Jonghyun POV

Serenity's Guardians

"Hi, I'm Jonghyun but you can call me Jjong that's what my pack calls me I'm sixteen years old the human children always ask us to tell them stories about our battles and about the people that we have saved and how we got them to Serenity.

My power is marksmanship meaning no matter how far or what angle I shoot or throw it always hits the target as long as I can see. That's not all, ever heard of twin telepathy? Well me and my sister Amber have it- literally me and my sister can read each others minds and talk to each in our heads too.

But if we concentrate hard enough we can block each other out for a little privacy. The y part about it is it only works on us so we can't talk to anyone else in our heads or read their minds but it's still cool and it comes in handy too. Me and Amber are also the worlds best pranksters one time when Tao was asleep we stuffed worms in his pillow case he screamed so loud oh man that was hilarious."

"JONGHYUN DON'T YOU DARE MAKE ME COME OVER THERE" Yelled Tao 

"Oh come on Tao you know it was funny" Jonghyun says with a smirk 

"SOJUNG" Tao screams 

"NO TAO DON- OMG YOUR SUCH A TATTLE TALE" Jonghyun yells to him "Sorry gotta go bye"

With a click echoing the screen goes blank

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Comments

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Vay_Kook_ #1
YOUR FIC COMPLETES ME OMFG LET ME LOVE YOU
KouAkira #2
Chapter 13: The plot and story are good. :)

But, I think you should beta for some misspelling and adjust articles to be a paragraph with full tenses which can describe the action or scene smoothly.

I don't know if it happened to me only or not, because I opened the site to read the story on iPhone, and some of your tenses in each paragraph are separated to be one tense in two paragraphs.

For the example from this chapter;
"then I pull out another arrow and let it fly into the head of the human. Theres nothing we can do for them anyway there

is no cure except to be bitten but we're not gonna go around and bite all the humans that get infected not only is"

(It really was like this)

It made me couldn't read your story smoothly and decreased the mood of your story while I read.

Please don't be mad at me for the comment. I like your story, and want to read the next chapters and have fun with your story like the others too. But I just want you to know what I think. :)

And sorry if my English . Because English is not my native and I'm not good at it enough. _(_ _)_
sarahleto
#3
Love this story!