When I got home that night, it was too late for either of my parents to be up which worked out perfectly because my face was red and splotchy and I was sure that I probably looked close to death. I felt as though I would pass out at any moment. The emotional overload of the day was too much; I had gone from incredible highs to painful lows all within a few minutes and now my body and mind were completely drained.

I dragged myself up to my room, trying to be quiet. Once I got there, I didn't even bother to turn on a light or try to find pajamas, I simply pulled off my t-shirt and shorts and crawled under the covers in my underwear. Though the anxiety was making my heart pound far too fast and I didn't know if sleep would even be possible, once my head hit the pillow I was out for the night.

My mother came into my room bright and early that Tuesday morning. "Jessie, wake up honey."

I pried my eyes open, still half asleep. She was there, sitting on my bed with a look I really didn't like on her face. I swallowed hard and brushed my hair out of my face. "Mom, I'm sleeping."

"Not anymore," she said with a tone of finality. Sighing, I sat up in bed. When I glanced over at my alarm clock and saw that it was only eight in the morning, I groaned. When she saw that I was somewhat conscious, she cleared and leaned closer to me. "You don't seem like yourself."

I furrowed my brow with confusion even though on the inside I was nervous. Mothers have always been known for their intuition. "What do you mean?"

"You've been running from me for two days, sweetie. You won't give me a straight answer about anything. And you refuse to tell me what happened when your father and I were away."

I groaned, flopping back onto my bed and shutting my eyes, "Mom, nothing happened."

It had to be the fifth or sixth time I had said that, but once again she knew better. "You can't expect me to believe that."

"Mom-"

"I'm not asking you to tell me," she interrupted me before I could argue with her again. Surprised, I opened my eyes and looked at her. She didn't want to know? Then what was she here for? The expression on her face was unreadable so I sat back up slowly, waiting for her to continue. "I know my daughter," she said. "I know when something isn't right. I just want you to know that when you're ready, I'm here. No matter what it is, I'm here."

I stared at her, swallowing against a sudden flood of emotions. This was what a mom was supposed to be. For the second time since my world had come crashing down around me, I felt an overwhelming urge tell her everything. As though she could see the hesitance on my face, she simply sat there and waited, understanding clear in her eyes.

But at the last second, when the words were b right behind my lips I held them back. I couldn't say anything yet. Not until I knew for sure what Taeyeon and I were going to do. "Thanks, Mom," I replied instead. She gazed at me for a long moment before nodding slowly.

"Of course, sweetie."

When she left, I let out a shaky breath. I wondered how she would feel about what I was contemplating. How did she feel about abortion? Or would she rather me give up college and my future to have the baby of a man I wasn't sure I liked in that way, much less loved?

It was impossible to know. Not right now anyway.

Sometimes, when I was alone I found myself on the internet researching pregnancy and childbirth. Some of the things I read made me cringe and others made me nauseous. But most of the things I read completely terrified me. I was afraid to think about the future. Nine months didn't seem like nearly enough time for a new human to completely develop but I had a feeling it would be on me before I knew it. If I decided to keep it.

Thoughts of the delivery room and baby formula clouded my mind nearly every second and I found myself bouncing with nervousness as I waited for Taeyeon's call. Several times I wanted to call him myself and demand an answer, but if there was anything that I had learned it was that people needed their own time to figure out what they wanted.

I wondered what he was doing most times. I wondered if his mind was as preoccupied as mine and I worried about the extra stress I knew was weighing heavily on him. I saw his mom. She looked like she wasn't doing well. It was one thing when he simply told me she was sick and another thing entirely when I saw her go from looking a little tired to looking like she was worn down and defeated by the sickness inside of her in only a week. If it could break my heart, I couldn't even imagine how he was feeling. And to try to think about getting me pregnant on top of that? He had to be struggling.

We didn't have much time left. I was supposed to be leaving for college in three weeks. Every time I passed by that pile of college stuff that my parents had painstakingly bought for me, my chest tightened and I had to look away. But that wasn't as important as the fact that Taeyeon was supposed to leave for Hong Kong in only two weeks. We didn't have forever to make this decision.

By Tuesday evening, I had mustered up the strength to call Planned Parenthood. It was the scariest phone call I had ever made in my life, but it had to be done and I knew that. I waited until my parents were out of the house before going to my room and sitting in the dark. It took me an extra minute to look up the number for the clinic since I had never been there before. It surprised me to learn that it actually wasn't very far from where I went to high school. I guess when things like that aren't on your mind, you never really stop to notice them.

I must have stared at the phone for an hour. My fingers shook as I punched in the phone number and by the time a woman with a kind voice answered, I could barely get any words out. She didn't seem surprised. In fact, the way she spoke to me it seemed like this was a regular occurrence for her. It made me wonder how many girls like me were really out there... and how many of them did I know?

I didn't have to say much. Once I managed to get out that I was pregnant and considering getting an abortion, she filled me in on a lot of the information that I had read in the pamphlet. Still, it was different to actually hear someone saying all of the words that you were too afraid to think about. The procedure itself sounded simple enough. Scary, but not very difficult. In fact, she told me that in most cases it only takes about twenty minutes. That seemed like such a short amount of time to take away a life.

I couldn't think like that. I had to keep reminding myself that the baby inside of me wasn't a baby yet. It was only a little cluster of cells. It had no shape, no definition whatsoever and no organs. It was just a little bitty thing. It couldn't even be called a baby in the opinion of the woman at Planned Parenthood.

Still, I knew what it had the potential to become. It could be a little girl, or a little boy. It could look like me, or it could look like Taeyeon. Maybe its eyes would change color like Taeyeon's do, or maybe it would have my light brown hair and slender build.

But those were more things that I couldn't let myself think about. I had to stay in the moment. And right now, it was nothing more than an embryo. At only two weeks along, it didn't even look human.

After a long call in which I asked several questions about the procedure itself, I made an appointment for Friday at noon. I knew both of my parents wouldn't be home for a while since Friday was one of their busiest days so if I happened to have a mental breakdown I wouldn't have to worry about any questions. Plus, I knew Taeyeon wouldn't be working. Not that it mattered; I was sure that I could have made the appointment at anytime and he would still find a way to be there even if it meant getting fired.

I didn't want that to happen since I was hoping that if we went through with this, we would both be able to return to our normal lives and I'd hate for him to be out of a job because of this. Still, he wasn't thinking straight so I was forced to think ahead for him.

That was another thing to think about. Where the hell were we supposed to go from here? We couldn't simply go back to being friends. There was too much between us. At least, I didn't think we could. Maybe if enough time passed... but even then I don't think I would ever really be able to look at him or us the same way. And from what I knew of him, I doubted he would either.

The thought made me sigh. So many changes in such a short amount of time. It wasn't fair for all of this to be happening to me. I had always been the cautious girl. And now, the one summer I choose to throw my caution completely to the wind, all hell breaks loose.

I kept going out, trying to find something to occupy my mind but as the hours passed I just couldn't think of anything else. All I could do was pray that Taeyeon would hurry up and call me and thank God that Tiffany would be coming home soon. Within the next couple of days actually. She said in her letter that her trip wouldn't be much longer now. I expected to see her next Friday at least, which was, ironically enough, the day Taeyeon was supposed to leave for Hong Kong.

I had a good feeling that after he and I made our decision, I would need her more than ever.

Finally, around four in the afternoon on Th