm breath was against my skin. I could almost hear him breathing and mocking me inside his head, I tried to smile at him back because he was smiling, but I couldn’t, because he had already caught the curve of my neck with one hand, and then we were kissing. We were kissing hard, like we had never done so before, like we could never have enough of devouring ourselves. We kissed like we had our lives depending on it. His hands were everywhere; on my neck, around my waist, in my hair and so was my mind; shattered in pieces like it didn’t know where it should head onto. We’d only pull away to catch a breath when we had no more air to live on, and then we’d kiss again; desperate and long, in the utter silence where only the sound of our hushed voices uttering nonsense could be heard. At some point we got carried away; his hand was on my stomach, the other on the small of my back despite being bounded by the IV drip on his arm; I gripped onto that arm, tight, like I was struggling to catch the last of my breath. It was then that we pulled away again, and Sung Gyu, without thinking had his lips trailing wet, butterfly touches down my neck, his warm breath hovering on my skin and his hand moving upwards in a gentle touch. I caught my breath and upon sudden realization and with much effort, I managed to push him away. He moved back, enough to catch the insecurities in my eyes and sighed audibly before muttering to himself; “Jesus!”

I tried to laugh it off, but I couldn’t because the very movement which we escaped moments ago still had my breath taken away. “No that’s…”

He shook his head and placed his forehead against mine. “No I’m sorry…guess I got a bit carried away…”

I laughed again. “Well, you can’t be blamed…”

“Exactly” He whispered and touched my cheek. His hands were cold in a slight layer of sweat; he smelled of apples and aftershave and surgical spirit and cranberry pudding and it was nice, I loved it, and I wasn’t sure if I could have enough of him. I might as well devour him right then, that instant, I might as well bury myself inside the intoxicating scent of him and die a thousand million times; but I didn’t. All I could do was remain still; inhale and exhale, and just smile. He held my face for a while, and gradually, as I realized, was his smile faltering. “We’re going to be apart for so long…”

I widened my eyes upon the insight and pulled back the slightest. “You-you…know?”

He nodded, a sad smile gracing his lips. “They told me…just today…” A deep sigh. “Eunji…I don’t really know what they’re planning, but I-,”

Before he could say something negative, however, I held his hand in both of mine and gave the most encouraging smile I could ever muster and said; “It’s going to be all over now, it’s going to end…”

He didn’t reply immediately but remained silent, watching me, as though he was caught up in a moment where our minds connected; touched the slightest like a collision of clouds. After a while then, his hand reached up to my cheek. I leaned into the touch, my eyes not once leaving his and he said to me, his voice a whisper disappearing in the air between us. “Do me a favor?”

Being dense as I usually was, what he said did I interpret wrongly, and seeing what situation we were already in, without thinking further I reached over, placed my hand on his waist; he other on his neck and reached over to kiss him. Him, to my surprise happened to laugh awkwardly, put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me back gently. I was confused, because my brain was too weak and shattered to understand anything. I was confused of why he was laughing and why doubt was clouding up his eyes. I wanted to know what favor I was to do for him if not for that, but when he spoke, I realized where we were really headed on to.

The insecurities, I knew for a certainty, were coming, finally, between us; that what I feared the most.

“That’s not what I meant”

“Huh?” I went, confused.

“That isn’t what I meant, Eunji” He repeated quite firmly, and I noticed the flicker in his eyes. The flicker of qualm and fear. I wanted to hold his hand in mine and reassure him that everything was going to be fine, but I couldn’t bring myself to. Without knowing the exact reasons, I couldn’t.

Then he said, his voice low and dubious; “Eunji, check if my leg is there…”

I went silent, because I didn’t know it myself, and I was afraid to know the answers. I knew for a fact that he had his leg fractured in the accident, the one which got crushed between the dash-board and the seat, I knew that it was this injury which caused the loss of blood, I knew that there was the fearful question whether it should be cut off in order to stop the heavy bleeding and save his life; I didn’t know anything further than that one point. I was afraid to know. I was afraid of how I would react to it if anything happened in contradiction to my expectation, I was afraid of how Sung Gyu would react to it; however eventually, we both have come to that point. That point of clearing the doubt.

“Eunji, you heard me?” Sung Gyu said, bringing me back to my sane thoughts. I looked up and turned to face him. He was watching me intently, waiting; I could catch the fear in his eyes; his pupils widened and the veins on his temple were visible; green against pale. The tremble of his lower lip was eminent but I knew that I had to do it. I had to clear his suspicions and give him answers. I had to.

I nodded in response, once, twice, three times and with a deep breath I pulled away from him and walked to the edge of his bed. His eyes were fixed on me, tracing every move I was making; so once I had reached where I was supposed to reach, I placed my hand on where a sizeable lump was, one somewhat bigger than the other. I could feel something hard and firm underneath the comforter; for a moment I was taken by uncertainty, I wasn’t sure what I was feeling with my hand. What if they were tricking us? What if they were afraid of us finding out what the future held in store for us? I was afraid to know, but I wanted to. Thus, determination overpowering the fear, I reached the end of the mint green comforter and pulled it off in a haste. Only then I could breathe in relief; in, and out, in and out and I said in pure contentment; “It’s there…”

“Oh god, oh god, oh god…” Was Sung gyu’s reaction, followed by him slacking back onto the headrest and covering his face with both hands, shaking his head as though in disbelief. He wasn’t in disbelief that he still had his leg, no; he was in disbelief that he miraculously pulled through all that. On and on he muttered to himself like a mantra; what he did, I wasn’t sure of but he did anyway, still covering his face, his fingers turned pink, swaying back and forth like it would do any help to reduce his surprise. I was contented too, immensely. I was over the moon myself that I couldn’t help myself but run my hand over the thick white cement in glee like it was the Holy Grail and kiss it the slightest, allowing my lips to hover on the cloth for a while too long.

We settled down, alright, quickly enough and once again we were back to where we formerly were, sitting on the bed, staring at one another in delight. Sung Gyu took my hand, and rubbing at my skin the slightest, he said to me. “We aren’t that unlucky, are we?”

“We aren’t” I replied, and smiled. “I like that thought, we…us…”

Sung Gyu didn’t say anything, it was like he wasn’t exactly used to being in situations of the sort. It was understandable, given that he was in a romantic involvement after six years or so, thus I allowed him to have his ways. It wasn’t like I was romantically involved before, anyway; so I suppose we were giving it a good start. We kissed again a moment later; his hand s around me, smiling as he did. We were in a moment we hadn’t ever been in before, despite so much of time we spent together. While engulfed in his warm embrace, I thought back to the old days, the days when we didn’t know what exactly we were for each other. We loved, alright, secretly we both did, and certainly we both felt it, our hearts touched and entangled without us being aware. I didn’t know what felt better, thinking back now; whether loving each other in utter secrecy or opening up our hearts. Following this thought I realized that it wasn’t how and the way we loved which really mattered; we lived in a realm where everything changed, where everything stood on the edge, the brink of uncertainty; thus to me, as it happened, what really mattered was the very fact that we loved. The time passed, the world turned, we changed, the situations changed but love, our love, I suppose; through change will still remain the same as long as we had each other.

Myung Soo came around a moment later while we were at it that we had to pull apart and hide our reddened faces under the comforter to fight the embarrassment; however while we were busy convinced that he was going to complain about openly expressing love, whatever, though that wasn’t what we were doing anyway, he did something else instead. He simply walked over to me, grabbed my hand and dragged me out the room.

“Hyung is leaving tonight” Was what he said through his breath once we were out on the corridor.

I was rendered speechless for a moment, the taste of his lips, the tingling sensation of his touch on my skin still prominent all over me and all I could muster out was; “He is?”

“Met Woohyun on the way” Myung Soo said, breaking long breathers simultaneously as he spoke. “He told me…hyung…he’s leaving tonight…”

“But” I began quite doubtfully. “He doesn’t know…”

“He does” Myung Soo nodded vigorously as though desperate. “He knows, Eunji…”

“But he never…told me”

“He’s my brother, Eunji, what do you expect?”

“Oh…” I muttered and leaned onto the nearest wall. For a moment I didn’t know what I should be feeling; lost, relieved or angered for being unaware all throughout. My heart was raising, the beating of it I could hear in my ears and the shadow of Myung Soo before me was suddenly an overwhelming presence which dominated the uncertain fear once more. I didn’t know why I was afraid even, but suddenly I realized that it was the very fact of him leaving us, even for two, three months... Not the distance, not being pulled apart, not that it was all too sudden that I couldn’t take it. No. It was the fact that he’s leaving, the fact that I was to be left behind.

“He’s not…well yet, Myung Soo”

Myung Soo watched me for a moment, breathing hard, and said. “His leg you mean?”

I nodded.

Mung Soo walked over to me and placed both his hands on my shoulder. “It’s strange; while I’m so scared of being alone for another three months, Eunji, you’re scared of a leg he can’t walk with…”

“It’s not…”

Myung Soo nodded, his lips and nodded again, vigorously. “I know, I know….”

We were silent then, only the sound of the water dispenser and the footsteps of passers-by could be heard over the sound of our breathing and thoughts, hanging in the air like they had nowhere to go, like they weren’t certain whether they should reach him whom they were based upon. A moment later, we spoke at once, both Myung Soo and I.

“Myung-,” I began.

“I’ll-,” Said he and we both fell silent again before he pointed at the general direction of Sung Gyu’s room. “I’ll…Err…see hyung and come”

“Sure” I nodded, trying to swallow the thick lump in my throat with force. “Sure Myung Soo…”

While he was gone, I reached a nearby waiting chair and perched down to the one right next to the water dispenser. The evening had come around already and inside the confined space of the hospital we could hardly grasp it when the day changed. There was only a single window on the furthest corner, through which a clear white light seeped in, almost deceiving us to the beliefs of daylight. We were a good few feet above ground and the thin membrane of cloud was visible even to my distance; and while watching them move along the wind, I waited, I waited until Myung Soo returned.

Myung Soo returned after a while, his face red and head lowered, a gesture which immediately caught my concern. He sat on the chair beside me whilst I got up on my feet, and just when I thought I should be comforting him since he was strongly implying that he was all about to cry, he simply burst out laughing.

I pulled away the hand which was hovering by his shoulder, befuddled by is sudden outburst of laughter and stared at him, trying to find the threads of the entire ludicrous situation. “Err, Myung?”

He raised his hand and brushed me off before raising his head to look at me. “Go see Hyung”

The first thing I thought was that he had most possibly done something very less endearing to his brother. So I asked, quite concerned since the old man was sick on bed, “What did you do?”

The second was to think that the two of them were kidding me, which got my hopes up on the whole thing about him going abroad being totally fabricated, however for my utter disdain, what he said to me was “Go see Hyung, Eunji”

So the next moment I found myself standing at the foot of the opened door of his suit, eyes widened, staring at Sung Gyu drowning in endless hysterics. He was laughing and dying of embarrassment, it was so intense that he was hiccupping incessantly through his laughter. I was wondering to hell and back of what could possibly be this so funny while the moment was supposed to be deeply emotional. After much wonderment, I realized, there was an opened book on his lap.

“What’s going on?” I asked, interrupting, and Sung Gyu looked up at me, his eyes were almost nonexistent, yet he gestured towards me. “Look what I got from Myung”

“Myung?”

So that was what all the hysterics were about.

I walked towards his bed while he moved slightly to make room for me, and I made myself comfortable beside him while I allowed my eyes to feed the curiosity of my brain. What I happened to find there is a very pink and a very gay journal ; some kind of a friendship diary, filled with photos of a younger him and a younger Myung and captions about each of them written underneath.

“Look at what this little bastard has done!”

If not for the incessant hysterics of Sung Gyu, I would have found the situation incredibly heart-touching. It was heart-touching, indeed; despite the odds of it, and instantly I thought back to Myung Soo and what he told me about strangers. Myung Soo and Sung Gyu never started out as brothers; as what I remembered, Myung Soo was the abused little boy Sung Gyu helped with during his younger days, and now that one little acquaintanceship has escalated into something more prominent and stronger. Same was with me and Sung Gyu as well as with Myung Soo. Now that I see it, strangers certainly do happen to be such significant parts of our lives.

I didn’t laugh, though Sung Gyu seemed to find every inch of the journal so exceedingly funny. Instead of laughing I wondered of how such a little thing could have made him so delighted. I couldn’t remember the last time Sung Gyu had such a grand laugh. He was gloomy and dreaded for the past few days. Maybe this is what they say about how little things matter. What Myung Soo had done to him just now is very little, but that drags alongside of itself something greater, grander and significant.

“Memories” Sung Gyu suddenly said, as if he was answering to my thoughts. His laughing has quite ceased now, finally getting into the mood he was supposed to be in. His hand was on a photo of himself; chubbier with blazing red hair and an excessive lot of eyeliner. Despite looking like an overgrown baby, he looked just fine. There was Myung Soo beside him, a younger Myung Soo who looked no different from the Myung Soo now, surprisingly, and in his hands, held securely is something like a glass monument. I could see what it read immediately. It was a winners’ trophy from Underground. And their delight; the smiles read it all.

“Myung and I’ve grown with them you know…though we met late…”

“Hmm” I said, staring down at the photo. Under it was the caption reading “2010 august, Hyung’s tenth underground win. The loss of a bet, terrible hair, good luck keeping it for a year!”

“It is nice indeed…” I replied, since I realized that it’s relevant that I do so. “We live by them, don’t you think?”

“I think so too…like, when we die, we never die completely, right? We just leave a part of us behind…” Sung Gyu added, flipping a page where there were a few other photographs of Sung Gyu and Myung Soo and the blazing red hair. I stayed silent after what he said, and wondered if he was referring to his nearly-dead experience. My mind swiftly followed back to the moment where he lied almost lifelessly, only his eyes trying to communicate what his heart wanted to say. It was hard, indeed, to let my thoughts linger on those memories. However, though we despised to agree; not all memories can be kept neatly between pink pages of a journal and be laughed at. It wasn’t very pleasant to get into it anyway, and I suppose being emotional really wasn’t momentarily ideal, therefore I pointed at a photo of him, sitting on a pile of snow like a hobo with a whisk of wavy crimson hair atop his head. “Where is this from?”

“This?” He squinted at the caption and went “Ah” as if in realization. “This was in Japan. Yokohama, I guess? It was a college research trip, and I dragged the brat alone…”

“You look like a tie-dyed hamster” I said, mindlessly, noticing the flashing pair of two massive front teeth in the photo.

“A what?”

“A hamster…”

He laughed briefly and the proximity of our bodies made the vibration of his laughter transfer to my arms as well. “Why a hamster though?”

“Why not? Look at those teeth….and the jacket, so gay; you look exactly like a tie dyed hamster!”

He laughed again and s his hand behind me, “Now I feel like I want to kiss you…”

“Nope, not now, enjoy the journal, poor Myung Soo…”

He shrugged, as though in defeat and flipped to the next page which also had a whole lot of photos of Red-headed Gyu. I frowned at them and asked; “You really kept it for a year?”

He shrugged again and replied. “Wasn’t left with much of a choice. Despite looking ridiculous though, I kind of fancied it…”

“Suits you” I said, and gave a nod of approval. “What was the bet that you lost?”

He looked up, deep in his thought and smiled. “I made a bet that Noona’s twins were both girls.”

Before I could stop myself, I burst out in laughter. He looked at me in utmost shock, eyes widened and lips parted and everything, chuckled softly himself, and said; “I was the victim and I don’t find it so funny myself!”

I raised a palm dismissing him and finally gathered my composure before turning to him. “Just the heat of the moment” I said and cleared my throat. “But why would you bet that they were both girls anyway?”

“I don’t know, I just felt so…?” He said, flipping the next page, revealing a photograph of him and Myung Soo holding two tiny pink creatures wrapped in pink flannels. The very sight coming into sight was making the situation truly hilarious. I gripped onto his hand and laughed into his arm, embarrassed, and chuckling himself, Sung Gyu mumbled guiltily “Yes, I actually did the mistake of buying things for them too!”

So for the next few minutes we were laughing together, flipping through the journal and him telling me tales from the collection of memories Myung Soo has gathered. I was glad that we were having this moment and that Myung Soo found that one moment for me, given that Sung Gyu was to go abroad later on that day. During the course of this, I tried my best to not to think of the next few months I were to spend without Sung Gyu. He had become such a significant part of me, though the time we spent together was relatively short; however, during this train of thoughts I also realized that the distance would make our relationship stronger. The desperation, the earning and the space we desperately want to be filled; it only reassured to me that we wouldn’t allow our hearts to change its way, but only push them to hold on to even the last fiber we had of ourselves.

After moments of laughter, it slowly died down just as we reached the last page, where there was a photo of Sung Gyu and Myung Soo, a recent photograph where Sung Gyu was sitting up, skin paled but smiling nevertheless on the very same bed I was sitting on, Myung Soo by his side, and the caption underneath read; “I will miss you, Hyung…come back soon, I love You”

“I love you too” he mumbled like he couldn’t say so to his brother himself. I felt the atmosphere gradually changing, and wondered if it was the time when Myung Soo should come barging in; this moment, it wasn’t for Sung Gyu and me to share; it was more significant. It was for the two brothers. Though I had the immense urge to say this, I didn’t for nonetheless of the situation, I couldn’t bring myself to leave his side. Maybe I was being selfish, momentarily; but Myung Soo has had Sung Gyu by his side longer than I have ever had the opportunity to. So instead of saying anything, I laid my head on his shoulder.

“The nurses are coming in a while” Sung Gyu said in a failed attempt of pissing me off, and instead of getting upset I simply pressed more onto him, and he kissed my hair, his hand snaking behind me. For a while we remained this way; it was silent, but the silence was comfortable; it was the silence from the inside of his car on the day of his confession, the silence of his office room when we both wanted to hold onto each other but the time wasn’t allowing us to; it was the silence where we relied in each other’s embrace unconsciously and unknowingly. The silence where we both knew that this too, was a moment we both necessarily soughed after.

After a while then, Sung Gyu turned to me and called my name.

“Hmm?” I looked up to meet his gaze.

“I want you to do me a favor while I am gone”

I tried to read his eyes in hopes that I would find in them what he desired, but no, he wasn’t transparent enough for me to grasp anything, thus I urged him to continue.

“Eunji I…” he hesitated, a moment of silence; “I want-I want us to not to see each other during the time while I am gone”

“Not see each other?” I asked, confused. “What do you mean not see each other? Anyway we won’t be seeing much! Come to think of it, we won’t see very much at all! Like-,”

“Eunji?”

I stopped spluttering nonsense and gazed back at him. “What?”

“I mean it” He said, and counted off on his fingers. “Not on social media, not on DPs, especially not on skype or whatever, no video chatting…nothing beyond messages and phone calls…”

“But why?”

He gawked at me, looking flustered like I was being completely ridiculous while it was him who was being so and finally placed his hand on my shoulder. “Look at me”

I did, and all I saw was the man I loved.

So when he asked what I was seeing, I simply replied him with my honest thoughts. He sighed, smiled, hung his head, met my eyes once more and said to me in a voice so low that I could barely hear him; “But Eunji, this isn’t completely me, do you understand? I am….I am ruined, shattered and I want to get myself back together, put the pieces back together and be myself again…and for that I need time, Eunji…”

“But” I began, my voice too, sounding unnaturally small. “But why should I-?”

“Because I want to put the pieces back together and show you an all new me.”

“But how would not seeing each other help you in doing it?”

Then he pointed at his foot, his shoulders, his arms and his forehead where there were prominent remainings from the accident and gawked into my eyes as though in an attempt to relay the message to me. I stared back, trying to convince myself that that was what he meant and finally let out a shrug and shook my head. “I don’t know how helpful it may be but alright, alright…”

“You’ve got to trust me in this, Eunji…”

I sighed and met his eyes. “Do I have a choice?”

“No” He said with a smile and reached to cup my face with his free hand, “so, since we finished the journal, now…”

“Wait” I said, holding a hand up in alert. “What?” went Sung Gyu in surprise, and just as I opened my mouth to say what I was initially planning to, the cause itself stepped into the room. Surprise and confusion was embedded on Myung Soo’s face as he glanced at the both of us, back and forth, and slowly but surely his expression was taken over by something close to understanding and his lips curled into a smile.

“Saw it all?” He asked, his ears turning red in embarrassment.

“Saw it all” Sung Gyu answered with a smile and gestured his brother towards him. “Come here little bastard!” Myung Soo smiled and literally skipped his way towards the two of us before falling into Sung Gyu’s embrace. He pulled me in, as though I actually do deserve a spot there among them, and we laughed and we cried and we lived that one special moment of reconciliation like it actually completed our lives. Maybe it did, when I come to think of it. A best friend and a God-given boyfriend, there sure was nothing else I could possibly ask for. So I lived that moment, I let them to melt me into it. For a moment I knew that I belonged there, with them, in their world, and life without them…no, it wouldn’t have been a life.

Sung Gyu left to the states later that day, on the crack of the dawn and it was the two of us along with his mother who settled things out for him for the journey. He was put into a wheelchair, dressed casually and all the wounds treated; during the course of this I noticed how longingly Sung Gyu stared down at his injured leg, his eyes reddened as though he was suppressing his need to cry. I decided to give him some time alone, thinking he needed it to make up his mind to face his coming days with a firm grip on his life; we were still at the hospital at that time but just as I passed by him, he called my name, thus I had no choice but approach him in hesitant steps. Once I was kneeling before him expectantly, though I was expecting him to lunge towards me and hold me in his hands as expected, what he did was merely giving me a warm smile. But I could tell, by instinct that he was trying hard to not cry.

“You’ll be fine” I told him the first thing before he could tell me anything, and trying to force the heavy lump in my throat, I attempted to smile. “You’ll be fine, we both will be…”

He nodded, still smiling but I could see his lips faltering like it was difficult to keep up playing it alone for my sake. And I didn’t want him to. I wanted him to express, tell me the truth, let it all out without holding every little frustration inside him and leave with his heart behind. So without saying anything, I took his hand with the IV still attached, into mine.

“Don’t hold it all in, oppa…” I whispered, allowing my hands glide along the edges of the plaster on the back of his hands. “I-I do understand-,”

“No” He suddenly said, interrupting me, and those his voice cracked, I could see that he was trying. “No Eunji…I…I want to do this…it-it’s right….its’s important that I do this…”

“Don’t force yourself”

“I’m don’t” He said, shaking his head, “I don’t…I just” He sighed deeply then, hesitantly squeezing my hand in response and in took a long breath before looking up to meet my eyes. “I hurt you too much, Eunji, I shouldn’t have but I did, nevertheless-,”

“Don’t said that” I said, pleadingly and lightly squeezed his hand. “It shouldn’t be about me-,”

“It’s about us” He said, interrupting me, his gaze was deep and firm, looking right through me. “I want to…make it up to you, make you happy. Making you happy will only make me satisfied in return…but I can’t do that now…not like this…I…I want to be myself again…for you, and I need my time…”

I couldn’t help but smile then, though my tears were threatening to fall at the warmth of his words, I held on, because it mattered to me. As much as I wanted to hold him close and cry into his shoulder, tell him that I’d have him beside me despite everything, I knew better of myself. I believed in him, I trusted him, and I too, wanted him to return to me as the person he wanted to be for me. I knew that the few months he’d be away will be difficult to both of us, not seeing each other, not hearing each other, not feeling each other’s warmth, not getting to engulf ourselves in each other’s embrace; but we both knew that the mere physical connection wasn’t what which made us. Because he loved me before even he met me, and I knew that being apart, we will still be able to hold onto each other and still love.

Maybe this was a conquest, I thought, gazing back into Sung gyu’s eyes, not failing to grasp the message he inflicted to me without words. Pulling us apart was to prove it to the world that nothing was stopping us. Maybe this was what love was all about; breaking through the hardships and reaching out to the one we love.

I smiled at him then, still not daring the gaze he was holding on to, and before it was too late, I leaped up and buried my face in the warmth of his chest. Promptly his hands wrapped around me, embracing me closer and I closed my eyes, living he moment with overwhelming emotions. It was going to be a difficult ride, I knew, but beautiful, nevertheless.

“I love you”

Until next time…

“I’ll wait for you”

Life was busy, sorry for taking too long. Enjoy!

Loads of love,

Achini

PS- Not the final chapter, next will be the last.