Somehow, I managed to remember my doctor's appointment. When my cell phone went off that Monday morning, reminding me of the appointment that I was supposed to be at in an hour, I was suddenly grateful for my mother's obsessive compulsive tendencies. If she hadn't called a week ago and thrown it into conversation, there was absolutely no way I would have made it.

I just had too many things going on for me to be thinking about a stupid required doctor's appointment. For college, I had to get a physical in order to live on campus. I thought the whole thing was silly; what was the likelihood that I would be carrying some sort of horrible virus or disease? But, since I wasn't in charge of the schools or a congresswoman, I had no choice but to participate in the horribly awkward appointments.

I groaned as I rolled out of the bed. It hadn't been the best weekend of my life - that was for sure. As a matter of fact, it hadn't been the best week of my life in general. Physically, maybe - my cheeks heated immediately and I sighed at my own stupidity. Fine, maybe physically I hadn't had the worst week ever, but emotionally I was a wreck.

I got up and walked to the bathroom, turning the shower on. Steam instantly filled the room and I began to undress slowly, still not fully awake. Under the hot water, my thoughts strayed to Saturday night.

Part of my mind was still too tender to try to think about what Taeyeon revealed to me. I couldn't believe he was actually going to leave. I knew that the only thing keeping him here was his mother, but I wondered what had changed. Now that she was actually sick again I figured that there was no way he would leave. Of course that was for my own selfish reasons, but hell, I was hoping. The way he had handled her so tenderly when he brought me over to meet her seemed to make that clear. They must have had a talk. She must have demanded that he leave.

But she had been talking to me as though she knew... or she thought that there was something between us. If that was the case, why would she encourage him to leave? I shook my head at my own selfish thoughts again. I couldn't be thinking like that. Of course his mother knew what was best for him. Of course she knew that the only way for him to live his life to the fullest was to go to Hong Kong and make a name for himself. He was too talented to squander it all by staying here because of a stupid girl like me.

I knew all of those things, but I was still having a hard time wrapping my mind around it. Taeyeon was also very stubborn. If he really wanted to stay, he would be staying, no questions asked. What was it that had finally changed his mind? I sighed. It didn't matter. His decision was made and I was sure he was going to go through with it. And it was for the best. If he could decide to leave everything behind, including his sick mother than he must know what he's doing. Who was I to argue with him anyway?

All of that was true, but when I saw his name on the caller id of my cell phone when I got out of the shower, something stopped me from answering it. I just stared as his number flashed across the screen and the vibration of my phone made loud noises on my dresser. I didn't think I was ready to talk to him yet. He didn't seem to understand that I needed time to compose myself.

He just told me that he was leaving two nights ago. I hadn't had any time to bring myself back to reality and be the Jessica that he knew again. I was still fragile; if he saw me now he would know how much I was struggling with the thought of him being gone. I couldn't let that happen. His mother was right; he always wanted to make everyone happy. He always wanted to save everyone. He would be so torn if he saw me the way I am now. Besides, it was almost ten in the morning and I had a doctor's appointment to be at.

I dug around in my closet for clothes to wear, ignoring the persistent beep of my phone telling me that he had left a voicemail. I didn't want to hear it. He was probably asking me if I was okay, or if he could come over, or telling me that he wanted to talk. For now, I thought it would be best that we avoid that.

Running down the stairs, I grabbed an apple and crunched on it on my way to the car. The doctor's office was downtown and parking was going to be a real . I pulled out of my driveway, heading into the Monday morning Seoul traffic.

* * *

"Well, Miss Jung, everything seems to be in order," my doctor's eyes were on the chart that the nurse had given her. I was sitting on the uncomfortable table in the gown that was open at the back. I had tried to cover up as much as possible, but those stupid gowns always seemed to work against me. My arm still stung from where they took blood and I glanced briefly at the shiny yellow band-aid that covered the injection site.

I cleared my throat, shifting slightly on the table and hearing the waxy paper underneath me crackling. "Um, that's good."

The doctor smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corners. "Is this just a routine physical or are you doing it for a sport...?"

Here we go, "Actually, it's for college."

She made the appropriate shock noises and congratulated me. I smiled at her, sighing inwardly at this routine. "So," she began, lowering her voice and crossing her legs casually, "Any boyfriends?"

Immediately, my mind wandered. I recalled it back quickly with a dry chuckle and shook my head, "Definitely not."

Her eyes went back to her chart, "Are you ually active yet?"

I considered lying to her, but before I could come up with anything I realized that I had paused too long. She looked up at me and I blushed, "uh, active may be a bit of a stretch."

Her brow lifted, "Which means?"

I didn't want to talk about this. Somehow, in my preparations to come to the appointment I had completely forgotten about this little inquisition. Every single time since I started my period, all of my doctors force me to admit that I'm an unloved nobody. Only this time, that wasn't the case and that made it much more awkward than I had ever thought it would be.

I bit my lip and then just spat it out, "I've had , but only once."

My doctor's eyes went back to her chart and she jotted something down, "Are you planning on having again anytime soon?"

Was I? The thought made me laugh inwardly, "No, probably not."

Then, she ran through a list of more awkward questions that I was forced to answer: "how are you coping?"; "Would you like a recommendation to a gynecologist?"; "Did you know the guy?"; "Had you been in a long term relationship?" etc. I mostly cringed and gave a yes or no answer to each one. When she was finished embarrassing me to the tips of my toes and I was probably close to the color of a ripe tomato, she stopped writing on my chart and smiled warmly at me.

"I'm really sorry; I know that's embarrassing for you," she said. "We're required to ask you all these questions even though they are a little invasive."

I shook my head even though I could barely meet her eye, "Of course. I understand."

She stood, "Well, Jessica, everything is looking okay. We'll have the results back from your blood test in a couple of days and we'll call you to let you know how that went, but I'm sure everything is fine." She stuck her hand out and I shook it, "It was wonderful to meet you, and I hope you have a good time in college."

I murmured something about it being nice to meet her too and then she was gone. Standing quickly, I dressed keeping an eye on the door in case anyone should try to come in. When I had all of my clothes back on, I left the small examination room and went back to the front desk, making sure that they would be faxing my papers to my college so that I wouldn't have to hear about that later from my mother or the school itself. They assured me that the papers would be sent to the appropriate place and they would call me as soon as everything was faxed. I left the office, still cringing about the questions I had been asked.

I didn't think that I was embarrassed about what Taeyeon and I had done. Still, I wouldn't be rushing to tell anyone about it. As a matter of fact, if it was up to me no one else on the planet would find out. I wasn't sure why I felt that way, but something in me just shied away from even the mention of it. No, those moments were just for me. Just more memories to store in my treasure chest to remind me of what kind of summer I had.

Of course Tiffany would know. Simply because I didn't think I could keep it completely to myself and I knew that she would listen to me without judging. She would be able to understand what had ha