He didn't need him. He didn't need him. Perhaps he needed someone but not him. He could do just fine without him. Honestly, he should even feel better by not having that beggar all over him anymore. But something was missing, and no matter how many times Eunhyuk told his thoughts to go and themselves, he could feel in his heart that something was missing. He wasn't used to having someone who actually... cared about him.

Eunhyuk stopped walking, dead short. He raised one eyebrow to himself. What the heck was he thinking? Of course he had people caring about him, why was he being such a drama queen? He had his hyungs who had always been there for him. Sure, their taste of humor was rather... odd, and they didn't give a crap about some people. But that wasn't something that was in Eunhyuk's way, because they cared about him. He didn't need anyone else except from them. Not Donghae or “someone”. Though the hyungs weren't in love with him, something Donghae supposedly was. Maybe that was what he was missing, someone that cared about him in that way. But now that didn't matter at all, because Donghae was fake. That bastard had the face to call Eunhyuk a liar without even taking a look at himself. He was the biggest liar of them all; one day being completely in love with him and the next screwing someone else. He was a and a liar and just as fake as Eunhyuk himself was.

Eunhyuk sighed. Whatever, he thought and shrugged his shoulders a little to himself, I don't need anyone. Not the hyungs or that . Eunhyuk could do just fine on his own, because he didn't needanyone.

“Eunhyuk-ah!”

Eunhyuk turned around to face the one calling his name. It was Heechul. He saw his hyung beckoning him to get closer. Eunhyuk hesitated for a moment. He didn't need anyone, right? He could just walk away.

“Eunhyuk-ah.” Heechul called again, as if Eunhyuk hadn't heard him the fist time. Eunhyuk turned around completely, facing his hyung and doing as he was told. Maybe he needed the hyungs, he thought as he made his way towards his senior.
 

~ * ~

The students had been working hard and the principal could honestly say he was proud of them. Whenever he had seen the students perform or during their practices he could easily say that some of them would become great and successful artists someday. The principal was famous for scolding them. He was harsh and never let one single mistake escape. Whenever something bad happened he gathered the whole school in the main assembly room and scold them all. But he wasn't good at praising his students, which he new they obviously deserved now. That's why he told all the teachers to tell their class they had done well and that at the end of the week he would allow the students to have a party in one of the bigger halls where they would usually perform or practice. But of course he ordered the teachers too add that they shouldn't get too excited; they shouldn't forget that they were still here to work hard and not have a lazy time. 

When the only teacher Donghae actually liked, their Korean teacher, gave them the message Monday morning each student was taken aback. Their eyes were literally sparkling and the teacher regretted not waiting to tell them about the party till after the lesson would end, because he had a hard time making them shut up after the news. But in the crowd of smiling faces and happy chatter the teacher saw someone who stood out. Donghae was the only one actually studying and not paying any attention to the other students' excitement. Instead of being proud of the young boy the teacher got slightly worried. 

“You doing fine?” the teacher asked after approaching the younger.

“Yes, just fine.” Donghae answered before writing down yet another sentence in his notebook. 

“Aren't you excited?”

The brunet looked up from his notes to look at the older man. He smiled a little. “Of course”, he said and turned his attention back to the book. Deciding that he shouldn't nag too much the teacher nodded and got back to the teacher's desk, telling the students once again to shut up and study. 

“You don't want to go, do you?” Siwon asked, after the class finally ended. Donghae put the rest of the books in his backpack before swinging it over one shoulder; waiting for Siwon to be done packing too. “No.” he answered honestly.

“Come on, it'll be fun!” Donghae shrugged his shoulders and started making his way out of the classroom. He and Siwon and three other students were the only ones left in the classroom. “Come on!” Siwon nagged again.

“I'll think over it.” Donghae said and went against his principles about lying. He knew he wouldn't think over it because he knew he wouldn't go. But he decided Siwon didn't have to know that now, as the taller one smiled and nodded. 
 

~ * ~

Being in school was so much harder now than it had ever been before. The angst and nervousness Donghae felt when he for the first time entered the school gates was nothing compared to this. He had so many people to avoid now, including someone in his own class. Though avoiding Eunhyuk was probably the easiest part because Eunhyuk was apparently trying to avoid him too. The only thing Donghae had to endure during his lessons where silent mean comments he heard Eunhyuk's friends (mostly Sungmin) make every once in a while, followed by some giggles and chuckles. But he could easily survive that, because the idiots in his own class was probably the smallest problem he had right now.

The real problem was Heechul. Whenever Donghae was alone, which he made sure wasn't often, he had to double check that neither Heechul or his gang members were there before he could start walking. And living like that for a whole week straight was both embarrassing and pathetic. But really, what else could he do?

~ * ~

It was Thursday, one day left to the famous party and Donghae had managed to avoid the subject this far. Kibum had asked him about it, Ryeowook had asked him about it and Siwon had asked him about it and to all three he had said the same thing 'I'll think over it'. And when standing in line in the school cafeteria, waiting for Siwon to come back from the restroom, yet another person asked. Donghae heard a coin being dropped and he looked down to see it lying right beside his left foot. He crouched down to pick it up, turning around to give the coin back to its owner and recognized the girl behind him immediately. 
“Here.” he said and gave the blonde girl the coin. 
“Thank you.” she said with her soft voice and gave him a bright smile. “I didn't notice I dropped it”. Donghae smiled back and shrugged his shoulders a little. Before he could turn around again the girl spoke up. “I'm Jessica.” she said and extended her thin hand. “Jung Jessica.”
“I'm Lee Donghae.” Donghae said, shook her hand and bowed a little. He noticed that her hand was warm.
“I know.” she said and laughed a little. “I remember”. 
It took some time for Donghae to remember his awkward so called 'presentation' the first day he got here. But he felt happy meeting someone in his class beside Siwon that wasn't a complete idiot.

“Are you coming tomorrow?” she suddenly asked.

The question surprised Donghae and before he could answer he had to think over it. If he said no maybe she would ask why? Maybe she was this curious, nagging type. And it honestly was none of her business but that's not something you tell a girl you don't even know, especially someone being interested enough to ask him personally. 
“Yes.” he said and the girl smiled happily.

~ * ~

Friday. One day left and Donghae could finally stop being so ridiculous when it came to hiding from his seniors. But today would be easy, because pretty much the whole school would be busy the whole day with the party coming this evening, planning what seemed to be the most important things right now; What should I wear? Is he gonna be there too? How can we smuggle alcohol without the principal finding out? 

While sitting alone in the library, pretending to be reading a book, Donghae realized that Eunhyuk, Heechul and Heechul's dogs weren't the only ones he had tried to avoid these five days. Kibum was also on that list. 

He took his phone out of his pocket; looking through the messages Kibum had sent. Donghae hadn't even answered to half of those messages and when he had answered he had just put a simple 'okay' or 'I'm sorry, but I'm a little busy right now'. It wasn't until now he started to realize exactly what Siwon meant when saying he would hurt Kibum. But being with Kibum wouldn't necessarily mean Donghae would hurt him. Either he could continue like this, trying to avoid the younger and really do hurt his feelings, or he could get a hold of himself and actually try to work this out. He searched for Kibum's number in his contact list before pressing 'call'. It only took a few seconds before Kibum answered.

“What are you doing?” Donghae asked.

“Nothing. My acting class just ended. Why, you wanna hang out?” If happiness could talk it would sound like Kibum right now. 

“I'm a little busy right nowm” now that sounded familiar. “but what about after school? Are you busy then?”

Kibum hesitated for a moment. Yes, he was busy. “Eh, no. No, I'm not.” 

“We can always hang out another day. You don't have to–”

“No, no.” Kibum interrupted. “After school, right? I'll call you then!” 

They hung up and Donghae wasn't sure of what he was feeling. 


But when Siwon said he wouldn't be home during the evening Donghae sure knew exactly what he was feeling; nervous and awkward. Honestly Donghae had planned to spend the evening with Kibum in his room, with Siwon 'accidentally' being there too. But now he would end up being alone with Kibum, something he had not planned. Maybe he could call Ryeowook and ask if he wanted to hang out with them? Though that would be too obvious and Kibum would know that something's wrong. No, Donghae thought, either I hurt his feelings or I try to work this out.
*

It had been fun at the beginning. The fear from the inferiors, the girls who surrounded them like a flock of birds, the famous name – he had actually enjoyed it a long time ago. But this was different from what he was feeling in the start. 

“So you thought there wouldn't be any consequences in you trying to act all heroic?” 

Eunhyuk turned his head and closed his eyes hard for every scream that came from the helpless boy's mouth. He bit his bottom lip to not scream with him. 

“Is this gonna make you think twice before you tell on us, ?” a voice Eunhyuk couldn't recognized hissed. When the reply was nothing but a sob – the boy probably didn't even hear him – Eunhyuk heard the kick against the boy's back. 

“Are you gonna think twice before you tell on us?!” another guy repeated the previous one's question, followed by desperate 'yes's. Heechul, who had been quiet this whole time, – Eunhyuk almost forgot that he even was still there – must have stepped in, because suddenly everyone went quiet, except from the crying boy, and stepped back. Eunhyuk turned his face slowly, watching the boy lying abandoned on the ground; blood running from his mouth, nose and forehead. His face was swollen – drowning in his own and the other males' spit. His body was trembling in a way that made Eunhyuk sick, and when Heechul crouched down in front of him the boy started to shake even more. 

“We don't like doing this” Heechul said in a calm voice and Eunhyuk doubted that the fright made it possible for the helpless boy to listen. But the boy nodded, fast and desperately – begging with his eyes to be left alone. “But you forced us. We can't have rats like you running to mommy and tell on us.”

The boy opened his mouth, blood running down his cheek as he tried to speak. He whispered a weak and pathetic 'sorry' and Eunhyuk felt like he was about to faint. Heechul smirked and ruffled the small boy's hair. “Good boy.” he said before standing up, nodding to his gang; approving that their task was done – earning quiet chuckles from his friends, as everyone started to walk away. Everyone except from Eunhyuk. 

Eunhyuk was shaking just as much as the bleeding boy, his feet not allowing him to leave, his eyes taking in every sight of what his hyungs had done. He couldn't speak, move, nothing. He could feel it in his stomach, a pain growing and growing for each second. It started moving, up, up, up, to his chest and suddenly he was breathing through a drinking straw. He panicked, he couldn't breathe, and opened his mouth to take in more air, but it didn't help. The boy on the ground, who for a moment thought that he was alone, sensed Eunhyuk's presence and raised his head as much as he could. He saw Eunhyuk and his eyes grew in fear. His body, who for a moment had calmed down, started shaking violently again. He was scared of him.

“Please...” the boy whispered, tears running down his big, innocent eyes. 

Eunhyuk ran and the pain in his chest kept moving upwards, suddenly stopping in his throat and for a second Eunhyuk thought he was about to cry. That was until he stopped dead short, bend over and released that lump in his throat. His throat started to sting and a smell of rotten reached his nose.
*
“That was fast.” Donghae said after he opened the door.
“You told me to come over when I was done.” Kibum responded. Donghae nodded, as if Kibum just said something very interesting. They stood there in silence, Kibum looking a little weirdly at the still nodding Donghae. “Uh, are you gonna invite me in?” he said carefully and Donghae, who had opened the door only enough to stick his head out, moved.

“Sorry, come in.” he said and walked over to sit on his own bed. Kibum took his shoes off and walked over to sit beside Donghae on the bed and he couldn't help but notice that Donghae discreetly moved away a little. 

Donghae started thinking about . 
He and Eunhyuk had a couple of weeks after they met – when they still only new each others first name – and when Eunhyuk supposedly still thought bad of him. That wasn't how most relationships worked, was it? Kibum and Donghae were dating now – right? – and Donghae couldn't stop thinking that Kibum expected Donghae to have with him. Kibum was attractive, very attractive, but the thought if being intimate with him made Donghae wrinkle his nose. But they were together now, right? And that's something you just do... when you're together. 

Donghae glanced over to Kibum who was nervously playing with his own fingers. Donghae loved Kibum, really, but right now he just wanted Kibum to leave. 

*
Beer didn't taste good. It was bitter and smelled bad. But it got you drunk, and when you're drunk you're happy. Nothing else mattered. That's what Eunhyuk was thinking right now, as that bitter liquid flowed down his throat. He was home alone, with brushed teeth, and his dad's beer. The party would start in two hours and Eunhyuk didn't want to go. But he had to because he was Eunhyuk, so if he wanted or not didn't matter. He had two hours to drink whatever he could find. 
*
“You never said if you are coming to the party or not.” Kibum suddenly pointed out. They seemed to have changed roles now; Kibum was the one talking and Donghae was the quiet one.

“I don't think so.” 

Kibum moved, placing one leg on Donghae's bed, to face him. “Come on, it'll be fun!” 

Donghae shrugged his shoulders, eyes focusing on the floor. “I would rather say here.”

“I won't let you.” Kibum jumped a little on the bed to gain the older one's attention, and Donghae couldn't help but smile at how ridiculously cute he looked without even noticing it. “There will be lots of people there. You have been here long enough to have more friends than just me, Ryeowook and Siwon hyung”. Donghae shrugged his shoulders again, but Kibum had already made his mind. “It's not like you can't go back here if it gets boring, right? Give it a shot.”

Just the fact that Kibum had talked this much in that little amount of time just to convince him, was enough. It wouldn't hurt giving it a try. Donghae sighed, “Okay.” and Kibum smiled. 
*
The world was spinning and smiling at him. What hyungs, what Donghae? He laughed a little to himself when trying to get down the stairs, dropping the bottle he was holding and spilling beer all over the expensive carpet. Whatever, he thought, the maids could clean it up later anyway. Right now he would just enjoy his problem-free life. 

He was holding a firm grip on the handrail, being completely positive that he would beat the out of himself if he let go. He asked himself how the heck he would manage to get to the school. But then again, he was problem-free, and he would eventually get there, sooner or later. 

*
The music was playing loud; sending vibrations through the floor, Donghae's feet and up to his head. The pulse of the speakers were strong enough to make Donghae's stomach feel funny. Yes, he literally felt the music through his whole body.

In Mokpo Donghae had gone to a few parties. The difference was that in Mokpo Donghae had always been one of the popular guys; with girls whining over how cute he was and guys laughing over how funny he was. Now no one payed Donghae any attention – which was a good thing. He would rather be forgotten and invisible than the party's jester. Pretty much all students were under-aged, which meant that alcohol wasn't allowed. Though none of the students seemed to care at all; a few students had threw up already while the rest were having the time of their lives. 

Donghae was holding onto Siwon's arm hard, being completely terrified to lose him in all this crowd. They clumsily walked through the dance floor, over to where Ryeowook, Kibum and five other students were sitting – one of them being Jung Jessica. The students moved, giving Donghae and Siwon a place to sit with them, and Donghae unconsciously let Siwon take the seat beside Kibum.

Two hours passed slowly. Donghae had been asked to dance two times and turned the girls down both times. Jessica was one of them who had asked him to dance and Donghae, who didn't want to seem rude, told a blurry story about him hurting his ankle. He hadn't mind telling that to the other girl, but just said a short and simple “no, thanks” when she had asked him to dance. Siwon was gone already, talking to a pretty brunette, and the other boys sitting at the same table were talking to each other about something Donghae didn't care about. 

Since Siwon had moved Donghae and Kibum were now sitting right next to each other but Donghae didn't mind. He wasn't drunk yet, and probably wouldn't get either, but he wasn't completely sober. Maybe that was why he didn't find it awkward or uncomfortable having Kibum that close to him. Kibum, on the other hand, didn't drink anything at all.

“You okay?” Kibum asked and Donghae just laughed.

“You kidding me?” he said, feeling slightly offended that Kibum would think he was drunk after just one beer. 

Kibum just shrugged his shoulders. “Are you having a good time?”

Donghae nodded, not knowing the answer for the question himself. Was he? He was honestly slightly bored. He turned his head to look at the people who were there and realized he hadn't seen Eunhyuk during these two hours. He had seen Heechul and Sungmin and some of their friends – all of them being too busy flirting, drinking and dancing to even notice Donghae looking at them (which of course was a good thing). 

“You need to use the toilet?” Donghae asked. Kibum shook his head and nodded at the direction where the restroom was, in case Donghae forgot.

**

The restroom was empty and dirty, the supposedly white floor being brown from dirty shoes. Donghae was surprised to see it being empty – all cubicles were unlocked – because here was the only place you could talk without having to scream to make oneself heard. He assumed people didn't come to the party to talk. 

He walked inside one of the cubicles and didn't even mind to lock it. He didn't need to pee, he just needed some time alone. The music was giving him a head ache and no, Kibum, he was not having a good time. He sat down on the closed toilet seat; elbows resting on his knees and hands covering his face. 

There was so much to think about, so many feelings that he could swear he would explode one of these days. After seven minutes he decided that he wasn't doing anything to help himself – sitting alone in the toilet at a party wasn't really the greatest way to cheer yourself up. He took a deep breath – yuck, it smelled bad in here – and decided that he for once needed to do something else instead of... thinking. The exact moment he got up from where he was sitting he heard the main entrance to the restroom open. 

“Where are you going?” 

The voice was familiar – a helpful senior with small dimples – but that didn't gain Donghae's attention. He knew from before that Leeteuk would be here. Steps were getting closer and closer and then just passed: Leeteuk was making sure all cubicles were empty. 

“Home.”

Now, that voice made Donghae stop breathing. He got the feeling that the two talking boys didn't want him there, and his common sense told him to flush to make the two males' aware of his presence, while the alcohol was telling him to just stay there quietly and listen. Donghae wasn't drunk enough to listen only to the alcohol, but another thing gained Donghae's attention – Eunhyuk wasn't feeling very well, his voice was telling Donghae that. Maybe it was all the alcohol? By experience Donghae knew that alcohol could easily get out of hand when it came to Eunhyuk. 

“Hyukjae yah,” Leeteuk suddenly said in a low voice “are you scared?” 

Donghae expected Eunhyuk to snap back, insulting his hyung for saying something so ridiculous. But he didn't. 

“I just want to go home.” Eunhyuk answered, his voice almost shaking. 

He was feeling bad, and perhaps it wasn't because of the alcohol. Donghae got a feeling of just wanting to hug the other; protect him from whatever was scaring him. There was a moment of silence and not knowing what the expression of the two looked like almost killed the curious brunet.

“Then go home.” Leeteuk finally said.

Compared to Eunhyuk Leeteuk wasn't drunk at all. He sounded completely sober. Eunhyuk chuckled. “No.” he said and then silence again. Leeteuk must have had a questioning look. “No,” Eunhyuk repeated “it's not that easy”. He was talking funnily, his tongue almost sounding numb. 

“What do you mean? Of course it is. I'll help you with–”

“No!” Eunhyuk yelled, making Leeteuk shut up and Donghae jump in surprise. “Stop talking as if it's that easy. You know it's not, so shut up!”. The desperation in his voice gave Donghae goosebumps. He had never heard him sound like that before, the cool unstoppable Eunhyuk who did whatever the heck he wanted. 

“I'm sorry.” the older one said and Donghae could hear him walk, probably walking closed to his dongsaeng. “You're making this so much harder for yourself, Hyukjae.” 

“Did you take me here to scold me?” Eunhyuk asked, irritation obvious in his voice. “Because if that's the case I'll leave right now. I don't wanna hear it.” 

Donghae never gave Leeteuk time to reply, because without noticing it he had moved closer and closer to the door. The floor was slippery and the alcohol made it slightly harder to keep the balance. But Donghae still got surprised when he suddenly found himself on the floor, on hands and knees, and four eyes looking at him in surprise. But two of those four eyes quickly switched from surprised to furious. Before Donghae had time to register that he fell he felt two strong hands grab the collar of his shirt and lift him up.

“What the are you doing here?” Eunhyuk hissed, the smell of beer leaving his mouth, and Donghae's eyes grew in fear. 

“Hey, hey, calm down.” Leeteuk said, his hands grabbing Eunhyuk's to stop him from being too harsh. 

The brown eyes that were staring right into Donghae's own were unfamiliar. They were a beast's eyes; a beast being only seconds away from killing him. His eyes were bloodshot, red like the shirt he was holding onto so hard.

“You stupid ! Why are you always everywhere?!” Eunhyuk kept yelling and Donghae was about to cry from fear. 

“I-I'm sorry! I-I just heard some noises and I thought... I didn't mean to listen but you were... And I was...” 

“It's okay. Calm down.” Leeteuk interrupted the two and turned to look at Eunhyuk. “You too, calm down.” 

Eunhyuk's eyes softened a little and he turned his face to look at his hyung. Leeteuk nodded and Eunhyuk went back to look at the younger one. The oldest was still having one hand on Eunhyuk's hands while the other moved to the dancer's shoulder. “Let go.” he said calmly and Eunhyuk felt himself relax a little. He let go of him and Donghae quickly backed off.

“I'll leave now.” Donghae said fast and made his way to the door, but Leeteuk stopped him by placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“How do you two know each other?” Leeteuk asked, an attempt to alleviate the tension in the air. Of course that didn't help. Donghae was still in chock of what just happened and Eunhyuk sighed annoyingly because Donghae was giving him the responsibility to answer.

“We're in the same class.”

Leeteuk looked at him suspiciously. The answer wasn't convincing enough. “Is that all?” he asked and looked at Donghae, expecting Donghae to be more honest than Eunhyuk.

“No, hyung” Eunhyuk replied, sarcasm heavy in his voice. “He's my ing wife.” He glared at the two, his classmate and hyung. “Of course that's all.” 

Leeteuk nodded, but still glanced over at Donghae – as if he was waiting for Donghae to say something but Donghae just nodded. His hands were shaking and all he wanted right now was to get out of there.

“I'm gonna leave you two alone.” Leeteuk suddenly said. He saw Donghae widen his eyes; asking him to please not leave, but Leeteuk tapped his shoulder in a supportive manner. He leaned in an whispered: “He's not as dangerous as he looks. Maybe you can talk some sense in him”, before giving Donghae a cheering smile and turn around to face Eunhyuk. 
“Behave.” he said, an it was an order. “I'll be outside.” 

It was obvious that the senior knew something was going on, that Eunhyuk and Donghae weren't 'just classmates'. He left, leaving the two alone for the first time in what had felt forever. Donghae had calmed down now; understanding that alcohol and an upset Eunhyuk wasn't a good combination. He turned around to see the dancer looking at a small window behind him.

“I'm leaving.” Eunhyuk said and walked over to climb up on one of the washbasin, keeping his balance with one hand against the wall and the other against the big mirror.

“Through that?” Donghae asked sceptically and pointed at the window, walking a little closer in case Eunhyuk would fall. Eunhyuk didn't reply but opened it. ”You're gonna hurt yourself.” Donghae warned, taking yet a few steps closer, but still didn't receive even a single glance from the dancer. 

Miraculously Eunhyuk managed to open the window without falling, wondered a few seconds if he would fit through the rectangular space, before he decided that yes, he would fit. But before he made an attempt he finally turned his head and looked down at the younger one. He hesitated for a moment, opened his mouth and closed it again without a word being said. He inspected him carefully – from head to toes – and Donghae just felt even more uncomfortable because he had no idea what the other was thinking. Suddenly Eunhyuk opened his mouth again.

“You coming?” he asked.

It took some moments for Donghae to understand what the other was asking. He turned around to look at the door behind him then back at the small window on the wall. “Uh...” he said stupidly.

“I guess not.” Eunhyuk said, not giving Donghae time to add anything to his confusing 'uh', as he tried to get out without beating himself senseless. 

**

The grass was wet – when did it start raining? – and Eunhyuk cursed loudly when his jeans got green and brown around his knee area. 

“A little help?” Donghae suggested; one leg dangling outside and the other one still on the sink. His back was crouched awkwardly as he managed to stick his head out.

“No.” Eunhyuk simply replied.

“Come on!” the younger one whined. “I think I'm stuck.” 

Eunhyuk chuckled. He staggered over and grabbed Donghae's ankle with two hands. Donghae quickly got the point. “Wait, wait, wait!” he yelled but Eunhyuk showed no mercy as he pulled Donghae's leg hard, making the younger one fall clumsily. But to Donghae's surprise he didn't get hurt, because two strong arms saved him from falling directly to the ground. Donghae quickly noticed that they were being way too close – body and face – and didn't lose any time in properly getting up on his own feet and take a few steps backwards. Eunhyuk didn't seem to care, but Donghae still felt that something got slightly awkward as he pulled away.

“So...” he said, an attempt to break the ice. “What now? Are you going home?”

Eunhyuk chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. “I'm gonna...” either he was thinking over what he was going to do, or he was simply drunk “...go for a walk.” he finally answered, and Donghae didn't know what to reply, because it didn't sound that inviting. It wasn't till now that Donghae asked himself why the heck he had decided to follow the dancer.

“Oh...” Donghae said, not coming up with anything better to say. 

Eunhyuk chuckled from his nose, realizing that they both didn't know what the heck they were doing. Did they just jump out of a small window from the restroom? 

“You can come if you want.” he said and shrugged his shoulders.

A siren in bright red shouted in Donghae's mind. This was bad. What was he doing in the first place? Why was he here, with Eunhyuk? 

“I don't... I don't think that's... such a good idea.” 

It was such a challenge saying something like that; his heart and his brain having a cruel war between them. The hesitation was, in Donghae's opinion, both obvious and embarrassing. Eunhyuk nodded understandingly, biting his bottom lip slightly and Donghae got the feeling that it was his way of preventing to say something he would regret later.

“I should probably just go back.” Donghae said, mostly to himself rather than to Eunhyuk. He turned around, but that was all he managed to do before he was being pressed hard against the wall behind him. He felt Eunhyuk move closer, closer, his hands raising to Donghae's cheeks and one leg being placed between his own. It was so cold outside but Donghae's body was on fire. Trying to pull away was useless, Donghae knew that, and he didn't care about his common sense scolding him badly as he kissed back; tilting his head slightly and moving his lips slowly.

“I'm sorry.” Eunhyuk whispered between their lips and Donghae asked himself if it was the alcohol speaking or not. “I'm sorry”. Their eyes were closed, small clouds of breath being born between their mouths because of the cold. “, I need you”. 

Donghae's head started to spin, his knees shaking and he suddenly felt the urge to cry. Why did he suddenly feel so weak? 

It wasn't love. , it wasn't love. Hyukjae just needed him. Maybe he just wanted to get laid, maybe he just wanted to have someone that cared about him – it didn't matter because all Hyukjae knew was that he simply just needed him. Donghae didn't fake and Donghae knew him. He knew him better than Eunhyuk knew himself and despite that he still wanted to be with him. Donghae cared, Donghae loved and Donghae understood. 

“I don't... I need you.” It was a weak whisper, almost not even audible, but it was still the only thing Donghae could hear. Hyukjae's cold fingers caressed his face so gently; fingers ghosting over Donghae's pink cheeks, painting invisible patterns. Donghae tried to speak, tried to do something, but couldn't. He was lost, gone, not there. He wanted to touch but didn't dare to, he wanted to run but couldn't.

“I...” he started into Eunhyuk's mouth; his own mouth clearly acting faster than his brain, because he had no idea what to say. But that didn't matter because someone interrupted them; a shaking voice filled with angst and confusion.

“Donghae hyung?” 

Time stood still. For a second Donghae didn't know if his goosebumps was cause because of the chilly wind, because of Eunhyuk's body being so close to his own, or because of those disappointed chocolate brown eyes. He felt Eunhyuk's hands fall down and the dancer taking a few steps back. Suddenly Donghae felt so dirty; hating himself from the bottom of his heart.

“I-is.. Is everything alright?” Kibum asked, because he had no idea what else to say.

Posted on: 4th March, 2012. Sunday.