I was ten or so at that time, I remember, and there was this strange kid in our elementary school back in Busan. He was skinny, small and had eyes which seemed bloated weirdly and cheeks flushed pink. He had a walking disability too, which made things stranger, and he used to walk by the help of a cane. I can’t exactly recall his name though, but I remember us calling him Gogolise; that variety of fish who had a pair of sleepy eyes jutting out of his face.

This kid was silent, and isolated himself most of the time. I’ve caught him sitting in a corner of the play area, reading or drawing while we climbed endlessly over the monkey bard; we couldn’t understand why he wasn’t friendly at all, however people neglected him in spite of the way he dressed and the ragged old bag and seemingly used stationary he owned.

Sung Jong and I were the notorious pair at school back then; despite him looking quite like a girl, people adored him for his talent of planning disasters, a talent inherited from his father, I suppose, who worked as a landscape artist for movie sets; and I was the one who executed them. Kids would come running after us to play games or play pranks on others as revenge plans. We too, had our utmost attention on the strange kid.

One day, along with the rest of the kids, we decided to give him good memories which he would never forget. As the rumor said, he was afraid of the dark. The teachers loved him so, that they hardly ever kept the classroom in darkness; thus we took this fact as a perfect strategy to bully him; one time during spring, I remember, it was raining hard. Kids were huddled in corners, talking about ghosts and Sung Jong and I found the perfect moment to execute the plan. Since it was dark, Sung Jong went and asked the strange kid if he could come to the boys’ with him. When they went, I followed suite. A moment later, Sung Jong came bursting out of the boys, and we turned the lights down from the outside.

The entire corridor filled with an ear-pitching scream.

The next day, the teachers put us on detention and asked to apologize the kid who had to stay home for two days in spite of the trauma he got. I felt terrible, really, remembering how he looked like when we brought him out of the boys’. Later that day, he came to school with his mother.

And that was when I realized, we had been seeing him just so wrong.

His mother looked elegant, and yes, she seemed rich yet calm and loving. The boy kept holding onto her hand while the other gripped his cane; Sung Jong and I were terrified.

Because he was apparently the richest kid of our school.

We though they would punish us and expel us from school. Both he and I were on the verge of crying when the boy, with a little smile approached us and told us that everything was just fine.

He left school, was taken into home schooling and we stopped playing pranks since. Because we learned our lesson, because we learned it that we shouldn’t look down upon how people dress and behave because no matter what, they could be hiding a story behind it.

That was why my father had always advised me to not to judge the book by its cover.

As Sung Gyu and I rode off to his house in utter silence, I couldn’t help it but wonder why he lived with a stranger in a dingy little down town apartment, driving a car which didn’t exactly show the status he belonged to. Sung Gyu was so…simple, ordinary, never bragged of what he owned, and I figured, he hadn’t wanted anyone else to know it, the reason why Myung Soo always had kept this part out of the story. I glanced at his hand which rested on the steering wheel, he didn’t wear a single golden ring like those chaebols in dramas did. His suit was simple and neat, his mannerisms were gentle, as though he never wanted to be what he already was.

I thought of that time when the taxi driver effortlessly took him in. Was it that everyone knew who he was? I thought of the time when Underground held for him a performance in the middle of the month, was he that special? I thought of that time when he was given a VIP suite in the hospital, was he that…important?

The worse thing is that I never was able to grasp these simple details to figure out what he had been hiding from the entire world.

“Why are you silent, Eunji-Ssi?” Sung Gyu asked, after a while sounding quite confident. He hit the road after giving me the massive shock about him being the CEO of SK C and C, one of the biggest multinational IT leaders of the country, and we were driving along in utter silence which we both found extremely uncomfortable.

I finally found my voice to speak. “So you’re a big guy eh?”

He chuckled. “Why, is that a bad thing?”

“And you’re hell rich…”

He took a quick turn to the right and smiled. “No…I just have wealth…”

I scoffed. “Isn’t that good enough?”

“I don’t know…”

I remained silent then, for another five minutes, we drove in silence, and I was thinking about what he just said. Wasn’t he just so modest? My heart skipped a beat at the idea. Wouldn’t that make him an ideal husband?

I almost slapped myself. What on earth I was thinking?

“Hey, Sung Gyu-Ssi…” I called out, glancing up at him.

“Yeah?”

“You’re rich…”

He laughed. “Okay, if you want to say so”

I took a moment to contemplate and smiled to myself. Sung Gyu was extremely troll-able.

“Will you go out with me?”

He was silent for a moment. “Eh?”

“Will you go out with me?”

There was silence, yet again, and I felt the beating of my heart by my ear.

“You asked me because I’m rich?”

“Yes”

He laughed. “Then no…”

I laughed in return.

Sung gyu’s house, just as I imagined it to be, was quite ordinary with a massive lawn. The house was situated on the top of what seemed like a hill, on the either sides of the path to which, were lines of cherry blossom trees. This being the spring, the stone steps were blatantly covered of the soft pale pink petals; the trees themselves made the path to seem as though it was the pathway to wonderland. I closed my eyes, enjoying the soft breeze while standing by the foot of the stairs and inhaled a long breath of the scent of cherry blossoms. It was soothing, it calmed my mind.

We climbed up the stairs, Sung Gyu being careful enough by hovering his hand behind my back incase I tripped like a clumsy old woman, and while going so, he explained to me why Woohyun wasn’t coming; the fact that he wasn’t coming, since he was looking forward to see me in the dress he bought for me, truly broke my heart. Why it happened to be that way hurt me more so. Apparently he had gotten into a road accident.

“That bastard. I always tell him to not ride that bloody scooter, he would never listen!” Sung Gyu scolded after he had explained to me what really happened. “That kid…he was…really excited for tonight…to meet you again”

My heart skipped a beat and Sung Gyu turned to give me a smile. “I think he really likes you”

I looked down at my feet, my cheeks burning in embarrassments. Honestly, I didn’t know how it would feel like to be loved than be in love, since I had had the experience only with Howon, in which case I never saw him as more than my best friend. But when those words escaped Sung Gyu’s lips, thousand sentiments began twirl and muddle in my mind. A mixture of sentiments. I thought of Myung Soo, I thought of Woohyun, I thought of Sung Gyu and Naeun, I didn’t know what to feel anymore.

“Oh, and you would be Woohyun’s date, still, okay? I’m just…accompanying you behalf of him…besides, I’m sorry, I won’t be around much…you understand me, hmm?”

I nodded, feeling hollow inside. Of course I couldn’t expect anything more than that. This was Kim Sung Gyu, the later declared CEO of SK C and C Kim Sung Gyu who was apparently going out with one of the prettiest girls of the vicinity; of course he would only be accompanying for the night.

I suddenly felt lonely, and I wanted to go home.

Yet, with much hesitancy, I managed to ask; “What about…you? Your date? Naeun?”

He stopped dead on his track, and turned to face me. “What?”

I shrugged. “Why, I know you’re dating the beautiful Song Naeun, Sung Gyu-Ssi…”

Or a moment, there was a definite silence on his part, and after a while, he burst out laughing.

I was confused. What on earth was wrong with him?

“Eunji-ah…did you really think…? Aigoo”

I raised my hand to hit him but then again, dropped it since it didn’t feel right. “I saw you that day with her!”

“I know, I know” Sung Gyu yielded, still sounding amused. “And that’s a dumb way to assume, Eunji”

“Eh?”

He cleared his throat the, and turned to my direction. “Hear me out now; Eunji-Ssi…I am not going out with Song Naeun”

“Then what were you doing with her that day!”

“Hey, I know her, okay? That doesn’t me we’re going out! We went to that bookshop in front of Sung Yeol’s to find one of those books she needed for college, that’s all…besides, I would never go out with her even if I wanted to…”

“Why?” I asked, without really intending to. He gulped, looked closely into my eyes before he replied; “I’m not interested in her…I won’t ever be”

A splash of relief rushed over me, but I noticed, Sung Gyu’s eyes had never left mine.

“What?”

He shook his head. “Nothing…just…” He sighed. “Let’s go on…they must be waiting”

Halfway up the stairs, Sung Gyu led me through a narrow pathway which eventually led me to an elegantly maintained lawn. Just as how it was up the stone staircase, there was a line of cherry trees surrounding the greenery, the grass was almost invisible, covered with the softest pink petals. On a side of the lawn was a pair of opened French window. The exterior was simple but elegant with simple white walls, white wooden windows and a line of petunias planted on the either sides. There was a slight breeze passing by, the lamp which lightened the lawn flickered after long intervals. All in all, it was truly a pacifying place.

I took a deep breath before he led me inside.

The interior of the house was no different from the exterior. Everything was elegant and white, as though it was living in an eternal winter. The furniture were fine and simple, yet there were several modern ornaments kept then and there; one thing which I significantly noticed was that there weren’t many photographs except for one; one in which, the entire family posed; and what made it strange was that even Myung Soo was there with the rest of them.

And it was then that it occurred to me;

My blood ran cold; and I turned to Sung Gyu for reconfirmation.

“Sung Gyu-Ssi…is this…a family occasion?” I asked in almost a whisper.

“More or less, yes” He said with a nod.

I suddenly wished I could dematerialize into thin air. “Then…Myung Soo?”

Empathy gradually dawned upon him thus he stared down at me for a long while, as though waiting for what I had to say. Honestly I was tired of being myself. I was too ignorant, I was too slow, and I took longer than it should take to comprehend certain things which eventually and constantly land me into trouble. Which would also, doubtlessly, ruin me in the end.

“I want to go home” Eventually I said.

He stared at me even longer and sighed in exasperation. “Eunji…please…”

I shook my head. “I can’t Sung Gyu-Ssi, I just can’t!”

“But you can’t run away from this forever!”

“Don’t you understand?” I hissed, a massive lump of guilt and fear was stuck in my throat. “Don’t you know how he is?”

“I perfectly know how he is, and I do understand, Eunji, this is such a simple matter, you’re just making things worse”

I stared up at him, at the sincerity of his eyes. Truthfully he was making sense, it was just a simple matter of trust and belief; if I told him the truth without making things any worse, he might understand. Although he would be mad at me for hiding it from him and for actually not being able to recognize him, he would get over it along the time, for he would still be able to restore the trust in me. But if I refused, this would become a wholly different matter.

But I couldn’t explain him those things now. Not today, not dressed like this, not being labeled as Woohyun’s date. What would he be thinking then? Woohyun wasn’t here, and I was here, dressed like this, at a family occasion of his being a total stranger. What would he think I was doing?

“No, not today” I said, walking away from him; he didn’t seem to give up though that he followed suite.

“Why not today? Eunji, Would you stop this nonsense!?”

I stomped my foot and turned around. “What nonsense? Don’t you get it? I can’t be here dressed like this! I can’t tell him you brought me here! I can’t tell that I’m Nam Woohyun’s freaking date!”

And I realized that I just went too far, almost giving away something which was too precious for me to let him know. The air between us suddenly became thick, almost suffocating; the silence was undesirable and all that I wanted to do was disappear from this claustrophobic moment to never return. I could almost feel his eyes on me, grave and unmoving, he was making it even worse; did he just grasp it what was wrong in all actuality? Did he catch the desperation in my voice and misery in my tone?

Did he grasp it that the reason why I couldn’t lose his trust, the reason why I couldn’t face him as how I was now, the reason why he couldn’t know all that had happened was actually because I liked him? Because I liked Kim Myung Soo?

When I couldn’t remain in the suffocating ambiance anymore, I proceeded to make it to the greenery once more. The night had fully approached, the breeze scented sweeter, but I was too afraid to remain there anymore. I was simply an ignorant fool.

Yet, he never seemed to give up.  Seconds later I felt his hand grasping mine, making my heart beat harder and he began to lead me back into the house with grim determination just when;

“Hyung! Hyung, Naeun she-!”

I froze into the moment upon hearing the familiar voice,

And upon hearing the familiar name.

Myung Soo emerged then, from the opened French windows, his features darkened, eyes widened, and for my utter disdain, Naeun followed suit, her hand clasped in his; looking as beautiful as she would always would.  Myung Soo looked at me, then at Sung Gyu, then at Sung Gyu’s hand which held mine, then back at me with an eccentric look clouding his eyes; an expression which I had never in my life have seen him sport.

I too looked at him, at Naeun and at his hand which tightly held on to hers. My heart stopped, tears gradually filled in my eyes as realization dawned on me.

The reason why he had always been reluctant to tell me the truth; the reason why Sung Gyu acted strange towards it, the reason why he would never see me as a little more than a friend.

Kim Myung Soo was dating Song Naeun.

I wished I could drown into oblivion and never return;

Because he had lied to me. After all these time when I had struggled over my life to keep his trust, he had lied to me, he had taken my trust as granted, the trust of him I had in me as granted, I, Jung Eunji entirely as granted and lied to me.

I couldn’t face him anymore; my heart was in so much of pain that I could never face him anymore.

Feeling tears struggling to fall down my cheeks, I looked up at the sky, avoiding the three pairs of eyes focused on me. The night was cold, the sky was clear yet I couldn’t find a single star through my blurred eyes. In fact, it had been years since I last let my eyes form tears. Myung Soo had made me cry. I was so embarrassed, I felt so wasted, I had wasted my very first love thus I wanted to disappear and never come back.

But all before I could turn around and make my way back home, Sung Gyu, surprising me and making my heart skip a beat, held my hand tighter, and began to drag me away from the greenery where we stood, down the path, a few steps down the staircase until we’ve reached another turn which was lit by moonlight; a single stone bench remained with a broken lamppost on a side. All through this, he didn’t speak a word but gently made me sit and stood away from me.

It took me more than I intended to, to realize that I was wasting another’s time. Not just another, the time of a man who had now come to make an important step in his life.

I looked up to see him gently looking down at me.

“Sung Gyu-Ssi…”

“Hmm?”

I forced out a smile. “You should go…I will be fine”

He shook his head and stepped towards me. “I can’t….I can’t leave a crying lady just like that, can I?”

I couldn’t reply, for the vision of Myung Soo holding Naeun’s hand kept on coming into my muddled up mind, and all I needed to do was cry harder.

And all through that, why was Kim Sung Gyu being so kind to me?

Before even I could say anything, he approached me and lowered to the ground before me. My heart skipped a beat at the little distance between us. I could easily catch the scent of apples of him over the sweetest scent of cherry blossoms, the warmth he emitted was soothing and lovely; the grave yet gentle stare of him was inevitable; I looked up and locked my eyes with his.

“I’m sorry…” He finally whispered in the end. “I’m sorry…I didn’t think…it would turn out this way….”

I shook my head. “It’s not your fault. I had always been stupid…slow, weak and ignorant….I-,”

He reached out and took my hand. “Don’t underestimate yourself Eunji….what will make of you if you keep on looking down on yourself?”

“But I can’t…I’m so…dumb…I can’t even handle myself”

“Be brave” He said, gently squeezing my hand. “You’re not alone in this world, there are so many people looking out for you, Eunji…for their sake, be brave”

“But look at me, here I am, a pathetic wreck who can’t even control her emotions, and you’re here wasting your time-”

He shook his head. “I’m not wasting my time…I’m putting it into good cause…I’m keeping a big step ahead of my life, Eunji…you know that, and for the very reason….I want you here, to witness it with a smile. Can you do that? Hmm? Can you be a brave girl and do that for me?”

I stared at him for a moment, into his eyes which held the gleam from the light which came from his house above. There was a gentle smile playing on his face; he was genuine, nevertheless; and despite all the mixed emotions I was going through; I felt secured, as though I was being held in someone’s warm embrace.

As though I was being held in his warm embrace.

“Stay until the end…hmm? I want you to. And afterwards we’ll go somewhere, there’s someone waiting for you”

My heart skipped another involuntary beat before I asked; “W-Woohyun?”

He nodded. “Yeah, he’d been looking forward to see you for days…so can you hold on? I promise I will make it up to what I did today”

I slowly shook my head, tears were still falling down my eyes. “You don’t have to…it’s not your fault”

He ignored me. “You’re still crying”

I didn’t reply but remained in utter silence, basking myself in the warmth of his; it felt so reassuring, yet again surreal; as though I never wanted to escape it.

He stared up at me for a while, then reached into his blazer, finally pulling out a clean white handkerchief. I noticed, it was another one with the embroidered Chinese calligraphy. That riddle which he had left for me to solve.

“Here” He whispered, forcing it into my hand. “I’m sorry I’m being selfish right now, but I wish you would stop crying…You look the best when you smile, Eunji”

My heart stopped, I held the handkerchief in midair and stared down at him, trying to figure out the eccentric signals that my heart kept giving me.

“Woohyun, he loves it when you smile…”

And it stops, the weird feelings in the pit of my stomach, being replaced by something hollow. I didn’t know why exactly I felt that way, in fact, it’s not of me to feel that way at all. I was being too desperate, I was being pathetic and expecting more than I really should.

I looked down at the handkerchief which was now dampened of my tears and forced a smile. “I still have the handkerchief from before…Sung Gyu-Ssi….”

He laughed. “If you keep on getting into trouble, you would make a whole collection of them”

“Well, I hope that wouldn’t happen, you would run out of hankies to clean your nose”

“That’s true” He said and laughed once more before he climbed up on his feet. “Are you better now?”

I nodded. “Hmm”

“Let’s go then?”

“Yeah” I said, feeling nervous and out of place before climbing up on my feet. “They must be waiting”

The occasion was formal; consisted of speeches and professional discussions. We were served of champagne and I sat with a set of obnoxious girls who wordlessly judged me from the beginning to end. I avoided having to come across Myung Soo at all costs, and ignored even when Naeun went by with an apologetic smile. True, I shouldn’t act cold towards Naeun who apparently knew nothing about this, I hated her nevertheless, because she was so perfect, because she always got the best of everything.

Sung Gyu was declared to be the CEO of SK C and C, and he gave a speech on taking responsibilities and running a large scale company with a humble yet a sincere heart. I felt my heart beating at its highest rate all through this, watching him without letting my eyes move once; his intellectuality drew me towards him so badly. In fact I have always had a thing for intellectual men; Myung Soo, I figured I fell for because he had such a way with words. I realized, watching his brother (Or his previous tutor) where he had been influenced from. Myung Soo gave a speech too then, which made me extremely nervous. He was quite honest, telling how Sung Gyu accepted him as his own brother after years of tutoring since young days, and how it changed his life entirely. He also talked about him, how he followed his father’s words diligently and how he took up the responsibility of his father for the entire family after he fell sick; how he got first class honors in Information systems from SNU and went to states to enter Harvard to complete his masters; all through this, I had a mixture of strange feelings; I was nervous, wishing Myung Soo wouldn’t catch my eyes, and I was happy that Sung Gyu made such a massive step in his life, I was afraid because he was someone who didn’t sound like someone who should be involved with me in any possible way; and I was proud, because Sung Gyu was perfect, he was simply perfect as a man.

After the formal proceedings, his mother, who was a pleasant but an elegant lady with the exact eyes as Sung Gyu himself invited all the guests for dinner. We were yet again led to another green lawn which was quite bigger than the other two I saw, was lit up with a several lamp posts and round tables with candles. I found myself a comfortable seat in a corner, being steer clear of the judgmental eyes of the obnoxious women. While the others indulged themselves with the sophisticated serving of a buffet, I sat back and waited.

Sung Gyu came to me after a while, with a smile and two glasses of champagne.

“How is it going? I’m sorry I couldn’t be around…”

I accepted the drink he was offering me and shook my head. “It’s just fine Sung Gyu, it’s your day so I perfectly understand”

“Aren’t you getting dinner yet?”

I looked at the line of guests. “It’s quite crowded there…”

“Right” he said, following my eyes. “But feel free to serve yourself well, Eunji-Ssi…”

I nodded with a smile. “Of course, I will keep that in mind”

Sung Gyu’s parents came around after a while, when they noticed Sung Gyu conversing with me with gentle smiles on their faces. Sung Gyu’s father was the exact resemblance of him although he had inherited his eyes from his mother; I liked them from the first glance since they seemed so reliable and kind; I climbed up on my feet when they approached us. Sung Gyu stepped back with a smile.

“Ah, Omma, Appa…”

I noticed, he wasn’t referring to his father as ‘Abeoji’ as I had seen chaebols doing in dramas.

“Sung Gyu-ah…who is this young lady here?” His mother asked, eyeing me with a gentle smile, which I returned.

“Hello, I’m Jung Eunji” I presented myself, to which Sung Gyu added. “She’s a close friend of mine, Omma…Myung Soo’s batch mate too…She’s Woohyun’s date for tonight but since he couldn’t make it…”

His mother chuckled. “I see…Woohyun has always had a good choice in girls” She said, looking closely at me. “You better entertain her well, Sung Gyu-ah….she would feel lonely otherwise”

Both I and Sung Gyu ventured an awkward laughter.

“By the way, Sung Gyu” Said his father, after remaining silent for a long while. “One of the guests asked for you, he’s willing to invest on the new project…”

“Of course, appa…” He replied smiling and turned to me. “I’m sorry Eunji, I will get back to you soon okay?”

“Okay” I said with a smile.

“Until then, please do feel free to serve yourself”

The dinner consisted of an array of dishes starting from the traditional Korean dishes to western; I decided to go for more lighter consumables since I felt quite uncomfortable to eat sitting among the high class crowd the way I usually would; as how Myung Soo would comment ‘Pig style’. A several old ladies sat in the same desk as me, discussing mundane matters as would the rich housewives; several actually called me pretty which made me pretty uncomfortable. One actually asked what relationship I had with Sung Gyu to which, sticking to the story I answered that I was his best friend’s date who couldn’t make it to the dinner since he met with a road accident.

After dinner I secluded myself from the crowd and retraced my path back to the narrow lawn which had the stone bench from before. The chattering and the noise from the dinner above diminished the further I went, and once I had reached the lawn, all that I could hear was the soft rustling of the branches around and the sound of my own breath. The wind was humid and sweet, the stone shined under the moonlit sky, cherry blossoms floated by gently and landed on the grass without a sound. Despite the heaviness in my heart and in my throat, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I could hear the rustling ever so clearly, through that though, I could hear another. The soft panting of someone, followed by the sound of footsteps on stone. I held my breath and fluttered opened my eyes, only to witness Myung Soo standing at the edge of the lawn, glaring down at me.

I stood up, all about to escape. My heart beating at its highest rate in my throat. How did he know where I was? Did he follow me by any chance?

“Eunji” He called; I settled to not reply and lowered my head. “Eunji” He repeated, stepping towards me. “I think we need to talk”

Myung Soo and I stood at the edge of the lawn in between two cherry trees, breathing in the sweet scent of the blossoms, looking out at the buildings which stood silently in their own solidarity. It was as though they were inhabited, those sophisticated houses of seemingly rich people and I suddenly felt so small. I wondered if this was the reason why Myung Soo and Sung Gyu lived in the urban city despite the crowd and the bustling surrounding; maybe they too, found it a lot comfortable than living in a solitude area where you could hear the sound of your own breath.

Myung Soo had his hands buried in his pockets, his hair moved gently along the wind; moonlight had casted soft ripples on his porcelain skin. He was beautiful, and it hurt me more; because I couldn’t come to trust him anymore.

After a while, he took a deep breath and turned to me. “Eunji…explain to me everything without making things worse”

I stared ahead, my throat constricted and I could hardly take in a breath. In fact, I didn’t want to speak. I didn’t want to speak at all.

“Is it important now?”

He became impatient, it was evident in his eyes.  “How is it not important?”

“It isn’t” I said, keeping my voice steady. “Because we’re even now. You his something from me, I hid something from you…it’s even”

There was a brief period of silence between us during which I realized, he was trying to restrain himself from throwing a fit, before he finally spoke. “How long has it been?”

“I don’t remember” I said without much care.

“You don’t remember! Eunji, whatever do you remember? Why do you keep on doing that?”

I stayed silent.

“Why did you keep it from me, why didn’t you tell me? I know you, and I’m certain if you knew, you would have told me!”

I went on being silent because I had no strength to speak.

“You didn’t know…did you? I know you perfectly well, Eunji, You couldn’t recognize that it was Hyung, could you? Am I not right?”

My blood went cold. Of course it was the reason, and Myung Soo had always been the smart one to figure things out before me having to elaborate things; it scared me, always; I had forever been on the edge of losing his trust and my sanity, and if I lose his trust now, tonight, I wouldn’t care, strangely, I didn’t want to; for I knew that he had been nothing but selfish, taking it all as granted. Then why did he want me to recognize his brother? Why did he want me to report everything I had to do with him to him? What responsibilities was I bounded with when he didn’t care for them at all? If he trusted me so, he should have told me too. If he knew perfectly well, he should also know how I felt about Naeun and how I felt about him. But now regarding his conduct, wasn’t it all the more evident that all that he had been giving to me was disregard, ignorance and taking as granted?

Then why would he call me his best friend? In fact, I had never been so. I never wanted to be so.

“Does it matter?” I screamed back, holding back my tears with all the power I could muster. “Yeah, I didn’t know if it was him, I couldn’t recognize, and still I enjoyed spending time with him….do you know why? Because I could trust him a lot more than I could trust you, although he was a stranger to me. I didn’t have to worry about forgetting things or getting things wrong and disorganized. Do you know why? Because he doesn’t care as you would!” I scoffed and made a step towards him. “You say that you know me perfectly well, but what do you know? What do you?”

“Shut up, Eunji”

“You egoistic fool! I trusted you nevertheless. You say you know me perfectly well, and all that you care to see is what’s negative about me, all you care to do is making me feel miserable”

“I never did that!” He shot back.

I made a quick laughter. “You didn’t? Well, look back and see then, Myung Soo….what’s more significant? Me forgetting things because of who and what I am? Or is there something more?”

He looked confused, and that made it evident that my secret likeness towards him remained secured.

“What are you talking about!?!”

I smiled and stepped away. “Forgetting things is much much better, Myung Soo….it’s just a slip of mind…but if one ignores things, if one neglect things and takes them as granted, it’s much much a worse case scenario”

He rolled his eyes. “What the hell are you getting at?”

“You’re dating Naeun and you kept it from me” I pointed out.

He scoffed. “Yeah right, and you’re dating hyung, and you kept it from me!”

I widened my eyes. So that was what he interpreted it as? That I never told him because I was dating his brother?

If I ever thought he was observant and smart, I decided to take it back. Did he actually think that I would be the same as him to keep things from him? Did he really think I purposefully ignored having to tell him because I dated his brother?

I truly wanted to laugh at his gullibility, yet, for the moment, I decided to keep up with his assumptions. For all that he had done to hurt me, I too had all the rights to hurt him back, if it actually did hurt him.

“Yeah” I said. Stepping away. “And that’s what which makes us even now”

“I thought I could trust you, Eunji…but I had been wrong”

I laughed. “Oh really? Well I know you never trusted me, Myung Soo. All I had been for you is someone to whom you can pour all your worries to satisfy yourself….you were using me. If you ever trusted me, wouldn’t you too have told me about Naeun? Wouldn’t you have?”

“Maybe I never could, because you’re so ignorant, and dumb enough to forget people, people for god’s sake!”

I stepped further away from me, tearing streaming down my cheeks. It hurt me, it hurt me so that I actually cried like never before. It had been ages since I last cried. I grew to hold my wits once I had my mental instability cured; and now he had made me cry.

“I never looked at you as my best friend, Myung Soo…” I told him as I stepped away. “You never was. You were nothing but the guy I sat with…nothing more...”

With that said, I retreated my way back through the stone path to the staircase, tears falling down my cheeks. Although I wanted to stay back and wait until the end as Sung Gyu had wanted me to, I couldn’t. I couldn’t make myself to, because I was in so much of pain after I lost something that I had always held so close to my heart. He was my first love, he was precious to me, yet despite all that, he hurt me to the core.

No matter how much he could easily catch the negative aspects of me, he could never see what I was doing for him, what I had for him.

I made it to the staircase in hurried footsteps, eyes focused on my feet, but stopped in the middle when I ran into someone. My head throbbed with all the tears I had shed; yet all through that, I could easily recognize the scent of apples. I had never felt so wretched and gullible in my life. Without a moment of hesitation, I buried my face in his chest and cried.

Sung Gyu held me in his arms then, slowly caressing my back, whispering to me on and on that everything would be just fine. It made me cry even harder; his warmth, his voice and the soothing scent of him. He held me close for so long, despite the cold air around and the occasion we were in. However, a strange feeling was roaming on the back of my head as though we were being watched.

As though Kim Myung Soo was watching us.

“So you are going to make that collection, eh?” Sung Gyu asked jokingly as the two of us sat on the staircase, me wiping my damp face with the handkerchief he gave me before, him watching me with gentle eyes. He didn’t return even after I had gained my posture, saying that it was all his fault and that he should make up to it somehow.  I didn’t want him to waste his time on me, truly, because he was not in the position to be involved with someone lowly and down casted as me, but he wouldn’t even budge, telling that he wished I would treat him as I would treat an ordinary guy. Well Sung Gyu was ordinary for me, as a person yet pretty extraordinary as a rich company owner chaebol. He was confusing me.

“Seems like all my handkerchiefs are going to go for your waterworks”

I laughed and hit him lightly on his arm. “Oh shut up! It’s better than them being wasted on your snot!”

He too laughed in return, stood up and held his hand out to me. “Come on...”

I hesitated, looking down at his hand.

“No, we’re not going back inside” He said, as though he understood what I meant.

“Eh?”

He smiled. “We are going to meet Woohyun, and make you feel better”

I stood up and agreed to it then, taking his hand. But to be honest, I didn’t feel if seeing Woohyun would make me feel any better.

We made it down the staircase in utter silence, basking ourselves in the soft wind of the night. It was calming, truly, after the entire ordeal with Myung Soo, being with Sung Gyu was utterly soothing my mind.

When he fished out his car keys and made it to his vehicle, I shook my head and declined. “No…we’ll walk”

He looked down at my feet and then at my face questioningly. I shrugged. “I want to feel the fresh air and kill time”

He shrugged too. “Okay…but it will be a long walk to the town”

I smiled. “Alright”

“Then don’t complain if your heals are killing you”

Just as he said, the walk to the town was a stretch of a walk; no matter for how long we went, the road never seemed to end. There were loads of trees in the area, I noticed, and houses as big as Sung Gyu’s with no walls but massive greeneries and mountain tops. The air was cold, scented of damp earth. The sky was clearer though, we could almost see the stars.

Sung Gyu had his hands buried in his pockets while I clutched my bag tight, trying to ignore the cold win which was hitting me. I was trying my best to ignore the painful signals my heart was giving me. Thinking of Myung Soo was making things impossible; yet I doubted it. After all, I didn’t think I would dare to love him and feel the pain once more.

Woohyun was a good person nevertheless; and it was evident that Sung Gyu was trying to set me up with him, which wasn’t at all a good thing, which wasn’t at all a bad thing either. Woohyun was effervescent, witty and kind. He could understand a girls’ heart perfectly well, and seemed so reliable. The very smile of his was gentle, yet beautiful. He could make a girl’s heart flutter without even trying, he knew just where he needed to touch to make a girl fall head over heels for him.

Not that I was head over heels for him, no. But I could assure that whoever the girl who would be, was very lucky to be loved.

We approached the city after a thirty minute walk, and once we made it to the brightly lit street where it was bustling with nightlife, Sung Gyu swiftly took off his blazer and made me put it on.

“I’m not cold, really” I said once he had securely buttoned it up. It was too big for me no matter how impeccable it was on his built. With a satisfied look on his face, Sung Gyu stepped back.

“It’s not that….” He said and cleared his throat. “People could…see a little too much than necessary”

“Oh” was all I could manage, feeling my cheeks heat up. I couldn’t help but marvel at how observant he was, and at the very thought my heart beat harder.

“We’ll go see if we could visit Woohyun at this time” Sung Gyu said, taking my hand by my wrist. It was nice, when we held hands, no matter how strange the situation might be. He led me to the bus stop, and we climbed into the very next bus which came.

The bus wasn’t that crowded since it’s quite late at night. However those who were in the bus gave us both strange looks, probably because of the way we were dressed; but I didn’t mind, I didn’t feel uncomfortable. Being around Sung Gyu somehow made me feel a lot better about myself.

We rode in silence, listening to the occasional chatter inside and to the sound of our breathing. He had his hands clasped on his lap, staring ahead while I glanced at him then and there, trying my best to only focus my eyes at the streetlights passing by.

Once we got down, Sung Gyu pulled out his phone and dialed Woohyun’s number.

“Woo, are you asleep?” He asked, glancing at the road as a car whizzed by.

“Oh? Oh is that so…”

“Will it be a problem if Eunji and I come by? Hmm…okay, okay then….tomorrow, for sure…yeah…oh okay…rest well then. Good night”

Clicking his tongue, Sung Gyu pushed back his phone into his pocket and turned to me. “The visiting hours are over it seems…since its past nine o’clock”

I was quite disappointed, honestly. I was hoping to see him too.

“He asked me if I could bring you alone tomorrow…would that be fine, Eunji-Ssi?”

I pondered for a moment and finally nodded away. “Yeah…I’d be fine…” I turned to him. “But wouldn’t you be busy?”

“Nah” He shook his head. “I’m starting from Monday…the company’s on recess for a while”

“Oh…”

He stared at the road for a moment, burying his hands in his pockets and asked me; “What should we do now?”

“Hmm…what do you think?”

He chuckled. “I’ll go with whatever you want…we got to do something since we came all the way here…”

I thought for a moment, I thought of Myung Soo, I thought of what we used to do whenever we get into a quarrel and smile, since he and I won’t be doing that anymore.

“I want to get drunk”

He turned to me, widening his eyes. “Eh?”

“You heard me, let’s get drunk”

We took a taxi and asked the driver to take us to the nearest Soju place, which he did after giving us a strange look; I asked why all the taxi drivers keep on giving, me and him this weird, wide eyed look.

“SK groups represent this taxi line” He said with much nonchalance in his voice. “My uncle owns it, actually. SK C and C is only a sub company of it”

I wanted to melt into the seat and die.

We were brought to an open area of the town where there were roadside merchants who were closing up for the night and night time food corners where they served Soju dinner for reasonable prices. Sung Gyu paid the driver, thanking for his corporation, and led me into the nearest stall by laying a hand on my arm.

It was quite warm inside, due to the steam of the cooking food and the crowd inside. There were several drunkards and college students of my league who have come to have several shots. I undid the buttons of the coat I wore while Sung Gyu ordered beef and a couple of bottles of Soju. Waiting for the orders to come by, I started the conversation.

“So, Sung Gyu-Ssi…you’re a big guy”

He gave me an amused look and laughed. “You’re making me really uncomfortable”

I smiled. “Come on! First class honors and Harvard scholar! You’re scaring me! I’m struggling to complete my third year you see”

“Well, you would do well, if you try harder”

“I’m not very bright” I said, with a shrug. He gave me a knowing look and smiled. “There’s no such a thing as being bright…Eunji-Ssi…do you want to know my secret?”

I moved forwards, resting my chin in my hands. “I’m listening”

He chuckled. “I was never very bright. My noona is, she’s a college lecturer now…how I came to try harder was that I always wanted to do better than her at school” He widened his eyes to exaggerate the next part. “Competition”

I laughed. “Okay, carry on.”

“Yeah, well my sister, she’s always praised for her hard work. I was around twelve at that time, and I keep on failing and getting low marks while my noona, who was in high school at that time got really good marks. Everyone praised her, even my uncle. I was really envious. One day I asked my noona how she did that. And she said, try to do better than me. That’s what I do too.

“It didn’t work very well at first, but she promised to help me. She taught me the study methods and how to get ready for exams. I followed her words diligently, because I wanted to surpass her. The first two exams showed that I was improving. The next I became the top of my class. Then when I was thirteen, I became the top of my year”

“Oh wow” I replied, smiling. “So you became the great Kim Sung Gyu”

He laughed. “Not quite….Well, it was after I became the top of my year that my parents became very proud of me. After that, I gave everything to keep that spot, a few months later, my mother introduced Myung Soo to me. He was only eleven then, and he needed help in his mathematics. I think that was where I became the great Kim Sung Gyu”

My heart gave me a severe pain at the thought of him, remembering how highly he thought of his hyung. Maybe what I did was wrong, failing to recognize someone whom he considered so precious to him; I too would have felt the same way of Myung Soo happened to not recognize my father. But I was upset that all he knew about me were the things that he necessarily shouldn’t while the things he should know, he took them as granted.

“Go on” I said.

“Myung Soo was very silent back then. He refused to utter a single word. It was quite difficult to help him in the beginning, given that we were only three years apart. I helped him nevertheless, because I felt I held the responsibility of him. But the reason for his silence worried me. It was one time when I saw scars on his wrists and his neck that I really freaked out. I decided to ask my mother about it. And she, as would a good mother, did background research on him. What had happened, she told me in the end.”

Feeling my heart skip a beat. I asked him what it was.

“He had been a victim of domestic violence” Sung Gyu said at last. “He was the only child when his mother had remarried, and this man had hated him so he was making him run errands which were impossible for the kid to handle. So whenever he failed, the man would hurt him, cut him with glass and blades or burn him with cigarettes. Myung Soo had been afraid to show any of this to his mother. I saw them, luckily, and I think that is what which led me to this. I wanted to be a good person and serve the world…yet more than that…here’s my little secret…I always wanted to be a singer.”

I laughed. “Really? So that made you an underground legend?”

“Hmm” He said, eyeing the group of people, an indie group which was performing country music outside the tent. “I guess. After we figured out about Myung Soo, my mother advised his mother about it; she freaked out the moment she heard about it and filed a case against her husband for abusing her child. She had been busy with her work; in fact, Myung Soo is a chaebol himself, with his mother running a successful cosmetic business, it must have been why she never had time for her kid. That man was convicted for child abuse, and he was sentenced to jail. Myung Soo received therapy, so during this time, his visits were less frequent. Along with my school work, I concentrated on music.”

“Ah…so that’s how it started”

He smiled. “It started when noona took me to see a concert by an American rock band which visited Korea for a tour. I was mesmerized, really, and since then there was nothing else I wanted to do than being a singer. But my parents opposed to it, so did my sister because I did very well at school. I was fifteen then, and I happened to see the posters about underground. I got together with some of my friends, went to see the first performance, and finally we decided to form a group”

“Beat” I said. “Yes. We practiced day and night then, joined the concerts, played in the streets; but when my parents found out, they wanted me to stop.”

“Really?”

“Hmm” he said, something clouding his eyes. The group behind was playing an old time favorite which I recognized as ‘Sweet child of mine’. “They asked me to stop, actually they threatened that if I didn’t, they will send me off to my uncle’s, which scared me because he was a very strict man. They wanted me to focus on my studies. It wasn’t that I was doing badly at school. Really. I couldn’t bare the pressure in the end. Myung Soo wasn’t visiting me at all at that time, so I ran away from home”

I widened my eyes. “No way!”

“Well, I did. And I stayed with a friend whose father owned a chicken shop. I took up the job of grilling chicken, which was hard for a fifteen year old kid, being pampered at home, even more so. Seeing families eating together made me upset, this was a terrible time. I couldn’t stay away for too long though. Two weeks later, Myung Soo’s mother found me, and said that my father was sick. Fearing the worse, I returned home, only to find out that he had had a kidney failure.

“I decided to not to trouble my parents anymore; they understood me, nonetheless, and allowed me to play music because they thought I had a good voice. They bought me a guitar too. For all these, I worked very hard. I was seventeen when Myung Soo visited me once more, and apparently he had run away from home too”

“Really?” I asked, curiously because I hadn’t heard this part of the story.

“Yeah. His mother, she isn’t a very good woman. She had remarried, another man who also didn’t much like Myung Soo. He wasn’t hurting him, and Myung Soo was a grown kid who could fight back. But when he had told his mother that he couldn’t do it anymore, she didn’t listen, because she already had a daughter from her new husband. When Myung Soo had tried to rebel, she had actually asked him to leave her house, since she no longer considered him her child”

My heart fell into oblivion at the memories of him telling me about how people whom he loved the most neglected him while strangers held him close to their hearts. I never knew what he actually meant by it. Now only I came to know what he had really meant.

Sung Gyu continued. “My mother was really sad to hear about it; she cut off every connection she had with her mother, she only talked to her once, and that was to tell her that she’s adopting him, Myung Soo, and that she was willing to legally claim the ownership of him. That woman, she didn’t care. My mother was furious that she actually filed a case against her, and adopted Myung Soo as her own child. That was how we became a family. She even included into family photos and all. But after I graduated we moved out to live alone, since Myung Soo felt uncomfortable living in our house with all the relatives and all. You see, it’s not at all about being bright, Eunji-Ssi…it’s about being a good person. And that you can be by doing something which satisfies you and the others…”

I nodded and let out a sigh. Truly, I didn’t know what could come out of myself. I wasn’t bright, I wasn’t talented, but I too, just as he said, wanted to be a good person whom everyone would respect.

The Soju arrived after a while with a grill to fry the meat and a pair of glasses. Sung Gyu pooped open one of the bottles, kept a glass on the table before me and poured for me a shot.

“Eunji…I think you are getting there” He said, sitting back.

“Eh? Where?”

“Becoming a good person. I think you’re getting there. Because despite all the problems that Myung Soo have, you took good care of him the two years I was away”

I looked down at the clear liquid in the glass. “But I lost his trust…Sung Gyu-Ssi”

“No…I don’t think so. You just wait and see, he would come around.”

And at that very moment, I just hoped he would.

For the next two hours we discussed mundane matters like weather and college and even politics. Likewise the both of us finished four bottles of Soju, I asked him to not order anymore because I wanted to go home being very sane. Afterwards we sat in silence, enjoying the wind blowing into the tent; we both watched the indie band playing classical English songs. They were really good, talented, truly. Their music and voices were truly enjoyable.

After a while, Sung Gyu climbed up to his feet and turned to me.

“Are we going?”

He shook his head, looking quite out of it and held his hand out to me. “Princess, may I have this dance?”

I looked at his hand, back at him and then at the circle of people in the area where they played. We were both drunk and out of it, so I thought, why not?

I took his hand, and we both walked towards the place where they played. I felt as though we were dressed just right for the moment.

He and I stood there, facing each other as though it was the most natural thing to do. He placed his hands on my waist, I placed mine on his shoulders. We moved closer, almost touching, I held my breath. And he began to move.

For a moment I felt completely out of the world. Here were us, him and I, an owner of a company, a chaebol, almost a prince dancing with a common downtown girl in the middle of a crowded street; it felt so right, so surreal, so out of this world, as though it was a scene out of a fairy tale. The group played a slow song, they must have noticed the couple dressed in strange attire, dancing in the middle of nowhere; but it felt so nice. I didn’t want the moment to end.

Crowd encircled us then, and I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable being watched. Some were idling about us, some joined the dance too, and I heard one young girl saying that we looked very good together. My cheeks burned in embarrassment. Another said that I was a runaway bride.

A runaway bride.

When the music became softer, Sung Gyu brought us closer and I ran my hands around his neck, his encircled around my waist. It felt so right, as though we were meant to be. I wasn’t thinking straight maybe, but I felt my heart run so, so fast, being in his embrace, breathing in his scent, and hands around his neck; I wished the moment would last forever. I lifted my head to look into his eyes then, and I realized he too was watching me. Our eyes met, heat raised up to my cheeks, went into my head, and ran through every single vein inside me, eventually I wasn’t in my sane mind. I looked into his eyes and his lips whish were so, so close to me, almost touching; my heart stopped when he placed his forehead against mine. I stared deeply into his eyes, forgetting all that surrounded us and when I felt him move I closed my eyes and moved closer, pulled him lower by his neck and our lips met in a touch of a butterfly.

Everything disappeared in my eyes until all I felt was him. We didn’t move though. We stood still as though the time had stopped moving in its course. None of us moved our lips either, which remained pressed against one another, and all of a sudden, he moved away.

The people around us started clapping while he stared down at me, looking aghast.

“Eunji…..you’re drunk” He said, breathing hard. “You’re drunk and you’re not thinking straight”

I giggled. “I’m not! This is like Cinderella isn’t it, we’re dancing, we kiss and when the clock strike twelve I run away” I looked into his eyes. “Is it twelve yet?”

“Eunji…”

I giggled again. “It isn’t!” I moved to press my lips to his once more, but he was quicker, and placed his index finger on mine. “Eunji…stop it, you’re drunk”

I looked down at his finger, and pushed it away, feeling a tight lump in my throat.

“I always wanted to do this with him…Myung Soo….I wanted to dance, be Cinderella for once…I wanted to kiss him too…”

He remained silent, and I felt warm tears streaming down my eyes. “But I would never be able to do it…I’m not pretty, or bright…I’m not like Naeun…’

“Ssh…listen, Eunji”

“I’m such a waste…”

“Eunji-ah”

“I-,”

He pulled back and cupped my face in his hands, forcing me to look him in the eyes.

“Eunji, you like him, don’t you? You like Kim Myung Soo…”

I closed my eyes and began to cry.