Li An’s POV

I shut the door behind me and started heading towards school. Things weren’t the same; they hadn’t been the same since Alix had left. Baekhyun and I had noticed that Chanyeol had changed as well. We didn’t really talk to him anymore - we’d had a small falling out when he snapped at me. I just wanted to know where Alix had gone. I really missed her. I felt like my days were incomplete without seeing her or hearing from her. She was my best friend and she just disappeared without saying goodbye. Even if I could see her only once more - I just wanted to know where she was. I wanted to know if she was safe. I could feel myself tearing up again. Where are you eomma? Please come back.

I gently wiped at my eyes so people wouldn’t guess I had been crying: I still had a reputation to uphold. But then again that seemed to be going down hill. People could see things; people could talk. I knew rumours would start spreading eventually, but I didn’t want them to. I tried to be careful but I could hear them murmuring about Sehun and me, and Baekhyun and me as well. I prayed to god that Baekhyun wouldn’t pick up on them.

We had been kind of distant too. We weren’t so in love anymore. I mean, I loved him but I hardly saw him. He knew something was bothering me - and I knew he knew. But I wouldn’t tell him - he would think I was being my usual drama queen self, but I knew something was wrong with the entire situation. I had been feeling it for a few days by then. I felt like I was being constantly watched, and everyday something weird would happen. Normally if people avoided me in school it would be because I was popular and pretty and I intimidated them, but now I felt like they were avoiding me for completely different reasons; like they physically didn’t want to be near me.

I turned the corner to enter the school when I tripped over something and fell, landing on my knees. All the students turned to stare as I frowned and picked myself up. Turning around, I saw him. I saw Kai. I hated him with a passion. I often saw him with Sehun, yet I didn’t know why Sehun liked him. He was horrible. So horrible I doubted his humanity sometimes.

He looked directly at me and smirked, “Oops.”

I paused. Biting my lip, I threw my books on the ground. What was I doing? I heard a crash of lightning and the rain came bursting down. Kai looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

“Is that all you can do? You’re so pathetic. You throw a book and make it rain. Big whoop.”

I raised my hand and went to slap him; having had enough of his crap. All he did was push me around for no reason. I felt someone grab my hand and I turned to see Sehun staring down at me. He shook his head at me then looked to Kai.

“That’s enough.” His voice was calm, yet anything but.

Sehun gently let go of my hand and handed me his umbrella to shelter me from the rain. I blushed and took it. We stood in the rain for a split second just staring at each other. I looked away awkwardly and quietly thanked him before walking. I didn’t understand Sehun’s gestures towards me. Why was he so nice to me? Honestly, I liked it though. I would do anything for Sehun. He had been there for me when I needed him. He always listened to me and comforted me when I cry. I couldn’t help but question; did I love him now? Surely not, for I still didn’t know him. I couldn’t anyway. I had Baekhyun. ...But recently Baekhyun hadn’t been there for me, and no matter how I denied it I did care for Sehun.

“Are you going to run off to your other boyfriend now? If he still is your boyfriend, that is. Does he know you’re cheating on him?”

Kai.

I turned back around, dropping the umbrella. I went to push him, electricity pulsing through my veins. When I touched him he flew back, banging against a bin. I stepped back astonished. I’m sure everyone saw that. Even though I wasn’t looking at them, I could feel every single person’s eyes on me. I turned around; Sehun was staring at me his mouth gaping open. I grabbed the umbrella and ran inside of the school. That had happened a lot lately. Not blasting people into bins, but if I got emotional strange things would happen; like when I slapped Baekhyun that day, or when Sehun was around and the glasses smashed on the kitchen floor. I was scared. I wasn’t sure if it was me doing it or it was just my imagination.

I put the umbrella down and placed it against the door. I walked towards my locker and could see Baekhyun in the distance. Usually I would jump at the sight of him, but today I just couldn’t bring myself to. I couldn’t bring myself to be the cheerful self that I usually was. I walked over to him casually and without saying a word to each other we opened up our lockers. I placed the books I didn’t need in the locker and turned to face Baekhyun. We headed towards the music room, not speaking a word to each other. I could feel that Baekhyun wanted to say something. I did too. I wanted to tell him it would be alright. I wanted to tell him about the dream I had. I wanted to tell him about the vision. I wanted to tell him about all this strange stuff happening when I got upset. But I couldn’t. I had this unyielding notion that if I told him, I would hurt him. And that was the last thing I wanted to do.

The day went by extremely slowly and it was soon lunch time. I knew I wouldn’t stay around the school for lunch. I wanted to see if I could find Alix. I knew I wouldn’t, but I did this every lunch now - it was oddly comforting. I spent every free moment I had looking for her.

As I left the school I saw Kai and Sehun again. They were always there. I walked past them and saw Sehun smiled at me. He actually smiled at me. He never smiled. I felt oddly proud that I could draw this reaction from him, but I didn’t react - I kept my head down and kept walking. I didn’t know what to do.

Alix would. She always seemed to. So I had to find her. I just had to.

*

Baekhyun’s POV

As soon as the bell rang for lunch, she left the classroom. It was always like that now. I couldn’t even get two words out of her. Ever since Alix had disappeared she had withdrawn in on herself. I felt like she had been keeping secrets from me. Actually, I knew she was keeping secrets from me - she had been since she had met Sehun. She wouldn’t tell me anything but she would happily spill her heart to Sehun. She would tell him anything. I’ve heard her on the phone to him. She may not really acknowledge him at school - she probably doesn’t want any rumours to spread - but whenever we’re at her house I can hear her crying on the phone to him because she misses Alix. It really hurts.

It hurts that she feels that she has to talk to someone she hardly knows rather than her own boyfriend. She used to tell me everything. She doesn’t cry to me anymore. She doesn’t show any emotion to me anymore. Is it sick that I would happily see her cry as long as it was me she was crying to?

I left the classroom and began to follow her. I could see her rushing through the crowd and I tried to catch up with her. I wanted to sort everything out. I wanted us to be okay. I needed that reassurance that we’d both okay - that this was just a bump in the road; nothing serious. I stopped walking after a while. I sighed and turned back towards the music room to release some stress. As I was walking I could hear people murmuring and see people staring.

“-but they are still dating-”

“-poor Baekhyun; so clueless-”

“-I knew as soon as he started here she would go after him-”

“-He doesn’t even know she has-”

“She has what?!” I snapped turning around to a nearby group of girls.

They all jumped back. I didn’t mean to shout at them. I didn’t understand what they were saying. I heard my name and I heard them obviously referencing Sehun and Li An but what did it mean? The girls murmured among themselves and left. I punched my hand against the lockers and rested my head on them. I was so worried. I was so scared. I was going to lose her. I didn’t want to lose her. I was in love with her. She had been in love with me.

I ran my fingers through my hair and turned around, staring down towards the floor. The words they were saying kept circulating my brain. Was I missing something?

They suggesting that Li An was cheating on me with Sehun. I wasn’t dumb enough to deny that’s what everyone in the whole freaking school seemed to think. I’d thought about it myself. It would make sense if she was. I never saw her nowadays because of him - the phone calls, the late night meet ups. Of course she was cheating on me. I was just stupid and denying it.

So let’s say I stopped denying it now. What to think, what to think. Well to start, why would she do this to me? I’ve never showed her anything but love!

I turned around and punched the lockers again before storming out of the school. I could feel the anger pulse through my body as I shoved everyone aside. I needed to find him. Sehun. The one who started it all. Everything was his fault. If Li An had never met Sehun then we would still be happy! And Alix! If she hadn’t disappeared to who-knows--where then Li An wouldn’t be so depressed! Chanyeol for even going out with her in the first place. Chanyeol - my so-called best friend who’s abandoned me as much as Alix has abandoned Li An. I hated them. I hated them all.

I could see Sehun in the distance looking over at me. I marched right up to him and punched him straight in the face. He stumbled back a little and looked at me.

“What the hell dude?!”

“Stay away from Li An you erted ! I don’t care what you two have done behind my back but it stops now! If you ever hurt her I’ll- ...I’ll kill you!”

“Well sorry for being there for your girlfriend when you clearly aren’t!” Sehun retorted, nearly as loud as myself.

“Shut up Sehun! You are such a ing ! What the does she even see in you!?”

“Something she clearly doesn’t see in you.”

“She loves me!”

“Loved. I believe the correct word is loved.”

I punched him again. I hated him. I hated him so much.

I turned around and saw Li An staring up at me, her eyes filled with fear. I stared back at her and grabbed her hand and pulled her to the side. She so speechless. She didn’t say anything. She looked as if she was going to cry and I could see her looking over at Sehun with a worried expression. 

“Li An...”

Her head turned back to me and I could see her eyes filling up with tears. I stared towards the floor, letting the awkward silence fill our surrounding. She knew what was going to happen. We both did.

*

Li An’s POV

I had no luck again. I sighed to myself as I walked back into the school. I was just going to walk inside of the school and find a quiet place to sit and think but I was distracted by shouting. I turned my head, only to see Baekhyun punch Sehun in the face. I started to run over. What was he doing?! Why would he do that to Sehun?! ...Was it because of me? I paused to catch my breath, I could hear Baekhyun shouting. Stop Baekhyun, please - don’t hurt him.

“Stay away from Li An you erted ! I don’t care what you two have done behind my back but it stops now! If you ever hurt her I’ll- ...I’ll kill you!”

What you two have done behind my back? Was he suggesting that I was... cheating on him? How could he even think that? I quietly walked over to him. Sehun and I locked eyes for a moment. Baekhyun turned around and saw me. This was bad. He grabbed my hand and took me to the side. I turned to look at Sehun. I was sorry for what Baekhyun had done. I really was. I wanted Sehun to know that.

“Li An...”

My head turned to Baekhyun and I could see it in his eyes. They were full of pain, full of regret; all of it caused by me. I was too busy trying to protect him that I ended up hurting him anyway. I could feel my eyes fill up with tears. I raised my hand up and stepped forward to place it on his cheek but he stepped back and shook his head. My arm fell back in place and I could my insides tear up. Was this it then?

“I...” He started.

“Please...” I murmured back.

“Li An, we just... aren’t anymore...”

“I love you,” I managed to blurt out.

My face was getting wet and I could feel the tears fall down my face. I felt so weak. Was this even possible? The one thing that once made me feel so strong was now breaking me. I didn’t even want to look at him. Why was he saying this? Was this some kind of bad joke? I wanted it to be a joke. I wanted it to be a bad dream. Please, wake me up.

“...You don’t.”

I tried to tell him that I did love him but I couldn’t force anything else out of my mouth. Nothing was coming out apart from the wails of my crying. I wanted him to know that I still loved him and that it would never change but it wouldn’t come out.

Then, quietly, the words I thought I’d never hear:

“It’s over. We’re over.”

“Baekhyun...”

I felt my body collapse onto the floor and I stared at the ground. I tried to look up at him but I couldn’t. I could only see his legs as he walked away from me and all that we were. My world ended like that. I felt cold even though it was warm, and I was shaking so much as I couldn’t stop crying. I felt someone wrap their arms around me.

“...Baekhyun?”

I wiped my eyes and looked up, praying it was him. But it wasn’t. It was Sehun. Once again he was the one there, ready to piece me back together again. He placed his hands under my eyes and wiped away my tears before taking his jacket off and wrapping it around me. He took my hand and slowly lifted me off the floor. I started darting my head everywhere trying to find Baekhyun.

“I ...I want... I want Baekhyun!”

“Li An-”

“No! I... I love him! I want... I want him!”

Sehun started to speak but I tried to run off to find Baekhyun. Sehun wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. I could hear him shushing me and he slowly turned me round. I shook my head at him still crying. I wanted Baekhyun. I wanted to be in Baekhyun’s arms, not Sehun’s.

“Li An, it will be okay.”

“Aniya! I... I love him!”

“I know...”

Sehun tightened his arms around me and I cried heavily into his chest. He took my hand and we walked back to my house. The walk was long and I was still crying by the time we both reached my front door. Sehun opened up the door and ushered me upstairs to my bedroom. I walked to my bed and collapsed onto it, crying into the pillow. I felt the weight of the mattress go down and Sehun was my hair.

“I will stay here with you - until you want to talk, or until you want to go outside, or... something. I promise.”

“Promises don’t matter. Baekhyun and I promised to love each other forever...” I sobbed into my pillow.

“Then I can’t promise I will always be here, but if you look for me I will always come back.”

I nodded slowly, still crying into my pillow. Sehun lay beside me, his face right next to me. I could feel his breath upon my cheek and I turned to face him. He smiled gently at me wiping my tears. I let him continue to my face as I shut my eyes and waited for the day when everything would be okay: the day when everything would start to get better.

To this day I’m still waiting.

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