Chapter 24

C.A.P was serious before Niel even know the meaning of the word.　He was sure of it.

The universe seemed to be working against them. Well him. C.A.P couldn’t help but feel alone despite his relationship. He wanted to give Niel the benefit of the doubt that he wasn’t the only one feeling the way that he did but it was hard and only getting harder each day.

He was tired of being played with. That’s what it seemed like to him. Niel was playing games. He was purposefully trying to provoke him. That’s why it affected him so much. Every little thing just weighed on him. He felt like a string and he was being pulled and pulled tighter and tighter and honestly C.A.P felt like he could snap.

There was only so much pulling he could take before he would snap.

It was normal to lose your patience sometimes. He was aware of that. All of them were. And between guys fights were inevitable. The unmistakably feelings of wanting to bash someone’s face right in though should rightly be stifled in favor of reason. But when someone seemed so much to want, no to thrive on the violence, then the natural reaction is to act upon it. That’s what it all was.

Niel was provoking him to the point of acting on his base human instincts. Niel thirsted for it. C.A.P was like putty in his hands.

He was conscious of the game being played, of the cards being thrown haphazardly into his face.

Niel had looked at his phone, and let him know he looked into his phone; C.A.P knew he’d be the bad guy should he react on it.

Self-control.

It was an exercise of self-control. His hands were tied. He lost this game. Niel won. And yet Niel continued on pulling at him.

For Teen Top on Air they had to play a game and if Niel didn’t want to be on his team, so be it. C.A.P would survive. But it just felt like it was out of spite. What other reason could it be that Niel, knowing full well the mood C.A.P was currently in, would flirt and laugh shamelessly with L.Joe the entire time they filmed their video?

He tried his best to ignore it, although he did throw the kernels of corn a bit too hard at Chunji’s face when it was his turn. He felt sorry and apologetic. He’d have to apologize to him later because he feared if he opened his mouth all the wrong things would come out.

C.A.P’s eyes narrowed, disappearing into tinier slits as L.Joe hugged Niel during their victory and the two toppled over onto the plush leather couch. He felt a cruel sting in his heart as he remembered the kakao conversation that Niel probably read and tried to fight down the suspicions he’d always had.

He felt Chunji’s hand bump his wrist. C.A.P looked down and Chunji gestured his head over to Changjo who was giggling and holding the still recording camera in his hand.

C.A.P pulled his arm away from Chunji, annoyed by the reminder. Did Chunji not trust him to know how to act in front of a camera?

C.A.P knew exactly what he had to do. He had to get away. As soon as the camera was off he made up his mind to go away. He’d be able to cool down before their stage and hopefully Niel would stop trying to get at him. He couldn’t let Niel get at him.

He wouldn’t.

As soon as Changjo announced filming to be over C.A.P made his move, standing up so quickly he startled Chunji beside him.

”I’m gone,” C.A.P announced turning to leave and catching the attention of everyone in the room, including Niel and L.Joe who were sitting on the opposite couch.

Chunji caught him by the wrist, halting his step.

“Don’t go too far,” Chunji said.

C.A.P nodded, happy that Chunji wasn’t questioning it. It was just like Chunji to sense that he needed some time alone.

“I’ll be close by.”

As soon as Chunji let go C.A.P made his way to the door but Niel’s biting words hit him from behind before he even reached the door.

“Where are you going?”

“Out,” C.A.P quipped back in a tone to make it known he wanted to leave it at that.

“We have to perform soon,” Niel noted.

C.A.P took in a breath, steeling himself to keep his replies calm and cool. He couldn’t give in. Not in that moment no matter how much the other wanted to taunt him.

“That’s exactly why I need to go out,” C.A.P replied.

“Daniel, just stop. Let him cool off on his own,” L.Joe said.

C.A.P let out another shaky breathe at L.Joe’s words, both annoyed with the fact that it’s always him being the one perceived to have the problem but happy that someone was at least trying to stop Niel.

“Pssh,” Niel scoffed. “I don’t see what he’s so angry about I’m the one who should be angry.”

C.A.P whirled around at that, quickly, words coming out of his mouth before he could take it back.

“No right to be angry?!” C.A.P asked.

Niel just rolled his eyes and C.A.P continued, cracks forming across the dam of his emotions.

“Those guys are my friends. Kyung, Chakun, whoever the hell I feel like talking to it’s my business. I shouldn’t have to answer to you. What the are you doing looking through my phone!?”

“Yeah. Friends that you slam me behind my back to,” Niel said. “If I didn’t look would you have told me that you had a problem?”

“Daniel, please don’t even pretend like you don’t know what’s wrong with this situation.”

 
“I know. You said I’m a problem. If you have a problem with me then say it, please,” Niel implored, standing up.

L.Joe grabbed Niel’s wrist and C.A.P’s eyes flickered down at the action, the pull in his chest coming stronger. He felt just about ready to fray.

“Daniel, stop,” L.Joe warned again. “Sit back down.”

Niel snatched his arm from L.Joe but C.A.P just laughed. It was the only thing he could do apart from scream. The situation was so silly to him. They were arguing again and over what? The fact that Niel looked at his cellphone; Niel was pretending like he couldn’t see what was wrong. Every justifiable grievance C.A.P had was once again being turned back on him. How could it be that C.A.P was even in the wrong about?

Yet he was. As always, he was. And as always Niel focused the attention on exactly the point he wanted.

The very notion that C.A.P would find Niel bothersome or tiresome was nothing compared to what else the kakao conversation mentioned about them and their relationship. The bitter stupid ugly truth was that which C.A.P never wanted to say aloud and Niel knew it. He knew C.A.P wouldn’t have the courage to bring it up while the others were there.

All the feelings within him were raw and he was tired of holding it back. He just had to get out of there.

“Ok, it!” C.A.P threw his hands up, giving up. “That’s what you want it to be. Then fine you’re the problem. You’re right. You’re the ing problem and as long as I’m with you you’re going to be my ing problem. I never once gave you a reason not to trust me. Not once! I’ve always been understanding towards you and did my best to help you but you’re just constantly spitting in my face. So it. It’s over.”

“You can’t do that,” Niel said, and C.A.P felt a sick satisfaction in the panic that seemed to rush into the other’s eyes.

“Watch me!”

It was like slow motion and with each movement towards the door C.A.P could feel himself gaining a bit of his control. He didn’t want to turn his back on him. He loved Niel way too much for that, but at the moment it was either that or slamming his hand into the other’s throat. If he could just get out it wouldn’t come to that.

However, Niel came forward reaching for C.A.P’s arm. The feel of Niel’s fingers against him set him off. C.A.P quickly turned and Niel didn’t even have the chance to cry out as he was shoved violently against the table. C.A.P could feel Niel’s fingers clutching against the fabric at the front of his shirt, his face wincing as the back of his legs knocked into the furniture and he tried to steady himself.

“Don’t you even ing touch me,” C.A.P said, trying to let go but Niel’s fingers only clung tighter as he tried to back away. His fingernails caught in the fabric.

They stared at each other, unaware completely of the others in the room who had all stood up and cautiously circled the pair.

“How can you do this to me!?” Niel asked.

“Don’t even start to play that victim role with me—“

“Hyung that’s enough,” L.Joe said, finally taking action and going to C.A.P’s side. He grabbed his arm but C.A.P just pushed him off, keeping his attention trained on Niel.

“Byunghun stay out of this,” he said before continuing speaking to Niel. “You looked through my phone but what if I look through yours? What’s in your phone huh, Daniel? What?” C.A.P asked.

Niel looked down and shook his head, his reply basically inaudible. C.A.P didn’t know exactly what possessed him to ask but he suddenly felt compelled to know as if it would make it better.

“Tell me,” C.A.P pressed, and it was instinct which made C.A.P pull Niel’s head back roughly by his hair. “What’s in your phone?”

“Hyung,” this time it was Changjo’s voice who protested.

Niel shook his head and C.A.P dug his hand into Niel’s shoulder roughly pushing him backwards.

“Show me your phone or I’m going to break up with you.”

Niel whimpered.

L.Joe came again, this time pushing C.A.P back by pushing his arm in between them.

“That’s enough.” L.Joe’s voice held a tone of authority. “Hyung, he doesn’t have to show you anything.”

C.A.P just stepped back sending a glare at Niel. As he did so the other members minus Chunji proceeded to swarm Niel, asking him if he was ok. They didn’t even bother to look in his direction except for Ricky who leveled him a pointed glare and L.Joe who looked ready to kill.

Niel slid to the floor and burst into tears.

C.A.P went out the door with a slam.

-To be continued-

AN - this took forever. i hope it was worth it. the long awaited glimpse into C.A.P. what do you think? srsly I wanted to get this C.A.P thing out. i love making ricky's brain hurt and i'm sure this was just the incident to make that happen *evil cackle*

thanks everyone for reading and commentng and subscribing and jut being cool.