He could simply act like a total . Answering rudely, giving Donghae dirty looks and even playing some pranks on him. And if he felt bad about it (which he didn't understand why he should) he could just stand behind his hyungs and let them do the job. Even Sungmin would gladly join. Maybe that way Donghae would leave him alone. 

Eunhyuk had to stop himself from chuckling out loud. 

How cliché.

People always did that in those cheap and uncreative movies where two people couldn't be together. For the propose of protecting the other, one would act like a total so the other one would fall out of love. But they would both just end up being unhappy and incomplete. That's until the truth would come out and the two would end up falling in love even more with each other and blah blah blah.

And it wasn't like he hadn't been acting like an  already since the first day Donghae got here and it was proven that hadn't kept Donghae away. But Eunhyuk hadn't been an because of love, but because Eunhyuk simply was worth a lot more than Donghae. Everyone agreed with that, Eunhyuk was better than Donghae. The school said so, the teachers said so, the students said so. It didn't matter that Eunhyuk had bad grades, did illegal things and couldn't stand up for himself. And it didn't matter that Donghae worked hard, was strong and honest and did his best in school. Eunhyuk was still better, because everyone here said so.

“What are you thinking about?” 

Eunhyuk turned his head to look at the one speaking. The moonlight was painting the younger one's back in a light sepia; almost making it look like an old photograph. He was so natural; ruffled damp hair and tired eyes, his arms so thin and lips relaxed. Eunhyuk would have called him beautiful if it wasn't for Donghae being a guy. Guys can't be beautiful. 

“Nothing.” he said in a low voice.

Donghae turned around, lying on his back now instead of his stomach. He was looking at the ceiling and after some seconds he sighed silently to himself. Eunhyuk wanted to ask the same thing, but he didn't because he was busy convincing himself that it's impossible for a guy to be beautiful. Guys could be cool and handsome, but not beautiful.  

“What time is it?” 

Eunhyuk shrugged his shoulders and Donghae pointed at a small table beside the light brown armchair Eunhyuk was sitting in. A small clock was on the table, showing that it was a little past 1a.m. “People should be making their way back soon.” Eunhyuk replied, because that was more relevant then knowing what numbers the clock was showing. 

Donghae sat up and pulled the blanket up to his chin to keep himself warm. He looked at Eunhyuk, who was looking emptily at the table where the clock was. “Are you leaving?” 

No reply. Instead Eunhyuk got up to get dressed; all of his clothes being thrown everywhere except from the boxers since he already had them on. He realized the clothes were still wet and cold; the pants being twice as hard to put on than they should. He didn't mind putting on anything else, not the shirt, socks, accessories or even buttoning his way too tight pants. His room was close enough anyway. 

When being done he slowly walked over to the bed and Donghae had to move to give the dancer space to sit; trying to not care that his bed was gonna get wet. Eunhyuk sat down; one hand on his knee and the other one on the bed, almost touching Donghae's left thigh. He eyes were unfocused, not looking at anything but air. He breathed in and breathed out before turning his head to look the younger one in the eyes. Suddenly, he leaned forward a little – his face approaching Donghae's – but seconds later stopped. His eyes glanced down at Donghae's lips for a split second. He hesitated and swallowed. He pulled away without having done anything, back to his previous position. “Bye.” he said, still looking at the singer, before getting up to pick up the rest of his clothes and things. 

Donghae wanted to stop him, ask him to not leave just yet, but what was the point in that? He didn't reply to Eunhyuk's low and cold 'bye'.

~*~

 It wasn't Donghae's fault. He would never intentionally hurt him, because he wasn't that kind of person. Donghae was kind and caring. His mistake had simply been that he couldn't chose who to fall in love with.

But of course, you can always ask yourself why the  Donghae would even say yes to him in the first place. 

No, it wasn't Donghae's fault. Kibum had gotten himself into this – knowing that Donghae was in love with someone else. 

But Kibum had been stupid and blind. At that time, when he asked Donghae to be his, the last thing he needed was someone to keep his eyes closed. Donghae should have slapped him hard; making Kibum realize that no, Donghae wasn't in love with him and could not be with him. Donghae hadn't done that. Instead he had seen this as an opportunity, and not for a split second consider that he was using Kibum. Because that was exactly what he had done; Donghae used him for his own advantage. He didn't care about Kibum, he cared about not being in love anymore. If someone else had asked him, other than Kibum, he would still have said yes. That's how much Kibum meant to him. 

His hands were buried in his hair, grabbing his hair hard – nails in his scalp. He was breathing heavily and loudly, eyes red, heart beating fast. He was walking back and forth in his small room; the steps being fast and hard. 

It hurt. It hurt so goddamn much. 

Yes, it was all Donghae's fault. Kibum hadn't done anything but showing him love and respect, still Donghae did something like this. He kicked, letting out his anger in one single motion. The desk in front of him fell, papers, books, accessories, a clock and other small things crashing into the floor – some things breaking, others not. 

“Kibum...?” 

Kibum didn't have to turn around to know who just had entered the room. His hands and knees were shaking, and the lump in his throat grew for each second.

“Are you alright?”

“What the do you think?!” he screamed, turning around and looking at the scared boy behind him. 

“Wh-what happened?” 

Kibum was a jerk, because if someone was innocent in all this, it's Ryeowook. The boy was clueless, not knowing anything about anything. Kibum took a deep breath – a shaking breath – before dropping his hands. He looked at  the mess in the room then back at Ryeowook. “I'm sorry.” he said. “I shouldn't have–” he realized tears were running down his eyes and he quickly turned around, facing what look had been caused by an earthquake, instead of looking at his roommate. “I-I'll clean this up.” 

He heard Ryeowook close the door and lock it before walking towards him. Seconds later he felt a small hands on his shoulders. “Don't worry about it. I'll help you.” Ryeowook said and crouched down to start cleaning everything up. He pretended he didn't know Kibum was crying. 

~ * ~

It was a sunny and warm Monday morning, and usually this cheered all students up. But when the principal said in the microphone – shaking the school through the loudspeakers – that they needed to go to the main assembly room immediately, not even the nice weather meant anything anymore. 

The principal spent forty minutes scolding them, lecturing them about responsibility and dignity. He was furious and couldn't believe how the students had thanked him for letting them have a party in the school. The whole room where the party had been smelled like alcohol and a window in one of the restrooms – Eunhyuk tensed his whole body –  was broken. As punishment the students would have classes from Monday to Saturday for a whole month. The students groaned, moaned out loud in complainant and cursed under their breath and Eunhyuk decided to not tell anyone about the window.

"!” Heechul cursed as soon as they got out of the big hall; pushed a smaller boy who happened to be in his way hard. “That man is a ing sadist. What the is wrong with him?”. The five males didn't answer that question, but just agreed with what Heechul. The skinny senior turned around, realizing one voice was missing. “Where's the little one?” he asked, making everyone else look around. 

“He stayed with some other guys from his class.” someone said and Heechul raised his eyebrows.

The group decided to wait (on Heechul's order), most of them leaning against the wall with their arms crossed. After a moment they started to see familiar faces that they knew were in Eunhyuk's class, and seconds later a really familiar face.

Heechul said something Donghae didn't hear, but Donghae didn't have to hear the exact words to know what it was about, since the group started laughing and some even pointed at him. Siwon put a cheerful hand on his friend's shoulder, and they simply walked a little faster; ignoring the older ones. Almost immediately afterward the one they were waiting for finally appeared. 

“Eunhyuk ah!” Heechul yelled, since the younger one hadn't seen him when walking pass. Eunhyuk and his three friends – Sungmin, Shindong and Junsu – stopped walking and turned around to where the sound came from. “You coming?”

Eunhyuk turned to his three friends and he saw Sungmin shaking his head just a little. But when Eunhyuk didn't show any signs of turning his hyungs down Sungmin stepped forward. “He's with us now.” he said, in the most challenging voice he dared to use. He turned to his friends behind him. “Let's go.”

The three of them started walking – Sungmin walking a little extra confidentially – but when he turned around he realized Eunhyuk wasn't following, but just standing there. 

“What do you think you're doing?” Sungmin said, glaring at his roommate, and Shindong even pulled Sungmin's arm a little, telling him to give up already.

“Wifey is angry.” Heechul commented, smirking.

“I'll call you later, okay?” Eunhyuk said and gestured discretely with his head; a way of telling Sungmin to leave. 

Junsu whispered something to Sungmin, a low “Let them be.” followed by Shindong who kept pulling his arm. But Sungmin refused to give up. “No, you're not.” he hissed, and walked over to the dancer. He grabbed his arm hard and dragged him along with him; Shindong and Junsu staring at babyface with huge eyes.

The gang started laughing; joking over how Eunhyuk was gonna get spanked by Sungmin when they got back to the dorm. “Well, see you later, Eunhyukie.” Heechul said, and Eunhyuk didn't have to turn around to know he was smirking. He wanted to die out of embarrassment. 

~*~

School ended – not that it made the students any happier, considering what the principal had said –  and Donghae was helping Siwon pack his books at Siwon's desk.

“You read a lot.” Donghae commented. 

“I try.” 

Suddenly, a loud thunder of books was heard; making both males jump in surprise. They turned around and Donghae had to stop himself from cursing out loud. His own books were all over the floor and both Shindong and Sungmin, the guilty ones, were laughing hard. Sungmin crouched down, grabbed the closest book and ripped three pages of it. “Oops.” he said innocently and Shindong laughed even harder. Eunhyuk was standing there too; chuckling a little at his friends sense of humor before telling them to leave.

“They'll never change.” Siwon commented, and Donghae felt himself starting to believe that it was true. Maybe they really would never change. 

When they were making their way back to the dorms Donghae felt his heart starting to beat a little faster. He was nervous. He hadn't seen Kibum today during the whole day, but he most certainly would in the boys' dorm. He had no idea how to act in front of the younger. Should he try talking to him? Or maybe he should just act as if nothing had happened? Or maybe Kibum never, ever wanted to see him again? He thought about calling Ryeowook and ask him how Kibum was doing. But before calling he realized that was a cowardly thing to do. Ryeowook didn't have anything to do with it, and Donghae was responsible for his own actions. He had to deal with what he had caused himself.

“Have you seen Kibum today?” he asked Siwon as they were walking.

“No, why?” was the reply.

Donghae shrugged his shoulders. He considered whether he should tell Siwon about what had happened or not. But in the end he didn't. 

Kibum's room was one floor above his own and Donghae spent almost twenty minutes walking up and down the stairs. He really wanted to talk to Kibum, but he didn't know what to say. He wanted to see him, but he didn't know if Kibum wanted to. In the end he just sat down on the first step; sighing loudly and hating himself for being such a stupid coward. 

~*~

“You owe me a new book.” was the first thing Donghae said when entering the practice room. He threw his bag on the floor and took his jacket off. 

“I didn't do anything.” Eunhyuk replied unenthusiastically. He was sitting with his back against the mirror, one knee up to his chest and the other leg stretched out. 

“Then your stupid -friend owes me a new book.”

The dancer shrugged his shoulders. “Not my problem. Are you gonna practice or what?” 

“After you leave. I don't feel like even being in the same room as you right now.” Donghae hissed; still being pissed because of earlier today. 

“I like watching you.” Eunhyuk said, and Donghae's frown immediately disappeared. 

“Whatever.” he said and quickly walked over to put the music on; hiding the blush that was covering his face. 

Donghae had dance practice from 9:30p.m to 10p.m. He knew it because Donghae had told him. It was 9:43p.m now. 

It was windy outside and he was freezing because he wasn't wearing a jacket. But a jacket was the last thing on his mind right now. He walked slowly, almost dragging his feet, hands in his pockets and eyes looking down. He opened the door to the building and stepped in; immediately feeling slightly warmer as soon as he closed the door behind him. 

He didn't know much about this building, because dancing wasn't something he practiced regularly. But he could easily see which room was the one, because all lights were turned off except from one; the one at the far end of the hall. No music was on, so he had to walk slowly to not be heard.

“Do you want some?” he heard a familiar voice say, after approaching the door; a voice that made his heart twist in pain, his jaw tense and his hand fist.

Donghae was sitting down, where Eunhyuk was sitting before, back against the huge mirror, cross-legged. He hadn't had time to eat dinner because of his homework (and walking up and down the stairs), so he simply brought it here with him. Eunhyuk had just changed from his practice shoes to his sneakers. He walked a little closed to glance down at Donghae's lunch box;  eggs, rice and some meat. 

“No.” he said, as if it was a stupid thing for Donghae to ask in the first place. “It looks weird. I bet it's bad quality too.” 

Donghae rolled his eyes, decided to ignore that comment, and took some meat and rice with his chopsticks. He stretched his hand. “Here.”  he said. Eunhyuk looked at the food, as if he was thinking over a really important decision; to eat or not to eat. “Don't leave me hanging.” Donghae warned and Eunhyuk finally leaned forward. 

He parted his lips and Donghae had to raise himself a little from his sitting position to feed the other. Eunhyuk quickly pulled away; chewing the food slowly.

“Weird and bad quality, huh?” Donghae challenged and when the reply was a snort, he had to bite bottom lip to stop himself from laughing out loud. 

He took yet another bite from his own food, and suddenly Eunhyuk crouched down in front of him and leaned forward a little; eyes looking at Donghae's food and Donghae complied his silent request by giving Eunhyuk yet another bite. Donghae smiled; white teeth showing and eyes peering and as Eunhyuk kept chewing he thought that okay, maybe some guys can be beautiful.

Posted on: 2nd April, 2012. Monday.