I couldn't be weak. There wasn't time for it right now. More than anything, I had to be strong for the both of us.

Once I knew for sure that I was actually pregnant, calling him was no longer an option. I tried to wait it out, to calm myself down in some way, but I knew that I was as calm as I was going to get. In fact, I was afraid that if I waited a second longer I would go further off the edge than before. So, I decided to be proactive.

My fingers shook as I reached out to ring the doorbell of Taeyeon's mansion. Gritting my teeth, I forced away the nervousness that was making me unsteady and tried my damndest to look normal instead of completely insane.

This could possibly be the most important conversation I would ever have in my entire life. As a matter of fact, the conversation we were about to have could change the course of my life forever. That was a lot of pressure for two eighteen year olds to take on, but hell that was how it had to be.

I heard footsteps and cleared my throat, but I was surprised when the door opened to reveal not Taeyeon, but his mother. "Hi, Mrs. Kim," I said, a smile automatically coming to my face. She smiled back, but it didn't reach her eyes. She looked tired. But it was more than that. As I looked at her, I realized that for the first time since I had ever seen her, she looked sick.

"Jessica, this is a pleasant surprise," she responded, leaning heavily on the door. She was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants. Her skin looked drawn and tight and her eyes were haggard. Her light brown hair hung limply in a hastily pulled back ponytail. It broke my heart to see her like that.

"Yeah," I shrugged, "I just needed to talk to Taeyeon. But how are you?"

She laughed, but the sound was dry, "Well, sweetie, I've been better." For a moment my problems felt incredibly small. Here I was, with the gift of life inside of me while it was slowly fading away from her. I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but she really didn't look that great. Then again, it was only the first week of her chemotherapy. I couldn't very well expect her to be jumping around.

I smiled again, softer this time, "I'm sure you'll be better again."

Mrs. Kim nodded slowly, "I'm sure I will, too."

She was a fighter. This woman was undoubtedly the strongest person I had ever met. I still didn't know how long she had been fighting cancer. Taeyeon never told me. But just the fact that she continued to fight, that she refused to give up was enough to give me the kind of encouragement that I needed.

She would be an amazing grandmother.

"Is everything alright, Jessica?" her wan voice snapped me back to reality and I blinked at her for a moment.

"What?"

She stared at me, a bemused look on her face. "For a second there you just looked so upset."

I swallowed hard. Was it really that plain on my face? "Oh, no I just... I guess I was thinking."

For a long moment, she gazed at me and I could swear that she saw more than she was supposed to. It made me want to take a step back... and then another... until I was running. But instead, I stiffened my spine and gazed back.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps racing towards us, "Mom?"

I breathed a sigh of relief and took a small step away from the door, laughing nervously. After a second, Taeyeon's appeared behind his mother's slightly stooped figure. "Mom, what are you doing? You should be in bed."

She looked over her shoulder at him and I could swear I saw annoyance stamped on her face. "Alright, alright; I just had to get the door." Taeyeon opened his mouth again, probably to continue to chastise her but she lifted a finger. "Kim Taeyeon, I'm your mother. I don't need you to baby me." Her eyes found mine again and she smiled sweetly, all traces of the stern mother gone. "Jessica, it was nice to see you. Please stop by again soon."

With one last hard look at her son, she turned and disappeared into the house. Taeyeon sighed and came out onto the front porch, shutting the door behind him. "She never listens even though she knows she should be in bed."

I smiled sympathetically, noting the concerned look on his face. All of a sudden, I found myself unable to look at him. The atmosphere became heavy with the tension that had been building all day. Taeyeon shifted his weight and I cleared my throat.

"Sica," his voice was soft. I looked up slowly, seeing the fear and apprehension in his eyes. "Are you...?"

I pressed my lips together, and reached out tentatively, placing my hand on his arm. "Let's go for a drive."

*  *  *
 

He wouldn't look at me. As a matter of fact, I wasn't sure that he was looking at anything. His eyes remained focused forward, staring straight out of the windshield. I swallowed hard, my hands tightening into fists on my lap.

The night air was surprisingly cool outside of my windows. The scenery from the park in front of us was beautiful, but I barely noticed it. My mind was too focused on the man beside me, who hadn't spoken a single word since I revealed what found out at the doctor.

"Say something, Taeyeon," I whispered desperately. "Please... anything."

He took a deep, shaky breath. "Wow," he said with shock. I bit my lip. Not exactly the response I was looking for. "I just... wow."

He was clearly at a total loss for words. It reminded me too much of how I had felt in the doctor's office, how disbelieving I had been. I couldn't fault him for feeling it now.

"You're absolutely sure?"

I turned to look at him. In the light from the park and the moon, I could see how white his face was. "The doctor said that she's almost positive. I could take a pregnancy test later, but..." I shook my head, once again shying away from the idea. "If the doctor says so, then I won't doubt her."

I could see him swallowing, his eyes searching for a solution that neither of us could come up with. "What are we going to do?"

There it was: the question that would determine the rest of my life. The question I couldn't figure out an answer to. I shook my head slowly, looking down at my lap, "I don't know, Tae."

We were silent for a long time. The minutes ticked by but neither of us could find a single word to say. I wrung my hands to keep them from curling protectively over my stomach. We weren't getting anywhere. Finally, I sighed, "What do you want to do?"

Taeyeon laughed without a hint of mirth. "Honestly, I have no idea." He turned his head, his eyes studying me. "It looks like we're going to have a baby."

Without warning, the tears filled my eyes. I could tell just by his tone that this wasn't going to work. And the last thing I wanted to happen was for him to resent me for the rest of our lives because I held him back from his dream. "You can't raise a baby from Hong Kong."

At my strained words, I saw a muscle jump in his cheek, "I'm not going to Hong Kong. Not anymore."

"I can't make you do that."

He sighed loudly, "What else am I going to do, Sica? I won't leave you here alone with a baby. Especially not when it was my fault in the first place."

"But we're only eighteen."

"That doesn't change anything. We're eighteen and now we have a baby."

"But Taeyeon, we had so much planned," I whispered. "College, Hong Kong... what about that? What about our future?"

He looked at me for a long moment, not speaking. Then, I could see his hand slowly curling into a fist and I could tell that he felt as helpless as I did, he was just better at hiding it. "Plans ch