It had been two hours since I first walked into the clinic and that barely seemed like enough time. I was sitting outside now, a million thoughts running through my mind and no place to start. The bench beneath me was hot after being warmed by the sun for so long, but I barely even noticed the way the skin of my legs stuck to the metal.

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I was out of there already. I felt like a completely different person. I hadn't realized how much knowing there was a baby growing inside of me had changed me. After all, I only knew for less than a week.

It took me a long time to muster up the strength to call Taeyeon and tell him I was ready to be picked up. Technically, the appointment itself hadn't even lasted two hours; I just wandered outside afterwards, too mentally lost to even remember that I was supposed to call him in the first place.

My eyes stared vacantly at the pavement beneath my feet. I could hear someone walking past me, heading into the clinic, but I couldn't even be bothered to look up and see them. I just sat there, unable or unwilling to allow myself to think about anything. I kept my mind carefully blank.

"Sica?" his hand on my shoulder startled me and I looked up, surprised that he got back so fast. I figured that he must not have gone far in the first place. We stared at each other for a long moment, unable to find the right words to say if there were any at all. I stood slowly, saw his eyes skim over me.

He set his hands on my arms hesitantly as though he was afraid to touch me. I gazed at him, at the pain in his eyes and suddenly there were tears in mine. I fought against them, forcing them back because now was no time to cry. We made our decision; we talked about it and hashed everything out. Now, it was done.

His fingers tightened on me and suddenly I was pulled into a rough embrace, his arms completely enveloping me. I swallowed hard, amazed by the heat that was generated between us as his body completely sealed against mine. We were shaking, and I wondered which one of us it was. Then, I realized that it was both of us, and our individual trembling had been combined to create waves of tremors.

I buried my head into his neck, inhaling his familiar scent and trying to remind myself to breathe. My arms came around his back, fingers clenching tight on the fabric of his t-shirt. I was okay. I knew that. I made it out alive and everything was fine. But for some reason I felt completely drained of all energy. I just wanted to go home and sit in the dark; or better yet, just lie in Taeyeon's arms with my head on his chest so that I could listen to his heartbeat and pray that it would ease me into sleep.

I don't know how long we stood there, locked together like that. I don't know how many people walked by us, wondering what had happened inside to make two teenagers cling to each other as though desperate for the reminder of what it felt like to be alive and breathing. All I knew was that when we finally separated, I wasn't shaking as badly and some part of me felt almost whole again.

His face was drawn and void of all color as he led me to his car with an arm around my shoulders. I was sure that I looked much the same. He opened my door for me, waiting until I got in before shutting it and coming around to the driver's side. But when he sat down and turned the car on, he didn't move. He simply sat there, staring at the dashboard.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked me. I shrugged my shoulders. Part of me wanted to go home and try to get back to my normal life. I felt that I was going to have to eventually. But another, bigger part of me couldn't stand the thought of being there alone.

"I don't know."

"Are you hungry? Do you want to get something to eat?"

I bit my lip, shaking my head. I wasn't sure I would ever be hungry again. We were both silent for a while. There were so many things that we wanted to say, but we had no idea where to start or if speaking it was even necessary.

Taeyeon restlessly ran his hands over the steering wheel and sighed, "Okay. How about I just take you home then?"

That was the smart thing to do. Home was where I belonged. But just as I was about to nod, something stopped me. I swallowed hard, turning to face him instead. "I don't... I really don't want to be alone right now." I felt so lost and I didn't know where to turn. It was scary, what I had decided to do and the last thing I wanted was to let my thoughts consume me.

Taeyeon looked at me and tenderness clouded his eyes. He reached out slowly, his hand covering mine where it rested on my lap. "Then you won't be alone," he said.

He squeezed my hand gently and then put the car in drive and took me away from the clinic. As a saw it disappear behind us I prayed that it would be the last time I would ever have to see it.

*  *  *
 

He took me to his house which was a surprise to me since I figured his parents would be home. "My mom's at the hospital overnight and my dad is staying with her," he said as a means of explanation. I nodded shortly, my memory drifting back to the last time he told me something like that... and I had to remind myself that that never actually happened even though it still felt too real sometimes.

Taeyeon held the front door open for me and I stepped inside the gigantic house, marveling at how beautiful it all was. The spiral staircase with wrought iron railing off to the right was something to see on its own, not to even mention the crystal chandelier that hung in the foyer, the afternoon sun twinkling off of each light.

"Come on," Taeyeon took my hand and led me to a room a little ways down the hall and to the right. When we got to the doorway, he released me and made his way inside. It was, of course, a kitchen.

"Always trying to feed me," I mumbled under my breath, my eyes on the custom crown molding that lined the ceiling.

"Well, if you'd eat like a normal person, I wouldn't have to go to all this trouble," he replied automatically, his back to me as he stood in front of the refrigerator. I smiled wryly, and then looked over at him in surprise.

So easily we had fallen back into our old routine - a routine we hadn't been able to catch again in weeks. When he turned to stare at me with an expression much like my own, I knew he was thinking the same thing. The nostalgia washed over me and I blinked as my thoughts returned to the present and the gravity or our situation.

His smile faded slowly and he frowned, clearing his throat. He turned back to the fridge, getting out the last of the ingredients that he would be using. I sighed softly and sat at the table, my eyes still taking in all of the little intricacies of the room. I had never been in here before. Only time I ever truly did come into his house was when I was bringing his mother the basket and her room was the only one I saw.

I was curious to know if my dream had been right about what his room looked like, but I quickly shied away from that thought before it could get too out of line. I was truly shocked that my thoughts could even go to at a time like this. I was surprised that they were on anything other than where I had just come from.

Somehow that always seemed to be the case with Taeyeon. Nothing about me was ever normal when I was around him or when he was on my mind. I would think of him at the most random times and it would almost always be an inappropriate thought. I had never had that problem with anyone else. But nothing about the experience I had with him was normal anyway.

A plate with a sandwich was set in front of me, startling me out of my thoughts. I looked from the lightly toasted wheat bread to Taeyeon. He raised one brow in question, pushing the plate closer to me.

"Eat," he said and then he waited until I picked up the sandwich before going to the fridge and pouring me a glass of water. I really wasn't hungry. In fact, I could do without eating for a while because my stomach was still churning with all the bottled up feelings I was too afraid to let out. But I already knew from experience that Taeyeon wouldn't leave me alone until the sandwich was gone so I bit into it slowly, forcing myself to chew and swallow. He didn't sit with me like he normally would. Instead, he got himself a glass of water and stood against the counter, his eyes on the window above the sink.

I ate bit by bit, and I had to admit that after I was done did feel a little better. I hadn't realized that I didn't eat all day. I couldn't force down anything this morning and it was almost two-thirty in the afternoon now.

When my plate was empty, Taeyeon came over and took it, putting it in the sink with both of our glasses of water. For a brief moment, neither of us knew what to do. What could we say? What was there to talk about? I took a deep breath, but a yawn swept through me quickly and left me shutting my eyes against a wave of dizziness.

When I opened them again after several long blinks, I saw Taeyeon staring at me sympathetically. "Didn't sleep last night?" he asked.

I looked away from him, "No."

"Me neither," he said quietly. Then, he pushed away from the counter and walked over to me. "Come here," he began heading out of the kitchen and I hurried to follow him, not wanting to get lost in his house.

He took me up that beautiful staircase and passed a few doors that I remembered from when I visited his mother. Finally, he stopped at one on the left side of the hall and opened the door, standing aside so that I could go in. I bit my lip and we