"You just spent weeks in Hong Kong," Tiffany said slowly, "Why do you look like the world has officially ended?"

We were in her car heading back to my house. By the time my plane landed in Seoul a chilling numbness had descended on me. It was oddly comforting to stare at the people passing me by without a single thought in my head.

For a moment, I almost went outside of the airport and asked for a taxi before remember that I wasn't in Hong Kong anymore. That thought created a tiny crack in my shell so I pushed it away quickly. Instead, I went and sat down on the hard plastic chairs, digging my phone out from my bag and calling Tiffany. When she answered, her voice was sleepy and I realized that it was still only ten in the morning and she probably had class to go to. I quickly told her to forget that I had called, but by that point she had figured out that something was up and I ended up telling her that I was in the airport.

Without hesitation, she blew off all of her classes to come and get me, demanding that I tell her all about my trip. I didn't have the heart to tell her that that was close to the last thing in the world I wanted to do. Instead, I sighed and muttered some sort of affirmative because before I knew it she had hung up the phone and I knew she was on her way.

Her car smelled comfortably like home and I took a deep breath, my eyes on the window. "I don't know," I responded.

"There's definitely an explanation," she said calmly, mindful of the morning traffic. She reached out and turned off the radio and I could tell that she was waiting for me to speak.

Without warning my throat tightened and all of the emotions of the last few hours came rushing back. I swallowed hard a few times to try and force it back, but I had been ignoring it for so long that I really didn't have a chance. My lip trembled and I bit it. "Tiff," I whispered, my voice hoarse. I tried to figure out what to say to her—where the hell I could even start. But there was no right place. Instead, I simply shook my head, "I think I really ed up."

She was silent for a moment before sighing softly, "What happened?"

Once again, words failed me. I just shrugged helplessly while my thoughts continued to whirl uselessly in my head. There was so much I wanted to tell her... so much she needed to know.

"Jessi, you have to talk to me," she said. I could feel her eyes on me but I still couldn't bring myself to look at her. We rolled to a stoplight and the car hummed beneath us for a moment. "Is this a Taeyeon thing?" she tried. Pursing my lips, I turned my head slightly and nodded. "What did he do?" she almost sounded irritated and I wanted to immediately come to his defense. I wanted her to know that I was the idiot and I was the one in the wrong.

"He told me he had feelings for me," I said plainly. "He told me that I was always on his mind and that he knew we had it rough but even if there was no baby he still wanted us to be together."

Tiffany's incredulity was almost palpable. I waited for her reaction, knowing that it was most likely going to be loud. She didn't disappoint, "Then what the hell are you doing here?" she exploded. The car dipped into the next lane and she quickly righted herself, ignoring the dirty look of the driver beside us.

My throat tightened again and I struggled to speak, "I couldn't stay," I finally forced out, blinking rapidly at my reflection in the glass of her window. And I couldn't. It wasn't a lie. I wanted to... some part of me wanted nothing more than to be back in Hong Kong right then, lying in bed with Taeyeon. But the more responsible part of me knew that it just wasn't possible.

"Why not?" she grated out and I could see her hands tightening on the steering wheel. "He said that he thought about you all the time, Jessi. And he said that even though you had the abortion it didn't change the fact that he wanted to be with you. I don't see a problem here."

I shook my head hard, frustration welling in me, "That's just it," I said sharply. Then I took a deep breath and finally admitted the truth to her, "I didn't do it."

"Didn't do what?" she asked with confusion in her voice. I squeezed my eyes shut. Was she really going to make me say it?

I guess it didn't matter anymore. Now that I was home for good she was going to have to know. But that didn't make it any easier. The last thing I wanted to do was reveal to her that I had kept such a huge secret from her. I needed her support more than anything, especially now.

I opened my eyes back up and turned in my seat, facing her dead on. "The abortion, Tiff," I said softly. She looked over at me and must have seen something in my face because she didn't look away. "I didn't do it. I couldn't."

Her eyes widened slowly and then she turned her gaze away from me. Before I knew it she was getting off the road and pulling into a parking lot. A sudden chill hit my skin when she turned off the car and I hunched slightly wishing for all the world that I could look away.

"What?" she asked, her voice dangerously soft. Her hands slid off of the steering wheel and came to rest in her lap.

I stared at her for a minute and then my eyes filled with tears. "Please don't make me say it again."

Sympathy was the last thing on her mind which was completely fair. Instead, she seemed to be trying to wrap her head around what I had just told her. It seemed like she didn't believe me. "Let me get this straight," she said slowly. Then, she turned to me and I could see the disbelief clearly on her face. But with it was a tiny bit of justified hurt. "You're still pregnant?"

I looked at her for a long minute and then slowly, hesitantly nodded. She instantly made a sound of exasperation, throwing herself back against her chair and throwing her arms up. Then, she turned back to face me, her brows mashed low over her eyes with anger, "Are you ing kidding me?" she yelled. "Are you joking right now?" She didn't wait for a response, "In telling me the story of your eventful summer, you neglected to include the most important detail—your impending trip to the maternity wing of the hospital—and not only that, but you completely sat in my face and lied about it!"

I took it all without a word. There was nothing I could say to defend myself. She was right; the entire situation didn't make any sense. I got the abortion; I didn't get the abortion... hell I was starting to get confused myself. But that confrontation with Taeyeon... that was truly the final straw. Clearly it was time for me to deal with the fact that I had chosen to have a baby instead of continuing to ignore it.

"I'm so sorry, Tiff," I said knowing that it wasn't enough. She stared at me for a long moment and then took a deep breath, obviously trying to calm herself down.

She ran a hand through her hair, "Okay, okay," she said, collecting her thoughts. The bright spots of colors that had bloomed in her cheeks started to slowly fade and she shook her head as though she still couldn't believe what was happening. "Well what about Taeyeon?" she asked, "What did he say?"

Another question I didn't want to answer. I curled my fingers into my palms, my eyes downcast. "He doesn't know," I said in a small voice.

She was eerily silent again, but it didn't last as long this time. "He doesn't know," she repeated, her voice deadpan. "What do you mean he doesn't know?"

"He still thinks I had a