Realizing what he was doing, Donghae opened his eyes and pulled away, his eyes meeting with Kibum's confused eyes; confused both because Donghae had kissed him and for pulling away so suddenly.

“I'm sorry.” Donghae said and moved a little, to not sit that close to his dongsaeng. Kibum didn't do anything to stop Donghae from moving. 

“Don't be.” he said instead. “It's okay.”

Donghae shook his head a little. “No, really, I'm sorry. I don't like you that way, Kibum.”

There was a silence in the room, and suddenly Donghae felt like the biggest on earth. A bigger than Eunhyuk, Heechul and all other mini gangsters. He couldn't believe he just had put himself in a situation were he was being forced to say something like that; hurting his childhood best friend like that. Suddenly, after Kibum said what he had said, things started to clear up and Donghae didn't feel like just an then but a as well.

“You're already in love, aren't you?” Kibum asked, his voice still low and calmed. Answering was pointless, Kibum already knew the obvious answer. “You're not the type to screw around with random people.” he continued, and Donghae knew Kibum was referring to the mark on his neck. “Are you dating someone?” 

Every time Donghae had thought about that question, asking himself the same thing, he felt a sudden pain in his chest. He shook his head.

“But you are in love?” 

A nod. 

“I can live with that.” 

What Kibum was suggesting didn't reach Donghae's brain until after some seconds. Suddenly everything was taking a sudden turn and Donghae was expecting anything but that.

“I can't go out with you if I'm not in love with you.”

“Why not?” 

The younger one's stubbornness and confident made Donghae speechless. Absurdly enough it took some moments for him to come up with reasons.

“Because!” he said as if it was a matter of course which it, to him, also was. He dried the rest of his tears with the back of his right hand before continuing. “It's cruel and wrong and selfish. I don't even need to tell you the reason, because you alre–”

“Your love is one sided, isn't it?” Kibum suddenly said, making Donghae go silent. “Then you know how I feel.”

A feeling of being in this situation before crossed Donghae's mind and heart, and it didn't take long before he understood why. He saw himself as Eunhyuk; the one holding a innocent human being's heart in his hands. He had over and over asked Eunhyuk about giving him a chance, asking for a chance to get loved, hoping that in one way or another make the other fall in love with him.

“I'll make you fall in love with me again. Please.” 

He saw Kibum as himself; the one who was desperate to reach his goal, desperate to be loved back. Kibum was asking what Donghae had asked for and Donghae was, just like Eunhyuk, torturing him. 

“Give me a chance.” 

Knowing how much he himself had suffered, he couldn't let Kibum feel the same. He nodded. 


**


“I'm not gonna go after Eunhyuk anymore.” Donghae randomly said, and made a surprised Siwon leave the book aside to give his full attention to Donghae. But Donghae didn't have anything else to say, so he stayed quiet.

“What made you finally realize that he wasn't a good choice?” Siwon asked, emphasizing the word 'finally', as if one of their biggest problems finally was out of the way. Donghae didn't have an good answer he could give Siwon. He could say Eunhyuk was a liar, a selfish idiot, a snob, a hypocrite or a ing psychopath with a multiple personality. But no matter what he said he knew Siwon already knew what kind of a person Eunhyuk was, and nothing would surprise him. So there was really no point in even trying to tell him. Instead, he just shrugged his shoulders a little, and Siwon probably thought the exact same thing Donghae had been thinking. Words weren't really that necessary. 

“You know that ex I told you about?” Donghae said instead, when Siwon thought they had ended the conversation and had picked up his book again. Siwon nodded. “It's Kibum.”

The book in Siwon's hands fell to the bed after he suddenly lost the grip on it. He looked at Donghae with huge eyes. 

“He didn't want me to tell anyone because he said it wasn't any of their business. But I think he was just ashamed.”

“I didn't know he liked guys.” Siwon said, being completely taken off guard.

“Apparently no one here knows. Except from us.” 

Siwon suddenly felt slightly awkward. Not because he knew Kibum liked guys too, but because he had no idea why Donghae was telling him something so private about Kibum; Kibum being someone that wasn't even that close of a friend to Siwon. But he knew Donghae had more to say about the matter than just gossip, so he just sat quietly and waited. 

“We're back together now.” 

If the first thing surprised Siwon then he had no idea what to call the second thing Donghae said. Really, was Donghae trying to give him a heart attack or something? He barely even made a pause while talking, not giving Siwon time to even take in what he was saying. Being unable to reply in words, Siwon just raised his right hand; a gesture that clearly said 'stop', to ask Donghae for some time to think. 

“Do you like them both?” he asked, when he thought himself being attentive enough of what Donghae was saying.

“Kibum is in love with me, but I'm not in love with him. He knows that.” 

Silence. Donghae obviously needed to explain himself a little better. “Kibum is an amazing guy and we share a past together. If I give him a chance I think I might fall for him again.”

“But you're not sure.” 

“No, but almost.” 

Siwon chuckled a little. “You can't be 'almost' sure of something like that.” Donghae couldn't reply to that in a sensible way. “He is in love with you, right? You're doing something cruel, Donghae yah.” Still no reply from the brunette. “You know you can't fall out of love with someone that easily, nor fall in love with someone. It's not something you decide.”

“Kibum knows that.”

“He doesn't, because he's blinded. You're going to hurt him.”

“I would never do that.”

“Unconsciously.” 

Deep inside Donghae knew Siwon was right. Using Kibum in a way like that would be cruel and selfish, something that a best friend simply can't do. 

“I don't know what I'm supposed to do.” Donghae sighed as he drew his hands through his soft hair, his hands grabbing the base of it; as if he was about to pull all his hair off. Maybe he should simply move back to Mokpo and forget that he ever started this school. That thought was disturbingly tempting. Even though Siwon would do anything to help him, both of them knew that he, right now, honestly couldn't do much for his friend. He let go of his hair and threw his head back, the back of his head hitting the wall. It hurt a little but he didn't care; he could actually need a hard punch to get his thoughts straight. He did that again; throwing his head back a little and again hitting the wall. He did that three more times until Siwon asked what the heck he was doing.
 

~ * ~

They were back to day one. Those days where Eunhyuk had the top spot on his hate-list. Those days where Eunhyuk was the reason for Donghae's homesickness. Eunhyuk was pushing him in the corridors, hard enough for Donghae to get nosebleed once, and bruises all over his arms and legs. Sungmin was standing beside him the whole time, laughing at whenever they said or did something to Donghae. Shindong was there too, and some other friends, finding the whole situation amusing and cheering to whoever decided to be the one pushing the new student. It was like nothing had ever changed and nothing had ever happened and Donghae didn't know what to think.
 

~ * ~

The next day wasn't any different, and Donghae made it official that yes, things were back to how they were in the beginning. That was the only thing he was thinking as he was being pressed up against the wall in the corridor of the boys' dorms. But when Heechul pressed one hand flat on the wall, right beside Donghae's head, Donghae was too scared to think about anything at all. Without saying anything Heechul dug his free hand deep in Donghae's pants pocket, while the ones standing behind the senior just laughed at how close Heechul dared to be. When pulling his hand up again Heechul held something that made Donghae's heart skip a beat. The skinny leader opened the brown wallet and carefully examined it. “I'm surprised your wallet is so full.” he said and nodded slowly. 

“Give it back.” Donghae said in a low voice; all seven students behind Heechul chuckling at Donghae's hesitance. Heechul smirked and reached his hand to give the wallet to the closest person standing right next to him: Eunhyuk. 

“Having so much money should be uncomfortable for him, don't you think?” he asked Eunhyuk before turning his face back to Donghae with a sneer. “So unfamiliar.” 

Eunhyuk didn't reply. Instead he was focusing on not letting his eyes meet Donghae's, so he had his eyes switching between looking at the wallet in his hands and his hyung. “Take his money out.”

By accident, Eunhyuk happened to lock eyes with Donghae. And as soon as he realized they were looking at each other, Eunhyuk immediately looked away, down at the wallet again. He did as he was told; taking the money out and reaching it over to Heechul. Heechul made a face of disgust.

“I don't want that. It's dirty.” he said, while the ones standing behind him agreed. “Rip it.” 

Both Eunhyuk and Donghae widened their eyes. Eunhyuk turned to look at Heechul, as if he was asking Heechul to repeat what he just had, and Heechul complied. 

“Rip it.” he said again.

Trying to ignore those big chocolate brown eyes that were eying him, asking him to please not listen to his senior, Eunhyuk did as he was told; ripping the few bills in half. And then again and again, leaving only small pieces of valueless paper. He let them fall down to the floor, still refusing to look at the younger, even after he was done. The students started laughing loudly, joking and singing over how pathetic Donghae was and how he could feel a lot more comfortable now with an empty wallet. Donghae didn't say anything but just crouched down to pick up what Eunhyuk had ripped before making his way out of the small crowd, receiving pushes on the way out. He went straight back to his room; locking the door behind him and cursing himself from leaving the room in the first place. 
 

~ * ~

After that incident Eunhyuk seemed to avoid Donghae. Perhaps it was the bad conscience over what he had done yesterday or perhaps he simply had other things in mind. Judging by what had happened between them Donghae thought that the reason must be bad conscience. They still had something there. Donghae didn't know whether it was love, hate, attraction or sympathy, but something was be there. That was what he thought until now. Now, Donghae would say Eunhyuk simply had other things in mind rather than having a bad conscience.

All students were sitting in the main assembly room; a huge room with high ceiling and crystal lamps. The students were sitting on each side of the four walls, listening to the principal Lee Soo-Man, who was standing in the middle, talking about the changes in the school. Though Donghae stopped listening when seeing Eunhyuk, who was sitting on the row opposite to him. Sungmin was to his right, obviously not listening to what the principal was saying since his cell phone seemed to be way more important at the moment, and a unknown girl was sitting to his left – a girl that apparently was a friend to the blonde, Donghae noticed, since they were talking, also about something way more important that what the man in the centre was saying. The two boys locked eyes; knowing for sure they were looking at each other even though they had a long distance between them. Suddenly Eunhyuk smirked, his arm raising and protectively resting over the girl's shoulders, and she didn't seem to mind at all. But the girl didn't let that distract her from her chat with the blonde, but just put her small hand on Eunhyuk's thigh. And he didn't seem to mind at all. Donghae, deciding then and there that Eunhyuk couldn't possibly be more of an , tried his best to not amuse Eunhyuk by giving them his full attention. 

But soon the two girls seemed to run out of topic, and after some moments of silence the girl leaned against Eunhyuk, whispering something in his ear. Eunhyuk smiled and nodded, while Donghae – on the other side of the spacious room – saw everything turn red.

“I was barely listening.” Siwon said as all students made their way out of the room; some students seemed to be in a hurry since they forced their way through the crowd; hurting one or two other students on the way.

“Same here.” Donghae said, cursing under his breath when feeling a guy pushing him hard to force his way past him. 

“Yeah, you didn't seem that concentrated.”

Donghae pretended he didn't hear that because of how loudly everyone else were being. “What do you want to eat now for dinner?” he asked instead, changing the subject. 


**


It was Thursday today, which mean that most students were actually obedient about the 10 p.m rule. Usually this day, Thursday particularly – having spent 4 full days in school and still having one day left till Friday –, the students were too tired to revolt. So when Donghae got up to get a glass of water at 11p.m he didn't get surprised when meeting a dark, empty corridor. He had troubles sleeping, and after lying in bed for almost 40 minutes straight he had decided to simply read himself tired. They still had that boring English book that needed to be read. 

“You got over your so called 'love' pretty damn fast, huh?” 

Donghae jumped in surprised, almost dropping the glass in his hand. He turned and saw a half brunette, dressed in only baggy sweat pants; leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Donghae put the glass in the kitchen sink and sighed; hating the fact that Eunhyuk and him lived on the same floor, with only a door between their rooms, and had to share kitchen.

“With you acting like this it wasn't actually that hard.” he said before reaching out for some paper and dried his hands. He threw the paper in the trash can beside him. 

“Funny.” Eunhyuk said, still not moving from where he was standing. He knew Donghae had to pass him to get back to his room. “Because while still acting like this a specific someone 'fell in love' with me.” 

“Did you come here to make fun of me?”

“Yes, I'm actually pretty bored.” 

Donghae sighed in irritation before making his way towards the corridor. “I'm not in the mood for your bull.” His heart started to pick up a quicker pace as he got closer to the dancer. He didn't get surprised when seeing Eunhyuk move a little; completely blocking the way out. He actually saw that coming. “Move.” Donghae simply said and stopped dead short. 

“Why?” 

“Why not?” 

Eunhyuk smirked. “Because I don't want to.” 

Donghae couldn't stop thinking that this was just what he needed. A immature brat acting like a child that was born only to irritate and annoy everyone in his way. Great, just plain ing great. 

“You picked the wrong day to with me, Eunhyuk” Donghae said, and suddenly wasn't that cute little puppy anymore. He was being honest when saying that he wasn't in the mood for bull. “So move before I break your ing nose.”

For a second, Eunhyuk seemed to conciser whether he should listen to the threat or not. Donghae had never been scary or dangerous before and he doubted that he would actually hurt him. Deciding that yes, Donghae was too weak for that, Eunhyuk smirked in triumph. “I would like to see you try.” 

Luckily for Eunhyuk, his dancing skills had given him fast reflexes. Suddenly he was holding Donghae's knuckles in his left hand, not that far away from his own face. His hand was stinging. Donghae was going to hit him. He was actually going to hit him. And damn, he wasn't as week as he seemed to be. Eunhyuk didn't know if he wanted to laugh or not, but something stopped him from laughing out loud. 

“You're being serious.” was the only thing that slipped out of his mouth, voice filled with surprise and disbelief. 

“Pretty damn serious.” Donghae said and was about to pull his hand out of Eunhyuk's grip. But when he did Eunhyuk tightened his grip; preventing Donghae from pulling away. His fingers suddenly started caressing Donghae's hand; making it impossible for Donghae's tensed hand to stay tensed. Eunhyuk was ing with him. ing with his mind and playing with his feelings. He was cruel and brutal, and Donghae couldn't take it.

“Stop it” he begged in a low voice; hating himself for sounding so pathetic and desperate when only seconds earlier finding the courage to sound pissed. Eunhyuk chuckled softly, but this time not in an amused way. He didn't stop. 

“I thought you liked like this.” he said in a gentle voice, too gentle for Donghae's liking. 

“Why are you doing this?” the younger of them asked, tears threatening to pour down. 

Eunhyuk didn't answer right away. Maybe he was thinking over the answer because he didn't know, or maybe he was deciding whether it was worth answering or not. Donghae didn't know. But after some seconds the dancer opened his mouth to speak. “I don't know.” he said with pure honesty in his voice.

Staying like that for some moments, their fingers slowly weaving together, neither of them said anything. They had been standing like that only for some seconds, but for Donghae that was more than he had asked for. 

“Are you trying to get back with me?” Donghae suddenly asked.

Eunhyuk chuckled again. ”Don't think that highly about yourself.” He let go of Donghae's hand. ”Of course not.” 

Donghae hated himself for ruining the moment, by saying something like that; something that was pretty stupid to ask considering who he actually was talking to. But then he realized there never really was 'a moment'. It was all fake.

“I don't know why I even asked. As if someone like you would ever answer something like that honestly.” 

Eunhyuk frowned a little, being slightly offended over what Donghae just had said, but then he realized there was no need to care even a little about what Donghae thought. 

“Let's say”, he started instead, as he moved a step closer to Donghae. “that I actually want you back.” He took another step and Donghae, being afraid to betray himself and fall like a faithful lapdog, took a step back. “What would you do?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, what would you do. Would you tell me to off,” another step forward; now standing only inches away from the slightly shorter singer. “or would you get back with me?” He was standing close, so close Donghae could feel that familiar scent. So close Donghae could look right into his eyes; almost looking right into his soul. Behind those cocky and confident eyes Donghae actually saw a hint of uncertainty. He placed one hand on the dancer's chest and pushed him away; holding him at arm's length.

“I would tell you to go to hell.” 

“You sure of that?” Eunhyuk asked, Donghae's hand not stopping him from moving closer again.“Because I don't think you would.” Suddenly Donghae felt his hand being pressed between their chests, and Eunhyuk's mouth ghosting over his ear. “I don't think you would tell me to go anywhere.” he whispered into his ear and Donghae felt the need to grab something because his knees were too weak to keep him straight up. He felt those thick lips his cheek; making their way towards Donghae's mouth. When feeling them on the corner of his mouth, Eunhyuk practically breathing into Donghae's mouth, Donghae parted his lips.

“I'm with Kibum now.” he said in a low voice, but Eunhyuk heard him perfectly and froze; his eyes immediately loosing focus on Donghae's lips. He pulled away a little to look Donghae in the eyes. “I'm with Kibum now and I want you to leave me alone.” 

Eunhyuk was still silent; his eyebrows raising slightly in surprise. He looked Donghae right in the eyes and seeing those dark brown eyes growing disappointment and surprise made Donghae's heart ache. The dancer pulled away even more, chuckling from his nose.

“Good.” he said, even though his voice said something else. “I suppose you can finally leave me alone then.”

Donghae didn't have time to reply before the older one turned his back to the singer and disappeared into his room. 

Yes, Donghae thought, I suppose I can finally leave you alone then.

Updated on: 26th February, 2012. Sunday.