You stayed in the circle of Taecyeon’s arms while you sat on the cold kitchen counter.  He pressed gently against your legs and you part them for him making him stand between your knees closer to your body.  He was taking your mouth claiming it as his own and you could taste the slight hint of bitter coffee as your tongues finally touch.  You continued to slowly caress his body, running your hands over his shoulders and down his back.  It made you realize even more how much he has grown.  His shoulders appear much broader now than when you were little kids, when he used to piggyback you as a child.

It still wasn’t all too clear for you what has happened, how you ended up on top of the counter kissing Taecyeon after a heated argument when all you wanted when you woke up this morning was breakfast.  Right now, all you know is that you are here at this very moment, kissing the man you have waited for and loved for years.  It all happened so fast.  With both eyelids fluttered shut and feeling each other’s lips touch, every single thing shrunk into this very moment and you could feel your world tilt and move right side up again.

Your hands slowly travelled to his chest and though you never meant to stop kissing him, you painstakingly pushed him lightly as you pulled back, keeping your mouth just out of reach.

“Wa…wait…wait.” you throatily said.  It came out more like a breath than a word.

Taecyeon opened his eyes to find you looking directly at him.  He looks at you slightly confused with swollen lips and hair disheveled from where you had your fingers playing with it.

“Wh..what?  Why?  Why?” he asked as he cradled your face in his hand.  His beautiful eyebrows arched high up in concern.  “Do you hate it?  Or…me?”

“That’s not it.” You shook your head as you looked everywhere but at him.

“Then…” he said as he leaned closer once again.  His lips lingering on yours for a long moment.  Seeing you shut your eyes forcefully and feeling your body tremble in his touch, he stops.  “You want to stop?”  He waited for you to open your eyes and look at him again and when you did, you found him staring at you, anticipating an answer…hoping to his favor.

“Can we stop?” you asked as you stared at the ceiling for several seconds, your face with a whisper of color.

“I think it will kill me, but I will if you want me to.”  He pulls away slightly, sadly, waiting for you to look back at him.  His eyes stayed fixed on you as he sees the tension build up around you.

You look at him again and your eyes were caught in his.  “I’m sorry.”  Your voice was quiet.  “It’s not that I don’t want – well - I just – it seems we’re going a little too fast.  Don’t you think so?”  You tucked your hair behind you ear.

Taecyeon sighed and nodded.  His chuckle was deep and inviting as he reached out to touch your thighs.  When you didn’t pull away, he lets his fingers travel up to your hips, relieved that you were allowing the contact, that much at least.

“You don’t have to say sorry.” he said with a smile, a flush crossing his cheeks.  “Although, I have waited years for this…maybe it was indeed a little too fast for you.  I tend to forget that we’re a little different.  I’m a selfish person at heart, you see.  All I know is that I want you and so I act on it.”  His beautiful eyes locked on your face as he tugs you forward closer to him.  “But…I’ll wait…till you’re ready…until you’re ready to fully ac-“

His sentence cut off as you suddenly pulled him to you in a tight embrace.  You flung your arms around his neck while you rested your head on his shoulder.  “I miss you.”  You held him tighter.  “And I blame you for making me miss you.  The more I missed you, the more I felt you didn’t need me…so I decided I didn’t need you either.  But I can’t…I can’t not need you.” you said as silent sobs started to shake your frame.  “So I’m so mad at you.  I’m so mad at you because I can’t forget you and I keep missing you…when I know I shouldn’t.  And just when I think I’m over you…everything just kept bubbling up repeatedly.”

Taecyeon felt your tear drop on his neck.  His arms tightened around you and he began to soothingly your back with his hand.  “I’m sorry.” he murmured quietly.  “I have always loved you and I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to live that love for years.”  He turned his head so he could kiss your temple while he kept you enveloped in his arms and him in yours.  It was the lightest of touches being exchanged.  “I’ll make up for it.  I’ll make it up to you.  You do believe me when I tell you that, right?”

You stayed quiet in his embrace, unable to quip a sound other than the soft sobs that you couldn’t hold back.  Taecyeon pulls back slightly so he could see your face.  He gently puts a hand under your chin, tilting your face towards him.  Your face was flushed from crying and your eyes were red.

“My dear Snuggles.” he said as he away strands of hair from your face and planted a chaste kiss on your lips.  “Sorry.” he said as he remembered you both have decided to take it slow.  “I told you I was selfish.” he smiled sheepishly as he looked at you, shaking his head slightly to bring himself back to his senses.

“You’re not selfish.”  You shook your head with a deepening blush on your cheeks.  “You’re my Dumbo and my husband…”  You paused and took a deep breath, your shoulders slumping as you let it out.

“But…” he cued you.

“But sometimes you make me feel horrible.” you said as you feel the sting of tears that you fight hard to blink back.  “And I wonder…” you said as you dropped you head low.

“Wonder what?” he asked as he tilts your head up from your chin to have you look back at him.

“This marriage…after a year…” you said as tears shone in your eyes.

“We don’t have to break up.  We could make this real.” he said as he brushed your tears from your cheeks with a smile.  “Everything in that marriage was real other than your feelings.”

“You make it sound so simple.” you said as you tried to smile.

“But it is simple.  Why do you have to make it so complicated?” he said as his jaw jutted forward with the enunciation of every word.  “Don’t you want to stay married with me for the rest of our lives?”

You let the air out of you in a deep exhale. “I don’t know…” you muttered under your breath as you held his hand to stop him from touching your face.

“You don’t know?  You don’t know what?  You don’t want to?” he said, his brows furrowed as he concentrated on your face.  “Does it really make you miserable being with me?”

The tender mood from a few moments ago was melting like frost underneath the bright sun.  His anger rising evident not only in the edge of his voice, but in the way he clenched his teeth and sets his jaw.

“I’m sorry Taec." you whispered.  “I just think…I mean, we both have changed, we’ve grown and I’m not sure if we still want what we wanted years ago when we were kids.  I think we’re rushing into this like the way we were rushed into marrying each other.  What if -”

“I get it.”  Taecyeon interrupts you.  “I am…in this moment…not what you want.” He slowly lets you go, pulling away slowly from you and stepping back.

It was like a slap to your face.  A realization hitting you that deep inside you, you know he was right.  You are just making things difficult on your own when things could’ve been so easy.  You’ve missed him for years and yet now that he’s right in front of you, you’re letting him slip away again.

Before he could get any further, you caught him by the collar of his shirt, his perfectly toned abs peeked as his shirt rose up while you dragged him back to you.  “Don’t you dare –“  You shook your head as you narrowed your gaze at him.

“I don’t understand you.  One minute you tell me I’m your home and then you push me away, you kiss me and when I kiss you back you tell me to stop and then you tell me you miss me, but you don’t want to be with me.  What the hell Snuggles?” he said in exasperation as he holds on to his hair.  “Did you even really miss me?”

You nodded slowly as you bit your lower lip.

“Do you love me?” he asked as he took a deep breath to ready himself for whatever your answer maybe.

A smile teased at the corner of your lips as you nod your head again.

“Do you want to give this marriage a try?” he asked again with the barest hint of a smile flickering around his mouth.

“I do, but let’s take this one step at a time…okay?” you said as you smoothed down his shirt that you grabbed with your hand.  “For now know that I love you.”

He smiled at your response, not his normal big Cheshire grin, but that fragile genuine smile of someone who has finally found what they have been searching for and couldn’t believe it is real.  He grabbed your head happily giving you a kiss on the cheek.  “This is alright, right?” he said gleefully.

He was looking into your eyes and you were reminded how truly beautiful his eyes were.  How it manages to capture you and you get lost in them every single time.  This time was no different, you were caught in his eyes when you both were startled by the sound of the phone ringing.  Taecyeon reaches for it and picks it up and started a conversation with his hand still laced with yours and your eyes staying fixed on each other.  After a while he said his goodbye and he hangs up.

“Who?” you asked as you dangled your feet from the kitchen counter.

“Grandpa.”  he said smiling.  “We’re expected for dinner.”

“The whole family’s going to be there?  Yours and mine?”

“Uhm.” He nods.  “Why?”

“Don’t wanna go.”

“Still haven’t made up with your mom?”  You shook your head at him.  “You should really make up with her.  She’s your mom after all.  And…she just wants the best for you.” He points at himself with confidence.

You stick your tongue out at him.  “But really, who gives away their children like that?  Actually, more than that…who drives away their crying daughter like that when they come home looking like hell?”

“Oh so cute!” Taecyeon takes you into an embrace.  “My Snuggles is still a crybaby.  Remember how you would always whine to me about your mom when we’re kids.” He laughs as you rest your head against his chest.

“Dumbo…”

“Uhm?”

“I missed you so much.”

“Don’t worry…I’ll make sure you’ll never miss me again.”