Muzikmaster's Review:

 

Title (9/15): Your title was unique, but I thought it could have been better. Also, the title should be capitalized as ‘Breathe In, Breathe Out’, not ‘Breathe in, Breathe out”.

 

Plot/Storyline (15/20): The plot was interesting, and I liked how you didn’t reveal everything. The storyline was well written. The first chapter was interesting and it made me want to know more. Just a thought though, you should try to put in a cliffhanger (meaning something surprising that happened) at the end of the chapter so that the readers want to know what exactly happened.

 

For example: You could’ve said that Anita found out that she was in the men’s washroom and she panicked, trying to get out of there as soon as possible. As she was trying to exit, however, she bumped into another person. Gulping, Anita looked up to see none other than a boy.

 

Grammar (9/10): For a person whose first language isn’t English, I’d say that your spelling and grammar impressed me. The majority of the words were all spelled correctly. Just don’t forget to put apostrophes (‘) in possessive nouns and question marks where they’re supposed to be. Languages such as English and Korean should be capitalized. Also, you can try to chunk the huge paragraphs in smaller ones so they’re easier to read. I preferably write my stories in past tense, but it seems like you write in present tense. That can be a little confusing to read, but other than that, it was fine.

 

Poster/Appeal (5/15):  I took off points since there’s no poster to accompany the story (usually you should get a poster before asking for a review), but five points were added since the story appealed to me and I thought it was interesting.

 

Originality (5/5): I thought the way Anita’s personality is was very original, since you usually see girly main characters. I also thought her meeting with Yoseob in the men’s restroom was really original too. Thumbs up for that!

 

Forewords (13/15): I liked how you gave a brief description of the storyline in the forewords, but didn’t give out too much. However, I think that you can improve your forewords by introducing your characters a little bit, or at least putting the characters’ names’ there. Your author’s note (where you say that English isn’t your first language) should be put at the very bottom instead of right in the middle.

 

Flow (5/5): Your flow is fine. There’s nothing wrong with it. Keep up the great work!

 

Bonus Marks (4/5): One bonus mark for meeting Yoseob first (my bias), another for the great flow and thought put into this, one more for BEAST, and a last one because I really enjoyed it!  

 

Total Enjoyment (8/10): I really liked the story and I’ll be waiting for further chapters! ^^

 

Total (73/100): The story was fine. Keep it up and I hope the review wasn’t too harsh! ^^

 

 

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I'm actually really pleased with the review. It came out way better than I expected!

 

Thanks a lot muzikmaster  for doing the review. ^^ 

 

This has also made me aware that maybe I need an image for this story.. X)

 

 

As for the next chapter, I hope I have your understanding when it comes to when I will publish it. After my last ending, it needs a little work. I'll try to put it up before the 17th though, because that's when I start school again... OTL

 

Se you all around with the next chapter.