A/N: Hi, everyone! :)

Sorry I haven’t updated this in a while. I’ve been busy with my new job. Started to work as a writing consultant, and whenever I get home, just the thought of opening another word document just makes me go “ughhhhhhh.” Lol.

But it’s my birthday today, and it’s been a tradition that I always update a story or two whenever it’s my birthday. As my birthday treat to the good readers who’ve supported me all this time. So, I spent a good part of my free day – birthday – writing this update.

So, here’s the next update. Be ready for a rollercoaster of emotions in this one! I hope you all like it. :)

The SM Town concert was postponed, appearances of SM idols were mostly cancelled, and the whole company, not to mention the fans, were grieving because of the unthinkable tragedy that had happened.

SM was in a complicated situation. The fact that the murderer was its president of course caused more than a bit of damper on the company’s image. The other fact that Lee Soo Man was trying to kill his former idol and then ended up actually killing one of his current idols could have ruined the company’s name for good.

But the public and the media could not completely shame the company. No one can ignore that degree of sacrifice – laying down one’s life for a former bandmate.

An old friend.

A brother.

No, Changmin’s sacrifice not only saved Jaejoong’s life, but it also saved the company from total disgrace. The murderer may have been the SM president, but the selfless hero in the tragedy was also an idol of the same company.

The only consolation Changmin’s family, friends, and fans had was that the president had been arrested the day right after the incident. CCTV cameras caught the whole gun firing scene, and the police had been placed on alert, keeping a lookout for the wanted man. They thankfully caught Lee Soo Man while he was trying to escape Seoul and flee to Jeju.

But even if the man responsible for the heinous crime was arrested and was now in jail waiting for his trial date, there were just some damages already done that can never be repaired.

Changmin’s life could never be returned.

Cassiopeia was brokenhearted, to say the least. After Changmin’s death, the word of the supposed-to-be DBSK reunion performance also got out to the public, as people had been wondering how Jaejoong and Changmin had come to be together on that most dreadful night. Every single Cassie was a crying, emotional mess. Not only had they lost their precious Changmin, but they also had to lose him just when their most hoped for reunion was finally about to happen.

Cassiopeia’s greatest dream had been about to be fulfilled, but it was snatched from underneath its nose.

Their reunion wish could never truly be fulfilled now. Not when the maknae was already gone from this world.

On the day of Changmin’s funeral, the whole South Korea seemed to be a red ocean. Even other citizens who weren’t really Kpop fans wore red that day, for they don’t need to be fans of Changmin to see that his sacrifice deserved to be recognized. Fans from all over the world flew to Korea to join the mourning of their idol. It would have been the most magnificent red ocean ever. And maybe it really was the most magnificent ever. But it would have been much better is the reason for such a great red ocean was not something so… tragic.

It was a sick joke of fate that the first time Yunho, Jaejoong, Yoochun, and Junsu were seen together in public again after so many years was during their maknae’s funeral. It was most cruel that, given how much suffering and hardship DBSK and its fandom already had to endure, the public “reunion” of the five members happened with one of them already lifeless and in a coffin.

A few weeks after Changmin was laid to rest, the final round of rehearsals for the SM Town concert was scheduled. The concert was postponed in light of the tragedy that happened, but they couldn’t completely cancel it. SM’s image was already in dangerous slopes as it was; they couldn’t risk angering the fans. It was a mark of the fans’ loyalty that they weren’t going to boycott the concert. It had surprised the SM artists at first, but they realized, and were most touched, that while the fans hated Lee Soo Man, they still loved the idols with all their heart.

For the fans, the SM management and idols had decided to not cancel the SM Town concert.

Only… rehearsals weren’t going well.

Okay, to be fair, the SM Town concert rehearsals had never gone completely well, given all the animosity with JYJ, especially with Jaejoong after Homin’s break-up. But now… well it had already been a few weeks since Changmin’s funeral, but it was still all too soon. No one was really in the mood to practice – to sing and dance with all they have in them. Not when the death of Changmin – their friend, their brother, their hyung, their dongsaeng – was still hanging over their heads.

It was probably the most lifeless rehearsal in all of history.

“Let’s just call it a day,” the stage director said tiredly. The gloominess and lifelessness caused its own kind of weariness, after all. And they were all realizing that this kind of tiredness was worse than the kind caused by sore muscles and aching throats. At least the latter kind brought some feeling of fulfillment.

“Just – just try to keep your spirits up, okay? Remember the energy and happiness brought by concerts. Try to do well for the fans, eh?” the man continued, looking up at the idols on the stage, some standing, some squatting, and some sitting at the edge of the stage with their legs dangling off the side.

“B-b-but,” Taemin tried to say, sounding as if he was close to tears. And when the other idols and the staff turned to look at him, he really was trying to hold back his tears. “I-it’s just n-not the same without h-hyung…”

No need to specify which hyung he was talking about.

Taemin’s words had the others also starting to sniffle. Some already had a tear rolling down their cheeks.

“And whose fault is it that Changmin’s no longer here?” Yunho suddenly said bitterly, looking down at the floor, though his eyes were narrowed and hard.

Everyone looked puzzled by Yunho’s tone and question.

“Well, it’s Lee Soo Man’s, isn’t it,” Heechul said, his voice sounding angry as he said the name of their president. Or ex-president, really. Heechul had gotten along well enough with the president before, better than other idols. But what the man did caused Heechul to feel nothing but hatred for Lee Soo Man. “And he’s going to pay heavily for it. As he should,” the diva ended in a severe tone.

But Yunho just scoffed.

“Even if Lee Soo Man fired that gun, it shouldn’t have been Changmin who had gotten shot. It should have been someone else who had died.”

Breaths were sharply drawn all over the venue. Everyone exchanged uncomfortable looks, finally understanding what Yunho was trying to say. They still disliked Jaejoong, for leaving the company and for causing Homin’s break-up. But none of them actually wished for his death. As much as they despised Jaejoong’s treachery, they didn’t think it was reason to be killed for. They couldn’t blame Changmin’s death on Jaejoong if they tried.

Not for Yunho, though. Yunho’s words now made it clear that he blamed Jaejoong.

And now Jaejoong was looking so pale and horrified more than he had ever looked so in his life before.

“Now, Yunho-“ the DBSK manager began carefully. He was seated with the other managers at the first row of seats in front of the stage. He could see where his idol was going with this, and he couldn’t really fault Yunho for it, but really. Now just wasn’t the time for it.

Yunho, however, shook his head vehemently. “It should have been him who died, not Changmin!” he spat, finally looking up from the ground, only to glare daggers at Jaejoong.

Yunho had practically been out of his mind since Changmin’s death. His dominant emotions had been pain and grief, but now, anger was intensifying again. Anger that was, of course, all directed at Jaejoong.

In the DBSK leader’s eyes, he had lost the only member who had stayed by his side all these years, all thanks again to Kim Jaejoong. One more thing in his life that was ruined by Jaejoong. Jaejoong had ruined Yunho’s group, dreams, hearts, and relationship with Changmin. But apparently those still weren’t enough for Jaejoong. Because of him, DBSK was now completely ruined. Yunho was left all alone. Well, at least that’s how he felt. DBSK had gone from a group, to a duo, and now it was only Yunho left.

All thanks to Kim Jaejoong.

It didn’t seem like it was possible for Yunho’s anger and bitterness to grow even more, but they did.

“Are you actually wishing Jaejoong hyung to be dead instead?!” Yoochun shouted now. Okay, Yunho had been angry with Jaejoong for so long – yes, Yoochun knew that. Everybody did. But, really?! To actually say something like that?! He had been holding his temper when it came to the leader’s attitude since their return, but this was too much! Yunho had crossed the line too far this time!

“Of course you would want Jaejoong alive over Changmin!” Yunho scoffed at Yoochun, though his glaring eyes were still fixed on the pale and trembling Jaejoong. “You’d pick Jaejoong over Changmin, like you had years ago when you left with Jaejoong and abandoned Changmin. And now you’d really rather have Jaejoong alive than Changmin!”

“I am not saying that! Don’t twist my words! Of course I wouldn’t wish Jaejoong hyung to live and have Changmin die instead! What I’d rather have is both of them alive!” Yoochun said angrily. He couldn’t believe that Yunho was still bringing up their departure from SM years ago and using it in such as sick and faulty analogy!

“Yoochun, calm down,” the JYJ manager said, though he too was finding it hard to calm down at Yunho’s words. However, the man recognize that it was a poor choice to cause a scene in front of so many others.

But Yoochun wasn’t to be held back. “I would never be able to wish for to be dead in someone’s place instead! That’s just horrible! And you’re horrible for wanting it!” he spat at Yunho.

Yunho just ignored him and snarled at Jaejoong, who was at the other end of the stage, “I bet you’re happy now, aren’t you? You’ve managed to force Changmin to break up with me, and now, with him dead, he’s totally no longer in your way!”

Everyone gasped at such an accusation.

Jaejoong flinched, and he choked out through his tears, “I n-never w-wanted –!”

“I KNOW YOU’RE GODDAMN HAPPY THAT CHANGMIN’S DEAD NOW! DON’T DENY IT!”

Yunho’s anger, already so great to begin with, was fueled even more by his grief at Changmin’s death. Also, the grief even made him more irrational, clearly.

But back-up for Jaejoong came. And it wasn’t from Yoochun, Junsu, nor the JYJ manager.

“Oh, for God’s sake! Leave him alone already, will you?!” Kyuhyun suddenly said out loud, glaring at Yunho from his place beside his fellow Super Junior members.

Yunho was speechless with surprise for a moment, but he soon rounded on Kyuhyun instead. “How can you even be defending him?! You were Changmin’s best friend!”

“YAH! DON’T TAKE THAT TONE ON MY BABY!” the mama bear Leeteuk bellowed at once. He didn’t like Jaejoong, and he sympathized with Yunho’s grief, but there was no way he would let even one of his oldest and dearest friends talk to his precious baby KyuKyu that way!

“Your baby is siding with a traitor! That makes him treacherous as well!”

Those words instantly turned the Super Junior members’ faces mutinous. They all protested angrily at Yunho’s words about their maknae, filling the venue with echoes of furious shouts. This is why it was never, ever a good idea to mess with Kyuhyun. Not only is he an evil maknae who would be out for vengeance, but he also had a lot of hyungs who, as much as they were annoyed by his pranks, would be ready to kill anyone that crossed their darling maknae.

“I am only respecting Changmin’s wishes!” Kyuhyun voiced out amid the angry protests of hyungs, meeting Yunho’s glare steadily. “He willingly gave his life so that Jaejoong could stay alive! Stay alive for you!”

“I have no need –!”

“Get real, Yunho! You still love him! You admitted it to me even before JYJ returned to SM!” Heechul cut off Yunho.

Everyone gasped. What?! Yunho still loved Jaejoong?!

And of course no one doubted that Yunho really did admit it. Not when it came from Heechul. Heechul can be counted on to know all the juicy happenings about everyone, after all. The diva was privy to all kinds of gossip, and therefore he was a reliable source.

Yunho was torn between feeling angry and betrayed, and the look he gave Heechul said as much. How could Heechul just reveal that secret confession in front of all their colleagues just like that?!

In Heechul’s point of view, however, Yunho deserved to be outed like that. The second oldest of Super Junior may not act as much as a mother hen as Leeteuk does, but he was actually fiercer in defending his dongsaengs, especially when it was the maknae. Not to mention that Heechul also thought that Yunho’s denial has gone long enough. He couldn’t say he approved of that love, given Jaejoong’s history with SM, but he also knew that Yunho was a huge idiot to deny it.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Yunho hissed, shaking his head in vain denial. “You –!”

“Enough!” the DBSK and Super Junior manager shouted together, both already standing right in front of the stage at this point, looking up at their idols on the raised ground and giving them disapproving looks.

“I can’t believe you’re actually fighting right now!” the Super Junior manager grounded out. “Your groups are two of the closest ones, and you choose to fight at such a horrible time!”

“Well, it’s just another bad side effect of his return, then!” Yunho turned to glare at Jaejoong again. As usual, he was blaming everything on his ex-lover. “He causes problems wherever he goes! Maybe it was a good thing when he left SM in the first place! Too bad he actually had the nerve to return!”

“Is it true?” Kangta interrupted, his gaze firmly fixed on Yunho. “Is it true you still love him?” He glanced briefly at Jaejoong before looking back at Yunho again. He couldn’t help but ask, astounded that Yunho could still love Jaejoong.

“Of course it’s not!” Yunho said right away.

“Yunho…” Taeyeon trailed off uncertainly. She didn’t know what to say. Like the others, she couldn’t und