Shinkyung knew it’s just another dream. Heejin had her reckless hair back and wasn’t sporting glasses like the last time they met, not to mention that the interior of Cinderella Beauty Boutique was back to its original state.

“Here is my little princess!” Heejin exclaimed while lifting up a little girl from the ground. “Have you been fine, sweetie?”

“Yes, I’ve been. Thank you.” The little one answered politely. “How Jin unnie has been?”

It’s me. Shinkyung recognized her younger self in the kid’s face and voice tone. Watching herself act from the outside felt like watching a movie.

“Same old, same old.” Heejin joked a little then turned to the other figure standing a foot away from them. “Ahjusshi, you also stay?”

Mr. Kang shook his head with a bittersweet smile. Since her appa usually stayed at the shop with her, Shinkyung guessed it was a scene from the time closer to the beginning. No wonder why he’s wearing such formal clothes.

“I’ll pick you up at eleven. Alright, kid?” Mr. Kang patted the girl’s head and with that left.

“We have the whole morning to play together! Isn’t this exciting?” Heejin turned her attention back to the girls in her arms. “Look, even Minji is here!”

Little Shinkyung swapped her head back to look around, “the camera” also following the movement – on a mat in the back of the shop was another little girl, sitting and doing a puzzle with a serious expression on her face.

“Go and play with her. I’ll make you some hot chocolate. How does that sound?”

“If you make some for Minji too, it’s okay.” The little girl replied without a smile.

Heejin put her back to the ground.

“I’ll be right back, just watch!”

Shinkyung felt go dry. I was a nonchalant and problematic kid but Jin unnie was so nice with me… I should drop by the boutique some time. She deserves to get her care back.

While she was busy with nostalgia, little Shinkyung had already arrived beside her only friend at the shop, Minji. Lee Minji, Shinkyung remembered her name and her short hair with purple pins. She’s also been a quiet and a bit indifferent, just like Shinkyung, that’s why they got along enough to play next to each other and occasionally talk.

“Hi, Minji.”

“Hi, Shinkyung. You’re late.” Minji put another piece to its place: the white horse in front of the sunset was almost complete. She could do hundred-piece puzzles easily despite of her young age. I wonder if she’s still doing it or not… If she does, she’s at expert level now probably.

“Appa woke up late.” Little Shinkyung answered while taking place on the mat too. Her unconcerned tone disturbed the dreaming Shinkyung too much. “Can I help you?”

“No, it’s almost finished.”

Why did I even ask that all the time? Minji obviously wanted to complete puzzles alone, Shinkyung thought. Did I want to be useful that much?

As an answer to her question, little Shinkyung asked:

“Should I give you the pieces then one by one?”

“I said no.”

“But –“

“Did you not get it? I don’t need you.”

Both Shinkyungs stiffened. Minji was the one who said those words but they weren’t belonging to her.

“Nobody needs you.” Minji continued, eyes fully on the puzzle pieces, her voice still as nonchalant as it could be. She was like stating facts one after another. “The kids here all hate you… They told me not to speak to you but you’re too desperate for me to ignore you.”

Shinkyung listened dumbfounded. Minji has been nonchalant but not cruel. Why is she saying this? Is she saying someone else’s words still?

“Your so-called-friends also don’t need you... Miyeon is finally happy. You shouldn’t ruin her happiness by interfering anymore. She could do well without you, you know? So could Sungmin. You made him feel miserable, you know? And then there’s Donghae…”

“Stop it!” The dreaming Shinkyung wanted to shout but her voice was nowhere to be found. Little Shinkyung just sat there like she wouldn’t hear anything. Maybe she did, she just didn’t know Minji is talking about her friends in the future.

“He’s almost as pitiful as you.” Minji spoke again. “He thought for a moment that you could make him happy but of course he was wrong. So now he’s also unhappy because of you. He’s like every people around you now… You can’t make people happy, Shinkyung, not when you’re alive. It’s time for you to face it.”

It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream, Shinkyung repeated in her mind like a mantra as Dr. Kim advised her to do at times like this. If I want it bad enough, I’ll wake up. It’ll be over.

Minji put the last piece of puzzle to its place. The puzzle was completed – but instead of the white horse with the sunset it showed a portrait from the past.

“It won’t be over until you do what you have to, Kang Shinkyung.”

Shinkyung woke up panting. She straightened her ruffled hair out and wiped her forehead. It’s been sincerely ages since she’s had such a bad nightmare.

Something is seriously wrong here, she thought as she went down to their bathroom to wash her face and get something to sleep. How long it has been since things had settled? A month? Almost a month if I remember right… Why do I keep having nightmares since then? They’re worse and worse as time passes too.

Shinkyung looked into the mirror above the basin. There was sweat sticking to her forehead and her hair was damp as a consequence of it. The deep, dark circles under her eyes made her look completely spent.

“Things are alright now.” She said half aloud to her reflection. “I should be alright too.”

She bit her lip and opened the cupboard broadly. She searched for a certain, blue box with her eyes when she realized she won’t find it.

Right, appa threw my pills away a few months ago.

She quickly washed her face, dried it with a towel and quietly closed the door of the bathroom to sneak back to her bed. Nightmares or bad feelings, her appa can’t know about this. He suffered enough because of them in the past.

“Kid, are you there?”

Oh my, speaking of.

Shinkyung reached back for the towel and put it around her neck just before her father got out of his room with a big yawn.

“Everything is alright?”

“Yes, I’ve just had a shower.” Shinkyung even patted her head with the towel to make sure his father believes her suddenly made up story.

Mr. Kang turned back with a frown to look at the big clock on the wall of the living room.

“At three a.m.? You were studying until this late?”

“I still have a few exams ahead… Sorry if I woke you up, appa.”

“It’s okay.” Mr. Kang tried out a smile but soon it faded away. “I hope it won’t be a tradition from now on though. It just disturbs your sleeping hours. Dr. Kim emphasized how important is it for you, didn’t he?”

Shinkyung lowered her head. If he’s this upset because of some late night showering, imagine how upset he would be if he knew my real reason… That’s exactly why he can’t know a thing.

“Yes, he did. I’m sorry, appa. It won’t happen again.”

Mr. Kang sighed and stepped closer to her daughter to take him into an embrace.

“Soon we have to visit Mr. Kim for examination. You didn’t forget about that, right?”

Shinkyung felt the time stop for a bit.

The examination in every half year… Is it this November? Oh my. Why do I forget everything? Or accurately why do I forget about everything important when I remember every moment of the past?

“I want him to find nothing.” Her father continued, softly murmuring into her hair. “I want him to deliver you’re healthy and we don’t have to visit him anymore. No more prescriptions, pills or examinations… You want that too, right, my Shinkyung-a? You’ll do well.”

Don’t cry, Kang Shinkyung. Don’t you dare to cry, she commanded herself. Don’t make him feel worse. You’ve done that enough in the past.

“I will appa.” Shinkyung responded as calmed and collected as she could. “I’ll do well.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her dream apparently wasn’t so wrong.

Miyeon and Donghae’s relationship was still going strong without her care – they came to school hand in hand every day, murmured sweet nothings to each other when they thought nobody is looking and got as red as tomatoes whenever one of their friends said something suggesting.

Just like that chilly November morning when Shinkyung, Seowon and Eunhyuk were standing outside school waiting for them.

“Where are they?” Eunhyuk whined. “I can’t feel my toes anymore.”

“Look who’s talking. I can’t feel my legs.” Seowon emphasized her words by motioning towards her lower half covered by only a skirt and Sukjong’s lame grey stockings. “Seriously, why should girls always wear skirts as part of the uniform?”

“It’s y though.”

Shinkyung listened to the couple’s bicker with a smile. There was a time when she was worried when she saw them like this but she learned with time that in Seowon and Eunhyuk’s case it’s nothing but affection.

Soon the awaited couple appeared on the corner.

“Good morning, guys.” Miyeon greeted them.

“Finally! Did you get lost or something?” Seowon nagged a bit.

Eunhyuk wiggled his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

“Yeah, they probably got lost in each other.”

As it had been expected, both Miyeon and Donghae blushed deeply and looked too embarrassed to say a word. While in the former’s case it was something usual (Miyeon blushes incredibly easily), in the latter’s it was a newly acquired skill. Shinkyung guessed it’s because he hasn’t had so many relationships before. (Since she has attended Sukjong, Donghae didn’t have a girlfriend but it all wasn’t enough to state it’s his first relationship. Not to mention that kiss scene from the party… It was easy to see he has experience.)

Shinkyung sighed and kicked Eunhyuk in the shin lightly.

“Ya!”

“It’s not even eight p.m. but you’re already torturing them, oppa. Give them a break, okay?”

Eunhyuk pouted.

“Your accusation hurts me, dongsaeng-a.”

Seowon soothed him with a kiss on the nose giggling.

“Let’s get inside before we freeze to death!”

The five of them left the school gates behind and walked towards the main building while chatting.

“Will weird references ever stop?” Miyeon asked with little hope.

Donghae and Shinkyung grinned at each other.

“Not in this lifetime, ‘Yeonnie.”

“You better get used to it. Sorry.”

Heartbreaks, awkwardness or uncertainty, with time Shinkyung and Donghae kind of made up. Kind of because they haven’t really talked about the happening in the blue tent but they’ve started to talk to each other again when others were around.

I don’t think I could speak with him in two but it’s okay, Shinkyung thought. It’s better than losing him completely. This will be enough.

“Do your exams go well, Shin-a?” Donghae asked as they settled down in the girls’ homeroom.

Shinkyung froze. What an appropriate question…

“They go well.”

Donghae narrowed his eyes at her.

“Why do you seem so tensed then?”

“The Math exam is on Friday.” Miyeon explained while packing her books. “We’re all nervous.”

“Actually I am not.” Seowon leaned over their table with a huge grin. “According to Mrs. Han my improvement is fantastic.”

Eunhyuk rolled his eyes with an affectionate smile.

“That’s exactly why I fell in love with you. Your unlimited modesty trapped me for real.”

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