Chapter XIX.

Storm

Home has never been more of a prison since Kyungsoo came back from their trip to Joonmyeon’s villa. Compared to when they first went there with Jongin together, he comes back with a single duffle bag in his hand and with only himself.

Minutes after his arrival, he lazily lifts the newly heated kettle filled with warm coffee and pours a generous amount into his cup. Walking, he settles himself on the couch where he stares into the open with a blurry state of mind.

Traces of Jongin presents itself to the redhead as his gaze falls on the different items scattered inside his apartment. Breathing deeply, he holds back his tears and pushes himself to stand up so he can place his things inside his room. Carrying his duffle bag, his heart suffers another shock as he opens the door to his room and finds an assorted set of papers placed on his bed in a neat manner.

He lunges toward the center of his attention and sees the messages written on the pieces of papers.

Sorry hyung.

Never forget to smile.

You’re the best sculptor.

I hope I could stay.

The last one is placed inside an envelope and Kyungsoo’s torn between wanting to open it and being too afraid to satisfy his curiosity. However, the latter option seemed more feasible for the redhead so he carefully tore the opening of the envelope and with the littlest confidence left in him, he starts reading the words placed into the surface of the colored sheet.

The first laugh was enticing, like a spell that forever pulled me into you. I’m the blind man who had nothing much to offer but thank you for taking me in. I love you hyung and I know I have no right to even apologize or ask for forgiveness but please be happy for the both of us. You’ve fixed me and I don’t want to break you more so I’m leaving hyung.

A sob in between the mumbles of endless pleads. Kyungsoo drifts from reality once more and curls himself against the end of his bed. He continues reading.

I’m a coward hyung, I know, yet this is the best solution I could think of. Let me love you from afar while you continue to live. Honestly, I wish I could ask my heart to stop beating so it won’t hurt but I really love you hyung so I assure you you’re the only one. I love you Do Kyungsoo for eternity.

At every single cry that Kyungsoo lets out, the more he felt his heart being clenched. It was impossible to say he was fine after all that suddenly happened, and it bothered him more that he really didn’t receive a concrete reason as to why Jongin just vanished like thin air. Feeling betrayed, the hurt that seemingly punched the redhead in the face was stronger than anger right at the moment.

So he cries his heart out again, agitated and mad at himself all at the same. He screams, hoping that the next day, his tears would no longer fall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Only a month had passed since Jongin disappeared but waiting for him felt like years for Kyungsoo.

Knowing that his mind was place over his head for a reason, Kyungsoo tries to go on each day without turning back as much as he can. But with the daily visits of Jieon since she was adopted by Sehun and Luhan plus the usual instances whenever he had to sculpt something, there would always be a detail, even just the littlest that would remind him of the other male.

But he still tries and being the realistic man he is, the redhead continues with his life in the normal way he thinks he could although that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t wallow in his own misery when evening comes. Unchanging, half of his closet is still filled with the clothes the younger male used to wear and whenever he had the opportunity, he just allows himself to reminisce about him by wearing those clothes.

What he's doing would never help him, he realizes. Therefore he tries to be more determined. He closes himself, builds as much walls as he can and entertains rationality and allows it to be his friend. Closing his eyes to further possibilities, Kyungsoo does his best not to be stuck in time and moves forward and forward though whether he admits it or not, every step he takes to the future, a little of himself remains in the past and freezes with it.

To be able to forget pain is unnerving in all sense and views you can see it, yet as much as Kyungsoo would like that, living is not the same without feeling a little pain if possible. Unfortunately, the ache he experiences is much bigger than it’s supposed to be so he just reminds himself every single time that some people have it worst than him, which to say is sadistic but good enough for him.

Like a cycle, days remain constant and irrelevant except when Kyungsoo talks to people he likes, meaning Luhan, Jieon and Sehun. Sculpting becomes more a past time now for him rather than work and he prepares patiently prepares for the reveal of his new collection which is 3 weeks from the current time.

Sunday, t