It shouldn't matter – Donghae was happy now. He deserved to be happy because–. 

Kibum swallowed loudly. 

Why did Donghae deserve to be happy? Why did he deserve to be happy while Kibum was feeling like this? Wasn't he responsible for all this? Donghae had laughed him in the face; creating a dream and pretending he didn't know it would never come true. Of course Donghae knew they would never end up together again. He had lied to him, taking Kibum as a joke. He had ripped Kibum's heart and soul out mercilessly and still kept pretending like he didn't know this would happen. Why did someone like him deserve to be happy? that! This was all Donghae's fault. Ever since Donghae got into this school Kibum had been one of the few standing up for him when people–, no when Eunhyuk, had bullied him. And for what? A heartbreak? Humiliation? Betrayal?  
Donghae didn't deserve to be happy.

~ * ~

Summer was about to end. Both young males could clearly feel it now, when they were walking in a chilly wind and under grey clouds. The uniform wasn't suited for this type of weather and they were both freezing. Donghae was silently praying that it wouldn't rain. 

The whole walk from their dorm to the main building gave Donghae time to update Siwon about Eunhyuk. Siwon didn't say a word during the whole walk, but kept his role as a silent listener. It wasn't till they were inside their classroom that Donghae was done telling him everything he had in mind. 

“Do you have any idea” Siwon asked, gesturing with his hands, widening his eyes and emphasizing the last two words, “what you're doing?” 

Donghae shook his head, nibbling his bottom lip to prevent himself from speaking before thinking. Did he really have any idea what he was doing? “I'm not sure.” he said honestly, sitting down on his seat. “Things are going fine, but–” Donghae went quiet when Siwon hit his arm with his elbow, nodding a little at the door's direction.

Eunhyuk, Sungmin and Shindong entered the room loudly; Sungmin talking about the new pink sweater he bought and Shindong talking about how hungry he was because he hadn't eaten breakfast. Eunhyuk seemed to be in his own world. Donghae sighed, because Siwon was this kind of guy who always gave you sincere and good advices no matter what it was about. And now, of all times, when Donghae was in desperately need for guidance when the three males interrupted them. 

He watched the three of them take their seats; Eunhyuk almost smashing his bag on his desk, making some students jump in surprise. He pulled the chair out in one motion and sat down; arms stretched and his forehead against the desk. Sungmin, who was sitting beside him, chuckled and ruffled his hair – Dongahe feeling a weak stab in his heart – before taking his books out of his bag. 


The lesson was boring – what a surprise – and the math teacher never stopped giving Donghae theselooks. He didn't have to verbally call Donghae an idiot, because his eyes spoke for themselves. At one point Donghae dared to glare back at him and the teacher replied his glare by asking out loud “Do you have a problem, Lee Donghae?”. And when Donghae didn't have any other option than to say no and apologize he caused almost the whole class to giggle. Donghae sighed silently to himself. 

Another week, he thought, You can do it, Hae.

~ * ~

And yes, believe it or not, Donghae did it. This week went suspiciously good, just like the dance practices after school. When the week ended Donghae could easily say he was proud of himself.  


Sungmin went home this weekend, and Donghae wouldn't have known if it wasn't for him overhearing Sungmin turning a group of friends down who had asked him to come to a party. But he didn't manage to hear which time his classmate would leave, so it wasn't until Saturday evening that Donghae dared to knock on the door leading to the room almost right next to his own.

No one opened, which didn't surprise Donghae. Eunhyuk usually went out with his friends during weekends, but it was worth a shot. To be on the safe side he knocked again but couldn't hear any signs of someone being inside the room. He sighed a little to himself when he suddenly thought hearing something; a small but still heavy object being dropped. 

“Hyukjae?” he said in a low voice, mouth close to the door, and when he heard steps approaching he took a few steps backwards. 

“Why didn't you open?” was the first thing Donghae said when seeing the dancer standing in the doorway.  

“I thought you were someone else.” 

“Who?”

“What do you want?” Eunhyuk asked instead in a not so pleasant tone, immediately remembering that he needed to make sure no one was in the corridor except from them.

“Sungmin shi won't be here this weekend, right?”

Eunhyuk raised one eyebrow. “How did you know that?”

“I heard him talking to some friends.”

Once again Eunhyuk looked to both his left and right. He didn't see anyone, but after a few seconds he heard the main door to the boys' dorm open. He didn't know if it was someone entering or exiting the building, but that didn't matter. He grabbed Donghae's shirt and harshly pulled him inside.

“You gotta stop knocking on my door. There are other students here except from us two, you know.”

Donghae found a million ways to snap back. Did people even care about who Eunhyuk let in in his room and not? But instead of trying to 'win' this conversation he decided to ignore it. He silently watched Eunhyuk walk over to his bed. He laid down on his stomach and grabbed a book Donghae didn't realize was there till now.

“Were you reading?” he asked, and the question was too obvious for Eunhyuk to reply. Instead he moved a little, leaving more space beside him. 

Donghae didn't know if he did it unconsciously, maybe he just shifted himself to lie more comfortably, or if he did it as a gesture of invitation. He looked at the dancer for any inviting signs but got nothing, not even a single glance. Was he ignoring him? 
  
Gaining enough courage Donghae slowly walked over and sat down beside the dancer. Eunhyuk didn't protest. 

“What are you reading?” 

Eunhyuk moved yet a little closer to the wall. “A book”. Donghae rolled his eyes.

Honestly they didn't really have anything to talk about, and Donghae started to feel stupid for coming in the first place without a purpose. He was considering whether he should just stand up, excuse himself and leave or just sit there quietly like an idiot.

“It's the one we got from the English teacher.” Eunhyuk suddenly said and Donghae had to think for a moment before getting what Eunhyuk was talking about. 

“I still haven't finished it yet.” he replied, feeling jealous when realizing Eunhyuk only had a few pages left. 

“I'm almost done.” 

Once again both males went quiet, but Eunhyuk didn't seem too uncomfortable about it like Donghae seemed. 

“I can tell you what happens, so you won't have to read it.” Eunhyuk said and Donghae raised his eyebrows in surprise. 

Under normal circumstances he would've said no thanks. Donghae was here to learn and he was old enough to do his own homework. But these weren't normal circumstances because that book was a living hell – a pole right through your brain – and it was Eunhyuk offering to help him. That's why he nodded.

“Lie down.” Eunhyuk said, and Donghae hesitated a few seconds before doing as he was told, also laying down on his stomach. 


**


Kibum was immature and he knew it. He was immature because he was just a young boy in love. That was his excuse to why he was feeling like this. That was also his excuse to why he was having a camera on the desk he was sitting at and newly printed pictures in his hands. The pictures were taken without a flash and the two males, sitting on the floor in one of the many practice rooms were without knowledge of the photographer's presence. He slowly put the pictures in a white envelope and stretched his arm to grab a black marker pen.

“What are you doing?” he suddenly heard Ryeowook, who came back earlier then planned, ask, making Kibum flinch and immediately put the envelope in the drawer of his desk. 

“Nothing.” he said in a shaky voice, after having to clear his throat. 

Ryeowook kicked his shoes off before walking over to his friend. He placed both his hands on Kibum's shoulders, massaging him a little, and rested his chin on top of his head. “How are you feeling?” he asked concerned. 

That question made Kibum freeze. His heart was beating fast and he fist his hands to not show the other he was shaking. He swallowed. “A little better.” he replied. He didn't know if he was lying or not. 


**


They were lying beside each other, lying on their back and facing the ceiling. Going through the book had taken them a little less than ten minutes and now, with the book aside, they were in the same situation as before; not having anything to talk about. They weren't even touching or looking at each other, but Donghae still enjoyed it. Without making it obvious he moved just a little closer so that his arm ended up touching Eunhyuk's arm. Eunhyuk didn't move away.

“You talk a lot.” Eunhyuk suddenly broke the silence; eyes still on the ceiling. It wasn't an insult but a statement. “Too much sometimes. So much that it even makes me dizzy.”

Donghae frowned a little but fought against the feeling of wanting to snap back. He moved so that he was lying on the side; facing the dancer and using his right hand to support his head. 

“But you're an honest person.” 

Eunhyuk was relaxed, Donghae could see it and that made his heart warm because that meant Eunhyuk was comfortable around him. He nodded a little; not because he agreed but just to show that he was listening. 

The dancer turned his head; eyes looking directly into Donghae's, and Donghae felt his heart skip a beat. His eyes were soft and pure and innocent, like a little boy who was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and Donghae felt like he would cross fire and water to protect that little boy.

“I'm not like you.” he said in a low voice. “I don't know how to be honest and talk as much as you do.”

“You can learn.”

Eunhyuk went quiet, frowned a little at Donghae's fast and childish reply before he chuckled. He shook his head a little and turned back to look at the white ceiling. “We're different.”

“No, our friends are different.” 

If it was something Eunhyuk didn't like then it would be to admit he was wrong. At least to someone like Donghae - it's like letting a dongsaeng scold you. But he couldn't help but think that maybe Donghae was right. That was until he realized that he had done everything his hyungs had done. He had done everything they had told him to do, illegal things, bullied people, just like them. Was he really any different? No, not really.

“You're not making any sense.” 

“Yes I am, and you kno–”

Deciding that he wasn't in the mood for arguing about who was right and who was wrong, Eunhyuk raised his upper body a little and silenced the younger with his index finger against his lips. Donghae immediately went quiet, his cheeks getting slightly redder, and Eunhyuk moved his fingers from Donghae's lips to his own. Shh.

“Don't do that.” Donghae said under his breath; hating his own skin color for a moment because when you're pale not one single blush passes unnoticed. Eunhyuk smiled a little to himself, obviously finding it amusing how easily he could affect the other, before getting back to his lying position. He placed both his hands behind his head, his elbow touching Donghae's upper part of his right arm. 

“I don't love you.” he said. “I'm not in love with you. I just need you. I don't know why. I guess it makes me feel safe, because I know I can trust you.” 

“You're talking as if you want me to be your brother or something. You don't have with a brother.” Donghae said, and the way he raised his eyebrows and looked at Eunhyuk as if he had some kind of a weird disease made Eunhyuk chuckle again. 

“You're such an idiot.” he said, and strangely enough it didn't sound like a serious insult to either one of them. 

“No, I'm not. I stand out as an idiot because when you talk you don't make any sense at all.” 

“Whatever.” 

Silence. Donghae asked himself for how long they had been staying like that, in Eunhyuk's bed. They weren't fighting and there was no tension in the air. It was just the two of them lying in Eunhyuk's narrow bed, in a small room of a huge building, in a dim light. The world could be destroyed into a trillion pieces and they wouldn't care. They wouldn't care because while the world was out there –  cars hooting their horn, people running back and forth on the street – they were in here, safe and isolated and timeless. 

It was almost as if they actually were friends. Almost as if they were a couple, almost as if they were in love and meant for each other. 

“I'm scared.” 

For a split second Donghae stopped breathing and for a split second he wondered if he had imagined what he just heard. He had always known there was something wrong with Eunhyuk, ever since the first day. He didn't know why or what or when, he only knew something wasn't right. But now, hearing Eunhyuk say it out loud, it came as a shock. Why would Eunhyuk be scared of anything? The studentswere the ones who were supposed to be scared, not Eunhyuk.

Donghae didn't know what to reply. Comfort him, even though he wasn't crying? Tell him everything was going to be okay, even after he just said he was scared? He got the feeling Eunhyuk didn't even expect him to reply anything. 

“I don't... I'm not really sure what to do.” his voice was calm and composed, but Donghae knew the dancer was anything but calmed and composed in both heart and mind. “I don't want your advice or your protection.” he said. “I just want you to be there in case something happens.” 

Donghae swallowed loudly, his mouth getting dry. He never found the courage to ask what Eunhyuk meant.
 

~ * ~

”Did you miss me?” Sungmin asked, a huge smile pasted on his face, as soon as Eunhyuk opened the door.

“Barely. Why did you knock? You have the keys.” 

Sungmin pouted, giving his two bags to Eunhyuk because he didn't want to carry them himself. “I missed you too” he said and stepped in. “It was nice meeting my parents and brother and all, but jeez, so boring.”

Eunhyuk chuckled silently and left the bags on Sungmin's bed before walking over to sit on the small, dark blue couch and turn his attention back to the music show at the TV screen. 

“What have you been up to?” he asked after taking off his outdoor clothes and started to unpack.

“Nothing. I've studied.”

“Aw, such a good boy.” Sungmin said in a high pitched voice, which made Eunhyuk frown in disgust. 

“That's for you.” he said instead and pointed at Sungmin's desk without even minding to look. 

A white envelope was waiting for him there, with nothing but "Lee Sungmin" written on it. 

“What's that?”

“An elephant.”

“Very funny. It's must be from someone in the school”. 

Eunhyuk turned his head to look at his roommate, who was holding up the envelope so he could see. “It only has my name on, no address.”

Eunhyuk shrugged his shoulders and raised one eyebrow, eyes asking “so?” and Sungmin stuck his tongue out to his friend for his lack of interest before he opened the envelope. 

“I bet it's a love letter.” he said and smiled cockily.  

“Who would write you a love letter?” 

Sungmin chuckled challenging. “I could name you twenty people straight off, honey.” 


The letter itself wasn't what gained Eunhyuk's attention - it was Sungmin's sudden silence. And even though Eunhyuk had decided he wouldn't even pretend to care what the letter was about, curiosity took over. He turned around, his chin resting over the backrest of the couch. “And?” he asked, but got no reply.

Sungmin was looking at what he was holding with confused eyes, his mouth slightly open in shock and his face pale.   

“Sungmin ah?” Eunhyuk got no reply, but he didn't need one to know something wasn't right. “What's wrong?” he asked, afraid that his friend might have gotten bad news or something like that. 

Slowly Sungmin raised his head to face the dancer. “What the is this?” he asked in a whisper and held up one of the three pictures for Eunhyuk to see.

Hyukjae felt his heart stop at the sight of himself and Donghae.

Posted on: 26th April, 2012. Thursday.