I missed kailu /sob/

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“I felt like an illegitimate child.”

Little Luhan sat in the middle of a red high backed chair in this heavy decorated Bang Mansion. His short hair unruly and his shoulder trembled in mixed of agonies as he hugged himself closely. Red marks from whip on both his palms showed common punishment for born as flawed human being, for he’s just a plain mother, not strong or smart or elegant as the current head of Xi Family. “I know pain is the part of learning, but…” Luhan gasped, “Why the hell I had to understand and surrendered when she hurt me? Why I can’t be selfish and fight back or run away from her? Why I can’t live with you instead?”

In front of him, his father kneeled and placed bigger hands on his bruised ones. Luhan winced but he endured the stung for that his father always had warm hands and always touched him gently, always named him preciously, and made he felt he was worth living and worth loving. Oh how he wished to be the part of Bang family, he asked once, however, father’s wife didn’t like him, hated him for that he’s the reason father had to marry mother and not the true lover.

“You’ll be hurt even more.” The man said softly. “I’m your family, Lu, but the rest here are strangers.” And Luhan sighed as his father re-tell him again the words he often heard, he started to loathe it, “and remember, no matter how kind and beautiful stranger than an inspiteful blood relative, it’s still a stranger. They could snap and hurt you and there’s no way they would compensate with your pain.”

Luhan pouted. He wanted to be childish and ask, what about Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Yo, his cousin brothers and his half-brother, Junhong? The only related not to him was Junhong mother, Jaejoong, a beautiful actor who happened to be father’s only love in this world. Then again, he was aware of why Jaejoong can’t stand him. He looked like his mother, there’s none of father trait in him, except the sentiment of ‘love conquer all’. Though Luhan didn’t understand how love could conquer his mother’s cold heart.

 “Do you think mother love me?” he asked.

His father gave him an apologetic look, “I don’t know.” He said in a hurtful honesty, “Sadly, I’m too angry at her, too devastated to end the marriage while I should enjoy the moment and give her love cause she bears you, my beautiful jewel, in her.” Luhan felt tears bubbling under his already swollen eyes, wondering what cruel more, to have a harsh mother or a stranger as father, “Although it's unfair to you, all I can say that I was young, we were too young to be parents and so I don’t know what to do with you. I don’t know you’ll feel me if I rub the belly. I don’t know you could hear if I talk through her. I don’t know you were watching us in worry cause we’re unlike parents should.”

“Stop.” Luhan breathed, “Please.” He whined lowly and bit his bottom lip as his father soothed the pain from both his palm.

“I’m sorry.” Like rain, tears dripped down his cheeks as his father kissed each bruise with gentleness, “I wish I can make it up, the lack of love I gave you. But you’re belongs to Xi family, Lu and I’m also very sorry for that.”

*

Kai took a deep breath. So this is it, the end of a phase in his life and also a beginning of new ones. Sitting in this boring corridor, he eyed both his hands and smiled cause they’re still trembling from the fear although the labor already happened an hour ago.

He would never forget the feeling of sitting behind his wife, encouraging the mother when it’s the time to take a deep breath and it’s the time to push. He could feel the surge of energy from Luhan, and he was proud of his wife cause Luhan was so brave, so strong, there’s no whine and no cry and no giving up, he held an urge to kiss Luhan and whisper ‘it’s okay, if you can’t push, we can ask for C-Section.’ Cause he can’t stand seeing the boy suffered. He didn’t want Luhan to feel pain more than the boy had already.

But what kind of coward he was if he really said it. Luhan wasn’t a weakling and so did their baby. When the midwife caught it, the baby screamed out in greeting, Kai couldn’t help tears from bubbling out his eyes. Luhan became soft and limp, but still awake and smiling contently while leaning to his chest, and Kai welcomed him with loving kisses all around those sweaty head, and promised Luhan only the best in their future after giving him the best moment in his life.

‘Congratulations.’ The midwife placed the baby on Luhan chest, ‘It’s a baby boy.’

Kai and Luhan watched as their little one snuggled into the mother skin, before they exchanged gaze and sighing smile. ‘I love you.’ and a ‘thank you, umma’ mouthed on Kai lips as he kissed Luhan, for every miracle happened since they’re together and in love.

 “Are you okay?”

The door across the seating opened, revealing Luhan in his hospital gown peeking at him curiously. Kai immediately got up, softly scolding his wife for walking around casually after giving birth, but Luhan smiled and answered with, “it’s hurt, but I’m also so happy I can’t stay still!” said the new mom giddily.

“You don’t have to stay still.” Kai sighed, as he led the mother back to bed, “Just lie and rest, ok?” he realized their baby was moved to the bed and now staring at him with a pair of deer-like eyes. He can’t help but smiling. The baby opened its eyes just a moment after it was born. It had Luhan doe eyes along with Kai’s lips and chin, both of them can’t stop gazing in amazement cause the resemblance almost feel like a miracle. This is their child, the memento of their marriage life.

“Can he recognize me?” Kai ran his fingertips on Ruka soft cheek and smiled cause the baby shifted, like attempting to lean to the touch, “oh…” there are many questions he wanted to ask in daze, for that he became blank and forgot every knowledge he had about baby. He eyed Luhan and narrowed his gaze cause the mother now gleamingly smile while watching him, “what?” he asked, a bit scolding his wife.

“You look so adorable right now.” Luhan giggled. “Dumbstruck, it’s so unlike you Appa, since you’re always calm and wise. But it’s cute.” The mother squealed when Kai answered by pinching his cheek playfully. The man carefully climb on the bed and towering over Luhan but didn’t press his weight onto his wife as he started attacking Luhan with butterfly kisses.

“Appa are you right now?” Luhan asked softy while cupping his face, “I’m sorry but we can’t do it now, or the next five weeks...”

Yeah, Kai admitted it’s the lame part of this pregnancy cycle. “How could I be shameless and when you fought so brave and hard delivering our baby?” he asked huskily.

Luhan blushed, “don’t say it like I’m a hero.”

“Luhan, you’re a hero, believe me.” Kai pecked Luhan as his heart clenched cause Luhan used to think he’s unworthy for being happy and free, or to be praised for. He silently blamed it to Xi family to only teach Luhan things matter to their benefit yet not how to treasure oneself. “Look!” He gestured Luhan to see their baby again, “See this little one here? Do you think I’m capable bringing him around for more than nine months in between my hectic work, and still not became crazy for the mood swings, cravings?” Sensing that Luhan blushed even more, Kai continued, “Mark my word, love, you are capable more than what you thought. I saw you in every shade you had but no matter how frustrated you are, you never blame Ruka for the mischief in your life. You treat him with patience, you loved him, and that’s make you strong.” He ended his speech with soft whisper, “That makes you a hero.”

He felt Luhan took a deep breath, before it was exhaled in a long sigh.

“Keep doing that, Appa.” When Luhan stared into his eyes, Kai broke into laughter at seeing his wife now grudgingly sobbing in joy, “keep stabbing me like that with your sweet, cheesy love, kill me with this heart attack over and again until die in bliss isn't an expression anymore.”

*

“I’m the first to come?”

Just a moment later, after Luhan drained his stupid tears and Kai laughed at him until the man satisfied, the door opened to show Kyungsoo curious head peeked inside, “hello!” the boy invited himself in light step, although both Kai and Luhan wondered how the hell Kyungsoo gained access to the room since it’s midnight and it’s not the time for visit.

“You can come tomorrow morning.” Kai sat with a sigh and headed to the sofa. But he immediately catch Kyungsoo who tried to kiss Luhan, “HEY!” he barked as low as he could since his newborn baby was so delicate and will get startled from any disturbing noise, “how many times I had to tell you, don’t touch my wife!” with a shrug, he pushed now pouting Kyungsoo.

“It’s just a peck, what’s the big deal?” Kyungsoo scrunched his face, but since Kai said nothing and only glared at him viciously, the boy dropped the topic and walked to the bedside table to place a plastic bag, “anyway, I make food for you guys. I know it must be exhausting to give birth.” As he spoke, the boy separated the bento boxes, giving vicious Kai a full box of seasoned chicken and salad, then served Luhan simple dish which easy to swallow yet tasty. “I always hated hospital food.” Kyungsoo explain even though no one asking, “It’s healthy, but not so tasty.”

“I agree.” Luhan nodded, “I’ve never been in hospital, so this is my first time.”He paused to swallow his pudding, before he giggled, “I hoped this is also the last time. I don’t like the smell.” It did remind him of chemistry lab, it’s not foul. Just, the scent didn’t match at all to apply on dwelling section. It felt uncomfortable and unwelcomed. Kyungsoo nodded to him yet the boy said no more and looked down at Ruka, caressing and cooing the baby while telling Luhan that the boy loved children but didn’t currently wish to have any.

“I might become a bad mother.” Kyungsoo joked.

A flash of memory returned to Luhan, to the first time he found out he was pregnant. At that time, he was very nervous and obviously worried about the future. He only knew his mother, only being taught to live in the hardest way. He was so upset that he forgot Kai was here to accompany him in whatever state he was, unlike his father.

Luhan stared at his half-eaten pudding.

It has been awhile since he thought about his father. The last time he met the man was three years ago, before father moved to New York with the rest of his family. Since then, Luhan pretended father didn’t exist more. He met Junhong sometimes though, when the young man visited Seoul for work but both of them never talked about father, cause both know Luhan tired begged to be taken away from Xi family.

‘What am I thinking?’ Luhan blinked, before he scooped the pudding again, ‘It’s in the past. I only need Kai now and I’m happy.’ He rose the spoon but someone held his hand. It made him snapped and turned to see both Kyungsoo and Kai stared at him in concerned look, while Kai grabbing his wrist,

“Luhan? What’s wrong?” His husband asked.

Luhan realized he was going to pluck his eye with his spoonful pudding, with reddened face he dropped his hand and let Kai took the spoon and feed him, “I’m drowning in thought.” he muttered.

“Funny thing is about to happen, if only Kai didn’t stop you.” Kyungsoo said, and winced cause Kai probably nudged his femur, maybe a little hard.

“Can you please go home?” Kai asked gruffly, “I’ve never be this annoyed to people before, but you’re so annoying now.”

Kyungsoo curt his bumbly lips, “what are you talking about? You’re only nice to Luhan.” said the boy with a sarcastic snort. Luhan can’t help but smile, cause the insecurity he had before slowly changed into flutter of happiness. Right, this is the best moment in his life, why he had to think about gloomy things? He managed to forget about his father during the last couple years, didn’t even willing to share about the man to Kai cause Kai was thousands better, as husband, as father and as his beloved.

“I’m thankful for the meal, Soo-sshi…” Luhan whispered while searching Kai fingers to entwine with his, “but I think you really should go,” he said this apologetically but with content gaze eyeing his husband, and only confidently continue when Kai returned him a clueless look, “cause I want to make love to my husband, to celebrate it all night long…”

How he would make love, he didn’t have idea. He just wanted to be alone with Kai and Ruka cause they’re the only things he needed in his life from now on and probably forever.

*

 If anyone asked how Luhan get birth, I don't know, it just happened hehe

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PS: Afterwards…

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Kyungsoo frowned in the middle of bed.

There’s a gentle poke to his shoulder. “What’s wrong with you?”

He remembered again his visit to hospital cause he’s living nearby and he was curious how the baby will look he can’t stand waiting until morning. So he cooked some foods for Kai and Luhan and slipped through reception to Luhan room. He was aware they might be resting and not expecting any visitor this soon, but he’s always so impulsive and ignorant, he didn’t care with their feelings. Now that he reminded how Kai and Luhan asked him to go, he hugged himself and muttered dreadfully to his knees with, “I’m such an insensitive friend.”

“GOD!” Baekhyun cursed while sitting from his side of bed, eyes almost closed from sleepiness yet eyebrows twitched at the sight of Kyungsoo curled in the middle of Tao and his, “YOU JUST REALIZE THAT NOW?!?!”

Tao who opened the door for Kyungsoo and could only sigh tiredly when Kyungsoo struggled in his bed, now tried to soothe the wife from awakening their parents and neighbor, “calm down, Baekki. And Kyungsoo,” Tao calling rouse Kyungsoo head to see the man, “You’re insensitive and very annoying but then you know what? We knew it and we don’t care.”

“I care.” Baekki grumbled frustratingly. “Our friendship is not healthy.”

*

ok, how was it????