i.

“It’s freezing; why exactly do you do this again?”

The snow crunched under their feet and the wind howled in their ears, causing their breaths to rise in spirals in front of them.

“I told you not to come,” Sungjong reminded, ing his hands deeper into his pockets.

Suzy let out a puff of breath. “I wanted to come. And I don’t regret it. It’s nice out here.”

Sungjong looked around. It was dark; only the dim light from the streetlights overhead lit the way faintly, and that from an occasional pair of headlights of passing cars. The moon was eclipsed and the sky held only a few wisps of cloud. A thin sheet of mist hid everything two feet away from them and as they walked forward, a new bit of the scenery seemed to unfold in front of them, like magic.

After a few more steps, the gate of the cemetery loomed in front of them, and Sungjong quickened his pace.

“It looks creepy,” Suzy whispered, her hands clinging around Sungjong’s arm.  He had to laugh – he couldn’t believe he had brought along Suzy for courage. Last year, when he had been visiting this place alone, he had freaked out. Even though he was mostly a fearless person, something about this abandoned cemetery, the chipped marble stones and the leafless trees, stirred up a hidden dread in him.

“Here we are.” Sungjong stood in front of a black marble headstone. He slowly placed the single rose he carried in his pocket on the stone and bent down. Then he brought out a candle from his pocket, and lighting it in the shade of his hand, he sat down on the ground, cross-legged. After a moment of hesitation, Suzy sat down beside him.

They didn’t speak and Sungjong seemed to be waiting for something. He was staring at the candle flame, dancing in the wind and if it threatened to go out, he would shield it with his hand.

“Sungjong, who -”

“Suzy, you promised no questions,” Sungjong reminded her. She nodded and fell quiet. From a sidelong glance, he saw her resting her chin on her knees, the light from the candle flickering in her eyes. Somewhere cicadas were chirping and Sungjong realized that they were the only two people in this deserted place, surrounded by the dead – she at least deserved something from him. “Are you frightened?”

“No,” Suzy said, her voice shaking a little. She then turned to face him and smiled. “Not if you are here.”

Sungjong returned the smile. “We’ll wait till the candle melts down, okay?”

Suzy nodded in agreement. When the candle was about half-burnt, she said, “I never knew being in a graveyard could be so relaxing, that too in freezing cold.”

Sungjong bit his lips apologetically. “I’m so sorry.”

“I mean it,” Suzy said. Her hand reached out and took his unusually warm ones. “You’re hot,” she said, shifting closer to him.

“You flatterer.” They both laughed. The sound howled in the cold wind. “At least it isn’t snowing.”

A gust of wind blew, threatening the flame to go out and Suzy quickly shielded the candle, moving it closer to the headstone. When the wind had passed, it was still lighted but Suzy was frowning, her eyes narrowed. She was scrutinizing the gravestone and before Sungjong could stop her, she was rubbing off the snowflakes that covered a part of the black stone.

“Kim.” Her breath caught in as she whipped around, looking at Sungjong with terror-filled eyes. “Kim,” she whispered again. She looked scared and her eyes wanted confirmation. Sighing, Sungjong brushed off the remaining snow from the stone, revealing the full name of the deceased.

“Kim Myunghyun?” Suzy looked confused as she looked at Sungjong. Her eyes were clearly demanding an answer.

Sungjong was uncertain – telling her would be a breach of the secret he had sworn to keep, but then he realized that the promise was to himself only.

“Myungsoo’s dad.” Comprehension dawned on her face but several other questions replaced the first in her eyes. He understood that she was disputed about asking them aloud. However, she had earned the answers.

“We used to come here every year, Myungsoo and I, and wait until the candle went out. It was Myungsoo’s idea. He never forced me; I accompanied him, even though I catch cold easily; it was my way of telling him that I would go through everything with him, the good and the bad. No excuses on my part.”

Sungjong heard a sharp intake of breath from her – he knew why. This was the first time he had mentioned Myungsoo to her in a long time; between them, it was a silent pact to pretend that Myungsoo didn’t exist, and he never had.

“I never noticed,” she finally said.

He had carried on the tradition even after Myungsoo had left – it wasn’t out of love for the son, but rather for the father. The first time he had come here without Myungsoo, he was hiding behind the shadows because he thought Myungsoo would be there. But for some reason, he hadn’t continued the tradition that Sungjong kept up. It was odd, Myungsoo was the son here, but Sungjong couldn’t help it.

The only thing he feared was the remotest chance that he was waiting to run into Myungsoo here one day. And maybe, that was what exactly Myungsoo feared and so he had stopped coming. He couldn’t bear it but in Suzy’s eyes, he saw the accusation he didn’t want to believe.

It has nothing to do with Myungsoo, he told himself. Nothing at all.

ii.

It was finally spring. The winter had been so long that everyone had expected it to last for another few months but just as suddenly as it had come, the snow was gone.

The picnic had been Suzy’s idea, something to celebrate the first day of spring. Sungjong wasn’t sure why he had agreed; maybe he thought he needed some time away from the house which didn’t involve work. It was nothing fancy, and Sungjong had always wanted to see the Butterfly Park.

A fresh breeze started blowing as they spread the picnic cloth on the grassy ground and set down their picnic basket. They had brought Suzy’s car; Sungjong didn’t prefer driving anyways.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Suzy asked, smiling as the wind ruffled her long hair. She picked up a daisy from the rows of flowers and tucked it behind her ears. She tried to put one on Sungjong as well and after much nagging, he relented, letting her take a picture of them as well. It came out nicely but he stiffened slightly when she said she would use it as her wallpaper. It was a harmless comment, but Sungjong felt that there was meaning behind it. He planned to delete it, if he got the chance.

Suzy then read out loudly from a poem book she had brought while Sungjong sat staring off to the distance. He had always loved poetry and Suzy’s reading was nice indeed. Her voice and the hum of bees and wasps put him into a gentle reverie – he saw the daisies nodding their heads with the wind. And then they started moving until they were too close to him…

“Sungjong!” It was Suzy. She put her hand on his. “Are you okay?”

Sungjong realized that the daisies he had seen moving were actually yellow prints on Suzy’s dress. He found her much closer than he remembered her last.

“I need a walk,” Sungjong said, getting up. He realized that Suzy’s poem selections were not arbitrary. “Alone,” he added when she made to stand up. He was hating himself more and more, but he had to say something that he knew would hurt her.

“Suzy, you’re a good friend. A very good friend, best friend in fact.”

The rest, he realized, she could deduce from his tone.

iii.

Pushing her away was rude, but Sungjong had to do it. He couldn’t stand it; his head was about to explode. He hadn’t meant to be so forceful but Suzy was thrown to the floor, from where she looked up, clearly hurt.

“At least…at least…” she mumbled through her tears while Sungjong ran a hand through his hair.

Sungjong bent down to help her up.

“Suzy I’m sorry but please, please I’m begging you don’t ever do that again. Ever, please.”

They had been standing in her foyer after he had handed her the present she had got for her from his trip to Venice. It was a lapis lazuli locket and he had had qualms about getting it for her when he had bought it. The central design was an intricately carved heart but no matter how many other designs the lady at the shop had shown him, he was drawn to this piece. In the end, he got it, hoping Suzy would take it for what it was – a token of friendship and gratitude. But his hopes proved false – Suzy had misunderstood her intention, and had leaned in until…his lips still burned.

“Suzy I’m sorry I shouldn’t have gotten -” Sungjong suddenly frowned. Suzy hadn’t even seen the locket – it was still in the box she was holding tightly in her hand.

His head started to spin – That means she misinterpreted nothing, she has no misgivings whatsoever…

He couldn’t stand to see the tears in her eyes – he simply turned around and walked briskly to his house, safe from her tears and her pain and cocooned in his.