A/N: Please do click on the music, it would be really good to listen to it while reading.

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Chapter XXV.

Music

Once upon a time, people learned how to love – to be in love and to just simply fall in love.

There’s the difference there though, to be in love is to be happy, to see a sign of eternity.

But to fall in love is just falling, falling then shattering.

However, this is Kyungsoo and Jongin’s story to tell and so the wheel is in their hands for them to maneuver it right, to get in line under fate’s favor.

And now the only question left to ponder about is that – will fate let them be? Or will fate let them fall?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The strange thing with people is how they cope up with pain.

It’s different for everyone but same in the sense that it reflects how good of an actor we really all are, whether it be a smile or placid calmness that is build up as a façade, it is inevitable for anyone not to have a defense mechanism when they’re hurt. This is the truth for everybody, the reality that could either save someone or lead them into a pseudo type of belief that everything will go back to the way it was before when it really wouldn’t – and perhaps, the latter possibility indeed makes up for the worst kind of self-destruction.

It’s all in the hue of ashes and gray spectrum that the clouds decide to welcome Jongin and Kyungsoo as they stroll towards the hospital’s rooftop. Clad in a fresher set of shirt and sweatpants, an obvious change from the usual hospital gown, Jongin is back to being only connected into a single medical apparatus which is the IV fluid after a month of tests and slow recovery.

He hums, fingers padding softly against the surface of the wheelchair where he’s sitting and that Kyungsoo is effortlessly pushing. The older male somehow is smiling again, eyes crinkling in unspoken mirth that Jongin could barely see literally and in the metaphorical sense.

“I think it’s going to rain hyung.”

“It’s not I think Jongin because it will really rain.”

Kyungsoo stops pushing the wheelchair into a safe distance, about dozens of feet away from the building’s ledge to avoid unwanted accidents. Immediately, he walks to Jongin’s side, lacing their fingers together as he stares towards the sky. It’s quiet, not quiet in a sense that they couldn’t hear the flock of birds flapping their wings towards the direction of the west or quiet like there’s no audible sound of engines roaring to life below the bustling twenty-story building but it’s quiet in a sense of founded solitude in each other’s presence. Jongin continues to hum; Kyungsoo is his listener by the moment.

And just like that they’re back to being as normal as possible, the jagged edges of their being already harshly frayed away by the wind that they end up completely molded into one flawlessly broken soul. Jongin is Kyungsoo’s and Kyungsoo is Jongin’s in every way a sculptor could own his piece and a sculpture could have his creator’s heart.

“Hyung thank you.” Jongin mutters as he tugs on Kyungsoo’s hand. “Thank you for never leaving an like me. Thank you for keeping me grounded when I feel like I’m going insane, thanks for being my anchor.”

Kyungsoo stares at Jongin while he lowers himself down to the younger male’s level. He listens, feeling the man’s words embed its meaning into his heart. Then he shakes his head abruptly, so fast that it could hardly be noticed because he suddenly hears Junmyeon’s voice in his head, seeping through the cracked parts of his mind like a mantra alerting his senses – it’s hard saving someone, but it’s harder saving yourself.

So he speaks. “I appreciate your thank you Jongin but you have to know that I simply did all of this because I wanted to, because I’m grateful seeing you alive and happy and breathing,” Even though it was myself that floated away into nothingness, even though it’s already me breathing only just to see your smile. I would never know your pain but my wounds are enough to make me go crazy, so hold on for me. Keep breathing for me. Kyungssoo says the last sentences in his head, meaning for Jongin to actually not hear it, after all this is his own type of defense mechanism – hiding, forever keeping the painful thoughts in his head even from the most important person in his life. He stares back at him, Jongin’s orbs swirling in a shade of almond brown that makes him lose himself deeper into the hole that’s Jongin’s heart.

Jongin chuckles, “Hyung you’re staring.”

“Wow, thanks captain obvious.” Kyungsoo muses sarcastically, “Let’s go back in, it’s going to rain soon. Don’t want to delay your discharge again, don’t you?”

“Of course not,” Jongin smiles before pulling Kyungsoo’s hand to avoid the man from standing immediately. He then leans his forehead against his, rubbing their noses together, breathing filled with a certain exhilaration and giddiness that neither of them could explain and without any much effort, he says three words that never fails to blow out Kyungsoo’s brain into a colorful mess.

“I love you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He’ll be out by the end of the week and don’t worry, Luhan and Sehun had already paid for the remaining hospital bills.” Jongdae says, checking on his clipboard as Kyungsoo looks at him with eagerness like that of a child waiting for his candy.

“So he’s already fine right?”

“He’ll be fine Kyungsoo stop worrying so much. By the way, Taemin is waiting for you at his office; I guess he’d be giving you the prescription for Jongin’s medicine so you could buy it all before you leave the hospital.”

Kyungsoo finally lets out a breath of relief. “Thank you Jongdae, thank you so much for everything.”

Jongdae tilts his head to look at his friend, giving him a meaningful gaze that Kyungsoo could hardly decipher though it somehow manages to give him an odd sense of calm and fear at the same time.

“No Kyungsoo, it’s a thank you.” The doctor smiles and with that Kyungsoo decides to finally go out from Jongin’s room and into Taemin’s office.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As promised, Jongin gets discharged from the hospital by Sunday. The nurses and doctors particularly Jongdae, Taemin and Minseok fuss on him a little bit more before sending him off with a smile and consant reminders that he should still go back for his scheduled check-ups.

He chuckles, waving at them as Kyungsoo finally wheels him out of the hospital grounds and into the open space of the parking lot. Closing his eyes in satisfaction, Jongin relinquishes the feeling of having the cold wind pierce against his skin after a long time of not being able to go outside that often.

He then tightens the scarf that Kyungsoo had placed around his neck before tilting his face to stare at the older male who was already staring down and smiling at him. Jongin nods his head, smiling back at his lover before he gets assisted by him in entering the car.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Jongin wraps his hand around Kyungsoo’s after the male had finally settled on the driver’s seat. He gazes at Kyungsoo, overwhelmed with the turmoil of emotions inside him but clearly knowing one thing.

This is his wish, this is his happiness.

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The drive to Kyungsoo’s apartment isn’t that long considering it is Jongin’s first time to entirely go out of the hospital’s premises once again. He grins as soon as the redhead wheels him inside his place, his blurred vision managing to land upon and recognize a giddy Jieon who’s holding a balloon beside Sehun and Luhan.

“Welcome back oppa! Welcome home!” She exclaims running immediately towards Jongin who opens his arms wide to embrace her.

Landing against male’s toned chest after being lifted by the him onto his lap, Jieon giggles and kisses Jongin’s cheek as a welcome home gift. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo settles their things by the side, laughing as he watches the interaction unfold between Jongin and Jieon.

Luhan claps to gather their attention. “Well, should we start the party?”

Jongin raises a brow. “There’s a party?”

“Yes Jonginnie,” Sehun says jokingly earning a disgusted face from the latter who crinkles his nose. “We prepared a small party for your return.”

“I helped bake the cake oppa!”

“Oh, really? My you’re really growing up well our little princess!”

“Of course oppa, I even designed the cupcakes.” Jieon smiles proudly making Jongin ruffle her hair in affection.

“Hey don’t forget about me,” Kyungsoo pipes in all of a sudden causing Jongin to smirk at him.

“Oh of course my dear Kyungie,” The younger male slyly says. “How about you, what did you do?”

“Kimchi spaghetti.”  Kyungsoo simply responds and that’s all it takes for Jongin to eagerly prod for the party to start and for all of them to finally head towards the living room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sounds of laughter echoes through the place like a merry song,

The memories carving deep symbols in my heart…

I stare at each of them for minutes too long,

Finally, a treasure to keep before I go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kyungsoo had always been a creative and curious person.

His habits consist mainly of trying to experiment and meddle with things to discover something new, to form a better version of that material such that it could compare to a word like perfection.

Of course that was how he exactly wanted to think of himself even before Kim Jongin came because with Jongin’s arrival, mostly everything in Kyungsoo’s world managed to change with a magnificent 360 degree turn equally taunting and baffling him at the same time.

That’s not to say though that Kyungsoo instantly refrained from being the creative and curious man that he was, if noted, he even became more inquisitive than before due to the fact that anything Jonginized is a legit breath of fresh air and Kyungsoo finds himself, wanting, needing to know how the younger male was actually made.

Was it sadness that made him? Or happiness that broke him?

The thoughts simmer through the filter in Kyungsoo’s mind as he lays down at night, wondering how he was actually going to pull out something better from the shell of a human named Kim Jongin. He tried to twist him, carve and bend him into another form but Jongin like he really is, is an unbreakable force which eventually caused the older male to raise the white flag in defeat while he watched at last how his own world seem to have shifted under his feet just because of the emerald skinned lad.

It was a slow acceptance, something Kyungsoo wanted to refuse at first yet something he ended up actually taking into heart. The fact that whatever relationship he first had with Jongin  bordered on a give and take basis, falling in love with the other male wasn’t exactly a long process therefore making him tattoo into his whole being that whenever he offers to piece Jongin back together or recreate him, he loses a part of his own self – and although it was a little late, Kyungsoo was fortunate enough to figure out that given fact.

But that doesn’t make it easier because every rule has an exception.

And Kyungsoo, during those rare opportunities when he’s actually able to think straight and in a routine like manner, the same way he does even before Jongin came barging into his life, entertains the suppressed creativity inside of him and fills his mind with the idea that somehow Jongin might be a fallen angel – one which is similar to those who he usually reads about in books before or those he uses as subject for his sculpture, something that’s too detailed that he’d actually get wounded just by sculpting it – a beauty formed by the darkest flaws.

The hilarity of it all seems to strike him. Makes him laugh and cry at the same time because it’s ironic how he struggles to keep his artistic sense intact and stuck inside his body when in fact he feels the most inspired when he’s around Jongin. Then perhaps it could just be his cautious nature stopping him but Kyungsoo never deals too much with the word cautious when it comes to art unless his near perfection or its palpable to an extent and therefore this says just enough, for Kyungsoo is perfectly aware on how the real deal really revolves around on how he’s afraid to recklessly damage such masterpiece called Kim Jongin. So he holds back as much as he can knowing somehow that when he tears or cuts a part of Jongin away to fix him, a bigger part of himself ebbs away into absolute nothingness.

This is when they say that good things eventually come after we learned the hard way.

Because Kyungsoo knows and feels how utterly rewarding it is to just merely see Jongin snuggled comfortably against his side, softly snoring as the older male simply stares at him sleep. And somehow while he twirls the dream catcher in his hand, a smile finds its way onto his face after realizing that not all sacrifices are futile attempts of restoration or salvation. For with Jongin by his side, every nothing would mean everything and all the things would make sense.

As long as they’re together, Kyungsoo wouldn’t mind even if his soul had floated away and crumpled into dust because it’s Jongin and Jongin is all that matters.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Where are we going hyung?” Jongin’s voice is weak as he speaks with eyes closed. It’s been a week since he was dismissed from the hospital and he and Kyungsoo just finished attending his first check-up ever since that day.

Kyungsoo sings a little, fixing the strap of the seat belt against Jongin’s body before answering the younger male. “I have a surprise,” He begins with a smile on his face. “Since you’ve been recovering pretty well, I wanted to show you something.”

Jongin grins, “Then can I doze off first?”

“Sure,” Kyungsoo says before starting the car’s engine. “I’ll wake you up when we’re there.”

And with that said, the older male finally starts driving. He taps his fingers softly against the steering wheel, singing at the same time with the ballad music that blasts in low tunes inside the car. The drive to their destination is almost an hour seeing how it’s a little bit far from the hospital and luckily, Jongin remains peacefully asleep making the latter glad that he doesn’t have to be bothered by the younger male’s questions when he gets too curious for his own good.

Eventually, they arrive at their stop with the older male gently shaking Jongin awake after parking the car. Carefully, he assists him in walking as the man no longer uses the wheelchair due to his insistence on not being even a foot near it so he could easily recover he lamely reasoned to an amused Kyungsoo. They walk, the redhead simply guiding Jongin by the waist who surprisingly remains quiet as they move.

It’s not until they’re actually by their place that Jongin speaks. “Hyung are we in an arena or something?”

“It’s a theater Jonginnie.” Kyungsoo confirms before claiming the soft and plush interior of the seat beside the one Jongin is occupying. “I brought you here because they have something special to show today.”

“But you know that I really can’t see clearly Kyungsoo.”

“But you can still hear,” Kyungsoo responds, placing his own hand over Jongin’s cold ones. “And besides you’re really going to enjoy this, trust me.”

“I hope so.” Jongin stiffly answers in return.

Slowly, he tries to listen, carefully processing the sounds of people entering the area like a swarm of bees buzzing against the sides of his ears. There’s the shuffling of foot paired with the rustling of something like plastic and somehow the sound seems awfully familiar to him. He tries to listen more, catching the clinking of heels against the floor and the squeaks of rubber shoes as voices of people weave in and out of his hearing.

“Are there people carrying bouquets with them?” Jongin suddenly asks which makes Kyungsoo chuckle.

“Wow, I didn’t know you’re that good to distinguish that sound. And yes you’re right, some people are indeed carrying bouquets with them, how did you know?”

“The somewhat plastic sound, the one use to usually cover a bouquet like a plastic foil, the sound is familiar.”

“Really?” Kyungsoo says, a tinge of amusement lacing his voice. Jongin wonders in return, feeling something kick within his gut with whatever Kyungsoo had prepared for him. He notices how the crowd slowly shushes before everything is as quiet as it could be then suddenly, a piano piece that Jongin had memorized his whole life starts to play in the theater and he is brought out of his reverie, not even knowing what to feel exactly.

“The Nutcracker.” He muses silently, gradually tightening his hold on Kyungsoo’s hand that is interlaced with his.

Nostalgia creeps onto him, pulling him full force into the pit of memories where flashes of him being the recital’s male lead plays like a classic movie tinted in black and white making him feel like it was just a far-off dream he used to have. As the music continues to play, he realizes that the show is about to start and somehow he notices a dull ache spreading through his muscles as if reminding him of the days when he’d practice for hours and days and months just to get a step right, just to achieve that sense of grace and poise that makes him think his soaring into the sky with wings that are as light as they could be.

The film of memories continues to roll in his mind the same time the play progresses and as he senses the ending of the recital, a vivid image of him doing a routine of pirouette, grand jetes and passionate sissonnes flashes within his thoughts making him tremble a little as Kyungsoo gently squeezes  his hand in comfort. A lone tear escapes his eyes and as he hears the final melody played, the whole place drifting into silence, he is struck with the gradual swirl of images in his head, the last one bringing the most impact with him perfectly leaping off the ground in such a manner that makes his skin tingle because it give him back the feeling of being a butterfly, beautiful and free from the bound of reality’s condemning chains.

Cheers and claps fill the room and Kyungsoo finally turns to Jongin as light brightens the whole theater once again. He gasps, seeing the trace of tears on the younger male’s cheek making him alarmed.

“Jongin, oh my, are you okay? Didn’t you like it?” He states in panic and Jongin merely gives him a smile back. “Jongin.”

“T