Dear Myungsoo,

There is someone right? Someone new in your life? Don’t bother, I’ve known it for some time now, and it’s fine. I don't have anyone new in my life and I don't even want to, and it's still fine.

She makes you smile, doesn't she? The last time I saw you, you weren't smiling. Your eyebrows were knitted together, your lips upturned. It was hard, watching you like that. But it was even more difficult to watch you leave. I wonder what you had seen on my face before you left. Were you disappointed in me? Were you sad? Were you tired of me? I wonder, I still wonder...

Maybe she is what I wasn't, what I couldn't be. She probably has lesser problems, and she loves you without any questions. Would you have loved me if I had changed? She's probably caffe latte just the way you like it, whereas I'm hot chocolate gone cold. But could you do me a favor and leave the details out? I don’t want to know about her, what perfume she wears, what she does to make you look up from your work – you can keep those to yourself.

In return, I’m not going to tell you about myself.

I won’t tell you that I have almost become an insomniac, because whenever I drift off to sleep, I hear your footsteps in the hallways, or the sound of you clearing your throat in the bathroom, or your hand scrape the skin right above my waist. I also hear the tea swirling heavily in your teacup, the closing of your bureau drawer, and what I hear the most, louder than everything else, is the silence of your absence.

PS: She is really pretty right? I don’t want an honest answer, no I don’t.

With love,

Sungjong