He tried to think that he was sweating because of the sun, but he knew too well that was a lie.

His heart was literally racing. 

Why was he so nervous? He wasn't on his way saving the world or anything; he was just going to start in a new school.

Only that this was a different kind of school. And this was in Seoul, far away from Mokpo. He swallowed when thinking about it and he already started to miss his family. You can do this, Hae, he thought in a way of trying to cheer himself up. When he noticed that it didn't worked he sighed. 

He stared at that big banner, hanging over the gate entrance and read SM Boarding School. The sign itself scared him and he inspected the school area carefully before starting to dig in his handbag. Before leaving his home the man who gave him his scholarship also gave him other necessary things, like a bunch of papers containing instructions, rules and two maps, one of Seoul and another of the school.

He took out the map of the school before grabbing his bags and started to walk.

When passing the gate entrance he couldn't help but widen his eyes and open his mouth. Everything was huge. The school area was surrounded by a black, thick and long fence. It was as big as a city park, with big lawns and trees. In the middle there was a huge brown building. According to the map that was the main building.

In Donghae's opinion, it looked like a castle, with its stairs, big door and windows. He also saw other buildings, but not as great as the main building, looking like apartments. That was the dorms.

It was empty of people. He looked at the big clock on the main building and noticed that they were all probably having classes. He hurried up the stairs, and had a hard time with all his bags, before finally entering. Even inside it was deserted. He looked at his map, searching for the reception.

Reading maps wasn't Donghae's greatest skill. He walked up and down some stairs, ran through hundreds of corridors (it felt like there were hundreds of them) and desperately tried to at least find some signs that would help him. He didn't even find a single person to ask for help. At first he admired the school for its greatness – now he cursed it. When being lost for almost forty minutes he finally found the reception where an old lady with round glasses was sitting, reading a news paper. When seeing her Donghae started to walk slower. She looked irritated and mean and that gave him a bad feeling.

“Excuse me.” he said in a low voice and tried to remember how to talk without using his dialect, like his teacher had told him to do before leaving. She turned to face him, without saying a word. “Uhm” Donghae said stupidly. “I was..."

It was something with her eyes, Donghae thought, something that gave him the creeps. She looked at him with almost judging eyes, or eyes that cursed him because he interrupted her very intense reading. Did she hate him?

“I-I am Lee Donghae.”

Her eyes spoke for themselves; So?. She just kept staring at him, like she was a statue.

“I'm new here.”

Suddenly, she spoke. “You're the one from Mokpo?” She had a hoarse voice, like she had been smoking non-stop for years.

“I-I just wanted... Where should I...?”

She turned around to her computer before typing something Donghae couldn't see. After that she raised herself from her seat and walked out of sight. When she returned she had a key in her hand. She gave it to Donghae.

“Your room is 208” she said. “Leave your bags there, then come back.” she pointed up the stairs. “You're in class 4-C, walk up the stairs and you'll see classroom number twenty one". She grabbed her news paper again and made herself comfortable on her chair. “Class ends in fourty five minutes".

Donghae had a feeling that if he interrupted her again he would regret it. 

~~~

Having to carry all his bags by himself, Donghae moaned in frustration when seeing how far away the dorms were. He had two suitcases and three bags, all being very heavy. When he had succeeded in walking half the way, he dropped one of his hand bags and it fell on the ground, spilling out all the things it had inside. Donghae moaned even louder. To his rescue he saw a boy much taller than himself, with short black hair, walk towards him. He hoped from the bottom of his heart that the boy would stop and ask if he needed any help, because he knew he would be too shy to ask. And as if God had answered his prayer the boy stopped in front of him.

“Do you need help?” he asked and crouched down before Donghae had time to reply.

“Thanks.”

The two of them quickly managed to pick up Donghae's stuff and Donghae couldn't help but feel embarrassed when exposing his cheap things; his non-designer clothing, his old second-hand cell phone that almost didn't work and papers showing off that he entered this school almost for free. Even so, the other didn't seem to care.

“Are you the new guy?” he asked instead, even though it was obvious.

Donghae nodded.

“You're in room 208, right?”

Donghae raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Yes” he said and picked up the last stuff that was left. “How did you know?”

They guy raised himself. “It’s my room.” he said and smiled, small dimples being visible in his cheeks. “The principal said you'll be arriving today”. He extended a friendly hand. “I'm Choi Siwon."

Donghae smiled back at him. “Lee Donghae.” For just a second his worry and nervousness disappeared.

~~~

Siwon sure had a lot of money – Donghae didn't have to ask to notice. When arriving at their common room, Siwon's side of the room made Donghae drop his chin. Compared to Donghae’s side Siwon’s side had an expensive laptop, a little television, a new desk, and an armchair. Everything looked so expensive and it was so clean that Donghae was afraid to stay with him. What if he litter up the room? Or even worse – what if he breaks something? He nearly died of shame when thinking about the things he brought with him; cheap clothes and some papers. Did everyone in this school have these things? 

“You want to unpack?” Siwon asked. 

Donghae shook his head fast. He laughed nervously. “I-I’ll do that later… Let’s just go to class. I’ll change to the uniform.”

Siwon and Donghae talked a lot when heading back to the main building. According to him, he asked for permission to leave the classroom to help the new student, because they would be sharing room. He sure was a nice person. 

When standing in front of their classroom door Donghae’s heart started to beat faster. His knees started to shake and some sweat drops were visible on his forehead, just like before. Siwon didn’t fail to notice and placed a cheerful hand on the nervous boy’s shoulder before opening the door. The first person Donghae saw was a tall, thin man in glasses. He was probably in his early forties and looked pretty nice. He looked kind of dorky. The man, his Korean teacher, smiled at him.

“I see you brought the new student safely.” He said and suddenly, the whole class was staring at them. Donghae tried to smile but was too nervous. “Everyone” he said in a loud voice. “This is our new student.”

“The scholarship-guy?” someone said in a low voice, but loud enough for everyone to hear. Almost everyone giggled. Donghae blushed and the teacher glared at the person saying that. Then he turned to face Donghae with a gentle smile. 

“Introduce yourself.” 

Donghae could swear he was going to die. Today was his doomsday, he knew it. He wanted to disappear and regretted a thousand times leaving Mokpo. Not even a nice person as Siwon could make him see good things in being here. He wanted to go home. “Hello” he said politely with a shaking voice and bowed. He could swear he still heard some giggles. “I’m Lee Donghae.” 

The teacher told him to sit down on the empty seat which was, to his luck, beside the only person he knew. 

Something made him feel uncomfortable.

Well, he had felt uncomfortable ever since he sat his foot in this damned school, but now it was different. He felt like someone was watching him, which he first thought was because he was so nervous. But when that feeling still didn’t disappear he couldn’t help but turn his head a little, to look at the people behind him.

And yes, someone was watching him; a short haired brunette with a slim body. His uniform wasn’t put on properly – some buttons were ed, exposing a part of his pale collar bone and the black tie was just hanging loose around his neck. When Donghae met with the boy’s brown eyes he didn’t turn his face away but just turned his eyes to look at the teacher. Donghae thought that they made eye contact by a coincidence – he wasn’t really watching him, was he? 

But when Donghae turned around again, that person was still looking at him. And again, when the person got caught, he looked at the teacher, still being relaxed. Donghae got even more nervous. Why was he staring at him like that? Did he have something in his hair? Was his uniform dirty?

It was impossible to concentrate on whatever the teacher was saying now, when knowing someone behind him, someone he had never seen in his whole life, was staring at him so intensely and yet looking so comfortable, even though Donghae had caught him in the act. When turning around for the third time the person wasn’t looking at him anymore.

Instead, the person sitting beside the stranger, a boy with a baby face, was looking at him now.

But Baby-face didn’t look at him as intensely as the stranger before had.

Then, Baby-face grinned.

What the...? 

Baby-face whispered something in the other boy’s ear, which made the boy smile and chuckle soundlessly, showing off his gums. Donghae got a feeling that Baby-face said something Donghae wouldn’t like to hear. 

“Sungmin shi.” Their teacher interrupted. The whole class turned to look at Baby-face. “If you have something more important than me to say, then please say it out loud.” 

Sungmin stared at the teacher, his eyes saying how dare you?. He gave the teacher an obvious and cocky fake smile which made the teacher glare at the disrespectful brat. Donghae saw the boy beside Sungmin chuckle again.

~~~

“What’s with his attitude?” Donghae asked Siwon, during their break. Their break was fifteen minutes long, so they decided to go out and sit on a bench, enjoying the nice weather.

“He’s a prince.” Siwon said. Donghae widened his eyes and dropped his chin.

Siwon laughed. “He would like to think so. Of course he’s not a prince.” 

“Hey, just look at this school. It wouldn’t surprise me if there actually was a prince here.” 

They laughed, but suddenly Siwon got a serious face. He wasn’t looking at Donghae, but at something behind him. Donghae turned his face. He saw a group with almost ten people, half of them obviously being older than them, walk towards them. None of them had putted their uniforms on properly. Donghae felt a hard tap on his knee, and turned to face Siwon who looked at him with a warning face.

“What?” he asked, but Siwon didn't respond.

They watched as the group passed. One guy was walking in front of the others, as if leading them. He was a tall, very thin and had big brown eyes. His brown hair, almost down to his shoulders, was styled in a way that few people would do in only a couple of minutes. The accessories he had and his hair told Donghae that he sure was known in this school and he had a cocky walk, his hands in his pockets.

The guys passed, all of them looking at the two boys sitting on the bench, with a nasty look. Then, one of them whispered something in another one's ear and both laughed. This is not an unfamiliar scene, Donghae thought.

He got a feeling that this would be repeated several times, here in this school. 

“Who were they?” Donghae asked when they were too far away to hear their conversation. 

“Did you have bullies in you previous school?” Siwon asked. "Bastards who thinks they rule the school?" 

Donghae nodded and Siwon pointed discretely with his head.

“Who was the guy walking in front of them?”

“Kim Heechul. He's eighteen, so he's in his last year.” Siwon looked at Donghae with that warningly face again. “And if you have something called 'common sense' you won't go near him.” 

Donghae turned back to look at the older one more time. They were sitting on the grass, talking to each other and laughing out loud. Kim Heechul's looks were good and he didn't look very dangerous – mostly because he was so thin. He did look scary though.

“Why?” Donghae asked. 

“Just stay away from him.” Siwon had a dead serious face when speaking and Donghae knew he meant what he was saying. 

When looking at them again two other persons from before got Donghae's attention – the cocky boy from before and they guy with the staring eyes. 

“Isn’t he that Sungmin-guy?” he asked. “From our class?” 

Siwon nodded.

“Who’s the one beside him?”

“That’s Eunhyuk. He was sitting beside Sungmin during class.” 

Donghae raised one eyebrow. “Eunhyuk?” he repeated. 

“His name is Lee Hyukjae, but for you he’s Eunhyuk.” 

Something told Donghae that Siwon would rather not talk about this. “Why? Is he also someone I should stay away from?”

Siwon nodded again and glanced over to the boy group. He looked bothered and the happy atmosphere from before seemed to disappear completely, little by little. Donghae decided to cheer up the mood a little. 

“What if I don't want to?” he asked with a provocative voice, like a child who didn't want to obey his parents. 

The taller one sighed. “Then you'll only have yourself to blame. But I promise I'll wait for you with a blanket and some hot chocolate when you return all beaten up.” 

Donghae laughed. “Don't worry.” he said and smiled. “I get the feeling that he doesn't even like me.” 

“Probably.” Siwon said honestly. “He’s just....” he sighed. “Let’s just say the school would be better off without him. And without his friends.” 

Donghae kept watching the group. “They don't look any different from the other students though.” he said. 

Siwon got that warningly look again and that kind of scared Donghae. “Listen.” he said and looked Donghae deep in the eyes. “They aren't just regular bullies, who push people in the corridors and stuff. They're dangerous. Don't talk to them, don't look at them – nothing. You understand?” 

Donghae nodded, not really understanding Siwon's caution. Were they murderers, or what? Donghae had more questions in his mind, but Siwon’s eyes told him to not ask more questions. He stayed silent and just watched them from a distance. He saw Lee Hyukjae, or Eunhyuk, laugh at something they guy named Heechul said. He sure had a special smile.

~~~

When finishing (Donghae's first and) last lesson, Siwon helped Donghae unpack, without mentioning anything about the things Donghae had. It was obvious anyway and Donghae forced himself to not feel ashamed.

He told himself over and over that he hadn’t done anything wrong – quite the reverse, he was here because he deserved it, not like some people who was here just because they had a lot of money.

That was nothing to be ashamed of. 

“Money doesn’t matter.” Siwon suddenly said, knowing exactly what was bothering Donghae.

“You’re here because of your brains, not because of your wallet.” Donghae smiled.

That was all he needed to hear.

~~~

When being finished, Siwon was sitting at the desk, studying while Donghae sat on his bed, watching him. He was mind-battling with himself, wondering if he should tell Siwon what he had in mind or not. He really liked Siwon, and he really wanted to be his friend. But what if Siwon wouldn’t accept him? Well, he could always change room. He would get a little sad if that happened, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world. And because he really wanted to be friends with him, then he would tell him sooner or later. The sooner the better. 

“Siwon shi.” He said. 

Siwon laughed.

“Speak more comfortably.” He said, not turning to look at him. Maybe he actually would accept him. 

“Do you want to be friends with me?” 

The question seemed to surprise Siwon, because he turned to face Donghae, raising one of his thick eyebrows. “Yes, of course.” He said. Before he had time to look down at his book again, Donghae spoke. 

“I think there’s something you should know then.” 

Siwon didn’t answer, but just waited for Donghae to continue.

“I like guys.” 

Siwon opened his eyes wide, making it look like they would pop out of his head, and both his thick eyebrows rose.

“You like guys?” he repeated.

“Yes.” 

“You mean like... like you’re…”

“Homoual, , queer, gay – yes.” 

Siwon stared at him like he wasn’t a human being and Donghae slightly started to regret what he had said. 

“Is that okay with you?”

“Yes.” Siwon’s eyebrows fell down again, but he still looked like he was observing him. “I just didn’t… expect you to say that.” He stared at Donghae for a while, like he was trying to figure something out.

“I won’t hit on you.” Donghae joked. “I promise.” 

Siwon laughed, and to Donghae’s surprise, it was a comfortable laugh. “Does your family know?” 

“My mom and my hyung do.”

“And your dad?” 

Donghae’s expression suddenly changed and he smiled sadly. Something told Siwon he shouldn’t wait for an answer. 

“And your friends?” he asked instead. 

“Yes, every one of them. And now you know too.”

Siwon admired the shorter boy’s confidence and his ability to talk so casually. 

“Can I ask you something?” Siwon suddenly said, curiosity taking over. Donghae nodded. 

“Don’t get me wrong.” He added. “I’m just curious.” Donghae nodded again and Siwon took a silent deep breath. 

“Have you ever... you know... been with... a guy?”

Donghae stared at him and for a moment and Siwon was sure he had offended him. He raised his hands and shook them, as if saying ‘stop’, and widened his eyes again in that special way of his.

Donghae was sure Siwon was the only one being able to do that.

Siwon was about to take back what he just had said when Donghae suddenly laughed. “Are you sure you want to know that?” he asked, still laughing. “You don’t ask me how many siblings I have or why I changed school – you ask me if I’ve slept with a man.” 

“I’m sorry." Siwon hurried to say "I don’t know why I asked that.” 

Donghae smiled gently at him. “It’s okay. I’m not offended or anything. I think it’s funny.” 

Siwon half smiled. 

“I’ve only been” he emphasized that word, “with one guy before. My first love.” 

Siwon didn’t know how he should answer that. Why did he even ask in the first place? 

“Awkward?” Donghae smiled, making Siwon laugh. It didn’t matter; they still felt comfortable with each other. It was a comfortable awkwardness, if that even made any sense. “Now, you tell me about yourself. Have you ever been with a girl?”

Siwon’s face immediately reddened which made Donghae laugh even more.

“I’m just kidding.” he said. He raised himself from the bed and grabbed Siwon’s wrist.

“Let’s buy something to eat. I’m hungry.” 

Maybe this school wouldn’t be as horrible as Donghae first had imagined.

AN: Here is the 1st chapter everyone~ 

Posted on: 14th July, 2011. Thursday.