Chapter 37

Dinner was quiet that next evening, which wasn’t too unusual but Ricky hated to be so alone with his thoughts. There were four of them around the table: he, Chunji, Changjo and C.A.P. Niel of course had some schedules and L.Joe was just being his usual lonesome self somewhere undisclosed. As he picked over his chicken Ricky couldn’t help but wonder how Niel could keep up his public face that everything was all right. He had more schedules than the rest of them and kept right on working despite the storm raging in his life. Ricky wasn’t even capable of it. Perhaps it was unprofessional of him to be so transparent but Ricky honestly rather the obvious display of one’s feelings rather than keeping it tucked away. He didn’t want his friends to suffer right in front of him and not even know it.

It had been years since Niel’s awful story began and only now was Ricky able to lend his support. He felt like that was wasted time to add to the fact he was ill equipped to do so.

After dinner Ricky was placed on dishes duty as the others ventured to other places in the dorm to complete any personal tasks. It was so quiet, nearly solemn, as if the halls wanted to memorialize the state of the group that day. He finished, dried his hands, and went out of the kitchen only to hear his name called out by the single occupant of the living room.

“Changhyun.”

“Yes, Hyung,” replied Ricky, joining C.A.P on the couch.

He wondered what his leader could want before he recognized that look in his eyes. There was about to be one of those rare moments when C.A.P would be in a leader mode and attempt to guide him.

“You look like something is on your mind. What’s up?” C.A.P asked.

“Do I actually look that reoccupied?”

C.A.P nodded, “And worried. Everything’s OK with Jonghyun, right?”

Ricky was surprised, “Huh? You know about me and Jonghyun!? But it’s a secret.”

“Jonghyun told me,” C.A.P said simply, not a person to use many words.

Ricky flushed and whined.

“It could be worse,” C.A.P reassured him with humor in his tone. “He could be keeping thousands of secrets! Be glad to know he can’t.”

“Ah yeah… when you put it that way,” Ricky assented.

“Trust is really important. I’m glad you both have that.”

“Thanks,” Ricky said, suddenly feeling a bit put out as h remembered the information he learned from Niel about him and Minwoo.

“What’s that face for? I didn’t say anything bad,” C.A.P interrupted his thoughts.

“Ah,” Ricky shook his head. “You’re right but…”

“But?”

“Ah, nothing. Well, OK something,” Ricky laughed nervously. “Uhm, just between you and I, do you and Niel keep secrets from each other?”

C.A.P laughed earnestly at that, throwing his head back.

“Everyone has secrets. It’s a very human thing. Jonghyun is just weirdly open with us. But as for Niel and I, I don’t keep secrets from him despite what he may think.”

“I see,” Ricky said.

“Well, he has a lot of secrets of his own. Even things he think I don’t know but do.”

If he took what C.A.P said at face value it was safe to say that the policy wasn’t a mutual one and by what he said next it was safe to say C.A.P was well aware of it.

“Like what?” the visual maknae pried.

C.A.P took a brief moment to search Ricky’s face, probably wondering if it were OK to divulge the information, if Ricky was worthy of being a confidante. Ricky felt so very duplicate and sinister in that moment. He had already come under Niel’s confidence and now potentially C.A.P too. To have both sides of the story seemed so daunting. Was fate wishing to make him fit to render judgment?

“He’s cheating on me.”

Ricky inhaled sharply, circular eyes widening.

“You look so surprised. So you didn’t know?”

Ricky shook his head in a lie and opened his mouth ready to defend Niel’s nonexistent, at least in this situation, honor.

“He is,” C.A.P continued. “At first I was suspicious of everyone and I feel bad for Byunghun’s sake that I suspected him so badly. He’s not interested in Niel like that. He loves him, yes, but as a hyung. It’s Minwoo I’m certain. I can’t deny it when they act like that in front of me.”

“They’re just friends!” Ricky insisted although he didn’t know why he was doing it himself.

“No, I can tell. He’s in love with Niel.”

“That doesn’t mean Niel loves him back,” came Ricky’s reasoned reply.

“Maybe but he is cheating. And it’s not just physical either. Is it bad that I think I would deal better if it were just ? I know Niel. means nothing to him. But he goes to Minwoo for emotional things. Things he thinks I’m not good enough to help him with.”

Ricky kept shaking his head but lacked the words to refute his hyung’s claim.

“They’re really close I know but they’ve been through a lot together and understand each other and—“

“Does that make it OK?” C.A.P’s interrupted.

Ricky looked down at his lap and hands. What was he to say? It wasn’t OK. He knew it, C.A.P knew it and even Niel knew it.

“I don’t even know why I’m telling you. Maybe because I know you’ll run back and tell him I know. I sure as hell won’t.”

“I’m not going to tell him anything!” Ricky exclaimed.

C.A.P gave a look that showed he didn’t believe him.

“He doesn’t want Minwoo,” Ricky tried again.

“You’re the one Niel’s been talking to, right? He said someone’s given him some advice.”

Ricky blushed but didn’t admit to C.A.P’s accusation.

“I think you should tell him,” he said instead. “No matter how hard it will be for the two of you. You should tell him what you think you know.”

Their eyes met.

“If you do you can start with a clean slate,” Ricky felt emboldened. “It’ll be hard but talk and let everything out.”

“We did talk and it did help, but I’m not ready to hear all of it.”

“Just try. Keep trying until you do.”

----

Niel didn’t have schedules that day other than his vocal lesson but it didn’t stop him from telling the others that he did. After finishing he went out of the building to the waiting car idling at the curb. He opened the door, sliding into the front passenger seat and smiling nervously at the driver.

“Hyung, I’m ready. Let’s go,” he said, voice and hands shaking as he fastened the seatbelt.

“It’s OK, no need to be nervous,” the other occupant of the vehicle replied.

Niel didn’t answer and so the driver continued on.

“I don’t know the entire story but I am proud of you regardless for making this decision.”

Niel sighed. It was a long time coming but he finally had to take Andy’s offer for the free counseling and therapy sessions the company recommended he take after the incident over a little over a year ago.

“Thanks. Let’s hope it helps,” he said the last part quietly, mostly to himself.

Siho manager smiled at his charge gently, “It will.”

-to be continued-

AN - there ya go! If you're confused about the last part it ties in with Niel  at end of chapter 35. uh yeah OMG like it been so long. I traveled all around, stayed in philippines for a month, moved, took fandomhiatus, started other fics, and now here I am! I am about to finish what I started. Last chapter already allplanned out but dunno if epilogue will be written or not.

THANKS EVERYONE FOR THE SUPPORT! Comments are appreciated. so are subs and votes or anything