Chapter 36

Ricky was lying in bed catching up on some reading for school when Chunji and L.Joe came noisily into the room. Ricky sighed, looking up at his work to stare at them in annoyance.

“Do you mind keeping it down?” he asked, before turning to look at his book again.

It was science and if he remembered correctly, there was a planned test coming up that he missed enough classes to be in trouble about passing. Some idols had little trouble balancing their schooling with work but Ricky lacked the self-discipline to do so, often finding himself cramming a day or two before a big exam.

“Byungie’s sleeping here tonight,” Chunji said plopping down on his bed. “Niel and Minsoo locked him out of his room.”

“Manager hyung should really give us room keys,” L.Joe pouted as he sat down beside Chunji.

“Do you really wanna barge in on those two when they have to door locked though?” asked Chunji.

L.Joe laughed, “Now that you mention it…”

Chunji laughed too and Ricky rolled his eyes and looked at the pair again.

“Do you mind?”

“Sorry,” Chunji whispered in apology.

He actually did manage to look sorry but L.Joe merely smirked at Ricky in response.

Ricky looked away before he could let the look get to him. It wasn’t that he wanted to be annoyed with his hyungs but he really couldn’t find anything to laugh or be happy about at the moment. He would hope that his hyungs would realize that and leave him alone but he was obviously hoping for too much when he suddenly was joined by L.Joe on his bed.

“Changhyun!” L.Joe cooed, getting underneath his blankets. “You’ll let me sleep with you tonight, right? I prefer you over Chanhee.”

“I don’t care,” Ricky said, not looking up from his book.

L.Joe was satisfied with the answer and made himself comfortable, curling onto his side and facing Ricky who was still studying.

“Chanhee’s already sleeping.”

“Am not!” Chunji called from his side of the room.

L.Joe chuckled but didn’t reply and instead focused on Ricky again.

“You have a test tomorrow?”

Ricky shook his head, “No. In two days.”

“You have plenty of time then,” L.Joe encouraged, curling up more under the blankets.

Ricky peeked over at his hyung and noted the way that smallest of their members was smiling at him so peacefully. With a sigh Ricky closed his book. He wouldn’t be getting anymore studying done now that he was no longer alone and he knew it.

He set his book aside and crawled beneath his blankets as well, ignoring the way L.Joe’s arm slipped over his waist.

“I talked with Niel,” Ricky said, after getting himself situation.

“Oh?” L.Joe asked, looking surprised as if he hadn’t been expecting it.

“Don’t look so surprised. You’re the one who asked me to do it,” Ricky pouted.

“I just didn’t expect you to actually do it so fast,” replied L.Joe.

“Well I did and….”

“And…?”

“Niel told me all about him and hyung. He told me how he really feels.”

“And?”

“And…” Ricky continued. “I can’t tell you.”

L.Joe’s face deflated. “And why not?”

“Because Niel told me to keep it a secret so I will. He trusts me and I won’t break it,” Ricky finished.

“Eh?” L.Joe looked a bit disappointed. “Really? You know I’m not asking for you to talk to him for my own sake, Changhyun. I don’t care about idle gossip. It’s for Niel’s own good.”

Ricky kept his mouth shut, determined not to say any more. He understood L.Joe’s concern but if he wanted to know about Niel that was something that he’d have to ask the source himself. He wasn’t going to violate the trust Niel had given him. It was the least he could do, as useless as he was for actual advice.

“I just want to know if he’s all right…” L.Joe’s voice was soft and it pained Ricky to hear it.

They were all so worried about Niel. The guilt welled up in him again as he remembered how none of them seemed to take the time out to be there for C.A.P.

“What about you then?” Ricky asked. “You have your share of secrets as well too, right Hyung? So why can’t he?”

“Secrets?” L.Joe lifted his head from the pillow, brows knitted together in question.

Ricky’s eyes darted to the other side of the room where Chunji seemed to be sleeping peacefully, oblivious to the two chatting softly just a short distance away.

“Dongwook hyung told me… about you and Chanhee.”

“Me and…? Woah, Now don’t get the wrong idea. There’s nothing going on between me and Chanhee,” L.Joe protested, careful to keep his voice down. “I don’t know what Dongwook was trying to get at but he’s wrong.”

“Nothing?”

“Well…” L.Joe shrugged. “Nothing serious. We just kind of fool around but—“

L.Joe noticed the shocked look forming on Ricky’s face. The visual maknae’s mouth has widened to the point of making a near perfect “O”.

“It’s just an agreement between us. You know, when neither of us have girlfriends we just fool around.”

“I can’t believe you!” Ricky huffed. “What’s going on with you people?”

“You people? Hey, I don’t know what you’re getting so worked up about,” frowned L.Joe.

Ricky rolled onto his stomach and clenched his pillow with his fist.

“I don’t think I know anything about anyone anymore! You’re only supposed to kiss people you like! It’s as simple as that! You’re no better than Niel!”

“We’re not in junior high school anymore,” protested L.Joe.

“You all make me so angry!”

“And what has this all got to do with Niel?”

“He cheated, hyung! Niel cheated on Minsoo and I hate you all!” Ricky buried his face in his pillow and L.Joe was left in shock.

It was now L.Joe’s mouth to be hanging open and Ricky had been too upset to even think about the fact he had betrayed Niel’s confidence until it was too late. Ricky squeezed his eyes shut and hugged his pillow even tighter, his heart beating erratically within his chest. It was irrational to feel that way, yes, but he felt betrayed. Wasn’t love supposed to be beautiful? Weren’t kisses the physical manifestation of those feelings. even more so.

How could his hyungs treat it all so lightly.

“He… you’re… you’re kidding, right?” L.Joe finally spoke.

Ricky shook his head.

“He told you?”

Ricky nodded.

“I…” L.Joe began.

Ricky interrupted, “I believed in you all. You, Minsoo, Chanhee and even Niel. You’re our hyungs right? Niel told me that if I kissed Jonghyun I’d be able to tell if I loved him or not. Was that a lie? Am I supposed to believe that kisses mean nothing in this world?”

Ricky could hear L.Joe sigh.

“How could he sleep with another person and then tell me he still loves Minsoo? How can you kiss Chanhee and then say you feel nothing? Are you saying he isn’t wrong?”

“He’s wrong,” L.Joe said. “I don’t have to even hear his story to say that he’s wrong.”

Ricky looked over at L.Joe with his big eyes. There was a sadness that reflected from within them and had Ricky known how much it pulled at L.Joe’s heart he wouldn’t have let him see his face.

“I can’t tell you that what we do or say is right or that you should imitate us. Sometimes the rules of being an adult just aren’t cut out so clearly,” L.Joe said, trying to placate him.

“I don’t want to be an adult,” Ricky said sadly. “I just want to be like this with Changjo forever.”

“There were a lot of things we tried to protect you from in this world,“ L.Joe reminded Ricky, reaching out to smooth down his dark locks. “We didn’t want to get you involved from the very beginning.”

Ricky didn’t want to argue. He knew it was true. From the beginning he was warned right from the very first day he saw the bruises on Niel’s body.

“It’s ok, Hyung. I’d have to have found out at some point, right?” Ricky said, turning so his back was towards the other. “Good night.”

He didn’t want to continue the conversation any longer

-to be continued-

AN: welp i am back. i was on vacation both literally (i went on vacaton! hehe) and figuratively (fandom vacation). Anyway enjoy. this chapter was supposed to be two scenes. one) this convo between ljoe and ricky about being an adult and two) convo between ricky and CAP. obviously I didn't get around to the CAP part. lol next time

oh so yeah, this fic will end soon. probably a few more chapters, right? if t goes as planned. and I already started planning my next fic! next fic the main character will be ljoe! Sorry! ;~; so it won't be NAP. but it will be very intense... maybe even moreso than this. Well, look out for that and thanks everyone for reading and waiting patiently ^^